El cerebro de los adolescentes y ¿por qué actúan así? | Yordi Rosado | TEDxCoyoacán

Summary

Yordi Rosado comparte una experiencia conmovedora sobre un joven que consideraba el suicidio, lo que lo llevó a reflexionar sobre la comunicación con los adolescentes. Expone cómo los cambios en el cerebro adolescente, como la búsqueda de independencia y la evolución de la corteza prefrontal, afectan su comportamiento y decisiones. Rosado enfatiza la importancia de ser padres actuales, negociar con los jóvenes y adaptarse a sus necesidades cambiantes para fomentar su crecimiento y mantener una relación saludable.

Takeaways

• 😢 La adolescencia es un período complicado tanto para los adolescentes como para los padres.
• 📞 Es crucial para los adultos comprender y estar presentes para los jóvenes en momentos de crisis, como el intento de suicidio mencionado en la historia.
• 🌐 La comunicación y la comprensión son fundamentales para conectar con los adolescentes y ayudarles a navegar por sus cambios.
• 🧠 El cerebro adolescente experimenta cambios significativos, especialmente en la corteza prefrontal, que afecta la toma de decisiones y la responsabilidad.
• 🏋️‍♂️ Los adolescentes buscan independencia y desarrollan su identidad, lo que a menudo se manifiesta en la rebeldía y la búsqueda de diferenciarse de sus padres.
• 🚫 Es importante para los padres mantener la autoridad en cuestiones críticas, como la seguridad y la salud mental, mientras permiten a los jóvenes hacer sus propios errores en situaciones menos peligrosas.
• 🤝 La negociación y el respeto por la autonomía del adolescente son herramientas esenciales para establecer un ambiente de crecimiento y aprendizaje.
• 🌱 La adolescencia es un período de aprendizaje y crecimiento, no solo de sufrimiento, y los padres deben apoyar ese proceso.
• 🗣️ Los adolescentes a menudo tienen razones válidas y perspectivas únicas que merecen ser escuchadas y consideradas por los padres.
• 🌳 Los padres deben ser flexibles y adaptables, como palmeras frente a la tormenta, para guiar y apoyar a sus hijos durante la tempestad de la adolescencia.

Q & A

¿Quién es Yordi Rosado y qué profesión ejerce?

Yordi Rosado es un presentador de televisión que ha estado en la industria por un tiempo considerable.

¿Qué le confesó Alejandro a Yordi Rosado después del programa de televisión?

Alejandro le confesó a Yordi que estaba planeando suicidarse, algo que nunca había compartido con nadie más.

¿Cómo reaccionó Yordi al enterarse del plan de suicidio de Alejandro?

Yordi quedó conmocionado e intentó decirle a Alejandro todo lo que cualquier adulto diría para evitar tal situación, pero luego se dio cuenta de que no entendía lo que Alejandro estaba sintiendo y experimentando.

¿Qué intentó hacer Yordi para ayudar a Alejandro después de que este se marchara?

Yordi buscó información, llamó a psicólogos y a una línea de ayuda, y cuando sintió que tenía la información necesaria, intentó contactar a Alejandro por teléfono.

¿Qué problema encontró Yordi al tratar de contactar a Alejandro por teléfono?

Yordi se dio cuenta de que tenía un número equivocado y no pudo contactar a Alejandro, lo que le causó un gran sentimiento de culpa y preocupación.

¿Cuál fue la lección que Yordi Rosado tomó de su experiencia con Alejandro?

Yordi se dio cuenta de la importancia de tener información actualizada y ser un facilitador de conocimientos para ayudar a los jóvenes, especialmente en situaciones de crisis.

¿Qué comparación hizo Yordi entre la adolescencia y la experiencia de ser padre de un adolescente?

Yordi menciona que la adolescencia es complicada, pero también señala que ser padre de un adolescente puede ser aún más desafiante.

¿Cuál es el significado de la palabra 'adolescencia' según lo explica Yordi Rosado?

Yordi aclara que 'adolescencia' no significa simplemente 'sufrimiento', sino 'aprender a crecer', lo que es un proceso de desarrollo tanto físico como emocional.

¿Qué tres aspectos básicos del cerebro adolescente menciona Yordi para entender mejor a los adolescentes?

Yordi menciona el deseo de independencia, los cambios en la corteza prefrontal que afectan el juicio, la responsabilidad y la toma de decisiones, y la necesidad de tomar decisiones propias como tres aspectos clave del desarrollo cerebral adolescente.

¿Qué tipo de relación deberían tener los padres con sus hijos adolescentes según Yordi Rosado?

Yordi sugiere que los padres deberían ser como palmeras en lugar de robles, es decir, deben ser flexibles y adaptables para soportar la 'huracán' de la adolescencia sin ser arrancados.

¿Qué consejo final da Yordi Rosado para los padres de adolescentes?

Yordi aconseja a los padres ser flexibles, negociar con sus hijos, escucharlos, y ayudarles a crecer y tomar decisiones, asegurándose de que sus hijos se sientan escuchados y valorados.

Outlines

00:00

😢 Experiencia con un adolescente en crisis

Yordi Rosado, presentador de televisión, comparte una experiencia con un adolescente llamado Alejandro que le confiesa su intención de suicidio. Yordi, inicialmente sin saber cómo ayudar, busca información y contacta a expertos para entender mejor la situación. Sin embargo, al intentar contactar a Alejandro nuevamente, descubre que tomó nota de un número equivocado, lo que lo lleva a sentirse responsable y remordido por no haber podido ayudar. Esta experiencia lo lleva a reflexionar sobre la importancia de estar informado y estar preparado para ayudar a los jóvenes en crisis.

05:02

🧠 Comprensión del desarrollo adolescente

Yordi Rosado explica que el término 'adolescencia' significa 'aprender a crecer' y no simplemente 'sufrimiento'. Describe los cambios físicos y mentales que ocurren durante la adolescencia, destacando que el 5% restante del desarrollo cerebral humano ocurre durante este período. Aborda tres aspectos clave del cerebro adolescente: la necesidad de independencia, la rebeldía como una forma de afirmar la individualidad y la evolución del prefrontal, que regula el juicio, la responsabilidad y la toma de decisiones. Yordi enfatiza la importancia de entender estos cambios para poder apoyar adecuadamente a los adolescentes.

10:05

🚫 Importancia de la autoridad y las decisiones en la adolescencia

Yordi Rosado discute la importancia de la autoridad y la firmeza de los padres en situaciones críticas como adicciones, trastornos alimentarios, depresión, problemas legales y suicidio. Explica que los adolescentes están aprendiendo a tomar decisiones por sí mismos y cómo los padres pueden ayudarles en este proceso, evitando ser demasiado rígidos o estrictos. Yordi sugiere que los padres deben ser como palmeras, flexibles y adaptables ante las tormentas de la adolescencia, en lugar de ser como robles fuertes que pueden ser derribados.

15:06

🌟 Ser padres actuales para criar hijos actuales

Yordi Rosado concluye su charla enfatizando la necesidad de ser padres actuales para criar hijos en el mundo contemporáneo. Explica que los padres deben ser flexibles, negociar con sus hijos y ayudarles a crecer a través de la toma de decisiones. Yordi sugiere que los padres deben ser más comprensivos y escuchar atentamente a sus hijos, validando sus ideas y permitiendo que hagan sus propios errores. Finalmente, Yordi ofrece consejos para mejorar la comunicación y la relación con los adolescentes, instando a los padres a ser más pacientes y a tener en cuenta las necesidades únicas de cada joven.

Keywords

💡Adolescencia

Adolescencia se refiere al período de la vida que sigue a la infancia y precede a la adultez, durante el cual ocurren cambios significativos tanto físicos como emocionales. En el vídeo, se menciona que la adolescencia es un momento complicado y que significa 'aprender a crecer', destacando la importancia de entender los cambios que experimentan los adolescentes, tanto en su cuerpo como en su mente.

💡Autonomía

Autonomía es la capacidad de una persona para pensar y actuar de manera independiente. En el contexto del vídeo, se destaca que los adolescentes reciben una señal de su cerebro para ser independientes y ser ellos mismos, lo que a menudo se manifiesta en la rebeldía y el deseo de hacer sus propias decisiones, como se describe cuando los adolescentes comienzan a desafiar a sus padres y a buscar su propia identidad.

💡Cerebro adolescente

El 'cerebro adolescente' es un concepto clave en el vídeo, ya que se discute cómo los cambios en el cerebro afectan el comportamiento y las decisiones de los jóvenes. Se menciona que el 5% restante del desarrollo del cerebro ocurre durante la adolescencia, lo que es fundamental para comprender sus deseos de independencia y sus procesos de toma de decisiones.

💡Prefrontal cortex

El 'prefrontal cortex' es una parte del cerebro que se está desarrollando durante la adolescencia y que regula la toma de decisiones, la responsabilidad y el juicio. En el vídeo, se explica que este área del cerebro está experimentando un 'makeover', lo que puede llevar a que los adolescentes tomen decisiones arriesgadas o no comprendan las consecuencias de sus acciones, como se ilustra en los ejemplos de la toma de decisiones y la percepción del riesgo.

💡Desarrollo

El 'desarrollo' es un término utilizado para describir el crecimiento y el cambio en los seres humanos a lo largo del tiempo. En el vídeo, se enfatiza que la adolescencia es un período de desarrollo crucial, no solo en términos físicos, como el crecimiento de genitales y la aparición de vello púbico, sino también en términos de desarrollo mental y emocional.

💡Rebelión

La 'rebelión' es un comportamiento que se manifiesta a menudo durante la adolescencia y que se describe en el vídeo como una forma de expresar la necesidad de independencia y la búsqueda de la propia identidad. Los adolescentes pueden rebelarse contra sus padres o las normas establecidas para afirmar su autonomía y desafiar la identidad que han adoptado hasta ese momento.

💡Toma de decisiones

La 'toma de decisiones' es una habilidad que se desarrolla durante la adolescencia y que se aborda en el vídeo como un aspecto clave del crecimiento y la madurez. Se menciona que los adolescentes están constantemente siendo animados a tomar sus propias decisiones, lo que puede ser un proceso desafiante y a menudo fuente de conflicto con los padres, especialmente cuando las decisiones no coinciden con las expectativas o experiencias previas de los progenitores.

💡Negotiación

La 'negociación' se refiere al proceso de discutir y llegar a un acuerdo mutuo. En el vídeo, se sugiere que los padres deben negociar con sus adolescentes en lugar de imponer decisiones unilaterales, lo que puede ayudar a establecer límites, mantener el control y al mismo tiempo permitir que los jóvenes se sientan escuchados y respetados, como se ve en los ejemplos donde se negocia el horario de regreso a casa.

💡Autoridad

La 'autoridad' es el poder o influencia que alguien tiene, generalmente debido a su posición o experiencia. En el vídeo, se discute cómo la autoridad de los padres puede verse comprometida si hay conflictos constantes con sus adolescentes, pero también cómo puede ser fundamental en situaciones de riesgo, donde los padres deben ser estrictos y firmes para proteger a sus hijos.

💡Comprensión

La 'comprensión' es la capacidad de entender algo o a alguien. En el vídeo, se subraya la importancia de la comprensión como herramienta para mejorar la comunicación y la relación entre los padres y los adolescentes. Al comprender mejor los cambios que están experimentando los jóvenes, los padres pueden ser más efectivos en su enfoque y en el apoyo que brindan, como se menciona en la necesidad de ser 'padres de hoy' para criar a los adolescentes de hoy.

Highlights

Yordi Rosado comparte una experiencia personal con un adolescente que consideraba el suicidio.

La importancia de comprender la perspectiva de los adolescentes para ayudarles adecuadamente.

La experiencia de Yordi al buscar ayuda para un adolescente y las dificultades encontradas.

El reconocimiento de que los adolescentes experimentan cambios significativos tanto físicos como emocionales.

La diferencia entre la adolescencia de hoy y la de hace 30 años y la necesidad de adaptarse a estos cambios.

Las tres áreas clave del cerebro adolescente que afectan su comportamiento y desarrollo.

La necesidad de independencia y la búsqueda de identidad en los adolescentes.

El papel de la corteza prefrontal en la toma de decisiones y la responsabilidad en adolescentes.

La importancia de permitir que los adolescentes hagan sus propias decisiones y experimenten la vida.

La estrategia de ser un 'palm tree' flexible frente a la rigidez de ser un 'roble' con adolescentes.

La importancia de negociar con adolescentes y establecer límites que los hacen sentir seguros.

Cómo los padres pueden validar las ideas de sus hijos y ayudarles a crecer a través de la toma de decisiones.

La necesidad de aceptar los errores y aprender de ellos en la educación de adolescentes.

La importancia de la comunicación y el escuchar en la relación con los adolescentes.

El mensaje final de Yordi Rosado sobre la importancia de ser padres actuales y flexibles.

Transcripts

Translator: Ross Edwards Reviewer: Leonardo Silva

Hi, how are you?

I'm Yordi Rosado, for quite a while now I've been a television presenter.

And one day, after a TV show, there was a guy in my dressing room,

a teenager, he said: "Yordi, I'd like to chat to you."

I said, "Yes, of course." He said: "Hello, I'm Alejandro."

I said, "What is it?"

And he said: "I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone

and that nobody else knows."

And I said: "What is it?"

"I'm going to kill myself."

When he told me, I was in shock, I was frozen,

and I started telling him things that any adult would say

to prevent something like that.

But I realized he didn't understand me

because I didn't understand what he was feeling and going through.

Then it was all very chaotic - he had to go, I had to go too.

I said to him: "Please, give me your information," and he wrote it down.

I was waiting all day to get home,

and when I got home, I called some psychologists,

I searched in books, didn't find much.

I called a helpline,

and when I felt I had the information I needed to be able to help him,

I called him.

I grabbed the note and called him.

The telephone started ringing, and ringing and ringing...

and he wasn't picking up.

It was one of the longest nights of my life, I spent 3 or 4 hours calling.

He'd told me that it was a decision that he had already taken.

I didn't know if he was planning it or if he was doing it at that moment

or if, unfortunately, he already had.

It was horrible.

The next day, I woke up, continued calling him,

and, when I least thought they'd pick up, they picked up.

A woman picked up the phone, I asked her:

"Could you put me through to Alejandro, please?"

And she said: "There's no Alejandro here."

And me: "Look, yesterday I met your son, he told me about the situation you're in,

please, trust me, could you put me through to him?"

Essentially, the number was wrong. I had the wrong number.

Today I can't tell you if Alejandro is still alive

or, unfortunately, if he isn't.

I felt so bad. I felt so guilty.

I felt guilty for not checking the number when I dialled, there and then,

for having not given him mine -

I thought about it but didn't give it to him.

And, above all, I felt somewhat responsible for not having information -

before many young people had told me things

but nothing like that.

Anyway, about six months later I was invited to give a talk.

I thought the only thing they wanted me to do

was entertain the teenagers for a bit.

But they didn't know my story, so I prepared some topics for it

and I tried to include entertainment, which I'd done well in the media,

as part of my formula and then see if it worked.

I said: "If this works, I'll attempt, I'll try

to always look for the best experts, to look for the best information,

so I can be a translator, so I can be a facilitator,

and then give that information, and be of help."

Fortunately, it worked, that particular talk.

What I want to say is that we all have a teenager

who we adore, who we love or who we just want to help -

a son, a nephew, a grandchild, a friend, or a neighbor,

whoever they are.

Adolescence is indeed complicated.

They say that the only thing that's harder than being a teenager

is being a parent of one.

(Laughter)

They say it really is very complicated, and really, how couldn't it be?

Because things completely change, things radically change,

because, suddenly, from your kids being small and saying to you:

"Daddy, mommy, please stay here in bed, stay with me!

What do you mean you're going to work? You just arrived! No, please!"

to a few years later:

"Can you get out of my room?! Give me my space!"

(Laughter)

What's more, if they could legally register their room, many would.

(Laughter)

It's impressive.

You need to realize they've been swapped for a fake:

they look the same, but they're not!

(Laughter)

The reality is that parents and kids talk completely differently.

Their languages and messages are completely different.

So suddenly, the teenager says things to you like:

"But everyone failed."

And the parent says, obviously:

"I don't care about everyone else, I only care about you."

And then, if they have time, they load it on with:

"So what? If someone told you to jump off a cliff, would you go and jump?"

(Laughter)

The reality is that parents are trying to raise kids

using language and information that's 30 years old -

how we were raised.

In some way it's not our fault because it's the only way we know,

but teenagers of today experience a difference adolescence,

a different reality, a different environment.

And they have millions of things we didn't have 30 years ago.

So, to be able to raise children of today,

we have to be parents of today.

Adolescence is fantastic, it's incredible

but it's important we understand it.

Many people think that the word "adolescence" means "suffer,"

and that does makes sense, but "adolescence" means "learn to grow."

That's exactly what's happening to them.

They're becoming adults, both physically and emotionally.

This is happening continuously.

The physical changes, we all know them very well:

Their genitals begin to grow, pubic hair appears,

the muscles change, menstruation begins, and so on.

But we often don't understand or don't know about

the mental changes that occur - the most important changes.

You see, I think this is really interesting:

95% of the human brain develops between the ages of zero and five,

and the final 5%, among the most important,

develops in adolescence.

It's awesome, but that's how it is, and many people don't know.

I would like to comment on three basic aspects

of the teenage brain, and this way, we can understand them more easily.

The first,

the first signal a teenager receives in their brain

is that they want to be, and have to be, independent.

That's first.

They have to be themselves, to be an individual for the first time.

What happens? They turn, see their parents, and say: "Ah!

I'm identical to him! I'm identical to her!"

Of course! Why?

Well, because for 11 years you've been imitating them,

because you have their DNA, manners, even their flat little nose - everything!

(Laughter)

And at that point they go from being the heroes you were building

to being your archenemies because they go against

what your brain is asking - that you be different.

So you need to stop following your parents and start doing your own thing.

It's real: your brain is constantly saying this.

So, at that point, teenagers immediately start being rebellious, going against you,

disagreeing with everything you say.

No matter how true and logical it is: "No!"

And they get out their flag: "It isn't fair because I disagree."

They start to use words like:

Ash!

Mta!

(Laughter)

And they start to talk differently, to use more swear words.

If their parent has piercings then they don't put them in,

but if they don't, they want them -

they do everything they can to become separate.

And here the experts tell you that you need to let them do that,

you need to let it happen and not get involved,

because doing so causes problems and arguments.

It's the only thing that makes them different from you,

and their brain is asking for it.

On the other hand, we have to relax,

because it is just a phase and they will stop.

You won't see your 35-year-old son when he's the company manager

throwing a tantrum in his office, saying:

"Get the director out, I'm not giving him the balances! No! No!

Why did I have to work in this company?"

No.

(Laughter)

That won't happen - it's temporary.

Sadly, parents get caught up in it,

because we don't understand what's going on in the kid's brain

and, sadly, we wear down our relationship with them

because of this constant fighting.

In wearing it down, we also lose something important: authority.

If you fight 20 times with somebody in one week,

you lose authority -

authority that'll be really important at another point.

Something else happening in the brain, another important one,

is what's going on in the prefrontal cortex,

the part found right behind the forehead.

And during this period, it's the part given the biggest make over.

This regulates, to name a few things,

judgement, responsibility, and decision-making.

Imagine that.

(Laughter)

It's being given a makeover. We've all seen a makeover, right?

So when you say to them: "Wait, wait, wait, what?

You went to the party without asking me,

you got into party clothes at night without telling me,

you got into a stranger's car, and you took a phone with no battery...

Don't you realize how dangerous that is?!"

No.

(Laughter)

They actually can't.

And we get very angry because we think they're messing with us.

But they can't see it your way - we're seeing it from different places.

That doesn't mean that if you see your child doing something dangerous,

trying to bungee jump without ropes, you should tell them:

"It's OK, leave them, it's the prefrontal cortex."

Obviously not.

(Laughter)

There'll be other times you can do it another way,

but here what you do is very important

because your child can't make that judgement at that moment.

The judgement he had at 7 years old is being given a makeover.

So there are very dangerous things, such as addictions of course,

such as eating disorders, such as depression,

such as legal problems, such as suicide.

And parents do have to be very strict and very firm with those,

and if you have this problem, it's:

"Okay, no, I've got you, come here, you're not going any further, my love."

And you look for an expert, an organization,

because you can't get out of them, and they're different from the others -

here you need all the authority you've saved up from other problems.

These problems are a matter of life and death.

Here, your child's life could indeed completely change.

This a different ball game to when they said "güey"

25 times a day for seven years.

Now it is a matter of life and death.

The third one, also very important, is what's going on with decision-making.

The brain starts asking the teenager to make their own decisions.

And they realize that they got from you

all their knowledge and everything they know.

That's a huge deal.

Because if you taught them that we wash our hair first,

then our body and finally our feet,

they'll realize they didn't even decide how to take a shower.

And the poor kid has a horrible panic attack.

Because they start wanting to experiment again.

And you say: "Why? You already know how to do it!"

Their brain is asking them to make decisions for the first time.

So one day, you're all on your way to Acapulco.

You, as a parent, want the dream vacation,

and your child says before leaving: "Why are we taking the toll road?"

(Laughter)

Challenging, isn't it?

And you say: "Because it's faster."

"And, how do you know it's faster?"

"Because you have to pay, there are bridges, there are slopes -

it's obvious, it costs money!"

"How long has it been since you took the free one?"

(Laughter)

"I don't know, 10 years."

"So how do you know it hasn't changed?"

(Laughter)

And we explode.

It'd be ideal if one day, if you have time, you took the free one,

to help them decide.

They'll realize that it's longer and has more potholes.

If you take the free one,

it's very likely that the next time you go to Acapulco they'll say:

"This time the toll road, right?"

(Laughter)

Quite possible.

But what's going on here? We're helping them to grow.

We're validating their ideas, helping them to make decisions.

It's like when we saw them taking their first steps,

except they're decisions that help them become adults, not steps.

Teenagers are right a lot more often than we think,

sometimes even when arguing with us.

But we are used to never accepting that.

It could be that they're right and we aren't listen to them.

We need to help them to grow and become an adult.

It's the duty of being a parent,

but sometimes we don't know what stage the kid is going through.

For example, so what do we help them with?

What do we negotiate on? Because you have to negotiate with them.

You have to teach them and help them to make mistakes and to do it well.

Imagine: during this period, they are so stuck in that,

that a kid prefers to make a mistake deciding for themselves

than to be right following your advice

because they feel they're a step behind.

So you have to help them, and that's why you have to negotiate.

And what do you negotiate on?

You negotiate on basic, routine things:

When can I come home? Who can I go with?

Can I fail 3 subjects instead of 2?

Can I go on vacation here?

We have to negotiate on those things,

things our parents usually said no to, it's really important to.

And help them with themselves.

For example, nowadays if a teenager says to you:

"Please, let me come back at 2 a.m.,

all my friends are allowed to arrive at 2 a.m."

the best thing would be to talk with their friends' parents to check,

and it turns out that, yes, all of them are allowed to,

and then to say the next day:

"Look, we checked, we talked with your friends' parents,

and it turns out you're right."

When you say "you are right," it's gold for them.

Because it's a negotiation,

and in a negotiation, everyone wants win-win.

You can't lose all the time.

Parents who squeeze and squeeze their children

lose them and push them away, sadly.

"So, we've seen they're allowed, so we'll say this:

Starting next week you won't come back at 1:00 a.m.,

you can come back at 1:45 a.m."

What's going on here?

You can't say 2 a.m. - the week after they'll say 3 a.m., then 4, then 5.

And then: "There's a new rule too:

Every time you go out, you have to call me."

When you do that, it shows them you still have control.

Two: you set them limits.

And three: those limits make them feel safe.

But most importantly, in the end, your child feels happy and thankful,

because they grew, because they were able to negotiate a bit with you.

I'll say it again:

To be able to raise children of today, we have to be parents of today.

These things make all the difference and there are very simple things

that completely change the picture for us if done like so.

You tell your child, with simple things:

"Take your plates to the sink, please."

They're going along, and say: "Ugh!"

"What's up with you?! Are you crazy?! It's impossible!"

They talk back to you, you fight, and it's horrible.

Case two:

"Take them to the sink, please."

"Ugh!"

and you...

"Thanks, my love."

And that conflict isn't created any more.

We can make sense of other things too.

Suddenly we see teachers

who are heroes of the school, everyone loves them, right?

Do you know what these teachers do?

They accept the students' mistakes, they listen to them.

They listen to the students' arguments and if they're better, they accept them.

Are we going to make mistakes as a parents, uncles or grandparents?

Yes, of course.

Why?

Because teenagers aren't numbers, and we aren't formulas.

It's normal, and we all have our own character,

there are better days, there are worse days.

It's totally normal that at points you can't cope and you explode.

But the big advantage of all this

is that when you have more information, your margin for error is much smaller.

More information, fewer mistakes.

If in the past you'd fight with them 10 times,

with information and understanding, you'll fight three times.

The other seven times make all the difference

in allowing you to enjoy and appreciate them,

to enjoy and appreciate each other.

Many parents ask themselves: "Am I a good dad?" "Am I a good mom?"

I think the simple fact we ask ourselves that question

takes us closer and puts us on track to being one,

because we care, we're worried,

because we'll listen to a talk or read a book.

Moms who are bad moms and dads who are bad dads

don't ask that question.

You have to negotiate with them.

Teenagers are extremely intelligent, but sometimes we don't listen to them.

And we especially have to realize that to be the parent of teenager,

you have to a palm tree, not an oak.

Adolescence is like a big hurricane that takes everything away when it hits.

If you're very strict,

however much a strong oak you are, however how bulky you are,

however old you are and however many deep roots you have,

the hurricane will take you away.

But a palm three, when the hurricane hits,

knows when to move to the right, when to move to the left,

when to stay in the middle and not move anywhere.

And when the hurricane passes after some time,

the palm is always still there.

I wish you the best of luck with the teenagers you're close to.

Thank you so much.

(Applause)