Female Arousal, Desire and Orgasmic Pleasure, new interview with intimacy coach Susan Bratton

Summary

The transcript discusses the nuances of sexual relationships, emphasizing the importance of understanding and addressing the differences in male and female arousal. It highlights the need for patience, communication, and emotional connection in sexual encounters, and introduces the concept of a 'sex life bucket list' to encourage exploration and variety in couples' intimate experiences. The conversation also touches on the impact of social media and platforms like OnlyFans on modern sexual dynamics, and the嘉宾 offers advice on fostering healthy and satisfying sexual relationships.

Takeaways

• 📚 Understanding the differences in male and female arousal is crucial for successful sexual relationships.
• 💡 Women often require a slower build-up of arousal compared to men, necessitating more time for foreplay and emotional connection.
• 🌟 The importance of communication in sexual relationships cannot be overstated; partners should feel comfortable expressing their desires and boundaries.
• 🛌 Good grooming and hygiene are highly valued by women and contribute significantly to the sexual experience.
• 💖 Emotional connection is a top priority for women, sometimes even more so than the sexual techniques themselves.
• 🔍 Men and women are different in their sexual responses and desires, and understanding these differences is key to mutual satisfaction.
• 🤝 The 'sex life bucket list' is a tool that can help couples explore new experiences and keep their sexual relationship exciting and evolving.
• 🌈 Expanding the range of sexual experiences through experimentation and adventure can enhance the pleasure and connection between partners.
• 🚫 The misuse of social media and platforms like OnlyFans can contribute to feelings of isolation and disconnection in some individuals.
• 💌 Self-confidence and self-love, derived from kindness, respect, and integrity, are attractive qualities that can improve one's sexual relationships and overall well-being.

Q & A

What is the main topic of discussion between Cliff and Susan?

The main topic of discussion is women's libido, desire, and arousal, and how men can be successful in making love to their partners by understanding female perspective and creating a mutual alignment.

How does Susan describe the difference between sexually responsive and spontaneously sexual people?

Sexually responsive people, typically women, are open to and want to have sex but may need certain conditions met and a process of seduction to become fully aroused. Spontaneously sexual people, often men, are ready and willing to engage in sexual activity at any time without needing additional conditions or seduction.

What does Susan emphasize as important for men to understand about female arousal?

Susan emphasizes that women generally require more time to become fully aroused compared to men, and that they need to feel safe, comfortable, and appreciated to facilitate the arousal process. Understanding and practicing good communication and emotional connection are also crucial.

What is the significance of the 'sex life bucket list' that Susan mentions?

The 'sex life bucket list' is a tool that Susan provides to couples, offering 48 erotic play dates or adventurous sexual experiences they can explore together. It serves as a way to enhance communication, introduce variety, and keep the sexual relationship exciting and fulfilling.

How does Susan address the issue of men feeling isolated due to the influence of social media and platforms like OnlyFans?

Susan acknowledges that while some men may feel more isolated, others have found community and connection through these platforms. She suggests that the key is for individuals to focus on being loving, respectful, and kind, which in turn will make them more attractive and less isolated.

What advice does Susan give to men who are struggling with feelings of inadequacy in their sexual relationships?

Susan advises men to focus on their positive qualities such as integrity, kindness, consideration, and a loving heart. She encourages them to remember that they are enough and to approach relationships with love and respect, which will make them more lovable.

What is the importance of good grooming according to Susan?

Good grooming is important as it shows up in the top two things that women care about in a sexual relationship. Being well-groomed, including cleanliness and manscaping, can significantly enhance a woman's experience and attraction.

How does Susan suggest men approach the concept of foreplay?

Susan suggests that men should take their time with foreplay, ensuring that the woman is fully aroused before penetration. This includes creating a comfortable and pleasurable environment, engaging in non-genital touching, and focusing on the entire body, not just the genitals.

What is the role of communication in a sexual relationship according to Susan?

Communication plays a vital role in a sexual relationship. It allows partners to express their needs, desires, and boundaries. Susan emphasizes the importance of being open, honest, and responsive to each other's needs, creating a foundation of trust and mutual understanding.

What does Susan mean by 'climbing up the arousal ladder' for women?

Climbing up the arousal ladder refers to the process of gradually building a woman's arousal. It involves creating a safe and comfortable environment, engaging in extended foreplay, and slowly stimulating her emotionally and physically until she is fully ready for sexual activity.

How can men demonstrate emotional connection during sex, according to Susan?

Men can demonstrate emotional connection by being fully present during sex, showing genuine appreciation for their partner, and engaging in heart-felt communication. It's about more than just physical pleasure; it's about creating an emotional bond and shared experience.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ Introduction and Discussion on Relationships

The paragraph begins with a friendly conversation between two individuals, catching up after a long time. They discuss the importance of teaching men how to be successful in relationships with women, focusing on making love and understanding the dynamics of attraction and connection. The speaker emphasizes the value of genuine connection and mutual understanding in relationships, and introduces the topic of women's libido, desire, and arousal as key subjects for discussion.

05:00

👥 Understanding Sexual Responsiveness and Desire

This section delves into the concepts of sexual responsiveness and spontaneous sexual desire. It highlights the differences between how men and women typically experience arousal, with men being more spontaneous and women requiring a sense of safety, comfort, and seduction. The speaker stresses the importance of taking time with women, understanding their need for a slow arousal process, and the significance of foreplay. The discussion also touches on the physiological aspects of arousal in both sexes.

10:01

💞 Building Arousal and Creating a Comfortable Environment

The paragraph focuses on the importance of creating a relaxed and comfortable environment for women to enhance arousal. It discusses the process of building arousal gradually and the need for men to understand that making a woman feel safe, adored, and appreciated is crucial for her arousal. The speaker also talks about the 'Bullseye touch technique,' emphasizing the importance of starting with non-genital touch and working towards more intimate areas. The paragraph also mentions the necessity of open communication about preferences and comfort levels.

15:03

🤝 Encouraging Communication and Presence During Intimacy

This part of the conversation emphasizes the importance of communication and presence during intimate moments. The speaker encourages men to listen to their partners' needs and desires, and to create a trusting environment where women feel comfortable expressing their requirements. The paragraph also highlights the significance of men showing their pleasure and being emotionally connected during sex, rather than being overly focused on technique or performance. The speaker suggests that this genuine connection and mutual pleasure can greatly enhance the sexual experience for both partners.

20:04

🌟 Exploring Creativity and Variety in Sexual Relationships

The speaker introduces the concept of a 'sex life bucket list,' a tool designed to encourage couples to explore new experiences and maintain variety in their sexual relationship. The list includes 48 erotic playdates, offering a range of activities for couples to try together. The paragraph discusses the importance of keeping an open mind and being willing to experiment with one's sexual preferences. The speaker also mentions the positive impact of technology on sexual exploration and the increasing acceptance of diverse sexual expressions and relationships.

25:05

🌐 Impact of Social Media and Technology on Sexuality

The conversation turns to the impact of social media and technology on sexual experiences and relationships. The speaker discusses the phenomenon of OnlyFans and how it has provided a platform for people to connect and explore their sexuality in a safe and controlled environment. The paragraph also addresses the concern that technology may contribute to feelings of isolation for some individuals, but counters this by highlighting the potential for increased connection and community through such platforms. The speaker advocates for a balanced view, recognizing both the positive and negative aspects of these technological advancements.

30:06

💬 Final Thoughts and Resources for Enhancing Sexual Relationships

In the concluding paragraph, the speaker shares final thoughts on the importance of self-confidence, kindness, and genuine connection in building and maintaining sexual relationships. They offer reassurance that everyone has unique qualities to offer and encourages individuals to focus on their positive attributes. The speaker also promotes their email newsletter as a resource for learning more about sexual techniques, communication skills, and relationship advice, and invites listeners to engage with them for further support and guidance.

Keywords

💡Libido

Libido refers to an individual's sexual desire or drive. In the context of the video, it is used to discuss the differences in sexual desire between men and women, emphasizing that women's libido is often responsive rather than spontaneous, and requires certain conditions to be met for full arousal.

💡Foreplay

Foreplay is the set of activities before sexual intercourse that are intended to increase arousal and anticipation. In the video, the importance of foreplay is highlighted as a crucial aspect of sexual encounters with women, as it allows for a gradual build-up of arousal and creates an emotional connection.

💡Sexual Response

Sexual response refers to the physiological and psychological reactions that occur during sexual arousal and activity. The video discusses the differences in sexual response between men and women, noting that women often require a slower, more nuanced approach to reach full arousal.

💡Emotional Connection

Emotional connection is the sense of closeness, intimacy, and mutual understanding between individuals. In the video, it is emphasized as a vital component for women during sexual encounters, as it fosters a sense of safety and enhances the overall experience.

💡Communication

Communication in the context of the video refers to the open and honest exchange of thoughts, feelings, and desires between sexual partners. Effective communication is highlighted as essential for creating a satisfying and pleasurable sexual experience, particularly for women.

💡Grooming

Grooming pertains to personal hygiene and the maintenance of one's appearance. In the video, it is noted as a significant factor that women consider important in their sexual partners, contributing to an overall attractive and appealing presentation.

💡Sex Life Bucket List

The 'Sex Life Bucket List' is a concept introduced in the video that involves a list of erotic play dates or adventurous sexual experiences that couples can explore together. It serves as a tool to enhance sexual variety, excitement, and mutual exploration in a relationship.

💡Polyamory

Polyamory is the practice of engaging in multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships with the consent and knowledge of all parties involved. In the video, it is mentioned as part of the evolving landscape of sexual relationships and expressions, indicating a broader acceptance of diverse relationship structures.

💡Sex Tech

Sex tech refers to the use of technology in the realm of sexual experiences, including but not limited to sex toys, apps, and devices designed to enhance or facilitate sexual activity. The video mentions sex tech as a growing industry that offers new possibilities for sexual exploration and pleasure.

💡OnlyFans

OnlyFans is a content subscription platform often used by creators to share exclusive and often adult content with their subscribers. In the video, OnlyFans is discussed as a significant influence on modern sexual dynamics, providing a space for connection and sexual expression.

💡Isolation

Isolation in the context of the video refers to feelings of loneliness and disconnection, particularly in relation to sexual and romantic relationships. It is discussed as a prevalent issue affecting many individuals, contributing to a sense of dissatisfaction and lack of fulfillment.

Highlights

The importance of understanding female arousal in comparison to male arousal for successful sexual relationships.

The concept of 'sexually responsive' versus 'spontaneously sexual' people and how this relates to typical male and female sexual behaviors.

The need for men to practice patience and engage in foreplay to allow women the time to become fully aroused.

The physiological differences between male and female arousal, including the amount of erectile tissue and the time required for arousal.

The importance of creating a safe and comfortable environment for women to enhance their sexual experience.

The 'Bullseye touch technique' and the significance of starting with non-genital touch to build arousal.

The necessity of open communication during sex, with men actively listening to and adjusting to women's needs and desires.

The role of emotional connection and good grooming in sexual relationships.

The impact of societal changes, such as social media and platforms like OnlyFans, on sexual relationships and perceptions.

The advice for men to focus on presence and connection during sex rather than solely on technique.

The 'Sex Life Bucket List' as a tool for couples to explore and diversify their sexual experiences.

The benefits of sexual exploration and experimentation throughout one's life for both physical and mental health.

The significance of self-confidence and self-love in sexual attractiveness and success.

The role of technology in improving sexual health through advancements like comprehensive STI testing kits.

The evolving landscape of sexual relationships, including the rise of polyamory and non-traditional relationship structures.

The advice for individuals feeling isolated or inadequate to focus on their positive qualities and the importance of self-love.

Transcripts

hi Cliff hi there long time no see it's

been a while Susan it's good to see you

again you're still kicking around that's

good teaching men how to how to make

love to women huh well it's more trying

to have them be successful with women

you're the one that I think helps more

with the Making Love part that's true

that's true we're a good combo aren't we

yeah I've probably known you for a

couple of decades now man it's crazy how

time goes by you know it's just I know

scary it's really scary you know when I

think back on uh how many years have

just sort of flown by it's just

unbelievable but in any event I'm glad

to see you again and uh I'm sure you

have some interesting new things to

share with us and um always I guess uh

maybe you can start off again by just

introducing yourself and uh then telling

us a little bit about what you'd like to

talk about this evening sure well we had

decided that what we wanted to talk

about was

women's libido desire and arousal female

arousal as it compares to male

arousal um mostly just so that guys have

a much better sense of things they can

do to ha to to be

successful in making love to their woman

what can they do what do they need to

know what's their perspective versus a

woman's

perspective how can they get in her

world

and um have her really feel like she's

met and understood by him and she feels

safe with him and um that they feel in

mutual alignment because as you know

Cliff it's very

nerve-wracking dating is very

nerve-wracking sex is very

nerve-wracking you know it's it's

fraught with a lot of worry and fear and

so the more that you can show up as the

man who's comfortable in his own skin

and

who understands how to be with a woman

the better off everybody

does well listen this is a very valuable

information for guys who uh you know

don't I think often get the opportunity

to hear a woman talk about these things

and and um I guess be as candid as you

are about them yeah well I always like

to be a straight talker

because people just want you to tell

them the information that they need and

there is a lot of misinformation online

there's a lot of people doing

information Cascade which is well they

said it and they said it and they said

it so that must be it so that's what I'm

going to say and over the last few

decades that I've been teaching people

how to be good lovers be a better

lover I've really tried to stay close to

my own original information and content

as well as taken all of the information

from medical texts and new clinical data

things we're learning from work neuros

seexual neuroscience and MRI

machines um things that I've taken up

out of the you know pickup an attraction

World um the things that I hear from

feminist women about what their needs

are others

experts I'm constantly pulling in

information to feed my understanding of

what it takes for generally although now

Cliff everything is pretty much across

the gender Spectrum my area of expertise

is a man and a woman and hot sex and

that really is a combination

of understanding how we're the same and

different and having good technically

proficient sexual skills and also being

a good bedroom Communicator

because it takes quite a bit

of

just

practice to be a good bedroom

communicator and go ahead did you want

to say something well I'm just curious

like you know uh where do you start with

guys typically when when you meet

someone uh to sort of take them through

you know what you have to teach them

well let's start with you have a

prospect and you want to go to bed with

them and you've never gone to bed with

them before so I think it's always good

to start with

that for your world for the for the men

that follow you and get your advice on

Cliff's list and for that here's where

I'd start I'd explain the difference

between her female body and your male

body not just you have a penis and she

has a vagina but more about

how there's a there's a fairly new

terminology that I really like this

notion that there are people who are

sexually

responsive and there are other people

who are more spontaneously

sexual

spontaneously sexual people are horny

they're ready to go they'd like to have

sex anytime or you know most times um

and that is often how you would describe

a guy a healthy guy but people who are

responsively have responsive desire

these are people who like sex want to

have sex are open to it but they're not

quite there yet they're not ready to go

they're not like down to go they're more

of the responsive person and that is

more typically the female she's just

like sometimes she's ready to go

especially early on in a relation

relationship but sometimes she needs to

be safe and comfortable and have some

conditions met and

[Music]

um help climbing up her arousal

ladder and she wants and needs some

seduction with

Integrity not just

trickery um she doesn't want to be a one

night stand or you know anything like

that she really wants to be she wants to

have something that's more meaningful

heart connected

based in friendship and appreciation

Mutual um Mutual turn on

Etc so a guy if he's healthy you know he

has nighttime erections he wakes up with

a morning erection he's horny he's ready

to go and he's really ready for

penetration quite quickly he gets an

erection and he could have intercourse

but women they're not really like that

they're much more slow to become aroused

typically now now in new relationship

energy sometimes you can bypass that and

she's ready to go but generally it's

better to take your time with a woman

and that's why there's this notion of

foreplay and sex the thing is that when

you think about sex like there's

foreplay and

intercourse what often happens is that

you're rushing to

intercourse and that can be too fast for

the typical woman she wants to be held

she wants to know you think she's

beautiful and that she smells good and

that she's tastes good and that you like

kissing her and that she's pretty to you

and sexy to you and that you know things

are safe you're going to use protection

if if she needs it you you you had STI

tests done before you had sex you know

whatever your conditions are for safe de

those need to be met

um and then she needs a fairly slow

arousal ramp she doesn't get an instant

erection like guys do she gets a slow

erection where it takes a guy maybe two

or three minutes to get an erection it

takes a woman 20 or 30 minutes to become

fully erect because women have the same

amount of erectile tissue in their vulva

and vagina in their genitals as their

male-bodied Partners do in his penis and

his penis

if you think about the T you know if you

think about your penis sticking out of

your body that's about half of it the

other half goes in and down towards your

testicles so it's twice as big as what

you see is the erectile tissue in your

penis if I took that out and I laid it

in my hand it would all that erectile

tissue would cover my hand it's exactly

the same for a woman's body it's in

three chambers in your penis it's in

three chambers in her vva but the

chambers are small and funny little

shapes and it takes a while for the

blood to seep in to those erectile

tissue systems to fill up so that she

gets basically her lady

boner and for you you've got three

straight tubes that fill up very easily

and very quickly so she needs more time

to get fully

aroused and a lot of times women are

used to being penetrated so quickly that

they don't even know about full arousal

they may have never even gotten there or

they did with that one special guy who

somehow she was so turned on or she was

you know ready or he took the time to

get her there that that was the best sex

of her

life and the thing is that if you

penetrate a woman before she's

ready then she basically doesn't have

that engorgement that erectile function

and so the tissue is small and it has

less surface area but if you wait and

you really pleasure her whole body so

that there's time for her to

relax because for a lot of guys what

they're ready to do is they're like I

want to push some buttons I want to turn

some knobs and I want to get her turned

on and the thing is what they don't

understand is

that relaxing her is the beginning of

her arousal process making her feel safe

adored appreciated comfortable that's

what'll allow her to climb that that

arous the ladder that's what allows the

blood to seep in and create more tessen

in her genital system which creates more

surface area which sends way more

signals of pleasure to her brain it's

like the difference between how good it

feels to be pleasured when you're erect

or flaccid it's the same for her but she

may not even know that so it's great

when a guy understands and he takes his

time the other thing that I think is

important to know is that a woman likes

to be touched from the outside in if you

think about a bull's eye she really

wants her hair to be stroked her cheeks

to be kissed her body to be touched her

chest to be

pleasured not just going directly for

her genitals a guy would be perfectly

happy for her to put his manhood right

in her hand immediately he would like

that it would actually be comforting for

him grounding would be a turn on but for

her that's too fast for most women there

are always

outliers on the bell curve of sexuality

what I'm really talking about are most

human beings and what they generally

like you know it's always a your mileage

will vary the other important piece to

think about in this Bullseye touch

technique is that instead of going

straight for the center her genitals

you're working from the outside in

you're touching her

extremities rubbing her back squeezing

her bun stroking her belly her shoulders

her neck kissing her

eyelids rather than just sticking your

lips on hers and sticking your tongue in

her mouth you know it's it's a it's a

working your way in and her lips and her

breasts are the three-legged stool with

her genitals of her arousal system so

that's why kissing and breast pleasuring

are as important as manual and oral

stimulation using toys before

penetration and I think that also it's

really good to have had things like the

safe sex talk and do you like lube and

what do you like and how do you feel

today are you more of a lionist or a

kitty cat what are you in the mood for

how how do you like the lighting what

what temperature feels good to you oh

I've got a big stack of soft towels what

music are you in the mood for I've got a

picture of Water by the bed when you set

what I call the lover space and you

really create this environment for her

complete relaxation when she knows that

she's safe in your arms and when you

really are truly appreciative of the

opportunity to make love with her she is

so much more responsive and able to

relax to begin that arousal process and

then when you ask

her to always tell you everything say to

her I don't know what your experience

has been like with other men but I want

to let you know that I'm the kind of guy

that loves it when you tell tell me

everything anything if it's too hard too

soft you want something else if

something's scratchy if something's

bothering you if it feels good anything

Harder Faster lighter softer everything

just keep telling me as much as you can

because what I've understood about women

is you're different every day I'm not

going to do to you today what we did

last time we were together I want to

find out what your appetite is like

because every day we are different and I

want to just show up really present here

with you and enjoy and take our pleasure

together and when a woman is invited to

actually tell you what she needs and

what she desires and she does it the

very best thing you can do is say thank

you tell me more got it how's this

really acknowledging her and encouraging

her to continue to tell you what she

needs in any moment will

create essentially a level of trust in

the communication that you have with her

where she knows that you don't take it

personally when she needs something

different than she's getting that you

won't cave that you won't get butt hurt

that you won't shut down or get mad at

her but in fact that you appreciate her

for telling you how to be successful and

then when you're able

to show her your pleasure not just hold

back not just be in your head not just

try to strategize what it is that you

think she wants but instead that you're

focused on an

interplay where together the two of you

are surrendered to your pleasure

together that she knows that you're

getting as much pleasure from being with

her as she is from being with you that

actually AIDS her turn on she doesn't

want you to do her she wants you to be

with her present with her she can tell

when you

emotionally mentally kind of check out

and you get in your strategy head and

that's the time to leave all of those

things behind and just connect in your

heart and to connect your heart to your

manhood so that she can feel that inside

her that's what people are are wanting

and needing when they get that emotional

connection and another thing women want

beyond the emotional connection is good

grooming that might not seem that

important to you but women tell me their

top two things number one is grooming

number two is emotional connection so

it's not so much about the techniques

those are all great to learn but it's

about about really showing up clean

smelling your toes don't look like Shrek

you've been to the dental hygienist

there aren't a lot of ear hair eye hair

nose hair issues your your um package is

well

manscaped um these things you know your

fingernails are trimmed they're not

sharp and

scraggly those kinds of things your

sheets are clean those kinds of things

go a long way with when were're very

sensitive to that kind of thing so they

everything I've said I am imagining that

if you're a man you listen to me and you

go I knew all that she didn't tell me

anything new and yet I know that you're

not doing it you're not you don't have

that checklist you haven't done those

things you think you might have but H

have you really are you really showing

up like that are you really putting that

intention into your love making and and

uh men often overestimate their skills

because of testosterone it's not really

your fault um it's just how you're wi to

assume that you know honestly for a lot

of guys they they kind of have this

egoic protection around thinking they're

better than they are and there are many

things that if you listened to what I

just said and and really thought about

it are you doing those things could you

make yourself a checklist of those is

that how you're showing up there might

be a few that you could improve and they

they they may sound fundamental but

they're very very

vital yeah no I uh I think it's very

important to be paying attention to

what's going on at the moment and um

personally I like to do a lot of teasing

in bed that's uh something that I I uh I

guess uh discovered a long time ago

usually seems to work pretty

well

um so uh I guess um you've had a lot of

experience with uh with guys how do you

find most of them react to uh to these

kind of instructions in the first place

does it take a while for them to adjust

or do they pick up on these things right

away after after you've given them some

good

coaching well I think generally first of

all um I think

generally men are very easy to teach

things to because they have this

orientation of just give me the

checklist and I'll Fring do it if this

is what if they trust me if they're like

yeah I think you know what you're

talking about um then they just want a

checklist so they can execute because

they're very goal oriented and they just

want to accomplish the goal and the goal

that they want

is I want to blow her mind I want to

give her the best orgasms she's ever had

in her life I want to be her personal

best lover men are competitive and

they're goal oriented and they're

completion oriented and so when you tell

them how to win how to be a winner how

to gain her respect they really

appreciate that now you're talking their

language and so that one piece

about presence about getting out of your

strategy mind and into your heart and

connection I would say of all the things

I said that's the place that men

struggle the most because they want to

do such a good job they can't let go and

surrender to their own pleasure because

they are so worried about giving her

pleasure yet the surrendering is

actually what would give her the most

pleasure I imagine you get some good

um uh feedback from women after uh

you've you know gotten their guys on

track yes I I think that what women need

most from me is

to help

them understand that they're different

every day that they're not that they

don't have a low libido that it's just

that it takes them time to get there

that they're with a they women have been

having

sex like men because that's all they

know they don't understand that they're

totally different so once they're like

oh that's why I'm like that it's not me

it's all of us it's such a relief for

them that they suddenly feel much more

empowered to begin to say what their

body needs in any given

moment well um that's uh very

interesting um have you had like a lot

of different reactions from guys from

this have some of them uh come up with

some either very creative twists on

these or have had trouble assimilating

some of your

advice no I don't think so I think it's

so straightforward and it makes so much

logical sense when I say it that it's

pretty easy for guys to understand one

of the things that I think

um that a lot of a lot of what I've been

doing lately that's been really helping

couples generally is something that I

call my sex life bucket

list and this is really good for people

who are just starting to date as much as

it is for people that have been together

for

decades and that's because I can teach

you the fundamental communication skills

I can teach you sex

techniques but often what people

actually want if you think about when

you're having sex you want it to be a

fun time

you want it to be an adventure in

pleasure and sometimes you end up doing

the same thing you follow this pattern

and I call it grab a boob and stick it

in you basically just are like okay well

first we're going to make out and then

you know like I'm going to rub her feet

and I'm going to tell her she's pretty

and then we're going to make out and

then I'm going to play with her boobs

and then I'm going to go down on her and

then we're going to have intercourse and

then I'm going to be done and I want a

sandwich and

and that's

okay but it's it gets

boring and people want to have many more

experiences now together they want to do

fun things and so I've come up with 48

erotic play

dates that give couples 48 ideas of

things they could do together I think I

have one right here I think I have one

of my yeah here we go one of my bucket

list right here and essentially what

this does is it's a printout it's at sex

lifebucket

list.com and it's free it's a PDF and it

comes with

a a download that you can print out at

home and the 48 ideas are on this sheet

and essentially it's kind of like a list

of really fun erotic playdates

adventurous sex experiences that you can

have together one of them the it starts

out with the 20 different kinds of

orgasms that the human body can have

there are slight differences between the

male and female body like we have what's

called a G-spot men have a ppot you have

an Aude we have an inie but basically we

have the same Parts arranged in

different order and they respond to Lots

of different pleasure they respond to

locations to be stimulated they respond

to techniques to use like Erotic

Hypnosis something you and I are both

very aware of to um things like objects

of Desire maybe you know um a new sex

toy or some fetish gear or what have you

and what's great about that is that you

can go through the list of the 48 erotic

playdates and you can mark them a b or c

a is is oh this is definitely going on

my sex life bucket list I've always

wanted to do this B is it's not for me

but if you wanted to do it I would be

down for doing it with you and C is it's

not for me right now Never Say Never

because as you become more sexually

sophisticated different things begin to

appeal to you there's definitely an

Ascension model in

sexuality and if you play it right you

can have great sex your whole life long

if you take good care of yourself

because you're sex having good sex is

actually so healthy for you it improves

your longevity and makes you a more

appealing and attractive person as you

age so the sex life bucket list gives

you a video where I walk you through all

48 because there are some you're like I

don't even know what that

is which is kind of fun to know that

there's more ahead of you and so I think

that what's really nice is when you

bring that kind of beginner's mind to

your sex life together whether it's your

first date okay well tell me what you

like tell me what's good for you

everybody's so different what are you

into right now what do you feel like

right now I could throw out a bunch of

ideas which is a really great way to do

it let me let me give you three or four

different scenarios I could give you a

Yoni massage with my um you know my my

uh sexy

lubricant um uh I could uh we could try

something like um

69 um we could have we could try some

sex positions around my house like I've

got this round chair by my fireplace we

could have sex there and then we could

have some sex in my bed you know do are

you experimental in that way what would

I've got a few toys in my toy chest um

sometimes I like to put a blindfold on a

woman and tire down a little bit and you

know do never do anything she doesn't

want you could always communicate with

me what might be fun what would you like

uh do you want to do a lingerie photo

shoot when you come over Saturday I

could have some lingerie and some sexy

heels for you and I could take pictures

of you the light could be good right by

my you know my window here um you know

once you've got the bucket list you've

got a bunch of ideas and you can run a

woman a menu of offers and see what

tickles her fancy and then know that if

she shows up it could be a totally

different thing by the she gets there to

be like oh no I don't want to do a

lingerie photo shoot now what I was

thinking we could do is you

know but um giving women lots of offers

always really helps as well because then

she can kind of pick and choose from the

things that you lay out and know that it

doesn't even need to be those things it

could be anything that she wants I think

that's a good way to have a lot of fun

with a partner as

well um I guess I'm a little curious

about what your thoughts are of the I

guess the

whole call it sexual environment today

there's been a lot of change I think out

in the in the in the world in the uh

social

uh the social lives of most people I

mean you've got something like uh

something which I think is a little more

prevalent in the US than it is up here

in Canada but uh things like only fans

have has had a major impact on on uh I

think

um I think the overall perception of of

what goes on between men and women today

and um I guess I'm curious about your

thoughts and opinions on that sure well

I think things are only getting better

sexually for

everyone um specifically I think that

people are exploring more gender

expression they're having more Partners

there are new Next Generation

Technologies in STI testing I'm the

chief advocacy officer for a company

called basis Diagnostics basis DX and

they have um a very very high and super

nice um comprehensive STI testing Home

Collection kit that you mail back you

can keep them around your house and then

you can mail it back when you want to

fast turn around on STi test and they

get it and within 48 hours you've got in

your email your STI panel results um so

I think people are learning much more

about how we use technology in that way

there are there's an explosion in sex

tech so there's so many great um toys I

think I call them tools rather than toys

that couples can use and so you can use

for solo

pleasuring um so I think that's big and

I think there's a lot of movement in the

world of monogamish and open relating

and

polyamory um so there's that whole

sphere of

possibility so I think generally

a and there's more awareness of anatomy

and the difference between the bodies

there's more um just the whole you know

bucket list and and experimentation is

much more available there's just more

conversation about our sexuality it's

still highly censored it's still hard to

talk about it but um it's getting better

and better so I think that all of those

things feed into people having more and

better sex and wanting it for longer in

their life uh not feeling like they're

going to age out of their

sexuality well I mean I'm hearing a lot

of uh sort of

uh isolation lately in terms of men are

having less sex than ever these days um

and that uh there's they're blaming a

lot of it on social media that somehow

rather despite the fact that we're more

connected it's it's keeping us more more

apart in certain ways um do you agree

with that or what what do you think

about that I think there are a lot of

people who feel

like they have to work too much they

don't make enough

money um they're not meeting

people I think there are a lot of people

who feel isolated and you asked me about

only fans and I actually think that all

of those lonely people who went found

community and connection on only fans

are a lot happier than they would be

without it I think it's a nice way for

people to get some connection and

camaraderie in a sexual way that is um

you know beneficial and further gives

them confidence with other women their

safe spaces where they can you know have

some sexuality so I actually look at

that as a as a good thing as well um I

also think

that when you're on only fans you're

dealing directly with the people who are

providing the

services and in the old Paradigm of

pornography it was the the companies

that were making the money but not the

stars and now people can make the money

directly and you can connect with the

Stars directly you don't just have to

watch them on a screen you can actually

interact with them and I think that's

very appealing to a lot of a lot of

people too more men than women obviously

because that's the the bulk of the

market so yes there are people who feel

more isolated but there are equally

people who feel less isolated because of

Technology well uh that's an interesting

twist I think um I think a lot of a lot

of people think of it in terms of uh I

guess the people who are successful with

women are are being more successful it's

like the top 1% gets you know 90% of the

uh activity and the rest of the uh of

the uh the guys are typically left

uh more or less struggling without uh

without seeing the results that the uh

the top 1% are seeing um I think that

that's probably more what people are

seeing and you know the thing is is that

only

fans yes you you're you're having more U

of A Kind of a

sexual encounter with uh your your your

host there but it's again it's a paid uh

experience it's not it's not necessarily

something that uh would have happened

without the the uh lubricant of of cash

uh so um I'm sure a lot of guys look at

it differently but uh it's certainly

become an incredible uh business

certainly they the Brilliance of the

guys behind it of of basically cutting

out the porn producer and letting the

women uh sort of deal with that

themselves is it's it's a it's a genius

business plan for

sure um and they've certainly been well

compensated I think for that

um but I think in a lot of ways a lot of

men are more isolated because of it uh

you know because women look at them more

as customers and more as someone that

you know they can get subscribing to

them and paying for for their atten ion

uh as opposed to just sort of meeting

someone in a more uh call it

oldfashioned what

Manner

um you know and I like I said it's

nothing is black and white I think

there's probably good parts good

elements to it and bad elements to it

but um I think in in I think a lot of

men have become more isolated lately

than than I seem to remember over

several years it seems to be have become

much more prevalent these days um where

do you see uh I guess uh people

connecting better these days and what

what is really something that you think

is going to make a difference in terms

of uh of maybe alleviating these these

these feelings of isolation and and uh

like desperation in a lot of

men it's such an individual experience

sure there have always been men who have

felt isolated and women who feel

isolated and the only thing that I can

say is

that we're all fragile

beings we all have well let's just maybe

say nine out of 10 because there's

sociopath in every

10 um nine out of 10 of us have and

loving hearts and have love to give and

would like to receive

love so when you're feeling oh my penis

isn't big enough because I'm not a porn

king or I don't know how to talk to

women because I have a neurod divergency

I'm an Asbergers person or what have you

or um you know I I don't feel like I

would be attractive enough or I could

have enough to

offer

remember that you always have enough and

you always are

enough because you bring a loving heart

and care and connection and attention

and

affection

and soul

support and

really when you walk out into the

world and you are

loving and respectful and kind and

considerate that comes back to

you that's the practice the practice is

getting out of your own way getting out

of the I'm not I'm not I'm not enough

I'm not enough to I have an abundance of

love and kindness and attention and

affection to

give I'm a hard worker I have have

integrity these are the things that make

you

attractive these are the things that

make you love yourself and therefore you

become

lovable so

it's being a good

man that is what we want from you no

more it's it's enough and you're

enough yes I I totally agree uh you know

every every man

uh every person has is a is a gift and

uh yeah it's a question of just sort of

I guess opening the package and seeing

what's inside sometimes you

know

um I guess that more or less seems to

cover it maybe you want to tell people a

little bit more about uh you know what

if they want to learn more about what

you have to offer them uh I don't know

if you have products coaching whatever

it is maybe you can tell them a little

bit about that now sure thank you Cliff

I have an email newsletter and that's

where I do all of my sex techniques my

communication skills and my

encouragement and

love you can sign up for it at better

lover.com and if you have any questions

for me you can reply to any email you

get from me and it personally goes into

my inbox privately and I will reply to

you sometimes it takes me a few days I'm

busy girl but um it's my joy to um

support you and give you directions

toward um the things that are of

interest to you and of course you can

always get the sex life bucket list and

see if there's some things there that

are the next steps on your journey so

thank you so much for having me Cliff

it's been great to connect with you

again I really appreciate it it's so

good to see you and I appreciate how

you're always such a thoughtful and

kind-hearted

person you're you're very kind to say

that I appreciate it I appreciate you

taking the time with me this evening and

uh I think the guys are going

get a bit of bit of a different

perspective from from a woman tonight

from from this uh discussion and uh I'm

looking forward to hearing some of their

comments me too all right thanks very

much

okay so I guess you have to turn it off

now I do I'm going

to