How to get into social flow state

Summary

In this insightful video, the speaker explores the concept of achieving a 'social flow' state, where one is fully immersed and charismatic in social situations. Drawing on Mikhail Csikszentmihalyi's 'flow state' theory, the script emphasizes the importance of balancing challenge with reward. It advises viewers to improve their social skills through practice and selflessness, focusing on others rather than personal insecurities. The video also highlights the role of mindfulness, gained through meditation, in entering the flow state. Finally, it offers resources for further self-improvement and social success.

Takeaways

• 🌟 The 'flow state' is a psychological state where one is so absorbed in an activity that hours pass without any self-conscious thoughts.
• 📚 The term 'flow state' was coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and is characterized by a balance between challenge and reward.
• 🏋️‍♂️ To achieve social flow, one must improve their social skills, which often require training and practice.
• 🗣️ Social challenges can be too high for those with underdeveloped social skills, leading to anxiety in social situations.
• 🤔 The speaker suggests that focusing on the other person during social interactions, rather than oneself, can help overcome insecurities and improve social experiences.
• 👀 Observing and taking an interest in others' characteristics and behaviors can enhance one's social skills and interactions.
• 📚 Reading books like 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie and 'The Magic of Thinking Big' by David Schwartz can significantly improve social skills.
• 🧘‍♂️ Mindfulness, gained through meditation, is key to achieving the flow state and can be likened to the 'muscle gains' from a workout.
• 🤝 As social skills improve, the level of social challenge one can handle increases, allowing for more rewarding social experiences.
• 🎯 The balance between social challenge and reward is crucial for consistently entering the social flow state.
• 🔔 The speaker offers personal coaching and resources for self-improvement, including a newsletter and video content focused on masculinity and personal development.

Q & A

What is the 'flow state' as described in the transcript?

The 'flow state' is a psychological state where a person is so involved in an activity that they lose track of time and their surroundings. It's characterized by a lack of self-consciousness and an effortless performance, often associated with activities that are challenging yet rewarding.

Who coined the term 'flow state'?

Mikhail Csikszentmihalyi coined the term 'flow state'.

What is the relationship between challenge and reward in achieving a flow state?

In order to achieve a flow state, there needs to be a balance between the level of challenge and the level of reward. The challenge should be high enough to engage the individual, but not so high as to cause frustration, and the reward should be significant enough to motivate continued effort.

Why is it important to level up social skills to achieve social flow?

Leveling up social skills is important because it allows an individual to handle higher levels of social challenges without feeling anxious. This makes it easier to enter the flow state during social interactions.

What is the role of ego in social interactions according to the transcript?

The transcript suggests that having a large ego or being overly self-conscious can hinder social flow. Focusing on the other person rather than oneself can create more enjoyable social experiences and help overcome insecurities.

How can one practice mindfulness to enhance their ability to enter the flow state?

Mindfulness can be practiced through meditation. The more one meditates, the more mindful they become, which in turn makes it easier to enter the flow state during various activities, including social interactions.

What are some books recommended in the transcript to improve social skills?

The transcript recommends 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie and 'The Magic of Thinking Big' by David Schwartz as resources to improve social skills.

What is the significance of observing others in social situations as per the transcript?

Observing others in social situations helps to take an interest in them as individuals, which can lead to more engaging and less self-conscious interactions, thus facilitating the flow state.

What does the transcript suggest about the relationship between social skill level and the level of challenge one can endure?

The transcript suggests that as one's social skill level increases, so does their ability to endure higher levels of social challenges, making it more likely for them to achieve the flow state in social situations.

How does the transcript define the 'social reward' in the context of achieving flow?

The 'social reward' in the context of achieving flow refers to the perceived value or satisfaction gained from a social interaction. The transcript suggests that higher social rewards, such as meeting new people or having novel experiences, can motivate individuals to enter the flow state.

What is the role of self-improvement coaching as mentioned in the transcript?

Self-improvement coaching, as mentioned in the transcript, is a personalized approach to help individuals with their goals and self-improvement journeys, including aspects like fitness, making new friends, and building confidence in social situations.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Achieving Social Flow: Understanding and Enhancing

The first paragraph introduces the concept of being in a 'social flow' state, where one is completely immersed in social interactions without any self-conscious thoughts. It explains that this state is characterized by charisma and effortless interaction, but it's often fleeting. The speaker aims to teach viewers how to consistently achieve this state by understanding the 'flow state' as defined by Mikhail Csikszentmihalyi, which occurs when there's a balance between challenge and reward. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of improving social skills through practice and selflessness, focusing on the other person rather than one's insecurities. It also suggests reading books like 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie and 'The Magic of Thinking Big' by David Schwartz to enhance social skills.

05:01

🚀 Leveling Up Social Skills and Mindfulness for Social Flow

The second paragraph continues the discussion on social flow by focusing on the importance of leveling up social skills and the role of mindfulness. It points out that social rewards are perceived higher in new and challenging situations, such as meeting new people or attending parties, compared to interactions with long-time friends. The speaker advises that improving social skills can lead to more social invitations and the confidence to initiate social events. Furthermore, the paragraph highlights the significance of mindfulness in achieving a flow state, likening meditation to a workout that builds mindfulness, which in turn facilitates easier entry into the social flow. The speaker also promotes their self-improvement coaching services and resources such as a newsletter and additional videos on related topics.

Keywords

💡Social Flow

Social flow is a psychological state where a person is fully immersed in social interactions, experiencing a sense of ease and charisma without self-consciousness. It is central to the video's theme, which aims to teach viewers how to consistently achieve this state. The script describes social flow as a 'magical moment' where hours pass without any insecure thoughts.

💡Flow State

The flow state is a concept coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, characterized by complete immersion in an activity, leading to a loss of self-consciousness and a heightened sense of performance. In the context of the video, achieving the flow state in social situations is likened to athletes being 'in the zone,' where actions are performed effortlessly and effectively.

💡Challenge

In the script, 'challenge' refers to the level of difficulty or engagement required in a social situation to achieve the flow state. The video suggests that the right level of challenge is crucial for entering the flow state, and that social skills must be developed to handle higher levels of social challenge without inducing anxiety.

💡Reward

Reward in this context is the perceived benefit or satisfaction gained from a social interaction, which influences the likelihood of entering the flow state. The video emphasizes that higher social rewards, such as meeting new people or having unique conversations, can motivate individuals to improve their social skills and thus be more likely to experience social flow.

💡Social Skills

Social skills are the abilities that enable effective interaction with others. The video script highlights the importance of developing these skills to manage social challenges and increase the chances of achieving social flow. It points out that most people have not spent time leveling up their social skills, which can lead to social anxiety and a lack of flow.

💡Ego

Ego, in the video, is portrayed as a barrier to achieving social flow. It is suggested that losing one's ego and focusing on the other person in a social interaction can create more positive and charismatic experiences. The script uses the term to illustrate the shift from self-consciousness to genuine interest in others.

💡Insecurities

Insecurities are personal doubts or anxieties that can disrupt social flow. The video script mentions that when people are focused on their insecurities, such as physical appearance or social acceptance, they are not able to be fully present in social interactions, thus hindering the flow state.

💡Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present and engaged in the moment, without distraction or self-consciousness. The video links mindfulness to the flow state, suggesting that it can be cultivated through meditation and helps individuals to achieve social flow by being completely involved in social activities.

💡Meditation

Meditation is a practice that involves focusing the mind to achieve mental clarity and calmness. The video script recommends meditation as a means to develop mindfulness, which in turn facilitates the entry into the social flow state. It is likened to a workout that builds the 'muscle' of mindfulness.

💡Self-Improvement

Self-improvement is a personal journey of growth and development. The video script offers self-improvement coaching and resources, such as a newsletter and book recommendations, to help viewers enhance their social skills and overall personal development, which are integral to achieving social flow.

💡Books

The script mentions specific books, such as 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie and 'The Magic of Thinking Big' by David Schwartz, as resources for improving social skills. These books provide practical advice and strategies that can be applied to enhance social interactions and contribute to achieving social flow.

Highlights

Social flow is described as a state where one is fully involved in the environment, feeling charismatic and without self-doubt.

The concept of 'flow state' was coined by Mikhail Csikszentmihalyi and involves the right balance of challenge and reward.

In the flow state, actions are performed effortlessly without conscious thought, similar to athletes being 'in the zone'.

To achieve the flow state, the challenge must be at a 'golden area' where it is neither too easy nor too difficult.

Social skills often need improvement to handle the challenges of social situations without anxiety.

The speaker suggests that most people have not spent time leveling up their social skills, which leads to social challenges.

To improve social skills, the speaker recommends focusing on the other person and losing one's ego.

Observing and taking an interest in others' characteristics and behaviors can enhance social experiences.

Books such as 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' and 'The Magic of Thinking Big' can significantly improve social skills.

The speaker offers a Skillshare class on the principles from 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'.

As social skills improve, the level of social challenge one can handle increases, leading to a higher chance of entering the flow state.

The perception of social rewards needs to be high to motivate entering the flow state, such as meeting new people or attending parties.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of mindfulness, which is gained through meditation and helps achieve the flow state.

Meditation is likened to a workout, with mindfulness being the gains or results from the practice.

The speaker offers personal coaching services for self-improvement and goal achievement.

An email newsletter is available for subscribers to receive practical advice on masculinity and self-improvement.

The video 'Three Principles of Social Success' is recommended for further insights into social skills and success.

Transcripts

being in a state of social flow is like

a magical moment

hours pass by and not one insecure

thought pops into your mind you don't

even think

at all you are completely involved in

the environment around you

everyone finds you charismatic but then

slowly and surely you start coming out

of that state

and you go back to your normal self

who's overthinking who

fidgets and stutters and you just wish

that you could get back into the social

flow you've probably experienced this

quite a lot

today i'm going to teach you how to get

into the social flow consistently

firstly we have to understand

the flow state coined by mikhail checker

his name's on the screen when you've got

the right level of a challenge and the

right level of a reward

you enter the flow state when you get

into a flow state in terms of work or

sports

it's like what athletes call being in

the zone there's no thoughts

there's no there's no plan of what

you're going to do which step you're

going to take which which

punch you're gonna throw if you're

boxing or what you're gonna do next in

your work there's no thoughts

you just act and how you act when you're

in the flow state is

incredible it's like you do everything

right you don't miss any shots

you don't take any jabs yourself you

throw all the jabs and they connect to

the chin

you do the work so perfectly and it's

incredible three hours have just went by

and it felt like you did work for 20

minutes

so we need to be at this right point

this golden area to achieve the flow

states

the challenge needs to be just in the

right spot and the reward needs to be

big enough so let's talk about the

challenge and reward separately in terms

of social experiences to get into the

right level of social challenge

requires training most guys social

skills are pretty trash be honest

how many hours have you spent leveling

up your social skills in the last month

be honest

zero don't don't lie to me bro zero zero

it's no wonder why we all suck at social

experiences and

you know we've strived to get back into

the social flow because we haven't

leveled up the skill the social

challenge is always going to be too high

when the only social skill practice

you've got is speaking to your friends

on discord and that means that any real

life social experience the challenge of

it's going to be too high because it's

just going to be anxiety-inducing let's

say you go to a party you go to some

kind of social event and you're only

used to speaking to your closest friends

on discord and whatsapp

you're going to struggle you're going to

feel very anxious because

your level of social skills are not good

enough for that experience

so start by leveling up your social

skills first and most important way to

do that

is to start thinking about the other

person instead of yourself lose your ego

you're not that important

they are more important than you in the

social experience this is how you create

lovely social experiences when you think

about the person more

than you think about yourself because

why do we think about ourselves

we only really think about ourselves

because either one we've got a massive

ego

which i don't think most people are

there but the second one

we've got insecurities we're speaking to

someone new and oh she might be looking

at my nipples bro i've had some [ __ ]

titties she might be looking oh

oh she might be looking at my teeth is

she looking for me make sure you

smile like this yeah when we think about

our insecurities we're not

in the social flow we're not thinking

about the other person we're not being

charismatic

we're just being insecure there is a few

things you can do to help this but

mainly

start thinking about the other person

take an interest in them

as a human being this is like a fun

little thing i do when i speak to

someone i actually

observe them and their characteristics

and their behavior their body language

their vocal tone

everything they do i find interest in

that here's my boy jonathan

and everything he does is iconic it's

individual it's unique to him

so isn't that just something that's

interesting that you can like look at a

person and think like oh

that is this individual because other

people would have behaved

and reacted to maybe something i said

different than he did

and so that's something to be interested

by observe your fellow human because

it's kind of like people watching on a

deeper level books like how to win

friends and influence people by dale

carnegie and

the magic of thinking big by david

schwartz they help incredibly with

social skills

yes it is a little bit weird reading

about how to interact with other humans

but

if it helps then why wouldn't you use it

to your benefit how to win friends and

influence people

skyrocketed my social skills and

actually very quickly i made a

skillshare class on that

where i went through all 30 principles i

told you what was in the book so you

don't really have to read the book if

you watch the class and also i told you

like an example from me and you know

like a piece of advice from me and every

principal

it's like an hour long it's on

skillshare go to the description right

now if you want to watch it and click on

the skillshare link so the higher your

social skill level

the harder the challenge that is at the

right level for you

so if you're untrained and you don't

have great social skills the the

challenge that you can take is actually

very low

but as you level up your skills you read

these books you try to approach

strangers in public and just talk to

random people as you walk past

that levels up your social skills and

that levels up the level of challenge

that you can endure

social reward this bit's very important

you're more likely to get into the

social flow if you

perceive the rewards of this social

experience as

high enough with friends that you've had

for years the social reward of that is

quite low

because you've had conversations with

these guys 500 times

so the next conversation is not going to

be exactly so rewarding compared to

speaking to a new girl you've just met

for the first time or being in a party

and

speaking to 10 people there the reward

of these situations is far higher but

obviously the challenge of these new

situations speaking to a girl you've

never met before

being in a party the social challenge of

those situations is far higher and this

is why we have to start with leveling up

our social skills first

and this works out easier than you think

if you focus on leveling up your social

skills first

actually giving it some time and

intention of your day to actively think

how can i be better in social

experiences how can i treat my fellow

human better you will make more friends

and get more invites to social

experiences

and you'll probably even get the

confidence to invite people to the

social experiences that you host

yourself

these new experiences are slightly more

challenging but now of course

you've got the social skills to handle

that and these new experiences

are far more socially rewarding and so

now you're hitting that sweet spot where

the challenge and the reward is at the

right level

finally we have to talk about the

importance of mindfulness the most

iconic characteristic of the flow state

is a lack of thought a complete

involvement in activity a lack of self

that's mindfulness that is mindfulness

mindfulness is gained through meditation

think of meditation as the gym workout

and mindfulness as the gains the muscle

that you make from that workout

the more you meditate the more mindful

you become and the more mindful you

become

the easier it is for you to get into

that social flow state

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finally there is a video that just

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take care oh i am dungy