Brene Brown: el poder de la vulnerabilidad (subtitulos español)
Summary
TLDREl orador comparte su experiencia como investigadora narradora, explorando la conexión y la vulnerabilidad en la vida cotidiana. Descubre que la vergüenza, el miedo a la desconexión, y la vulnerabilidad son barreras para el amor y la pertenencia. A través de su investigación, revela cómo los seres humanos pueden vivir con valentía, compasión y conexión auténtica, lo que conduce a una sensación de pertenencia y amor propio. Exhorta a la audiencia a abrazar la vulnerabilidad y creer en su valía inherente para encontrar la alegría y la creatividad.
Takeaways
- 🗣️ La habilidad para contar historias es fundamental para conectar con otros y transmitir conocimientos.
- 🧠 La percepción de que si no se puede medir algo, no existe, es un error común que limita la comprensión de conceptos abstractos como la conexión humana.
- 🤔 La desconexión emocional es un tema recurrente en la vida moderna, y suele ser más fácil hablar sobre el dolor que sobre el amor o la pertenencia.
- 🚫 El miedo a la desconexión, que se manifiesta como vergüenza, es una barrera para la conexión y la pertenencia.
- 🔍 La vulnerabilidad es esencial para la conexión, pero a menudo la rechazamos o tratamos de controlarla.
- 💔 La vergüenza y la inseguridad sobre nuestra valía son sentimientos universales que afectan nuestra capacidad para conectarnos con otros.
- 🌟 Los individuos que sienten que tienen valía y pertenencia viven de manera plena y sin temor a ser vulnerables.
- 🤝 La autenticidad y la capacidad de dejar de lado las apariencias son claves para establecer conexiones auténticas.
- 🚫 La evitación de la vulnerabilidad a través de la adicción o el anestesiar emocionalmente nos impide sentir también las emociones positivas.
- 🌱 La aceptación de nuestra imperfección y nuestra capacidad para luchar es fundamental para el desarrollo personal y la resiliencia.
- 🌐 La autenticidad y la empatía son valores necesarios para mejorar las relaciones personales y profesionales.
Q & A
¿Qué problema enfrentó la oradora al intentar describirse en un volante para un evento?
-La oradora enfrentó el problema de cómo describirse en un volante sin parecer aburrida y irrelevante. La organizadora del evento estaba indecisa entre llamarla investigadora o narradora, ya que temía que si la llamaba investigadora, la gente no asistiría.
¿Qué conclusión llegó la oradora sobre su identidad como narradora e investigadora?
-La oradora decidió aceptar el título de 'investigadora narradora', entendiendo que sus historias recopiladas tenían alma y que ella misma era una narradora que recopilaba datos con un alma.
¿Cuál fue el mensaje que le传达了 su profesor de investigación durante su primer año como estudiante de doctorado?
-El profesor le dijo que si no podía medir algo, entonces no existía. Esto le llevó a cuestionar su enfoque en la investigación y cómo abordar temas complicados.
¿Qué descubrió la oradora acerca de la conexión humana durante su investigación?
-Descubrió que la conexión es fundamental para la vida, proporcionando propósito y significado. Sin embargo, también encontró que las historias de conexión a menudo se veían interrumpidas por la desconexión.
¿Qué descubrió la oradora acerca del 'miedo a la desconexión' y cómo se relaciona con la vergüenza?
-Descubrió que el miedo a la desconexión es una forma de vergüenza, una preocupación de que si otras personas conocen ciertas cosas sobre uno, no serán dignos de conexión.
¿Cuál fue el enfoque de la oradora al enfrentarse al concepto de vulnerabilidad?
-Inicialmente, la oradora odiaba la vulnerabilidad y quería superarla con su 'vara de medición', es decir,希望通过研究来控制 y predecir la vulnerabilidad.
¿Qué hallazgos significativos surgieron de su investigación sobre la gente que vivió con un fuerte sentido de pertenencia y amor propio?
-Descubrió que estas personas tenían un sentido de valentía, compasión y conexión. Aceptaban su imperfección, eran compasivos con sí mismos y con otros, y estaban dispuestos a dejar ir lo que pensaban que debían ser para ser quienes son.
¿Qué implicaciones tuvo la investigación para la vida personal de la oradora?
-La investigación llevó a la oradora a una crisis personal, donde tuvo que aceptar la vulnerabilidad como una parte esencial de la vida y no simplemente como algo a combatir o controlar.
¿Cómo describe la oradora la relación entre la vulnerabilidad y los Placeres de la vida?
-La oradora describe la vulnerabilidad como el lugar de nacimiento tanto de emociones difíciles como de Placeres como la alegría, la creatividad, el amor y la pertenencia.
¿Qué estrategias utiliza la oradora para explicar cómo lidiar con la vulnerabilidad en la vida moderna?
-Propone que debemos dejar de anestesiar nuestra vulnerabilidad, dejar de hacer que lo incierto sea cierto, dejar de culpar y comenzar a creer que somos suficientes como estamos.
Outlines
🎤 Identidad de un narrador de historias
El narrador comienza con una anécdota sobre un planificador de eventos que luchaba por definirlo en un volante. Se plantea la dicotomía entre ser un investigador y un narrador de historias. A pesar de su formación académica en trabajo social y su inclinación a ordenar y medir las cosas, decide aceptar el título de 'investigador narrador'. Explica que sus investigaciones están centradas en la conexión humana, y cómo la desconexión y la vergüenza pueden desafiar esta percepción. La vergüenza se presenta como el miedo a la desconexión y a ser insuficientes. La narrativa se enfoca en la importancia de la conexión y cómo la vergüenza y la vulnerabilidad afectan nuestra capacidad para sentirnos conectados.
🔍 Desentrañando la vergüenza y la vulnerabilidad
El narrador describe su misión de entender la vergüenza y la vulnerabilidad, y cómo estos sentimientos pueden impedir la conexión. Tras seis años de investigación y análisis de historias, concluye que la clave para sentirse conectado y amado radica en la creencia de que se es digno de amor y pertenencia. Define a las personas que viven con un fuerte sentido de dignidad como 'gente de corazón entero', quienes tienen el coraje de ser imperfectos, la compasión de ser bondadosos con sí mismos y con los demás, y la capacidad de conectarse auténticamente con otros. Esta sección destaca la importancia de abrazar la vulnerabilidad como elemento esencial de la humanidad.
🌟 La importancia de la vulnerabilidad y el despertar espiritual
Aquí, el narrador comparte su lucha personal con la vulnerabilidad y cómo su enfoque de control y predicción habitual se enfrentó a la idea de vivir con vulnerabilidad. Describe su 'despertar espiritual' como un proceso difícil y no lineal de aceptar la vulnerabilidad como una parte esencial de la vida. Al buscar ayuda terapéutica, se enfrenta a su propia resistencia a la vulnerabilidad y comienza a entenderla como una fuente de creatividad, alegría y amor, más que simplemente un riesgo o una debilidad.
🚫 Numbing the Pain: Los peligros de anestesiar la vulnerabilidad
En este párrafo, el narrador explora cómo anestesiamos la vulnerabilidad en nuestra vida cotidiana, y las consecuencias negativas de esta práctica. Describe cómo intentar evitar la vulnerabilidad puede llevar a comportamientos nocivos, como el sobrepeso, la adicción y el consumo excesivo de medicamentos. Argumenta que no podemos anestesiar solo los sentimientos negativos sin anestesiar también los positivos, lo que lleva a una vida menos plena y más cíclica de dolor y búsqueda de anestesia. También critica la tendencia a hacer todo lo incierto cierto, como la polarización en la política y la religión, y cómo esto refleja una falta de diálogo y comprensión.
🌱 Practicando la autenticidad y la gratitud
El narrador concluye con una reflexión sobre la importancia de ser vistos profundamente, incluso en nuestra vulnerabilidad, y el desafío de amar con todo el corazón sin garantías. Aboga por la práctica de la gratitud y la alegría en momentos de incertidumbre y terror, y cómo esto puede ayudarnos a sentirnos vivos y conectados. También enfatiza la idea de creer en nuestra propia suficientez, lo que puede transformar nuestras relaciones y hacernos más compasivos con los demás y con nosotros mismos.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Storyteller
💡Conexión
💡Desconexión
💡Vulnerabilidad
💡Vergüenza
💡Valor propio
💡Coraje
💡Compasión
💡Autoaceptación
💡Anestesiar
Highlights
The speaker was initially labeled as a researcher but worried that it would be perceived as boring and irrelevant.
The event planner decided to call the speaker a 'storyteller', which resonated more with the speaker's approach.
The speaker identifies as a researcher-storyteller, collecting stories that are 'data with a soul'.
The research began with a focus on 'connection', viewing it as a fundamental human need.
Negative experiences of disconnection often overshadow positive experiences of connection.
Shame was identified as the primary barrier to connection, defined as the fear of disconnection.
The speaker committed to spending a year researching shame to understand and outsmart it.
Vulnerability was found to be at the core of shame and fear, yet also essential for connection.
The speaker's research revealed that those with a strong sense of worthiness believe they are worthy of love and belonging.
Wholehearted living involves courage, compassion, and connection.
Vulnerability was redefined as a strength, necessary for living wholeheartedly.
The speaker experienced a personal struggle with vulnerability, leading to a spiritual awakening.
Vulnerability cannot be selectively numbed; numbing negative emotions also numbs positive ones.
The speaker suggests that numbing vulnerability through addiction and other means is rampant in society.
Certainty is used as a defense mechanism against vulnerability, seen in areas like religion and politics.
The speaker argues that we should raise children to embrace their imperfections and struggles.
The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of authenticity and believing in one's own worth.
Transcripts
[Music]
[Applause]
so I'll start with this a couple years
ago an event planner called me because I
was going to do a speaking event and she
called and she said I'm really
struggling with how to write about you
on the little flyer and I thoughtwell
what's the struggle and she said
well I saw you speak and I I I I'm going
to call you a researcher I think but I'm
afraid if I call you a researcher no one
will come because they'll think you're
boring and
irrelevant and I like okay and she said
so but the thing I liked about your talk
is you know you're a Storyteller so I
think what I'll do is just call you a
Storyteller and of course the academic
insecure part of me was like you're
going to call me a what and she said I'm
going to call you a Storyteller and I
was like oh why not m magic pixie um I
was like I I don't I let me think about
this for a second and so I tried to call
Deep on my courage and I thought you
know I am a Storyteller I'm a
qualitative researcher I collect stories
that's what I do and maybe stories are
just data with a soul you know and maybe
I'm just a Storyteller so I said you
know what why not you just say I'm a
researcher Storyteller and she
went there's no such thing
so I'm a researcher or Storyteller um
and I'm going to talk to you today we're
talking about expanding perception and
so I want to talk to you and tell some
stories about a piece of my research
that fundamentally expanded my
perception um and really actually
changed the way that I live and love and
work and parent um and this is where my
story starts when I was a young
researcher doctoral student my first
year I had a research Professor who said
to us here here's the thing if you
cannot measure it it does not
exist and I thought he was just sweet
talking to me I was like really and he's
like absolutely so you have to
understand that I have a bachelor's in
social work a master's in social work
and I was getting my PHD in social work
so my entire academic career was
surrounded by people who kind of
believed in the life's
messy love it you know and I'm more the
life's messy clean it up
organize it and put it into a Bento Box
um and so to think that I had found my
way to found a career that takes me you
know really one of the big sayings in in
social work is lean into the discomfort
of the work and I'm like you know knock
discomfort upside the head and move it
over and get all A's that's my that was
my
Mantra so I was very excited about this
and so I thought you know what this is
the career for me because I am
interested in some messy topics but I
want to be able to make them not messy I
want to understand them I want to hack
into these things that I know are
important and lay the code out for
everyone to see so where I started was
with connection because by the time
you're a social worker for 10 years what
you realize is that connection is why
we're here it's what gives purpose and
meaning to our
lives this is this is what it's all
about it doesn't matter whether you talk
to people who work in social justice and
mental health and abuse and neglect what
we know is that connection the ability
to feel
connected is neurobiologically that's
how we're wired it's why we're here so I
thought you know what I'm going to start
with
connection well you know that that
situation where you get an evaluation
from your boss and she tells you 37
things that you do really awesome and
one thing that you can't you know an
opportunity for
growth um and all you think about is
that opportunity for growth right well
apparently this is the way my work went
as well because when you ask people
about love they tell you about
heartbreak when you ask people about
belonging they'll tell you their most
excruciating experiences of being
excluded and when you ask people about
connection the stories they told me were
about
disconnection so very quickly really
about six weeks into this research I ran
into this unnamed thing that absolutely
unraveled
Connection in a way that I didn't
understand or had never seen and so I
pulled back out of the research and
thought I need to figure out what this
is and it turned out to be
shame and shame is really easily
understood as the fear of disconnection
is there something about me that if
other people know it or see it that I
won't be worthy of connection the things
I can tell you about it it's Universal
we all have it the only people who don't
experience shame have no capacity for
human empathy or connection no one wants
to talk about it and the less you talk
about it the more you have
it what underpinned this shame this I'm
not good enough which we all know that
feeling I'm not blank enough I'm not
thin enough Rich enough beautiful enough
smart enough promoted enough um the
thing that underpinned this was
excruciating
vulnerability this
idea of an order for connection to
happen we have to allow ourselves to be
seen really
seen and you know how I feel about
vulnerability I hate vulnerability and
so I thought this is my chance to beat
it back with my measuring stick I'm
going in I'm going to figure this stuff
out I'm going to spend a year I'm going
to totally deconstruct shame I'm going
to understand how vulnerability works
and I'm going to outsmart
it so I was ready and I was really
excited
as you know it's not going to turn out
well
um you know this so I could tell you a
lot about shame but I'd have to borrow
everyone else's time but here's what I
can tell you that it boils down to and
this may be one of the most important
things that I've ever learned in the
decade of doing this
research my one year has turned into six
years thousands of stories hundreds of
long interviews focused groups at one
point people were sending me journal
pages and sending me their stories um
thousands of pieces of
data um and six years and I kind of got
a handle on it I kind of understood this
is what shame is this is how it
works I wrote a book I published a
theory but something was not okay um and
what it was is that if I roughly took
the people I interviewed and divided
them into
people who really have a sense of
worthiness that's what this comes down
to a sense of worthiness they have a
strong sense of love and belonging and
folks who struggle for it and folks who
are always wondering if they're good
enough there was only one variable that
separated the people who have a strong
sense of love and belonging and the
people who really struggle for it and
that was the people who have a strong
sense of love and belonging believe
they're worthy of love and belonging
that's
it they believe they're Worthy
and to me the hard part
of the one thing that keeps us out of
connection is our fear that we're not
worthy of
connection was something that personally
and professionally I felt like I needed
to understand
better so what I
did is I took all of the interviews
where I saw worthiness where I saw
people living that way and just looked
at those what do these people have in
common and I have I have a slight office
apply addiction but it's another talk um
so I had a manila notebook a manila
folder and I had a Sharpie and I was
like what am I going to call this
research and the first words that came
to my mind were
wholehearted these are kind of
wholehearted people living from this
deep sense of worthiness so I wrote at
the top of the manila
folder and I started looking at the data
in fact I did it first in this very four
in a
4-day very intensive data analysis where
I went back pulled these interviews
pulled the stories pulled the incidents
what's the what's the theme what's the
pattern my husband left town with the
kids um because I always go into this
kind of Jackson poock crazy thing where
I'm just like writing and and going and
kind of just in my researcher
mode and so here's what I
found what they had in common was a
sense of courage and I want to separate
courage and bravery for you for a minute
Courage the original definition of
courage when it first came into the
English language it's from the Latin
word c meaning heart and the original
definition was to tell the story of who
you are with your whole
heart and so these folks had very simply
the courage to be
imperfect they had the compassion to be
kind to themselves first and then to
others because as it turns out we can't
practice compassion with other people if
we can't treat ourselves kindly and the
last was they had connection and this
was the hard part as a result of
authenticity they were willing to let go
of who they thought they should be in
order to be who they were which is you
have to absolutely do that for
connection the other thing that they had
in
common was
this they fully embraced
vulnerability
they believed
that what made them vulnerable made them
beautiful they didn't talk about
vulnerability being comfortable nor did
they really talk about it being
excruciating as I had heard earlier in
the shame interviewing they just talked
about it being
necessary they talked about the
willingness to say I love you
first the willingness
to do something where there are no
guarantees
the
willingness to breathe through waiting
for the doctor to call after your
mamogram the willing to invest in a
relationship that may or may not work
out they thought this was
fundamental I personally thought it was
betrayal um I could not believe I had
pledged allegiance to
research where our job you know the
definition of research is to control
control and prict to study phenomenon
for the reason for the explicit reason
to control and predict and now my very
you know my mission to control and
predict had turned up the answer that
the way to live is with vulnerability
and to stop controlling and predicting
this led
to a little
breakdown which actually looked more
like this um and it did it led to a I
call to break down my therapist calls it
a spiritual
awakening Spiritual Awakening sounds
better than breakdown but I assure you
it was a breakdown and I had to put my
data away and go find a therapist let me
tell you something you know who you are
when you call your friends and say I
think I need to see somebody who do you
have any
recommendations because about five of my
friends are like woo I wouldn't want to
be your therapist
um and I was like what does that mean
and they're like I they're just saying
you know like don't bring your measuring
dick
uh like
okay so I found a therapist my first
meeting with her
Diana I brought in my list of the way
the wholehearted live and I sat down and
she said you know how are you and I said
I'm great you know I'm I'm I'm okay and
she said what's going on and I said and
this is a therapist who sees therapists
because we have to go to those because
they're being yes meters are good
um and so I said here's the thing I'm
struggling and she said what's the
struggle and I said well I have a
vulnerability issue and you know and I
know that vulnerability is kind of the
core of Shame and fear and our struggle
for worthiness but it appears that it's
also the birthplace of joy of
creativity of belonging of love and I I
think I have a problem
and I just I need some help and I said
but here's the thing no family stuff no
childhood I
just I just need some
[Music]
strategies thank you
um so she goes like this
and then I said it's bad right she said
it's neither good nor
bad it just is what it is and I said oh
my God this is GNA suck
um and it did and it didn't um and it
took about a
year and you know how there are people
that like when they realize that
vulnerability and tenderness are
important that they kind of surrender
and walk into it a that's not me and B I
don't even hang out with people like
that
um for me it was a year-long street
fight it was a slugfest vulnerability
pushed I pushed back I
lost um the fight but probably won my
life back and so then I went back into
the research and spent the next couple
of years really trying to understand
what they the wholehearted um what the
choices they were making and and what
what is what what are we doing with
vulnerability why do we struggle with it
so much am I alone in struggling with
vulnerability no so this is what I
learned we numb
vulnerability when we're waiting for the
call it was funny I sent something out
on Twitter and on Facebook that says how
would you define vulnerability what
makes you feel vulnerable and within an
hour and a half I had 150
responses um because I wanted to know
you know what's out there
having to ask my husband for help
because I'm sick and we're newly married
um initiating sex with my husband
initiating sex with my wife being turned
down asking someone out waiting for the
doctor to call back getting laid off
laying off people this is the world we
live in we live in a vulnerable World um
and one of the ways we deal with it is
we numb
vulnerability and I think there's
evidence
and it's not the only reason this
evidence exists but I think that there
it's a a huge cause we
are the most
inbt
obese
addicted and medicated adult cohort in
US
history the problem is and I learned
this from the
research that you cannot selectively
numb emotion you can't say here's the
bad stuff here's vulnerability here's
grief here's shame here's fear here's
disappointment I don't want to feel
these I'm going to have a couple of
beers and a banana nut
muffin I don't want to feel these and I
know that's I know that's knowing
laughter I I hack to your lives for a
living I know that's god
um you can't numb those hard feelings
without numbing the other aects or
emotions you cannot selectively numb so
when we numb
those we numb
joy we numb gratitude we numb
happiness and then we are miserable and
we are looking for purpose and meaning
and then we feel vulnerable so then we
have a couple of beers and a banana that
muffin and it becomes this dangerous
cycle
um one of the things that I think that
we need to think about is why and how we
numb and it doesn't just have to be
addiction
the other thing we do is we make
everything that's uncertain
certain religion has gone from a belief
in faith and mystery to certainty I'm
right you're wrong shut
up that's
it just
certain the more afraid we are the more
vulnerable we are the more afraid we are
this is what politics looks like today
there's no discourse anymore there's no
conversation there's just blame you know
what blame you know how blame is
described in the
research a way to discharge pain and
discomfort we perfect if there's anyone
who wants their life to look like this
it would be me but it doesn't work
because what we do is we take fat from
our butts and put it in our
cheeks which just I hope in a 100 years
people will look back and go wow you
know um and we perfect most most
dangerously our children let me tell you
what we think about children they're
hardwired for struggle when they get
here when you hold those perfect little
babies in your hand our job is not to
say look at her she's perfect my job is
just to keep her perfect make sure she
makes a tennis team by fifth grade and
yell by seventh grade that's not our job
our job is to look and say you know what
you're imperfect and you're wired for
struggle but you are worthy of love and
belonging that's our job show me a
generation of kids raised like that and
we'll end the problems I think that we
see today we
pretend that what we do doesn't have an
effect on
people we do that in our personal lives
we do that corporate whether it's a
bailout an oil
spill a recall we pretend like what
we're doing doesn't have a huge impact
on other
people I would say to companies this is
not our first rodeo
people we just need you to be authentic
and real and say
we're sorry we'll fix
it but there's another way and I'll
leave you with this this is what I have
found to let ourselves be seen deeply
seen vulnerably
seen to love with our whole hearts even
though there's no
guarantee and that's really hard and I
can tell you as a parent that's
excruciatingly
difficult to practice gratitude and joy
in those moments of kind of Terror when
we're wondering can I love you this much
can I believe in this as passionately
can I be this Fierce about this just to
be able to stop and instead of
catastrophizing what might happen to say
I'm just so
grateful because to feel this vulnerable
means I'm
alive and the last which I think is
probably the most
important is to believe that we're
enough because when we work from a place
I believe that says I'm enough
then we stop screaming and start
listening we're Kinder and gentler to
the people around us and we're Kinder
and gentler to
ourselves that's all I have thank you
[Music]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
sharing that's video on the human
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