8 Signs You're Not "Nice", But A People Pleaser

Summary

This video explores the difference between being nice and being a people pleaser. It highlights eight signs that you may be prioritizing others' needs over your own, such as over-apologizing, struggling to say no, avoiding conflict, and seeking external validation. The video encourages viewers to recognize these behaviors and set healthier boundaries to avoid emotional burnout and foster authentic relationships. By focusing on self-care and learning to speak up for oneself, individuals can distinguish true kindness from people-pleasing tendencies.

Takeaways

• 😀 People pleasing often masks as niceness, but it can come at the expense of your happiness and well-being.
• 😀 Apologizing excessively, even when it's not your fault, is a sign of being a people pleaser rather than genuinely being nice.
• 😀 Struggling to say no to others and prioritizing their needs over your own indicates people-pleasing behavior.
• 😀 Agreeing with everyone to avoid conflict or criticism is a common trait of a people pleaser.
• 😀 Changing your personality to accommodate others and losing sight of your true self is a key sign of people pleasing.
• 😀 Avoiding conflict at all costs, even when justified, shows a preference for peace over standing up for yourself.
• 😀 Taking responsibility for other people's emotions and trying to fulfill their emotional needs can lead to emotional exhaustion.
• 😀 Constantly seeking validation from others and needing approval can prevent you from feeling content with yourself.
• 😀 Not expressing when your feelings are hurt, to avoid upsetting others, signals that you're neglecting your own needs for their comfort.
• 😀 People pleasing can create unhealthy, one-sided relationships that prevent true, authentic connections.

Q & A

What is the difference between being nice and being a people pleaser?

Being nice involves showing kindness and respect toward others, while being a people pleaser means putting others' needs ahead of your own to the detriment of your well-being, often due to fear of conflict or rejection.

Why is excessive apologizing a sign of being a people pleaser?

Excessively apologizing, especially for things outside your control, can indicate that you are taking responsibility for situations that aren't your fault. It shows an unhealthy need to please others and avoid conflict, rather than asserting your boundaries.

How can struggling to say 'no' signal that someone is a people pleaser?

If you find it difficult to say 'no' to others, even when it negatively impacts you, it suggests that you are prioritizing others' feelings over your own needs, a characteristic of a people pleaser.

What is the impact of always agreeing with everyone, even if you don't believe it?

Always agreeing with others, even when you disagree, can be a sign that you're avoiding conflict and suppressing your own beliefs to make others happy, leading to a lack of authentic expression and potential resentment.

Why do some people change themselves to fit in or please others?

Some individuals feel pressured to alter their behavior to gain approval or to fit in socially or romantically. This compromises their true identity and well-being, as they may value others' happiness over their own.

How does avoiding conflict contribute to people-pleasing behavior?

Avoiding conflict at all costs can cause you to give in to others' demands, even when you're justified in your own position. This behavior can stem from a fear of rejection or upsetting others, a hallmark of people-pleasing tendencies.

What are the dangers of taking responsibility for other people's emotions?

Taking responsibility for others' emotions can lead to emotional exhaustion and stress, as you're constantly trying to manage their feelings rather than focusing on your own. This is not only unhealthy for you but also prevents others from taking responsibility for their own emotions.

Why is seeking external validation a common trait among people pleasers?

People pleasers often rely on external validation because they struggle with internal self-worth. They seek constant approval and praise from others to feel good about themselves, which can lead to emotional instability when validation isn't received.

How can not speaking up when your feelings are hurt affect relationships?

Not speaking up when your feelings are hurt to avoid upsetting others can lead to resentment and emotional disconnect in relationships. It prevents honest communication and the development of healthy, mutually supportive connections.

What are the long-term effects of people-pleasing behavior?

Over time, people-pleasing behavior can lead to burnout, frustration, and a sense of unfulfillment. It can also create shallow, one-sided relationships and make it difficult for you to establish boundaries or prioritize your own needs.