How Killing Your Inner "NICE GUY" Gets Women HOOKED On Your Every Word

Summary

The speaker in the script shares a unique approach to engaging in conversation with a potential romantic interest. Initially, they recommend disagreeing with the person for the first five minutes to create intrigue, then shifting to agreement to build rapport. The speaker emphasizes the importance of emotional engagement over logical arguments, suggesting that the conversation should fluctuate between positive and negative to keep it interesting. They also discuss the use of false time constraints and leading the conversation to reveal more about oneself and the other person, using examples like discussing sports and travel preferences.

Takeaways

• 🎧 The speaker suggests a conversation strategy where one initially disagrees with the other person to create interest, then shifts to agreement to build rapport.
• 📈 The speaker compares the conversation dynamics to a graph, aiming for a balance of positive and negative interactions that trend towards positivity over time.
• 🚫 The speaker advises against creating absolute rejections that are hard to recover from, preferring emotional rejections that don't logically preclude future interactions.
• 🏃‍♂️ The speaker emphasizes the importance of leading the conversation by sharing personal interests and experiences to guide the other person's responses.
• 🤔 The speaker uses the example of sports to illustrate how to lead the conversation and elicit engaging responses from the other person.
• 🗣️ The speaker highlights the value of asking open-ended questions to encourage the other person to reveal more about themselves.
• 🚫 The speaker warns against setting false time constraints that are too specific, as it can limit the potential for further interaction.
• 🌍 The speaker introduces a 'pseudo-obstacle' related to travel to test the other person's reaction and gauge compatibility.
• 💡 The speaker suggests using humor and light teasing to create a fun and engaging conversation, as demonstrated with the sports example.
• 🔍 The speaker encourages being in charge of the conversation by setting the tone and direction, rather than passively allowing the other person to dictate the interaction.

Q & A

What is the initial approach suggested by the friend in the script for engaging in conversation with a girl?

The friend suggests starting a conversation by disagreeing about things for the first five minutes and then shifting to agreeing with her after that period.

What does the script imply about the importance of the initial five minutes of conversation?

The script implies that the initial five minutes of conversation are crucial for setting the tone and creating an emotional impact, which can later be built upon.

How does the script describe the ideal emotional graph for a conversation?

The ideal emotional graph should gradually increase, hanging near zero for a while, with ups and downs, but overall trending towards positivity.

What type of disqualifiers should be avoided according to the script?

The script advises against using disqualifiers that are too specific and create genuine obstacles, such as stating that one's lifestyle is completely incompatible with the other person's.

What is the purpose of using a false time constraint in the conversation as per the script?

The purpose of using a false time constraint is to create a sense of urgency and interest without actually limiting the conversation due to specificity.

Why is it suggested to avoid being too specific with false time constraints in the script?

Being too specific with false time constraints can create genuine obstacles and limit the conversation, whereas vague constraints allow for more flexibility.

What is the significance of leading the conversation as mentioned in the script?

Leading the conversation allows the speaker to control the direction and flow of the discussion, making it more engaging and revealing more about their personality.

How does the script suggest using personal experiences to lead a conversation?

The script suggests sharing personal experiences, like mentioning the sports one played, to guide the conversation and show interest in the other person's experiences.

What is the strategy for asking about travel preferences in the script?

The strategy involves disclosing one's own travel habits and preferences, and then asking the other person if they like to travel, creating a more engaging and personal conversation.

Why is it important to be genuine when discussing travel in the conversation according to the script?

Being genuine when discussing travel is important because it helps to establish trust and authenticity in the conversation, which can lead to a deeper connection.

Outlines

00:00

🎧 Engaging Conversations with Mixed Responses

The speaker discusses a friend's unique approach to engaging with others, especially in the context of dating. Initially, the friend would disagree with the other person to create a dynamic and then shift to agreement after a few minutes. This strategy aims to create an emotional graph that fluctuates positively and negatively but overall trends upwards, simulating a genuine connection. The speaker emphasizes the importance of not creating absolute rejections that are hard to overcome and suggests using vague disqualifiers that affect emotions rather than logic. The conversational tactics involve leading the discussion with personal preferences to encourage the other person to reveal more about themselves, creating a more engaging interaction.

Keywords

💡Disagreeing

Disagreeing, in the context of the video, refers to the initial strategy of expressing disagreement or differing opinions with a conversation partner, particularly in the early stages of interaction. This approach is mentioned as a way to create intrigue and challenge, which can potentially lead to a more engaging conversation. For example, the script describes a scenario where the speaker disagrees with the girl's preference for house music, calling it cliché, which is a tactic to stand out and stimulate a reaction.

💡Agreeing

Agreeing is the counterpart to disagreeing and is used later in the conversation to build rapport and connection. It involves finding common ground and expressing approval or shared interests. In the script, the speaker transitions from disagreeing about music preferences to agreeing on the value of having a soul, illustrating a shift towards positive engagement and mutual understanding.

💡Emotional Impact

Emotional impact refers to the ability to evoke feelings or reactions in a conversation. The video suggests that while initial disagreements can create an emotional response, it's crucial to avoid absolute rejections that cannot be overcome. Instead, the speaker should aim for objections that resonate emotionally but are not logically definitive, allowing for the possibility of overcoming the disagreement later on.

💡Noise to Signal Ratio

The noise to signal ratio is a metaphor used in the video to describe the balance between the initial challenges or disagreements (noise) and the positive aspects or agreements (signal) in a conversation. The speaker aims for a conversation that starts with more noise (disagreements) and gradually increases the signal (agreements), but maintains a dynamic that keeps the interaction engaging and unpredictable.

💡Pseudo-Obstacles

Pseudo-obstacles are artificial barriers or challenges introduced into a conversation for emotional effect rather than creating genuine hindrances. The video advises against setting up real obstacles that could limit future interactions, such as specific time constraints that are too rigid. Instead, the speaker should create opportunities for emotional investment and challenge without closing off the possibility of future engagement.

💡Leading the Conversation

Leading the conversation implies taking charge of the dialogue by asking questions, steering the topic, and controlling the pace. The script illustrates this with examples where the speaker actively guides the discussion by sharing personal preferences and expecting the other person to respond in kind, which fosters a more dynamic and interactive exchange.

💡False Time Constraint

A false time constraint is a tactic used in social interactions where one party implies they have limited time to spend with the other person, creating a sense of urgency or scarcity. The video script suggests using this technique to add excitement and value to the interaction, but cautions against making the constraint too specific, which could unintentionally limit the interaction.

💡Disqualifier

A disqualifier is a statement or action that subtly communicates unavailability or a reason not to pursue a relationship. The video emphasizes the importance of using 'soft' disqualifiers that affect emotions rather than stating hard, logical reasons that could end the interaction. This approach keeps the door open for potential future engagement.

💡Engaging Conversation

Engaging conversation is a dialogue that is interactive, interesting, and emotionally stimulating. The video script provides examples of how to create such conversations by using a mix of disagreement and agreement, leading the discussion, and introducing pseudo-obstacles. The goal is to keep the conversation dynamic and to build a connection that is both challenging and enjoyable.

💡Personality

Personality, in the context of the video, refers to the unique characteristics, preferences, and traits of an individual that they express during a conversation. The speaker in the script aims to reveal their own personality and to draw out the personality of the other person by asking questions and sharing personal anecdotes, which adds depth and authenticity to the interaction.

💡Travel

Travel is used in the script as an example of a lifestyle aspect that can be introduced as a pseudo-obstacle or a point of common interest. The speaker mentions their frequent travels to set a context for potential future interactions, and to gauge the other person's interest and compatibility in terms of shared lifestyle preferences.

Highlights

The initial strategy is to disagree with the girl for the first five minutes to create an emotional impact.

After five minutes, the approach shifts to agreeing to win the person over.

The conversation should ideally have a graph of positive and negative spikes, with a gradual increase towards positivity.

Disagreements should be emotionally impactful but not logically absolute to avoid creating a lasting negative impression.

Avoid using specific false time constraints that could limit the interaction.

Pseudo-obstacles for emotional reasons are preferred over creating genuine obstacles.

Leading the conversation by sharing personal preferences can make the interaction more engaging.

Giving the other person a chance to match your interests can increase the connection.

Using personal anecdotes can help in leading the conversation and showcasing personality.

Creating a scenario where you put the other person on the spot can make the interaction more dynamic.

The speaker shares a personal story about playing soccer to connect with the other person.

The importance of being in charge of the conversation and not just passively asking questions is emphasized.

The technique of using a false time constraint to add intrigue without being too specific is discussed.

The speaker demonstrates how to ask questions that lead to more revealing answers.

The concept of creating a narrative that includes the other person is explained.

The speaker explains the technique of using travel as a topic to gauge compatibility.

The importance of not being too specific when creating a false obstacle is reiterated.

Transcripts

[Music]

I had a friend a long time ago not the

most sophisticated approach to game but

it actually does work his philosophy was

this for the first five minutes I just

disagree with a girl about things after

five minutes I started agreeing right so

for the first five minutes what kind of

music do you like just answer anything

house music how oh [ __ ] dude

really so so [ __ ] cliche you like no

I I like music that has like soul and

meaning behind it not just like this

electronic [ __ ] um but whatever so

what at least you like music at least

you don't at least you have a soul it's

cool right and then after a few minutes

then maybe something more positive um so

what do you like what do you like to do

for fun uh just like to go on walks okay

okay you know what the the funny thing

is I like first impression a lot of

people would say that's boring but I

actually [ __ ] with that that's cool so

at first giving you [ __ ] disagreeing

later on I'm going to be more positive

it's like you won me over right if we

had like a chart where every single time

there's a positive Spike like you giving

her a ment it moved in One Direction

every time it moved in the other

direction which you you know what that

graph would look like right right

ideally you guys would like to have a

graph that goes up and down both and it

hangs sort of near POS sort of near zero

it should gradually gradually increase

but it should hang near zero for a while

and the the the noise to Signal the

noise should be much higher than the

signal at first does that make sense

right whereas yours was very much like

yeah yeah clear positive positive

positive positive positive you don't

want to do a rejection that's

absolute and you can't come back from it

you'd like to have the rejections have

the emotional impact of a rejection but

not have that kind of logical lingering

how to unwind it thing yeah your

objection should not be like our

lifestyles are completely incompatible

and it makes no logical sense for us to

be together that's the wrong kind of

disqualifier right as opposed to you

know my my my my heart wants to like you

my head says no right something vague in

general and just that hits that emotion

but it's not this very specific thing

right

it's similar in a way to like with the

false time constraint you don't want

your false time constraints to be too

specific like hey I can't stay super

long that's fine but you're like I have

to meet a friend for dinner in five

minutes and it's his bachelor party and

if I'm not there he's going to kill me

right now you really are limited to 5

minutes because you were very specific

about it right you want to be a lot a

lot more you don't want to create you

don't you you can create these pseudo

obstacles for emotional reasons you

don't want to create genuine obstacles

for yourself what's a what's a typical

question might ask just any any random

question you might ask what do you like

to do what do you I do for fun but I am

really into the gym in sports did you

ever like play sports as a kid uh yeah

yeah which ones and there's actually

there's one answer to this that like if

you say it I'm I might have to buy you a

drink but just don't don't no pressure

what what sports did you play uh

swimming oh yeah that's not the

one I like swimming I have a ton of

respect for swimmers but no I I played

soccer myself so you know gotta does

that make sense yeah nice right you see

how much more engaging that is and how

much more I'm leading the conversation

and I'm in charge as as opposed to like

so what do you like to do for fun right

you got a lot more of my personality out

of that than out of so what do you like

to do for fun yeah right what did I do I

led I gave you an idea of this is the

answer I'm looking for are you going to

do it or you're not going to do it Etc

and I and I led with I told you what

sport I played I told you I'm into

sports I you know there's a lot more

there and you can do same thing with all

kinds of stuff like that right like hey

so I have to tell you one thing if just

before we get to know each other and

fall in love or something like that I do

travel a lot so I might not be in Dallas

all the time like if that's a problem

for you we'll just be friends okay

do you like to travel or no me yeah

personally like like be the girl first

you can do whatever you want oh yeah I

like to travel here and there yeah have

you actually travel or you just

bullshitting me uh like I got to Europe

with my family a couple times have you

ever traveled when you had a choice in

the

matter not really so you don't like to

travel you just you're just lying to me

it's okay you're young yeah well you'll

grow into

it right but you see how like how much

more I'm putting you on the spot yeah