My honest advice to someone who feels behind in life

Summary

In this insightful video, the speaker shares a step-by-step strategy to improve one's life, inspired by a conversation with a friend named Jane. They discuss creating an ideal daily routine, identifying keystone habits, and using tools like the Opal app to curb distractions. The video emphasizes the importance of small, actionable steps to build momentum and motivation, while also highlighting the role of self-acceptance and the 'arrival fallacy' in achieving a fulfilling life. The speaker also introduces Skillshare as a resource for continuous learning and personal growth.

Takeaways

• 😀 The video discusses a step-by-step method to help improve one's life, inspired by a conversation with a friend named Jane who was feeling down and disengaged with her current life situation.
• 🔍 The first step involves envisioning an ideal day and week, which helps in creating a clear and achievable blueprint for a more fulfilling life.
• ⏰ Jane identifies waking up at 8:00 a.m. as her preferred time instead of the societally influenced 5:00 a.m., emphasizing the importance of personal preference over external pressures.
• 🚶‍♀️ Incorporating activities that contribute to personal joy, like walking the dog and engaging in hobbies, is key to designing an ideal day.
• 📱 Recognizing and addressing unproductive habits, such as excessive scrolling on social media, is crucial for reclaiming control over one's time.
• 🛠️ The use of tools like the 'Opal' app to block distracting apps is suggested as a practical method to curb bad habits and create positive behavioral changes.
• 💪 Taking immediate action, such as downloading the app mid-conversation, is advocated to prevent procrastination and start benefiting from changes right away.
• 🌱 The concept of 'nudges' is introduced as a way to gently steer behavior towards desired outcomes without drastic measures.
• 📚 The video mentions Skillshare as a resource for continuous learning and personal development, aligning with the idea of making progress a part of daily life.
• 🔗 The importance of defining an ideal week is highlighted to help understand and allocate time for activities that contribute to a sense of well-being and personal growth.
• 🚀 The video emphasizes the importance of starting with small steps to build momentum and confidence, which in turn can lead to taking larger, more impactful steps in life improvement.
• 🧭 The concept of 'keystone habits' is introduced as a strategy for initiating a chain of positive behaviors that can significantly impact one's overall lifestyle.
• 📈 The video suggests that establishing healthy eating habits, such as using a weekly meal delivery service, can act as a keystone habit that influences other areas of life positively.
• 🎯 The script concludes with the idea of using journaling prompts to help with long-term life planning and goal setting, once the immediate changes have been implemented and one's life is more in line with their desires.

Q & A

What was the main issue the friend, referred to as Jane, was facing?

Jane was feeling down and as if she was falling behind in life, struggling with the feeling that she wasn't living a life that she loved.

What is the speaker's approach to helping people improve their lives, and how does it differ from a therapist's approach?

The speaker sees himself more as a coach than a therapist. While therapists focus on the past and underlying issues, the speaker focuses on the present and actionable steps to create a brighter future.

What is the significance of asking Jane about her ideal day and week?

Understanding Jane's ideal day and week provides clarity on what she truly desires in her life, making it easier to identify the steps needed to achieve that vision.

What is the 'two-minute rule' mentioned in the script?

The 'two-minute rule' suggests that if a task takes less than two minutes to complete, it should be done immediately to avoid forgetting and to prevent life from getting in the way.

How does the speaker use the app 'Opal' to help Jane?

The speaker suggests Jane download 'Opal', an app that blocks distracting apps on her phone, to prevent mindless scrolling in the morning and evening, thus creating a positive nudge in her behavior.

What is the role of Skillshare in the speaker's life and in the context of this script?

Skillshare is an online learning platform that the speaker uses to continuously learn and make progress, which is important for feeling like one is thriving in life. It is also the sponsor of the video.

What is the concept of 'arrival fallacy' as mentioned in the script?

The 'arrival fallacy' is the belief that reaching a certain destination will magically lead to happiness or positive change. The speaker emphasizes that happiness should be part of the journey, not just the destination.

What is the 'one small, one big' action step mantra used by the speaker?

The 'one small, one big' action step mantra is a strategy to make changes in life by taking one small and one significant action step at a time, starting with manageable tasks to build momentum.

What is the importance of keystone habits as discussed in the script?

Keystone habits are foundational habits that can lead to a cascade of other positive behaviors. They are significant because they can trigger a chain reaction of improvements in various aspects of life.

How does the speaker plan to further assist Jane once she feels closer to her 'Baseline'?

The speaker plans to run Jane through journaling prompts and exercises that will help her figure out what to do with her life in the long term, turning those insights into medium-term goals and actionable steps.

What is the significance of the 'Baseline' concept in the speaker's advice?

The 'Baseline' represents a state where life is reasonably good. The speaker differentiates the type of advice needed for someone below the Baseline, focusing on small steps to build momentum, versus someone at or above the Baseline, where bigger picture questions and actions are more appropriate.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Personal Coaching Session for Life Improvement

The speaker recounts a coaching session with a friend named Jane, who was feeling down and unmotivated. They spent an hour discussing strategies to improve her life. The speaker, positioning themselves as a coach rather than a therapist, focused on creating actionable steps for Jane to achieve a better future. The session involved envisioning an ideal life and identifying what Jane's perfect day would look like, including activities and routines. The speaker emphasizes the importance of immediate action, citing the 'two-minute rule' for tasks that can be completed quickly to avoid procrastination. They also introduce an app called 'Opal' to help Jane with her phone addiction, illustrating the effectiveness of small, immediate changes.

05:01

🛠️ Establishing a Routine and Nudging Behavior

The speaker continues the discussion on personal development by emphasizing the concept of 'nudges' to change behavior. They explain that small changes, like blocking distracting apps or making minor adjustments to daily habits, can lead to significant improvements over time. The speaker highlights the importance of taking action immediately, as demonstrated with Jane's decision to download the 'Opal' app during their conversation. They also introduce the idea of creating an ideal weekly routine to provide a clearer vision for personal growth and satisfaction. The speaker mentions Skillshare as a resource for continuous learning and personal development, promoting it as a platform for creatives to learn from industry professionals.

10:01

🎯 Crafting an Ideal Week and Accepting the Current State

The speaker delves into the process of defining an ideal week for Jane, which includes a mix of work, personal projects, social activities, and self-care. They discuss the importance of having a compelling vision of the future to drive personal progress. The speaker introduces a concept from the book 'Designing Your Life' by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, which warns against the 'arrival fallacy'—the belief that happiness is tied to reaching a specific destination. Instead, they advocate for accepting one's current situation without judgment and focusing on enjoying the journey towards improvement.

15:03

🚶‍♂️ Taking Small Steps to Generate Momentum

The speaker discusses the importance of taking small, manageable steps to create momentum for change. They use Jane's story to illustrate how a small action, like downloading an app to block distractions, can lead to a positive shift in behavior. The speaker differentiates between advice for those below the 'Baseline' of life satisfaction and those looking to thrive beyond it. They emphasize that for those feeling overwhelmed or unhappy, starting with small steps can build confidence and motivation, which in turn can lead to larger changes over time.

20:04

🌟 Implementing Keystone Habits for Significant Life Changes

The speaker concludes the discussion by focusing on 'keystone habits'—small changes that can lead to a cascade of positive effects on other areas of life. They suggest that Jane could benefit from habits like waking up earlier, which could lead to a more structured and productive day. The speaker also addresses the issue of unhealthy eating habits by suggesting a weekly delivery service for healthy meals. These changes are intended to help Jane move towards a healthier lifestyle and improve her overall well-being. The speaker plans to provide further guidance through journaling prompts to help Jane clarify her long-term goals and action steps.

Keywords

💡Coach

A coach in this context is someone who helps individuals set and achieve goals by focusing on the present and future, rather than dwelling on the past. In the video, the speaker identifies more as a coach than a therapist, aiming to help 'Jane' improve her current situation by focusing on actionable steps and creating a better future.

💡Ideal Day

An 'ideal day' refers to a day in which every moment is filled with activities that bring joy, satisfaction, and a sense of fulfillment. The script describes how 'Jane' sketches out her ideal day using a Google Calendar, which includes waking up at a comfortable time, taking her dog for walks, and working during dedicated hours.

💡Morning Routine

A 'morning routine' consists of the activities one performs upon waking up, often aimed at setting a positive tone for the day. In the video, 'Jane' envisions her morning routine to include waking up at 8:00 a.m., brushing her teeth, and taking her dog for a walk, which contrasts with the societal pressure to wake up extremely early.

💡Distraction

A 'distraction' is anything that diverts one's attention away from a task or goal. The video discusses how 'Jane' is distracted by social media apps like YouTube and Instagram, which she later blocks using an app called Opal to improve her focus and time management.

💡Action Step

An 'action step' is a specific, actionable task one can take to move towards a goal. The video emphasizes the importance of taking action steps, both small and large, to create momentum and progress towards an ideal life. The small action step for 'Jane' was downloading the Opal app, while a big action step was considering waking up earlier.

💡Keystone Habit

A 'keystone habit' is a central habit that has the potential to initiate a cascade of other positive behaviors. The script mentions waking up earlier as a potential keystone habit for 'Jane', which could lead to earlier bedtimes, more energy, and time for self-care or personal projects.

💡Arrival Fallacy

The 'arrival fallacy' is the belief that happiness and fulfillment will be achieved once one reaches a certain destination or goal. The video warns against this fallacy, advocating instead for acceptance and enjoyment of the journey towards one's ideal life, rather than focusing solely on the end goal.

💡Self-Efficacy

Self-efficacy refers to an individual's belief in their own ability to succeed in specific situations or accomplish a task. The video explains that taking small action steps can boost self-efficacy by providing a sense of achievement and control over one's life, which is crucial for motivation and further progress.

💡Momentum

Momentum, in the context of personal development, is the build-up of energy and motivation that results from a series of successful actions. The video script illustrates how small action steps can generate momentum, which in turn leads to increased motivation and the ability to tackle larger challenges.

💡Skillshare

Skillshare is an online learning platform mentioned in the video as a resource for continuous learning and personal growth. It offers thousands of classes across various fields, which aligns with the video's theme of self-improvement and the pursuit of an ideal life filled with learning and progress.

💡Baseline

The 'baseline' in the video represents a state of life where one feels reasonably good or satisfied. The speaker discusses the importance of understanding whether one is below, at, or above this baseline when considering the type of action steps to take for self-improvement. The goal is to move from below baseline to baseline and then to a thriving state of life.

Highlights

A step-by-step method was discussed to help a friend named Jane improve her life satisfaction.

The importance of envisioning an ideal life and day was emphasized for clarity and motivation.

The concept of creating an ideal day using a Google Calendar to map out activities was introduced.

The realization that societal or guru advice might not always suit individual preferences was highlighted.

The strategy of using the 'two-minute rule' for immediate action on small tasks was mentioned.

The role of 'nudges' in behavior modification was discussed, using app blocking as an example.

Skillshare was introduced as a platform for continuous learning and personal development.

The process of defining an ideal week to identify and schedule personal activities and goals was outlined.

The 'arrival fallacy' was debunked, explaining that happiness is not solely dependent on reaching a destination.

The concept of 'one small, one big' action steps was introduced for incremental life changes.

The idea of keystone habits that can trigger a cascade of positive behaviors was discussed.

The impact of small wins on building self-efficacy and momentum was highlighted.

The strategy of starting with small, manageable changes to build momentum before tackling larger goals was suggested.

The importance of self-acceptance and removing the burden of guilt and shame from the journey of life improvement was discussed.

A weekly delivery of healthy meals as an example of an action step to automate healthy eating habits was mentioned.

The video concluded with a plan to guide Jane through journaling prompts for long-term life planning once she reaches a baseline of satisfaction.

Transcripts

all right so a few days ago I was having

a chat with one of my friends and she

was feeling a little bit down in the

dumps she was feeling as if she was

falling behind in life and she wasn't

living a life that she was loving

particularly and so we kind of spent an

hour talking about this and sort of

going through a sort of step-by-step

method on how to want to say un but

that's not the

right yeah we honestly yeah we we spent

like an hour literally going through a

stepbystep method on how to unscrew up

your life and at the end of the ation

she found it very valuable I got a

message from her the following day

saying that you know it was it was

really valuable since that conversation

she felt like she was like she had a

life a little bit more together and so I

want to talk through some of those

strategies here because I get a lot of

messages and emails from people who

watch my stuff and who are struggling in

a certain area of their life now I'm not

a therapist I don't pretend to be a

therapist my shtick is not to dive into

people's childhood past and Trauma and

all that kind of stuff great do do all

that stuff with a therapist I think of

myself more as you know a coach these

days coach is a strong word but like a

CO a therapist really focuses on the

past and tries to figure out why you are

the way that you are but what a coach

does is that they're like all right you

are the way that you are let's now look

at what we can do right now to help set

you up for a brighter future and so

here's some of the stuff that we went

through and so the first question that I

asked this friend let's call her Jane

the first question that I asked Jane is

what would a life that you love actually

look like and she was a bit like uh uh

uh well I don't know like what does that

mean I was like okay okay cool that's

fine let's kind of go more specific what

would an ideal day look like for you

just one day let's say it's a weekday

let's say you know you've got work uh

what would an ideal day look like for

you and so we basically just opened up a

Google Calendar window and sketched out

what her ideal day would look like and

so it looked something like this she was

like okay well you know um ideally I'd

like to wake up at 5:00 a.m. because

I've read Robin sharma's the 500 a.m.

club and I you know I've really I've

really been trying to be a morning

person for a very long time and I just

can't seem to do it I can't seem to be a

mning person and I was like okay well

I've tried to be a morning person as

well and I also realized I'm not a

morning person so why don't we just let

go of that like what if you simply

decided that it's okay to not wake up at

5:00 a.m. or 600 or 7: like if you

weren't concerned about what other

people thought of you or the advice that

a life Guru was going to give you what

time would you like to wake up and she

was like oh I probably wake up around

8:00 I was like great let's start waking

up at 8:00 a.m. great now what do you do

for the first hour of your day and she

was like okay well for the first hour of

my day you know I want to do my morning

routine brush my teeth and then I want

to take my dog for walk I was like okay

great so how long is that going to be

she was like uh maybe an hour maybe 90

minutes I was like cool should we just

say 2 hours 8: to 10: a.m. you are

taking your dog for a walk dog plus

morning how would that feel and she was

like yeah that would feel really good I

was like okay cool what comes next you

know she works from home so she was like

okay cool then from like 10: till 1: I'd

probably be doing some work I was like

okay cool then there's a lunch block so

you know one to I don't know 2:30 1 to

2:00 p.m. 1 to 2:30 which is another

kind of walk that dog type situation and

then it was more work until I don't know

6:00 p.m. and then it was another like

you know have dinner and feed and walk

the dog man man I I realized when

talking to Jane that having a dog is a

total A total nightmare I'm sure it's

fun but like having to walk the dog

three times in the day and then you know

in the evening she wants to work on like

personal projects because she wants to

start a YouTube channel and stuff

personal projects and so that is what an

ideal day in Jane's life would look like

I asked her how it felt to just have

that written down and she said that

she's never had so much Clarity on her

life before because just seeing this

written down made her realize that oh

this was actually achievable and so then

I asked Jane like what are you currently

doing that's different from this like

what is stopping you from living this as

your ideal day pretty much every workday

she said well the first thing I do when

I wake up in the morning is I

scroll and at night time you know I

struggled to get to bed because I'm

scrolling and I was like okay great

you're scrolling what sort of apps are

you scrolling on she was like oh YouTube

and Instagram and I was like okay cool

have you tried downloading an app called

opal she was like oh I've heard you talk

about it but like you know I was like

okay let's let's download opal right now

opal is an app that blocks distracting

apps on your phone and so there and then

she downloaded the app opal and she set

it up so that from 9:00 p.m. at night to

10:00 a.m. the following morning all

offending social media apps were blocked

and she just did that in those 30

seconds literally while I was having the

conversation with her I often have these

sorts of conversations and one one thing

I'm very bullish on is people just

taking action there and then if Jane had

said to me oh okay when I get home after

this conversation I will download opal I

guarantee it would not have happened I'm

always like why don't we just do it

right now if it takes less than 2

minutes you may as well do it right now

this is you know another variant of the

two-minute rule anything that takes less

than 2 minutes just do it right now

because otherwise you're going to forget

and life's going to get in the way and

all this sort of stuff so by virtue of

just downloading a single tool which is

in fact free we have already made Jane's

life better by you know preventing the

scroll happening in the morning and

preventing the scroll happening in the

evening and then she was like yeah but

you know what if I decide to I don't

know install the app and blah blah blah

blah blah blah it's like yeah you can

always get around any system that you

create for your life but the whole point

is the idea of nudges we are we are

nudging our Behavior towards things that

we actually want and importantly I

wasn't the one telling Jane that she

shouldn't be scrolling at night she was

the one saying that like yeah I I I

really wish I didn't just mindlessly

scroll in the morning and in the evening

we're just nudging ourselves if you've

got a video game addiction just simply

unplugging your PlayStation and putting

it in a Cupboard is going to be a nudge

that will encourage you to spend less

time on the PlayStation of of course you

could just take it back out of the

cupboard again and you could just set it

up but the fact that you have to do that

the fact that it's an extra amount of

faf to set up the PlayStation means that

your brain is unlikely to go there in a

moment where you feel like oh I haven't

got any energy it's like in in those

moments we tend to default to the easy

thing rather than doing the hard thing

of uninstalling opal and trying to get

around its app blocking systems and

stuff and you know a few days later she

messed me being like yeah I haven't

scrolled at all it's like great by just

installing a single app which is free

you've just eliminated this like

scourged from your life and you freed up

a lot of your own time now an important

part of feeling as if you're thriving in

life is feeling the sense that you're

continuously learning and that you're

constantly making progress which is

where the sponsor of this video comes in

and that is skillshare if you've been

living under a rock and you haven't yet

heard skillshare is the largest online

learning community for creatives with

thousands of classes led by industry

Pros across film illustration design

freelance productivity and so much more

one of my favorites is actually by my

friend Nathaniel Drew and he's got an

awesome class called how to speak

confidently on camera which is something

I've personally struggled with in the

past back when I first got started with

YouTube videos it's super helpful to

hear from a fellow Creator like

Nathaniel who shares vulnerable and

authentic lessons into how he built his

own confidence while sharing some

tangible steps that anyone can Implement

now I've also personally been teaching

on skillshare since 2019 and I've got

over 10 classes on skillshare myself

I've got three classes that are

specifically about productivity and a

few more about using notion learning

Final Cut Pro starting a YouTube channel

so if you haven't seen those you might

like to check them out skill sh can also

help you level up in your career with

loads of classes around marketing social

media UI and ux being a freelancer and

some side hustle ideas as well so if

you're interested in checking out any of

these classes or anything that

skillshare has to offer then check out

the link in the video description and

the first 500 people to use that link

will get a free one- Monon trial to

skillshare where you can try it out to

your heart's content so thank you so

much skillshare for sponsoring this

video so this was the first thing that

we did we sort of created this bit of a

you know this sense of a routine and I

asked her how would it feel if every day

was sort of like this and she was like

that would feel great and then I was

like okay cool next stage let's define

what does your ideal week look like I've

talked about this in videos in the past

it's unreasonably effective where you

basically just decide Monday Tuesday

Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday

Sunday you kind of repeat this ideal day

exercise but for your ideal week so in

the case of Jane she's sort of like

waking up and walking the dog sort of

let's call this a dog from 8: to 10:00

a.m. pretty much every day um Monday to

Friday was sort of 10: to 1 is sort of

work there's another sort of dog thing

in the evening

every single day and doing the ideal

week exercise helped Jane realize that

actually you know what on Wednesdays in

the evening I would like to do something

with friends great on Saturday afternoon

I'd like to do something with family on

Sunday morning after I've walked the dog

I'd like to do something for myself and

you know I've been really wanting to try

yoga classes okay cool you want to try

yoga classes when do you want to go to

your yoga classes she was like you know

after work on Tuesday and Thursday yoga

would be really cool it's like great

fantastic yoga's going to be really cool

and we just sort of sketched out what

Jane's ideal week would look like and I

sort of asked you know sort of giving

her pointers at each stage being like

okay well what about the gym do you want

to do any weight training she was like

yeah you know I want to do some weight

training it's like when when do you want

to do that oh I guess I could do that

Saturday morning any other times yeah

maybe even Wednesday morning that could

be like weight training after I've

walked the dock and we just sort of

sketched out what does Jane's ideal life

actually look like because when we're

feeling a bit like down in the dumps and

feeling like like life isn't going

anywhere and stuff um again I'm not a

therapist so take this with a pinch of

soul but one of the things that can

really help is just having a compelling

vision of the

future having a compelling vision of the

future to drive towards that helps us

feel like life is actually worth living

and there are actually useful things to

be done now having a compelling vision

of the future is really hard if you feel

like you're stuck you're like well I've

got my job and I've got my debts and

I've got these bills and I've got to

take care of this freaking dog you know

all all of this stuff it can be very

hard to think 10 years ahead 5 years 3

years it can it can be very hard to

think even one year ahead but that's why

I like the daily and the weekly exercise

cuz we can always imagine next week what

would my dream next week look like and

we're not saying things like oh well in

my dream world I'd quit my job and stuff

cuz that's probably not possible right

now we're just thinking you know within

the bounds of what you can feasibly do

in your life what would your ideal week

look like and turns out you can Define

that well I'd like to do this this this

this and that and so when we crafted

Jane's ideal week immediately while

while she was doing the exercise Jane

really poked up she was like yeah I

could do this and I could do this and I

could do this and oh I really want to do

that and that but there's not enough

time for that because you I've tried to

put it put it in this Google Calendar

and I've tried to Define define the

bounds of my IDE week and afterwards we

defined the ideal week and I said to

Jane you know how would you feel if most

weeks of your life you were able to

actually follow this ideal week and she

was like honestly if I could actually

follow this ideal week I'd feel a lot

happier than I currently am and that was

like great fantastic what we've just

done there is we have defined where we

want to get to this is the ideal week

this is our ideal week that's possible

to get to within a couple of weeks not

the ideal week where you quit your job

and your life circumstances drastically

change and looking at Jane's calendar

and life sort of a is your current state

and so at this point all we need to do

is figure out okay well what's the path

to get from A to B and we're going to

talk about that but before we do I want

to cite something from a really good

book called designing your life by Bill

Bernard and Dave Dave Evans in the first

chapter I have a really good concept

start where you

are what the hell does that mean

basically it would be very easy for Jane

to think that unless I'm at my ideal

week destination that is how I become

happy but actually that is something

called the arrival fallacy which which

is a psychological thing that happens

where there is this belief that we have

that when we arrive at a particular

destination that is magically going to

be where we're happy or where good

things suddenly start to happen and

broadly it's a fallacy because it's not

true um because if you are unhappy in

your current

circumstances chances are you're also

going to be unhappy in your ideal

circumstances obviously we can remove

stresses and we can remove stuff that's

causing pain and that obviously

increases people's happiness but really

what we want to do is we firstly want to

accept you want to accept where you

currently are and try and approach it in

a very kind of non-judgmental kind of

way not like oh I'm about to turn age X

and I feel like I'm falling behind and

all this sort of stuff it's like

wherever you are is where you are what

your life currently is is what your life

currently is like that is just the state

of the world those are just the facts

and the extra story we add to those

facts is what causes the misery this is

not original this is from stoicism and

pretty much every other school of

philosophy that it's the Stories We Tell

ourselves about the facts that lead to

our misery not the facts themselves so

maybe Jane's current calendar looks like

you know a show and her ideal week

is like way nicer but that's okay you

know the fact of the fact what what

Jane's calendar currently is and how

Jane is spending her time is the state

of the world is the State of Affairs and

so accepting that and recognizing yeah

this is where I am and that is okay that

doesn't mean that she's not going to

have the drive to improve or change the

circumstances but it does mean that she

can do that without feeling this

kind of burden of guilt and shame at

every step of the journey like guilt and

shame these burdens it's it's sort of

like you're starting at Point a you're

trying to get to point B and you're

wearing this very very very heavy

backpack and you're lugging all this

extra weight around every single step

you take on this journey is being

weighed down with the guilt and shame of

being mean to yourself telling yourself

that you suck telling yourself that

you're a loser telling yourself that

you're falling behind all your friends

and that you're you know all of this

stuff but a lot of people who are not

even who are not clinically depressed a

lot of us walk around with some some

amount of rocks in this backpack rocks

that weigh us down that we didn't do the

thing well enough we didn't travel far

enough we didn't we're not making enough

money we're not doing enough whatever

the thing is the point that bill burn

and Dave Evans make in the book is

firstly accept where your starting point

is recognize that yes we're trying to

get to a particular destination but also

as we're getting there the goal is to

enjoy the journey along the way

oh by the way if you're enjoying this

video so far you might like to check out

my completely free 20 lessons I learned

in my 20 email course this is 5 days

worth of emails you can click the link

in the video description you enter your

email address and then it will and then

I'll send you an email every day for 5

days and each email will have four

different life lessons that have been

taken from my experiences and my life

over the last like 10 years um so if

you're interested in that check it out 5

days of emails you can unsubscribe

anytime it's completely free never going

to sell your data all of that stuff but

that's linked down below all right I'm

going to pause on this one for a bit cuz

I actually have to go somewhere but I

will be right back all right so it's

actually a few days later I've just come

back from the gym so I'm a little bit

grimy but I really wanted to finish off

this video because I feel like we've got

a bit of a journey here with Jane so

where do we go from here how do we then

change our life from a where we are

right now to B where we would ideally

like to be now whenever I have these

sorts of conversations there is a little

a little action step Mantra that I like

to say which is one

small one big one small one big and this

is in terms of like action

steps and so the question I I'll often

ask to people and I stole this idea from

Tony Robbins cuz I think it's a good

idea is what is one small and one big

action step that you could take right

now or what is one small and one big

action step that you could take this

week to help you go one step along that

path because we've got this path right

this path from A to B and the goal is to

Simply make changes to our life one step

at a time even that can feel

overwhelming and so we need a place to

start which is why I generally say one

small and one big now in the case of

Jane as we've already talked about this

one small step was simply downloading an

app to block distractions and that was

the one small step Jane took to

essentially block the fact that she was

scrolling in the morning and scrolling

in the evening and now she no longer

Scrolls in the morning and evening

because she has added friction to the

process and I think part of the reason

to start out with a small thing is

because small actions create

momentum if you try and change your life

with big steps at a time it can often

espe for some people that works you know

like I like changing my life with like

big picture changes but let's say this

is sort of your Baseline where you feel

like yeah life's kind of reasonably good

right let's call this the

Baseline and then you've got above the

Baseline which is amazing I freaking

love my life life is fantastic but then

you have below the Baseline which is

overwhelmed miserable Etc I'm not saying

Jane was down here but she was probably

like she was probably sort of somewhere

below Baseline now generally when it

comes to life advice the things that

take you from below Baseline to Baseline

these are actually different from the

things that take you from Baseline to

thriving so this is X and this is y and

this category of advice is often

confused with this category of advice

and we really need to understand what

area we are with the advice so generally

what I recommend is that if you're below

Baseline it is often easier to take very

small steps if you feel like you're

below Baseline where your life is not

even reasonably good we want to start

with small steps we don't want to

overwhelm you with trying to do too much

stuff if you're looking at this sort of

advice you know the stuff you get from

Baseline to amazing if I know someone is

at Baseline and they want to get to

amazing I wouldn't be asking them hey

what's your dream ideal week next week

I'd be asking them way bigger picture

questions like where do you want your

life to go what would you like written

on your gravestone what would you want

your orbituary to say what would you

like people to say at your funeral what

are some big dreams that you might

accomplish in the next 10 years and that

really encourages people to think very

big this is thinking huge at at any of

these stages it's still fairly small

steps that you have to take but

generally when someone's below Baseline

trying to get them to think big at least

in my experience when I've tried to

tried to run this procedure with people

trying to get someone below Baseline to

think really big about where the life is

going and to take big action tends to

just make them feel overwhelmed and even

more stressed which is why I'm

emphasizing this idea of figure out what

is the smallest step that you could

possibly take because small steps

generate momentum and if someone feels

like they're below Baseline chances are

your confidence is quite low there's a

concept that I talk about in my B feel

good productivity there's a there was a

psychologist called Albert bandora who

coined this idea of self-efficacy

self-efficacy is basically a fancy way

of saying confidence or self-confidence

or self-esteem and if you feel like

you're below Baseline where your life is

not reasonably good you probably have

fairly low levels of self-confidence

fairly low levels of self-efficacy

fairly low levels of this sense of

autonomy a sense of agency a sense of I

have control over my life because these

are the sorts of things that take you to

Baseline and and above if you're in that

position the momentum you get from

making tiny changes and experiencing

these tiny winds generates a large

amount of motivation so momentum leads

to motivation not the other way around

it's not that motivation leads to

momentum it's like you do something

small you feel a win and then that makes

you more motivated to take another step

and then you get this virtuous cycle of

motivation that continues and over time

you can start taking bigger and bigger

and bigger steps and the reason I'm

emphasizing this point is because I

think if you're here it is the wrong

idea to take advice from people who are

saying hey suddenly start waking up at

4:00 a.m. it's a pretty big change I

really struggled with it or hey suddenly

start doing this big thing we want to

start small generate momentum that

creates motivation that creates a

virtuous cycle that allows us to make

these changes in our life so that's why

we're starting small simply by

downloading the app when you download

the app and set it up you feel a little

bit of a boost of dop me and you're like

oo I succeeded maybe I do have selfworth

maybe I am worth something you know all

that kind of stuff and that is very good

so we got Jane to download this app now

once we've done that and we've

experienced a little bit of this sense

of uh this sense of momentum I then like

to sort of turn it around and ask okay

what is one big action point that you

could take and by big what I mean by

that is essentially what is a keystone

action that you could take or a keystone

habit James Clay talks about these in

atomic habits very good book a keystone

habit is essentially the one habit that

if you do that thing then a bunch of

other things take care of themselves a

bunch of it's like the first Domino if

that Domino goes down this is a terrible

diagram but then lots lots of other

dominoes will fall so for example a

keystone habit might be that as soon as

you get home from work you change into

your workout clothes that's a good

Keystone habit because now that you've

changed into your workout clothes you

are more likely to then go to the gym if

you've gone to the gym you're more

likely to then eat healthier if you eat

healthier you're more likely to have

more energy you're more likely sleep on

time and so a lot of good things happen

by just identifying this Keystone habit

of hey I'm just going to put on my

workout clothing when I get home from

work in Jane's case we talked about how

one of the Keystone habits could

potentially be forcing herself to wake

up slightly earlier so instead of waking

up at 8:30 or whenever she felt like it

instead trying to wake up at let's say

7: a.m. because if you can force

yourself to wake up at 7:00 a.m. that

becomes kind of a keystone habit because

because if you try and wake up at 7:00

a.m. but you slept at like 2: a.m.

because you've been scrolling or you've

been watching YouTube videos or whatever

you'll feel pretty grim and if you're

force yourself to wake up at 7:00 a.m.

every day you'll eventually realize that

you don't like the feeling of grimness

and so you'll automatically start sort

of going to bed earlier and going to bed

on time now you're going to bed on time

cool if you force yourself to wake up at

7:00 a.m. and now you're going to bed on

time you then have more energy in the

rest of the day to do sensible things if

your work let's say starts at 9:00 or 10

it means if you wake up at 7:00 you

actually have 2 or 3 hours to yourself

in the morning where you can do selfcare

or you can work on personal projects and

you can feel as if rather than just this

vicious cycle of I go to my day job I

get home I eat I go to my day job I get

home I I eat which is sort of like a

vicious cycle we can all find ourselves

into from from time to time by creating

that extra space for yourself you can

actually start taking care of yourself

you can start thinking of yourself as

someone who is worth taking care of and

that extra confidence the fact that

you're taking care of yourself maybe

you're going to the gym maybe you're

eating a little bit healthier maybe

you're doing your personal projects that

will then bleed into every other area of

your life and will have this sort of

Keystone domino effect of making other

good things happen the other thing we

identified in Jane's case is that she

doesn't eat particularly well because

there's not enough time to cook and then

or just takeway and then the takeway

sucks and so the action point that we

did in the course of the 1hour

conversation I had with her is that we

just got started a weekly delivery of

these those sort of healthy packaged

meals that just get delivered to your

house once a week so that Jane's diet

was put on autopilot this is something I

I swear by I now have these like ready

meal healthy thingies the good macros

like 600 calories 50 grams of protein

per meal and it ends up costing a lot

less than the takeaway habit would have

done otherwise I feel more energized I'm

eating healthier and the healthy eating

then again becomes a keystone habit that

bleeds into other areas of my life

because if I've eaten healthily then I

feel better about myself if I've eaten

healthily I get more energy if I've

eaten healthily I'll feel I'll feel you

know what I might as well go to the gym

if I eat healthily I'm less likely to

over dinner want to indulge myself in

loads of fries or like a massive dessert

because I've eaten healthily it's sort

of like this Halo habit that creates a

halo around my day that helps boost my

own self-confidence and helps nudge me

towards healthier behaviors in the

future as well so this was the

conversation I had with Jane she found

it super helpful she managed to make

that big change and that small change to

her life and the next thing I'm going to

do with Jane once she feels like she's a

bit closer to Baseline is I'm going to

run her through a bunch of these my

favorite journaling prompts around how

to figure out what to do with your life

and I actually have a completely free

three-part playlist linked right over

there which is all about how to figure

out where your life is going in the long

term how to turn that into medium-term

goals and how to turn that into action

steps so if you've gotten to this point

in the video you might like to check out

that series and you might like to try

out some of the exercises there anyway

thank you very much for watching I hope

you got some value out of this video and

I'll see you hopefully in the next one

bye-bye