Do You Talk to Yourself? Here’s How to Harness Your Inner Voice | Ethan Kross | TED

Summary

In this talk, Ethan Cross, a researcher in emotion and self-control at the University of Michigan, explores the power of the inner voice in managing emotions. He explains how we often experience 'chatter'—negative, unproductive thoughts that hinder performance, relationships, and health. Cross introduces tools for managing this chatter, including distanced self-talk, seeking advice from others, and experiencing awe. He emphasizes the importance of effectively communicating with ourselves and using science-based strategies to enhance emotional well-being, reflecting on how far we've come from ancient practices of emotional regulation.

Takeaways

• 😀 Our inner voice is a powerful tool that allows us to reflect on our lives, plan, motivate ourselves, and make sense of challenges.
• 😀 We spend between half and one-third of our waking hours not focused on the present, often engaging in self-talk as our minds drift.
• 😀 The inner voice can help us retain information, rehearse important conversations, and manage emotions, but it can also lead to negative thought loops or 'chatter'.
• 😀 Chatter is the negative, repetitive self-talk that prevents us from making progress on problems or causes us to berate ourselves.
• 😀 Chatter negatively impacts three important aspects of life: cognition and performance, relationships, and physical health.
• 😀 To manage chatter, we don't need to silence our inner voice but learn how to harness it through science-based tools.
• 😀 One effective tool for managing chatter is 'distanced self-talk,' which involves referring to yourself in the third person or using your name to offer yourself advice.
• 😀 Distanced self-talk helps shift our perspective, making it easier to solve problems and avoid the pitfalls of being overly critical of ourselves.
• 😀 Engaging with others for support can be beneficial, but it's important to talk to people who can listen, empathize, and offer advice, not just let us vent.
• 😀 Experiencing awe, such as contemplating vast or awe-inspiring things, can shrink our sense of self and reduce the impact of chatter, leading to lower stress and better emotional regulation.
• 😀 Over time, humanity has evolved from using harmful emotional regulation techniques like trepanation and lobotomies to more effective, scientifically backed methods of managing emotions.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the speaker's discussion?

The speaker discusses the importance of our inner voice, its impact on emotions, and how we can manage it to improve our mental well-being, performance, relationships, and health.

What is the 'inner voice' and how does it function?

The inner voice is our ability to silently use language to reflect on our lives. It helps us keep information in mind, plan, rehearse, motivate ourselves, and make sense of the world.

How much time do we spend with our minds drifting away from the present?

We spend between half and one-third of our waking hours not focused on the present, during which our minds drift, often leading to self-talk or inner chatter.

What are the potential negative effects of inner chatter?

Negative inner chatter can hinder our ability to think clearly, affect our relationships by creating friction, and harm our physical health by prolonging stress responses.

How can negative inner chatter affect our relationships?

Negative chatter can lead to venting, which, while strengthening relational bonds, doesn't help resolve the problem. It may also push people away if it turns repetitive and overwhelming.

What does the speaker mean by 'distanced self-talk'?

'Distanced self-talk' involves referring to yourself by name or using the second person (e.g., 'What would you do?'), which makes it easier to give yourself wise advice, as we tend to be better at advising others than ourselves.

Can you explain the concept of 'Solomon's Paradox' mentioned by the speaker?

Solomon's Paradox refers to the tendency of people to give great advice to others but struggle to follow that advice in their own lives. It's named after King Solomon, who was known for his wisdom but failed in his personal decisions.

Why does the speaker recommend choosing specific people for support during moments of chatter?

The speaker recommends choosing people who not only listen and empathize but also help broaden your perspective. Simply venting to someone does not resolve the issue; advice and guidance are needed to work through the chatter.

How does experiencing awe help manage inner chatter?

Experiencing awe, such as when witnessing something vast and indescribable, helps 'shrink the self' and reduces the focus on personal stress, thereby quieting the inner chatter and alleviating mental and emotional strain.

What is the connection between experiencing awe and stress reduction?

Studies have shown that experiencing awe can lead to a reduction in stress and PTSD, as it shifts the focus away from the self and helps calm mental chatter, contributing to improved emotional well-being.