Handsome Men's Game — You Will Be Lonely

Summary

This video explores the unexpected challenges faced by handsome men in dating, dispelling the myth that attractiveness guarantees success. The speaker, once unattractive, now a dating expert, reveals the 'first mover disadvantage' where early success can stifle the development of dating skills. He discusses societal expectations, cognitive dissonance, and the 'reverse halo effect,' which can lead to handsome men being unfairly judged as unapproachable or unfaithful. The video encourages handsome men to develop genuine connection skills beyond their looks to enhance their dating experiences.

Takeaways

• 😎 Being handsome can make life easier but also comes with its own set of challenges in dating and social interactions.
• 🤔 The 'first mover disadvantage' suggests that those who are attractive early in life might not develop the skills needed for dating, as they rely on their looks.
• 🙍‍♂️ The speaker's personal experience of delayed puberty led to a lack of early dating success, which fueled a drive to learn and improve dating skills.
• 💔 Many handsome men end up in unsatisfying relationships, possibly due to a lack of developed dating skills and settling for less.
• 🔥 The importance of having a 'hunger' for improvement and not settling for mediocrity in relationships is emphasized.
• 🤯 High societal expectations can create cognitive dissonance for handsome men when their dating success does not meet these expectations.
• 🚫 The 'reverse halo effect' can lead to assumptions that handsome men are more likely to be unfaithful, creating barriers in forming connections.
• 😣 Good looks can sometimes be a barrier rather than an advantage, as they might lead others to perceive the individual as arrogant or shallow.
• 😅 Society often overlooks the insecurities and social anxieties that handsome men might face, expecting them to be naturally confident and socially adept.
• 🚶‍♂️ Handsome men are expected to have 'great game' in dating, which can create a double standard where effort is seen as desperate.
• 🤝 The balance of showing interest without appearing too eager and being charming without trying too hard is a nuanced skill that handsome men need to master.

Q & A

What are some of the hidden struggles that handsome men face in dating according to the video?

Handsome men often end up in mediocre relationships with average or unattractive women due to a lack of dating skills and may struggle with societal expectations and stereotypes, which can create cognitive dissonance and pressure to perform in dating.

What is the 'first mover disadvantage' mentioned in the script?

The 'first mover disadvantage' refers to the situation where individuals who enjoy early success, such as handsome men in high school and college, may not develop further skills or strategies in dating, leading to complacency and potentially settling for less satisfying relationships later in life.

What biological delay did the speaker experience that affected his dating life?

The speaker experienced a delayed puberty that postponed his development by about six years, resulting in him having zero testosterone and looking young and feminine, which affected his social status and dating life during his youth.

How did the speaker's lack of early dating success influence his approach to learning dating skills?

The speaker's lack of early success in dating fueled his hunger to learn and improve his dating skills, leading him to discover that dating is a skill that can be learned rather than just a genetic talent.

What is cognitive dissonance and how does it affect handsome men's dating struggles?

Cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort experienced when holding contradictory beliefs. For handsome men, it occurs when societal expectations of effortless dating success clash with their actual dating experiences, leading to self-doubt and pressure.

What is the 'reverse halo effect' and how might it impact the perception of handsome men?

The 'reverse halo effect' is a phenomenon where people with positive attributes, like good looks, are more likely to be accused of negative behaviors, such as adultery. This can lead to women perceiving handsome men as unapproachable, disloyal, arrogant, or shallow.

Why might handsome men feel the need to constantly prove they are not arrogant or disloyal?

Handsome men might feel the need to constantly prove these negative traits are not true due to societal stereotypes and expectations, which can be exhausting and hinder the development of genuine connections.

What challenges do handsome men face in terms of societal expectations regarding confidence and social skills?

Society often expects handsome men to be naturally confident and socially adept, overlooking the possibility that they may struggle with insecurities and social anxiety just like anyone else. This can lead to a lack of empathy or understanding from others.

How does the expectation that handsome men should 'just get it' in dating affect their approach to learning dating skills?

The expectation that handsome men should naturally be good at dating can create a double standard where their efforts to improve are seen as desperate or suspicious, making it difficult for them to navigate the delicate balance needed in dating.

What advice does the speaker offer to handsome men who are not satisfied with their dating life?

The speaker suggests that handsome men who are not satisfied with their dating life should consider adding dating skills to their good looks to become the 'full package,' and offers to discuss this further through personal or group coaching.

What is the role of 'cutting out low hanging fruit' in the speaker's advice for handsome men?

Cutting out low hanging fruit refers to avoiding settling for less satisfying relationships or easy wins in dating. The speaker encourages handsome men to find a greater 'why' to motivate them to step out of their comfort zone and pursue more meaningful connections.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 The Hidden Struggles of Handsome Men

This paragraph discusses the misconception that good looks automatically lead to a successful dating life. It highlights the 'first mover disadvantage' where handsome men who were popular early in life may not develop the skills needed for dating, leading to mediocre relationships later on. The speaker shares personal experiences of delayed puberty and the lack of a 'pretty boy advantage' during his youth, which motivated him to learn dating skills. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of not settling and developing a strong motivation to improve dating skills, as good looks alone are not enough for success in relationships.

05:03

😣 Societal Expectations and the Dating Struggles of Handsome Men

The second paragraph delves into the societal pressures and expectations faced by handsome men in the dating world. It introduces the concept of cognitive dissonance, where the gap between societal expectations and personal reality can lead to self-doubt and added pressure. The 'reverse halo effect' is mentioned, where handsome men are unfairly stereotyped as likely to be unfaithful or arrogant. The paragraph also touches on the challenges of overcoming these stereotypes and the exhaustion that comes with constantly proving oneself. It concludes by pointing out the double standard that handsome men face when trying to improve their dating skills, as their efforts can be misinterpreted as desperation.

Keywords

💡Handsome

In the context of the video, 'handsome' refers to physical attractiveness in men, which is often perceived as an advantage in social and dating scenarios. However, the video challenges this notion by discussing the unexpected difficulties handsome men face, such as societal expectations and the pressure to live up to a certain standard. The speaker uses his own experience to illustrate how being handsome can sometimes lead to complacency and a lack of motivation to develop deeper social skills.

💡First Mover Disadvantage

The term 'first mover disadvantage' is used to describe the potential negative effects of early success, which can lead to complacency and a lack of motivation to improve. In the video, it is applied to handsome men who might have enjoyed an easy dating life in their youth but later struggle to maintain or improve their relationships due to a lack of developed skills and the complacency that comes from early success.

💡Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is a psychological concept that describes the discomfort experienced when holding two or more contradictory beliefs. In the video, it is used to explain the internal conflict handsome men might feel when societal expectations of them being successful in dating do not align with their actual experiences. This can lead to self-doubt and a belief that they are the problem, rather than recognizing that dating success involves more than just physical attractiveness.

💡Reverse Halo Effect

The 'reverse halo effect' is a term that suggests that people might unfairly judge someone based on their appearance. In the video, it is used to describe how handsome men are often assumed to be unapproachable, disloyal, arrogant, or shallow, which can create barriers in forming genuine connections. This stereotype can lead to women being hesitant to approach them or to misinterpret their intentions.

💡Insecurity

Insecurity in the video is discussed in relation to handsome men who might struggle with self-esteem and social anxiety, despite their physical attractiveness. The speaker points out that society often overlooks these issues in handsome men, expecting them to be naturally confident and socially adept. This can lead to a lack of empathy or understanding from others, further complicating their dating experiences.

💡Social Skills

Social skills are highlighted in the video as crucial components of successful dating, beyond just physical attractiveness. The speaker emphasizes that being good-looking does not automatically equate to having good social skills, which are necessary for forming genuine connections and maintaining relationships. The video suggests that handsome men might need to work on these skills to improve their dating experiences.

💡Expectations

Expectations play a significant role in the video, particularly in how society expects handsome men to effortlessly succeed in dating. This expectation can create pressure and a sense of entitlement, leading to disappointment when reality does not meet these expectations. The video argues that handsome men are often unfairly burdened with the assumption that they should naturally excel in dating.

💡Performance

The term 'performance' is used in the video to describe how handsome men might feel the need to constantly prove themselves in dating scenarios. This can make dating feel like a scripted act rather than a genuine interaction. The pressure to perform can detract from the authenticity of connections and potentially hinder the development of meaningful relationships.

💡Double Standard

The 'double standard' mentioned in the video refers to the unfair treatment or expectations applied to handsome men compared to others. For example, when handsome men put effort into dating, they might be seen as desperate or suspicious, whereas others might be seen as making an effort. This double standard can make it difficult for handsome men to navigate the dating world without being misinterpreted.

💡Settling

In the context of the video, 'settling' refers to the act of accepting a relationship that is less than ideal, often out of convenience or a lack of better options. The speaker discusses how handsome men might settle for mediocre relationships due to societal pressures or a lack of motivation to seek out more fulfilling connections. This can lead to dissatisfaction and a sense of complacency in their dating lives.

💡Comfort Zone

The concept of stepping 'out of your comfort zone' is emphasized in the video as a necessary step for personal growth and improvement in dating skills. The speaker suggests that handsome men, in particular, might need to challenge themselves to overcome the complacency that can come from early success and societal expectations. By stepping out of their comfort zones, they can develop the skills and confidence needed to form more meaningful relationships.

Highlights

Being good-looking can make life easier, but it also brings its own set of problems.

Handsome men often end up in mediocre relationships with average or unattractive women.

The 'first mover disadvantage' suggests that those who are attractive early in life may not develop the skills needed for dating.

The speaker experienced a delayed puberty, which affected his early dating life.

Learning that dating is a skill rather than a genetic talent was a turning point for the speaker.

Handsome men may settle for less satisfying relationships due to early success in dating.

The speaker found his dream girl, unlike many of his handsome friends who settled or broke up.

Good looks can lead to a lack of motivation to improve dating skills.

Cognitive dissonance can affect handsome men, creating a gap between societal expectations and personal reality.

High expectations can lead to added pressure and a feeling of needing to live up to an impossible standard.

The 'reverse halo effect' suggests that handsome men are more likely to be accused of adultery.

Handsome men may be perceived as unapproachable, disloyal, arrogant, or shallow.

Society often overlooks the insecurities and social anxieties that handsome men might face.

Handsome men are expected to have great 'game' and may be disrespected if they appear to try too hard.

Navigating the delicate balance of showing interest without appearing too eager is a challenge for handsome men.

Good looks can open doors, but they also come with expectations and pressures that can make dating difficult.

The speaker offers to help handsome men improve their dating life by combining skills with good looks.

Transcripts

most people agree that being

good-looking makes life easier and for

the most part it does but being handsome

comes with its own set of problems and

in this video we will discuss what can

go wrong for handsome men and what you

can do to counter these issues I have

noticed with many of my clients in my

personal and group coachings that they

have hidden struggles when it comes to

dating many handsome men end up in

mediocre relationships with average or

even unattractive women and if you don't

consider yourself handsome and you are

watching this maybe it might give you a

reality check especially if you're one

of those guys that writes frustrated

comments blaming everything on looks

there is something in life called the

first mover disadvantage guys who enjoy

good looks in their high school and

college days often enjoy a popular

social status and an easy dating life an

advantage when I was young I enjoyed 0%

pretty boy Advantage I had a rare

biological delay that postponed my

puberty by about 6 years look at these

girls the left girl

that is actually me at age 18 it's hard

to imagine right now but for much of my

youth I had zero testosterone running

through my veins in fact I was often

addressed as girl because I looked so

young and so feminine I kept looking

like this until the age of 19 20

obviously a virgin never even came close

to kissing a girl so when I was 24 and I

discovered that dating is a skill that

you can learn rather than just a genetic

talent I was psyched I was an annoying

friend who just couldn't shut up about

that thing he just discovered but my

handsome friends who already had some

success in dating they just didn't seem

to care their results were far from

amazing but at least they had some

results they didn't have this gaping

hole in their heart because they've had

their fair share of kisses sex and

girlfriends now I'm not trying to start

a pity party the point I'm trying to

make here is that many of those friends

and many guys in general end up paying a

huge price for having some result early

results rob you of The Hunger that was

building up inside of me for years when

I was learning how to approach girls

during the daytime they stayed home

comfortable because you know they'd

sleep with a girl every once in a while

when I was experimenting in an open

relationship I noticed that many of my

friends had settled for relationships

that they didn't find very satisfying

and when I finally found my dream girl

many of them were either broken up again

or they had settled again for some girl

that gave them attention and some of

them even got married to a girl that for

them was just an okay rather than a hell

yeah now I'll be honest I feel that I'm

still learning a lot about dating and

relationships maybe that sounds weird to

hear from an expert but I want to keep

it real with you ultimately I really am

grateful that I wasn't appealing to

girls until a later age because this

suffering pushed me to take matters into

my own hands and I hope to inspire that

same hunger inside of you don't allow

yourself to settle cut out low hanging

fruit and find ways to inspire a greater

why because you'll need that strong

motivator to repeatedly step out of your

comfort zone and out of your comfort

zone that's where you learn to get good

with women now before we move to the

biggest issues that handsome men face in

dating I do have an opener that works

particularly well for handsome men

there's a free download to it in my

video description try it out cognitive

dissonance this is a psychological term

that describes the mental discomfort

that we go through when we hold two or

more contradictory beliefs and for

handsome man cognitive dissonance plays

a big role in their dating struggles

here's how it works people expect more

from you Society has this stereotype

that if you're handsome you should have

no trouble attracting a partner it's

like there's this unspoken rule that

says good-looking guys just get the girl

and you see this all the time in the

comment section of YouTube social media

or even in real life people assume that

because you are attractive dating must

be a breeze for you but here's the

kicker despite these high expectations

many hands some men actually don't have

that much success in their dating lives

and this creates a huge gap between what

you and Society expect and the reality

that you face when you're constantly

being told that you should be

effortlessly successful in dating but

you aren't it leads to self outb you

start thinking well if I still don't

have any results then it must be me who

is the problem look I'll be the first to

admit that good looks help in dating and

I've seen both sides I consider myself

as good-looking now but I've also spent

about 20 years running around as some

sort of boy girl dating isn't just about

looks it involves a lot of other factors

like personality confidence social

skills and experience and handsome men

might struggle with any number of these

areas just like anyone else but because

the cognitive dissonance that play they

might not recognize this and just blame

themselves entirely for their lack of

dating results furthermore high

expectations can lead to added pressure

handsome men might feel like the need to

live up to an almost impossible standard

this can make dating feel more like a

performance rather than creating a

genuine connection which in turn

ironically can make it even harder to

succeed let's talk about something

called the reverse halo effect there's

one crime where good-look people are

found guilty more often than others can

you guess which one it is it's adultery

yes people are more likely to think that

a handsome man would cheat one issue

handsome man might face is that women

are more likely to see you as

unapproachable disloyal arrogant or

shallow it's like your good looks put up

a wall instead of opening doors if

someone already assumes that you're

going to be disloyal or that you're too

full of yourself it can be a big hurdle

to overcome it can stop potential

connections before they even start plus

the pressure to constantly prove that

you're not these things can be

exhausting there's also the expectation

that handsome men should always be

confident and socially adapt Society

often overlooks that they can struggle

with insecurity ities and social anxiety

just like everyone else and when these

challenges are dismissed or unseen it

can lead to a lack of empathy or

understanding from others another big

challenge for handsome men in dating is

that you're supposed to just get it

people think that if you're good-look

you should automatically have great game

if you were popular throughout high

school and college then you're expected

to be a natural when it comes to dating

one of the main issues is that when

good-looking guys use the same tactics

as less genetically blessed men they

often get disrespected for it women

might think why is this stud trying so

hard like something must be wrong with

him there's this weird double standard

where if a handsome man puts in effort

it comes across as desperate or even

suspicious people expect you to be

smooth and effortless and when you're

not even just for a brief time it raises

red flags and I've heard from many

handsome men that want to improve their

dating life how frustrating this can be

for them because it feels like they have

to navigate a much narrower path they

need to show interest without appearing

too eager and be Charming without coming

off as trying too hard it's a delicate

balance that can be tough to master in

conclusion while good looks can open

many doors they also come with their own

sets of expectations and pressures that

can make dating surprisingly difficult

and if you are a handsome guy and you

are not fully satisfied with your dating

life then hop on a call with me let's

add the skills to your good looks and

turn you into the full package Link in

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