3 Easy Steps To Become A Cool Person (Explained With Science)

Summary

This video explains how to become a popular student by balancing fear and admiration. It presents three methods to make others fear you, such as excelling in sports or rejecting social invitations, and three ways to make people love you, including standing out through subtle style choices and building female social capital. The video emphasizes using techniques like personality differentiation and persuasion to earn both respect and friendship, helping students achieve a balanced reputation of being both loved and feared.

Takeaways

• ⚽ Use sports to build fear among peers: Participating in physically demanding sports can make others see you as tough and capable.
• 👊 Mild to severe sports create different levels of fear: Sports like basketball or weightlifting build strength, while combat sports like boxing or wrestling make you feared.
• 😎 Do what you want to build respect: Being disciplined and focused on your goals, like working out, will earn respect from peers and make you more attractive.
• 👋 Reactive attachment: Saying 'no' to hanging out because you're committed to your routine increases your desirability, especially among girls.
• 🧠 Use social rejection wisely: Debating controversial topics confidently can make others fear engaging with you, enhancing your reputation.
• 🎭 Personality differentiation: Stand out through subtle changes in your style, such as wearing a unique accessory, to attract more attention.
• 💼 Social capital: Building relationships with females can boost your popularity, and joining classes with a higher ratio of women can help.
• 📚 Choose the right classes strategically: Medical science, general education, and social science classes have higher female participation, increasing chances for friendships.
• 😊 Persuasion techniques: Use techniques like positive gossip, remembering names, and specific compliments to make others like you.
• 📝 Personalize conversations: Keeping track of details about people's hobbies and interests makes your interactions more engaging, leading to instant likability.

Q & A

What was the main focus of the research conducted by the University of Connecticut in 2019?

The research aimed to understand why certain kids in school were popular and why others weren't. It found that the most popular students were both loved and feared by their peers.

What is the perceived superiority effect, and how does it relate to sports?

The perceived superiority effect occurs when people spread rumors or highlight the skills of individuals to make them seem unbeatable, increasing fear and admiration. In sports, excelling in a sport can make others perceive you as superior, which can increase your popularity and make others fear you.

Which sports are categorized as 'mild,' 'moderate,' and 'severe' in terms of creating fear among students?

Mild sports include basketball and weightlifting, which increase physical reputation. Moderate sports include contact sports like American football and rugby, which make you appear tougher. Severe sports include combat sports like boxing and wrestling, which give you a reputation of being someone not to mess with.

How does reactive attachment make someone more attractive to others?

Reactive attachment refers to becoming more attractive by being less available or harder to get. By sticking to a disciplined routine, like going to the gym, and turning down social invitations, you can appear more determined and stand apart, making you more attractive.

How can practicing debate help create fear among other students?

Practicing debate helps you become better under pressure and more dominant in discussions. As you improve, others will start fearing being socially rejected or losing arguments when around you, increasing their fear of challenging you.

What is personality differentiation, and how can it help in becoming popular?

Personality differentiation involves making yourself stand out from others in subtle ways, such as through your style. By differentiating yourself with something unique but not overly flashy, like a stylish watch, you can become more approachable and popular.

How does social capital with female friends influence popularity?

Social capital with female friends refers to having a large circle of female acquaintances. Research shows that students with more female friends tend to be more popular. Joining classes that have a higher ratio of females, such as medical science or social science, can help increase female social capital.

What are the five persuasion techniques to make students love you?

The five persuasion techniques are: 1) Share positive gossip about others to boost both their and your reputation. 2) Use someone's name when greeting them and saying goodbye. 3) Compliment specific things they care about. 4) Remember and ask about important events they mention. 5) Take note of the hobbies and interests of popular students and ask about them.

Why is it important to balance being feared and loved to become a popular student?

Balancing fear and love is important because it creates a dual reputation where students respect your strength and discipline, but also enjoy your company. This balance makes you both intimidating and approachable, increasing your popularity.

What role does style play in becoming a popular student?

Style plays a role in personality differentiation, which makes you unique and approachable. A subtle yet distinct style, such as wearing a stylish accessory like a watch, helps elevate your status without drawing negative attention, making you more popular.

Outlines

00:00

😎 Becoming Popular by Balancing Love and Fear

In 2019, researchers from the University of Connecticut studied why some students were more popular than others. Popular students were both loved and feared. This video discusses three ways to make students fear you and three ways to make students love you, positioning you as a popular figure. The first method for gaining fear is through sports. By excelling in physical activities, much like medieval warriors who spread rumors about their prowess, students can build a reputation that instills fear in others. The video categorizes sports into mild, moderate, and severe, recommending combat sports like wrestling and boxing for maximum intimidation.

05:00

💪 Building Respect through Determination and Discipline

Another key to popularity is making students respect you by doing what you want and staying committed to your goals. A personal example is provided where the narrator started working out at 13 and became obsessed with fitness. This determination led to increased respect and attraction, especially from girls, as they saw him as highly disciplined. The advice is to reject social invitations and stick to your fitness routine, which will elevate your status in the eyes of peers, particularly females, who will admire your persistence and strength.

🤝 Mastering Debates to Command Fear through Social Rejection

Social rejection is another way to make people fear you. The video explains how being rejected by peers reduces popularity, while rejecting others can boost fear. The narrator advises becoming skilled in debates, learning to argue complex topics, and practicing daily by taking opposing viewpoints. This will allow you to dominate discussions in class, making others reluctant to challenge you and ultimately enhancing your feared reputation.

🌟 Using Personality Differentiation to Stand Out

To be loved by others, personality differentiation is essential. This involves making yourself stand out subtly, especially through style. Rather than extreme or flashy differences, such as dyeing hair in unusual colors, the narrator recommends investing in subtle accessories like a high-quality watch. A personal example is given of how a watch can elevate status and be a conversation starter, making it an excellent differentiator for building popularity.

👩‍🎓 Leveraging Female Social Capital for Popularity

Female social capital, or being friends with a lot of females, is crucial for popularity. To quickly build these relationships, the narrator suggests joining classes where the majority of students are women, such as medical sciences, general education, and social sciences. This strategic approach will allow you to meet more girls and develop friendships, thereby increasing your popularity by association.

🤝 Five Persuasion Techniques to Make People Love You

The final tip focuses on five proven persuasion techniques to make others love you. These include sharing positive gossip, using people's names, complimenting specific details, remembering important dates or events, and recalling people's interests. By practicing these techniques, you will quickly build rapport with others and become more popular. The narrator notes that these tactics have been effective throughout his life in forming strong relationships.

Keywords

💡Perceived Superiority Effect

The 'perceived superiority effect' refers to the tactic of making others believe you are stronger or more skilled than you actually are. In the video, it is used in the context of sports, where athletes build a reputation through rumors or performance, making others fear them. The speaker suggests using this in school sports to elevate status and popularity.

💡Reactive Attachment

'Reactive attachment' is a psychological concept that refers to becoming more attractive by being emotionally unavailable or less accessible. The speaker advises students to develop this quality by dedicating time to activities like working out, making others admire their discipline and strength. By refusing social invitations, students create a sense of mystery and appeal.

💡Social Rejection

Social rejection is the act of excluding or dismissing others, which can be a powerful social tool. The speaker suggests using it strategically to make others fear and respect you by rejecting them in debates or discussions, enhancing your perceived authority and dominance in social settings.

💡Personality Differentiation

'Personality differentiation' refers to standing out from others through unique traits, behaviors, or styles. In the video, the speaker emphasizes using subtle differences in appearance, such as wearing a distinctive watch, to make oneself more memorable and attractive. This technique is suggested as a way to make others gravitate toward you socially.

💡Social Capital

Social capital refers to the value derived from social networks and relationships. In the video, the speaker discusses how having many female friends can enhance a student's popularity, as being connected with women increases desirability and social status. This concept encourages students to join classes where they can build connections with more female peers.

💡Persuasion Techniques

Persuasion techniques are strategies used to influence others' thoughts and actions. The video outlines five specific methods, such as sharing positive gossip, using people's names, and remembering details about their lives. These techniques are presented as ways to increase likeability and build strong relationships with peers, enhancing popularity.

💡Combat Sports

Combat sports, such as boxing and wrestling, are used in the video as an example of 'severe sports' that instill fear in others. By participating in these physically intense activities, students can project an image of strength and toughness, deterring others from challenging them and increasing their popularity through fear.

💡Networking

Networking is the act of building and maintaining social connections. In the video, the speaker mentions wearing a high-quality watch as a way to fit in with 'high net worth individuals,' implying that having the right social tools can help students build valuable connections and elevate their social status.

💡Female Social Capital

'Female social capital' refers to the social value gained from having many female friends. The video explains that popular students tend to have more female friends, which increases their desirability and influence in the social hierarchy. This concept encourages students to strategically choose classes that are predominantly female to build these connections.

💡Debating Skills

Debating skills refer to the ability to argue and discuss complex topics effectively. The speaker encourages students to practice debating difficult topics with family and friends as a way to build confidence and authority in public settings. By mastering this skill, students can dominate conversations, making others fear challenging them in social situations.

Highlights

Researchers from the University of Connecticut explored why certain students were popular and found that the most popular were both loved and feared.

Using sports can help students become feared by their peers, as physical prowess enhances reputation and influence.

The concept of the perceived superiority effect can be applied in school sports, making students more popular as they become feared.

Combat sports like boxing and wrestling are suggested to create the most fear among peers due to their association with physical dominance.

Reactive attachment is a phenomenon where being less available increases others' respect and attention, especially from girls.

Developing a strong gym routine and rejecting social invitations to train can increase popularity by showing discipline and determination.

Debating skills can be used to create fear by dominating classroom discussions and making others hesitant to speak up.

Social rejection can be a powerful tool, as fear of rejection makes others wary of those who master debating and argumentation.

Personality differentiation, such as through style and accessories, can make students more popular by standing out subtly but effectively.

Using a unique yet subtle style can attract attention and make others want to engage, contributing to increased popularity.

Female social capital, or having many female friends, is a key factor in becoming more popular in school.

Choosing classes with a high ratio of girls, like medical science or social science, can increase opportunities to form female friendships.

Positive gossip can improve the reputation of others and enhance the gossiper's status.

Using people's names frequently can make them feel acknowledged and liked, strengthening social bonds.

Tracking and remembering details about others' lives, such as exams or hobbies, can make students feel cared for and boost likability.

Transcripts

in 2019 researchers from the University

of Connecticut wanted to figure out why

certain kids in school were popular and

why others weren't but the most popular

students well they were both loved and

feared so in today's video I will show

you how to become a popular student by

showing you three ways to make students

fear you and three ways to make students

love you so you are right in the middle

and you become that popular student

everyone wants to hang out with one use

Sports to make others fear you you see

in medieval times Warlords would use the

perceived superiority effect to make

other people afraid they did this by

spreading rumors about their best

warriors to make those Warriors seem

unbeatable this tactic made the Warlords

Warriors more popular and it increased

the fear that others had of them this

exact same strategy Works in sports

while you're in school because as you

progress in a sport people will start

talking more about you and then they

will start to fear you so I'm going to

show you six Sports that are great for

making other students fear you from the

least feared to the most feared in the

first category we have mild Sports and

while they might not scare other

students it will increase your

reputation for being physically strong

these include sports like basketball or

weightlifting next category are moderate

Sports these will make you appear

tougher and highly competitive these

include contact sports like American

football and rugby and then the final

category we have severe Sports which

will give you the reputation of somebody

they should not be messed with because

you can handle yourself in a fight these

would include Combat Sports like boxing

and wrestling depending on your

situation you'll want to choose a sport

that's the highest on the chart to make

other students fear you and increase

your popularity and that simply students

are now going to start fearing you which

will make you more popular more

attractive but there are still two more

things I need to show you to become

truly feared by other students two do

what you want to make other students

respect you when you become harder to

get you become more attractive to girls

around you this is a phenomenon

scientists called reactive attachment

I'm going to show you how to use this

phenomenon to get more attention from

the girls in your school I started

working out when I was 13 years old and

at that time I remember I would go after

school to the gym for about an hour and

that started becoming this addictive

routine or habit that I would do every

single day and personally I just didn't

want to break it I was addicted and it

got so obsessive that I reached the

point that I would never skip a day

Monday through Sunday from there to

things happen that I didn't foresee

think about it if you start doing it

your friends are going to start asking

you to hang out but when you're that

obsessed of doing whatever you want

you're probably going to say no because

you want to go to the gym and what's

going to happen when the girls ask yo

why did Jose come they're going to be

like oh he's at the gym think about how

girls will start thinking of you you're

going to be that highly disciplined dude

that stands apart from everyone else of

course after that you're going to have

more and more friends or more and more

girls asking you to hang out and if you

can stick to it and continue to say no

and will show them that you're a strong

guy that's stuck to your determination

and not like any other dude that will

jump on the opportunity to hang out with

a girl and that will only make them want

you more so if you want to use reactive

attachment just like I did back when I

started weightlifting I want you to

start working out after school for an

hour every single day then whenever a

friend or a girl asks you to hang out

after school make sure you say you can't

because you're heading to the gym over

time if you don't break you're going to

earn more and more respect girls will

become more and more interested in you

especially if you turn them down three

use social rejection to make people

think twice whenever they're around you

you see the more rejected You Are by

those around you the less popular you

become this is what makes people

terrified of being socially rejected so

I'm going to show you how to use this

fear of social rejection to make people

fear you to do this you need to become

good at debating complicated topics

ideas or issues and look you can start

practicing every day you can do it by

just taking the the opposite opinion of

anything your parents your older

siblings or even your friends have to

say now if you don't want to make things

awkward politically with your parents or

something crazy like that you can always

just tell them that you're practicing

your skills so they don't get like super

mad or awkward between you right the

point is over time you're going to

become better and better when Under

Pressure which means that when you're

put in a situation when you have to

debate someone in school or in the

middle of a class discussing a topic you

will dominate them and then everyone

will be too scared to speak up when

around you up until now you have now

built your reputation as a student that

will be feared and respected using the

perceived superiority effect reactive

attachment and social rejection which

means now I have to show you how to make

students love you so we can balance the

equation and you can become the most

popular and attractive student at your

campus this takes me to number four you

need to use personality differentiation

to make people want to talk to you

personality differentiation

refers to making yourself look unique to

stand out from others and make you more

popular now one of the easiest and most

common ways to use personality

differentiation is through your style so

I'm going to show you how to

differentiate your style to make people

love you and want to talk to you to

start you need to find something subtle

that also makes you unique the reason I

say subtle and this is key is because

while you might know some kid that's

popular because that he dresses good or

has good style you probably know some

other kid that is also really welln but

isn't popular because they dye their

hair some random blue or purple color

just to be different so what I always

suggest and what I did is play it safe

especially upgrading your accessory game

with something that can be work with all

your outfits like a highquality necklace

or a nice watch I'll give you an example

I've been wearing this watch from Aura

for a while now and you have to

understand I'm always networking with

like high net worth individuals and

every time I wear it it always just fits

in perfectly in any room I go that's

because the design is unique it

resembles kind of like an AP which is

what I like but it's insanely affordable

but what I love about watches and i' and

I've been wearing them since I was about

14 15 years old is that it's a

differentiator think about it how many

guys do you know wear a nice watch that

elevates their status maybe one that is

a good differentiator that you can now

use with every single outfit now here's

the best part even though the AA watch

looks expensive like an AP it doesn't

come for that price not even close it's

actually insanely affordable and if

you're a student on a budget it's the

best place to start when it comes to

elevating your style and differentiating

yourself and I want to show you just how

nice these watches are cuz I mean you

can tell they look good they look good

with every outfit I throw them on now if

I were you I would run to pick up an AA

watch and elevate my style immediately

to differentiate yourself from every

other guy and right now there's a

special discount code that's going to

make it even more affordable if you guys

want to check out Ora watches I'm going

to link down below the ones that I have

in my collection so you can go pick them

up and start leveling up today five use

Social Capital to make people desperate

to want to be your friend what

researchers also found in the same study

is that the most popular students had

female Social Capital meaning they were

friends with a lot of females so I'm

going to show you what the quickest way

to make more females friends as quick as

possible just by joining the right

classes now this doesn't mean I want you

to join classes like home education or

cooking because I promise you most men

are thinking the same way and those

classes end up being like 80% men

instead I want you to be more strategic

and join classes that have been

scientifically proven to have a higher

ratio of women I'll give you three good

examples any class that's in medical

science proven to be taken by 84% of

women general education proven to be up

to 72% girl and social science also

proven to be up to 63% girls you do

those classes and you're to make more

female friends faster think about it

when you do a group project the chances

of most of them being girls are

extremely high number six use the five

persuasion techniques to make students

love you I remember when I was in school

I read every book Under the Sun that I

could find to make people love me to

persuade them and most of the tips I

learned I've used my entire life now

instead of telling you to go read those

10 bucks I'm going to give you a quick

30-second breakdown of all of them first

share positive gossip of people around

you to increase their reputation and

yours Second Use someone's name when you

see them for the first time that day and

then again at the end of the day when

you say goodbye third compliment the

specific thing you notice they spend a

lot of time on for a girl it could be

her makeup or her hair for a guy it

could be his style or the gains he's

making in the gym four jot down any

important notes in your calendar if a

girl tells you about an important exam

she has coming up strategically ask her

about the exam that day of and then a

day after so she knows you were

listening and five write down important

information about the most popular kids

like what their Hobbies what their

interests are this is a sales tactic

actually and then anytime you talk about

them always bring up that topic ask

questions about them and they'll

instantly like you it's crazy that ever

since I've learned all these techniques

I use all of them every day till this

day to make people instantly like me and

if you do this and the other five tips

you'll be both loved and feared by

everyone around you and that is what

makes you popular and attractive