Don’t chase happiness. Become antifragile | Tal Ben-Shahar | Big Think

Summary

The video explores the concept of antifragility, which refers to systems that grow stronger under pressure, and its relevance to the pursuit of happiness. The speaker, Tal Ben Shahar, introduces the SPIRE model, an acronym representing spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational, and emotional well-being. He emphasizes the importance of embracing painful emotions, cultivating gratitude, and pursuing happiness indirectly by focusing on these elements. The key message is that true happiness is a lifelong journey, and by fostering realistic expectations and implementing the SPIRE model, individuals can increase their chances of growing through hardship and achieving overall well-being.

Takeaways

• 🙂 There are only two kinds of people who do not experience painful emotions: psychopaths and the dead.
• 🌱 Embracing painful emotions is an important part of living a happy life.
• 💪 The concept of 'antifragility' refers to growing stronger from pressure and stress, like muscles growing from weightlifting.
• 🌈 The SPIRE model (Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Relational, Emotional) represents the elements that indirectly contribute to happiness.
• ✨ Finding meaning and purpose in life (spiritual well-being) can help overcome barriers.
• 💆‍♀️ Allowing for recovery from stress is crucial for physical well-being.
• 🤔 Intellectual well-being involves being curious, asking questions, and deeply engaging with material.
• 👫 Quality time with loved ones is the number one predictor of happiness (relational well-being).
• 🙏 Cultivating gratitude and appreciating the good in life is essential for emotional well-being.
• 🚶‍♂️ Happiness is a lifelong journey, not a destination, and having realistic expectations is important.

Q & A

What are the two kinds of people who do not experience painful emotions according to the speaker?

According to the speaker, the two kinds of people who do not experience painful emotions are psychopaths and those who are dead.

What is the false understanding or expectation about a happy life mentioned by the speaker?

The false understanding or expectation mentioned is that a happy life means being happy all the time.

What is the importance of learning to accept and embrace painful emotions according to the speaker?

According to the speaker, learning to accept and even embrace painful emotions is an important part of a happy life.

What is the concept of 'antifragility' introduced by Nassim Taleb?

Antifragility is essentially resilience 2.0, where a system grows bigger and stronger when pressure is put on it, as opposed to just returning to its original form after the pressure is lifted.

What is the role of the science of happiness according to the speaker?

The role of the science of happiness is to teach us what conditions we can put in place to increase the likelihood of growing from hardship.

What is the paradox when it comes to pursuing happiness?

The paradox is that while happiness is a good thing, people who say to themselves 'Happiness is important for me, I want to pursue it' actually end up being less happy and are more likely to experience depression.

How does the speaker suggest resolving the paradox of pursuing happiness?

The way to resolve the paradox is to pursue happiness indirectly, by breaking it down into its elements or constituents, much like indirectly looking at sunlight by observing the colors of the rainbow.

What does the SPIRE model stand for?

SPIRE is an acronym that stands for spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational, and emotional well-being.

What is the importance of relational well-being according to the speaker?

According to the speaker, relational well-being is very important, as the quality time we spend with people we care about and who care about us is the number one predictor of happiness, and is also the number one condition that can increase the likelihood of antifragility or growing through hardship.

What is the speaker's view on the pursuit of happiness?

The speaker believes that happiness is not a fixed state, but rather a lifelong journey that resides on a continuum, and we should have realistic expectations about what is possible. While things may not necessarily happen for the best, we can learn to make the best of the things that happen.

Outlines

00:00

🧠 Embracing Painful Emotions and Antifragility

The video discusses the concept of antifragility introduced by Nassim Taleb, which is resilience 2.0 where a system grows stronger under pressure, like muscles growing stronger from lifting weights. It explores the idea of post-traumatic growth (PTG), where individuals grow stronger as a result of stress, in contrast to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The science of happiness aims to teach conditions that increase the likelihood of growing from hardship. The speaker, Tal Ben Shahar, introduces the SPIRE model for pursuing happiness indirectly, which stands for spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational, and emotional well-being.

05:04

🌈 The SPIRE Model for Happiness

The paragraph delves into the SPIRE model, which represents the metaphorical colors of the rainbow for happiness. Spirituality involves finding meaning and purpose in life. Physical well-being focuses on managing stress and allowing for recovery. Intellectual well-being emphasizes curiosity, asking questions, and deep engagement with material. Relational well-being highlights the importance of quality time with loved ones, which is the number one predictor of happiness and a condition for antifragility. Emotional well-being involves embracing painful emotions and cultivating positive ones like gratitude. Happiness is seen as a lifelong journey on a continuum, requiring realistic expectations.

Keywords

💡Antifragility

Antifragility is a concept introduced by Nassim Taleb, which goes beyond resilience. It refers to systems or entities that not only withstand stress or pressure but actually grow stronger from it. The video uses the example of muscles growing stronger when exposed to the stress of weightlifting, illustrating antifragility in our physical bodies. On a psychological level, post-traumatic growth (PTG) is presented as an example of antifragility, where individuals grow stronger as a result of experiencing trauma or hardship.

💡Happiness

Happiness is a central theme in the video, explored through the lens of the "science of happiness" or "happiness studies." The speaker, Tal Ben Shahar, discusses the paradox of pursuing happiness directly, as research suggests that individuals who value happiness as an important goal are more likely to experience depression. Instead, the video proposes pursuing happiness indirectly by focusing on the "SPIRE" elements: spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational, and emotional well-being.

💡Purpose

Purpose, or finding a sense of meaning in life, is presented as a crucial aspect of spiritual well-being within the SPIRE model. The video suggests that waking up with a sense of purpose can help individuals overcome barriers and embrace challenges, contributing to overall happiness and growth.

💡Physical Well-being

Physical well-being is one of the elements of the SPIRE model. The video highlights the importance of managing stress and allowing for recovery, as chronic stress without proper rest or vacation time can have detrimental effects on health and happiness. Physical well-being is portrayed as a foundational aspect of overall well-being and happiness.

💡Intellectual Well-being

Intellectual well-being, according to the video, involves cultivating curiosity, asking questions, and deeply engaging with material such as texts, art, or nature. The video cites research suggesting that intellectually curious individuals tend to be happier and live longer lives. Intellectual engagement is presented as a key component of the SPIRE model for achieving happiness.

💡Relational Well-being

Relational well-being refers to the quality of relationships and connections with others. The video identifies quality time spent with loved ones as the number one predictor of happiness. Furthermore, it suggests that strong relationships are a crucial condition for antifragility, enabling individuals to grow through hardship and adversity.

💡Emotional Well-being

Emotional well-being is the final element of the SPIRE model. The video emphasizes the importance of embracing painful emotions, as well as cultivating positive emotions like gratitude. Gratitude is described as the "mother of all virtues," as appreciating the good in one's life can lead to increased happiness and well-being.

💡Continuum

The video suggests that happiness exists on a continuum rather than as a binary state of being happy or unhappy. This perspective encourages realistic expectations about happiness, acknowledging it as a lifelong journey with varying degrees of well-being rather than a fixed destination.

💡Gratitude

Gratitude is highlighted as a powerful emotion for cultivating happiness and well-being. The video cites the ancient philosopher Cicero, who referred to gratitude as the "mother of all virtues." By appreciating the good in one's life, the video suggests, individuals can experience more happiness and fulfillment.

💡Resilience

Resilience is introduced as a precursor to the concept of antifragility. The video explains resilience as the ability of a system to return to its original form after experiencing stress or pressure. Antifragility takes this a step further by allowing the system to grow stronger from the same stress or pressure.

Highlights

Only psychopaths and the deceased do not experience painful emotions.

A happy life involves accepting and embracing painful emotions.

The study of painful emotions is crucial in happiness studies.

Tal Ben Shahar introduces the concept of antifragility, resilience 2.0.

Antifragile systems grow stronger under pressure, unlike merely resilient ones.

Examples of antifragility include muscular growth from exercise and psychological post-traumatic growth.

The science of happiness aims to identify conditions that foster growth from hardship.

Pursuing happiness directly can be paradoxically harmful.

Happiness should be pursued indirectly, similar to enjoying sunlight without looking directly at the sun.

The SPIRE model encompasses spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational, and emotional well-being.

Spiritual well-being is tied to a sense of meaning and purpose.

Physical well-being highlights the importance of recovery from stress.

Intellectual curiosity and engagement are linked to happiness and longevity.

Relational well-being is critical, with quality relationships being a top happiness predictor.

Emotional well-being involves embracing painful emotions and cultivating gratitude.

Happiness is a continuum and a lifelong journey, not a binary state.

Transcripts

- There are only two kinds of people

who do not experience painful emotions.

The first kind are the psychopaths.

The second kind are dead.

(bell tolls)

(mournful music)

There is a false understanding or expectation

that a happy life means being happy all the time.

No.

Learning to accept, and even embrace painful emotions

is an important part of a happy life.

And the study of painful emotions is an important part

of the field of happiness studies.

My name is Tal Ben Shahar.

I'm a student and teacher in the field of happiness studies.

And my most recent book is "Happier, No Matter What".

There is a very important concept that was introduced

by Nassim Taleb.

And that is antifragility.

Antifragility is essentially resilience 2.0.

Resilience 1.0 is when we put pressure on a system.

After the pressure is lifted, that system goes back

to its original form.

Antifragility takes this idea a step further.

You put pressure on a system.

It actually grows bigger, stronger.

We see antifragile systems all around us and within us.

For example, our muscular system,

we go to the gym and we lift weights.

We're putting pressure on our muscles.

What happens as a result, we actually grow stronger.

We're an antifragile system.

On the psychological level, you know what that's called?

PTG, post traumatic growth.

So where post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD,

is about breaking down,

post traumatic growth is about growing stronger

as a result of pressure of stress.

It's antifragility.

The role of the science of happiness

is to teach us what conditions

we can put in place to increase the likelihood

of growing from hardship.

Now, there is a paradox when it comes to pursuing happiness.

(bright music)

On the one hand, we know that happiness is a good thing,

whether in and of itself, or as a means toward other ends.

At the same time, we also know from research

by Iris Moss and others,

that people who say to themselves,

"Happiness is important for me, I want to pursue it,"

those individuals actually end up being less happy.

In fact, they're more likely to experience depression.

So the paradox is that on the one hand,

happiness is clearly a good thing.

On the other hand,

valuing it as a good thing is problematic.

So what do we do?

The way to resolve this paradox

is that we pursue happiness indirectly.

Think about sunlight.

So if I look at the sun directly,

it's going to hurt my eyes.

However, if I break down sunlight into its elements,

into its constituents,

I can look at the colors of the rainbow.

So I'm indirectly looking at the sunlight,

enjoying it, savoring it.

In the same way, pursuing happiness directly

can cause more harm than good.

But breaking it down into its elements

can lead us to enjoy the indirect pursuit of happiness,

and by extension, to raise our overall levels of happiness.

What are the metaphorical colors of the rainbow

when it comes to happiness?

Here we have what I've come to call the SPIRE model.

And it can trigger the antifragile system.

SPIRE is an acronym that stands

for spiritual, physical, intellectual,

relational, and finally, emotional well-being.

Spirituality is about finding a sense of meaning

and purpose in life, at work and at home.

If you wake up in the morning with a purpose,

you're more likely to overcome barriers.

When it comes to physical wellbeing,

The most important idea to look at is stress,

the silent killer.

In the United States, more than half of the employees

do not use up their vacation time.

And even those that do, close to half are still tethered

to their work.

The problem is not the stress,

it's the lack of recovery.

With intellectual wellbeing, there's research showing

that people who are curious, who ask questions

are not just happier,

they also live longer.

Another important element is not just asking questions,

it's deeply engaging with material.

It can be text, a work of art, even nature.

Relational wellbeing is very important.

The number one predictor of happiness is quality time

we spend with people we care about and who care about us.

And it turns out the number one condition

that we can put in place

to increase the likelihood of antifragility

of growing through hardship

is the quality of our relationships.

Finally, emotional wellbeing.

So embracing painful emotions is critical,

but how do we then cultivate pleasurable ones?

Specifically, the emotion of gratitude.

Cicero talked about, "Gratitude is the mother

of all virtues."

When we appreciate the good in our life, we have more of it.

So happiness is much more than pleasure.

Happiness is wholebeing.

These five elements together create

that sunlight, happiness.

I don't think there is a point before which one

is unhappy after which one is happy.

Rather, happiness resides on a continuum.

It's a lifelong journey.

And knowing that, we can have realistic

rather than unrealistic expectations about what is possible.

I do not think that things necessarily happen for the best.

However, we can learn to make the best

of things that happen.

(bright orchestral music)

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