What I learned From 2 Years of Marriage (Nikkah) - 2024 Muslim Marriage Advice

Summary

The speaker discusses the importance of marriage, particularly in the context of Islam, and offers practical advice on finding a spouse and maintaining a healthy marriage. Emphasizing the significance of character and religious commitment, the speaker advises making Dua, networking, and understanding oneself and one's partner. He also stresses realistic expectations, effective communication, and prioritizing the marriage relationship. Additionally, the speaker touches on the importance of simplicity in weddings and realistic expectations for Mahr. Ultimately, the key to a successful marriage is mutual understanding, empathy, and fear of Allah.

Takeaways

• 💍 Marriage is a dream for many, especially in the Muslim community, and it requires dedication and proper practices.
• 📿 Making Dua (prayer) and networking are essential steps in finding a spouse.
• 🕌 The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) advises prioritizing religion and character when choosing a spouse.
• 💡 Understanding yourself and your partner's lifestyle and communication style is crucial for a successful marriage.
• 🔑 Avoid being overly idealistic; focus on core values and realistic expectations.
• 🤝 Marriage should not be seen as a business transaction; it’s about partnership and mutual support.
• 💬 Effective communication and not making your spouse your enemy are key to resolving conflicts and building a strong relationship.
• 🏠 The best kind of marriage is simple and within one's means, as advised by the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).
• 👥 Marriage requires understanding and empathy; men are encouraged to be patient and considerate with their wives.
• 🕊 Mutual growth, fear of Allah, and maintaining a calm household are important for a blessed marriage.

Q & A

Why does the speaker believe marriage is important, especially for men?

The speaker believes marriage is important for men as it serves as a backbone, motivating them to be the best version of themselves and contributing positively to their character and faith.

What is the speaker's advice on finding a spouse?

The speaker advises making Dua, networking, and putting in the work. He emphasizes that finding the perfect spouse involves trusting in Allah's plan and being patient.

What qualities does the speaker suggest prioritizing in a potential spouse?

The speaker suggests prioritizing the religion and character of a potential spouse, as recommended by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).

What practical advice does the speaker give for understanding if someone is the right partner?

The speaker advises understanding yourself, your lifestyle, and your partner's lifestyle. It's important to see if both lifestyles can realistically come together.

What are the speaker's thoughts on idealistic expectations in a spouse?

The speaker warns against being overly idealistic, emphasizing that people have flaws and it's unrealistic to expect perfection. He encourages focusing on important religious ideals and being flexible with other preferences.

What does the speaker say about the wedding and the concept of Maher?

The speaker recommends having a simple wedding as advised by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). Regarding Maher, he suggests it should be reasonable and within the man's means, balancing generosity and practicality.

What is the speaker's advice on communication in marriage?

The speaker emphasizes the importance of effective communication, understanding each other's communication styles, and prioritizing the relationship to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings.

Why does the speaker advise against making your spouse your enemy?

The speaker advises against making your spouse your enemy because you live together, share many aspects of life, and it’s in both parties' best interest to maintain a harmonious relationship.

How should conflicts be handled in a marriage according to the speaker?

The speaker advises maintaining composure during conflicts, allowing space to cool down if necessary, and never losing temper as it doesn’t help the relationship.

What role does fear of Allah play in a successful marriage according to the speaker?

Fear of Allah ensures that both partners do not transgress against each other, fostering a calm and blessed household. It encourages both partners to act with integrity and compassion.

Outlines

00:00

💍 Tips for Finding the Right Spouse

The speaker addresses the universal desire to get married, especially among Muslims, and emphasizes the importance of finding the right spouse. He shares that marriage serves as a backbone for men, motivating them to be their best selves. The key to finding the perfect spouse lies in making Dua and networking, rather than following a set formula. Practical advice includes looking at the potential spouse's religion and character, as consistent religious practices indicate dedication and discipline. The speaker also highlights the importance of self-awareness and realistic expectations in the process of choosing a partner.

05:01

💒 The Importance of a Simple Wedding

Discussing wedding arrangements, the speaker advocates for simple, modest weddings as recommended by the Prophet Muhammad. Extravagant weddings can lead to stress and problems, whereas simpler ceremonies are more enjoyable and manageable. The speaker also touches on the concept of Mahr (dowry), emphasizing that while women have the right to ask for substantial Mahr, it should be realistic and within the groom's means. He advises against viewing marriage as a business transaction and stresses the importance of generosity and balance in the expectations of both partners.

10:02

🗣 Effective Communication in Marriage

The speaker emphasizes the critical role of communication in a successful marriage. Understanding each other's communication styles can prevent many conflicts and misunderstandings. He warns against making one's spouse an enemy and stresses the importance of prioritizing the relationship above all else, including friends and work. The speaker advises maintaining composure during conflicts and underscores the necessity of empathy, particularly towards women, due to their deep emotional sensitivity. Ultimately, the fear of Allah and mutual respect are key to a harmonious marriage.

Keywords

💡Marriage

Marriage in the video is depicted as a significant and desirable goal, especially within the Muslim community. It serves as a backbone for personal growth and motivation. The speaker emphasizes that marriage is not just about finding the ideal partner but also about commitment, understanding, and mutual support.

💡Ideal Spouse

The concept of an 'ideal spouse' is discussed as a common dream for many young people. However, the video stresses that perfection is unrealistic, and instead, individuals should focus on religious values and character when choosing a partner. This reflects the importance of practical compatibility over idealistic expectations.

💡Dua

Dua, or prayer, is highlighted as a crucial step in seeking a spouse. The speaker advises making sincere prayers and combining them with active networking to find the right person, indicating the role of faith and effort in the process of finding a life partner.

💡Character

Character is a key attribute to look for in a potential spouse. The video advises prioritizing a partner's moral and ethical qualities, as these reflect their ability to maintain a disciplined and committed relationship. This aligns with the Islamic teaching of valuing inner virtues over superficial traits.

💡Commitment

Commitment is essential in a successful marriage. The speaker discusses how being dedicated to religious practices like Salah (prayer) and fasting demonstrates a person’s ability to stay committed in a relationship. This underlines the importance of reliability and consistency in a partner.

💡Communication

Effective communication is described as vital for resolving conflicts and maintaining a healthy relationship. Understanding and adapting to each other's communication styles can prevent misunderstandings and strengthen the bond between partners. This highlights the role of mutual respect and emotional intelligence in marriage.

💡Understanding

Understanding oneself and one’s partner is crucial for compatibility. The speaker advises knowing both your own and your partner’s lifestyles and thought processes to ensure a realistic and harmonious union. This underscores the importance of self-awareness and empathy in choosing a spouse.

💡Expectations

Managing expectations is discussed to avoid unrealistic demands in a partner. The video cautions against having overly idealistic standards and instead encourages focusing on fundamental values like religious commitment and good character. This reflects the need for practicality and flexibility in relationships.

💡Simplicity

Simplicity in marriage, especially in wedding celebrations, is advocated. The speaker shares personal experiences of a simple wedding and emphasizes that less extravagant events are more manageable and stress-free. This relates to the Islamic principle of avoiding excess and promoting modesty.

💡Mah (Mahr)

Mah, or dowry, is discussed in terms of its importance and appropriate expectations. The video explains that the dowry should be reasonable and within the groom’s means, and it should not be the primary focus of marriage. This reinforces the idea that the true value of marriage lies in the relationship itself, not material transactions.

Highlights

Desire for marriage is common among young Muslims.

Marriage serves as a backbone for personal growth and motivation.

Finding the perfect spouse involves making Dua and networking.

There is no grand secret to finding the perfect spouse; it often just happens.

Prioritize the religion and character of a potential spouse.

Understanding oneself is crucial before deciding on a spouse.

Being too idealistic can hinder finding a suitable partner.

A simple wedding is recommended by the Prophet Muhammad (saw).

Real risk and blessings in marriage lie in the union itself, not material demands.

Effective communication is key to avoiding marital conflicts.

Do not make your spouse your enemy; prioritize the relationship.

Marriage should take precedence over other relationships and work.

Men should sometimes let their wives express themselves freely.

Growing together as a couple is essential for a lasting marriage.

Fear and consciousness of Allah help maintain a harmonious household.

Transcripts

Al everyone and welcome back every young

man and woman out there desires to get

married especially if you're a Muslim

you want to get married everyone has a

dream one day of having this ideal

spouse this ideal marriage ideal

relationship and ideal life with their

partner or Partners In some cases for

some men I'm not going to be talking

about pogy today I'm just going to be

talking about General tips and habits on

how to find a spouse how to know if

they're right for you and long-term

proper practices and habits that you

should build in your marriage to make

sure you can stay married inshallah cuz

the divorce rates nowadays are crazy and

that's not just for non-muslims that

goes for Muslims as well unfortunately

marriage for me has served as some kind

of a backbone especially as a man it

really serves as a backbone for you so

you can perform at your best really

it'll push you it will drive you it'll

motivate you to be the best version of

yourself and your spouse if they are

good in fear Allah subhana wa tala will

contribute positively to you your

character your Iman and much much more

so what's the great secret to finding

the perfect spells for you there is none

there is no Grand amazing secret that

you can just do these three tips and

you'll find the perfect spells actually

if you go and ask your married friends

especially those who did not have

arranged marriages if you ask them how

they found their spouse they're probably

going to say to be honest it just

happened that's what it's like for me

and many of my friends one day you're

not married and the next day you're like

boom oh maybe I might marry this person

and then the next day you actually marry

them I remember the day I got married it

was one of the most like like lowkey uh

anxiety inducing things but I was so

excited it was like a nervous kind of

excitement and it was probably to this

day one of the best days of my life but

but I'll get back to that in

moo as I was saying I'll get back to

that in a moment so to find a spouse you

really just have to make Dua and network

genuinely that's all it is you make Dua

you network you put in the work and

eventually

Allah subhana wa T when he Wills will

put the perfect person in your life I

believed I was ready to get married

since the age of like 17 18 was I no

looking back I wasn't I believed I was

so you might believe you're 100% ready

but Allah knows best so if he delays it

for you just know it's for a reason and

as eager as you are to get married Allah

Knows Best But now let's say you have

someone in mind and you're not sure if

they are right for you well there's a

few things practically speaking that you

can do to figure this out but first and

for foremost the best advice is the

advice of the Prophet Muhammad sallu

alaihi wasallam and I'm not just saying

that like genuinely it is the best

advice he says to prioritize the

religion and the character of the

person that's it look at their religion

look at their character and just think

about it logically if they can be

consistent with their Salah with their

fasts that shows they have a level of

dedication of commitment and they're

willing to be disciplined when they have

to for the most important reason which

is Allah subhana wa tala secondly if

they're conscious of God God and they

fear God they're not going to wrong you

they're not going to do Haram behind

your back they're not going to disobey

they're not going to back bite they're

not going to slander they're going to be

a good spouse inshallah ignore this

guy he has the

Zoomies moo down moo down when trying to

decide if someone is right for you the

most important thing you could do is

understand yourself because if you're

trying to put two pieces together you

need to know both pieces you need to

understand both pieces in both shapes

you are one of those pieces you need to

know how you operate how you think how

you work your lifestyle and then you

also have to know how they think how

they operate their lifestyle and if you

can see those coming together not just

idealistically but realistically you

have to understand who you are and how

you think and operate to know if you're

going to be able to live with somebody

else secondly do not be too idealistic

having ideals is good especially when

those ideals are religious ideals hijab

or their Salah or their fasting or or

their modesty and that doesn't just go

for women that goes for men as well

these ideals are good it's also okay to

have certain ideals for lifestyle for

interests and hobbies and so on and so

forth if they're important to you but

don't be like I want someone who's

exactly this tall and has a body exactly

like this and speaks exactly like that

and is into exactly these things and is

completely obedient is going to listen

to every word I say and is going to be

so emotionally intelligent they know one

to not talk to me and they know exactly

what to say and when to say it and let's

be real you're never going to find

anyone like that and if if that's what

you want you're not going to get married

this is the real world and and people

have flaws people have exemplary

character and even the most amazing of

people will have flaws as well so you

have to be willing to say these are the

things that are my absolutes these are

the things that I would want but if

they're not there that's okay I'm not

perfect either so let's say Allah

accepts your Dua and you're finally

getting to know someone their family

your families are getting together

you're planning for weddings and life

and so on and so forth congratulations

may Allah bless you guys in your

marriage but you have a very important

step now the wedding and the Mah and all

of that stuff very important topics when

it comes to the wedding what I did and

it was one of the best days in my life

was a simple small wedding in a Masjid

something that felt nice something that

felt cozy and at the same time had a

certain level a certain standard so the

close friends and families that we did

bring could enjoy it and it was a nice

Scenic moment generally the bigger the

wedding the more guests the more food

the more problems you're going to have

the more stress and anxiety you're going

to have and if it ends up being so big

that the people the team whoever's

hosting it can't handle it then it's

going to be a big mess potentially I

hope inshallah that never happens to any

of you guys but is please be careful the

prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam he

advised that the best kind of marriage

nikah is the simple one so try not to go

super super extravagant if it's not a

big deal to you guys next the seems like

nowadays every woman's like I want

$100,000 and a mansion and a car of my

choice and blah blah blah and

technically that's within within her

right to ask is she going to get married

probably not let's be real but that's

within her right to ask on the other

hand guys seem to be like I just want to

be able to give her

$5 and some chicken nuggets and we

should be good because if she loves me

for me then we should be good but that's

not exactly the case especially when you

look at it from an Islamic perspective

it seems to be the case that Allah tala

and the messenger sallallahu alaihi

wasallam they encouraged the women to

not ask for a lot while they encouraged

the men to be giving

and in that case you have the best of

both worlds you have the best of both

sides you have a woman who was on the

receiving end who's who's okay not

getting a lot she's not asking for a lot

she's not demanding a lot but on the

other hand you have a man who's willing

to give he wants to give a lot and in

this case I think the best ends up

happening CU you usually end at about

where a man can handle and Allah says in

the Quran that a man should give in

accordance to his means it's very simple

if sisters want a high me they have to

marry a rich guy you cannot go to a

normal person with a normal average

income and demand $100,000 and just make

him work four years for it that's not

normal if you want a high that's okay

but marry a man who can make that in a

few months if you're deciding to marry a

man who makes $60,000 a year you might

only get A5 $6,000 Mah maybe a $10,000

Mah and that's not bad that's not wrong

it's just according to the means and no

one should get married for Mah a man

should not marry a woman because it's a

low Mah and a woman should not marry a

man because it's a high Mah cuz then

it's not a marriage it's a freaking

business transaction we're not Merchants

here we have enough stereotypes on us as

it is and again the prophet he said the

best nah the best kind of marriage is

that which is simple the real risk the

real blessing the real sustenance the

real benefit in marriage is the marriage

itself it's you and your partner coming

together living together helping each

other out and raising a family that is

the risk so now you found someone it's a

good match you got married you did the

me

and now you're married congratulations

but it just started these are the most

important tips that I think I can pass

on to anyone who's trying to get married

one of the most important things you can

do once you're married is understand

your partner and do the groundwork to

know how to communicate with them

effectively that is literally going to

save 99% of any fights or problems or

miscommunications you guys end up having

if you

understand they need to be spoken to in

a certain way and reassured like this

and this is how they communicate and

this is how I communicate and this is

the best way for us to communicate

whatever we're thinking or feeling that

will save you guys if you don't do this

if you don't know how to do this you

will ruin your marriage because the guy

gets angry and he storms off and the

woman's sitting alone wondering where

the heck did he go and she's angry and

he's pissed and this happens for six

months straight and they both think well

screw it I got into the wrong marriage

with the wrong person that leads me to

my second point do do not make your

spouse your enemy life is hard enough

already do not make your spouse your

enemy you guys literally live together

Under One Roof you see this person

probably every single day of your life

you have children with this person you

eat with this person you go to sleep

with this person you really want to make

that person your enemy of course not so

it's in your best interest and your

spouse's best interest to make the

relationship number one and that goes

above other relationships it goes above

the guys it goes above the gals some

cases it goes above the parents in most

cases it goes above your work it should

be the number one priority the last tip

I can share is you're not perfect

everyone especially nowadays is

individualistic and self-centered and

it's not necessarily wrong but if you're

too self-centered and too

individualistic you will be living at

the expense of other people and if that

comes at the expense of your spouse your

marriage is not going to last you have

to put yourself aside sometimes

especially if you're the man if you are

the man

sometimes you just have to let your wife

speak let her get it out give her

reassurance and hold back whatever

emotion you might be feeling in the

moment now that doesn't mean you don't

communicate to her things that might be

bothering you and things that would make

the relationship better you should

communicate those things but women are

so empathetic and understanding and

because of this beautiful trait they

also feel very deeply so throwing

insults or unnecessarily ignoring her or

being super harsh or rude with her is

not going to help the relationship

because she will feel that a lot deeper

than you will as a guy and sometimes she

might get mad and say something crazy

but again the best thing you can do is

hold your composure if you need to walk

away for a minute walk away that's fine

let things cool down but never lose your

mind or your temper that will literally

never help anything both of you guys

will be growing as you go so grow

together and do not grow apart and

remember have tawa and Consciousness and

fear of Allah subhana wa ta'ala and if

you and your spouse both fear Allah you

guys will not transgress against each

other and you will want to have a nice

calm household where Allah puts

blessings for you and your family

inshallah let me know if you guys want

to do some kind of Q&A I'm not super

open but I'm open enough in to give you

guys advice so let me know if you have

any questions I'm open to doing a Q&A

for you guys and I hope this helped

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