4 COMMON DEMENTIA CAREGIVER MISTAKES

Summary

In this video, the speaker addresses common mistakes made by caregivers of dementia patients and offers strategies to avoid them. By not correcting, arguing, reasoning, or testing the memory of the loved one, caregivers can reduce stress and improve relationships. The video emphasizes learning new communication techniques tailored to the needs of those with dementia, aiming to foster a calm and supportive environment.

Takeaways

• 😌 The video aims to help caregivers of dementia patients by discussing common mistakes and how to avoid them to reduce stress and improve relationships.
• 🌟 The speaker emphasizes that dementia patients cannot be expected to change due to direct requests, and it's the caregivers who must adapt their approach first.
• 🤔 The video mentions that caregivers often interact in ways that backfire with dementia patients, highlighting the need to learn new communication techniques.
• 📢 The speaker promotes a free life care class and a private program to help reduce caregiver stress using a specific system, indicating the availability of resources for support.
• 🚫 The first mistake highlighted is correcting the dementia patient too often, which can strain the relationship and cause unnecessary stress.
• 🙅‍♂️ The second mistake is arguing with the patient, which increases defensiveness and can lead to more difficult behaviors.
• 🤝 The third mistake is reasoning with the patient, an approach that often leads to frustration due to the patient's inability to comprehend or remember.
• 🧠 The fourth mistake is testing the patient's memory, which can be embarrassing and counterproductive to building confidence and maintaining a good relationship.
• 👍 The speaker encourages avoiding these mistakes not just for the benefit of the dementia patient but also for the caregiver's own well-being and reduced stress.
• 🔄 The process of avoiding these mistakes is acknowledged as a learning curve that requires time and patience, with the goal of progress rather than perfection.
• 🗣️ The video concludes by summarizing the four common mistakes to avoid: arguing, correcting, reasoning, and testing, and encourages viewers to share their own experiences or additional mistakes.

Q & A

What is the main purpose of the video?

The main purpose of the video is to discuss common mistakes made by caregivers of individuals with dementia and to provide advice on how to avoid these mistakes to reduce stress and improve the relationship with the loved one.

Why is it suggested not to correct a loved one with dementia every time they say or do something wrong?

Correcting a loved one with dementia every time they say or do something wrong can add unnecessary strain on the relationship, leading to more difficult behaviors and resistance from the loved one, and it can be very energy-consuming for the caregiver.

What is the alternative approach to correcting when a loved one with dementia shares incorrect information?

The alternative approach is to let minor inaccuracies go, and if it's crucial to correct the information, do so privately or when the loved one is not around, in a respectful way that doesn't wear away at the relationship.

Why should caregivers avoid arguing with their loved ones who have dementia?

Arguing can lead to defensiveness, upset, and suspicion from the loved one with dementia, which can increase difficult behaviors and stress levels for the caregiver.

What is the recommended way to handle a situation where a loved one with dementia makes an untrue statement or accusation?

The recommended way is to acknowledge what they said, respond in a calm and short way, and then redirect them to something else, avoiding direct arguments or attempts to reason with them.

Why is reasoning with a loved one with dementia often ineffective?

Reasoning is often ineffective because the brain with dementia may not be able to comprehend or understand the situation in the same way a person without dementia can, leading to frustration for both parties.

What is the fourth common mistake made by caregivers of individuals with dementia, as mentioned in the video?

The fourth common mistake is testing the memory of the loved one with dementia, which can be embarrassing and lead to defensiveness or a lack of engagement.

How should caregivers provide information to their loved ones with dementia instead of testing their memory?

Caregivers should offer the information directly in a simple and natural way, ensuring the loved one feels at ease and maintaining their dignity.

What is the 'Care Blazer Map System' mentioned in the video?

The 'Care Blazer Map System' is a method created by the video's presenter to help caregivers reduce stress and improve their caregiving approach, though the specific details of the system are not provided in the transcript.

How can caregivers benefit from the strategies discussed in the video?

By avoiding the common mistakes of correcting, arguing, reasoning, and testing, caregivers can reduce their stress, improve their relationship with their loved one, and create a more calm and supportive environment.

What is the importance of acknowledging, responding, and redirecting when dealing with a loved one's untrue statements or accusations?

This approach is important as it validates the loved one's feelings, provides a calm response that doesn't escalate the situation, and redirects their focus to a more positive or neutral activity, thus maintaining peace and reducing stress.

Outlines

00:00

😌 Reducing Caregiver Stress Through Avoiding Common Mistakes

The speaker introduces the topic of common mistakes made by caregivers of individuals with dementia and emphasizes the importance of avoiding these to reduce stress and improve relationships. They highlight that dementia patients cannot change their behaviors simply because they are told to, and caregivers must adapt their approach instead. The speaker also mentions a free life care class and a private program for further support, encouraging viewers to learn new ways of interacting with their loved ones to foster positive change.

05:01

🚫 Avoiding the Mistake of Constantly Correcting

The speaker discusses the first common mistake of constantly correcting individuals with dementia, which can strain the relationship and increase the likelihood of difficult behaviors. They suggest that unless there is an imminent safety risk, it is better to let minor inaccuracies go uncorrected to preserve the relationship and reduce unnecessary stress. The speaker also provides examples of how to handle situations where correction might be tempting, advising to let comments pass unless they pose a real risk.

10:03

🙅‍♂️ Steering Clear of Arguing with Dementia Patients

The second mistake highlighted is arguing with dementia patients over their false beliefs or statements. The speaker explains that arguing can lead to defensiveness, increased stress, and more difficult behaviors. Instead of arguing, the speaker recommends acknowledging the patient's statement, responding calmly, and redirecting their focus to something else. This approach is aimed at maintaining peace and reducing stress, rather than trying to convince the patient of the truth.

15:03

🤔 The Frustration of Reasoning with Dementia Patients

The third common mistake is attempting to reason with dementia patients, which often leads to frustration due to their impaired reasoning abilities. The speaker compares this to trying to get someone who is blind to see, illustrating the futility of expecting someone with dementia to understand or remember things as others do. Instead of reasoning, the speaker advises focusing on calming and reassuring the patient, using responses that make sense in their current cognitive state.

📚 Avoiding the Pitfall of Memory Testing

The final mistake discussed is testing the memory of dementia patients, which can be embarrassing and lead to defensiveness. The speaker advises against asking questions that may expose the patient's memory deficits and instead suggests providing information directly to ease their uncertainty and maintain dignity. The goal is to offer reassurance and support, helping the patient feel at ease without adding unnecessary challenges.

📝 Recap and Encouragement for Caregivers

The speaker recaps the four common mistakes to avoid: arguing, correcting, reasoning, and testing. They acknowledge the difficulty of changing established interaction patterns and encourage caregivers to be patient with themselves as they learn new ways to interact with their loved ones with dementia. The speaker emphasizes that even small reductions in these mistakes can lead to significant benefits for both the caregiver and the dementia patient, and they look forward to helping viewers in their live class and private program.

Keywords

💡Caregivers

Caregivers are individuals who provide care and support to those who are unable to care for themselves, often due to illness or disability. In the context of this video, caregivers are referred to as 'Care Blazers' and are specifically caring for loved ones with dementia. The script emphasizes the importance of avoiding certain behaviors to reduce stress and improve the relationship with the person with dementia.

💡Dementia

Dementia is a general term for a decline in cognitive ability severe enough to interfere with daily life. It is a progressive disease that affects memory, thinking, and social abilities. The video discusses the unique challenges of caring for someone with dementia and the need for caregivers to adapt their communication and approach to avoid exacerbating the condition.

💡Stress

Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from demanding circumstances. The video script frequently mentions stress, particularly caregiver stress, which is the stress experienced by those caring for a loved one with a chronic or serious condition like dementia. The video aims to provide strategies to reduce this stress.

💡Behavioral Changes

Behavioral changes refer to shifts in a person's actions or responses, which can be a common symptom of dementia as the disease progresses. The script discusses how avoiding certain mistakes can lead to fewer difficult dementia behaviors, highlighting the importance of understanding and adapting to these changes.

💡Correcting

Correcting involves pointing out errors or mistakes with the intention of bringing them to someone's attention. The video emphasizes that constantly correcting a person with dementia can strain the relationship and cause unnecessary stress. Instead, it suggests allowing minor inaccuracies to pass without comment.

💡Arguing

Arguing is a process of expressing disagreements or differences of opinion, often in a heated or confrontational manner. The script advises against arguing with a person with dementia, as it can lead to defensiveness and increased stress, which can exacerbate dementia behaviors.

💡Reasoning

Reasoning is the process of forming conclusions, judgments, or inferences from facts or premises. The video explains that reasoning with a person with dementia can be futile and frustrating, as their cognitive abilities may not allow them to understand or accept logical explanations.

💡Testing

Testing, in this context, refers to questioning a person with dementia to assess their memory or cognitive abilities. The script discourages this practice, as it can be embarrassing and lead to defensiveness, instead advocating for providing information in a natural and non-confrontational manner.

💡Redirecting

Redirecting is the act of changing the focus of attention or the course of action. The video suggests using redirection as a strategy when dealing with a person with dementia, especially when they express incorrect beliefs or statements, to avoid conflict and maintain a calm environment.

💡Care Blazer Map System

The Care Blazer Map System is a specific method or program mentioned in the video that is designed to help caregivers reduce stress. The script promotes a free class that teaches this system, indicating it as a tool for caregivers to better manage their caregiving responsibilities and stress.

💡Relationship

Relationship, in the context of the video, refers to the bond or connection between the caregiver and the person with dementia. The script highlights that the way caregivers interact with their loved ones can significantly impact this relationship, with the goal of maintaining a positive and calm connection despite the challenges of dementia.

Highlights

The video discusses common mistakes made by caregivers of dementia patients and how to avoid them for better relationships and less stress.

Dementia patients cannot change their behavior based on requests or demands due to the nature of their condition.

Caregivers must change their approach to see positive changes in their loved ones with dementia.

There's a lack of information on how to interact with dementia patients, which this video aims to address.

Learning to interact with dementia patients is like learning a new language.

The presenter offers a free life care class and a private program to reduce caregiver stress.

Avoiding common mistakes benefits both the caregiver and the dementia patient.

Correcting dementia patients every time they are wrong can strain the relationship.

It's recommended not to correct minor inaccuracies to preserve the relationship and reduce stress.

Arguing with dementia patients over incorrect statements can lead to defensiveness and stress.

Disagreeing with dementia patients without arguing helps maintain peace and a positive relationship.

Reasoning with dementia patients can be futile and lead to frustration due to their impaired cognitive abilities.

The goal is to reassure and calm dementia patients rather than trying to make them understand through reasoning.

Testing a dementia patient's memory can be harmful to their dignity and self-esteem.

Providing information directly helps maintain a good relationship and avoids unnecessary stress for the dementia patient.

A recap of the four common mistakes to avoid: arguing, correcting, reasoning, and testing.

The process of avoiding these mistakes takes time and requires learning new ways of interaction.

The presenter encourages progress over perfection and acknowledges the challenges of changing established interaction patterns.

Transcripts

welcome back care blazer in today's

video i want to talk about some of the

most

common mistakes i see care blazers make

and what you can do to avoid them by

avoiding these mistakes

you are going to be less stressed

more calm and you're going to have a

better relationship with your loved one

and when all of those things are

happening it's much less likely that

your loved one is going to have as many

difficult dementia behaviors that's one

of the hardest parts about this disease

we

can't just get our loved ones to change

because we

tell them to change or because we ask

them to change

their brains are not able to respond

that way most of the time

we have to change first we have to

change our approach

when we change our approach to our loved

ones with dementia

we start to see positive change the

challenge is there's hardly anybody

talking about this this is not

information that's usually delivered

in a short doctor's visit where all the

healthcare providers are just focusing

on the disease

so this is what i hope that this video

can provide for you

is just to go over some of the common

mistakes

i see caregivers make because the

mistakes that i'm referring to are ways

that we would regularly

interact with people in our day-to-day

lives but it's backfiring

what to us when it comes to dealing with

our loved ones with dementia

so i really do hope this video will help

you

[Music]

it's not that you're doing anything

wrong it's

that when you start to

care for somebody with dementia it's

almost like learning a new language to

be the most

effective we have to learn how to

interact

with that person in a way that's so

different

than the way we've been interacting with

people our entire lives

before i share these four mistakes with

you i want to let you know

that today and tomorrow are the very

last days

of my free life care class on how you

can reduce

your caregiver stress using my care

blazer map system

so if you're watching this on the day at

release sunday august 9th

or even the next day sunday august 10th

look below this video there's a link you

can sign up to attend my free class it's

live i'll be answering your questions

and i'll be sharing specific ways

you can use my care blazer map to reduce

your caregiver stress

also if you're watching this before

august 17th

it's not too late for you to join my

private program where i work with you

personally

on helping make sure we can reduce your

caregiver stress and we go over weekly

live question and answer sessions

it's a really great program uh you can

check it out at the link below this

video

i want you to know that by avoiding

these four

mistakes which i'm just about to share

it's

not just your loved one that benefits

from this

you get to benefit from this you benefit

by

from avoiding these four mistakes

because it allows you

to avoid unnecessary or excess

stress and upset the brain likes to

think that

when we start to make some of these

changes it's all for our loved one with

dementia it's all

to somehow make their life easier at an

expense to us but that's not the case

reducing how often you do these four

behaviors is going to benefit your loved

one with dementia but it's also going to

benefit you

sometimes care blazers will talk to me

and they'll say things like well this

means my loved one wins or this means

that

it's just letting them get away with

things those are not helpful ways to

think about this

and as i go through the four common

mistakes you'll start to see why

so the first common mistake i see happen

a lot is

correcting you do not have to correct

your loved one every time they say

or do something wrong this is one of the

quickest ways to add

a necessary strain on your relationship

with your loved one and the more that

strain that's added on that relationship

the more difficult it's going to be in

the future for you to be able to provide

care that you want not to mention how

much energy

it would take from you to continue to

correct

all the things that they do wrong or all

the things that they say

that's incorrect let's say your loved

one's talking to somebody and your loved

one tells them that

they went out to lunch earlier that day

with you

and you didn't go out to lunch with your

loved one maybe you went out to lunch

with your loved one last week

or yesterday or maybe you haven't even

gone out to lunch with them in a long

time

these are situations where it might be

easy or just a reflex for the care

blazer to say oh we didn't go out to

lunch today or that was last week that

wasn't today

but that is those little things start to

wear away at the relationship

it is okay to just let that comment past

we don't have to correct every single

incorrect thing that they say

and if it is something by chance that is

super important that you want to make

sure

that's actually maybe harmful or has

some really negative consequences

if that inc incorrect information stayed

out there

that's just the situation where you pull

the other person to the side at some

point or you wait till your loved ones

engage in activity

or is no longer around or is no longer

listening and you tell that person

hey you know what we actually didn't go

out to lunch today we actually went out

to lunch

last week right so or you know if

they're talking to a doctor and they're

saying everything's fine nothing's going

on

you find your way when your loved one is

not

listening or you find your way to slip

the note to the doctor or you find a way

to do it in a respectful way where

you're not

constantly correcting actually you're

not doing fine actually you're having a

lot of trouble

again the correction is going to wear

away at your relationship

which is just going to make it more

likely that they're going to have

difficult behaviors or more resistance

towards you

more suspicion of you and so we want to

just

avoid it at all costs if you can same

thing with

if your loved one does something

incorrectly for instance they're

putting together a puzzle and the pieces

aren't put together the correct way but

they don't notice it and they continue

to go about putting

together the puzzle there's no harm in

that let them continue to put together

the puzzle

in the way that they're putting it

together if you're playing a game and

they've got some other rules going on

it's okay to just go with the flow it

saves you energy it saves the

relationship

the general rule of thumb here is that

if there is no

imminent safety risk don't correct it

just let it go

it is not worth the risk to your

relationship it's not worth the added

strain

it's not worth all the energy it takes

if there is no danger or risk

let it go care blazer alright so the

second common mistake i often see

is arguing so if you're caring for

somebody with dementia

chances are they're going to come up

with

beliefs and statements that are totally

not true

and their brain is trying to make sense

of things they can't remember

or make sense of things they just can't

make sense of anymore when you disagree

with your loved one it increases the

chances

of them becoming defensive upset

suspicious of you again leading to more

difficult dementia behaviors which again

is just going to add to your stress

level

that's the opposite of what you want to

happen it's important to know that just

because you don't

disagree with them you don't voice your

disagreement

it doesn't mean that you agree with them

it just means that you're valuing the

peace

and the calm and the less stress and the

relationship

more than you're valuing whether or not

what they're saying

is especially correct so rather than

engaging in an argument about something

that's untrue

you'll want to try to follow these three

steps acknowledge what they said

respond in a calm short way and redirect

them to something else

so here's an example let's say your

loved one accuses you of stealing their

money

it would be really easy for you to

respond with something like i'm not

stealing your money

how many times do i have to tell you

that remember we talked about where all

your money

is going this type of approach not only

one disagrees with what your loved one

is saying

it reminds them that you've had this

discussion before

something they probably don't remember

and it also asks them to remember a

time when you reviewed the money

something again they probably don't

remember

while this approach makes complete

logical sense

for somebody who has um intact memory

for somebody whose

memory is solid and their judgment is

solid and their reasoning is

solid this approach doesn't work for

somebody with dementia it tends to lead

to more stress

and frustration so instead what you can

do in this kind of situation

where your loved one is accusing you of

stealing their money you can try

one acknowledging what they said

something like you're worried i'm taking

your money

two responding in a short calm way i'm

going to make sure all your money is

safe so you have all you need and then

three

redirecting them to something else and

then you can redirect their attention

and kind of a natural transition so you

can say something like

i remember i bought this coloring book

last week so that we would have

something to do together

let's give let's try coloring right now

or you could say something like

i remember when we bought this coffee

mug

i really liked the the colors on it

let's have a cup of coffee together

or you know what speaking of money i

went to the grocery store yesterday and

i bought some fruit

let's have some fruit so you're just

acknowledging what they say

you come up with a short concise way to

respond and then you try to look for

your opportunity for redirection

the exact way you respond the exact

statement you say

that'll change depending you know from

situation to situation

and at first it can be a little bit

difficult trying to figure out what do i

say now because we want to get sucked

into

just providing very rational correction

letting them know

that's actually not i'm actually not

stealing your money this is what i'm

doing with it we get so

pulled into wanting to communicate with

them of course the way we've been

communicating with everybody our whole

lives it's kind of hard to break that

pattern

but the more you experiment the more you

try the more you come up with different

ways to respond

the easier and more natural it will get

for you another mistake

uh mistake number three i see a lot is

reasoning

a lot of care blazers want to try to

reason with their loved one with

dementia

when we attempt to reason with somebody

with dementia it can lead to extreme

frustration on your part

and of course it makes it more likely

that your loved one is going to show

some difficult behaviors

many times the brain with dementia is

just simply not able to reason

and when you're trying to reason with

somebody with dementia it's as if you

believe

if you talked about something in a

certain way

if you tried to explain it in a

different way if you tried to repeat

yourself multiple

times you it's like you believe somehow

it's going to sink in and that your

loved one's going to get it

but many times that never happens and

it's just this constant

going head to head where both of you end

up frustrated i sometimes

kind of compare this to trying to get

somebody who's blind to see

it doesn't matter how much you describe

what you're seeing it doesn't

matter how detailed you are it doesn't

matter

if you're the most wonderful if you use

your words in the most wonderful

way the blind person is still not going

to be able to see

whatever it is no matter what you can

just say open your eyes wider

you know you should be able to see just

like i can see

it doesn't make logical sense the same

is true for somebody with dementia we're

trying to get them

to understand something to be able to

have the reasoning ability

that they no longer have no matter how

many times you try to do get them to

have the reasoning ability and no matter

how many different ways

you try to make them understand so if we

just use one of the examples i used

earlier about your loved one accusing

you of stealing their money

trying to reason with them would sound

something like i need access to your

bank account to pay the bills

here are your bills see here's what i

paid it costs money to live here

pay for the phone the electricity the

internet and food

i have to take money out to pay for

these things

or any variety of these statements now

you can

always use an attempt a simple rational

response first

like you can simply just try and say i

use the money to pay the bills

and if they accept that and they don't

push back

great you're golden you can move on but

if they continue to press or they

continue to question

or your loved one pushes back in any way

that's a sign that their brain is not

fully able to comprehend and understand

the situation

so continuing to go down the path of

reasoning is not going to work

the goal when it when you find yourself

trying to reason

with your loved one with dementia the

goal that you should have is

actually how can you help your loved one

feel

calm and reassured about whatever it is

that they're questioning

right that's the goal calm reassurance

so remember whenever you're trying to

come up with responses

that calm or reassure your loved one you

have to come up with sentences that make

sense in their world

not necessarily in your world they're

unable to grasp

the situation as you and i can grasp the

situation

that means you're not going to be able

to explain the situation to them in the

same way

that you would explain the situation to

me we have to come up with different

ways to engage and those ways that we

engage with them

might not make a lot of sense in our

world but that's okay

all we need to focus on is what would

make sense in their brain right now

what would make sense in their world

right now what could i say to calm and

reassure them

even though that response would not work

if you were talking to somebody else

without dementia

this leads me to the fourth and final

common mistake i often see

and that is testing a lot of times

care blazers want to test their loved

one's memory

what this look looks like are asking

questions like

do you remember who this is do you

remember what we talked about yesterday

what did you have for breakfast today do

you know what today's date

is they seem like simple innocent

questions

but for somebody with dementia who's

having problems with their memory

it can be embarrassing it can lead them

to feel defensive

it could lead them to not want to engage

and interact with you as much

because it tends to call out answers

they don't know

or if somebody with dementia is

completely unaware

of their deficits and how much

impairment they have

some people with dementia can just make

up something that's not true at all

and in those cases then you're likely to

fall into the common mistake of

correcting them

well no actually it's saturday it's not

tuesday

right so for the most part we don't want

to

test our loved ones memory we want to

just offer them the information

so it can help put them at ease and help

build their confidence

and help maintain a good relationship

between you and your loved one

so i would encourage you to just skip

the testing piece and give them the

information right away

so for example if your son is going to

come visit

you and your husband who has dementia

and your son comes over

you can easily say look honey it's jim

our son

he hasn't been here in a while so nice

that he visited

in that nice simple natural way you

didn't ask him do you remember who this

is

you didn't leave it to the sun to say do

you remember who i am you just

immediately took care of any uncertainty

or anxiety

that your loved one may experience by

trying to figure out who is this person

am i supposed to know this person i feel

really bad

right so you just you just take care of

it for them

if you want them to know what day it is

you can just simply say

ah today's monday august 31st i can't

believe the summer's almost over

right you just you just give them the

information a lot of care blazers want

to test their loved one's memory because

they want to see where they're at and

how they're doing

i promise and i'm sure you can attest to

this there's

no shortage of opportunities you're

going to come across that's going to

reveal to you

how your loved one's doing cognitively

we don't need to

add extra challenges and extra tests to

be able to figure that out

just them going through their days

you're going to start to see some of

that happen

so just find simple and natural ways to

give your loved one information that

they may not know

and that you want them to have this not

only helps your relationship but it

helps keep their dignity

all right care blazer so a quick recap

on the four common mistakes

we want to try to avoid arguing

correcting

reasoning and testing care blazer

the practice of avoiding these mistakes

takes time it especially takes time

because these are common things we would

do

probably without much thought to the

majority of people we

interact with and it doesn't have

many times it doesn't have the negative

detriment effects that it would have

with your loved one with dementia

so you truly are learning an entire new

way

to interact and it takes some time so be

kind to yourself

we are not looking for perfection that

is not attainable

we're just looking for some progress if

you could just reduce

one of these mistakes that you're making

just reduce how often it happens

you're gonna start to see some benefits

for yourself

for your loved one for your relationship

with your loved one

and it's going to get easier and easier

and more natural

for you to reduce them either even

further care blazer i really do hope

this video has been helpful to you feel

free to leave a comment below if you

have another common mistake

you'd like to add to this list and i

sure do hope to see some of you

later today in just a few hours or even

tomorrow for my last

free live care class where i'll be

sharing how you can reduce your

caregiver stress

using my care blazer map system and for

some of you i look forward to really

getting to know you and helping you in

my private program

all right care blazer i'll be back with

another video next sunday

[Music]

bye