Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Live With Your Significant Other Before Marriage

Summary

The speaker argues against cohabitation before marriage, citing evidence that it may lead to higher divorce rates. They discuss the stability of anti-social behavior, the implications of early sexual activity, and the psychological impact of non-commitment. They emphasize the importance of commitment, community support, and the transformative power of marriage as a container for personal growth. The necessity of faith in the unknown future of a relationship and the transformative potential of enduring vows are also highlighted.

Takeaways

• 📊 Cohabitation before marriage is associated with higher likelihood of divorce, contradicting the common belief that it is beneficial for couples to 'test drive' their relationship.
• 🧐 The correlation between cohabitation and divorce might be due to the fact that people who are more likely to divorce are also more likely to live together before marriage, indicating a potential pre-existing pattern.
• 🔍 The speaker suggests that the goal of learning about a partner and how to act in marriage is not effectively achieved through cohabitation, as it does not necessarily lead to a better or lasting marriage.
• 💔 Having a larger number of sexual partners before marriage is also linked to a higher probability of divorce, which the speaker finds intriguing.
• 👨‍⚕️ The speaker's research background in criminal behavior and anti-social tendencies includes the observation that early sexual behavior and multiple partners are markers for anti-social behavior.
• 🤔 The speaker speculates that early sexual behavior and multiple partners might be linked to a pattern of exploiting others, which could be unsustainable in a marriage.
• 💬 Men often use the argument that a 'piece of paper' is not necessary to indicate commitment, which the speaker criticizes as shallow and indicative of a lack of understanding of the significance of marriage vows and community support.
• 🤝 Marriage requires a commitment in front of a community and a higher authority, which can provide stability during difficult times, something that is not simulated by cohabitation.
• 👪 Cohabitation without marriage can lead to ambiguity about future plans, including having children, which can cause anxiety and uncertainty in a relationship.
• 🔥 Marriage is described as a container for transformation, requiring heat and pressure to change individuals for the better, a process that cohabitation does not facilitate.
• 🚫 Cohabitation is not a true simulation of marriage, and without the commitment of marriage, individuals may not experience the necessary desperation to change and grow in the relationship.
• 🕊️ Commitment in marriage is an act of faith, stepping into the unknown future with the hope and belief that the relationship will endure and grow stronger despite the lack of evidence for its success.

Q & A

Why does the speaker advise against cohabitation before marriage?

The speaker advises against cohabitation before marriage because there is evidence suggesting it may lead to a higher likelihood of divorce, and it does not effectively simulate the commitment and challenges of marriage.

What is the speaker's view on the analogy of testing a relationship like a car test drive?

The speaker rejects this analogy, emphasizing that people are not objects like cars and that such a comparison oversimplifies the complexities of human relationships.

What evidence does the speaker provide regarding the correlation between cohabitation and divorce rates?

The speaker states that people who live together before marriage are statistically more likely to get divorced, which contradicts the common belief that cohabitation might reduce the risk of divorce.

How does the speaker connect cohabitation with anti-social behavior?

The speaker draws a parallel between early sexual behavior and multiple partners, which are markers for anti-social behavior, and the likelihood of divorce, suggesting that a pattern of exploiting others might be a factor.

What does the speaker believe is the significance of making a vow in a marriage ceremony?

The speaker believes that making a vow in a marriage ceremony is significant because it represents a public commitment to the relationship, in front of a community and a higher authority, which can provide support during difficult times.

Why does the speaker argue that living together before marriage might not help in learning how to be married effectively?

The speaker argues that living together does not simulate the heat and pressure of marriage, which is necessary for personal transformation and growth within the relationship.

What is the speaker's perspective on the idea that a marriage is just a 'piece of paper'?

The speaker criticizes this idea, stating that it reflects a shallow understanding of marriage and its significance as a vow and a public commitment.

According to the speaker, what message does cohabitation send about the couple's commitment to each other?

The speaker suggests that cohabitation implies a provisional arrangement and a lack of permanent commitment, which can lead to instability and uncertainty in the relationship.

How does the speaker describe the necessity of faith in a marriage?

The speaker describes faith in marriage as an act of stepping into the unknown, making a commitment without full evidence of its success, and believing in the potential for growth and transformation within the relationship.

What does the speaker believe is the alternative to commitment in a relationship?

The speaker believes that the alternative to commitment is aimlessness, hopelessness, and confusion, suggesting that commitment provides a sense of purpose and direction in life.

How does the speaker view the process of transformation within a marriage?

The speaker views the process of transformation within a marriage as requiring heat and pressure, which can only be achieved through the desperation of being bound together and the commitment to work through conflicts.

Outlines

00:00

🔎 Cohabitation Before Marriage: A Risky Proposition

The speaker argues against cohabitation before marriage, citing evidence that it correlates with a higher likelihood of divorce. They challenge the common-sense notion of 'testing the waters' by comparing a partner to a car, emphasizing that people are not objects. The speaker suggests that individuals inclined towards divorce may also be more likely to cohabitate, making it difficult to establish causality. They also touch on the idea that learning to be a better partner or spouse is not effectively achieved through cohabitation, and that having multiple sexual partners before marriage similarly increases the risk of divorce. The speaker then transitions into a discussion of anti-social behavior, noting its early onset and resistance to change, and draws a parallel between early sexual behavior and multiple partners as indicators of potential future relationship instability.

05:02

🤔 The Consequences of Cohabitation and the Nature of Commitment

This paragraph delves into the psychological and societal implications of cohabitation versus marriage. The speaker posits that cohabitation may communicate a lack of commitment and a willingness to 'trade up' if a better opportunity arises. They critique the notion that a marriage certificate is merely a piece of paper, arguing that public vows and community recognition are significant for the stability of a relationship. The speaker emphasizes the importance of enduring commitment during difficult times, suggesting that the absence of a formal commitment, as in cohabitation, can lead to a lack of resilience in the face of challenges. They also explore the idea that cohabitation can create ambiguity about future plans, such as having children, which can lead to anxiety and uncertainty within the relationship.

10:03

💔 The Illusion of Pre-Marital 'Practice' and the Importance of Faith

The speaker refutes the idea that cohabitation is a form of practice for marriage, stating that the two cannot be equated. They discuss Carl Jung's perspective on marriage as a transformative 'container' that requires heat and pressure to change individuals for the better. The commitment of marriage, according to the speaker, creates a sense of desperation that can lead to personal transformation. They argue that the inability to 'walk away' from a marriage is a catalyst for change and growth within the relationship. The speaker also introduces the concept of faith in marriage, suggesting that true commitment is an act of faith in the unknown future and the potential for growth that it holds.

15:04

🤝 The Transformative Power of Marriage and the Role of Commitment

In this paragraph, the speaker expands on the transformative potential of marriage, likening the commitment to a vow that treats one's partner as an extension of oneself. They share personal anecdotes about the importance of resolving conflicts within marriage rather than avoiding them, which can lead to a stagnant and unhappy relationship. The speaker asserts that the act of getting married is a necessary act of faith, requiring individuals to move into the unknown future together. They argue that this faith is essential for personal growth and the realization of a successful marriage, as it compels both partners to face challenges and change together.

20:05

🚫 The Folly of Non-Commitment and the Virtue of Faith in Relationships

The final paragraph addresses the consequences of not committing to marriage and the alternative of remaining uncommitted. The speaker argues that without commitment, individuals may feel aimless and hopeless, lacking direction and meaning in life. They advocate for the benefits of commitment, even in the absence of concrete evidence that it will succeed, suggesting that the act of committing itself is what can lead to success. The speaker distinguishes between blind faith and the type of faith that is necessary for a strong marriage, which is a conscious decision to invest in the relationship despite the uncertainties. They conclude by emphasizing the importance of this commitment for personal growth and the pursuit of a meaningful life.

Keywords

💡Cohabitation

Cohabitation refers to the act of two people living together in a romantic relationship without being married. In the video, the speaker advises against cohabitation before marriage, citing evidence that it may lead to a higher likelihood of divorce. The concept is central to the video's theme, as it sets the stage for discussing the implications of pre-marital living arrangements on the stability of future marriages.

💡Divorce

Divorce is the legal dissolution of a marriage. The script discusses the correlation between cohabitation and a higher rate of divorce, challenging the common assumption that living together before marriage can help couples better understand each other and prepare for a lifelong commitment. The speaker uses this term to highlight the potential negative outcomes of cohabitation.

💡Anti-social Behavior

Anti-social behavior is a pattern of conduct that violates social norms and is characteristic of criminals. The speaker draws a parallel between early sexual behavior and multiple partners, which are markers for anti-social behavior, and the likelihood of divorce. This concept is used to suggest that certain behaviors may indicate a predisposition towards instability in relationships.

💡Psychopathy

Psychopathy is a personality disorder characterized by persistent anti-social behavior, impaired empathy and remorse, and bold, disinhibited, and egotistical traits. The speaker describes the psychopath as a 'predatory parasite,' using this term to illustrate the idea that certain personality traits may be linked to a pattern of exploiting others, which could undermine the sustainability of a marriage.

💡Commitment

Commitment in the context of the video refers to the decision and dedication to remain faithful and supportive to one's partner, particularly within the institution of marriage. The speaker argues that cohabitation fails to simulate the true commitment required in marriage, which involves a public vow and a community's recognition of that vow.

💡Vow

A vow is a solemn promise or declaration, often made as part of a marriage ceremony. The script emphasizes the importance of vows in marriage as a public declaration of intent to stay together through difficult times. The speaker uses the term to explain why simply living together cannot replicate the depth of commitment made in a marriage vow.

💡Transformation

Transformation in the video is used metaphorically to describe the personal growth and change that can occur within the confines of a marriage. The speaker references Carl Jung's view of marriage as a container that can create the intense heat necessary for personal transformation, suggesting that the commitment of marriage can catalyze self-improvement.

💡Faith

Faith, as discussed in the video, is the belief or trust in something, especially in the absence of evidence. The speaker argues that faith is essential for marriage, as it allows individuals to step into the unknown future with their partner, committing to a lifelong journey together without certainty of the outcome.

💡Community

Community refers to a group of people sharing a common culture or sense of belonging. In the context of the video, the speaker mentions the importance of community in marriage, suggesting that the public aspect of a marriage vow, made in front of one's community, adds a layer of accountability and support to the relationship.

💡Stability

Stability in the video is used to describe the enduring and secure nature of a relationship, particularly in marriage. The speaker contrasts the provisional nature of cohabitation with the stability that marriage can provide, arguing that the latter is more conducive to building a strong, lasting relationship.

💡Explotation

Exploitation is the act of using someone for one's own advantage, often unfairly or unethically. The script connects the concept of exploitation with certain behaviors that may be indicative of a pattern of using others, such as early sexual behavior and multiple partners, suggesting that such behaviors could lead to unsustainable relationships.

Highlights

Evidence suggests cohabitation before marriage is associated with a higher likelihood of divorce.

The common-sense approach to cohabitation as a 'test drive' is challenged by statistical outcomes.

Individuals with a history of cohabitation or multiple sexual partners may be predisposed to divorce.

The stability of anti-social behavior from early childhood and its link to early sexual activity is discussed.

Early sexual behavior and multiple partners are markers for anti-social behavior and potential criminal tendencies.

The concept of a psychopath as a predatory parasite is introduced, linking early promiscuity to exploitative tendencies.

Cohabitation without marriage may communicate a lack of full commitment and openness to 'trading up'.

The emotional impact of cohabitation on women and the societal risks associated with casual sexual activity are highlighted.

Marriage as a vow and community commitment is emphasized as crucial for enduring relationship challenges.

The metaphor of marriage as an alchemical container for transformation under heat and pressure is presented.

The necessity of enduring the transformative process within marriage, rather than avoiding conflict, is discussed.

The act of faith required in marriage and its distinction from blind faith or naivety is explored.

Commitment in marriage is posited as a means to draw out the best in both partners through mutual dedication.

The alternative to commitment is described as aimlessness, hopelessness, and a lack of meaning in life.

The importance of making a real commitment, rather than a simulated one through cohabitation, is underscored.

The applause indicates audience approval and resonance with the speaker's perspective on marriage and commitment.

The transcript concludes with a reflection on the delusional and potentially harmful nature of avoiding commitment in relationships.

Transcripts

can you please elaborate on why you

advise against cohabitation before

marriage

well

so why would I advise against

cohabitation before marriage well the

simple answer to that question is

there's plenty of evidence that it's a

bad idea

and and I just mean factual evidence to

begin with although I think there are

other reasons

um

people who live together and then get

married are more likely to

get divorced not less likely and that's

a really interesting fact because it

flies in the face of

what you might think of as a kind of

pragmatic common sense you know because

you might think

well you don't buy a car without

taking it out for a test drive

[Laughter]

right and everyone laughs because that

seems obvious but then you know

woman's not a car

[Laughter]

and and neither is a man and really like

seriously

really not an object

and so it isn't obvious at all that that

metaphor applies even though it's

at first shallow glance it's

it seems obviously true well but if it's

obviously true then you might say well

why do people who live together why are

people who live together before they get

married more likely to get divorced and

one possible answer to that is well

people who are more likely to get

divorced are the same people who are

more likely to live together rather than

to get married and that's possible it's

very difficult to separate those two

things so but in some sense it doesn't

matter

what the facts reveal is that if the

goal is to

learn what you need to learn so that you

can decide who you should marry more

effectively or learn how to act if you

do get married more effectively and the

goal is that your marriage will be

better and last then it doesn't work

and so and that's a strange truth

and then you might ask yourself well why

why doesn't it work it's also the case

by the way that

the more sexual partners the larger the

number of sexual partners that someone

has had before they get married the more

likely they are to get divorced as well

and that's also it's also the okay the

case by the way and this is also

interesting

so I spent a lot of time studying

criminal behavior in all sorts of

different manifestations some of it on

the political front with regard to the

behavior of people who committed

terrible atrocities in the service of

political belief

some of it

on the

like the frontier of of criminal sadism

itself I spent a lot of time

studying the behavior of of serial

killers and and mass tortures and people

like that

but I also spend a lot of time

as a research scientist looking at

what psychiatrists and psychologists

know as anti-social behavior and

anti-social behavior is the pattern of

behavior that characterizes criminals

and

it's it usually makes itself manifest

pretty early in life

perhaps as early as two years old by the

way

and it's once it's established it's

extremely stable it's

it's

it isn't

obvious at all that psychologists or

psychiatrists

have

learned anything about how to remediate

anti-social Behavior so criminal

Behavior or its precursors in childhood

once it's there that especially seems to

be the case after about four years of

age once it's there

it's

unbelievably stable and resilient to and

resistant to change

and it has a lot of

different aspects anti-social Behavior

but one of the markers for anti-social

Behavior

delinquency childhood conduct disorder

early onset criminality is

early sexual behavior and and multiple

partners

and so

you know you can take that for what it's

worth

why is that the case

you could speculate

someone who's

oriented in a criminal direction is more

likely to take advantage of someone else

for their own gratification I think

that's the basic commonality I don't

know that for sure

because we don't know why these

different symptoms of criminality let's

say

linked together apart from the fact that

criminals are predators and the Really

pathological criminals are predatory

parasites and that's really what defines

the psychopath by the way is a predatory

a psychopath is a predatory parasite

um

the archetypal psychopath is a sadistic

predatory parasite so the sadist takes

Delight in the pain of others so

positive pleasure in the pain of others

the predator

uses others to their own advantage and

the parasite

takes no responsibility for his or her

own

existence and

manipulates or compels others to serve

that goal and so that's kind of an ugly

combination of traits and one of the

core elements of that is

early multiple partner promiscuity

and so

that's

that's interesting and that also might

explain why

more pre-marriage sexual partners

increases the probability of divorce is

that it's a marker for

the pattern of behavior that

is characterized by the exploitation of

others and is therefore

more likely to be unsustainable over the

medium to long run

so that's interesting then you can think

about it

kind of think about it metaphysically

I thought about this or philosophically

I thought about what is it what are you

telling someone

when you live with them

okay so I've talked to lots of people

women

who are cohabiting with men

are generally not very happy about the

fact that the relationship is not moving

towards marriage now I think the reason

there's a bunch of reasons for that

women seem to suffer more

emotionally as a consequence of sexual

activity outside of a committed

relationship you can imagine why that is

women experience more negative emotion

than men on average in general but also

women pay a much higher sex is much

riskier for women than it is for men

obviously

hopefully I don't have to explain why

that is

so

and so women are often not for women who

are cohabiting are often less than happy

about that and the men who I've talked

to about

that

with about their partners

displeasure with the current

unstable nature of the relationship

often say something like well we don't

need a piece of paper to

indicate our commitment to each other

which sounds all

revolutionary and Shea Guevara but which

is

really a pretty pathetic bit of

reasoning first of all

for someone to say that means they think

that what they just said convinces you

that all marriage is is a piece of paper

and that's

that's a preposterously foolish argument

I mean at minimum

in the typical marriage ceremony

you make a vow by whatever is Holy to

you or at least in front of the state

itself

and then in front of your community as

you define it that you're going to make

a commitment to someone and if you think

that's nothing

then you're probably the sort of person

that the person you asked

to marry you should run away from

so

so that's pretty shallow

and then you might ask well why do you

need to commit to your partner

in front of your community and a higher

authority let's say and the answer is

well life is really really difficult and

you're going to have rough time with

your partner no matter how much you love

them because the two of you are

different and you're different sexually

and you're different temperamentally and

so you're not going to see eye to eye

all the time and then horribly difficult

things are going to come your way and

they're going to

the complexity of those difficult things

is going to tempt you to pull apart

and exactly when pulling apart might be

the worst possible thing for you and

maybe you need that vowel before your

community and God himself let's say or

at least the state

and The Vow that you've made to yourself

and your partner and The Vow that you've

made publicly to all your friends to

keep you together when the going gets

rough

and you might say well you don't need

that

and I would say well that's just because

the going hasn't got rough enough for

you yet because when it does get that

rough you'll bloody well know that you

needed that that's for sure and that

will definitely happen to you

thank you

that will definitely happen to you if

you marry someone because all the things

that life can throw at you

will be thrown at you in the course of a

marriage

and so

the vowel

and the community commitment you don't

just throw that away casually and you

certainly don't say well that's just a

piece of paper you know what do I need a

piece of paper to validate my love it's

like your love's Not Great is it you're

really that much of a saint that this

person they can just you say you love

them and oh man they're just done

they're in Bliss they're in Paradise for

the rest of their life they can just

rely you're never going to waver now

that you expressed your love you're just

going to be there 100 of the time you

don't need anyone else to help you you

don't need a vow you don't need any

tradition so your love is so pure and

holy that that other person they just

rely on you from that second onward no

hesitation it's like yeah right

that's just complete bloody rubbish you

can't even rely on yourself in

relationship to yourself

for that so

[Applause]

okay so next

what are you telling your partner well

as far as I can tell if you live with

someone here's what you're saying to

each other

you're the best I can manage at the

moment

and maybe the same applies to me for you

and uh we both really don't want to take

on any more responsibility than

necessary Plus

we both want to have the option of

trading up if it opportunity comes along

and so why don't we just

make do with this provisional

arrangement

well we cast our eye out into the

broader world and see if we can fish

something better in

and

you know you can say I'm cynical about

that but I don't think I'm cynical about

that I

because living together means something

like well we're not permanently

committed and not permanently committed

means well we're impermanently committed

and impermanently committed means

we're looking for a better commitment or

or perhaps to be alone but forget that

because that's usually not true well

what kind of basis is that to have a

relationship with someone how are you

going to found a relationship on that

especially an intimate relationship

how is that going to work it's like

you'll do for now

I I don't think that's a very solid

foundation to

to move forward

to to allow you to move forward and then

it's indeterminate too is well if you're

just living together do you have kids

because that's a commitment that's for

sure and that's a real commitment or it

better be and it's going to be

inevitably anyways and so if there's

ambiguity about your commitment to each

other there's going to be ambiguity

about

your plans for children and that's a

huge ambiguity in most relationships so

that's not helpful that just means

neither of you know what the hell you're

doing and that provokes anxiety and

uncertainty and it and it it decreases

hope because hope is experienced in

relationship to a goal and if the goal

is ambiguous maybe we'll have kids and

maybe we'll not well then there's no

real hope there and so that seems to be

a pretty decent Pathway to misery

so

and then the next issue is

and this is the final one that I'll

discuss is

you're not married if you're living

together

and so you might say well you're

practicing being married it's like no

you're not why because

it's not something you can simulate

so one of the things I learned from

Reading Carl Jung Jung thought about

marriage as a container as an outcome as

a container for alchemical

transformation as a container

that would produce a heat so intense

that the base metal of your psychic

could be transformed into something

ideal but it had to be a container that

could take could take heat because it

requires heat to transform

and you might say well how much heat

does someone as base as you need to

transform and the answer might be a lot

of heat I need a lot of heat and

pressure before I'm going to change

before I'm going to become purified in

any real sense

and so what's the heat and pressure

here's what it is you don't get to run

away

you're stuck with that person

and they're stuck with you and you made

a vow it's like oh

I'm stuck with you

just like I'm stuck with me and and and

and The Vow is exactly that right in

some real sense The Vow is I'm going to

treat you like you're me

and you don't even like yourself very

much so

that's a vicious vow and so you might

say well how desperate do you have to be

when confronted by someone else to

change your ways and the answer might be

well you have to be as desperate as

being Shackled to someone makes you you

know one of the reasons that Tammy and I

have gone along and are still together

is because

we both know that

we're stuck with each other

and so

and so we decided quite a long time ago

that we didn't want to have the same

stupid fight every day for the next 40

years

and so and that's like the definition of

a bad marriage it's like we're having

the same fight every day for 40 years

that's hell and so the alternative is

now let's just have a bloody fight Right

Here and Now

and see if we can sort out whatever the

hell is so stupid about us that's

keeping us in this dismal hell and why

well because otherwise

we're just stuck with this misery and if

you can walk away and if you can leave

which you can if you're not bound

together then you're not gonna

withstand the horrible process of heat

and pressure that's required to make you

transform

you'll just walk around that you'll just

look for an excuse I mean people look

for an excuse not to do that anyways and

so

part of the reason you get married is so

you're desperate enough to change

and and maybe that doesn't even work

[Applause]

so those are the reasons you

those are the reasons that

no there's there's one more there's one

more

this is the next thing

it's it's a necessary Act of Faith

and you know in our culture

because we're not very wise

we think that faith means especially

when it's

parodied as religious faith we think

faith means the willingness to suspend

disbelief while swallowing a proposition

that any fool would reject that's often

how the rationalist atheists view

religious claims

faith means the suspension of your

rationality and the acceptance of an

an absurd claim

but that isn't what faith means not

really

faith is what makes

movement into the unknown possible and

you need to move into the unknown

because that's where you're moving

and because the unknown is unknown

because the future is unknown you cannot

step forward into the unknown without

faith

it wouldn't be unknown if you knew it

if you knew it it wouldn't require Faith

but you don't know it and so

you step forward into the unknown future

as a consequence of your faith in some

principles and if you love someone if

you fall in love with someone and you

decide to marry them

you don't have the evidence at hand that

that's the right person for you

what you have instead is the joint

decision that come hell or high water

you're going to struggle forward

together

and then you don't even know if that's

the right decision

because you're not going to know until

you're

till you've been married like your whole

life you're not going to have the data

and so you do have to throw yourself

into the abyss

to be married

just like you have to throw yourself

into the abyss to be alive

you have to move forward in faith and

then you might say well how do you call

the best out of yourself and out of your

partner that maybe a partner that you're

fortunate enough to love and the answer

might be by

offering them the gift of faith and by

saying look you know flawed as we both

are

if we commit to each other

we have the possibility of becoming more

than we are

and I'd like to do that with you even

though there's no evidence that it's

going to work

and but then you might think too the

more deeply you're committed to that

faith the more likely it is to work and

you can't find out what that commitment

is without the commitment and so you

can't simulate it by living together

because it's not real

it's not real until you make the

commitment

and so

and then I would also say well what if

you don't make the commitment

well then you're not committed

and and you might say well why should I

be committed well what's the alternative

it's to be uncommitted well

are you free then

or are you just aimless and hopeless and

Confused

and

you admire people who are committed to

something you sort of wish yourself when

when you're feeling aimless and you feel

that your life is meaningless you might

think well I really wish I was committed

to something wouldn't it be nice to be

committed to something it's like well

commit to something then

and you say well I don't have the

evidence it's like you don't commit

because of the evidence you commit

because of faith and there's foolish

Faith you know there's naive faith and

there's Blind Faith and I'm not talking

about any of that I'm talking about

stake in your life on something that

might work if you just

if if God was willing if the Fate smiled

on you and you put your whole soul into

it

and

that's what you do

when you vow to

stay faithful to someone and you can't

simulate that it says it doesn't work so

there's like five reasons why it doesn't

work and me I don't know if you find

those reasons compelling or not but I've

thought about them a lot and I

you know maybe there's a part of me that

wishes that isn't how life was and that

you could just

have a casual relationship with someone

and then trade them in on someone better

if they happen to come along but

I just don't believe that's

that's delusional to believe that at

best and it's like

machiavelle and Machiavellian

Psychopathic and narcissistic and

criminal at worse

and so

[Applause]