If He's Sending Mixed Signals, Text Him THIS

Summary

This video script addresses the perplexing situation where a person feels intensely connected and showered with attention when physically with someone, yet experiences neglect and lack of communication when apart. The speaker outlines common mistakes people make in response to such behavior, emphasizing the difference between receiving attention and genuine romantic intention. They provide two specific text messages to help viewers navigate and potentially improve these relationships, advocating for clear communication and setting standards to avoid being stuck in a cycle of inconsistent connection.

Takeaways

• 🔥 The difference between attention and intention: Attention is temporary and based on convenience, while intention involves a long-term vision for a romantic relationship.
• 🚫 Recognizing red flags: Going 'hot and cold' indicates a lack of interest in making romantic progress and is a sign of prioritizing other aspects of life over the relationship.
• 🤔 Avoid mirroring behavior: Mimicking the inconsistent behavior of a partner can reinforce a cycle of inattention and may attract the wrong type of person.
• 💬 Importance of direct communication: Communicating feelings and expectations can help educate a partner on why their behavior is problematic and what is desired.
• 📉 Risk of playing 'cool': Trying to appear uninterested or 'cool' can attract the wrong partners and deter those who are genuinely interested in a deep relationship.
• 📝 Crafting the right message: When responding to a partner who has been distant, use a matter-of-fact tone that expresses surprise and a lack of closeness due to their behavior.
• 🤝 Emphasizing empathy: Acknowledge the partner's busy life while also expressing the importance of consistency and connection in a relationship.
• 💡 Valuing consistency: Explicitly state the value of consistent communication and connection, which is often lacking in a hot and cold dynamic.
• 💪 Being prepared for the outcome: Before sending a message that sets boundaries, ensure you are ready to accept any outcome, including the loss of the relationship.
• 🛑 Deciding your role: Determine whether you want to be a casual part of someone's life or the person who sets standards that are worth living up to.

Q & A

What is the main issue discussed in the video script?

The main issue discussed is the emotional inconsistency someone might experience in a relationship, where they feel a strong connection when together but are neglected when apart, leading to a 'hot and cold' dynamic.

What is the difference between 'attention' and 'intention' as mentioned in the script?

Attention refers to someone giving focus or interest in the moment, seeking a romantic experience without necessarily planning for the future. Intention, on the other hand, involves a deeper commitment and a vision for building a romantic relationship with progress and continuity.

Why is the 'hot and cold' behavior considered a red flag in relationships?

It's a red flag because it indicates that the person is interested in the romantic experience but not in making progress in the relationship, suggesting they may prioritize other aspects of their life over the romantic connection.

What is the second mistake people often make in response to the 'hot and cold' behavior?

The second mistake is mirroring the person's behavior by also going cold, which can either play into the hands of someone who enjoys the game of attraction and withdrawal or attract the wrong type of person who is energized by such a dynamic.

What is the recommended approach to dealing with someone who exhibits 'hot and cold' behavior?

The recommended approach is to withdraw attention but with direct communication about the dissatisfaction with their behavior, using the opportunity to educate them on why the withdrawal is happening.

Why is it important to communicate feelings in such a situation instead of playing 'cool'?

Communicating feelings is important because it reveals vulnerability, integrity, and character, which can attract the right kind of person who is looking for a genuine and deep relationship. Playing 'cool' can attract the wrong individuals and make the person invisible to those who desire a meaningful connection.

What should be the response if someone who has been distant suddenly expresses a desire to see you?

The response should express surprise and a sense of distance, acknowledging the lack of recent closeness and suggesting an assumption that both parties are not on the same page regarding the relationship.

How should one respond if the distant person provides excuses for their behavior?

One should acknowledge the excuses with empathy but also communicate their own values, such as consistency, and express the feeling of disconnect when apart, without pointing fingers or blaming.

What is the purpose of the text messages provided in the script?

The purpose of the text messages is to serve as a tool for clear communication, expressing feelings and expectations, and to potentially educate the other person on the need for consistency and commitment in the relationship.

What is the 'Momentum Texts' program mentioned at the end of the script?

The 'Momentum Texts' program is a resource designed to help individuals move their dating situations forward, providing strategies to avoid getting stuck in casual phases of dating or endless texting without progress.

Outlines

00:00

🔥 Hot and Cold Relationship Patterns

The first paragraph discusses the confusing experience of being in a relationship where one feels intensely connected and desired when together, but neglected and ignored when apart. The speaker identifies this as a 'crazy making scenario' and points out the difference between receiving attention and having genuine intentions for a romantic relationship. They highlight the red flag of inconsistent behavior and suggest that it indicates a lack of interest in progressing the romantic relationship. The paragraph ends with a call to action for viewers to like, subscribe, and enable notifications for more insights.

05:01

🚫 Avoiding Common Mistakes in On-Again, Off-Again Relationships

In the second paragraph, the speaker addresses common mistakes people make when dealing with someone who exhibits hot and cold behavior. They caution against mirroring the inconsistent behavior and explain the dangers of doing so, such as attracting the wrong type of partner or perpetuating a cycle of unproductive romantic engagement. The speaker emphasizes the importance of clear communication and setting boundaries, rather than playing into the other person's inconsistent attention-seeking behavior.

10:03

📲 Crafting Effective Communication to Address Inconsistency

The third paragraph provides a strategy for communicating dissatisfaction with the inconsistency in a relationship. The speaker suggests a method of responding to someone who has been distant but then reaches out, which involves expressing surprise at their interest and stating a lack of feeling close due to the lack of communication. The paragraph outlines a script for a text message that conveys empathy while also setting clear expectations for consistency and connection. The speaker stresses the importance of being prepared for the possibility of losing the person if they do not meet the stated standards.

Keywords

💡Attention

Attention in this context refers to the focus or interest someone gives to another person, often in a romantic setting. It is transient and can be given without any commitment or intention of a deeper relationship. In the video, the speaker discusses how people can mistake attention for intention, leading to confusion and disappointment. For example, someone might shower another with attention when they are together, creating a sense of connection, but fail to maintain that interest when they are apart.

💡Intention

Intention, in the context of the video, is the plan or desire to create and build something meaningful, such as a romantic relationship. It is more profound than mere attention and involves a commitment to progress and development. The speaker highlights the difference between attention and intention, using the example of someone who might be very attentive when together but lacks the intention to make progress in the relationship when apart.

💡Red Flag

A red flag, in the video, is a warning sign indicating a potential problem or issue. Specifically, it refers to the behavior of someone who is hot and cold in a relationship, showing interest at times but then disappearing, indicating a lack of commitment. The speaker uses the phrase 'massive red flag' to emphasize the importance of recognizing such behavior as a sign that the person is not interested in making romantic progress.

💡Mirroring Behavior

Mirroring behavior is when an individual imitates the actions or attitudes of another, often as a response to their behavior. In the video, the concept is discussed in relation to dating, where someone might mirror the cold behavior of their partner in an attempt to reciprocate or provoke a reaction. The speaker warns against this, as it can play into the hands of someone who is not genuinely interested in a relationship.

💡Investment

Investment, in the context of the video, refers to the time, effort, and emotional energy one person puts into a relationship. The speaker advises viewers to invest in those who invest in them, rather than those they are merely attracted to. This concept is central to the video's message about recognizing and valuing consistent commitment over sporadic attention.

💡Consistency

Consistency is the quality of being reliable and stable over time. In the video, the speaker values consistency in communication and connection within a relationship. It is used as a standard to measure the health of a relationship, with the speaker expressing a desire for more consistency from their partner, as they feel disconnected when apart.

💡Communication

Communication is the act of sharing information, feelings, or ideas. In the video, the speaker emphasizes the importance of direct communication in expressing dissatisfaction with a partner's behavior. It is suggested as a tool for educating the partner on why one is withdrawing attention, thus fostering understanding and potentially leading to positive change.

💡Vulnerability

Vulnerability refers to the state of being open and honest about one's feelings, often exposing oneself to the risk of being hurt. The speaker mentions vulnerability as something that can attract the right kind of partner, as it shows integrity and character. It is contrasted with playing 'cool', which can deter genuine connections.

💡Player

A 'player' in the context of the video is someone who manipulates or plays games in relationships, often for their own amusement or benefit. The speaker warns that mirroring cold behavior can attract players, as they are excited by the 'game' of pursuit and withdrawal. This term is used to illustrate the type of person one should avoid in a relationship.

💡Dynamic

Dynamic refers to the way in which the forces or elements in a situation are connected or interact. In the video, the speaker discusses the unhealthy dynamic that can be created when one person is hot and cold, leading to a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal. The goal is to break this cycle by establishing a new, healthier dynamic through clear communication and setting standards.

💡Standards

Standards are the principles or levels of quality against which things are judged. The speaker encourages setting and maintaining personal standards in relationships, such as expecting consistency and communication. By stating one's standards, as shown in the script, one can educate their partner and potentially attract someone who is willing to meet those standards.

Highlights

The importance of distinguishing between attention and intention in romantic relationships.

Attention is about experiencing romantic tension, while intention is about building a relationship.

Hot and cold behavior can be a red flag indicating a lack of interest in romantic progress.

Excuses for going cold often reveal someone's true priorities.

Mirroring a person's cold behavior can be a mistake and may attract the wrong type of romantic partner.

The dangers of playing 'cool' in relationships and how it can attract the wrong partners.

How to break the cycle of hot and cold behavior with direct communication.

The strategy of withdrawing attention while educating the other person about the behavior.

The importance of being ready to lose a person before communicating your standards.

How to respond when someone reaches out after being cold, with an example text message.

The significance of stating your values and standards in a relationship.

The potential for setting high standards to attract the right kind of partner.

The risk of appearing weak after setting boundaries and how to maintain integrity.

The decision to be a significant person in someone's life or just a casual acquaintance.

An offer of a program called 'Momentum Texts' to help move dating situations forward.

The humorous moment where the speaker removes a link due to the perceived low value of the program.

The final message on the importance of setting and maintaining standards in relationships.

Transcripts

are you in a situation with someone

where when you are with them it feels

amazing you feel connected to this

person you feel like they shower you

with a tension they are there they're

excited they can't get enough of you

and then when you're apart you feel like

you don't exist you don't get their

attention they barely communicate with

you it gets very very cold

it creates a kind of

crazy making scenario where you feel

like you're living in two completely

different worlds the one where this

person is extremely into you and then

this complete other reality where it

doesn't seem like this person is

thinking about you at all in this video

I'm gonna walk you through some classic

mistakes to avoid in this scenario and

I'm going to give you two very specific

text messages to get you out of it now

before I do make sure you like this

video subscribe to this Channel and hit

the notification Bell literally right

now hit the like button if by the end of

the video you've decided I don't like it

you can always unlike it but for now

like it let's talk for a moment about a

classic mistake that people make in this

scenario and they use it as

justification to keep going with this

person now the problem is there's a big

difference between attention and

intention attention is when someone is

just giving us attention and looking for

a tension when they want to experience

something romantically intention is when

I have a vision for myself romantically

when I actually see myself creating

something building something and when

someone goes hot and cold in this way

what they're showing you is they're all

about attention but not intention when

they disappear that's a massive red flag

and the reason it's a red flag is

because it says I'm interested in having

a romantic experience with you but I'm

not interested in making romantic

progress with you

think about it when someone goes cold

what do they say are the excuses I'm

busy with work I'm busy with friends I'm

busy with family I'm busy with my

hobbies but what that tells you is they

are busy with their priorities they are

busy with things that they want to move

the ball forward on things they want to

progress I want to progress my business

which is why it's getting my time I want

to progress my friendships which is why

they're getting time I want to progress

my skill in this hobby which is why it's

getting my time so buying that logic you

have to then say the reason you're not

hearing from them is because their

romantic life with you is not something

they're trying to progress

it's just something they want to

experience in moments that are

convenient to them the second mistake

people make is mirroring that person's

behavior in a situation like this now a

lot of people do this feeling like

they're following things I've said over

the years so for example many people

have heard me if you followed me for a

long time you know that I've said many

times invest in who invests in you don't

invest in someone based on how much you

like them invest in someone based on how

much they invest in you so then what

happens is someone says well he was

great when we were together but now he's

gone cold so I'm going to stop investing

because he's not investing in me so they

mirror that behavior and they go cold

too the problem is it actually ends up

giving that person exactly what they

might want especially if they're a

player type if they're an avoidant then

they get exactly what they want in that

scenario oh well I can call them up when

I want to see them have an amazing time

have all that passion because you reward

that investment right oh he wants to see

me now reward that investment by seeing

him but when I'm not with her she

doesn't bother me this is perfect right

so the danger is you actually end up

playing into their hands in that way or

something equally bad happens which is

you going cold

ends up attracting exactly the kind of

guy you want to avoid the player who or

the avoidant who gets turned on gets

attracted to you suddenly going cold and

withdrawing the person that gets excited

by you withdrawing is the person who's

energized by The Game and of course the

problem with that is if you set up that

Dynamic that game doesn't stop the

moment you turn around to meet them

they're not interested when you turn

away and withdraw again they come for

you so now you get stuck in that cycle

so how do you break that cycle how do

you apply what I've always said which is

invest in who invests in you within the

context of the situation of the person

who's going hot and cold we have to be

willing to withdraw our attention but

with direct communication

about what we don't like in their

behavior so what we're doing is taking

the opportunity not just to withdraw but

to educate them on why we're withdrawing

now it doesn't make sense to do this if

someone isn't reaching out to you for a

date right because there's nothing to

withdraw from in order to educate them

on why you're withdrawing they have to

be making an ask now the ask may be I

really want to see you this weekend or

it might be I miss you how is I miss you

and ask well it's an ask for attention

right I'm asking for you to give me

validation back and tell me you miss me

when someone makes an Ask that's your

moment to communicate how you're feeling

and the Reason by the way that people

don't communicate how they're feeling is

because they want to play this kind of

cool girl or in a man's case cool guy

the danger of playing cool girl is that

it attracts the wrong guys it also

doesn't model the kind of behavior that

would reveal the right guys it doesn't

give the right guys something to see and

go oh this is exactly what I've been

looking for this is exactly the

vulnerability and the integrity and the

character that I've been looking for you

become invisible

to the kinds of people who want the

relationship that deep down you crave so

here's what we're gonna do

this person after a week or two weeks of

being cold and distant

suddenly pops up again and sends you a

message they may say I've been thinking

about you I would love to see you

here's what you send back if I'm being

honest I'm a little surprised you want

us to go on another date I haven't felt

like we've been that close recently as

I've not heard from you very much I

guess I just assumed we weren't in the

same place as each other

what I like about this text is that it's

not you're not expressing all of this

upset and all of this sadness about

where it's gotten to there's something a

bit matter of fact about it like I'm

surprised to hear from you because I

haven't felt that close to you it's

almost past tense already you know I I

guess I just assumed we weren't in the

same place there's a matter of factness

about that it's not I've been sitting

here ruminating over the fact that we're

not in the same place it's just based on

your actions I already put you into a

not that important category now we can

quite easily figure out what someone

might send in response to that the

instinct is to be a little defensive and

to say oh I'm sorry I've been really

busy recently I have a lot going on

right now you know it's been a really

busy time let's say he throws out some

excuses like that now is your

opportunity to educate him on what your

standards are I totally get it I have a

lot going on too so I know what it's

like but something I really value is

consistency you and I have such a good

time together but I don't feel like

we're very connected when we're apart

here's why this works firstly it's

showing empathy and understanding right

you're applying a compassionate lens to

the fact that he has a lot going on but

you're also saying I get it because I'm

also busy it's not like I have nothing

going on and you have loads going on and

that's why I don't feel like there's

enough communication it's that I'm

willing to make time for communication

in spite of the fact that I have a lot

going on you then go on to say but

something I really value is consistency

so now you're very explicitly stating

something you value and you're pointing

out the fact that he's been anything but

consistent and that is why you feel

distant and that's why you can't just

jump into being flirtatious and

arranging a date you then say you and I

have such a good time together that's

the warmth that's the moment where you

get to say hey I am acknowledging that

it's awesome

when it's great between us but I don't

feel like we're very connected when

we're apart

and I use the word we're I don't feel

like we're very connected there because

you're not pointing the finger you're

saying I just don't feel like we're very

connected when we're apart so there's

still a we in this you're inviting him

to step up and be better but you're not

doing it in a way where you're pointing

fingers I'll say this at this juncture

in order to send this text with any

integrity and with any potency you need

to be ready to lose this person before

you send it otherwise what however well

you do at sending these messages I've

crafted your response after that will

soften

and show weakness and show that this

standard isn't real it's just a tactic

and before you know it you will have

undone any respect and attraction that

is created by this bold communication

ultimately

you have to decide which category of

person you want to be in in this

person's life do you want to be another

person they live in their wake or do you

want to be the person that says this is

what I need

and if I don't get that I'm not going to

invest my time and energy in you now

that may not convert the wrong guy into

the right guy but it does have the

potential to stop the right guy in his

tracks when he sees an uncommon standard

that is worth living up to did you enjoy

the message that I gave in this video

did it feel helpful do you want 67 more

just like that that can help you

actually move your situation with

someone forward instead of getting stuck

in the phase you're in well if you do I

have a program called the momentum texts

now before you click off the video

because I know you're about to you you

know you've enjoyed the video and you're

like next it's seven dollars

is and if you're sick and tired of

getting stuck in this casual phase of

dating or getting stuck on the apps and

endless texting that never results in

real dates or dates that never evolve

into an actual relationship if you're so

tired of it you could throw a shoe

then go over to momentum texts.com it's

right here there's the link I care about

it so much I'm shoeless

go check it out momentum texts.com it's

got something for everybody and it's

seven dollars that's mental

seven dollars you know how long this

program took me to create seven dollars

you know what no

no you can't have it Jameson take the

link off the screen

enough

it's too much

I tell you what if I find out

a single one of these people has gone to

momentum text.com

I'll throw a shirt at you