Child Temperament: How We Start to Become Ourselves | David C Rettew | TEDxBurlingtonED

Summary

The speaker discusses the concept of children's temperament and how it shapes their behavior, explaining that both nature (genetics) and nurture (environment) play significant roles. Parents often wonder why siblings can have vastly different temperaments despite similar upbringings. The talk emphasizes the idea of 'override' moments, where parents need to deliberately choose responses that may feel unnatural to improve their child's development. It highlights the importance of 'goodness of fit' between a child's temperament and their environment, and offers strategies for parenting more effectively, with an emphasis on flexibility and self-awareness.

Takeaways

• 😊 Temperament and personality traits in children vary widely, with some being more anxious or irritable, while others are more outgoing and happy.
• 🧬 Genetics play a significant role in child temperament, contributing about 50-60%, but environmental factors also matter greatly.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Despite growing up in the same household, children can be vastly different due to how they interact with their environment and genetic predispositions.
• 🌦️ Children can create their own 'weather'—their temperamental traits influence how the world reacts to them, reinforcing or exacerbating certain behaviors.
• 🧠 Parents may need to 'override' their natural instincts when dealing with difficult temperaments to foster better outcomes for their children.
• 🎶 The 'Goodness of Fit' theory suggests that a child's temperament isn't inherently good or bad, but success depends on how well the environment suits the child.
• ⚖️ Parents can either adapt the child to the environment or modify the environment to fit the child. Sometimes, stepping back and letting the child interact with the world on their own can also be effective.
• 🤔 Humility is essential for parents and mental health professionals, acknowledging that there is no perfect way to raise a child, and each family must find its own path.
• 🎻 A child’s temperament is like the key in a piece of music—it sets a tone but leaves endless possibilities for what that 'song' will sound like in the future.
• 🙌 Parenting is a continuous learning process without a strict manual, where trust, patience, and adaptation are key to helping children grow.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the talk?

The main topic of the talk is child temperament and personality, including how it develops and what parents can do to better manage different temperaments.

What does the speaker mean by 'temperament'?

Temperament refers to the natural traits of a child, such as being anxious, outgoing, irritable, or calm. These traits make up the child's personality and influence how they interact with their environment.

How much of a child's temperament is influenced by genetics?

Approximately 50-60% of a child's temperament is influenced by genetics, according to twin studies.

What role does the environment play in shaping a child's temperament?

The environment plays a significant role in shaping a child's temperament, as it interacts with genetic influences. It can either reinforce or help modify a child's natural traits.

What is 'evocative gene environment correlation'?

'Evocative gene environment correlation' refers to the idea that a child's environment is influenced by their genetically driven behavior, meaning that a child's traits can evoke certain responses from their environment, which then shapes their development further.

What metaphor does the speaker use to explain how children influence their environment?

The speaker uses the metaphor of mountains creating their own weather to explain how children, based on their temperament, can influence the environment around them.

What is the concept of 'override' as it relates to parenting?

The concept of 'override' involves parents recognizing moments when their natural reaction might worsen a situation and instead taking a deliberate step in a different direction to avoid escalating negative behavior.

What is the 'Goodness of Fit' theory?

The 'Goodness of Fit' theory suggests that temperament traits are neither inherently good nor bad; their impact depends on how well they fit with the environment. A good fit makes traits adaptive, while a poor fit may lead to challenges.

What are the three strategies the speaker suggests for improving the fit between a child's temperament and their environment?

The three strategies are: changing the child to fit the environment, changing the environment to fit the child, and sometimes backing off and allowing the child to interact with the world on their own terms.

How does the speaker compare parenting to music?

The speaker compares temperament to a musical key, suggesting that while the key (temperament) remains constant, the possibilities for what the final piece of music (the child's development) will sound like are endless, emphasizing the uniqueness and flexibility in raising children.