Wentworth Millerʼs complete speech - His coming out (sub eng)

Summary

In this heartfelt speech, the speaker reflects on their journey from a life of survival and isolation to embracing the power of community. Initially hesitant to accept the concept of 'community' due to their mixed-race background and being gay, they recount their struggles with identity and the fear of coming out publicly. The speaker's life took a turn when joining a men's group, which introduced them to the idea of brotherhood and community. Through this, they became an advocate for the Human Rights Campaign and used their platform to support LGBT rights, particularly in Russia. The speech emphasizes the importance of community and the message of hope and support for those who feel alone, encouraging the audience to continue spreading this message globally.

Takeaways

• 🙌 The speaker expresses gratitude to the Human Rights Campaign for their significant global impact on human rights.
• 🏳️‍🌈 The speaker acknowledges their complicated relationship with the concept of 'community' and their journey towards embracing it.
• 🌈 The speaker identifies as a mixed-race, gay individual who has faced challenges in feeling a part of a larger community.
• 🌍 The speaker discusses their international career and the opportunities they had to publicly come out as gay but chose not to, prioritizing career over personal truth.
• 😔 The speaker shares their internal struggle with fear, anger, and resistance when considering the impact of coming out on their career.
• 💔 The speaker reflects on their childhood and the feeling of being alone, different, and the first attempt at suicide at the age of 15.
• 🔑 The speaker talks about the importance of the word 'us' and 'we' and the realization that they were not alone in their struggles.
• 🤝 In 2012, the speaker joined a men's group, the Mankind Project, which introduced them to the concepts of brotherhood, sisterhood, and community.
• 📝 The speaker shares their decision to decline an invitation to the St. Petersburg International Film Festival and the importance of using their voice to support the LGBT community.
• 🌟 The speaker emphasizes the importance of sending a message of support and love to those who feel alone, targeted, or different, highlighting the power of community.

Q & A

What is the speaker's relationship with the word 'community'?

The speaker has had a complicated relationship with the word 'community', being slow to embrace it and hesitant due to their mixed-race background, being gay, and not being born in the country where they grew up.

Why did the speaker initially struggle to see themselves as part of a larger community?

The speaker struggled because they grew up in survival mode, focusing on getting through each day without considering concepts like community or belonging.

What was the speaker's experience like growing up?

The speaker grew up feeling different and alone, being a target for various reasons such as the way they spoke, stood, or held their wrist, which led to emotional, psychological, and physical consequences.

At what age did the speaker first attempt suicide?

The speaker first attempted suicide at the age of 15.

What was the speaker's professional status at the age of 33?

At 33, the speaker was working on a successful TV show that was popular not only in the United States but also abroad.

Why did the speaker choose not to publicly come out as gay during their professional career?

The speaker chose not to publicly come out due to fear of how it might impact their career and personal life, as well as a stubborn resistance built up over the years.

What changed for the speaker in 2011 that led them to reconsider their beliefs and priorities?

In 2011, the speaker decided to walk away from acting and many of the things they previously believed were important, which led to a reevaluation of their values and priorities.

What organization did the speaker join in 2012 that introduced them to new concepts of community and brotherhood?

The speaker joined a men's group called the Mankind Project in 2012.

How did the speaker's involvement with the Mankind Project lead to their support for the Human Rights Campaign?

The speaker's involvement with the Mankind Project introduced them to the concepts of community and brotherhood, which in turn led them to become a member and proud supporter of the Human Rights Campaign.

What action did the speaker take in response to an invitation from the St. Petersburg International Film Festival?

The speaker drafted a letter declining the invitation from the St. Petersburg International Film Festival, choosing to speak their truth and integrate their story into a larger narrative.

What message does the speaker hope to send to others who might be feeling alone or targeted?

The speaker hopes to send a message of support and love, letting others know that there is an 'us' and 'we', and that they are not alone.

Outlines

00:00

🙏 Embracing Community and Identity

The speaker expresses gratitude to the Human Rights Campaign for their significant work in promoting equality and acknowledges the honor of being part of the community. They reflect on their complicated relationship with the concept of 'community' due to their mixed-race background, being gay, and not being born in the country. The speaker discusses their struggle with identity and the feeling of being an outsider, which persisted into adulthood. Despite achieving success in their career, they chose to remain in the closet publicly due to fear and the belief that they had built their career alone. This decision was influenced by a fear of the potential impact on their career and a stubborn resistance rooted in years of feeling different and alone.

05:01

🌟 Overcoming Personal Struggles and Advocacy

The speaker recounts their difficult childhood, marked by feelings of being a target and the constant pressure to conform to societal norms. These experiences led to a suicide attempt at the age of 15, driven by a deep sense of loneliness and a lack of belief in help or rescue. Fast forward to 2011, the speaker decided to leave acting, which led to a period of introspection and a search for meaning. In 2012, they joined the Mankind Project, which introduced them to the concepts of brotherhood, sisterhood, and community. This experience was transformative, leading them to become a proud supporter of the Human Rights Campaign and to learn about the plight of LGBT individuals in Russia. The speaker shares their decision to decline an invitation to the St. Petersburg International Film Festival as a form of protest, highlighting the importance of standing up for one's truth and integrating personal stories into larger narratives to effect change and provide hope to others who may feel alone.

10:01

🌍 Spreading the Message of Unity and Support

In the final paragraph, the speaker emphasizes the importance of repeatedly sending a message of unity, support, and love to ensure it reaches everyone, not just in Washington State or across the country, but around the world. They express gratitude for the opportunity to share their story and to continue advocating for equality and acceptance. The speaker's journey from feeling isolated and alone to becoming an advocate for change and a part of a supportive community serves as a powerful testament to the transformative power of connection and the importance of standing together against injustice.

Keywords

💡Human Rights Campaign

The Human Rights Campaign is a prominent American non-profit organization that advocates for LGBTQ+ rights. In the video, the speaker expresses gratitude for the organization's work and acknowledges its global impact. The speaker also identifies as a member of the community that the organization supports, highlighting the HRC's role in fostering a sense of community and advocacy for marginalized groups.

💡Community

Community refers to a group of people who share common interests, values, or backgrounds. In the context of the video, the speaker initially struggled with the concept of community due to personal challenges and a history of feeling isolated. However, through involvement with the Human Rights Campaign and a men's group, the speaker eventually embraced the idea of community, recognizing its importance for support, strength, and belonging.

💡Survival Mode

Survival mode is a psychological state where an individual's primary focus is on immediate survival, often at the expense of long-term goals or social connections. The speaker describes growing up in survival mode, which left little room for concepts like community and self-acceptance. This term is pivotal in understanding the speaker's early life struggles and the emotional barriers they faced.

💡Mixed-Race Background

A mixed-race background refers to an individual having ancestry from more than one racial or ethnic group. The speaker mentions their mixed-race background as one of the factors contributing to their feelings of isolation and difficulty in identifying with a community. This aspect of the speaker's identity is integral to the narrative of overcoming personal challenges and finding a sense of belonging.

💡Gay

The term gay refers to a person who is attracted romantically, emotionally, or sexually to members of the same sex. The speaker openly identifies as gay, which is central to the video's theme of self-acceptance and advocacy for LGBTQ+ rights. The speaker's journey of coming to terms with their sexuality and publicly acknowledging it is a significant part of their personal growth and advocacy work.

💡Fear

Fear is an emotional response to perceived threats or danger. In the video, the speaker discusses the fear that prevented them from publicly acknowledging their sexuality during their acting career. This fear was tied to concerns about the potential impact on their personal life and professional success, illustrating the internal conflict faced by many LGBTQ+ individuals in the public eye.

💡Integrity

Integrity refers to the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. The speaker chose integrity over publicly coming out, meaning they prioritized being true to themselves over the potential benefits of publicly identifying as gay. This decision reflects the speaker's values and the difficult choices they had to make between personal authenticity and public perception.

💡Mankind Project

The Mankind Project is an international non-profit organization focused on personal development and community building for men. The speaker joined this group, which introduced them to new concepts of community and brotherhood. This experience was transformative for the speaker, as it helped them embrace the idea of 'us' and 'we' and become a proud supporter of the Human Rights Campaign.

💡LGBT Persecution

LGBT persecution refers to the systematic mistreatment or discrimination against individuals based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. The speaker learned about the persecution of LGBT individuals in Russia through their community involvement and felt compelled to take action. This term highlights the broader social issues that the speaker became aware of and engaged with, leading to advocacy and activism.

💡Role Model

A role model is a person who serves as an example, ideal, or inspiration for others. Initially, the speaker was resistant to the idea of being a role model for others, especially for young people they had never met. However, through their journey, they came to understand the importance of visibility and representation, ultimately deciding to use their platform to inspire and support others.

💡Isolation

Isolation refers to the state of being alone or separated from others. The speaker describes feeling isolated during their youth, which was exacerbated by their struggles with identity and acceptance. This sense of isolation is a key theme in the video, as it contrasts with the later discovery of community and the support it provides.

Highlights

Personal thanks to the Human Rights Campaign for their critical, life-changing work worldwide.

Acknowledgment of being a member of the community and the privilege to be present.

A complicated relationship with the concept of 'community' and a hesitancy to embrace it.

A mixed-race background, being gay, and the challenges of seeing oneself as part of a larger whole.

Growing up in 'survival mode' with a focus on getting through each day.

The struggle with the words 'us' and 'we' and the feeling of being singular and different.

A successful TV show career that led to international travel and interviews.

Choosing to remain private about being gay in public despite opportunities to speak out.

The fear and anger that came with the thought of coming out and its potential impact on the career.

The realization of the importance of being a role model and the impact it could have on others.

A history of feeling like a target and the price paid for not meeting societal standards.

A suicide attempt at the age of 15 due to feelings of loneliness and a lack of support.

The decision to leave acting and reevaluate personal beliefs and values.

Joining the Mankind Project and the introduction to the concepts of 'us' and 'we'.

Becoming a supporter of the Human Rights Campaign and learning about LGBT persecution in Russia.

Drafting a letter to decline an invitation to the St. Petersburg International Film Festival as a stand for truth.

The importance of sending a message of support and community to those who feel alone.

Gratitude to the Human Rights Campaign for providing a platform to share personal stories and messages.

Transcripts

[Music]

[Applause]

thank you first and foremost I want to

personally thank the Human Rights

Campaign for the incredible work that

they've done in the work they continue

to do not only here in Washington State

but across the country and around the

world as we all know this work is

critical it's life-changing it's

life-saving it is my great honor and

privilege to be here tonight to count

myself a member of this community

[Music]

[Applause]

it is also something of a surprise I've

had a complicated relationship with that

word community

I've been slow to embrace it I've been

I've been hesitant

I've been doubtful for many years I

could not or would not accept that there

was anything in that word for someone

like me like connection and support

strength warmth and there are reasons

for that

I wasn't born in this country I didn't

grow up in any one particular religion I

have a mixed-race background and I'm gay

[Applause]

really

it's just your typical all-american boy

next door

it has been natural to see myself as an

individual it's been a challenge to

imagine that self as part of something

larger like many of you here tonight

I grew up in what I would call survival

when you're in survival mode your focus

is on getting through the day in one

piece and when you're in that mode at

five at ten at 15

there isn't a lot of space for words

like community

[Music]

for words like us

[Music]

there's only space for eye

[Music]

in fact words like us and we not only

sounded foreign to me at 5 and 10 and 15

they sounded like a lie because if us

and we really existed if there was

really someone out there watching and

listening and caring and I would have

been rescued

[Music]

that feeling of being singular and

different alone carried over into my 20s

that's my thirties when I was 33 I

started working on a TV show that was

successful not only here in the states

but also abroad which meant over the

next four years I was traveling to Asia

to the Middle East to Europe and

everywhere in between and in that time I

gave thousands of interviews

[Music]

I had multiple opportunities to speak my

truth which is that I was gay

but I chose not to

I was out privately to family and

friends to the people I'd learned to

trust over time but professionally

publicly I was not

[Music]

asked to choose between being out of

integrity and out of the closet I chose

the former I chose to lie I chose to

dissemble

because when I thought about the

possibility of coming out about how that

might impact me and the career I'd

worked so hard for I was filled with

fear fear and anger and a stubborn

resistance that had built up over many

years when I thought about that kid

somewhere out there who might be

inspired or moved by me taking a stand

and speaking my truth my mental response

was consistently no thank you

I thought I've spent over a decade

building this career alone

by myself

and from a certain point of view

it's all I have

but now I'm supposed to put that at risk

to be a role model to someone I've never

met who I'm not even sure exists I

didn't make any sense to me

that did not resonate

at the time

also like many of you here tonight

growing up I was a target speaking the

right way standing the right way holding

your wrist the right way every day was a

test and there were a thousand ways to

fail a thousand ways to betray yourself

to not live up to someone else's

standard of what was acceptable of what

was normal

and when you failed the test which was

guaranteed there was a price to pay

emotional

psychological

physical

and like many of you I paid that price

more than once in a variety of ways

[Music]

the first time I tried to kill myself I

was 15

I waited until my family went away for

the weekend and I was alone in the house

and I swallowed a bottle of pills

[Music]

I don't remember what happened over the

next couple of days but I'm pretty sure

come Monday morning I was on the bus

back to school

pretending everything's fine

[Music]

and when someone asked me if that was a

cry for help I say no because I told no

one

you only cry for help if you believe

there's help to cry

[Music]

and I didn't

I wanted out I wanted gone at 15

I and me can be a lonely place

and it will only get you so far

[Music]

but 2011 I've made the decision to walk

away from acting and many of the things

I previously believed is so important to

me and after I'd given up the scripts

and the sets which I dreamed of as a

child and the resulting attention and

scrutiny which I had not dreamed of as a

child the only thing I was left with was

what I had when I started I mean and it

was not enough

in 2012 I joined a men's group called

the mankind project which is a men's

group for all men and was introduced to

the still foreign and still potentially

threatening concepts of us and we to the

idea of Brotherhood sisterhood and

community and it was via that community

that I became a member and proud

supporter of the Human Rights Campaign

and it was via this community that I

learned more about the persecution of my

LGBT brothers and sisters in Russia

several weeks ago

when I was drafting my letter to the st.

Petersburg International Film Festival

declining their invitation to attend a

small nagging voice in my head insisted

that no one would notice that no one was

watching or listening or caring but this

time finally I knew that voice was wrong

I thought if even one person notices

this letter in which I speak my truth

and integrate my small story into a much

larger and more important one is worth

sending I thought let me be to someone

else what no one was to me let me send a

message to that kid maybe in America

maybe someplace far overseas maybe

somewhere deep inside a kid who's being

targeted at home or at school or in the

streets that someone is watching and

listening and caring that there is an us

that there is a we and that kid or

teenager or adult is loved and they are

not alone

I am deeply grateful to the Human Rights

Campaign for giving me and others like

me the opportunity and the platform and

the imperative to tell my story to

continue sending that message because it

needs to be sent over and over again

until it's been heard and received and

embraced not just here in Washington

State not just across the country but

around the world and then back again

just in case just in case we miss

someone thank you

[Applause]

you

[Applause]