After This You'll Change How You Do Everything! - Tony Robbins

Summary

The speaker emphasizes the importance of focusing on what truly matters in life, such as personal development, health, relationships, and business mastery, rather than trivial pursuits. They argue that emotions, intimate relationships, and financial stability are crucial to living a fulfilling life. The speaker also highlights the significance of spiritual growth and giving, suggesting that these elements contribute to a sense of aliveness. They stress that most people are not successful or fulfilled because they dabble rather than master key areas of life. The speaker encourages viewers to measure their success by their ability to achieve and fulfill, and to make decisions that lead to a life of abundance and joy.

Takeaways

• 🚶‍♂️ Prioritize Personal Development: The speaker emphasizes the importance of focusing on personal growth rather than minor or trivial matters.
• 💪 Master Physical Health: The body is the foundation for all other aspects of life, and maintaining it is critical for success and vitality.
• 💰 Financial Mastery: Achieving financial stability and abundance is essential to live without stress and to share and give freely.
• 💞 Importance of Relationships: Intimate relationships are a source of great joy and pain, and mastering them is crucial for a fulfilling life.
• 🏆 Mastery Over Dabbling: Most businesses and individuals dabble rather than master their field, which is why many do not achieve long-term success or enjoyment.
• 🌱 Spiritual Growth: Spirituality is about living and giving, and it should lead to personal growth and contribution to others.
• 🧘‍♂️ Control Over Emotions: Emotions play a significant role in life quality; mastering them can lead to a more positive and fulfilling life.
• 🎯 Setting Life Targets: Identifying and pursuing personal goals and dreams is essential for a directed and meaningful life.
• 🌐 Understanding Human Needs: Recognizing and balancing the six human needs (certainty, uncertainty, significance, love, growth, contribution) can guide life decisions.
• 🤔 Reflecting on Metrics: Evaluating life by certain metrics, such as personal state and fulfillment, is more important than superficial achievements.
• 🛠️ Science of Achievement: There is a skill set to achieving goals, which can be learned and applied to manifest one's vision into reality.
• 🎨 Art of Fulfillment: Fulfillment is a personal and diverse experience, unlike achievement, which follows more universal principles.
• 🔄 Decisions Over Conditions: It is the decisions we make, rather than the conditions we encounter, that have the most significant impact on our lives.
• 🙏 Focus on Service: Redirecting focus from oneself to serving others can alleviate suffering and bring about a more beautiful state of being.
• 🌈 Appreciation Over Expectations: Trading expectations for appreciation can lead to a richer and more fulfilling life in the present moment.

Q & A

What are the key areas of life that the speaker suggests people often neglect?

The speaker suggests that people often neglect areas such as personal development, health, relationships, business mastery, financial stability, and spiritual growth, instead focusing on trivial matters like celebrity gossip.

According to the speaker, why is it important to focus on personal energy and vitality?

The speaker emphasizes that personal energy and vitality are foundational to all aspects of life, including relationships and business. Without a strong foundation in these areas, success in other areas is less likely.

What does the speaker mean by 'mastering your emotions'?

Mastering emotions, according to the speaker, means being in control of one's emotional state and ensuring that it is conducive to a positive and fulfilling life. It involves not letting negative emotions like anger or frustration dominate one's life.

Why does the speaker argue that most businesses fail?

The speaker argues that most businesses fail because they are run by dabblers rather than masters. They do not fully commit to mastering their craft, which leads to a lack of success and enjoyment.

What is the speaker's view on the importance of money management?

The speaker believes that mastering money management is crucial so that it does not become a source of stress. It allows for a life of abundance where one can do, be, give, and share without financial constraints.

What does the speaker suggest about the relationship between personal growth and giving?

The speaker suggests that personal growth and giving are interconnected. As one grows, they feel more alive, and when they give, they feel even more alive, indicating a spiritual state of fulfillment.

What are the 'six human needs' that the speaker identifies?

The speaker identifies six human needs as certainty, uncertainty, significance, love, growth, and contribution. These needs are universal and influence individuals' goals and behaviors.

How does the speaker define an 'extraordinary life'?

An extraordinary life, according to the speaker, is one where an individual masters the skill of achievement and the art of fulfillment. It's not just about achieving goals but also about feeling fulfilled and enjoying the journey.

What is the speaker's advice on dealing with suffering?

The speaker advises that suffering can be ended by shifting focus from oneself to serving something greater, such as one's family, mission, or life purpose. This change in focus can instantly alleviate suffering.

What is the significance of the speaker's mention of Robin Williams?

The mention of Robin Williams serves as a poignant example of how achieving success does not guarantee fulfillment or happiness. Despite his accomplishments, Williams struggled with personal issues that led to his tragic end.

What is the core message the speaker wants to convey about decisions?

The core message is that decisions have a profound impact on our lives, often more so than external conditions. The speaker encourages making the decision to live in a beautiful state, regardless of circumstances.

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of living in the present moment?

The speaker emphasizes living in the present moment because it allows individuals to experience joy and fulfillment now, rather than always striving for future happiness that may never come.

What does the speaker mean by 'wealth is a decision'?

The speaker suggests that wealth is not just about financial abundance but also about a state of mind. One can feel wealthy by appreciating what they have and living in the present moment, regardless of material possessions.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Prioritizing Life's Essentials

The speaker emphasizes the importance of focusing on what truly matters in life, rather than getting caught up in trivial pursuits. They argue that physical health, emotional well-being, and meaningful relationships are paramount, as these foundations influence all other aspects of life. The speaker critiques the common mistake of valuing material wealth and fame over personal development and intimate connections. They advocate for mastering key areas of life, such as health, emotions, relationships, business, and spirituality, rather than merely dabbling in them. The message is clear: to live a fulfilling life, one must prioritize and excel in the areas that contribute most to personal happiness and growth.

05:00

🎯 The Art of Fulfillment and Achievement

This paragraph delves into the dual concepts of achievement and fulfillment, asserting that while many are adept at the 'science of achievement'—strategies and skills to attain goals—true fulfillment is an art that is more elusive and personal. The speaker highlights the tragic example of Robin Williams to illustrate that even immense success does not guarantee happiness. They stress the importance of making decisions that lead to a beautiful state of being, suggesting that suffering is a choice that can be overcome by focusing on serving others and living in the moment. The ultimate message is that an extraordinary life is one lived on one's own terms, with both the mastery of achievement and the heartfelt experience of fulfillment.

10:01

🌈 Choosing Joy in the Face of Uncertainty

The final paragraph discusses the human capacity for joy and fulfillment, even amidst life's inevitable hardships and uncertainties. The speaker challenges the belief that external circumstances dictate our happiness, instead proposing that our internal state of mind is what truly matters. They offer advice to shift focus from self-obsession to service, which can alleviate suffering and bring about immediate joy. The speaker encourages viewers to make the decision to live in a beautiful state, appreciating the present moment and finding ecstasy in simple pleasures. The takeaway is that wealth and success are not the keys to happiness; rather, it is the appreciation of life's moments and the decision to live joyfully that lead to a rich and fulfilling existence.

Keywords

💡Personal Development

Personal development refers to the process of improving one's skills, knowledge, and overall well-being. In the context of the video, it is highlighted as a critical area that people often neglect in favor of trivial pursuits like celebrity gossip. The speaker emphasizes that focusing on personal development is crucial for leading a fulfilling life, as it encompasses various aspects such as health, relationships, and business.

💡Mastery

Mastery, in this video, is defined as the act of becoming highly proficient or skilled in a particular area. The speaker stresses the importance of mastering key areas of life rather than merely dabbling in them. Mastery is portrayed as a necessary step to achieve excellence in areas such as health, relationships, business, and finances, rather than just going through the motions without genuine progress.

💡Emotions

Emotions are the feelings and affective states that individuals experience. The speaker argues that emotions are 'everything' and have a profound impact on one's life. If a person is wealthy and loved but primarily experiences negative emotions like anger and frustration, their life is not truly successful. Emotions, therefore, are a central focus for achieving a fulfilling life.

💡Intimate Relationships

Intimate relationships are close, personal connections between individuals, often involving deep emotional bonds. The video suggests that these relationships are a source of both the most significant joy and pain in life. The speaker encourages mastering the art of building and maintaining intimate relationships, as they are a fundamental part of a rich and fulfilling life.

💡Dabbling

Dabbling refers to the act of superficially engaging in an activity or field without serious commitment or in-depth knowledge. The speaker uses the term to describe a common mistake people make when they do not fully commit to mastering important areas of their lives, such as business or personal growth. Dabbling is contrasted with mastery, which is presented as the path to true success and fulfillment.

💡Abundance

Abundance, in the context of the video, signifies a state of plentiful supply and availability, particularly in terms of resources like money. The speaker discusses the importance of mastering money to live in a place of abundance, where one is not stressed about finances and can freely give, share, and enjoy life without financial constraints.

💡Spirituality

Spirituality is the aspect of human life that relates to a sense of meaning, purpose, and connection to something greater than oneself. The speaker encourages viewers to live in alignment with their spiritual beliefs and to grow and give as part of their spiritual journey. Spirituality is presented as a key component of a fulfilling life, contributing to a sense of aliveness and purpose.

💡Fulfillment

Fulfillment is the state of being satisfied and happy with one's life and accomplishments. The speaker differentiates between the science of achievement and the art of fulfillment, noting that while achievement can be systematic, fulfillment is more personal and diverse. Fulfillment is an essential goal, as success without it represents an ultimate failure.

💡Decisions

Decisions are the choices individuals make that shape their lives. The speaker posits that decisions are the driving force behind one's life, more so than external conditions. The video encourages viewers to make decisions that lead to a beautiful state of being, emphasizing the power of personal choice in determining life outcomes.

💡Suffering

Suffering, as discussed in the video, refers to the negative emotional states that individuals experience, such as worry, anger, and frustration. The speaker suggests that suffering can be mitigated by shifting focus from oneself to serving something greater. By making decisions to live in a beautiful state, one can reduce suffering and enhance the quality of life.

💡Appreciation

Appreciation is the act of recognizing and being grateful for the value of something or someone. The video encourages trading expectations for appreciation, which can lead to a richer and more satisfying life experience. By appreciating the present moment, individuals can find happiness and fulfillment without the need for external validation or material gain.

Highlights

People often focus on trivial matters rather than personal development.

The importance of mastering one's health and well-being as the foundation for success in other areas of life.

Emotions play a crucial role in determining the quality of life, regardless of external achievements.

Intimate relationships are a key area where life's most significant joys and pains originate.

The concept of mastering time effectively rather than merely crossing off tasks on a checklist.

Most businesses fail because they dabble instead of mastering their craft.

The necessity of mastering money to live without financial stress and with abundance.

The importance of spiritual growth and contribution to one's sense of aliveness and fulfillment.

The average person often lacks fulfillment in key life areas such as health, relationships, and business success.

The idea that everyone has different values and measures of success, which should be respected.

The significance of mastering the state of one's emotions as a critical skill for a better quality of life.

The role of one's worldview and values in shaping their life's direction and destination.

The identification of six universal human needs that drive behavior and decision-making.

The impact of social media on the pursuit of significance over love and genuine connection.

The distinction between the science of achievement and the art of fulfillment for an extraordinary life.

The importance of making decisions that control one's life more than external conditions.

The concept that suffering is a choice and can be alleviated by focusing on service to others.

The idea that wealth is a state of mind and can be experienced in the present moment.

The emphasis on living in the present and appreciating the current moment for true fulfillment.

Transcripts

in people's lives there's only maybe a

half dozen seven eight

categories that really matter most

people you know they major in minor

things

they focus on stuff that doesn't matter

they know more about this celebrity

going in and out of rehab than they do

about their own personal development

but i look at say if you look at your

body without that everything else is out

the door you don't want to be a richest

man in the graveyard that's not going to

do it if there is

energy if there's vitality of their

strength it's going to show up in your

relationship it's going to show up in

your business show up in your life

that's you've got to master you can't

dabble it's too important emotions

are everything i mean you got a ton of

money you got everybody loves you and

your primary emotions are pissed off and

frustrated then your life's pissed off

and frustrated doesn't matter if you've

got a billion dollars or a million

people loving you

your life is not great relationships

intimate relationships especially it's

where the most juice in life comes from

is where the most pain comes from most

people

it's worth mastering instead of dabbling

you know really looking at what are you

going to do with your time

and mastering your time instead of

having a checklist you cross it all off

you can

mistake movement for achievement i want

to squeeze out of that time what

matters that creates value for me and

for everyone i care about love

what about your career or your business

and the mastery of that dabbling well

most businesses are dabblers that's why

they don't make it 96

you know any 10-year period of time four

percent make it that doesn't mean

they're profitable

and it does not mean they're enjoying

themselves all right or they're getting

anybody else to feel good

really mastering money so that it's it's

not a question in your life you can do

and be and give and share as much as you

want you're not stressed about it you

live in a place of abundance and then

spiritually

really i think i don't tell people to

believe spiritually but i believe

that ultimately whatever you believe

you've got to live it and it should lead

to

growing and giving if you're growing you

feel alive

if you're giving you feel ten times more

alive and i think

if someone can celebrate and give then

that spiritual state so to me

those are the areas i look at mastering

you know business

for sure but it's the areas of life that

matter most and

most of where we spend our time doesn't

make people feel fulfilled that's why

the average person

is not fit and healthy the average

person is not in a relationship where

they have tremendous passion

you know i'm not a dummy i'm not a

positive thinker i know the truth the

average person is not successful in

business the average person is not

earning what they want to earn

but you know what very few people have

those things but a few do a few

are happy fulfilled spiritually alive

financially strong their business is

growing they have

passionate love affairs and i'm obsessed

with finding the few who do and find out

what they do different teaching to

everybody

everyone's going to measure themselves

differently because everyone values

things differently

some people value success or

significance

some people value love more some value

just basic levels of certainty

so when i look at the specific metrics i

really look at

metrics of what are the things that need

to be measured to know if your life is

going to work or not

so i look at it as our whole lives are

guided moment to moment by the state

rent

learning how to change your state not

[ __ ] not fake but to go from

pissed off frustrated freaked out to

back in your center

or creative or determined or something

that's going to move you forward it's

going to create a better quality of life

for you and others

that's a critical skill set so moment to

moment in life is controlled by our

states

you know if you're an angry state you're

going to respond differently than if

you're feeling playful

but what controls those states long term

is your model of the world

your world view and i look at that as

having as a metric three things that i

look at i look to see first what are the

targets you're after

the target is everybody has everyone has

different goals and dreams and desires

but as i traveled around the world to

100 countries i started going holy [ __ ]

i'm seeing the same problems

what's underneath it i began to see that

there are these same six human needs

that we all have the same needs

we all have a need for certainty that we

can avoid pain and we can have some

pleasure some comfort

we all need uncertainty we need variety

or we feel dead inside if you're totally

certain you're bored if you have

total variety you're like freak out and

it's not a balance it's learning

which of these you need more as a person

everyone's developed a different set of

values in that area um need of the need

for significance

to feel unique special important they

need to feel loved the need to grow and

they need to contribute

some people value certainty at the top

of their list that's their

center of their target i don't want to

do anything else i know it's going to

work i don't do anything unless it's the

same if you change anything they freak

out

if certainty is the number one thing on

your list everyone has the same needs

but if it's number one i know how your

life's gonna be i can predict the

direction of your life and therefore the

destination to some extent

if you're driven by love first you want

certainty too but love is higher you're

gonna behave very differently

than if you're driven by significance i

have to be the one

so i look to see which of those needs

are the top two on your list because

they control your life

the two that most people have 90 of the

planet if you said

of all these needs

which one do you really focus on most

day day-to-day everybody wants love what

do you focus on most people focus on

being significant we live in a facebook

world where people fake their life

put new filters make it look different

than it really is tell stories that you

know

are totally full of it to make

themselves look good because we live in

this kind of false world where

significance is more important than love

and it separates us and the other one

that we see most often is certainty

people want to be certain before they

can do something

you couldn't have started a business

like you had if you were absolutely

certain before you started you can never

build a business with that

you can never build a great relationship

because if it's based on certainty then

everybody's got to stay the same never

change which means you're never going to

grow which means you're going to be

miserable

so my metrics are i want to find out

what's driving you

i want to see is it healthy or unhealthy

you can have two people be driven by

significance though and do it with a

different set of rules that's the second

piece i measure the beliefs or rules of

how to fulfill that target

but i want to be more clear about

something an extraordinary life is life

on your terms

and there's two parts part one to have

an extraordinary life is

mastering the skill of the science of

achievement

how do i take what i envision and make

it real and how do i do that quicker

faster better easier the ability to

manifest

what you come up with and make it real

like you've done with your company yes

that's a skill set i spend unbelievable

amount of time helping people do it

faster quicker better

showing the shortcuts teaching in the

strategies modeling what works

you can save yourself a decade but

i would submit to you that having done

this for 38 years

with you know 50 million people at this

stage

i can tell you that the science of

achievement there are a lot of people

that are damn good at that

and they still don't have an

extraordinary life they have an

extraordinary life you see it as

extraordinary but i get the phone call

from the multi-billionaire

who tells me he wants to do this thing

on his business but what he really find

out is he's miserable as hell and he's

hoping somehow i'm going to rub off on

him on that side too

and so i give him what he asked for the

change in his business but i also get

what he needs which is the change inside

of him

so the second skill is the art of

fulfillment if you want extraordinary

life you can't just achieve you got to

be fulfilled as simplistic as that

sounds but it's an

art it's not a science it's a science to

making money come on

any age any color any background any

gender if you do these things you'll

have an abundance of money you do these

things you're going to have too much

month at the end of the month you're

going to financial stress

right body everyone's biochemically

different but you and i both know

there's fundamental rules

laws there's a science in the body you

violate that science you're going to

have disease you're going to have low

energy you align with that you're going

to have an abundance of energy it's

going to affect everything in your life

it's a science

fulfillment's not like that fulfillment

is as different as our human beings you

wanna know what

god or the universe likes look at the

jungle look at the forest

right it's diverse right so

most people think well i want to get

that because they've been modeling

somebody else and that might work on how

to achieve something it'll never work

for what a fulfill you how many people

you know

like you got what you thought you wanted

and you weren't fulfilled

and that i always tell people success

without fulfillment is the

ultimate failure the ultimate failure

because if you go out something and you

fail and you're an achiever you don't

fail you go i learn something i'll just

try something else i'm gonna still get

there but when you succeed and you're

not happy

so a perfect example this i mentioned in

the seminar you were there because it

hit me about it

what about a year and a month ago we

lost what i consider a national treasure

robin williams

and i ask people how many love robin

wins everybody racing

all around the world right he made

people laugh people are touched by him

so how good was he at the science of

achievement i mean he

wanted to be a great comedian make the

whole world laugh he did he wanted to

have his own tv show he didn't want the

number one show he did it

he wanted to make movies he did he

wanted to have an academy award

for not being funny dramatic and he did

it right he did it

yeah he said he wanted a beautiful

family he achieved everything

and he hung himself and i know recently

someone's saying well you know

he had dementia he had drug abuse he had

alcohol abuse most of his life because

he made everybody happy but whom

himself that's the ultimate failure so

if i had no other message to offer your

viewers

and you let me give it to him right now

i'll tell you what i believe

i believe our lives are controlled by

one force decisions

i certainly believe in force greater

than myself call it god if you will

grace whatever you want to call it the

universe

but i also believe it gives us choices

and the decisions we make

control us much more than the conditions

we meet it's not the conditions it's

your decisions

decisions what to believe decisions what

to do decision what to give

i say to people think about you know

look back 10 years

ago five years ago 15 years ago and

think of a decision you made

that if you would have made a different

decision you'd have a totally different

life today

better or worse i don't know but totally

different the most important decision

you can make

above any on the face of the earth is

deciding

that no matter what happens in your life

no matter what happens

you're going to live in a beautiful

state the decision

to say i am not going to suffer that if

suffering arises

pain is one thing suffering is another

suffering is when you're like

suffering could be worry it could be

anger can be frustration it's anything

that takes you out of a beautiful state

and here's what people don't get

you can end suffering by stop focusing

on yourself and focus on something you

want to serve greater than yourself your

children your

wife your mission your life you can get

out of it in an instant because the

nature of the human mind

is to constantly compare things your

mind

your brain is a two million year old

device and it is not designed to make

you happy it's designed to make it

so designed to make you survive right

and that's why it's always looking for

what's wrong

it used to be what's wrong a

saber-toothed tiger so i can protect

myself now people are worried about what

people think about them or do they have

enough money

when two-thirds of the planet lives on

two dollars a day right and you're

making 38 thousand dollars you're

rich the poorest of the poor in our

country are considered rich that's not

i'm not saying they should stay that way

right but you can only build on success

my goal would have you consider

something

life is short we don't know how short

it's going to be

but if you only had a week to live

i bet you wouldn't allow yourself to

suffer over a little crap that makes you

crazy normally i think you would

probably spend time with those you love

you would do what you love you take on a

sunset

you'd smell the air you were taking

everything in those final moments that

you possibly do so my thing is why wait

right right why wait why not just decide

that if i start to suffer i know the

solution because

suffering is me obsessing about me you

might say it's not me i'm worried about

my kids because they're not doing well

no you're worried that you haven't done

enough for your kids it's about you

still right yes

you know you're worried about what was

done or what you should have done or

what shouldn't have done and you can end

that

in an instant by becoming aware of it

and saying i have made the most

important decision of all

right i'm going to live in a beautiful

state because here's what's going to

happen

anybody watching you may lose a family

member you probably will

somebody may get cancer your business

may

the government might change the rules

they might change things radically you

can't even do anything about it you

might go bankrupt you might get divorced

i don't say anybody will but no sure

no one knows what's going to really

happen in your life life's full of

uncertainty but here's what you can know

you can decide no matter what happens

you could have a great time if

somebody like victor frankl can be

locked up in auschwitz

and come out of that an experience

finding joy

in the middle of auschwitz then human

beings have a capacity they've undersold

themselves on

we think that the outside world

determines how we feel if if

people have to behave a certain way if

your husband or your wife or your kids

or your coworkers or whoever your boss

has to behave a certain way for you to

be happy and if they don't you're

unhappy then you're always going to be

unhappy because the more people around

you the more they're going to change

that because they're all human

right my invitation is as great as it is

to achieve

more important to enjoy and if you can

enjoy every moment in that state when

you're feeling

loving and playful and passionate and

curious and awe

you treat other people 100 times better

when you're feeling frustrated pissed

off

overwhelmed worried stressed or feeling

sorry for yourself

you're going to be a better parent

you're going to be a better lover you're

going to be a better business person

you're going to have a better life

so my soliloquy is decide

decide today and actually say what if i

cut it off what if i said i'm not

willing to settle and i'm just going to

live in a beautiful state doesn't mean

you won't feel bad and it means you

won't stay there you

instantly change but what the hell is

success it's hitting an expectation

and i always tell people man trade your

expectations for appreciation it's a

whole new world instantly

if you can appreciate this moment if you

can't find ecstasy in this moment in a

conversation with a friend and looking

in your wife's eyes

being with your children going on a run

if you can't find

xc now i'm here to tell you more money

more people more love more business more

anything is not going to give you more

you got if you can't do it here now

you're not going to do it there when you

got more

so why not do it now and have a rich

life right now i tell people

money that's one thing like having

financial abundance there's skills

that's a science

but wealth it's a decision it's like you

can be wealthy right now

i live in fiji a good portion of time

there are these villagers there

they're the richest people i know

they're happy they laugh they love they

don't give a damn about the economics

other people say they're poor

when i first went there was trying to do

things for them like what are you

talking about i'm so

happy wealthy people come over from the

united states and they go travel around

and try to figure out what to do and

they're going to spend

nine month you know years to do this and

this and this so they can finally sit

down and be happy and the jean guy

goes why don't you sit on the beach

right now dude experience it

why spend the nine years why not have it

now that's my invitation

[Music]

[Music]

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