Who am I to be ashamed of aging? | A Video Essay by Alythia

Summary

This video script addresses the societal pressures and internal struggles surrounding aging, particularly for women. The speaker, despite being young, reflects on the unrealistic beauty standards perpetuated by social media and the constant comparison it breeds. She shares personal experiences of feeling 'too young' or 'too old' and the journey to self-acceptance. The script advocates for rejecting toxic beauty messages, embracing the natural aging process, and celebrating the unique experiences that shape our individuality.

Takeaways

• 🤔 The speaker reflects on societal pressures around aging, particularly for women, and questions why they should feel ashamed of it.
• 👧 The speaker acknowledges being young but still feeling the impact of societal expectations about beauty and aging through interactions with others.
• 📈 The speaker discusses the unrealistic beauty standards perpetuated by social media influencers and peers, which can lead to self-consciousness about one's appearance.
• 🤨 The speaker challenges the idea of feeling ashamed for natural signs of aging, like wrinkles, and instead sees them as a symbol of happiness and life experiences.
• 🧐 The speaker shares a personal realization that her initial reaction to a wrinkle was to consider cosmetic procedures, highlighting the internalized societal messages about youthfulness.
• 💆‍♀️ The speaker encourages a skincare routine but criticizes the extent to which social media promotes unhealthy, classist, and ageist beauty practices.
• 👗 The speaker talks about the struggle of navigating fashion and self-presentation, feeling judged for looking either too young or too old.
• 📱 The speaker recognizes the negative impact of social media on body image and self-worth, suggesting that it often leads to a constant comparison with others.
• 🚫 The speaker advises avoiding toxic social media content and focusing on self-care that includes rejecting harmful societal messages about beauty.
• 💪 The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance and self-love, regardless of where one is in life's journey or how they compare to others.
• 🎨 The speaker concludes by celebrating the beauty of aging as a canvas that becomes more beautiful with each passing day, encouraging viewers to embrace the aging process.

Q & A

Why does the speaker feel the topic of aging has become prominent in their mind despite being young?

The speaker feels the topic of aging has become prominent due to interactions with girlfriends, relatives, and self-reflection, as well as the influence of social media influencers and societal beauty standards.

What is the speaker's initial reaction to discovering a tiny wrinkle on their forehead?

The speaker's initial reaction is to feel ashamed and think about Botox, even though they are too young for it, reflecting the societal pressure to look young.

How does the speaker reinterpret the meaning of the wrinkle they discovered?

The speaker reinterprets the wrinkle as a sign of happiness and a reminder of the joy they have experienced, turning a perceived flaw into a symbol of positivity.

What are some of the negative effects the speaker identifies with the promotion of elaborate and expensive skincare routines by social media influencers?

The negative effects include psychological impacts leading to constant worry about appearance, the promotion of products with ingredients unsuitable for certain ages, classism due to unaffordability for many, and ageism by tying self-worth to youthful looks.

How does the speaker describe the struggle of being perceived as 'too young' or 'too old'?

The speaker describes it as a constant struggle with societal expectations and judgments, leading to a confusing and negative self-image, especially during their school years.

What is the speaker's view on the impact of social media on body image and self-worth?

The speaker views social media as toxic, often causing body image dissatisfaction due to the superficial, airbrushed, and inaccurate portrayals of people, which leads to unhealthy comparisons.

What personal change did the speaker make regarding their social media use, and why?

The speaker stopped using Instagram actively for anything other than messaging colleagues, as it was causing them misery and negatively affecting their self-image.

How does the speaker encourage viewers to view aging and self-worth?

The speaker encourages viewers to see aging as a journey of growth, experience, and wisdom, and to define beauty on their own terms, accepting and loving themselves for who they are.

What is the speaker's advice on dealing with the negative impacts of social media?

The speaker advises recognizing toxic messages, rejecting them, and focusing on self-care that includes a healthy relationship with social media.

How does the speaker reflect on their past behavior and mindset regarding competition and self-worth?

The speaker reflects on their past behavior as being influenced by a competitive and harmful mindset, where they felt the need to be better and win, which they now recognize as a mistake.

What is the speaker's final message to the viewers about self-acceptance and aging?

The speaker's final message is an encouragement for viewers to accept and love themselves, including their flaws and imperfections, and to embrace the beauty of aging as a natural process of life.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Embracing Aging: A Personal Inquiry

The speaker begins by questioning societal pressures on women to feel ashamed of aging, despite being young. She discusses the influence of social media and societal beauty standards that create self-consciousness about aging. The speaker shares her personal realization that a wrinkle she found on her forehead was a sign of happiness and joy, not something to be ashamed of. She criticizes the promotion of excessive and often unaffordable skincare routines by influencers, which can be unhealthy, classist, and ageist, perpetuating the idea that self-worth is tied to youthful appearances. The paragraph concludes with a reflection on the unrealistic and harmful beauty standards that pit women against each other.

05:01

👗 Navigating the 'Too Young' or 'Too Old' Dilemma

In this paragraph, the speaker recounts her experiences with being judged for her appearance, both as a child and in high school, where she was criticized for dressing either too childishly or too maturely. She describes the struggle to find a balance in her fashion sense between not wanting to be mistaken for a child and not wanting to appear older than she is. The speaker reflects on the constant judgment and negative feedback she received, which affected her self-image and continues to influence her choices in how she presents herself to the world.

10:02

🚫 The Toxicity of Social Media and Self-Acceptance

The final paragraph addresses the toxic effects of social media on self-image, with the speaker sharing her personal journey of disconnecting from platforms like Instagram due to the negative impact on her mental health. She acknowledges the difficulty of breaking free from social media's influence but emphasizes the importance of self-care in recognizing and rejecting toxic messages. The speaker encourages viewers to define beauty on their own terms and to view aging as a journey of growth and wisdom. She concludes by celebrating the unique beauty of individuality and the evolution of one's self, inviting viewers to share their own struggles and experiences with self-acceptance and aging.

Keywords

💡Aging

Aging refers to the natural process of growing older, which is a central theme in the video. The speaker explores the societal pressures and personal feelings associated with aging, especially for women. The video discusses the internal and external dialogues around looking younger or older than one's age, and the societal message that equates youth with beauty and worth. For example, the speaker mentions discovering a wrinkle and initially feeling a sense of shame, reflecting the video's theme of challenging societal norms around aging.

💡Self-consciousness

Self-consciousness is the state of being aware of oneself and how one is perceived by others. In the video, the speaker discusses how women often become self-conscious about their appearance as they age, influenced by social media and societal beauty standards. The term is exemplified when the speaker talks about the common questions women ask themselves regarding their age-related appearance, such as 'Do I look my age?'

💡Beauty standards

Beauty standards are the cultural norms and ideals that define what is considered attractive. The video criticizes the unrealistic beauty standards perpetuated by social media influencers and the pressure they place on individuals, particularly women, to look young. The speaker contrasts these standards with a more personal and philosophical view of beauty, suggesting that true beauty comes from self-acceptance and the natural aging process.

💡Social media influencers

Social media influencers are individuals who have a significant following on social media platforms and often promote products or lifestyles. The video script mentions these influencers as perpetuators of unattainable beauty standards, which can lead to negative self-image and self-consciousness. The speaker uses the term to highlight the impact of these figures on viewers' perceptions of aging and beauty.

💡Gen Z

Gen Z refers to the generation born between the mid-1990s and the early 2010s, known for their digital natives and significant use of social media. In the video, the speaker identifies as part of Gen Z and discusses how this generation is uniquely affected by societal comparisons and aging perceptions. The term is used to contextualize the speaker's personal experiences and the generational dialogue around aging and self-image.

💡Imperfection

Imperfection, in the context of the video, refers to the natural characteristics or signs of aging that deviate from societal beauty standards. The speaker reflects on the realization that a wrinkle, considered an imperfection by conventional beauty standards, is actually a symbol of happiness and life experience. The term is used to challenge the viewer to reconsider what is meant by 'perfect' and to embrace the beauty in natural aging.

💡Self-worth

Self-worth is the value or esteem that a person places on themselves. The video discusses the societal tendency to tie self-worth to physical appearance, particularly youth and the absence of signs of aging. The speaker argues against this notion, advocating for a self-worth that is independent of external validation and instead rooted in personal growth and self-acceptance.

💡Toxic

In the video, 'toxic' is used to describe the harmful effects of certain social media platforms and the content they promote, particularly on body image and self-esteem. The speaker suggests that the superficial and often unrealistic portrayals of beauty can be toxic to one's mental health and self-perception, leading to a negative self-image and a constant comparison with others.

💡Body Image Dissatisfaction (BID)

Body Image Dissatisfaction refers to the negative feelings and dissatisfaction individuals may have with their physical appearance. The video script mentions correlational studies linking BID with the use of social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram. The term is used to highlight the psychological impact of social media on individuals' perceptions of their bodies and the pressure to conform to certain beauty standards.

💡Self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is the act of embracing and being comfortable with oneself, including one's flaws and imperfections. The video encourages self-acceptance as a means of overcoming societal pressures and negative self-image associated with aging. The speaker shares their journey towards self-acceptance and the importance of recognizing and rejecting toxic messages that undermine it.

💡Social comparison

Social comparison is the process of evaluating oneself in relation to others. In the video, the speaker discusses the detrimental effects of social comparison, particularly on social media, where individuals are constantly exposed to curated images and lifestyles. The term is used to illustrate the competitive mindset that can arise from such comparisons and the need to redefine self-worth independently of others' perceptions.

Highlights

Aging is a topic that affects many women, even in their 20s, due to societal pressures and self-consciousness.

Social media influencers and societal beauty standards contribute to the pressure women feel about aging and their appearance.

The speaker questions societal norms that shame women for aging and challenges the idea of being ashamed of natural aging processes.

The video is inspired by Salem and discusses the concept of natural aging among Gen Z.

The speaker reflects on the negative psychological impact of generational comparisons and societal expectations on looks and accomplishments.

The initial reaction to signs of aging, such as a wrinkle, can be a desire to hide or fix them, but the speaker questions why this should be the first response.

The realization that signs of aging can represent happiness and life experiences, rather than something to be ashamed of.

A critique of the unhealthy, classist, and ageist nature of social media beauty standards and the pressure they place on individuals.

The speaker discusses the struggle of navigating between looking too young or too old and the societal judgment that comes with it.

The toxic nature of social media and its correlation with body image dissatisfaction is highlighted, urging viewers to be mindful of the content they consume.

The speaker shares personal experiences with social media and its negative impact on self-esteem and body image.

The importance of breaking free from social media's grip for self-care and mental health is emphasized.

The speaker encourages viewers to define beauty on their own terms and reject toxic societal messages about aging.

Aging is portrayed as a journey of growth, experience, and wisdom, rather than something negative.

The speaker invites viewers to share their own struggles with aging and societal beauty standards, fostering a sense of community and understanding.

The video concludes with a call to embrace one's unique self and the beauty of personal growth and aging.

Transcripts

Who am I to be ashamed of aging? This is an odd  question, especially when I'm still so young  

and in my 20s, but, through interacting with my  girlfriends, my relatives and even looking within  

myself, the topic of aging is something that  has crept up in most of our minds. From social  

media influencers with unattainable beauty  standards to peers who are average people,  

yet we feel they're so much better than us, it's  no secret that many women are self-conscious at  

some point in their lives. Do I look my age?  Do I look younger? Do I look older? By how  

much? But, who am I to be ashamed of aging?  For the few people who support my videos,  

if you clicked on this one - thank you!  It is not something that I will do often,  

if again at all. I just felt inspired and decided  to go for it. If you end up liking this, that's  

great! But if this is not content you enjoy, don't  worry! My channel channel is not going to suddenly  

become a vlog or a video essay channel. This video  was inspired by Salem and I suggest you go watch  

her video. Part 1. Natural aging. My Generation -  Gen Z - is supposedly "aging like milk" according  

to some articles. We've been compared to  Millennials and Gen X in terms of looks,  

accomplishments, and everything in-between.  This is normal - every generation is compared  

to the ones before and after it. But this being  normal does not take away from the effect that  

it has. I will not be going into the Psychology of  this, despite having researched this exact topic,  

because I want this to be more philosophical  and personal than scientific. It goes without  

saying - being discussed in a negative light is  bound to affect us no matter how much we try to  

deny it, and that's okay. After all, it's being  said the way it is to provoke a reaction out of  

us. To provoke shame. And for what? For having  slightly loose skin somewhere on our body at  

20? For having a wrinkle at 25? For having a  perfectly normal "imperfection that makes us  

look old" at 30?? I recently discovered a teeny  tiny wrinkle on my forehead and my first thought  

was "I'm too young to get Botox". Then a second  passed and I did a mental double take. I mean,  

what?? Why is that my first thought? That I'm  too young for Botox? It's true, in my opinion,  

Botox is something that I might do one day, but  that would be in the distant future, not in my  

20s. But how sad is it that my initial reaction  was to be ashamed of it? Then some days passed and  

I inspected it further. Why is that wrinkle there?  After a few minutes of awkward expressions in the  

mirror, I figured it out. My forehead was wrinkled  in this exact way when I smiled or laughed,  

and it got me thinking: I have a wrinkle from  being happy! How lucky am I? In a world where many  

people don't make it to 20 I get to have a wrinkle  that is a visualization of the happiness I have  

experienced in the last years! After everything  I have gone through so far, my joy, in contrast,  

has been so overwhelming to the point I now have  it as a small faint reminder that it gets better.  

It is one thing to have a skincare routine, and  that's something I encourage every person - man,  

woman or non-binary - to look into, but the extent  to which these social media influencers take it is  

unhealthy, classist and ageist. Unhealthy, not  just because of the psychological effects it can  

have on people to constantly worry about how you  look or what your skin is like, but also because  

of the amount of product you're putting on your  face. Some ingredients are not meant to be used by  

women under a certain age, yet they're promoted to  teens. Classist, because most people cannot afford  

a 35-step $500 skincare routine with products from  the most expensive brands, which causes people  

to feel unworthy, ugly, or "doomed to look old"  (!!!) which is something I had a friend of mine  

mention when we were discussing this. Ageist  because it continues the cycle of tying your  

selfworth to looking as young as possible, or else  you risk "losing your value". It is a never-ending  

competition that we are destined to lose. And it  results in people projecting their insecurities  

and tearing down other women for how how they look  or present themselves, whether that be looking  

"too young" or "too old", but never looking just  right. Because that's impossible according to  

these beauty standards. Which leads me to Part  2. You either look "too young" or "too old", but  

never how you're supposed to. This was brought up  in Salem's video and I audibly gasped when I heard  

it, and it just clicked. Gen Z has been shamed for  looking both too young and too old. I have vivid  

memories of being in elementary school back when  Facebook and Instagram were gaining popularity,  

and smartphones were the newest thing. Suddenly  the clothes I wore, bought from stores like H&M,  

were too childish, despite me at the time  being the target demographic for these clothes!  

Eventually I was an 11-year-old child, shamed for  wearing bright and colorful clothes because that's  

not what the Musicaly kids were wearing, and I  didn't fit in. Fitting in as a child at that age  

is a challenge for many, and I'm sure some of you  can relate to this. So, the last thing I wanted,  

naturally, was to be excluded. I started dressing  up in darker colors, I stopped liking pink since  

that was "too girly and childish", and I started  leaving behind my colorful backpacks, my hair  

accessories, and my bracelets. Then suddenly in  high school I was told I looked a lot older than  

I was, which brought a lot of issues on its own.  But just 2 years ago go at that point I was "too  

childish" and now I was trying too hard to "appear  like a grownup". There was no winning there,  

and I was judged for having a developed body more  so than some girls in my class. This attempt at  

balancing the childish bright colors that I love  and the aesthetic of darker clothing affects me  

to this day. I'm stuck between not wanting to be  mistaken for a child in public, so wearing more  

makeup and more formal clothes, but simultaneously  not wanting to be mistaken for a 30-year-old  

woman, which I am not, so experimenting with less  makeup, pink bows, ribbons in my hair, and pretty  

skirts. My fashion sense is all over the place  and although right now I'm a lot more comfortable  

with who I am and how I present myself, it was  definitely a struggle trying to navigate this  

world that seemingly always had something to say  about me, and it was almost exclusively negative.  

Part 3. Social media is toxic and you should avoid  it. I know this video is posted on a social media  

app, but this is not the kind of app I mean. It's  more about the content we consume. I promised I  

would not get sciencey but during my course papers  research I came across a lot of correlational  

studies that link body image issues (Body Image  Dissatisfaction - BID) with the use of Facebook  

and Instagram primarily. While they can help  connect us with friends, they're also superficial,  

airbrushed, and inaccurate. I won't repeat the  same things that have been said thousands of times  

before - that we present only the parts that we  want other people to see and such - but it's true.  

Additionally, we're taking more pictures than  ever and we have a lot more points of reference  

to compare ourselves to. Not just our friends'  pictures and how they looked at 20 versus 25, but  

even our own from just a few months ago. A picture  is worth a thousand words and a picture from 2  

years ago depicting you in a different, younger  state is worth a million to a self-conscious  

person. I used to be active on on Instagram some  years ago and those were the most miserable years  

of my life. I was bombarded with beautiful  women (which should have been a hint at other  

things) and I dreaded looking in the mirror and  seeing everything I was not. They were gorgeous  

and looked perfect. From their hair, to their  clothing, to their skin. I knew even then that it  

was not fully accurate in most cases, and yet my  brain could not stop judging my own body. I tried  

doing my eyeliner like them, not understanding  that their eyes had a different shape. I tried  

doing my blush like them, not understanding that  my cheeks are different. I tried doing my lips  

like them, not understanding that my lip shape was  not meant for that kind of makeup. I tried looking  

like them, not understanding that I am meant  to look like myself, and that broke me. I am no  

longer on social media unless I have to be. I use  Instagram just for messaging my my colleagues.  

It was a difficult thing breaking free from  Instagram's grip, but I had to do it for myself,  

and it doesn't make you weak, or pathetic, or  sad to be affected negatively by the countless  

images of perfect people. It's normal. It's in  our nature to want to compare ourselves and see  

how we "rank" in that competition. And that's  the key word - "competition". We're programmed  

to see things this way and we don't have to.  Someone winning doesn't mean you're losing. My  

past self is very guilty of this. My past self  thought that I had to be better, I had to win,  

I had to one up my "opponent", and always have  the last word. Granted. I was a young teenager,  

but it doesn't take away from the shame I feel  when I look back and I see how I treated other  

people, and mostly women. I was brainwashed to  believe that my worth is determined by how others  

perceive me and that's one of the biggest mistakes  you can make. I'm glad to be out of that mindset.  

I'm glad to be comfortable in my skin, and you  should be too. It's okay if you're so close to  

the finish line, already passed it, or are just  now starting the race. What matters is that you're  

able to look at yourself, flaws and imperfections,  and accept who you are, and love yourself for it.  

There is nobody else in the world who thinks  like you, or has your memories and experiences,  

and that's an opportunity to use everything you've  learned to help others on their path and yourself.  

I strayed a little bit from the topic there  but I think it was important to say. As for  

social media and its effects, part of self-care  in this day and age is recognizing the toxic  

messages we receive and choosing to reject them.  It's about defining beauty on our own terms and  

understanding that aging is not just a biological  process, but a journey of growth, experience,  

and wisdom. It's about looking in the mirror  and seeing not just a face, but a life lived,  

lessons learned, and a person who is constantly  evolving. And that's the beauty of it. We are a  

canvas that gets more and more beautiful with  each day, and who are we to be ashamed of  

aging? Who am I to be ashamed of aging? If you made it this far in the video,  

I really cannot thank you enough. This was  a little project I set up for myself after  

discussing the problem with a lot of people, and  most of us kind of aligned in our thinking that,  

more or less, we're brainwashed to fight each  other and to compare each other in a way that  

is completely unnecessary, and yet rules over  our world so much. Like I mentioned before,  

I don't plan on this becoming a regular thing.  I don't know if I'll even do it ever again,  

I just kind of had the urge and I felt I felt like  I was in a writing mood so I kind of went there!  

What do you think about this? Do you have your own  struggles that are similar to mine? Did you deal  

with them? Are you in the process of dealing  with them? How is that going for you? I want  

to know so please let me know in the comments, and  yeah! I'll see you in my next video! Bye, guys! <3