I had 80k followers photographed celebrities and deleted everything in one afternoon

Summary

This deeply personal narrative follows a creative’s journey through grief, ambition, and self-discovery. After losing his grandmother and grandfather, he moves from the Bay Area to Los Angeles, navigating anonymity, impostor syndrome, and the pressures of social media fame. Rising as a photographer with 80,000 followers and high-profile clients like Snoop Dogg and Selena Gomez, he experiences success yet feels increasingly disconnected from his authentic self. Overwhelmed by expectation and comparison, he ultimately deletes his Instagram and relocates to Australia, seeking freedom, reinvention, and the courage to confront the grief he had long buried. It is a story of loss, identity, and transformation.

Takeaways

• 😢 The speaker experienced profound grief with the loss of both grandparents, which they initially avoided processing.
• 🚗 The grandmother's final moments were traumatic and left a lasting emotional impact on the speaker.
• 👴 The grandfather's grief after his wife’s death showed the deep emotional bond and highlighted the human cost of loss.
• 🎬 Moving to Los Angeles marked a turning point in the speaker's career but also introduced feelings of impostor syndrome and self-doubt.
• 📸 Transitioning from music videos to photography helped the speaker discover a new form of creative expression.
• 🌐 Instagram became a pivotal platform for the speaker, leading to high-profile opportunities with celebrities and brands like Snoop Dogg, Selena Gomez, and Nike.
• ⚖️ Success brought unexpected pressures, including the challenge of maintaining a high standard and dealing with public scrutiny.
• 😔 Social media attention began to feel hollow, as followers were drawn to the work rather than the authentic self of the speaker.
• ✈️ Relocating to Australia was an attempt to escape external pressures and revisit personal identity, but it forced confrontation with unresolved grief.
• 🧘‍♂️ Ultimately, deleting Instagram and leaving LA symbolized the speaker’s desire to release expectations and redefine themselves without external validation.
• 💡 The transcript emphasizes the interplay between personal loss, creative ambition, identity, and the pressures of public success.

Q & A

Why did the narrator delete their social media accounts despite having 80,000 followers and big-name connections?

The narrator deleted their social media accounts because they no longer recognized the person they had become online. The online persona felt disconnected from their true self, and maintaining that image caused stress and pressure.

How did the narrator’s experience with grief influence their career decisions?

The narrator buried the grief of losing their grandmother and grandfather, which led to emotional avoidance. This avoidance influenced their move to Los Angeles and their intense focus on work as a distraction, ultimately impacting how they engaged with their craft and identity.

What challenges did the narrator face when transitioning from the Bay Area to Los Angeles?

In Los Angeles, the narrator faced anonymity, imposter syndrome, and the need to adapt to a more competitive environment with experienced directors and polished work. Their previous recognition in the Bay Area didn’t carry weight in LA, creating self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy.

How did the narrator’s photography career develop in Los Angeles?

The narrator started photographing models after initially doing music videos. Their work gained attention through Instagram, leading to opportunities with agencies, celebrities like Selena Gomez, and brands like Nike. This career shift allowed them to grow as a photographer independently of their prior music video work.

What role did social media play in the narrator’s career and emotional state?

Social media amplified both their career opportunities and emotional pressures. While it helped them gain followers, exposure, and professional connections, it also intensified comparison, self-doubt, and stress, as likes and comments began to feel like measures of personal validation rather than professional achievement.

How did the narrator describe their grandparents’ deaths and their impact on them?

The narrator described both grandparents’ deaths as profound experiences that they did not fully process. Their grandmother died after a hospital stay with a tube in her throat, and their grandfather passed peacefully over a FaceTime call. These events left unresolved grief that influenced their emotional and professional life.

What insights does the narrator provide about handling success and public attention?

The narrator explains that achieving success does not automatically bring satisfaction. Public attention can feel isolating if the persona being followed is not aligned with one’s true self. They emphasize that comparison, anticipation, and the pressure to maintain high standards can undermine personal fulfillment.

Why did the narrator feel like a fraud when learning from another director in LA?

While shadowing a well-established director, the narrator realized they lacked technical knowledge and formal craft skills, despite their prior experience. This discrepancy made their professional identity feel like a costume rather than authentic, intensifying imposter syndrome.

What does the narrator suggest about the relationship between grief and creativity?

The narrator implies that unprocessed grief can be buried and may resurface in different ways, affecting creative expression and emotional well-being. Their move to LA and success in photography were intertwined with coping mechanisms for unresolved grief, showing how personal experiences shape creative paths.

How did the narrator’s perception of themselves change after reaching high-profile opportunities?

Despite achieving high-profile photography work with celebrities and brands, the narrator felt disconnected from the public persona. They realized that followers and recognition were directed at a version of themselves they no longer identified with, leading to a need for transformation and ultimately deleting their social media accounts.

What lesson did the narrator learn from leaving Los Angeles for Australia?

The narrator learned that changing location cannot fix unresolved grief or internal struggles. Moving to Australia provided distance and relief from public pressure, but it forced them to confront emotions they had previously buried, showing that personal transformation requires internal work, not just external changes.