Nietzsche - Overcome Shame, Become Who You Are

Summary

In this video, Nietzsche's concept of shame from 'The Joyous Science' is explored, emphasizing the importance of being free from shame to become one's true self. The video argues that shame, often imposed by societal expectations, hinders personal growth and authenticity. It uses the example of Timmy, who, shamed for not conforming to masculine ideals, adopts a false persona, leading to isolation. The narrative concludes with Timmy reclaiming his true self and finding genuine connections, illustrating the transformative power of overcoming shame.

Takeaways

• 📚 Nietzsche in 'The Joyous Science' suggests that being free means being free of shame and not shaming others.
• 🌱 The concept of 'becoming who you are' is central to Nietzsche's philosophy, implying that everyone has a true self to realize.
• 🌳 Likening oneself to a seed, Nietzsche illustrates that external conditions can hinder one's growth into their fullest potential.
• 🚫 Shame is viewed as an impediment to self-realization, as it stems from the belief that one's current self is inadequate.
• 🤔 The source of shame is societal 'shoulds,' which are imposed ideals that can conflict with one's authentic desires.
• 👥 Shaming others is equated with rejecting their identity and enforcing societal expectations, which is considered 'bad'.
• 🎭 Submitting to shame can lead to the creation of false personalities to escape the discomfort of not meeting societal standards.
• 👦 The example of Timmy illustrates how shame can drive individuals to abandon their true selves in favor of a persona that aligns with societal expectations.
• 🔄 Timmy's eventual realization of the emptiness of living according to others' desires leads to a reclaiming of his authentic self and a more fulfilling life.
• ⚠️ The distinction is made between toxic shame, which is harmful, and a potentially healthy shame that motivates self-improvement.

Q & A

What does Nietzsche mean by 'becoming who you are' in 'The Joyous Science'?

Nietzsche suggests that everyone has a true self that they must become, akin to an oak tree seed containing the potential for full expression. It's about achieving the fullest version of oneself.

How does Nietzsche define 'shame' in the context of personal freedom?

Nietzsche views shame as a negative force that prevents individuals from fully realizing their true selves. It arises from the belief that one's current self is inadequate compared to societal ideals.

Why is it considered 'bad' to shame others according to Nietzsche?

Shaming others is seen as rejecting their true identity and imposing societal expectations on them, thereby hindering their ability to be authentic and to become their true selves.

What is the role of societal ideals in creating shame, as discussed in the script?

Societal ideals are the source of 'shoulds' that lead to shame when individuals feel they do not measure up. These ideals are internalized and can lead to a rejection of one's true self.

How does the script illustrate the concept of 'false personalities' in relation to shame?

The script uses the example of Timmy, who, to escape shame, adopts a false personality that is more aligned with societal expectations, leading to a disconnection from his authentic self.

What are the consequences of living a life based on societal expectations rather than one's true self, as depicted in the script?

Living according to societal expectations can lead to a lack of authenticity, feelings of isolation, and a sense of being a 'shell of a person,' as one's life becomes focused on appearances rather than personal growth.

How does Timmy's story in the script demonstrate the impact of toxic shame on personal development?

Timmy's story shows that toxic shame can lead to the abandonment of one's true self and the adoption of a persona that is not genuine, resulting in a life devoid of real connections and personal fulfillment.

What is the turning point for Timmy in the script, and how does it relate to overcoming shame?

Timmy's realization that he is in toxic relationships and that he has been living a life not of his own choosing is the turning point. He decides to stop playing a role and starts to live authentically, which is key to overcoming shame.

How does the script differentiate between 'toxic shame' and a potentially 'healthy form of shame'?

Toxic shame is associated with the belief that one's identity is inherently inadequate, while a healthy form of shame might involve recognizing areas for self-improvement without rejecting one's core self.

What is the final outcome for Timmy after he decides to stop living according to others' expectations?

Timmy reconnects with his true self, develops authentic relationships, and reclaims his life as an artist, experiencing a sense of aliveness and groundedness that was missing before.

What is the script's stance on the role of Nietzsche's philosophy in understanding shame and personal freedom?

The script uses Nietzsche's philosophy to argue that overcoming shame is essential for personal freedom and self-realization, and it encourages viewers to consider his ideas as a means to understand and potentially transform their own experiences with shame.

Outlines

00:00

🌳 The Essence of Nietzsche's Concept of Shame

In the first paragraph, Nietzsche's philosophy from 'The Joyous Science' is explored, focusing on the idea of shame and its impact on personal freedom. Nietzsche suggests that those who shame others are 'bad' and that true freedom comes from being free of shame. The concept of becoming one's true self is introduced, likening the potential of a person to the growth of an oak tree. The paragraph delves into the notion that shame stems from societal expectations and the internalized 'shoulds' that prevent individuals from realizing their full potential. The story of Timmy is used as an example to illustrate how societal pressures can lead to the adoption of a false persona, causing isolation and a disconnect from one's true self.

05:02

🎭 The Consequences of Living a Shaming Life

The second paragraph continues the narrative of Timmy, who, in an attempt to escape shame, adopts a masculine persona that is not authentic to him. This leads to a life focused on external appearances rather than personal growth, resulting in feelings of isolation and loneliness. The paragraph discusses the realization of the futility of living a life based on others' expectations and the importance of seeking genuine relationships and self-acceptance. The video concludes with a call to embrace one's true self and to live a life of authenticity, reclaiming the freedom that comes from being true to oneself.

Keywords

💡Shame

Shame, in the context of the video, is a feeling of humiliation or distress that arises when one perceives themselves as falling short of societal or personal standards. It's described as a negative force that can prevent individuals from fully realizing their true selves. The video discusses how shame can be imposed by others, as seen with Timmy's mother shaming him for not being 'manly' enough, leading him to adopt a false persona to escape this shame.

💡Freedom

Freedom, as discussed in the video, is the state of being able to fully express and become one's true self without external constraints or internal feelings of shame. Nietzsche suggests that true freedom involves being liberated from shame, allowing individuals to pursue their authentic paths without the pressure to conform to societal expectations.

💡True Self

The 'true self' refers to the authentic, inherent nature of an individual that is distinct from the roles or personas adopted due to societal pressures. The video emphasizes the importance of becoming one's true self, akin to an oak tree seed growing into its full potential, and how shame can hinder this natural development.

💡Ideal Image

The 'ideal image' is a societal construct representing the standards or expectations that individuals are often pressured to meet. The video explains how the shameful mind compares itself to this ideal and feels inadequate, leading to shame. This concept is illustrated when Timmy's mother compares him to his brother's ideal image of masculinity.

💡Conditioned Mind

A 'conditioned mind' is one that has been influenced by societal norms and expectations, leading to behaviors that are not necessarily in line with one's true desires or nature. The video contrasts this with a 'pure mind' that acts based on what it wants to do, rather than what it 'should' do according to societal dictates.

💡Toxic Shame

Toxic shame is a harmful form of shame that stems from the belief that one's true identity is inadequate or unacceptable. The video discusses how toxic shame can lead individuals to create false personalities to conform to societal expectations, as seen with Timmy's transformation to fit his mother's ideal.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity is the quality of being true to one's own personality, feelings, and desires, rather than conforming to external expectations. The video argues for the importance of authenticity, suggesting that living authentically is essential for personal growth and fulfillment, as opposed to the isolation and alienation that can result from inauthentic living.

💡Personality

In the video, 'personality' refers to the set of characteristics or traits that define an individual. It is used to contrast the 'true self' with the 'false personality' that Timmy adopts to escape shame. The video suggests that a false personality is one that is not genuine and is adopted to meet external expectations.

💡Societal Image

The 'societal image' is the collective representation of how individuals should behave or what they should aspire to be, as dictated by society. The video critiques the societal image for creating unrealistic standards that can lead to shame and hinder personal growth, as individuals strive to fit into these molds rather than expressing their true selves.

💡Intimacy

Intimacy, in the context of the video, refers to a deep, personal connection with others that is based on mutual understanding and acceptance of one's true self. The video suggests that living authentically fosters real intimacy, whereas inauthenticity and shame can lead to superficial relationships and feelings of loneliness.

💡Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is the act of embracing and being at peace with one's true self, including one's strengths and weaknesses. The video posits that self-acceptance is crucial for overcoming shame and living a fulfilling life. It is highlighted as the ultimate goal of Timmy's journey towards reclaiming his true self and finding meaningful connections.

Highlights

Nietzsche in 'The Joyous Science' defines 'bad' as those who seek to shame others.

The most humane act, according to Nietzsche, is to spare someone shame.

Nietzsche suggests that true liberation is achieved when one is no longer ashamed of oneself.

Exploration of the concept of freedom in relation to shame and self-actualization.

Nietzsche's philosophy posits that everyone has a 'true self' they must become.

The analogy of an oak tree seed to illustrate the potential within each individual.

Shame is identified as an obstacle to becoming one's true self.

The concept of an 'ideal self' and how it contrasts with one's actual self, leading to shame.

The origin of 'shoulds' is traced back to societal expectations rather than individual desires.

Shaming others is equated with rejecting their true identity, according to Nietzsche.

The idea that submitting to shame causes one to reject their own true self.

John Bradshaw's view on how shame can lead to the creation of false personalities.

The story of Timmy, who abandons his true self to escape shame, illustrating the consequences of societal pressures.

Timmy's transformation into a 'masculine' persona to avoid shame and the impact on his authenticity.

The realization of the futility of living a life based on others' expectations rather than one's own desires.

The importance of reclaiming one's life and living authentically to escape the cycle of shame.

A distinction is made between toxic shame and a potentially healthy form of shame related to self-improvement.

The video concludes with a call to action for viewers to consider Nietzsche's words and their implications.

Transcripts

In /The Joyous Science/, Nietzsche writes, “Whom do you call bad?

Those who always want to put others to shame.

What is most humane?

To spare someone shame.

What is the seal of liberation?

To no longer be ashamed of oneself.”

So according to Nietzsche, someone who’s truly free is free of shame, and he thinks

someone who shames others is bad.

Why is it important to be free of shame, and why is it bad to shame others?

That’s what I wanna explore in this essay, and I wanna start with a question: what does

it mean to be free?

In /The Joyous Science/, Nietzsche says, “What does your conscience say?

‘You shall become who you are.’”

Let me explain.

This is an important idea in Nietzsche’s work, and not only is it one that I agree

with, but it’s the starting point for this essay: everyone has a true self which they

must become, and it’s possible for us to fail to become our true selves.

Think of yourself like the seed of an oak tree.

As the seed, you contain the entire, full expression of the oak tree within you, but

if the conditions aren’t right, if the soil isn’t good, if you don’t have enough sunlight,

rain, or nutrients, you can fail to become a fully grown oak tree.

And so freedom is the freedom to become what you are, to become the fullest expression

of yourself, and with that idea in mind, we can turn back to shame.

Why is shame bad?

Because it can prevent you from fully becoming who you are.

And to explain how, let’s look deeper into shame.

What’s the thought behind shame?

The shameful mind says, “who I am is not who I should be.”

But what does that mean?

Let’s look into it.

The shameful mind has an ideal.

It has an image of what it means to be a man, or a woman, or a father, or a wife.

And the shameful mind compares itself to this ideal image and finds itself inadequate.

And this measurement, this realization that /who I am is not who I should be/, leads to

shame.

But where did this ideal image come from?

All “shoulds” come from society.

Think about it.

When you were a baby, did you have ideas about what you /should/ do?

Probably not.

You just did what you wanted to do.

A pure mind says, “this is what I want to do.”

A conditioned mind says, “this is what I should do.”

So when you live according to a should, you aren’t being yourself.

You’re being who your society wants you to be, and you’re trying to live according

to your society’s image.

You’ve become a puppet of your society.

And if you understand that, you understand why Nietzsche thinks shame is bad.

To shame others is to reject who they are.

To shame others is to make people be who you want them to be and not allow them to be themselves.

And when you submit to the shame of others, you reject your true self.

And what happens when we reject our true selves?

In John Bradshaw’s, /Healing the Shame that Binds You/, he says that, in order to escape

our shame, we often end up creating false personalities.

Let’s look at an example.

As a little boy, Timmy was highly sensitive, artistic, and intuitive.

He would cry whenever he watched a sad movie or listened to a sad song.

He would spend his time painting rather than playing sports.

And he was very attentive to how others felt.

And honestly, these were Timmy’s strengths, and he would have made a great artist one

day.

But Timmy’s mother always compared Timmy to his brother.

She would say, “you should be more athletic and outgoing like your brother.

Your brother is a real man, and you should be like that.

You’re just a skinny, little, girly boy.”

And Timmy’s mother would constantly put him down and shame him for who he was.

And so Timmy began to think, /who I am is not who I should be.

There’s something fundamentally wrong with me./ And so to escape his shame, he abandoned

his true-self—the artistic, sensitive, and intuitive self—and adopted a false personality.

He began to imitate his brother’s actions.

He started going to the gym, playing football, and in general, being a complete bro.

He began to play this masculine role and wear this masculine mask to protect himself from

shame.

But to play this role effectively, he himself had to believe that it wasn’t a role.

So he had to convince himself of his persona before he could convince others of his persona,

and by doing so, he had to cut off contact with his real, authentic self.

And because he was playing a role, because those behaviours were not authentic for him,

because his life became about outer appearances rather than inner development, he became a

shell of a person.

He felt more isolated and alienated from others.

He felt lonely in the presence of others, because they were never really seeing his

true self.

So what happens to Timmy in the end?

Thankfully, at some point, Timmy realizes that he’s stuck in toxic relationships.

The people around him, his mother especially, wanna control his life, and so far, he has

submitted to their desires.

He’s living the life they want him to live, rather than the life he wants to live.

But finally, he see’s the futility of this lifestyle.

By living how his mother and brother believe he should, he maintains his relationship with

them.

But what’s the point of maintaining these relationships?

He’s not getting anything out of it, and in fact, he’s shrinking as a person.

He realizes that these aren’t real relationships.

He has no real intimacy with these people: they don’t even know who he really is.

And because they don’t know who he really is, he feels lonely in their presence: there’s

no real connection with them.

His relationship with them is based on power, not love.

And seeing the futility of this entire act, seeing the futility of playing a role, he

decides to stop.

He finds people who accept him for who he is and lives according to what he wants.

He comes back into contact with his real self, develops real relationships, and no longer

feels lonely and isolated.

He feels more alive and grounded in life, and he reclaims his life as an artist, the

life he lost when he abandoned his true self.

So why is shame bad?

Because it prevents us from becoming who we are.

But keep in mind, I’m talking about toxic shame: shame that arises out of the idea that

/who I am is not who I should be./ There is, perhaps, a healthy form of shame that arises

from the idea that /who I am is not who I want to be/, but that’s a different topic

for a different video.

As always, this is just my opinion and understanding of Nietzsche’s words, not advice.

If you liked the video, please consider liking the video.

And if you’re looking for another Nietzsche video to watch after this one, I recommend

watching my video “Nietzsche - Follow No One, Trust Yourself”.

I’ll put a link to it in the description below and in the top right of the screen

right now.