五個方法讓你不再精神內耗!

松明講心理
19 Apr 202415:07

Summary

TLDRThe video discusses the concept of 'mental exhaustion' and how it affects people's lives. It identifies three primary sources: constant comparison with others, setting unrealistically high expectations, and negative cognitive patterns. The speaker provides five practical methods to overcome mental exhaustion, including adjusting one’s mindset, taking actionable steps, setting time limits on emotional distress, distancing oneself from negative influences, and expressing emotions to reduce their impact. By shifting perceptions and accepting imperfections, individuals can find relief from mental fatigue and lead more balanced lives.

Takeaways

  • 🧠 Mental exhaustion stems from replaying outcomes in your mind before they even happen.
  • ⚖️ People often overextend their energy on internal struggles and comparisons, leading to burnout.
  • 📈 Constantly comparing yourself to others' success can increase anxiety and hinder your own progress.
  • 👁️ External validation and the fear of judgment are major contributors to mental strain.
  • 🔄 Shifting your perspective on events can alleviate stress, as your thoughts, not the events themselves, create negative emotions.
  • 📊 Simplifying goals with a binary approach (success vs. failure) can help eliminate procrastination and fear.
  • ⏳ Setting a time limit on how long you allow yourself to dwell on something can create a mental break from self-sabotage.
  • 🙅‍♂️ Reducing interactions with overly critical or negative people can lessen mental fatigue.
  • 💬 Verbalizing your thoughts and feelings, whether to a friend or publicly, can help reduce internal conflict.
  • 💡 Understanding that perfection isn't required helps relieve pressure and diminishes feelings of inadequacy.

Q & A

  • What is the main cause of mental exhaustion mentioned in the script?

    -The main cause of mental exhaustion is overthinking and spending too much energy on psychological friction, such as worrying about external judgments or comparing oneself to others.

  • How does comparing oneself to others contribute to mental exhaustion?

    -Comparison leads to mental exhaustion because it amplifies feelings of inadequacy when one sees others succeeding, especially when those individuals had similar starting points. This creates anxiety and frustration, as people tend to expect more from themselves than they are currently capable of.

  • What is one cognitive approach to managing mental exhaustion?

    -One cognitive approach is to change your perspective on situations. Instead of assuming negative intentions when, for example, someone doesn't respond to a message, you could believe that they are simply busy, which reduces emotional distress.

  • What is the 'binary thinking method' and how does it help in reducing mental exhaustion?

    -The 'binary thinking method' simplifies decisions into two options: success or failure. For example, starting a conversation or running a short distance becomes a clear success, eliminating overthinking and excuses, and helping to overcome procrastination.

  • How does setting a time limit for mental exhaustion help manage it?

    -Setting a time limit for experiencing mental exhaustion allows you to acknowledge and process emotions for a set period, after which you consciously decide to move on, creating space to reduce anxiety and internal conflict.

  • Why is it important to distance oneself from people who fuel mental exhaustion?

    -It's crucial to distance oneself from individuals who constantly criticize or invalidate your thoughts because they increase self-doubt and perpetuate negative thought cycles. Removing these influences helps preserve emotional energy.

  • What role does self-expression play in overcoming mental exhaustion?

    -Self-expression, such as sharing feelings with friends or writing them down, helps alleviate mental exhaustion by making emotions visible, thus reducing their intensity and allowing for healing.

  • How can changing one's inner perception alter external experiences?

    -Changing your internal perception can lead to a shift in how you experience the outside world. When you adjust your mindset to accept situations rather than resist them, external problems often appear less overwhelming.

  • Why is it essential to accept the possibility that not everyone will like you?

    -Accepting that not everyone will like you reduces mental exhaustion by removing the need to meet everyone's expectations. This acceptance allows you to focus on your own well-being rather than external validation.

  • What is the relationship between overthinking and a lack of action?

    -Overthinking often leads to inaction because individuals become trapped in mental loops of fear and doubt. Simplifying decisions and taking small actions can help break this cycle and reduce mental exhaustion.

Outlines

00:00

💡 Understanding the Sources of Mental Exhaustion

The first paragraph explores the concept of mental exhaustion, explaining how people often spend their energy on internal psychological struggles rather than productive activities. The speaker identifies three main sources of this mental strain: societal comparisons, personal ambitions that exceed one’s abilities, and misunderstandings in relationships. It delves into how external evaluations from teachers, colleagues, or friends can lead to self-doubt and stress, emphasizing that most internal struggles stem from one's interpretation of external events. The importance of understanding the root causes of mental exhaustion is highlighted as the first step towards overcoming it.

05:00

🧠 Adjusting Perceptions to Combat Inner Struggles

In this paragraph, the speaker introduces methods for adjusting one’s perception to alleviate mental exhaustion. It stresses the importance of recognizing when negative thoughts recur and advises taking a step back to understand underlying emotions. By allowing oneself to accept all possibilities, it becomes easier to manage the unexpected without creating additional stress. The text also introduces the concept of binary thinking, which encourages simplifying actions into basic decisions (yes/no) to overcome procrastination. This approach helps individuals break down larger goals into manageable steps, thereby promoting action and reducing internal conflict.

10:14

⏳ The Time-Limited Approach to Pain and Self-Reflection

This section discusses setting a defined time frame for experiencing pain and mental exhaustion. It suggests asking oneself how long they are willing to endure suffering, prompting a shift in perspective that gradually eases the pain. By setting a specific deadline for internal struggles, individuals can create mental space to process their feelings, eventually moving past their self-imposed limitations. The paragraph underscores the importance of allowing oneself to feel negative emotions but also emphasizes the need to consciously stop the cycle of self-pity once the time frame ends, encouraging resilience and growth.

🚶‍♀️ Distancing from Toxic Influences and Embracing Self-Acceptance

In this paragraph, the speaker encourages readers to identify and distance themselves from people who contribute to their mental exhaustion. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing individuals who criticize, suppress, or invalidate one's ideas. By detaching from such toxic influences, one can significantly reduce internal conflicts. The concept of 'separating tasks' is introduced, suggesting that others' opinions belong to them and shouldn't dictate one’s self-worth. By accepting that it’s okay to be disliked by others, one frees themselves from unnecessary burdens, focusing on their path and goals without being weighed down by external judgments.

🎤 The Power of Expressing Your Inner Turmoil

The final paragraph advocates for the therapeutic effect of expressing one's inner turmoil. It suggests that openly talking about one’s struggles, whether with friends or in public forums, can diminish the intensity of mental exhaustion. In psychology, verbalizing problems is known to bring healing, as it helps transform subconscious worries into conscious awareness. By externalizing internal conflicts, individuals can find relief and gain a clearer perspective. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of accepting imperfections, embracing mistakes as part of human experience, and understanding that self-worth is not defined by others’ opinions. The paragraph concludes with a reminder that altering one’s mindset can lead to changes in the external environment, gradually reducing negative experiences.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Mental Internal Conflict

Mental internal conflict refers to the psychological friction that drains a person’s energy, often caused by overthinking and excessive concern with external opinions or hypothetical outcomes. In the video, this is discussed as a major source of energy depletion, preventing individuals from focusing on important tasks.

💡Comparison

Comparison is the act of measuring oneself against others, such as through social status, financial success, or achievements. The video highlights how constant comparison, whether in school or in the workplace, leads to feelings of inadequacy and mental internal conflict, fueling stress and anxiety.

💡Expectations

Expectations refer to the often unrealistic goals individuals set for themselves, which can exceed their actual abilities. In the video, unmet expectations are a key source of internal conflict, causing individuals to feel disappointed and trapped in cycles of frustration.

💡External Validation

External validation is the need for approval and recognition from others. The video explains how this need can lead to internal conflict, as people become overly affected by others’ opinions and judgments, dedicating too much mental energy to gaining validation.

💡Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is a form of psychotherapy that addresses how people’s thoughts influence their emotions and behaviors. The video touches on CBT concepts by explaining how negative emotions are often driven by distorted thinking, such as assuming others’ intentions based on incomplete information, which leads to emotional distress.

💡Binary Thinking

Binary thinking is a simplified way of decision-making where actions are reduced to success or failure. The video promotes this mindset as a method to overcome procrastination and fear of failure, emphasizing that even small actions count as success, which can reduce internal conflict and boost productivity.

💡Time-Limited Suffering

Time-limited suffering is the practice of setting a deadline for one's mental distress or self-inflicted emotional punishment. The video suggests that giving oneself a finite amount of time to experience negative emotions can help people move on from internal conflict and focus on progress.

💡Distancing from Negative Influences

This concept refers to the practice of distancing oneself from individuals or situations that cause mental strain or emotional distress. The video advises viewers to avoid people who consistently criticize or undermine their confidence, as this reduces mental internal conflict and promotes personal well-being.

💡Cognitive Reappraisal

Cognitive reappraisal is the process of changing one's interpretation of a situation to alter its emotional impact. The video emphasizes that by shifting one’s perception of events, such as understanding that someone’s delayed response may be due to busyness rather than personal rejection, individuals can mitigate mental internal conflict.

💡Sharing and Externalizing Emotions

Sharing and externalizing emotions involves speaking about one's internal struggles with trusted individuals to alleviate mental burdens. In the video, this is described as a way to ‘let the pain see the light,’ suggesting that vocalizing internal conflicts can reduce their emotional intensity and lead to healing.

Highlights

Mental energy is often consumed by psychological friction, causing exhaustion and distraction from essential tasks.

The first major cause of mental exhaustion is comparing oneself with others, starting from school rankings to workplace success.

A common trait among people with mental exhaustion is that their expectations of themselves are often higher than their actual abilities.

Many individuals are overly sensitive to external evaluations, leading to overthinking simple matters, such as lending money to friends.

Seeing others succeed in the same field can trigger feelings of inadequacy, fueling self-doubt and anxiety.

The second source of exhaustion is the perception of success stories, which broadens one's vision but doesn't necessarily improve personal abilities.

Cognitive biases, such as assuming someone not replying to messages means they don't care, often create unnecessary emotional stress.

Behavioral Cognitive Therapy emphasizes that it's not events but one's interpretation of them that causes emotional reactions.

Acknowledging and confronting internal emotions and desires is crucial for overcoming mental exhaustion.

Learning to accept that not everything will go according to plan can significantly reduce internal struggles.

Taking action, even in small steps, can break the cycle of procrastination and prevent further mental exhaustion.

Simplifying decisions into binary choices, such as doing or not doing something, can help overcome hesitation and indecision.

Setting a time limit for how long one will allow themselves to feel pain or frustration can provide closure and mental clarity.

Identifying people who trigger mental exhaustion and distancing oneself from them can prevent unnecessary stress.

Sharing your inner struggles, either with friends or in a public forum, can help diminish the power of internal conflict.

Transcripts

play00:02

其实就是

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精神内耗用四句话概括就是说

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言未出 结局已演千百遍

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其实很多精神内耗的人啊

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会把自己的能量

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更多的消耗在这种心理的这种摩擦上

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比如说各种的

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从而就会导致我们没有精力

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也没有能量

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没有心情去做我们应该做的事

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一定是阻止你家庭变得更好的绊脚石

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那么今天我想从心理学的角度

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来帮助大家剖析内耗的底层原因

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以及给到大家一些

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摆脱内耗的实操方法

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相信啊

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你们今天看完以后一定收获不小

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那么精神内耗的源头

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其实最经典的原因无非只有三个

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第一个我们叫做

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读书的时候老师眼中的排名

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上班以后同学同事之间的这种对比

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其实全部都会转化成

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有钱

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但是我们对自己的要求和期待啊

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其实是往往高于我们自己能力的

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于是就会出现

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然后就特别容易受到他人的影响

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会特别的在意这种外在的评价

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因为别人的一句话

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可能你就能想上一整天

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几乎不联系你的朋友

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为什么呢

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别人向你借钱

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你不想借啊

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怕借了钱拿不回来

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但你又不好意思不借

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怕朋友觉得你小气

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不够义气

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所以借和不借这件事

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那就能让你纠结上一整天

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甚至更长的时间

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然后呢内耗的另外一个重要的来源

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二十几岁

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做网红做直播

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因为这些人的起点可能和你差不多

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但是你看到别人已经飞黄腾达

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有自己的事业

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而自己呢

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还在那个起点上

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那么你就会陷入

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你就特别想要知道

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他们是怎么做到的

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然后你的手机的这种收藏夹里边

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就放满了各种各样

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挣钱 成长的这些视频

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然后呢就导致了各种各样逆袭的人

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增长了我们的见识

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却没有提升我们的能力

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自己还没有茅草屋

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就已经看不上茅草屋了

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眼高手低的结果

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必然是

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让我们陷入这种无限的焦虑当中

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那么这就是内耗的第二个来源

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那么内耗的第三个来源

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你们要知道

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这个世界上绝大部分的内耗

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其实并不是来源于

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发生了什么痛苦的事

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而是来源于我们自身的认知

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别人没有回你消息

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让你难受的

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其实并不是对方没有回你消息嘛

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而是你觉得对方不回消息

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就是不想搭理你

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就是不够在意你

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就是不够爱你嘛

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但如果说

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你觉得对方不回你消息

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可能就是在忙

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一时没有看到

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那你就不会觉得特别的难受了嘛

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你看同一件事

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因为不同的想法和认知

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最后会引起完全不同的情绪

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那么这个就是行为认知疗法里边

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一个非常著名的理论

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那么经常就会觉得

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比如说你会认为

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因为孩子不好好写作业

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所以我会生气

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但实际上

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真正让我们生气的

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所以说简单来说

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我对事件的看法

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才是导致我生气的原因

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那么当我们认识到

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以上内耗的3个具体原因

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是我们走出内耗的第一步

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那么接下来

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就是如何去解决内耗的具体实操方法

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那么今天我会教给大家5个

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让我们摆脱内耗的方法

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那么第一个

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我们怎么去调整自己的认知呢

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首先啊你要学会

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你要知道很多时候

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你之所以会

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就是因为

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我们还是拿别人不回消息这件事来聊

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所以导致了一旦别人不回应你

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你就会很难过

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特别想要在这个人身上得到反馈

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所以当你发觉你经常因为同一件事

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而产生很多糟糕的念头和想法的时候

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你不妨停下来觉察一下自己的内心

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去真实的觉察

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自己内心真正的需求和缺失

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只有找到原因

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我们才能通过正确的方法

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去好好的疗愈

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然后呢你要学会允许一切的发生

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并且积极的去面对

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因为当你不允许一些事情发生的时候

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你就会觉得很多事

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那就应该按照你期待的方向去发展

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一旦事情偏离了你的期待

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你就会觉得痛苦

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你要打破这种固执

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要学会允许一切的发生

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生活中很多的事啊

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本身它其实就是不可控的

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你不允许这样

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又不允许那样

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就是你自己

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给自己建立了很多内耗的源头啊

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所以说

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当你能够平和的接受一切的发生

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你的内心就会平和很多

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遇到问题

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内心的第一反应

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那就不会再是抱怨了

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你不会去埋怨事

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为什么没有按照我的想法去发展

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埋怨自己倒霉不幸

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所以说

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只有把这些负面的情绪和认知

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从心里扫除之后

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我们才能够更容易的回归理性

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更积极的一面去看待问题

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一旦我们对事情的认知做了转变

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很多痛苦都会自动的消失

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明白吗

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那么第二个呢

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有太多的人每天都在重复相同的行为

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却渴望得到一个不一样的结果

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但你想要改变结果

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唯一有效的只有去改变你的行动

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只有行动

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可以对抗恐惧和这种自我的消耗

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那么有一个方法我推荐给大家

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可以快速的让我们行动起来

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二进制是计算机的一种语言

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是一种只有0

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或者是一组成的一个算法

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所以说我们可以改变思维

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把所有的决定都简化成

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那么简单点说

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比如说你想去搭讪会场上的一位高人

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如果你老是纠结于结果的话

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那么这个时候

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你就可以设置一个二进制的目标

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能张口跟他打招呼 就是成功

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只要完成打招呼这个任务就OK了

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我就可以走了

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那么二进制思维法

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可以赋予你强大的力量

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因为它剥夺了你的借口啊

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它能够让你远离各种的拖延的行为

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因为行动的目标已经被简化

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你再也没有任何的借口去逃避

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你只能勇敢的去做了

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比如说你想培养读书的习惯

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咱们读一页书就可以了

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你想要去运动

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咱们跑100米就是成功

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你想要去戒烟

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那就这一根不抽就好了

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我能决定的只是这根烟抽不抽

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下一根烟抽不抽

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我不知道

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把目标简单化

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让成功变得比失败更容易

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你才能走进成功的这个良性循环啊

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那么摆脱内耗的第三个方法

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多久时间

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其实都可以

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只要有期限就好

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你可以问问自己啊

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我必须要痛苦多久

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是一天一年

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还是一辈子呀

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你准备给自己判处哪种刑法

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等到期满的时候

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你是否愿意停止这种自我折磨

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走出痛苦

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所以当你开始思考这些问题的时候

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实际上它就给了你一个暗示

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痛苦内耗是有期限的

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它会让你的理性回归

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让你重新开始

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在期限内

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你可以允许自己躺平摆烂

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允许自己内耗内疚

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也允许自己反反复复的

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去咀嚼过去的事

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但是时间到了

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就别再想了

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这个实际上是为我们的内在

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腾出这么一个空间

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来安放我们的焦虑和不安

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其实有的时候

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我们只是需要一个允许而已

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那么接下来就是第四个方法

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你去想一想

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你身边的哪些人是真正让你内耗的呀

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是谁最喜欢对你评头论足的呀

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谁又在打压你一切想法的呀

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如果说有这么一个人

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最好离他们远一点

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然后拿起

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如果一个人想要所有人都喜欢

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那一定会活得很累啊

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因为他得去满足所有人的愿望

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所有人的期待

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而相反

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当你彻底的接受别人会讨厌你这件事

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你就会减少很多的内耗

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学会课题分离

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把别人的东西还给别人

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我们管不着别人的眼睛和嘴巴

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别人怎么看怎么说

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那是他们的事

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把自己还给自己

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大家记住一句话

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别人对你的百般解读不构成万分之一的你

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那是他的价值观

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他的人生观

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他的世界观

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我见过太多

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究其一生

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就是为了证明身边这个烂人

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是一个烂人

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那我想说

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你也是一个偏执的人呐

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我就是要成为一个让你讨厌的人

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你能把我咋地吧

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那么最后呢

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第五个摆脱内耗的方法

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我们叫做

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如果说你现在真的处于内耗当中

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走不出来

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不妨把它说出来

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那么在心理学里边

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是一个非常好的疗愈创伤的方式

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我们叫做

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和你的朋友倾诉一下

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因为说出来它就会见光死

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公之于众的内耗

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是让痛苦被见证的过程

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甚至你可以直接在咱们的评论区

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把你的烦恼给打出来

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有些自我消耗的痛苦

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只是需要被看见而已呀

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所以大家一定要明白

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当你再次产生内耗的时候

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你要意识到

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你只是被旧有的这些思维模式绑架了

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你没办法跳出来

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并不是因为你真的犯了错

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还有一点你也一定要明白

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我们每个人都是会犯错的

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偶尔一点失误不代表我们不好

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我们可以不那么完美

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可以不那么优秀

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甚至是偶尔我们可以做做坏人

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你不要去不放过自己

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谁让你那么完美了呀

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谁这么要求你啊

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你就让这人

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爱哪哪去

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对他人来说

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其实我们并没有你想象中那么重要

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你也没有办法去承担对方的责任

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我们每个人都有自己的课题

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每个人都有自己的人生

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我们需要做的是过好我们自己的人生

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那么希望今天5个方法

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能够帮助正在被精神内耗困扰的你

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大家动动手

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点点赞转发一下

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让爱流动起来

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那么这样

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那么也是我们这个频道存在的价值

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当你对一件事感到内耗的时候

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你根本不用去改变外在的人事或者物

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而应该去改变自己对这件事情的看法

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这个就是所谓的

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改变自己的认知

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改变自己的看法

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不仅会更省时更省力

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而且你会发现

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当你改变内心的状态之后

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环境和事情也会随之改变

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糟糕的事也会变得越来越少

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这个就叫做

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比挣钱

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精神内耗

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身未动 心中已过万重山

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纠结 恐惧 担心

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欢迎来到松明讲心理的频道

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期望

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望子成龙 望女成凤

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自己对自己的 要求和期待

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功成 名就

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能力

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对比

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在互联网上的各种视频

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年入百万

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无限的

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认知

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认知

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就比如说

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情绪ABC理论

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情绪ABC理论

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产生负面情绪C

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对你不写作业这件事的看法

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1.觉察认知

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觉察你当下的情绪 真实的去面对自己

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产生极端的负面 情绪和认知

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别人回你回慢了 你就会猜疑

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本质上这就是一种补偿心理

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允许事事的无奈 无常

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2.努力做好自己能做的事

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内耗的很多原因

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二进制的思维法

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二进制的模式

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做等于成功

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迈不开步子

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如果我什么都不做 就是失败

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二进制思维法

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这一种只要做了就是胜利的心态

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3.期限法

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我可以精神内耗

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为自己的内耗 写一个期限

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4.远离

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被讨厌的勇气

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却是一览无遗的他自己

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总归和你无关

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5.允许自己倾诉

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潜意识意识化

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看见即疗愈

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先有能量后有爱

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爱就能变成价值和营养

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觉知是学习的开始

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觉察是调整的开始

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一念转乾坤

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境随心生 心随境转

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更重要 的事

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行未果 假象困难愁不展

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焦虑 迷茫 ···

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排名

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有脑子

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期待

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分分钟 挣好几万

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焦虑

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A是事件

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你不写作业就是不听话

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你内在的创伤 被唤醒

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自身缺乏安全感

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允许自己没有那么全能

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想的太多 但是做的太少

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不做就等于失败

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等一圈内耗下来

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就成了推动你前进的巨大动力

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也可以自我攻击

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事已毕 过完仍在脑海中

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对比

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好身材

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对现在特别的不满

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B是认知

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外界的问题

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生气

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产生了这种不好的认知

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允许你的孩子没有那么顺从你

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人家已经离开了

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也可以躺平摆烂

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对过去又无比的后悔

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C是情绪和行为

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不写作业是因为你遇到了难题 是你真的不知道怎么办

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小的时候没有得到足够的认可或者是接纳

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有个期限

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对未来又自我否定

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不生气

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没有得到及时的反馈

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一天? 一周? 一个月?

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解决你的

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Mental healthSelf-awarenessCognitive therapyEmotional resilienceAnxiety managementSelf-growthOverthinkingPractical advicePersonal developmentPsychology tips