Why Almost All Avoidants Return After Rejecting You

Summary

This video script explores the psychology behind why people return after being rejected, challenging common beliefs with insights from a study by Helen Fisher. It suggests that romantic rejection activates brain regions linked to addiction and cravings, comparing the process to drug addiction stages. The speaker questions the effectiveness of the 'no contact' rule and discusses the importance of understanding the underlying reasons for wanting an ex back. The script also shares personal coaching experiences, emphasizing the role of emotional support and self-reflection in moving forward, rather than just focusing on getting an ex back.

Takeaways

• 🧠 The script discusses a study by Helen Fisher, which suggests that romantic rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings.
• 💔 It compares the stages of dealing with rejection to those of drug addiction, suggesting that the craving for the person who rejected us is similar to a drug craving.
• 🤔 The 'no contact rule' is often seen as a way to make an ex miss you, but the script questions its effectiveness based on a poll showing that 64% of people reported their ex never reached out during no contact periods.
• 📊 Statistics from an Associated Press survey indicate that 40% of people who break up get back together, while 60% do not, highlighting the variability in outcomes after a breakup.
• 👥 The script shares personal coaching results, where 7 out of 10 clients were able to reunite with their exes, but it also acknowledges that this success rate may be due to the high level of support provided.
• 🔄 The importance of addressing anxious attachment styles and dismissive avoidance in relationships is highlighted, as these dynamics can lead to a cycle of rejection and failed attempts to reconcile.
• 🎯 The script emphasizes the role of consistent emotional support and guidance in helping clients navigate their feelings and behaviors post-breakup.
• 🤯 It challenges the idea of glorifying getting an ex back, expressing concern about prolonging suffering and the potential for repeated breakups.
• 💬 The speaker encourages viewers to ask themselves why they want their ex back and whether the person is truly worth it, suggesting that self-reflection is crucial before pursuing reconciliation.
• 👁️ The concept of 'pulling the wool over your eyes' is used to illustrate the importance of seeing the truth of one's situation and making informed decisions.
• 🚫 Lastly, the script concludes with a message of empowerment, suggesting that the best outcome may be to move on and become someone unexpected, which could naturally make the ex want to return.

Q & A

What is the main argument presented in the video script against the common belief about why people return after rejecting someone?

The script argues that the common belief that people return after noticing one's success or missing their good intentions is incorrect. Instead, it suggests that the real reason is rooted in the psychological effects of rejection, which stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings.

Who conducted the study mentioned in the script that explores the psychological effects of romantic rejection?

The study was conducted by Helen Fisher, who found that romantic rejection stimulates brain regions associated with desire, pleasure seeking, longing, addiction, physical discomfort, and emotional turmoil.

What was the experimental procedure used by Helen Fisher in her study on romantic rejection?

Fisher observed the brain activity of 15 young adults who had recently experienced romantic rejection but still felt deeply in love with their exes. The procedure involved the participants viewing a photograph of their ex, engaging in mathematical tasks to divert their focus, and then being presented with an image of someone they knew but had no romantic feelings for.

How does the script compare the stages of dealing with romantic rejection to those of a drug addiction?

The script draws parallels between the stages of dealing with rejection and drug addiction, including precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, and relapse, suggesting that the person who was rejected becomes like a 'drug' that the rejector craves.

What is the 'no contact rule' mentioned in the script, and why is it often considered ineffective?

The 'no contact rule' is a strategy where one cuts off all contact with an ex, hoping that the absence will make the ex miss them. However, the script suggests it is often ineffective because it oversimplifies the complexity of human emotions and does not guarantee that the person will crave the return of their ex.

What percentage of people in the poll mentioned in the script said that their ex never reached out to them during the no contact period?

According to the poll, 64% of the respondents said that their ex never reached out to them at all during the no contact period.

What does the script suggest is the key factor in whether a person will return after rejecting someone?

The script suggests that the key factor is whether the rejector craves the person they rejected. This craving is linked to the emotional and psychological attachment that the rejector has to the person, which can be influenced by various factors, including the environment and the nature of their relationship.

What coaching approach did the speaker and his wife take with their clients, and what was the success rate?

The speaker and his wife provided almost around-the-clock care, answering questions, and guiding their clients through the process of potentially getting back with their exes. Out of 10 clients, 7 ended up reuniting with their exes.

How does the script describe the typical dynamic between an anxious attachment style and a dismissive avoidant attachment style in a breakup scenario?

The script describes a cycle where the avoidant ex breaks up with the anxious client, causing the anxious client to desperately try to get the avoidant back, which in turn leads the avoidant to further entrench their decision to leave, creating a situation that is not conducive to the avoidant craving the anxious client.

What does the script suggest as the right questions to ask oneself when considering whether to pursue getting back with an ex?

The script suggests asking why you want the person back and whether they are worth getting back. These questions are meant to help individuals understand their motivations and evaluate the reality of their relationship with the person who rejected them.

What is the speaker's personal stance on helping people get their exes back, and why?

The speaker expresses a personal struggle with helping people get their exes back because he feels it may prolong their suffering and does not necessarily solve the underlying issues in their relationships. He prefers to help people gain clarity and strength to move on if that is what is best for them.