Why doesn’t success bring happiness? | Laura Gassner Otting | TEDxReno

Summary

In this thought-provoking talk, the speaker explores the paradox of success, dubbing it 'Wonderhell'—a state of increased ambition and goals that paradoxically brings about uncertainty and stress. Drawing from personal experience and interviews with high achievers, the speaker suggests redefining success as a journey of growth, not a destination, and embracing the discomfort and potential it brings as a path to thriving.

Takeaways

• 🌟 Success can be energizing and exciting, but it also comes with increased goals and a faster pace, leading to uncertainty and stress.
• 🚪 Success opens more doors, but it also reveals new opportunities that can be daunting and previously unimaginable.
• 🤔 The pursuit of more after achieving success can lead to a paradoxical state the speaker calls 'Wonderhell', where the hunger for more is both exciting and stressful.
• 🛫 The speaker's personal experience with 'Wonderhell' involved a period of intense work and travel that led to burnout and a moment of realization about the potential of their work.
• 🧭 Success is not a final destination but an inflection point, indicating that there is more to achieve and learn.
• 📚 The speaker sought advice from books and social media, finding that neither extreme of relentless ambition nor carefree pursuit of passion provided a satisfactory answer.
• 🤝 Interviewing high achievers revealed that they all experienced imposter syndrome and burnout but managed to thrive by embracing their potential and the challenges that come with it.
• 💪 Coming to terms with one's ambition is crucial; envisioning success allows us to see a new version of ourselves with untapped potential.
• 🔍 Mixed emotions are not limitations but opportunities for growth; they should be listened to and understood as allies in the journey towards success.
• 🔄 'Wonderhell' is a recurring part of the journey, and each instance offers a chance for growth and learning rather than a temporary hurdle to overcome.
• 🛤️ Redefining success as a waypoint rather than an endpoint allows for continuous growth and the embracing of discomfort as a path to new opportunities.

Q & A

What does the term 'Wonderhell' refer to in the context of the speech?

In the context of the speech, 'Wonderhell' refers to the paradoxical experience of success, which is both wonderful and hellish. It describes the increased pace, hunger, and bigger goals that come with success, as well as the accompanying uncertainty, self-doubt, anxiety, and stress.

Why do successful people often feel unhappy despite their achievements, according to the speaker?

According to the speaker, successful people often feel unhappy because success brings with it a new set of challenges and expectations. It creates a cycle of increased ambition and higher goals, which can lead to feelings of uncertainty, self-doubt, and anxiety, rather than the expected happiness.

What was the speaker's personal 'Wonderhell' moment, and how did it affect them?

The speaker's personal 'Wonderhell' moment occurred shortly after the launch of their last book. They were exhausted from constant travel, existing on coffee and protein bars, and dealing with the stress and terror of a high-pressure launch. This led to a realization of their own potential and the beginning of a cycle of increased ambition and stress.

How does the speaker suggest we should view success to avoid the 'Wonderhell' feeling?

The speaker suggests that we should view success not as a final destination but as a waypoint or an inflection point along the journey. This mindset allows for continuous growth and learning, rather than seeing success as an endpoint that brings an end to challenges and growth.

What are the three ways the speaker outlines to navigate through 'Wonderhell'?

The three ways to navigate 'Wonderhell' are: 1) Coming to terms with one's ambition and embracing the new version of oneself that comes with envisioning success. 2) Recognizing mixed emotions as invitations for growth rather than limitations. 3) Understanding that 'Wonderhell' is a repeat visitor and viewing it as a series of waypoints rather than a single hurdle.

Why do internal candidates often leave if they don’t get the job, as mentioned in the script?

Internal candidates often leave if they don’t get the job because the process of interviewing for a bigger role requires them to envision themselves in that role, which changes their perception of themselves. Once they see this new version of themselves, they can't unsee it, leading to a desire for new opportunities.

How does the speaker define the concept of 'potential' in relation to 'Wonderhell'?

The speaker defines 'potential' as the promise and possibility that one feels when they envision a new version of themselves that is capable of more. It's the realization of what one can be and all that they can embody, which becomes a driving force in pushing through the challenges of 'Wonderhell'.

What role do emotions play in the 'Wonderhell' experience, according to the speaker?

According to the speaker, emotions play a crucial role in the 'Wonderhell' experience. They are not just side effects but are actually helpful allies that can be reflected upon, listened to, and renegotiated. These emotions are part of the journey towards growth and should be embraced rather than suppressed.

How does the speaker suggest we change our internal dialogue to better handle 'Wonderhell'?

The speaker suggests changing the internal dialogue from a warning voice that focuses on the unfamiliarity and fear of new challenges to a cheerleading voice that encourages embracing the potential and running towards new opportunities.

What is the main takeaway from the speech regarding how to approach success and potential?

The main takeaway is to redefine success as a continuous journey of growth and learning, rather than a final destination. This approach allows individuals to embrace the discomfort and challenges ('Wonderhell') as opportunities for growth and to continually expand their potential.