How to Instantly Achieve a Calm State | Sam Harris on Impact Theory

Full Episodes of Impact Theory
25 Jun 201952:20

Summary

TLDRIn this impactful discussion, neuroscientist and philosopher Sam Harris delves into the nature of anxiety, the malleability of belief systems, and the pursuit of well-being. Harris emphasizes the power of framing and mindfulness in altering our emotional responses, suggesting that our internal narratives significantly shape our experiences. He advocates for a scientific mindset, applying critical thinking to all aspects of life, including spirituality and ethics. The conversation explores the importance of aligning our actions with a broader social good and the potential for meditation to cultivate mental resilience and clarity.

Takeaways

  • 🧠 The human experience of anxiety and excitement share similar physiological responses, with the key difference being the framing and story we tell ourselves about the situation.
  • 🌏 Sam Harris, a neuroscientist, philosopher, and best-selling author, is known for his unique perspective on a wide range of complex subjects and his ability to communicate difficult ideas clearly.
  • πŸ’‘ The concept of a 'good life' is open-ended and involves the pursuit of human well-being, which includes effortless cooperation with others and the reduction of suffering and conflict.
  • πŸ€” Harris emphasizes the importance of having a personal 'north star' or purpose, which can guide one's life direction and provide a sense of meaning and utility.
  • πŸ“š He advocates for a scientific attitude towards life, suggesting that beliefs should be malleable and open to new evidence and better arguments.
  • πŸ§˜β€β™‚οΈ Meditation is presented as a skill that can provide immense utility by allowing individuals to observe their emotions, including anxiety, from a place of indifference and without reactivity.
  • πŸ’ͺ The idea that skills have utility and can be developed for personal growth and to serve others is a central theme, with the suggestion that this pursuit can lead to a fulfilling life.
  • 🧐 Harris discusses the tension between the need for personal well-being and the impact one has on the world, suggesting that a balance between internal states and external altruism is important.
  • πŸ“ˆ He also talks about the dangers of dogmatism and the necessity of maintaining an open mind to new ideas and perspectives for personal and societal growth.
  • 🌱 The concept of mindfulness is introduced as a way to reframe negative emotions and cultivate a more positive and present mindset.
  • πŸ“š Lastly, Harris shares his learning process, which involves a broad and continuous intake of information from various sources without a strict method or optimization.

Q & A

  • What is the main idea discussed by the speaker regarding the nature of anxiety and excitement?

    -The speaker suggests that anxiety and excitement are physiologically similar, with the main difference being the framing or the story one tells oneself about the situation. This implies that changing one's perspective can alter the experience of these emotions.

  • How does the speaker describe the relationship between our beliefs and our well-being?

    -The speaker posits that our beliefs should map onto reality to ensure well-being. Holding beliefs that are out of alignment with reality can lead to suffering, while being open to new evidence and better arguments can help maintain this alignment.

  • What is the role of conversation in understanding reality according to the speaker?

    -The speaker emphasizes that conversation is the primary mechanism for understanding reality. It allows for the possibility of being wrong and for error correction, which is essential for adapting to new information and maintaining a true perspective.

  • How does the speaker define a good life?

    -The speaker defines a good life as one that is open-ended and focused on human flourishing. It involves effortlessly cooperating with others, building a civilization where everyone can thrive, and avoiding the pitfalls of tribalism and partisanship.

  • What is the importance of skills in personal development according to the speaker?

    -The speaker highlights that skills have utility and are essential for personal development. Learning new skills can increase one's ability to serve oneself and others, contributing to a meaningful and impactful life.

  • How does the speaker view the concept of dogmatism in relation to beliefs?

    -The speaker views dogmatism as a hindrance to understanding reality. It involves holding onto beliefs regardless of evidence or argument, which can lead to conflict and a disconnect with the world and others.

  • What is the speaker's perspective on the potential of human well-being?

    -The speaker believes that the potential for human well-being is open-ended and possibly limitless. However, he acknowledges that we currently have a limited understanding of what ultimate flourishing for conscious minds might entail.

  • What is the role of institutions, laws, and norms in creating a thriving civilization, according to the speaker?

    -The speaker suggests that institutions, laws, and norms are necessary to reduce friction in interactions with strangers and to promote a civilization where everyone can thrive, based on cooperation and non-paranoid interactions.

  • How does the speaker relate the practice of meditation to the concept of a 'state shift'?

    -The speaker relates meditation to a 'state shift' by describing it as a practice that allows one to reset independently of external circumstances, enabling a change in one's internal state and fostering intrinsic well-being.

  • What does the speaker suggest as a method to combat negative emotions or a sense of being lost in life?

    -The speaker suggests mindfulness and reframing as methods to combat negative emotions. Mindfulness involves becoming aware of and interrupting negative thought patterns, while reframing involves telling oneself a better, more positive story.

  • How does the speaker describe the impact of beliefs and ideas on society and the importance of malleability in belief systems?

    -The speaker describes the impact of beliefs and ideas as potentially dangerous, especially when they are rigid and dogmatic. He emphasizes the importance of malleability in belief systems, allowing for adaptation and growth in response to new evidence and understanding.

  • What is the speaker's view on the role of technology and its potential impact on society if we fail to address psychological and social challenges?

    -The speaker views technology, particularly increasingly destructive technology, as a potential threat to society if psychological and social challenges are not addressed. He suggests that our current state of partisanship, tribalism, and fear of other groups may become unsustainable in the face of such technological advancements.

  • What does the speaker mean when he refers to the 'half-life of negative emotions'?

    -The speaker refers to the 'half-life of negative emotions' as the duration for which negative emotions persist. He suggests that through mindfulness and meditation, one can reduce this duration, allowing negative emotions to dissipate more quickly.

  • How does the speaker connect the practice of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) with the practice of meditation?

    -The speaker connects BJJ with meditation by highlighting the importance of being relaxed yet effective in both practices. He suggests that BJJ is like 'jiu-jitsu for the mind,' requiring awareness, control, and the ability to respond to challenging situations with calmness and skill.

Outlines

00:00

🧠 Cognitive Reframing of Anxiety and Excitement

The speaker discusses the close physiological similarity between anxiety and excitement, highlighting that the difference lies in our perception and the narrative we create around these feelings. They emphasize the importance of recognizing the transient nature of negative emotions and how mindfulness can help us reframe our experience, allowing us to be indifferent to anxiety and other emotions, thus improving our mental well-being.

05:00

🌟 The Pursuit of Human Flourishing and Constructive Interaction

The paragraph introduces the guest, Sam Harris, a neuroscientist, philosopher, and best-selling author, who discusses his views on human well-being and the importance of building a society that fosters cooperation and happiness. He stresses the need for psychological and social evolution to avoid conflict and the potential unsustainability of current societal models, especially with the advancement of destructive technologies.

10:02

πŸš€ Defining Personal Purpose and the Impact of Belief Systems

The conversation explores the concept of personal purpose and the idea that individuals might have different aims in life, such as maximizing their potential or using marketable skills for philanthropy. The discussion touches on the malleability of belief systems and the potential for beliefs to be both liberating and constraining, emphasizing the importance of aligning our beliefs with actions that promote well-being for oneself and others.

15:05

πŸ“š The Importance of Aligning Beliefs with Reality and Openness to New Ideas

The speaker advocates for a belief system that maps onto reality and the necessity of being open to new evidence and arguments. He criticizes dogmatism and the dangers of holding onto beliefs without evidence, particularly in the context of religion. The paragraph underscores the value of a scientific attitude in all aspects of life and the rejection of partitioning thinking, where some areas are considered too important to be scrutinized rigorously.

20:06

🀝 The Role of Conversation in Shaping Reality Understanding and Personal Growth

The paragraph emphasizes the importance of human conversation as a tool for understanding reality and personal growth. It discusses the need for continuous learning, surrounding oneself with smart people, and being open to the ideas of others. The speaker also shares his personal approach to reading and consuming information, which involves a passive yet constant intake from various sources.

25:06

πŸ’ͺ Overcoming Emotional States and the Power of Laughter

The speaker shares a personal anecdote about overcoming anger and the role of laughter in shifting emotional states. He discusses the idea that we have control over our emotions and that by consciously choosing to laugh, we can change our emotional state. This story illustrates the power of reframing negative emotions and the importance of being aware of our emotional responses.

30:07

πŸ§˜β€β™‚οΈ The Martial Arts of the Mind: Meditation as a Skill for Mental Control

The paragraph delves into the comparison between martial arts and meditation, likening the latter to a form of mental jiu-jitsu. It discusses the idea of meditation as a skill that allows us to control our minds and reactions, similar to how martial arts techniques are used for physical control. The speaker reflects on his initial resistance to meditation due to its perceived femininity and how he later embraced it as a powerful tool for mental strength.

35:10

πŸŒ… Finding Selflessness in Moments of Connection and the Nature of the Ego

The speaker explores the concept of selflessness and the sense of self, discussing how moments of deep connection with life, such as appreciating a beautiful sunset, can lead to a loss of self-awareness. He contrasts these moments with the constant state of ego and contraction that arises from identifying with thoughts, which often leads to suffering. The paragraph examines the nature of the ego and the importance of recognizing the impermanent and fluid nature of our sense of self.

40:11

πŸ’­ The Stream of Consciousness and the Illusion of the Unchanging Self

This paragraph delves into the nature of consciousness and the illusion of an unchanging self. It discusses the idea that our sense of self is often tied to a sense of being a passenger in our bodies, observing the world from behind our eyes. The speaker challenges this notion, suggesting that there is no fixed point of consciousness within the brain and that we are, in fact, identical to the ever-changing flow of experience.

45:13

🌱 Cultivating Intrinsic Well-Being and the Role of Meditation

The speaker discusses the concept of intrinsic well-being and the role of meditation in achieving it. He differentiates between the experiencing self and the remembering self, emphasizing the importance of living in the moment and finding satisfaction in the present. Meditation is presented as a tool for resetting one's state independent of external circumstances and for developing a superpower of well-being that transcends specific life events.

50:14

πŸ›€οΈ Navigating Life's Meaning and Purpose in the Face of Existential Crisis

The paragraph addresses the issue of finding meaning and purpose in life, especially for those who feel lost or are experiencing a sense of existential crisis. The speaker suggests that the feeling of being lost is often a result of being lost in thought without awareness. He recommends several antidotes, including medication for clinical depression, maintaining healthy habits, and practicing mindfulness and reframing negative thoughts. The speaker also introduces the concept of using gratitude and negative imagination as tools for changing one's perspective and finding meaning.

🌐 Sam Harris's Mission to Engage with Consequential Ideas

In the final paragraph, Sam Harris reflects on his mission to engage with intellectually interesting and consequential ideas, such as artificial intelligence, which have significant implications for the future of humanity. He emphasizes the importance of having honest conversations about these topics and encourages his audience to explore his work, including his podcast, meditation app, and website, to expand their consciousness and discover new capabilities.

Mindmap

Keywords

πŸ’‘Anxiety

Anxiety is a feeling of unease, such as worry or fear, that can be mild or severe. In the video, it is discussed as a state that is physiologically close to excitement, differing mainly in the framing and story one tells oneself. The script mentions how anxiety can be reframed to reduce its negative impact, highlighting the power of perception in emotional experiences.

πŸ’‘Excitement

Excitement is a state of enthusiasm or eagerness, often in anticipation of a particular event. The video script draws a parallel between excitement and anxiety, suggesting that the physiological responses are similar, but the cognitive framing differs. Excitement is typically seen as positive, while anxiety is viewed as negative, illustrating the importance of perspective in emotional states.

πŸ’‘Framing

Framing refers to the cognitive process of conceptualizing or interpreting a situation or information. The video emphasizes the power of framing in shaping one's emotional response, such as viewing anxiety as a form of excitement. The concept is used to demonstrate how changing the narrative or interpretation of an emotion can alter one's experience of it.

πŸ’‘Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness Meditation is a practice of focusing one's attention on the present moment, often used for cultivating awareness and achieving a state of mental clarity. The script discusses mindfulness as a skill that can be learned to manage emotions and achieve a more indifferent stance towards negative feelings, such as anxiety.

πŸ’‘Neuroscience

Neuroscience is the scientific study of the nervous system and brain functions. The video features a guest with a background in neuroscience, indicating the discussion's grounding in scientific understanding of mental processes and behaviors, including the exploration of emotions and their physiological basis.

πŸ’‘Philosophy

Philosophy is the study of general and fundamental questions about existence, knowledge, values, reason, mind, and language. The guest's background in philosophy is mentioned, suggesting that the video delves into profound and conceptual topics, possibly examining the nature of consciousness and the human experience.

πŸ’‘Emotional Regulation

Emotional Regulation refers to the ability to manage and control one's emotions. The video script discusses the skill of emotional regulation in the context of mindfulness and meditation, suggesting that individuals can learn to control their emotional responses, such as not staying angry or anxious for extended periods.

πŸ’‘Ted Talks

Ted Talks are a series of global conferences where invited speakers share their ideas and experiences in various fields. The video mentions the guest's involvement in Ted Talks, indicating the guest's expertise and the potential influence of their ideas, which are likely discussed in the video.

πŸ’‘Non-Duality

Non-Duality is a philosophical concept where the existence of only one reality is considered true, as opposed to seeing the world as composed of separate entities. The script touches on the idea of losing the sense of self, which is related to non-dualistic experiences where the distinction between self and other dissolves.

πŸ’‘Purpose

Purpose refers to the reason for which something exists or is done, often implying a goal or objective. The video discusses the concept of having a purpose in life, suggesting that individuals should aim to maximize their potential and acquire meaningful skills, which can serve both themselves and others.

πŸ’‘Dogmatism

Dogmatism is the tendency to hold strong opinions or beliefs without being open to alternative viewpoints. The script warns against dogmatism, advocating for an open-minded approach to beliefs and ideas, which is essential for adapting to new information and understanding reality.

Highlights

Anxiety and excitement share similar physiological responses, differing mainly in the framing and narrative we apply to the experience.

The power of reframing can help us realize that negative emotions have a short half-life and can be managed effectively.

Sam Harris, a neuroscientist, philosopher, and author, discusses the importance of aligning our beliefs with reality for well-being.

Harris emphasizes the need for open conversation and the acceptance of new evidence to challenge and refine our beliefs.

Dogmatism, or holding onto ideas without evidence, is identified as a hindrance to understanding reality and personal growth.

The concept of 'skills having utility' is introduced as a driving force for personal development and effectiveness in life.

Harris shares his personal journey of transforming from an employee to an entrepreneur, highlighting the importance of changing belief systems.

The idea that mindfulness and meditation are skills that can be learned and applied to improve emotional regulation is discussed.

Harris explains how meditation is akin to martial arts for the mind, requiring practice and discipline to master.

The importance of not identifying with thoughts and the benefits of breaking the spell of constant thinking are highlighted.

Harris talks about the difference between the experiencing self and the remembering self, and how they relate to life satisfaction and meaning.

The role of gratitude and reframing negative thoughts through 'negative imagination' as a tool for emotional well-being is mentioned.

Harris discusses the impact of his work, focusing on engaging with intellectually interesting and consequential ideas.

The potential of meditation to reset well-being independent of external circumstances is explored.

The conversation touches on the importance of aligning our intrinsic well-being with the effects we have on the world and vice versa.

Harris shares his approach to learning and consuming information, emphasizing the importance of being open to a wide range of topics.

The discussion concludes with Harris's advice for people feeling lost or lacking a sense of purpose or meaning in life.

Transcripts

play00:00

if you're feeling anxiety

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there's actually a place from which you

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can just feel it right and

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and be

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actually indifferent to it or anything

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else you could be feeling i mean first

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you can notice that anxiety isn't even

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that unpleasant it's so close to

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excitement in its actual physiology that

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really the difference between excitement

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and anxiety is more

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or less just the the framing it's just

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the story you're telling yourself you

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know if you felt these these tingles

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and this you know slightly adrenalized

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response

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right before you know you're about to go

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on a roller coaster that's part of why

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you're going on the roller coaster you

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like that experience right but the fact

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that you feel that way when you're about

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to have an interview or you're about to

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you know walk out on stage that's

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intolerable right so just dropping back

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and realizing the the power of the

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framing it has immense utility because

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then you can realize that the

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the half-life of negative emotions is

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incredibly short

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[Music]

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hey everybody welcome to impact theory

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our goal with this show and company is

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to introduce you to the people and ideas

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that will help you actually execute on

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your dreams all right today's guest is a

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neuroscientist philosopher and a

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five-time new york times best-selling

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author his book the end of faith won the

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2005 pen award for non-fiction and spent

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an astonishing 33 weeks on the new york

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times bestseller list he has a degree in

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philosophy from stanford a phd in

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neuroscience and he's practiced

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meditation for more than 30 years a

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combination that gives him a very unique

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perspective that has made him one of the

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most sought after thinkers on the planet

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he's given multiple ted talks with

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millions of views and his written works

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have been translated into more than 20

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different languages additionally he's

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written for some of the most prestigious

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publications around including the new

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york times the los angeles times and the

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annals of neurology to name but a few a

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clear and rational voice almost without

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peer on some of today's most difficult

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subjects when he speaks thousands of

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people show up in real life and millions

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listen online

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and his ideas have been discussed by

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some of the most visible and

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well-respected outlets in the world

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including time the new york times

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scientific american nature and countless

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others he's also the host of the webby

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award-winning podcast making sense which

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was named by apple as one of the itunes

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best

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so please help me in welcoming the man

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who has spent roughly two years in

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aggregated silent contemplation one of

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the four horsemen of the non-apocalypse

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sam harris

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[Applause]

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thank you

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absolute pleasure to have you

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yeah pleasure to be here i am really

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excited to dive into some of these

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subjects which i think you have

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just such a fascinating take on and the

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thing that i've drawn the most wisdom

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from with you is what and and these are

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very much my words

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how to live a good life

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and that's where i want to start and

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it'd be really interesting to hear your

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definition of like what kind of life and

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way of thinking should we be aiming for

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yeah well it's a hard question because

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my notion of human well-being is really

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open-ended i don't think we understand

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what the horizon is

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if in fact there is one for kind of

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ultimate flourishing of conscious minds

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we have a pretty good sense of what we

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don't want and are right not to want we

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don't want to be terrorized

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and uh depressed and

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find ourselves constantly in conflict

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with strangers finding our aims

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frustrated so the generic situation we

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want to find ourselves in more and more

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is to effortlessly cooperate with

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creative and happy strangers right i

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mean where there's seven billion of us

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we need institutions and laws and norms

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uh and ways of thinking that take the

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friction out of

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pleasurable and non-paranoid interaction

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with strangers it's not just about

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having you know five or

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so close friends who's got who have your

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back right i mean you like

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clearly

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we're all on the same team on some basic

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level and if we can't figure out how to

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build a civilization where

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everyone thrives to some degree

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we'll have the world we currently have

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until it becomes unsustainable because

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we're in a situation now where

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i think

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it's reasonable to worry that

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our default state of partisanship and

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tribalism and

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rational fear of the incompatible aims

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of you know other groups and other

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people

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is unsustainable in the presence of more

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and more destructive technology i just

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think i think we have to get our act

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together psychologically and socially in

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a way that we haven't yet

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and when you think about that coming

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down to the personal level

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do you think about people as having a

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north star or a purpose that they should

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be pursuing and to contextualize that

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i'll say

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because i always found myself wanting to

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ask people that i ended up answering the

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question for myself and so for me the

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purpose of my life from my perspective

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is to

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see how much of my potential i can

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actuate so how how many skills can i

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acquire that have meaning and utility to

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me that allow me to serve not only

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myself but others and so that sense of

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pushing myself to always get better to

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always improve to show up every day

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and not think about whether i

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get something cross some finish line

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generate a certain amount of wealth or

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anything like that but just

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do i sincerely approach the idea of

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bettering myself in a very specific

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direction based on what i want to

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accomplish in my life or not and if i do

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that sincerely then i say that the day

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or the life has been a victory and if i

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don't do that then to me i'm pointed in

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the wrong direction do you have any sort

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of guiding light like that that say you

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would try to pass on to your children or

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that you yourself have for you well i

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think that's a good one and i share it

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but i can imagine

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uh

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other versions of having a an aim which

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don't really totally overlap with that i

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mean you know it would be you know

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someone could decide for instance that

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they have a talent

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that is highly marketable

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and what they want to do is make as much

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money as possible so that they can give

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a lot of it away to help people i mean

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money money is is just energy right it

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just you know if you are making billions

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of dollars and you're giving billions of

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dollars away to good causes

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well that you know on an effective

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altruism metric that's

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that's much better than you going to

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africa yourself and handing out food you

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know in a famine right you want to be

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bankrolling thousands of people to do

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that right

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uh and if you have a skill you know if

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you're a great singer or whatever and

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and

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uh it may be some a skill that you

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didn't spend a lot of time to acquire

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right so you you don't have this whole

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mastery

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story that you have and that actually

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resonates with me

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so that that would be a good life you

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know provided you can extract the

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psychological satisfaction from it

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because most of what we experience in

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philanthropy is

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when it when it's telescopic in this way

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when you're just signing a check you're

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not necessarily connected to the good

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you're doing and i can imagine

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someone doing

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immense good in the world by signing

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very large checks but not actually

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internalizing the gratification of that

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on some level we have to be aware of the

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possibility of rowing in two boats

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simultaneously there's what

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the effects

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are in the world of how we're living so

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you know we want to have a good impact

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on others

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but we actually want

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our

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conscious states of psychological

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pain and pleasure to be mapped in some

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rational way to the kinds of effects

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we're having right so you don't want to

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be a callous person who's just leaving

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devastated and unhappy people in your

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wake and taking pleasure in that i mean

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that you're you're a psychopath if

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that's that's how you're tuned

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but you also don't want to be

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a person who's

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doing a lot of good in the world but not

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able to internalize the felt sense of

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your connectedness to others because

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you're you know you're too neurotic or

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you're too distracted or you're just not

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you know connecting with others so it's

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really interesting and i don't think

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i've ever heard anybody else talk about

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that notion of making sure that you're

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mapping what you're doing to sort of be

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outwardly altruistic to actually map to

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your own

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internal state of well-being if you will

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and

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hearing the discussions that you've been

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around islam and how beliefs and ideas

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can be really dangerous

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made me ask a question

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of how

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and basically i'll i'll quickly

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summarize so you've got people that they

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have a book and the book has ideas and

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things that they are meant to believe

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and then act in accordance with and

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because of where they grew up or you

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know what their parents and the society

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around them taught them they

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internalized those beliefs and if we

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could through

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communicating our ideas well to them get

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them to see

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something that caused

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more well-being for other people that

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that would be a better way to move their

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belief system

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so one do you believe that a belief

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system is malleable in that there's some

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element of well you could choose this

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set of ideology or you could choose this

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and i don't know if you would say that

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one of those is is more true than the

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other but certainly one may take us

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closer to well-being than the other

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and if you think that belief systems are

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by their very nature malleable things

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what would sort of be the belief system

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in just like a couple tenants that you

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could hand to somebody that you think

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would help them maximize their own

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well-being as well as serve a greater

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good

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speaking generically i think

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having our beliefs map onto reality to

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some degree is obviously good because if

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they're not you're just bumping into

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hard objects

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like if your map is completely wrong

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you are bound to suffer right so we have

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to be in a situation where

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radical ignorance can't be bliss right

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so that's that's one principle now there

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could be a looseness of fit there could

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be situations where

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being

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strictly right about what's true

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may be non-optimal right there may be it

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may be useful to have a slightly

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delusional

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self-serving bias right to think you're

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coming off better than you are like it

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may give you more enthusiasm for your

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life more confidence but

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anything that's too

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out of register is just delusion right

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and other people notice and other people

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treat you like somebody who's just not

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tracking in a reality

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and so

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that's one principle so i think we want

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our beliefs

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to be

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true in some basic sense

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and

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therefore we want to be open to new

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evidence and better arguments

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perpetually right because if you're if

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you close yourself off if you say well

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listen i'm done i'm done thinking about

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reality

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and i know what's true

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then again when more data comes in

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you know when something's surprising

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when one of your intuitions proves to be

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faulty

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if you can't error correct again you're

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just going to fall out of alignment with

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what's going on in the world and what

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with what other people think is true as

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well so the really the only mechanism we

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have to do that

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is human conversation right we have to

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be open to

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having other people point out errors in

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our thinking and we ha in and in the

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conversation we have with ourselves we

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have to do likewise we have to be

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continually open to the possibility that

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we might be wrong and in fact we're very

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likely to be wrong a lot of the time

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and

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so then you know then hence the virtue

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of getting educated and surrounding

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yourself with smart people and reading

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good books and just exposing yourself to

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the kinds of lessons that

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other people

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have learned over you know thousands of

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years and are learning in real time

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right now and

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you can live vicariously through you

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don't have to make all the errors that

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everyone is made right around you so you

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don't have to it's like you can look at

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lance armstrong and say okay well it's

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probably not a good idea to lie you know

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relentlessly about something and then

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try to punish the people who caught you

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in your lives and then get caught and

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have to wind up on oprah apologizing

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right i mean that's you know you can you

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can internalize that lesson and

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understand something about the ethics

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and reputational costs of lying

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uh

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so

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given that given the conversation and an

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openness to the intrusions of other

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people's thinking is

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really the the best game in town for

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understanding what reality is and how to

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navigate within it

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then you can see how

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non-optimal

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and you know ultimately dangerous

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dogmatism is now dogmatism is just

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holding to an idea no matter what else

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comes into view right so there's nothing

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you can say to challenge this i'm so you

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know i'll talk to you about all this

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stuff but over here there's something

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that i care about some proposition you

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know some assertion that something is

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true that i care about so much i'm so

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emotionally attached to it that

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not only is it non-negotiable

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if you continue to push over here i'm

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going to get angrier and angrier right

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i'm going to i'm going to threaten you

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with violence right that is the default

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state of organized religion right

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historically and let me say that you

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know certain religions now have kind of

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relaxed their

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intolerance to a degree where the the

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violence isn't explicit

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but

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that is the not only is that the default

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of faith-based religion

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they have a a way of thinking about

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dogma i mean dogmatism is a good word in

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the context of religion i mean christian

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dogma is not is not a derogatory term

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they call it dogma for a reason right i

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can't certainly cat the catholics do so

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the this this notion that you can

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believe something strongly without

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evidence or certainly without good

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evidence without evidence that can

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survive pressure from outside so the the

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idea that wanting evidence is a

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perversion of your circumstance right so

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like you know you really if you if you

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buy this thing in the bag that you keep

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that i haven't shown you

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you are that redounds to your credit

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right uh it's just it's one it's not

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true because the experiential core of

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these religions i mean experiences like

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unconditional love say

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those can be experienced i mean it's not

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that everything in our religious

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literature is untrue but there's nothing

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that has to be believed on insufficient

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evidence to be explored and so what i

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recommend here is that we really

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adopt a scientific attitude

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everywhere we don't partition our

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thinking about reality where we say well

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here's the stuff over here where

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super important but we can't think about

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it too rigorously right in fact i think

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about it too rigorously is to corrupt it

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and then over here we've got you know

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science and technology and you know

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engineers calculating whether a bridge

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is going to you know withstand the

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weight of the traffic on it and there we

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can think rigorously so you know don't

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tell me about

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rigor with respect to meaning and you

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know what what's worth living for and

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what's worth dying for and you know what

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what is love and compassion and

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well-being like that's all that has to

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be

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just

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we have to be hostage to a conversation

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that our ancestors were having 2 000

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years ago and we have to imagine that

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certain of our books were dictated by

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the creator of the universe to organize

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all that but over here let's get let's

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get it all dialed in because we really

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care about how our smartphones work

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right it makes it makes no sense it's

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trying to trying to resolve that tension

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is something i've spent a lot of time on

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it's it's interesting to me that that

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tension exists and it makes me come back

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to okay why doesn't that tension exist

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in my own life and the organizing

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principle that i use

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and i think a lot about like what would

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somebody pass on to their children now

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i've decided not to have kids so i will

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never get to answer this but i spent a

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lot of time thinking about what are the

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organizing principles you've referred to

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ideas as sort of the operating system of

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the mind

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and that seems very apt to me so what

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are the organizing principles that i

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would give somebody to think in a

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certain way and one of the things i'm

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obsessed with and i think i explain this

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so poorly i don't see it light people's

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eyes up and i'd love to figure out how

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to say it well which is this skills have

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utility now what i mean by that is

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learning architecture is interesting

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because it allows you to build a

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structure that could protect somebody

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allows you to build a structure that to

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really make it basic

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like the one i forget exactly what

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country it's in but the seed vault right

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like you understand architecture well

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enough and how to ventilate things and

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all the things that seeds would need to

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like live for a very long time so we

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could replant if we had to

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learning those skills

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had a purpose and that purpose allows

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for something to happen and so let's

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take brazilian jiu jitsu which i know

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that you do jiu jitsu

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everything that you learn in jiu jitsu

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has a real world implication and that

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real world implication is one if you got

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into a fight you'd probably be more

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likely to be able to successfully defend

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yourself and that in and of itself is is

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so profound as to be worth the time now

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there's obviously all kinds of other

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benefits as well but

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once people understand oh okay these

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skills have utility then i need to be

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fiendish about increasing my skill set

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because it has this real world

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application so the problem that i get

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into where people are dogmatic about

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anything whether it's religion or like i

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wrote this belief system okay it was the

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25 things that i had to do to my mind in

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order to go from

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being a good employee which i always

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lovingly refer to as sort of a

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slave-like mentality i kept my head down

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did as little work as possible and

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avoided punishment at all costs that's

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where i started that's what my parents

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taught me to do

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and to get out of that and to become an

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entrepreneur there were these very

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simple write-downable things that i had

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to choose to believe and act in

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accordance with

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and if you came to me and said hey tom

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by the way number 14 on your list

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doesn't make sense and it doesn't make

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sense for this reason i think you

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misunderstood something about your own

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journey i'd be like that's so rad

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because now you're giving me something

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that has more utility than the thing

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that i've used right thus far

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one why do you think that breaks down

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what is it that people value more than

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that is there some internal thing and

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then what process can people use to

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become more aware of

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what's guiding their decision making

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because i think a lot of people i don't

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know if it's just at a feeling level

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it's like a limbic thing or what

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well i think it's a framing problem

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because

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most of what people care about can be

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thought of as a skill i mean well-being

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is it's a skill not suffering

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unnecessarily is a skill

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regulating

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noticing your emotional life and

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regulating negative emotion is a skill i

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saw you know i have a meditation app and

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you know meditation is a skill it's a

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very useful one and i'm spending a lot

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of time teaching

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what's now referred to as mindfulness

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meditation

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and

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the moment you begin practicing

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mindfulness which is just just learning

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to pay close attention

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to the nature of your experience you're

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not adding anything to your experience

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you're just noticing what it's like to

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be you moment to moment but in a way

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that is

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not reactive you're not grasping at

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what's pleasant or pushing what's

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unpleasant away you're just i mean to

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make this concrete and let's say you

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have a fear of public speaking right so

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you about to go down out on stage and

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you feel anxiety

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the the usual the default state of

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someone who doesn't want to have that

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experience it's just trying to figure is

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is one to you know in advance worry

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about that experience i mean the anxiety

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is kindled just by the mere thought of

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what you have to do

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then

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once you feel the butterflies

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you

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are at war with them right your contract

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your mind contracts around it your

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conversation with yourself is is an

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unhappy one it's like why the am i

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this person who just can't like i see

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people do this all the time they're

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they're relaxed i'm unhappy you know

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when am i and you're you're talking to

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yourself you're not noticing it because

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your the thoughts just come up from

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behind you as fast as as as they can and

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they seem to be you right you're

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identified with each thought that

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emerges in consciousness

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and most people live their lives as

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though there's no alternative

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we're not given a rule book for how to

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operate a human mind right and there's

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no place in a normal education where

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we're

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where it's even indicated that there's

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an alternative here and

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so we get we kind of stumble out into

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adulthood

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more or less assuming that we have we'll

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always have the minds we have and that

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really there's you know we the only

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thing we can do to really upgrade our

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firmware is to

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just add new content you know we can

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read books we can we can

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develop interests but

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there's nothing

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at the sort of root level of our

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emotional and cognitive life that can

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change and so mindfulness is a way of

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kind of dropping a little bit lower and

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realizing so in this case

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if you're feeling anxiety

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there's actually a place from which you

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can just feel it right and

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and be

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actually indifferent to it or anything

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else you could be feeling i mean just

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just notice that there's even an

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unpleasant sensation

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i mean first you can notice that anxiety

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isn't even that unpleasant it's so close

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to excitement in its actual physiology

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that really the difference between

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excitement and anxiety is more

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or less just the the framing it's just

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the story you're telling yourself you

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know if you felt these these

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tingles

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and this you know slightly adrenalized

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response

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right before you know you're about to go

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on a roller coaster that's part of why

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you're going on the roller coaster you

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like that experience right but the fact

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that you feel that way when you're about

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to have an interview or you're about to

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you know walk out on stage that's

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intolerable right so just dropping back

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and realizing the the power of the

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framing is is again this is a skill that

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is a fairly esoteric one but now you

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know many people are learning it you

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know the secrets out

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and it has immense utility because then

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you can realize that the

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the half-life of negative emotions is

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incredibly short i mean one you could

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you can actually be

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psychologically free even in their

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presence right your freedom and your

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well-being isn't even predicated on

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getting rid of the physiology right like

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it can still be there but

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if you're not

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continually thinking about all the

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reasons why you should be anxious

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the physiology dissipates very very

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quickly and that's true for anger it's

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true for anything that that is

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classically negative

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and

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so to come back to your question

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many of the things that people think

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they want out of life

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they either think our or many or many of

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the the

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the ways they're keeping score about how

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good their lives are or aren't

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they're not seen as these are either

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you know this experience is being

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delivered to them either based on the

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skills they have or the skills they've

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never thought to acquire right and

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uh yeah so that's uh that's one thing i

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would add to the picture of the the

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usefulness of skills i want to talk

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about the emotional control that you

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bring up i think that's super powerful

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when my wife and i were first

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married my problem was i have a very

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slow fuse or a very long fuse and so it

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takes a lot to get me angry and that was

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actually a big complaint of hers she'd

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be really annoyed something would happen

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someone cut in front of us in line and i

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wouldn't freak out and she wanted me to

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freak out and she wanted me to like just

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bask in how unjust it was

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and

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she would really lament that and it just

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seemed so strange to me but then when i

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got mad i would stay mad and there were

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times i would stay mad 8 10 12 hours and

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i was working so much at the beginning

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of our relationship the only time that

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we really had together as husband and

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wife would be for part of a saturday

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and i would inevitably she would say

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something it would upset me i would get

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pissed and i would stay pissed the

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entire time but then as you said once

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you stop reinforcing it which i would do

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unfortunately i'd be reinforcing

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reinforcing and reinforcing it then

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something would happen it would change

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my neurochemistry i'd forget like why

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was i so mad

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every single time i was like

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why did i just waste that time being mad

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so i end up writing myself this letter

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and i gave it to my wife and i said read

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that to me the next time i get pissed

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off

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and in the letter i said hey me it's me

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i have no hidden agenda here as to why i

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want you to calm down other than the

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fact that you know

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that if you end up being pissed for

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several hours you're going to regret it

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every single time and

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right now i want you to laugh out loud

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and for however long it takes just laugh

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out loud you know studies show that you

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can't laugh out loud and remain pissed

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and so

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i gave it to her i got pissed she read

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it she only had to read it once it was

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so profoundly transformational to see

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that just by laughing out loud i

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couldn't stay angry that it really

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helped me get control of my emotions so

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that i knew i can do uh what i'll call a

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state shift i don't think i've ever

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heard you use that kind of language but

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if i'm angry i'm choosing to stay angry

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yeah

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unfortunately i hadn't found meditation

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at that point so i had to sort of brute

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force my way to that what can people do

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to learn to get control of their

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emotions

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well the first thing to realize is that

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they already have control

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virtually anyone watching this i would

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expect can do this under certain

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circumstances so the one example i would

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have you recall is i'm sure this has

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happened to almost everyone you're in

play25:57

some state like that you're you're angry

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you've just gotten triggered by

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something

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but then the phone rings right and the

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phone it's you're getting called by

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somebody who this is not someone for you

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to process your anger with this is like

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a business call or you have to function

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right

play26:10

and it actually

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perfectly interrupts your state you

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actually can just reset and

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have the conversation and the physiology

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is dissipating very very quickly there

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your attention is on something else and

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you're just having to function now of

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course if somebody if it's a friend or

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your mother or somebody who you can

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complain to well then you'll jump on and

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you'll you'll amplify this state because

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you'll have a reason to talk about it

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uh so you you can interrupt these states

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and simply put your attention on

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something else and and then you know and

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then it dissipates

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one thing that uh i'm really curious to

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know you seem just

play26:51

freakishly educated on a whole lot of

play26:54

topics what is your process for learning

play26:56

how do you go about

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in taking data how do you start do you

play27:01

pull threads what thread do you pull

play27:03

first if you do like how do you really

play27:04

begin to educate yourself on any given

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topic

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well i don't really have uh i mean i

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take in a lot of information and i

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always have so that's you know

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and not in necessarily an efficient or

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smart way i mean i don't have you know

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life hacks that

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that

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optimize me as a

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a consumer of information so you're like

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you know

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i know there are ways that are

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recommended to read a book so as to

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extract the the the actionable

play27:31

information as as quickly as possible

play27:33

from it

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i have never been

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uh an adopter of any of those ways so

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like you know and i mean we're still

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i basically read everything at the same

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speed so like i read everything like a

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scripture so if it's you know you know

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people magazine in a waiting room of a

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dentist's office i'm reading that at the

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same speed that i'm reading you know a

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work of philosophy or neuroscience and

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the big change of late i mean you know i

play27:56

guess this has probably happened

play27:57

somewhere around 10 years ago is that

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once i realized that

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there's functionally an infinite amount

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of information to consume you know it's

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doubling in the sciences every three to

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five years and you know there are

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literally thousands of good books that i

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will wish i had read but i will never

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get around to reading

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i've become a very

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fickle reader

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in the sense that i you know i cut my

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losses very early the sunk cost fallacy

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has completely disappeared for me the

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idea that i've you know spent five hours

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or five days on this thing so i better

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just finish it right that used to be my

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orientation with respect to reading

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books now i'll i'll discard a book uh

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you know just on a whim because i know

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there's an infinite amount of stuff i

play28:41

want to read you know i don't go into

play28:42

the table of contents and look at the

play28:44

structure of the book and then go to the

play28:46

index and then look at the topics and

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then i mean i i just start on page one

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and start reading and then when i get

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bored i stop you know and

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uh

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so that's uh you know do it do with what

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do with that life hack what you will

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but

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i do

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continually i mean i'm either listening

play29:06

to audio books or podcasts or the news

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when i'm

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working out or commuting or or

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you know i'm just uh

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you know constantly taking in

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information you know fairly passively

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when i'm multitasking

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uh so there's not you know i mean the

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one thing that that i don't have a lot

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of in my life is music because i you

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know i can't write to to music certainly

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about music with lyrics i can't podcast

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music obviously

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uh and

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i've decided that there's so much that

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i'm interested in there's so much that i

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want to know

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that basically

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i just hear music by accident now i mean

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i just like if someone else is playing

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music or if i walk into a store there's

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music associated with the film it's

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getting in but

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otherwise i'm just you know i'm just a

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fire hose of information pointed at my

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head most of the time yeah i get that

play29:56

so

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despite the uh that per chance haphazard

play30:00

way that you're reading it does seem at

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least from the outside that you are

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striving i would say pretty truly for

play30:05

excellence

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helped me reconcile so

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one of the things i struggled with with

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meditation was it felt decidedly

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feminine

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and in a way that as somebody who i felt

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i felt that certainly growing up that i

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was far more on the feminine end of

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being a guy than anything else and so

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for me my journey certainly to being an

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entrepreneur was one of toughening up um

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and so anything that that made me sort

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of feel that old school sort of gentle

play30:34

way

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i would push back on and it's why i

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didn't meditate for a long time

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but i see you you're doing brazilian jiu

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jitsu you're somebody who obviously

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cares about martial arts and being able

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to fight and defend yourself i've heard

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you talk very eloquently about

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violence and clearly in your

play30:50

professional life you've

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just even just what you've done in the

play30:54

writing let alone the lecturing you've

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already achieved such massive success

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refused to believe that there wasn't a

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just massive amount of energy behind

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that

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so how do you think about meditation in

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that context is this like going to war

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with your mind and you're i'm going to

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come out the other side having face

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demons uh and having won some sort of

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victory that allows me to perform at a

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higher level or am i totally missing all

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of this and it needs to be a letting go

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a more peaceful relaxed

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sort of transient experience yeah well

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at first it's a very common association

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i totally understand it and it's

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presented in many ways

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where yeah you under that framing you

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can just feel the testosterone leaving

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your body you know

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so

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uh yeah that's not my orientation it is

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a lot like

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jiu-jitsu for the mind and it's and it's

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a lot like it i mean what's so beautiful

play31:47

about jiu jitsu

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in particular is that

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you can have this massive effect in the

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domain of violence

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while being relaxed it is what aikido

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off you know advertises itself to be but

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it's a much more you know at least in my

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estimation a much more effective version

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of that same

play32:08

underlying ethic where you can like you

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can

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control someone

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uh

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and

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use as little violence as as necessary

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and basically just use

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a superior knowledge of physics and

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leverage and position against them so

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it's a very

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it can be incredibly relaxed and yet

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um

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given what the circumstance is it can be

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a a very high testosterone experience

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you know it's not it's a kind of

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quintessentially

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uh

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masculine thing to be doing

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but

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you can internalize the same sort of

play32:45

structure

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and

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that's largely what meditation is

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because basically

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the default state is one of being

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attacked and ambushed all the time

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by your thoughts and by your reactivity

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and by

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uh you are being taken in

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by assumptions and and illusions and not

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knowing just you just you're in a fog

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not you personally but you know one is

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and

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um

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you know even when you learn to meditate

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you're in this fog most of the time i

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mean and you're cut so the practice

play33:18

is one of continually breaking the spell

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you were constantly on the mat

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constantly finding yourself in a

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position

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of some surprising disadvantage right

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like it's like all of a sudden there's a

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rear naked choke that's you know three

play33:32

quarters applied right

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and

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you need an answer for that and

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not knowing the answer is just

play33:38

synonymous with death right it's like

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you're you're just getting you know

play33:42

you're just you'll be as miserable for

play33:44

as long as as

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circumstances dictate in the absence of

play33:48

this

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and i shudder to interrupt this because

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i find it so interesting tying it to bjj

play33:53

but um i need to know why is it or i

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want it said

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why is it that the identification with

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the eye or the these never-ending

play34:02

thoughts why do they create

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well it's just the ego is

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at bottom it is itself a kind of

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contraction i mean when you look at what

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you your this feeling of self is right

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so

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let's just talk about what the the sense

play34:17

of self is

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the sense of self for most of us is not

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a feeling that we're identical with our

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bodies most people don't feel identical

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with their physical bodies they feel

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like they're passengers inside their

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bodies right they like my body's down

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here like these are my hands these are

play34:33

my legs you know i obviously care about

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these things you know if you know i i

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you know this these were my pains and

play34:39

pleasures are coming from

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but i'm up here in the head

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and

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i'm a kind of passenger i'm a witness

play34:46

of this

play34:48

and if you look i mean most people when

play34:50

they try to pay attention they try to

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find themselves they try to you know

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they

play34:54

they try to meditate

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they feel that they're a locust of

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attention in the head

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behind their face behind their eyes you

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know looking out at the world and the

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world is not self you know you're you're

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over there i'm looking across space at

play35:07

you i'm here behind my face

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and my face is a kind of mask really i

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mean it's like i'm not identical to my

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face i mean i it's

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it's states matter to me like if i have

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some weird expression on my face you

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know like someone said like well

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can we take a picture of you and you

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can't figure out how to smile and you

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feel uptight like you're reading the

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state of your face as

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your emotions are playing on your on

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your face right

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the signature of the emotion you're

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feeling has a lot to do with what you

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feel in your face

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um and it feeds back into your mind if

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you force yourself to smile you can you

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actually feel a state of happiness

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coming in your in your mind

play35:44

uh

play35:46

but people feel like they're behind

play35:47

their face in their head right and so

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that

play35:49

you know kind of homunculus that that

play35:51

that person in the head

play35:53

which we know doesn't make any sense

play35:55

neurologically there's no place in the

play35:56

brain where there could be a little you

play35:58

know consciousness that is one thing

play36:00

that is this stable self that's looking

play36:02

out through the eyes right

play36:05

there's a flow of experience and you

play36:08

know it is

play36:09

invoking you know many regions of the

play36:11

brain at all times

play36:13

and

play36:14

there is no you you are identical

play36:17

to this flow of experience this the

play36:19

stream of consciousness

play36:21

is what you are as a matter of

play36:23

subjectivity right i'm not i'm not

play36:25

saying that it's not a horizon in the

play36:26

brain or that bodies aren't real or that

play36:28

there's no physical universe i'm saying

play36:30

as a matter of experience

play36:31

there is just this flow of consciousness

play36:34

and its contents and

play36:37

yet we seem to put this unchanging

play36:39

center to it and

play36:41

that is a

play36:42

the what what that is you know what the

play36:45

what is giving us that feeling that

play36:47

there is an unchanging center to this

play36:49

flow

play36:50

is

play36:51

this sort of this contracted

play36:53

identification with thought it is a kind

play36:56

of thought it is just each moment of you

play36:59

know if i'm saying something

play37:01

and it doesn't make sense or it sounds

play37:03

like

play37:04

the part of it the part the the

play37:06

experience in you which says oh that's

play37:07

not right right that

play37:10

feels like you right i mean you're not

play37:12

you're not witnessing

play37:14

it as an object and consciousness just

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arise and pass away it sort of has come

play37:18

up from behind and it just feels like

play37:20

that's me right and but that thing is

play37:22

always happening that that's me feeling

play37:24

is always happening and so

play37:27

you just feel like you're in your head

play37:28

behind your face right

play37:30

well for two reasons there's two sides

play37:31

of this coin

play37:33

so much of our of of what we're thinking

play37:36

is making us miserable right so much of

play37:37

it is unpleasant so much of it is

play37:39

causing anxiety we got you look at your

play37:41

to-do list you got 50 things on it you

play37:43

just feel like oh my this is the day is

play37:44

not long enough right this is

play37:47

you know the state and that's a good you

play37:48

know that's a you know a high-class

play37:49

problem to have right i mean you know

play37:51

there are worse problems

play37:53

this is the state we're in

play37:55

and the obverse of that is when we're

play37:58

really just

play37:59

connecting with life in a joyful

play38:02

creative beautiful way like when you

play38:04

look out the window and it's the most

play38:05

beautiful sunset ever

play38:07

and you are just looking at the sunset

play38:09

right you're not like you're fully

play38:11

connected with its beauty

play38:14

those are all moments where you're

play38:16

losing this sense of of self but the

play38:20

difference between meditation and those

play38:22

moments is that

play38:24

you're not really aware of losing the

play38:26

sense of self in those moments you're

play38:27

not really aware of what is

play38:30

freeing about those moments and you

play38:32

can't do it

play38:34

in other circumstances like you can't

play38:35

like you know i need the i need the

play38:38

beautiful sunset just looking at your

play38:40

shoe isn't it good enough for me right

play38:42

but with meditation i can actually look

play38:44

at your shoe in the same way that i look

play38:46

at the sunset right so that's the like

play38:48

what's what's happening for people

play38:51

most people is that they're waiting for

play38:53

the world to give them a good enough

play38:55

reason to just be present and to be

play38:58

present so fully that they lose their

play39:00

sense of of self right that they're no

play39:02

longer behind their face

play39:04

you know

play39:06

just waiting for something good to

play39:08

happen right or figuring out how to

play39:10

change the experience enough

play39:12

so that

play39:13

again they can stop they're no longer at

play39:15

war i mean we're

play39:16

to a greater or lesser degree

play39:19

we're always

play39:20

at war i mean we're always fighting

play39:23

something you know there's always this

play39:24

like you know you're always noticing

play39:26

something wrong you're feeling

play39:28

uncomfortable in your body you're

play39:30

reacting to something that somebody did

play39:32

or you thought they did you're

play39:34

navigating a social encounter that seems

play39:36

off-kilter you know it's awkward and

play39:38

like you're trying to figure out what to

play39:39

say and that that sounded stupid and

play39:42

like you're you're you're just being

play39:44

blown around

play39:45

and

play39:46

the moments where you really feel good

play39:49

are moments where you can you are there

play39:51

there isn't a a coming to rest right

play39:54

where it's not about the past or future

play39:56

you know it's not even about it's not

play39:58

about half a second ago it's not about

play40:00

half a second from now and

play40:02

the ultimate version of that is

play40:05

to ju

play40:06

entails the dropping of this this

play40:09

sense of self

play40:11

is everything you do about flourishing

play40:13

for you unfortunately not i mean

play40:15

you know i mean wisdom

play40:17

would be

play40:19

really being able to track what is going

play40:21

to matter you know at the end of the day

play40:23

or at the end of a life for me

play40:24

flourishing

play40:26

is a matter of

play40:28

spending your time

play40:30

pleasantly

play40:31

and happily and creatively

play40:36

and having fun

play40:37

but in all the ways which

play40:40

it at every moment when someone asks you

play40:43

well you know that last hour that last

play40:45

day that last week that last year

play40:47

do you feel good about that was that a

play40:49

good use of your time

play40:50

that remembering self that retrospective

play40:54

gesture

play40:55

that's where people worry about things

play40:57

like meaning right i mean that's like so

play40:59

it's like there's two i mean to use you

play41:00

know danny kahneman's

play41:02

framing here there's the experiencing

play41:04

self and there's the remembering self

play41:06

and the the remembering self is the self

play41:10

that you're talking to when you say you

play41:12

know are you satisfied with your life

play41:14

whether you're asking yourself or

play41:15

someone's asking you

play41:16

and

play41:18

the answers that are available

play41:20

in the in those moments

play41:22

really determine whether or not somebody

play41:25

has a kind of global life satisfaction

play41:27

whether they have meaning and those are

play41:28

that's the those are the moments where

play41:30

people feel like you know i need

play41:32

religion i need to know i you know i

play41:34

need to know how the the far future is

play41:36

going to be i need like i need some

play41:38

story

play41:39

to tell myself that is fundamentally

play41:40

consoling but the experiencing self the

play41:43

ex the self that is just going moment to

play41:45

moment

play41:47

feeling pains and pleasure and

play41:49

uh just dealing with dealing with this

play41:52

the very short you know time horizon

play41:55

uh

play41:56

i think that is

play41:59

that's fundamentally our real self i

play42:01

mean the remembering self is the

play42:03

is a version of that you know if you ask

play42:05

me are you satisfied with your life and

play42:07

i you know spend the next 30 seconds

play42:08

telling you about that that is yet

play42:11

another you know brief chapter in my

play42:13

experiencing self right and

play42:16

most of life

play42:18

is it is

play42:20

a story is is you know is getting

play42:23

getting summed over this this

play42:26

this lifeline of the experience itself

play42:28

and

play42:29

their

play42:31

questions of meaning

play42:33

and a kind of global story to tell

play42:35

yourself about what this is all about

play42:38

are are far less important than people

play42:40

think i mean i think you want to be

play42:42

playing both games intelligently you

play42:44

don't want

play42:46

to be absorbed in in pleasures which

play42:49

every time you think about your life

play42:51

have you feeling

play42:52

god i'm just wasting my life i'm just

play42:54

you know i'm a superficial guy you know

play42:56

i've you know i got wealthy and now i

play42:58

just you know do heroin and play golf

play43:00

right and it's just fun you know like

play43:02

whenever you check in with me i feel

play43:04

pretty good because i have you know an

play43:06

unlimited supply of heroin and golf

play43:08

uh but

play43:09

it's

play43:10

you know i can't really you know i'm

play43:12

sort of embarrassed by it every time i

play43:13

have to talk about it right that like

play43:15

that's not the you know you you do want

play43:17

so over here you still do want

play43:22

you want your pleasures

play43:24

to be justified

play43:26

by good relationships and and a world

play43:29

that

play43:30

cares about your inputs and outputs

play43:32

right so you're like you want

play43:35

you know you want what you're paying

play43:37

attention to all day long to matter to

play43:38

someone else and we're so deeply social

play43:41

it's not wrong to want those things

play43:44

but again

play43:46

it's possible to have a

play43:49

purchase on well-being that is deeper

play43:51

than any one of those things so that

play43:52

when you lose one of those things right

play43:54

when you find out that the the thing you

play43:56

thought

play43:57

people would love they actually hated

play43:59

right you know the television show you

play44:00

wrote or the novel you wrote or whatever

play44:02

you invested all this time you had a

play44:04

hope for this thing but your hopes were

play44:07

disappointed how long do you suffer over

play44:09

that right

play44:10

in the absence of

play44:12

and

play44:13

this sort of superpower that where you

play44:15

can actually find an intrinsic

play44:16

well-being to consciousness

play44:18

it will be for as long as you know your

play44:21

you know bad genes and bad life

play44:23

experiences dictate right it's like it's

play44:24

just you're at the mercy of who you were

play44:26

yesterday and so met you know as a skill

play44:29

meditation is fairly unique in that

play44:31

you can actually reset independent of

play44:34

what's going on but again it's not a

play44:36

reason to become

play44:38

uh

play44:39

totally immune

play44:41

to your integra you know the effects

play44:43

you're having on the world and what the

play44:44

world is telling you because ultimately

play44:47

you are going to spend most of your time

play44:50

asleep and dreaming you know this in

play44:52

this

play44:53

state with you know

play44:55

in conversation with yourself and in

play44:56

conversation with others no matter how

play44:58

much you meditate i mean i you know i

play44:59

think ultimately there are people who

play45:01

get

play45:02

you know quote fully enlightened and

play45:04

completely break the spell of being

play45:06

identified with with thoughts

play45:08

um you know i'm not one of those people

play45:10

or certainly not yet and uh so

play45:13

i experienced this fluctuation

play45:15

but the the

play45:17

the fluctuation

play45:18

is so important for

play45:20

my well-being that i imagine that i can

play45:22

talk about it without you know

play45:24

hesitation

play45:26

what do you say to people who the deep

play45:28

fundamental problem in their life is

play45:30

that they're lost they have no sense of

play45:32

meaning or purpose they don't know what

play45:33

direction to go into they're sliding

play45:35

towards depression because

play45:37

it all seems so pointless um that that's

play45:40

something that i encounter with people a

play45:42

lot um people will stop me randomly and

play45:44

just be like help

play45:46

and

play45:47

i'd love to know

play45:49

knowing that you have a very limited

play45:50

window of time with that person

play45:52

you know what would you say in like 60

play45:54

or 90 seconds that would hopefully send

play45:56

them on a path that would actually be

play45:58

useful

play46:01

well i would just point out the

play46:02

mechanics of it which is what is

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actually going on is that they're lost

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in thought they're they're thinking

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without knowing that they're thinking

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basically every moment of their waking

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life right and the and the character of

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that story in this case is depressing or

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or

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uh you know

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certainly productive of unhappiness

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now

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there are two

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there's three at least three possible

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antidotes to that and

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they should try all of them right so

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like if we're talking about a clinical

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depression it's it's useful to say that

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there's a physiology to this that you

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know can be

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driven from below in a way that's not

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narrowly responsive to their thinking

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right so it's it'll tend to produce

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depressive thoughts and the depressive

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thoughts will tend to feed back on the

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state but

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you know i don't think all

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forms of depression are just a matter of

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what a person's thinking it can be

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really it's it's best viewed as a kind

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of disease you know of physiology and

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so you know i'm not against

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antidepressants at all i know many

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people who've you know received a lot of

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help from them and i hope we get better

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ones in the future and and pharmacology

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is definitely a piece of the of the

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solution for for many people

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and everything else that is good to do

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that people sort of lose their

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commitment

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to doing at the worst possible time

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should be done i mean you have to sort

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of get behind yourself and push

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to exercise and to socialize and to do

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things that you know you you may not

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want to do because those are good for

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you and help

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you know break and can break you out of

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it but the normal

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range of psychological suffering

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you know not clinical depression but

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just feeling like you know life sucks

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and you're a failure and there's nothing

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you know it's like

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you're just it's you're stuck

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that is a story of

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telling yourself a story you're thinking

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and you can

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either become more and more mindful of

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that and interrupt that more and more

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and or and it should be and

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you can

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reframe

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this continually and tell yourself a

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better story right you can actually just

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engineer

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you know you can you can change the code

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that you're that you're

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you know

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uh running moment to moment

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and

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i mean just you know a very simple one

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which i you know i use and i actually

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recently recorded this

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in a lesson on the app you know just

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gratitude just thinking this is actually

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you know this particular maneuver is

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i believe comes from stoic philosophy i

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didn't actually get it from stoic

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philosophy but this this sort of

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use of negative imagination where you

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think of

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all of the bad things that haven't

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happened to you right so if you're just

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you know if you're stuck in traffic

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driving to the job that you don't like

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and

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you're you're frustrated

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you can think of all the things that

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could happen to you right that haven't

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and if any one of them happened to you

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you would consider your prayers answered

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if you could just be returned to this

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moment right like you haven't been

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diagnosed with cancer right you've got

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two young kids say

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you know you want to live to see them

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grow up and you could be the guy who

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today is going to find out you've got

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two months to live right and you have to

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then the next two months is spent

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just

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unwinding your worldly affairs right

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you're not that guy right that hasn't

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happened to you yet

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that's just more thinking

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but it can have a profound effect you

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can you can reframe your experience in a

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way that doesn't actually change

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anything material about your

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circumstance

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and it can let the light in and there

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are many techniques like that that are

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just a matter of invoking useful

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concepts skillfully

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tell these guys where they can find you

play49:56

online the making sense podcast is

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something i spend a lot of time doing

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my meditation app is at wakingup.com

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it's called waking up

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and

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otherwise i'm just my website sam

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harris.org i'm on twitter it's also sam

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harris org there's no dot

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but

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you just put in sam harris and you'll

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get an eyeful

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yes very true

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what's the impact that you want to have

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on the world

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well you know i

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what i'm spending my time doing is

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trying to engage

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honestly with

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interesting and consequential ideas i

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mean so the net the the the venn diagram

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i i have you know i don't think about it

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a lot but when i

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think about you know retrospectively

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what i have been spending a lot of time

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doing

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i i seem to keep finding the

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intersection

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of intellectually interesting ideas they

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have to have some con connection to

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science or philosophy or it just

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has to be the kind of thing that someone

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would may want to think about anyway

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because they're just cool ideas so

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something like artificial intelligence

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right

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very interesting to think about

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but it's also

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hugely consequential you know

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increasingly so and if we get it wrong

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it will

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you know redown to our misery right if

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not extinction right so like that is

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that's

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the the center of the bull's-eye for me

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something that's interesting

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something that's consequential something

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that that getting it the difference

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between getting it right and wrong is

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enormous right and that's so so those

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are that's sort of the landscape where

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i'm trying to continually focus my

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conversations i love that

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all right guys truly there are a few

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people on this planet that have

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influenced my thinking more than this

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man i hope that you will dive in his

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world and let it expand your own

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consciousness and and discover new

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things that you're capable of

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if you haven't already be sure to

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subscribe and until next time my friends

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be legendary take care

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sam jesus dude how many times have you

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robbed the bank

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i have the bank the way uh

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you mean as in went into a one and stole

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the cash four times wow and stole money

play52:15

virtually dozens of times

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Related Tags
NeurosciencePhilosophyWell-beingMindfulnessAnxietyExcitementEmotional ControlSelf-improvementConsciousnessMeditation