what it’s like being dependent on fentanyl

Summary

In this candid video, PA Overwatch shares their experience with prescription fentanyl after being diagnosed with a large, painful desmoid tumor. They explain how the medication is essential for managing constant, severe pain, while also describing the intense withdrawals and isolation caused by chemical dependency. The video covers the challenges of obtaining the medication, the impact on daily life, and the emotional toll of feeling incapacitated. PA Overwatch emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and transparency, offering insight into living with chronic pain and chemical addiction, and aims to raise awareness and support for others facing similar struggles.

Takeaways

• 💊 The speaker is on prescription fentanyl due to a desmoid tumor causing severe, constant pain.
• 🧬 The tumor is not cancerous but behaves aggressively, affecting nerves and muscles, requiring strong pain management.
• 🩺 Fentanyl patches provide long-acting pain relief, while morphine is used for breakthrough pain.
• ⏳ Dependence on fentanyl is chemical; missing doses leads to intense withdrawal symptoms affecting both body and mind.
• 😢 Withdrawals can cause immobility, extreme pain, exhaustion, and difficulty performing daily tasks, leading to feelings of isolation.
• 🚗 Accessing fentanyl can be challenging, requiring travel to a hospital pharmacy due to limited availability at regular pharmacies.
• 🙏 Despite dependence, the speaker emphasizes that fentanyl use is strictly for survival and pain management, not recreational use.
• 🧠 The speaker discusses the mental and emotional toll of pain and withdrawals, including shame, stress, and the importance of self-compassion.
• ⚖️ The video highlights both positive (pain relief, improved quality of life) and negative (withdrawals, dependency, logistical stress) aspects of fentanyl use.
• 🌟 The speaker’s goal is to raise awareness, reduce isolation for others experiencing similar challenges, and encourage kindness to oneself.

Q & A

Why is the speaker taking fentanyl?

The speaker is taking fentanyl to manage severe pain caused by a desmoid tumor on their neck, which affects nerves and muscles and causes constant, intense pain.

What is a desmoid tumor and how is it different from cancer?

A desmoid tumor is a fast-growing tumor that is neither benign nor malignant. While it is not technically cancerous, it behaves similarly by affecting the body severely and requiring treatments like chemotherapy.

What other medications does the speaker use in addition to fentanyl?

The speaker also uses morphine for breakthrough pain, long-acting hydromorphone (previously), oxycodone, muscle relaxers, and lidocaine patches.

How does the fentanyl patch work?

The fentanyl patch delivers medication slowly through the skin over three days, providing continuous long-acting pain relief, unlike pills which act faster but for a shorter duration.

What does the speaker mean by being 'chemically addicted' to fentanyl?

Being chemically addicted means the speaker's body depends on fentanyl to function, and missing doses leads to severe withdrawal symptoms.

What are the withdrawal symptoms described in the video?

Withdrawal symptoms include extreme pain, immobility, exhaustion, inability to perform basic tasks, mental fog, and a feeling of isolation and desperation.

How does fentanyl affect the speaker's daily life?

Fentanyl allows the speaker to manage constant pain, improve quality of life, and perform daily activities. Without it, the speaker experiences incapacitating withdrawal and severe pain.

What challenges does the speaker face in obtaining fentanyl?

Fentanyl is difficult to obtain due to limited pharmacy stock. The speaker sometimes has to travel 1.5 hours to a hospital pharmacy monthly, causing stress, especially during withdrawal.

Has the speaker ever misused fentanyl?

No, the speaker emphasizes that fentanyl is used solely for pain management and survival, never for recreational purposes or altering their state of mind.

What role does self-compassion play in the speaker's experience?

Self-compassion helps the speaker cope with withdrawal and chronic pain by acknowledging limitations, forgiving themselves for what they cannot do, and creating space to recover physically and mentally.

Will the speaker eventually stop taking fentanyl?

It is uncertain. The speaker will continue using fentanyl as long as they have pain from the tumor. Future medication levels may change depending on tumor growth or chemotherapy needs.

What is the main purpose of the speaker sharing their story?

The speaker aims to raise awareness about the realities of medically necessary fentanyl use, chemical addiction in a medical context, and to help others feel less alone in similar experiences.