¿Cómo educar hijos de 12-18 años? Técnicas para educar y disciplinar en la adolescencia

Psicólogo y Coach Fernando Pineda

12 May 201713:59

Summary

TLDRThis video script addresses the critical phase of adolescent development, emphasizing the importance of guiding teenagers through this transformative period. The speaker advises parents on fostering open communication, acceptance, freedom, and setting boundaries to support their children's growth. The script debunks common misconceptions about discipline and offers practical advice on navigating rebellious behavior. It encourages parents to understand the root causes of their actions and to guide their children with firmness and acceptance, helping them transition from childhood to responsible adulthood.

Takeaways

😀 The importance of adolescence: The script emphasizes the significance of adolescence as a period of reconstruction for young individuals, where they can either build upon or dismantle the values and structures established during their early years.
🛠️ The rebuilding process: Adolescents are compared to a Lego figure that must be dismantled and reassembled by themselves, symbolizing the process of self-discovery and personal growth.
👂 Communication is key: The script stresses that communication is not just about talking but also about listening and understanding, which is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship with teenagers.
🚫 The myth of non-communication: It clarifies that non-communication is a myth, as every action or inaction communicates something to the adolescent.
👥 Acceptance vs. Permission: The difference between accepting (understanding) and permitting (allowing) is highlighted, suggesting that parents should accept their teenager's desires without necessarily giving permission for every action.
🏠 Building a strong foundation: The script suggests that if the foundation of values during the first 12 years of a child's life is weak, the adolescent will face difficulties in their reconstruction process.
📉 The consequences of inaction: It warns that if parents do not consciously and knowledgeably act during their child's early years, the adolescent period can become chaotic.
🚦 Balancing freedom and limits: Parents are advised to provide communication, acceptance, freedom, and limits to help their teenagers navigate through adolescence successfully.
💡 Understanding maturity: The script explains that the level of maturity of the adolescent dictates the extent of their freedom and the setting of appropriate limits.
🔑 Privileges vs. Freedoms: It suggests that as adolescents gain more freedoms, they should exchange fewer privileges, helping them transition from childhood to adulthood.
🤔 Addressing behavioral issues: The script advises identifying the root cause of a teenager's bad behavior and reflecting on one's own actions and beliefs that may have contributed to it.

Q & A

What is the main objective of adolescence according to the video?
-The main objective of adolescence is for the individual to reconstruct themselves, which can be a chaotic period if it is not carried out consciously.
Why is it important to understand the development of discipline in a child before adolescence?
-Understanding the development of discipline before adolescence helps parents to comprehend how to guide their children through the changes and challenges of adolescence effectively.
What are the four key elements parents should provide to their teenagers to help them navigate adolescence?
-The four key elements are communication, acceptance, freedom, and limits.
Why is conscious communication essential with teenagers?
-Conscious communication is essential because it prevents misinterpretation of non-verbal cues and ensures that the message conveyed is clear and understood by the teenager.
How can parents ensure they are communicating effectively with their teenagers?
-Parents can ensure effective communication by engaging in conscious conversations about various topics, not just the typical or uncomfortable ones, and by getting to know their teenagers' interests and opinions.
What is the difference between acceptance and permission in the context of parenting teenagers?
-Acceptance is about understanding and acknowledging the teenager's desires and feelings, while permission is about allowing certain actions or behaviors. Parents can accept their teenager's wishes without necessarily permitting them.
How can parents demonstrate acceptance to their teenagers without necessarily agreeing with their choices?
-Parents can demonstrate acceptance by listening to their teenagers' viewpoints, understanding their desires, and communicating that they acknowledge these feelings, even if they do not permit the actions.
What is the role of maturity in determining the level of freedom and limits for teenagers?
-The level of maturity of the teenager determines their level of freedom and the limits set upon them. Parents should reward demonstrated maturity with increased freedoms and responsibilities.
How should parents approach setting rules and consequences for their teenagers?
-Parents should involve teenagers in the process of setting rules and consequences, adapting them based on the teenager's level of maturity and demonstrated responsibility.
What is the recommended approach for parents when dealing with teenagers who have developed severe behavioral problems?
-Parents should first identify the cause of the behavior, reflect on their own motivations and beliefs that led to their parenting style, and then act with firmness and acceptance to guide their teenagers towards building a better life for themselves.
Why is it important for parents to balance giving more freedom with reducing privileges as their children grow?
-Balancing freedom with reducing privileges helps adolescents transition from being dependent children to becoming responsible adults, learning to manage their lives with the freedoms they are given.

Outlines

00:00

👨‍👧 The Importance of Adolescence in Child Development

This paragraph discusses the crucial role of adolescence in a young person's development. It emphasizes the importance of guiding teenagers through this transformative period to help them build their own value systems. The speaker compares the process to a child taking apart a Lego structure and rebuilding it themselves, highlighting the need for adolescents to dismantle and reconstruct the values they've learned. The paragraph also addresses the common misconception that the purpose of adolescence is to undo all the teachings of childhood, explaining instead that it's a necessary process for personal growth. To support parents in this endeavor, four key elements are identified: communication, acceptance, freedom, and setting boundaries.

05:01

🗣️ Communication and Acceptance in Parenting Adolescents

The second paragraph delves into the specifics of communication and acceptance when dealing with adolescent children. It refutes the idea that a lack of communication is the root of problems with teenagers, arguing that all actions, including inaction, communicate something. The speaker stresses the importance of conscious communication through words and conversations, rather than relying on non-verbal cues that can be misinterpreted. Acceptance is also highlighted as a key form of love for adolescents, with the speaker cautioning against confusing acceptance with permission. An example is given involving a daughter wanting a tattoo, illustrating the difference between understanding and accepting her desires without necessarily permitting the action.

10:03

🚦 Balancing Freedom, Limits, and Responsibility in Adolescence

This paragraph focuses on the balance between freedom and responsibility during adolescence. It discusses how the level of maturity demonstrated by a child dictates the extent of their freedoms and limits. The speaker advocates for teaching children to earn their freedoms by demonstrating responsibility, using examples such as a teenager working to afford their own needs versus relying on parents for everything. The importance of gradually increasing freedoms as privileges decrease is underscored, helping adolescents transition from childhood to adulthood. The paragraph also touches on involving teenagers in the decision-making process regarding rules and consequences, fostering a sense of ownership and accountability.

🛠️ Addressing Behavioral Issues in Adolescents

The final paragraph addresses how to handle severe behavioral issues in adolescents. It begins by identifying common causes of misbehavior, such as not teaching respect for rules and boundaries during childhood, being overly rigid, or failing to listen to the child's beliefs and opinions. The speaker also mentions personal conflicts, such as identity struggles or social difficulties, as potential causes. Instead of immediately seeking solutions, the paragraph advises parents to first understand what beliefs or actions led to the current behavior. This introspection is crucial for parents to avoid repeating patterns that may have contributed to the issues. Once these beliefs are identified and addressed, parents can then work towards guiding their children with firmness and acceptance, helping them build a better life for themselves.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Adolescence

Adolescence refers to the transitional stage of physical and psychological development from childhood to adulthood. In the video's theme, adolescence is highlighted as a critical period where young individuals reconstruct their values and identities. The script emphasizes the importance of guiding teenagers through this phase to ensure they develop into well-rounded adults, using the analogy of taking apart and reconstructing a Lego structure to illustrate the process of self-discovery and personal growth.

💡Discipline

Discipline, in the context of the video, is the process of teaching children and adolescents to behave in a controlled and appropriate manner. The script discusses the development of discipline through various stages of a child's life, with adolescence being a pivotal moment where the previously learned values are dismantled and rebuilt by the teenager themselves. This process is crucial for fostering self-reliance and personal responsibility.

💡Rebellion

Rebellion is portrayed in the video as a common behavior among teenagers, often a response to feeling unheard or unaccepted. The script suggests that understanding and accepting a teenager's individuality, rather than merely repressing their behavior, can help mitigate rebellious actions. It is used to illustrate the potential outcome when teenagers feel their personal autonomy is being restricted.

💡Communication

Communication is emphasized as a fundamental aspect of the parent-teenager relationship. The script clarifies that non-communication is a form of communication in itself, often sending unintended messages. Conscious and verbal communication is encouraged to prevent misunderstandings and to build a stronger connection with teenagers, as seen in the advice to discuss a variety of topics beyond the usual serious or uncomfortable subjects.

💡Acceptance

Acceptance is defined in the video as understanding and recognizing a teenager's feelings, desires, and individuality without necessarily agreeing with or permitting their actions. The script uses the example of a daughter wanting a tattoo to illustrate the difference between acceptance and permission, showing how acceptance can foster a stronger emotional bond and reduce rebellion.

💡Freedom

Freedom, in the context of the video, relates to the autonomy and independence granted to teenagers as they mature. The script discusses how the level of maturity of a teenager dictates the extent of their freedom, advocating for a balance between freedom and responsibility. It suggests that as teenagers demonstrate maturity, they should be given more freedom, which is a key aspect of their development into independent adults.

💡Limits

Limits are the boundaries set for teenagers to ensure they understand the consequences of their actions and to guide their behavior. The script advises that limits should be adjusted based on the demonstrated maturity of the teenager, with more mature individuals being given greater freedom. It also suggests involving the teenager in the decision-making process regarding rules and consequences to foster a sense of responsibility.

💡Maturity

Maturity in the video is associated with a teenager's ability to handle responsibilities and make sound decisions. It is used to determine the level of freedom and limits appropriate for each individual. The script provides examples such as working, planning for the future, and behaving responsibly as indicators of maturity that can earn more freedom.

💡Consequences

Consequences are the outcomes or results of actions, which the video script suggests should be aligned with the level of maturity of the teenager. As teenagers demonstrate more mature behavior, the script advises that parents should implement more adult-like consequences to help them understand the gravity of their actions and to prepare them for adulthood.

💡Parental Guidance

Parental guidance is the process of directing and supporting a teenager's development, as discussed in the video. It involves providing communication, acceptance, freedom, and setting limits. The script emphasizes the importance of guiding rather than controlling, helping teenagers navigate their adolescence and build a strong foundation for their future.

Highlights

Importance of adolescence in young people's development and guidance for integral growth.

Addressing rebellious teenagers with unexpected advice differing from common approaches.

The analogy of building and rebuilding with legos to explain the process of value reconstruction in teenagers.

The necessity of conscious and knowledgeable parenting during the first 12 years of a child's life.

Four essential elements for guiding teenagers: communication, acceptance, freedom, and limits.

The impossibility of non-communication and the importance of conscious verbal communication.

The distinction between accepting and allowing in the context of parenting teenagers.

The importance of understanding and respecting a teenager's personal desires and choices.

The concept of maturity determining the level of freedom and limits for teenagers.

Encouraging teenagers to earn privileges through demonstrated responsibility and maturity.

Involving teenagers in the decision-making process regarding rules and consequences.

The recommendation to balance freedom with fewer privileges as teenagers mature.

Strategies for dealing with severe behavioral issues in teenagers who have not received proper guidance in earlier stages.

Identifying the root causes of a teenager's misbehavior and the role of parental actions.

The importance of self-reflection for parents to overcome limiting beliefs that affect parenting.

Guiding teenagers towards building a better life for themselves by overcoming limiting beliefs.

Encouraging parents to share knowledge and insights to improve family life quality.