Female Arousal, Desire and Orgasmic Pleasure, new interview with intimacy coach Susan Bratton

Cliff's List
3 Apr 202440:18

Summary

TLDRThe transcript discusses the nuances of sexual relationships, emphasizing the importance of understanding and addressing the differences in male and female arousal. It highlights the need for patience, communication, and emotional connection in sexual encounters, and introduces the concept of a 'sex life bucket list' to encourage exploration and variety in couples' intimate experiences. The conversation also touches on the impact of social media and platforms like OnlyFans on modern sexual dynamics, and the嘉宾 offers advice on fostering healthy and satisfying sexual relationships.

Takeaways

  • 📚 Understanding the differences in male and female arousal is crucial for successful sexual relationships.
  • 💡 Women often require a slower build-up of arousal compared to men, necessitating more time for foreplay and emotional connection.
  • 🌟 The importance of communication in sexual relationships cannot be overstated; partners should feel comfortable expressing their desires and boundaries.
  • 🛌 Good grooming and hygiene are highly valued by women and contribute significantly to the sexual experience.
  • 💖 Emotional connection is a top priority for women, sometimes even more so than the sexual techniques themselves.
  • 🔍 Men and women are different in their sexual responses and desires, and understanding these differences is key to mutual satisfaction.
  • 🤝 The 'sex life bucket list' is a tool that can help couples explore new experiences and keep their sexual relationship exciting and evolving.
  • 🌈 Expanding the range of sexual experiences through experimentation and adventure can enhance the pleasure and connection between partners.
  • 🚫 The misuse of social media and platforms like OnlyFans can contribute to feelings of isolation and disconnection in some individuals.
  • 💌 Self-confidence and self-love, derived from kindness, respect, and integrity, are attractive qualities that can improve one's sexual relationships and overall well-being.

Q & A

  • What is the main topic of discussion between Cliff and Susan?

    -The main topic of discussion is women's libido, desire, and arousal, and how men can be successful in making love to their partners by understanding female perspective and creating a mutual alignment.

  • How does Susan describe the difference between sexually responsive and spontaneously sexual people?

    -Sexually responsive people, typically women, are open to and want to have sex but may need certain conditions met and a process of seduction to become fully aroused. Spontaneously sexual people, often men, are ready and willing to engage in sexual activity at any time without needing additional conditions or seduction.

  • What does Susan emphasize as important for men to understand about female arousal?

    -Susan emphasizes that women generally require more time to become fully aroused compared to men, and that they need to feel safe, comfortable, and appreciated to facilitate the arousal process. Understanding and practicing good communication and emotional connection are also crucial.

  • What is the significance of the 'sex life bucket list' that Susan mentions?

    -The 'sex life bucket list' is a tool that Susan provides to couples, offering 48 erotic play dates or adventurous sexual experiences they can explore together. It serves as a way to enhance communication, introduce variety, and keep the sexual relationship exciting and fulfilling.

  • How does Susan address the issue of men feeling isolated due to the influence of social media and platforms like OnlyFans?

    -Susan acknowledges that while some men may feel more isolated, others have found community and connection through these platforms. She suggests that the key is for individuals to focus on being loving, respectful, and kind, which in turn will make them more attractive and less isolated.

  • What advice does Susan give to men who are struggling with feelings of inadequacy in their sexual relationships?

    -Susan advises men to focus on their positive qualities such as integrity, kindness, consideration, and a loving heart. She encourages them to remember that they are enough and to approach relationships with love and respect, which will make them more lovable.

  • What is the importance of good grooming according to Susan?

    -Good grooming is important as it shows up in the top two things that women care about in a sexual relationship. Being well-groomed, including cleanliness and manscaping, can significantly enhance a woman's experience and attraction.

  • How does Susan suggest men approach the concept of foreplay?

    -Susan suggests that men should take their time with foreplay, ensuring that the woman is fully aroused before penetration. This includes creating a comfortable and pleasurable environment, engaging in non-genital touching, and focusing on the entire body, not just the genitals.

  • What is the role of communication in a sexual relationship according to Susan?

    -Communication plays a vital role in a sexual relationship. It allows partners to express their needs, desires, and boundaries. Susan emphasizes the importance of being open, honest, and responsive to each other's needs, creating a foundation of trust and mutual understanding.

  • What does Susan mean by 'climbing up the arousal ladder' for women?

    -Climbing up the arousal ladder refers to the process of gradually building a woman's arousal. It involves creating a safe and comfortable environment, engaging in extended foreplay, and slowly stimulating her emotionally and physically until she is fully ready for sexual activity.

  • How can men demonstrate emotional connection during sex, according to Susan?

    -Men can demonstrate emotional connection by being fully present during sex, showing genuine appreciation for their partner, and engaging in heart-felt communication. It's about more than just physical pleasure; it's about creating an emotional bond and shared experience.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ Introduction and Discussion on Relationships

The paragraph begins with a friendly conversation between two individuals, catching up after a long time. They discuss the importance of teaching men how to be successful in relationships with women, focusing on making love and understanding the dynamics of attraction and connection. The speaker emphasizes the value of genuine connection and mutual understanding in relationships, and introduces the topic of women's libido, desire, and arousal as key subjects for discussion.

05:00

👥 Understanding Sexual Responsiveness and Desire

This section delves into the concepts of sexual responsiveness and spontaneous sexual desire. It highlights the differences between how men and women typically experience arousal, with men being more spontaneous and women requiring a sense of safety, comfort, and seduction. The speaker stresses the importance of taking time with women, understanding their need for a slow arousal process, and the significance of foreplay. The discussion also touches on the physiological aspects of arousal in both sexes.

10:01

💞 Building Arousal and Creating a Comfortable Environment

The paragraph focuses on the importance of creating a relaxed and comfortable environment for women to enhance arousal. It discusses the process of building arousal gradually and the need for men to understand that making a woman feel safe, adored, and appreciated is crucial for her arousal. The speaker also talks about the 'Bullseye touch technique,' emphasizing the importance of starting with non-genital touch and working towards more intimate areas. The paragraph also mentions the necessity of open communication about preferences and comfort levels.

15:03

🤝 Encouraging Communication and Presence During Intimacy

This part of the conversation emphasizes the importance of communication and presence during intimate moments. The speaker encourages men to listen to their partners' needs and desires, and to create a trusting environment where women feel comfortable expressing their requirements. The paragraph also highlights the significance of men showing their pleasure and being emotionally connected during sex, rather than being overly focused on technique or performance. The speaker suggests that this genuine connection and mutual pleasure can greatly enhance the sexual experience for both partners.

20:04

🌟 Exploring Creativity and Variety in Sexual Relationships

The speaker introduces the concept of a 'sex life bucket list,' a tool designed to encourage couples to explore new experiences and maintain variety in their sexual relationship. The list includes 48 erotic playdates, offering a range of activities for couples to try together. The paragraph discusses the importance of keeping an open mind and being willing to experiment with one's sexual preferences. The speaker also mentions the positive impact of technology on sexual exploration and the increasing acceptance of diverse sexual expressions and relationships.

25:05

🌐 Impact of Social Media and Technology on Sexuality

The conversation turns to the impact of social media and technology on sexual experiences and relationships. The speaker discusses the phenomenon of OnlyFans and how it has provided a platform for people to connect and explore their sexuality in a safe and controlled environment. The paragraph also addresses the concern that technology may contribute to feelings of isolation for some individuals, but counters this by highlighting the potential for increased connection and community through such platforms. The speaker advocates for a balanced view, recognizing both the positive and negative aspects of these technological advancements.

30:06

💬 Final Thoughts and Resources for Enhancing Sexual Relationships

In the concluding paragraph, the speaker shares final thoughts on the importance of self-confidence, kindness, and genuine connection in building and maintaining sexual relationships. They offer reassurance that everyone has unique qualities to offer and encourages individuals to focus on their positive attributes. The speaker also promotes their email newsletter as a resource for learning more about sexual techniques, communication skills, and relationship advice, and invites listeners to engage with them for further support and guidance.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Libido

Libido refers to an individual's sexual desire or drive. In the context of the video, it is used to discuss the differences in sexual desire between men and women, emphasizing that women's libido is often responsive rather than spontaneous, and requires certain conditions to be met for full arousal.

💡Foreplay

Foreplay is the set of activities before sexual intercourse that are intended to increase arousal and anticipation. In the video, the importance of foreplay is highlighted as a crucial aspect of sexual encounters with women, as it allows for a gradual build-up of arousal and creates an emotional connection.

💡Sexual Response

Sexual response refers to the physiological and psychological reactions that occur during sexual arousal and activity. The video discusses the differences in sexual response between men and women, noting that women often require a slower, more nuanced approach to reach full arousal.

💡Emotional Connection

Emotional connection is the sense of closeness, intimacy, and mutual understanding between individuals. In the video, it is emphasized as a vital component for women during sexual encounters, as it fosters a sense of safety and enhances the overall experience.

💡Communication

Communication in the context of the video refers to the open and honest exchange of thoughts, feelings, and desires between sexual partners. Effective communication is highlighted as essential for creating a satisfying and pleasurable sexual experience, particularly for women.

💡Grooming

Grooming pertains to personal hygiene and the maintenance of one's appearance. In the video, it is noted as a significant factor that women consider important in their sexual partners, contributing to an overall attractive and appealing presentation.

💡Sex Life Bucket List

The 'Sex Life Bucket List' is a concept introduced in the video that involves a list of erotic play dates or adventurous sexual experiences that couples can explore together. It serves as a tool to enhance sexual variety, excitement, and mutual exploration in a relationship.

💡Polyamory

Polyamory is the practice of engaging in multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships with the consent and knowledge of all parties involved. In the video, it is mentioned as part of the evolving landscape of sexual relationships and expressions, indicating a broader acceptance of diverse relationship structures.

💡Sex Tech

Sex tech refers to the use of technology in the realm of sexual experiences, including but not limited to sex toys, apps, and devices designed to enhance or facilitate sexual activity. The video mentions sex tech as a growing industry that offers new possibilities for sexual exploration and pleasure.

💡OnlyFans

OnlyFans is a content subscription platform often used by creators to share exclusive and often adult content with their subscribers. In the video, OnlyFans is discussed as a significant influence on modern sexual dynamics, providing a space for connection and sexual expression.

💡Isolation

Isolation in the context of the video refers to feelings of loneliness and disconnection, particularly in relation to sexual and romantic relationships. It is discussed as a prevalent issue affecting many individuals, contributing to a sense of dissatisfaction and lack of fulfillment.

Highlights

The importance of understanding female arousal in comparison to male arousal for successful sexual relationships.

The concept of 'sexually responsive' versus 'spontaneously sexual' people and how this relates to typical male and female sexual behaviors.

The need for men to practice patience and engage in foreplay to allow women the time to become fully aroused.

The physiological differences between male and female arousal, including the amount of erectile tissue and the time required for arousal.

The importance of creating a safe and comfortable environment for women to enhance their sexual experience.

The 'Bullseye touch technique' and the significance of starting with non-genital touch to build arousal.

The necessity of open communication during sex, with men actively listening to and adjusting to women's needs and desires.

The role of emotional connection and good grooming in sexual relationships.

The impact of societal changes, such as social media and platforms like OnlyFans, on sexual relationships and perceptions.

The advice for men to focus on presence and connection during sex rather than solely on technique.

The 'Sex Life Bucket List' as a tool for couples to explore and diversify their sexual experiences.

The benefits of sexual exploration and experimentation throughout one's life for both physical and mental health.

The significance of self-confidence and self-love in sexual attractiveness and success.

The role of technology in improving sexual health through advancements like comprehensive STI testing kits.

The evolving landscape of sexual relationships, including the rise of polyamory and non-traditional relationship structures.

The advice for individuals feeling isolated or inadequate to focus on their positive qualities and the importance of self-love.

Transcripts

play00:00

hi Cliff hi there long time no see it's

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been a while Susan it's good to see you

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again you're still kicking around that's

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good teaching men how to how to make

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love to women huh well it's more trying

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to have them be successful with women

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you're the one that I think helps more

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with the Making Love part that's true

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that's true we're a good combo aren't we

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yeah I've probably known you for a

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couple of decades now man it's crazy how

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time goes by you know it's just I know

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scary it's really scary you know when I

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think back on uh how many years have

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just sort of flown by it's just

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unbelievable but in any event I'm glad

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to see you again and uh I'm sure you

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have some interesting new things to

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share with us and um always I guess uh

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maybe you can start off again by just

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introducing yourself and uh then telling

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us a little bit about what you'd like to

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talk about this evening sure well we had

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decided that what we wanted to talk

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about was

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women's libido desire and arousal female

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arousal as it compares to male

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arousal um mostly just so that guys have

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a much better sense of things they can

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do to ha to to be

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successful in making love to their woman

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what can they do what do they need to

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know what's their perspective versus a

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woman's

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perspective how can they get in her

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world

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and um have her really feel like she's

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met and understood by him and she feels

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safe with him and um that they feel in

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mutual alignment because as you know

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Cliff it's very

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nerve-wracking dating is very

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nerve-wracking sex is very

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nerve-wracking you know it's it's

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fraught with a lot of worry and fear and

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so the more that you can show up as the

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man who's comfortable in his own skin

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and

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who understands how to be with a woman

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the better off everybody

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does well listen this is a very valuable

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information for guys who uh you know

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don't I think often get the opportunity

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to hear a woman talk about these things

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and and um I guess be as candid as you

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are about them yeah well I always like

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to be a straight talker

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because people just want you to tell

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them the information that they need and

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there is a lot of misinformation online

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there's a lot of people doing

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information Cascade which is well they

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said it and they said it and they said

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it so that must be it so that's what I'm

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going to say and over the last few

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decades that I've been teaching people

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how to be good lovers be a better

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lover I've really tried to stay close to

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my own original information and content

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as well as taken all of the information

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from medical texts and new clinical data

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things we're learning from work neuros

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seexual neuroscience and MRI

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machines um things that I've taken up

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out of the you know pickup an attraction

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World um the things that I hear from

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feminist women about what their needs

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are others

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experts I'm constantly pulling in

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information to feed my understanding of

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what it takes for generally although now

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Cliff everything is pretty much across

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the gender Spectrum my area of expertise

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is a man and a woman and hot sex and

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that really is a combination

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of understanding how we're the same and

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different and having good technically

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proficient sexual skills and also being

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a good bedroom Communicator

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because it takes quite a bit

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of

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just

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practice to be a good bedroom

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communicator and go ahead did you want

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to say something well I'm just curious

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like you know uh where do you start with

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guys typically when when you meet

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someone uh to sort of take them through

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you know what you have to teach them

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well let's start with you have a

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prospect and you want to go to bed with

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them and you've never gone to bed with

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them before so I think it's always good

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to start with

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that for your world for the for the men

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that follow you and get your advice on

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Cliff's list and for that here's where

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I'd start I'd explain the difference

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between her female body and your male

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body not just you have a penis and she

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has a vagina but more about

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how there's a there's a fairly new

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terminology that I really like this

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notion that there are people who are

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sexually

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responsive and there are other people

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who are more spontaneously

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sexual

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spontaneously sexual people are horny

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they're ready to go they'd like to have

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sex anytime or you know most times um

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and that is often how you would describe

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a guy a healthy guy but people who are

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responsively have responsive desire

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these are people who like sex want to

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have sex are open to it but they're not

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quite there yet they're not ready to go

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they're not like down to go they're more

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of the responsive person and that is

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more typically the female she's just

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like sometimes she's ready to go

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especially early on in a relation

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relationship but sometimes she needs to

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be safe and comfortable and have some

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conditions met and

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[Music]

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um help climbing up her arousal

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ladder and she wants and needs some

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seduction with

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Integrity not just

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trickery um she doesn't want to be a one

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night stand or you know anything like

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that she really wants to be she wants to

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have something that's more meaningful

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heart connected

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based in friendship and appreciation

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Mutual um Mutual turn on

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Etc so a guy if he's healthy you know he

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has nighttime erections he wakes up with

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a morning erection he's horny he's ready

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to go and he's really ready for

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penetration quite quickly he gets an

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erection and he could have intercourse

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but women they're not really like that

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they're much more slow to become aroused

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typically now now in new relationship

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energy sometimes you can bypass that and

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she's ready to go but generally it's

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better to take your time with a woman

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and that's why there's this notion of

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foreplay and sex the thing is that when

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you think about sex like there's

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foreplay and

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intercourse what often happens is that

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you're rushing to

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intercourse and that can be too fast for

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the typical woman she wants to be held

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she wants to know you think she's

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beautiful and that she smells good and

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that she's tastes good and that you like

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kissing her and that she's pretty to you

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and sexy to you and that you know things

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are safe you're going to use protection

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if if she needs it you you you had STI

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tests done before you had sex you know

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whatever your conditions are for safe de

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those need to be met

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um and then she needs a fairly slow

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arousal ramp she doesn't get an instant

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erection like guys do she gets a slow

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erection where it takes a guy maybe two

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or three minutes to get an erection it

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takes a woman 20 or 30 minutes to become

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fully erect because women have the same

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amount of erectile tissue in their vulva

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and vagina in their genitals as their

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male-bodied Partners do in his penis and

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his penis

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if you think about the T you know if you

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think about your penis sticking out of

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your body that's about half of it the

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other half goes in and down towards your

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testicles so it's twice as big as what

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you see is the erectile tissue in your

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penis if I took that out and I laid it

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in my hand it would all that erectile

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tissue would cover my hand it's exactly

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the same for a woman's body it's in

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three chambers in your penis it's in

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three chambers in her vva but the

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chambers are small and funny little

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shapes and it takes a while for the

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blood to seep in to those erectile

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tissue systems to fill up so that she

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gets basically her lady

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boner and for you you've got three

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straight tubes that fill up very easily

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and very quickly so she needs more time

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to get fully

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aroused and a lot of times women are

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used to being penetrated so quickly that

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they don't even know about full arousal

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they may have never even gotten there or

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they did with that one special guy who

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somehow she was so turned on or she was

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you know ready or he took the time to

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get her there that that was the best sex

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of her

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life and the thing is that if you

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penetrate a woman before she's

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ready then she basically doesn't have

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that engorgement that erectile function

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and so the tissue is small and it has

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less surface area but if you wait and

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you really pleasure her whole body so

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that there's time for her to

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relax because for a lot of guys what

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they're ready to do is they're like I

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want to push some buttons I want to turn

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some knobs and I want to get her turned

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on and the thing is what they don't

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understand is

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that relaxing her is the beginning of

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her arousal process making her feel safe

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adored appreciated comfortable that's

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what'll allow her to climb that that

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arous the ladder that's what allows the

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blood to seep in and create more tessen

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in her genital system which creates more

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surface area which sends way more

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signals of pleasure to her brain it's

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like the difference between how good it

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feels to be pleasured when you're erect

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or flaccid it's the same for her but she

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may not even know that so it's great

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when a guy understands and he takes his

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time the other thing that I think is

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important to know is that a woman likes

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to be touched from the outside in if you

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think about a bull's eye she really

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wants her hair to be stroked her cheeks

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to be kissed her body to be touched her

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chest to be

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pleasured not just going directly for

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her genitals a guy would be perfectly

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happy for her to put his manhood right

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in her hand immediately he would like

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that it would actually be comforting for

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him grounding would be a turn on but for

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her that's too fast for most women there

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are always

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outliers on the bell curve of sexuality

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what I'm really talking about are most

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human beings and what they generally

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like you know it's always a your mileage

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will vary the other important piece to

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think about in this Bullseye touch

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technique is that instead of going

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straight for the center her genitals

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you're working from the outside in

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you're touching her

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extremities rubbing her back squeezing

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her bun stroking her belly her shoulders

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her neck kissing her

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eyelids rather than just sticking your

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lips on hers and sticking your tongue in

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her mouth you know it's it's a it's a

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working your way in and her lips and her

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breasts are the three-legged stool with

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her genitals of her arousal system so

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that's why kissing and breast pleasuring

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are as important as manual and oral

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stimulation using toys before

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penetration and I think that also it's

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really good to have had things like the

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safe sex talk and do you like lube and

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what do you like and how do you feel

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today are you more of a lionist or a

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kitty cat what are you in the mood for

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how how do you like the lighting what

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what temperature feels good to you oh

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I've got a big stack of soft towels what

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music are you in the mood for I've got a

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picture of Water by the bed when you set

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what I call the lover space and you

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really create this environment for her

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complete relaxation when she knows that

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she's safe in your arms and when you

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really are truly appreciative of the

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opportunity to make love with her she is

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so much more responsive and able to

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relax to begin that arousal process and

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then when you ask

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her to always tell you everything say to

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her I don't know what your experience

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has been like with other men but I want

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to let you know that I'm the kind of guy

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that loves it when you tell tell me

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everything anything if it's too hard too

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soft you want something else if

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something's scratchy if something's

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bothering you if it feels good anything

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Harder Faster lighter softer everything

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just keep telling me as much as you can

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because what I've understood about women

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is you're different every day I'm not

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going to do to you today what we did

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last time we were together I want to

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find out what your appetite is like

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because every day we are different and I

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want to just show up really present here

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with you and enjoy and take our pleasure

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together and when a woman is invited to

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actually tell you what she needs and

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what she desires and she does it the

play14:43

very best thing you can do is say thank

play14:46

you tell me more got it how's this

play14:50

really acknowledging her and encouraging

play14:53

her to continue to tell you what she

play14:56

needs in any moment will

play14:59

create essentially a level of trust in

play15:02

the communication that you have with her

play15:05

where she knows that you don't take it

play15:07

personally when she needs something

play15:08

different than she's getting that you

play15:11

won't cave that you won't get butt hurt

play15:13

that you won't shut down or get mad at

play15:16

her but in fact that you appreciate her

play15:19

for telling you how to be successful and

play15:23

then when you're able

play15:27

to show her your pleasure not just hold

play15:32

back not just be in your head not just

play15:34

try to strategize what it is that you

play15:37

think she wants but instead that you're

play15:41

focused on an

play15:44

interplay where together the two of you

play15:48

are surrendered to your pleasure

play15:51

together that she knows that you're

play15:52

getting as much pleasure from being with

play15:55

her as she is from being with you that

play15:59

actually AIDS her turn on she doesn't

play16:02

want you to do her she wants you to be

play16:05

with her present with her she can tell

play16:08

when you

play16:10

emotionally mentally kind of check out

play16:13

and you get in your strategy head and

play16:16

that's the time to leave all of those

play16:17

things behind and just connect in your

play16:20

heart and to connect your heart to your

play16:24

manhood so that she can feel that inside

play16:28

her that's what people are are wanting

play16:31

and needing when they get that emotional

play16:35

connection and another thing women want

play16:37

beyond the emotional connection is good

play16:41

grooming that might not seem that

play16:43

important to you but women tell me their

play16:47

top two things number one is grooming

play16:50

number two is emotional connection so

play16:53

it's not so much about the techniques

play16:56

those are all great to learn but it's

play16:58

about about really showing up clean

play17:00

smelling your toes don't look like Shrek

play17:03

you've been to the dental hygienist

play17:06

there aren't a lot of ear hair eye hair

play17:08

nose hair issues your your um package is

play17:14

well

play17:15

manscaped um these things you know your

play17:18

fingernails are trimmed they're not

play17:20

sharp and

play17:21

scraggly those kinds of things your

play17:24

sheets are clean those kinds of things

play17:27

go a long way with when were're very

play17:29

sensitive to that kind of thing so they

play17:33

everything I've said I am imagining that

play17:36

if you're a man you listen to me and you

play17:39

go I knew all that she didn't tell me

play17:41

anything new and yet I know that you're

play17:44

not doing it you're not you don't have

play17:47

that checklist you haven't done those

play17:48

things you think you might have but H

play17:51

have you really are you really showing

play17:53

up like that are you really putting that

play17:55

intention into your love making and and

play17:58

uh men often overestimate their skills

play18:02

because of testosterone it's not really

play18:04

your fault um it's just how you're wi to

play18:07

assume that you know honestly for a lot

play18:10

of guys they they kind of have this

play18:12

egoic protection around thinking they're

play18:14

better than they are and there are many

play18:17

things that if you listened to what I

play18:19

just said and and really thought about

play18:21

it are you doing those things could you

play18:23

make yourself a checklist of those is

play18:24

that how you're showing up there might

play18:26

be a few that you could improve and they

play18:28

they they may sound fundamental but

play18:30

they're very very

play18:34

vital yeah no I uh I think it's very

play18:37

important to be paying attention to

play18:40

what's going on at the moment and um

play18:43

personally I like to do a lot of teasing

play18:45

in bed that's uh something that I I uh I

play18:49

guess uh discovered a long time ago

play18:51

usually seems to work pretty

play18:53

well

play18:56

um so uh I guess um you've had a lot of

play19:01

experience with uh with guys how do you

play19:03

find most of them react to uh to these

play19:06

kind of instructions in the first place

play19:08

does it take a while for them to adjust

play19:10

or do they pick up on these things right

play19:12

away after after you've given them some

play19:14

good

play19:16

coaching well I think generally first of

play19:18

all um I think

play19:21

generally men are very easy to teach

play19:25

things to because they have this

play19:28

orientation of just give me the

play19:29

checklist and I'll Fring do it if this

play19:31

is what if they trust me if they're like

play19:34

yeah I think you know what you're

play19:35

talking about um then they just want a

play19:38

checklist so they can execute because

play19:39

they're very goal oriented and they just

play19:41

want to accomplish the goal and the goal

play19:43

that they want

play19:45

is I want to blow her mind I want to

play19:48

give her the best orgasms she's ever had

play19:50

in her life I want to be her personal

play19:54

best lover men are competitive and

play19:57

they're goal oriented and they're

play19:59

completion oriented and so when you tell

play20:01

them how to win how to be a winner how

play20:03

to gain her respect they really

play20:06

appreciate that now you're talking their

play20:08

language and so that one piece

play20:12

about presence about getting out of your

play20:15

strategy mind and into your heart and

play20:17

connection I would say of all the things

play20:20

I said that's the place that men

play20:22

struggle the most because they want to

play20:25

do such a good job they can't let go and

play20:29

surrender to their own pleasure because

play20:32

they are so worried about giving her

play20:34

pleasure yet the surrendering is

play20:37

actually what would give her the most

play20:41

pleasure I imagine you get some good

play20:44

um uh feedback from women after uh

play20:47

you've you know gotten their guys on

play20:51

track yes I I think that what women need

play20:56

most from me is

play20:59

to help

play21:00

them understand that they're different

play21:03

every day that they're not that they

play21:06

don't have a low libido that it's just

play21:09

that it takes them time to get there

play21:12

that they're with a they women have been

play21:15

having

play21:17

sex like men because that's all they

play21:20

know they don't understand that they're

play21:23

totally different so once they're like

play21:27

oh that's why I'm like that it's not me

play21:31

it's all of us it's such a relief for

play21:36

them that they suddenly feel much more

play21:40

empowered to begin to say what their

play21:42

body needs in any given

play21:47

moment well um that's uh very

play21:51

interesting um have you had like a lot

play21:54

of different reactions from guys from

play21:55

this have some of them uh come up with

play21:58

some either very creative twists on

play22:00

these or have had trouble assimilating

play22:03

some of your

play22:05

advice no I don't think so I think it's

play22:08

so straightforward and it makes so much

play22:10

logical sense when I say it that it's

play22:13

pretty easy for guys to understand one

play22:15

of the things that I think

play22:19

um that a lot of a lot of what I've been

play22:22

doing lately that's been really helping

play22:25

couples generally is something that I

play22:28

call my sex life bucket

play22:32

list and this is really good for people

play22:36

who are just starting to date as much as

play22:39

it is for people that have been together

play22:40

for

play22:41

decades and that's because I can teach

play22:45

you the fundamental communication skills

play22:47

I can teach you sex

play22:50

techniques but often what people

play22:52

actually want if you think about when

play22:54

you're having sex you want it to be a

play22:57

fun time

play22:59

you want it to be an adventure in

play23:04

pleasure and sometimes you end up doing

play23:08

the same thing you follow this pattern

play23:11

and I call it grab a boob and stick it

play23:13

in you basically just are like okay well

play23:16

first we're going to make out and then

play23:18

you know like I'm going to rub her feet

play23:19

and I'm going to tell her she's pretty

play23:20

and then we're going to make out and

play23:21

then I'm going to play with her boobs

play23:23

and then I'm going to go down on her and

play23:24

then we're going to have intercourse and

play23:25

then I'm going to be done and I want a

play23:27

sandwich and

play23:29

and that's

play23:31

okay but it's it gets

play23:34

boring and people want to have many more

play23:37

experiences now together they want to do

play23:41

fun things and so I've come up with 48

play23:45

erotic play

play23:47

dates that give couples 48 ideas of

play23:52

things they could do together I think I

play23:54

have one right here I think I have one

play23:55

of my yeah here we go one of my bucket

play23:58

list right here and essentially what

play24:01

this does is it's a printout it's at sex

play24:03

lifebucket

play24:06

list.com and it's free it's a PDF and it

play24:09

comes with

play24:12

a a download that you can print out at

play24:15

home and the 48 ideas are on this sheet

play24:20

and essentially it's kind of like a list

play24:23

of really fun erotic playdates

play24:27

adventurous sex experiences that you can

play24:31

have together one of them the it starts

play24:35

out with the 20 different kinds of

play24:38

orgasms that the human body can have

play24:42

there are slight differences between the

play24:44

male and female body like we have what's

play24:46

called a G-spot men have a ppot you have

play24:49

an Aude we have an inie but basically we

play24:53

have the same Parts arranged in

play24:54

different order and they respond to Lots

play24:58

of different pleasure they respond to

play25:00

locations to be stimulated they respond

play25:03

to techniques to use like Erotic

play25:05

Hypnosis something you and I are both

play25:07

very aware of to um things like objects

play25:12

of Desire maybe you know um a new sex

play25:16

toy or some fetish gear or what have you

play25:20

and what's great about that is that you

play25:21

can go through the list of the 48 erotic

play25:24

playdates and you can mark them a b or c

play25:27

a is is oh this is definitely going on

play25:30

my sex life bucket list I've always

play25:32

wanted to do this B is it's not for me

play25:35

but if you wanted to do it I would be

play25:36

down for doing it with you and C is it's

play25:39

not for me right now Never Say Never

play25:42

because as you become more sexually

play25:44

sophisticated different things begin to

play25:46

appeal to you there's definitely an

play25:48

Ascension model in

play25:51

sexuality and if you play it right you

play25:53

can have great sex your whole life long

play25:55

if you take good care of yourself

play25:57

because you're sex having good sex is

play25:59

actually so healthy for you it improves

play26:02

your longevity and makes you a more

play26:05

appealing and attractive person as you

play26:07

age so the sex life bucket list gives

play26:11

you a video where I walk you through all

play26:13

48 because there are some you're like I

play26:15

don't even know what that

play26:17

is which is kind of fun to know that

play26:19

there's more ahead of you and so I think

play26:22

that what's really nice is when you

play26:24

bring that kind of beginner's mind to

play26:27

your sex life together whether it's your

play26:29

first date okay well tell me what you

play26:31

like tell me what's good for you

play26:33

everybody's so different what are you

play26:34

into right now what do you feel like

play26:36

right now I could throw out a bunch of

play26:37

ideas which is a really great way to do

play26:40

it let me let me give you three or four

play26:42

different scenarios I could give you a

play26:46

Yoni massage with my um you know my my

play26:52

uh sexy

play26:53

lubricant um uh I could uh we could try

play26:58

something like um

play27:01

69 um we could have we could try some

play27:03

sex positions around my house like I've

play27:06

got this round chair by my fireplace we

play27:10

could have sex there and then we could

play27:11

have some sex in my bed you know do are

play27:14

you experimental in that way what would

play27:17

I've got a few toys in my toy chest um

play27:20

sometimes I like to put a blindfold on a

play27:22

woman and tire down a little bit and you

play27:25

know do never do anything she doesn't

play27:27

want you could always communicate with

play27:29

me what might be fun what would you like

play27:32

uh do you want to do a lingerie photo

play27:34

shoot when you come over Saturday I

play27:36

could have some lingerie and some sexy

play27:38

heels for you and I could take pictures

play27:40

of you the light could be good right by

play27:42

my you know my window here um you know

play27:45

once you've got the bucket list you've

play27:47

got a bunch of ideas and you can run a

play27:50

woman a menu of offers and see what

play27:53

tickles her fancy and then know that if

play27:55

she shows up it could be a totally

play27:57

different thing by the she gets there to

play27:58

be like oh no I don't want to do a

play28:00

lingerie photo shoot now what I was

play28:01

thinking we could do is you

play28:04

know but um giving women lots of offers

play28:07

always really helps as well because then

play28:09

she can kind of pick and choose from the

play28:11

things that you lay out and know that it

play28:13

doesn't even need to be those things it

play28:14

could be anything that she wants I think

play28:17

that's a good way to have a lot of fun

play28:19

with a partner as

play28:21

well um I guess I'm a little curious

play28:24

about what your thoughts are of the I

play28:26

guess the

play28:27

whole call it sexual environment today

play28:29

there's been a lot of change I think out

play28:31

in the in the in the world in the uh

play28:34

social

play28:36

uh the social lives of most people I

play28:39

mean you've got something like uh

play28:41

something which I think is a little more

play28:42

prevalent in the US than it is up here

play28:44

in Canada but uh things like only fans

play28:46

have has had a major impact on on uh I

play28:49

think

play28:50

um I think the overall perception of of

play28:54

what goes on between men and women today

play28:57

and um I guess I'm curious about your

play28:59

thoughts and opinions on that sure well

play29:02

I think things are only getting better

play29:03

sexually for

play29:05

everyone um specifically I think that

play29:08

people are exploring more gender

play29:10

expression they're having more Partners

play29:14

there are new Next Generation

play29:16

Technologies in STI testing I'm the

play29:19

chief advocacy officer for a company

play29:21

called basis Diagnostics basis DX and

play29:25

they have um a very very high and super

play29:30

nice um comprehensive STI testing Home

play29:35

Collection kit that you mail back you

play29:37

can keep them around your house and then

play29:40

you can mail it back when you want to

play29:41

fast turn around on STi test and they

play29:43

get it and within 48 hours you've got in

play29:46

your email your STI panel results um so

play29:51

I think people are learning much more

play29:53

about how we use technology in that way

play29:56

there are there's an explosion in sex

play29:59

tech so there's so many great um toys I

play30:04

think I call them tools rather than toys

play30:06

that couples can use and so you can use

play30:09

for solo

play30:10

pleasuring um so I think that's big and

play30:14

I think there's a lot of movement in the

play30:16

world of monogamish and open relating

play30:19

and

play30:20

polyamory um so there's that whole

play30:23

sphere of

play30:25

possibility so I think generally

play30:28

a and there's more awareness of anatomy

play30:31

and the difference between the bodies

play30:33

there's more um just the whole you know

play30:37

bucket list and and experimentation is

play30:40

much more available there's just more

play30:43

conversation about our sexuality it's

play30:45

still highly censored it's still hard to

play30:48

talk about it but um it's getting better

play30:51

and better so I think that all of those

play30:54

things feed into people having more and

play30:58

better sex and wanting it for longer in

play31:01

their life uh not feeling like they're

play31:03

going to age out of their

play31:07

sexuality well I mean I'm hearing a lot

play31:09

of uh sort of

play31:12

uh isolation lately in terms of men are

play31:15

having less sex than ever these days um

play31:19

and that uh there's they're blaming a

play31:22

lot of it on social media that somehow

play31:24

rather despite the fact that we're more

play31:26

connected it's it's keeping us more more

play31:28

apart in certain ways um do you agree

play31:31

with that or what what do you think

play31:32

about that I think there are a lot of

play31:35

people who feel

play31:36

like they have to work too much they

play31:40

don't make enough

play31:42

money um they're not meeting

play31:45

people I think there are a lot of people

play31:47

who feel isolated and you asked me about

play31:49

only fans and I actually think that all

play31:53

of those lonely people who went found

play31:57

community and connection on only fans

play32:00

are a lot happier than they would be

play32:02

without it I think it's a nice way for

play32:06

people to get some connection and

play32:08

camaraderie in a sexual way that is um

play32:14

you know beneficial and further gives

play32:17

them confidence with other women their

play32:19

safe spaces where they can you know have

play32:22

some sexuality so I actually look at

play32:25

that as a as a good thing as well um I

play32:28

also think

play32:30

that when you're on only fans you're

play32:33

dealing directly with the people who are

play32:35

providing the

play32:37

services and in the old Paradigm of

play32:41

pornography it was the the companies

play32:43

that were making the money but not the

play32:46

stars and now people can make the money

play32:48

directly and you can connect with the

play32:51

Stars directly you don't just have to

play32:53

watch them on a screen you can actually

play32:55

interact with them and I think that's

play32:57

very appealing to a lot of a lot of

play32:59

people too more men than women obviously

play33:03

because that's the the bulk of the

play33:05

market so yes there are people who feel

play33:08

more isolated but there are equally

play33:10

people who feel less isolated because of

play33:14

Technology well uh that's an interesting

play33:17

twist I think um I think a lot of a lot

play33:21

of people think of it in terms of uh I

play33:25

guess the people who are successful with

play33:26

women are are being more successful it's

play33:30

like the top 1% gets you know 90% of the

play33:34

uh activity and the rest of the uh of

play33:38

the uh the guys are typically left

play33:42

uh more or less struggling without uh

play33:45

without seeing the results that the uh

play33:47

the top 1% are seeing um I think that

play33:51

that's probably more what people are

play33:53

seeing and you know the thing is is that

play33:55

only

play33:56

fans yes you you're you're having more U

play33:59

of A Kind of a

play34:01

sexual encounter with uh your your your

play34:04

host there but it's again it's a paid uh

play34:08

experience it's not it's not necessarily

play34:11

something that uh would have happened

play34:13

without the the uh lubricant of of cash

play34:18

uh so um I'm sure a lot of guys look at

play34:21

it differently but uh it's certainly

play34:23

become an incredible uh business

play34:26

certainly they the Brilliance of the

play34:28

guys behind it of of basically cutting

play34:30

out the porn producer and letting the

play34:32

women uh sort of deal with that

play34:34

themselves is it's it's a it's a genius

play34:36

business plan for

play34:38

sure um and they've certainly been well

play34:41

compensated I think for that

play34:44

um but I think in a lot of ways a lot of

play34:47

men are more isolated because of it uh

play34:50

you know because women look at them more

play34:52

as customers and more as someone that

play34:54

you know they can get subscribing to

play34:56

them and paying for for their atten ion

play34:58

uh as opposed to just sort of meeting

play35:01

someone in a more uh call it

play35:03

oldfashioned what

play35:05

Manner

play35:07

um you know and I like I said it's

play35:10

nothing is black and white I think

play35:11

there's probably good parts good

play35:13

elements to it and bad elements to it

play35:14

but um I think in in I think a lot of

play35:17

men have become more isolated lately

play35:19

than than I seem to remember over

play35:21

several years it seems to be have become

play35:24

much more prevalent these days um where

play35:28

do you see uh I guess uh people

play35:30

connecting better these days and what

play35:32

what is really something that you think

play35:35

is going to make a difference in terms

play35:36

of uh of maybe alleviating these these

play35:39

these feelings of isolation and and uh

play35:42

like desperation in a lot of

play35:53

men it's such an individual experience

play35:59

sure there have always been men who have

play36:01

felt isolated and women who feel

play36:04

isolated and the only thing that I can

play36:07

say is

play36:12

that we're all fragile

play36:16

beings we all have well let's just maybe

play36:19

say nine out of 10 because there's

play36:21

sociopath in every

play36:23

10 um nine out of 10 of us have and

play36:27

loving hearts and have love to give and

play36:30

would like to receive

play36:32

love so when you're feeling oh my penis

play36:37

isn't big enough because I'm not a porn

play36:39

king or I don't know how to talk to

play36:43

women because I have a neurod divergency

play36:46

I'm an Asbergers person or what have you

play36:49

or um you know I I don't feel like I

play36:52

would be attractive enough or I could

play36:54

have enough to

play36:56

offer

play36:58

remember that you always have enough and

play37:01

you always are

play37:03

enough because you bring a loving heart

play37:06

and care and connection and attention

play37:11

and

play37:12

affection

play37:14

and soul

play37:18

support and

play37:20

really when you walk out into the

play37:25

world and you are

play37:28

loving and respectful and kind and

play37:34

considerate that comes back to

play37:36

you that's the practice the practice is

play37:39

getting out of your own way getting out

play37:42

of the I'm not I'm not I'm not enough

play37:45

I'm not enough to I have an abundance of

play37:49

love and kindness and attention and

play37:52

affection to

play37:54

give I'm a hard worker I have have

play37:58

integrity these are the things that make

play38:01

you

play38:01

attractive these are the things that

play38:03

make you love yourself and therefore you

play38:07

become

play38:08

lovable so

play38:10

it's being a good

play38:12

man that is what we want from you no

play38:16

more it's it's enough and you're

play38:21

enough yes I I totally agree uh you know

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every every man

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uh every person has is a is a gift and

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uh yeah it's a question of just sort of

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I guess opening the package and seeing

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what's inside sometimes you

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know

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um I guess that more or less seems to

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cover it maybe you want to tell people a

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little bit more about uh you know what

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if they want to learn more about what

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you have to offer them uh I don't know

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if you have products coaching whatever

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it is maybe you can tell them a little

play38:53

bit about that now sure thank you Cliff

play38:56

I have an email newsletter and that's

play38:58

where I do all of my sex techniques my

play39:01

communication skills and my

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encouragement and

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love you can sign up for it at better

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lover.com and if you have any questions

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for me you can reply to any email you

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get from me and it personally goes into

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my inbox privately and I will reply to

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you sometimes it takes me a few days I'm

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busy girl but um it's my joy to um

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support you and give you directions

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toward um the things that are of

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interest to you and of course you can

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always get the sex life bucket list and

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see if there's some things there that

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are the next steps on your journey so

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thank you so much for having me Cliff

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it's been great to connect with you

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again I really appreciate it it's so

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good to see you and I appreciate how

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you're always such a thoughtful and

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kind-hearted

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person you're you're very kind to say

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that I appreciate it I appreciate you

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taking the time with me this evening and

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uh I think the guys are going

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get a bit of bit of a different

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perspective from from a woman tonight

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from from this uh discussion and uh I'm

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looking forward to hearing some of their

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comments me too all right thanks very

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much

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okay so I guess you have to turn it off

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now I do I'm going

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to

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