Matthew Perry shares his incredible story of survival and why fame wasn't the answer to his problems
Summary
TLDRIn a candid and heartfelt discussion, Matthew Perry, best known for his role as Chandler Bing on the hit TV show 'Friends,' shares his journey with addiction and recovery. Perry reflects on his first experiences with alcohol at 14, the impact of fame on his personal struggles, and the realization that success did not alleviate his desire to drink. He emphasizes the importance of acknowledging addiction as a disease, the value of seeking help without maintaining secrecy, and the transformative power of helping others. Perry's narrative provides a raw and vulnerable insight into the life of a celebrity battling substance abuse, offering hope and guidance to those facing similar challenges.
Takeaways
- 🎉 Matthew Perry celebrates his first number one bestseller and shares his journey of addiction and recovery.
- 📚 The book 'Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing' is a candid account of Perry's struggles with alcohol and addiction.
- 🎬 Perry's experience on the hit show 'Friends' was complicated by his addiction, which he hid from his co-stars.
- 🚫 Perry emphasizes the importance of not keeping addiction a secret and seeking help, as isolation can exacerbate the problem.
- 🌟 Fame and success did not protect Perry from his addiction, and he highlights that achieving dreams does not necessarily alleviate the struggle with addiction.
- 📖 Writing the memoir was a therapeutic process for Perry, helping him come to terms with his past and find a sense of purpose in helping others.
- 🙏 Perry shares a powerful moment of realization that addiction is not his fault, which was a pivotal point in his recovery.
- 🎭 He discusses how his character Chandler on 'Friends' was influenced by his own sarcastic humor and the way he interacted with his friends.
- 't🤔 Perry reflects on the impact of fame on his personal life and the dehumanizing aspects of being constantly in the public eye.
- 💔 Perry expresses his frustration and feelings of unfairness regarding his struggle with addiction, despite his success and fame.
- ✍️ Through writing and sharing his story, Perry hopes to inspire and help others who may be facing similar challenges with addiction.
Q & A
What was the significance of Matthew Perry's first drink at the age of 14?
-Matthew Perry's first drink at 14 was significant because it was the first time he felt a sense of belonging and normalcy, which he later realized was an unusual reaction compared to others.
How did Matthew Perry's experience with addiction progress over the years?
-Matthew Perry's addiction progressed from an initial experimentation at a young age to a daily secret habit in his late teens and early twenties, which eventually spiraled into a more severe and life-threatening struggle with alcohol and drugs.
What was the impact of Matthew Perry's addiction on his work during the filming of 'Friends'?
-Despite his addiction, Perry maintained a rule not to drink or do drugs while working, respecting his co-stars. However, he often worked while hungover, and his addiction did affect his health and well-being.
How did Matthew Perry's mother's job influence his childhood?
-Matthew Perry's mother worked for Prime Minister Trudeau, which led to a sense of neglect as she was often in the public eye and busy. This experience contributed to Perry's desire for attention and validation.
What role did Matthew Perry's friends play in his early experiences with alcohol?
-Matthew Perry's friends, the Murray brothers, were present during his first experience with alcohol. Their different reactions to drinking highlighted Perry's unique susceptibility to addiction.
How did Matthew Perry's experience in rehab change his perspective on his addiction?
-Matthew Perry's first rehab experience made him realize that his addiction was a disease, not a moral failing or a sign of weakness. This understanding was crucial in his journey to recovery.
Why did Matthew Perry decide to write his memoir?
-Matthew Perry wrote his memoir as a means to help others who might be struggling with similar issues. He wanted to provide insight into the addict's perspective and to show that fame and success do not necessarily lead to happiness or solve one's problems.
How did Matthew Perry's relationship with his friend Craig Bierko evolve over time?
-After a period of estrangement due to professional jealousy, Craig Bierko and Matthew Perry reconciled. Perry used the experience to illustrate that fame and success do not guarantee happiness or fulfillment.
What was the turning point for Matthew Perry in recognizing his addiction as a disease?
-The turning point came when Perry read the Alcoholics Anonymous book, which helped him understand that his addiction was a mental disorder he was unaware of, and it was not a matter of willpower or weakness.
How did Matthew Perry's experience with addiction affect his ability to enjoy the success of 'Friends'?
-Despite the success of 'Friends', Perry's addiction cast a shadow over his experience. He was able to recognize that the fame and success he achieved did not fill the void he felt, leading to a deeper understanding of his condition.
What advice does Matthew Perry have for people struggling with addiction?
-Perry advises people struggling with addiction to not keep it a secret, to raise their hand and ask for help, and to consistently attend support group meetings until they find one that works for them.
Outlines
🎉 Congratulatory Remarks and Book Discussion
The speaker begins by congratulating Matthew on his first number one bestseller and warmly welcomes him. They discuss the process of writing the book, which is centered around helping people. The speaker mentions that they have heard of five people who were inspired to seek treatment after reading the book. The conversation then shifts to a lighter note, suggesting having a drink and delving into the subject of the book, which deals with Matthew's experiences with addiction. The book is described as dark, humorous, and grounded in reality. The discussion starts from the beginning, Matthew's first encounter with alcohol at 14 years old, and his distinct reaction to it compared to others, setting the stage for his subsequent struggles with addiction.
📚 Writing Experience and Impact on the Author
Matthew talks about the experience of writing his book, describing it as a cleansing and wonderful process despite the dark content. He shares the difficulty he faced when reading the book aloud for the audio version, as he found it almost impossible due to the painful memories it brought back. He emphasizes his desire to help people on a large scale and the gratitude he feels for the positive experiences in his life. The speaker also touches on the societal misconceptions about addiction, clarifying that it is not a matter of weakness but a disease. Matthew discusses the impact of his addiction on his relationships and how his past experiences have shaped his desires and reactions in various aspects of his life.
🌟 Fame, Ambitions, and the Pursuit of Acting
The paragraph delves into the speaker's journey to fame and acting. It mentions his early life, including his mother's work for Prime Minister Trudeau and his own aspirations to follow in the footsteps of Michael J. Fox. The speaker humorously recounts his interactions with the current Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, and the possibility of having been in a physical altercation with him. He also talks about his move to Los Angeles, his acting career, and his friendships with other actors. The narrative highlights the competitive yet supportive nature of the acting industry and the speaker's eventual success in landing a role in a sitcom.
🎭 Auditioning and Landing the Role of Chandler
The speaker describes the process of auditioning for and ultimately securing the role of Chandler in the popular sitcom 'Friends'. He talks about being the last actor to be cast and how he was initially tied to another show that didn't get picked up. The paragraph details the audition process, including readings for producers and the network, and the speaker's confidence in his ability to perform the role. He also discusses how he incorporated his own style of speaking into the character of Chandler, which was initially written as a sarcastic observer, and how this unique contribution helped shape the character.
🧩 Personal Struggles and Professional Life
The speaker reflects on how his personal struggles with addiction affected his professional life during the time he was on 'Friends'. He shares that he never drank or did drugs while working, out of respect for his colleagues and the impact it would have on his performance. However, he admits to working while hungover and describes the physical toll his addiction took on him. The paragraph also includes a moment of realization about the nature of his addiction after reading an Alcoholics Anonymous book and understanding the dual nature of the disease as both an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body.
🚫 Addiction, Sobriety, and the Power of Secrecy
In this paragraph, the speaker discusses the decision to stop drinking and the challenges of maintaining sobriety. He talks about the allure of alcohol and the difficulty of giving it up, even when he knew the risks. The speaker also explains the concept of addiction as a disease, emphasizing the importance of seeking help and not keeping the struggle a secret. He shares his experience of attending his first rehab and the pivotal moment when he realized that his addiction was not his fault, which was a significant turning point in his recovery.
😢 The Emotional Toll of Fame and Disease
The speaker expresses the unfairness of having to endure the disease of addiction while others did not, despite having similar opportunities and success. He talks about the emotional impact of fame, the loss of anonymity, and the dehumanizing effects of being constantly in the public eye. The speaker also discusses the double-edged sword of fame, where it can be beneficial in some ways but incredibly challenging when dealing with personal struggles. He highlights the importance of getting help and not trying to face addiction alone.
📚 Writing as Therapy and the Power of Sharing Stories
The speaker shares his experience of writing his memoir as a form of therapy and a way to help others. He talks about the process of writing on his phone and then on his iPad, and the initial resistance he felt when told more content was needed. The paragraph highlights the speaker's motivation to continue writing, driven by the belief that his story could help others facing similar struggles. He also discusses the spiritual aspect of helping others and the profound impact it has on him.
🎶 Choosing a Soundtrack and Advice for Sobriety
The speaker is asked about their favorite spots in Toronto and what kind of soundtrack they would choose for their book. They mention a song by Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush, 'Don't Give Up,' as a fitting soundtrack due to its message of perseverance. The paragraph also includes advice for people trying to become sober, emphasizing the importance of not keeping the struggle a secret and seeking help through support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous.
🌟 Legacy and How He'd Like to Be Remembered
The speaker shares how he would like to be remembered, expressing a desire to be known for living and loving well, and for being someone who sought to help others. He talks about the importance of proving that his legacy extends beyond his role in 'Friends' and how he aims to spend the rest of his life making a positive impact. The paragraph concludes with a question about whether writing the book helped him understand why he is still alive, to which he affirms that it did, providing him with a sense of purpose and direction.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Addiction
💡Friends
💡Rehab
💡Fame
💡Disease
💡Sobriety
💡Helping Others
💡Writing
💡Guilt and Shame
💡Survival
💡Memoir
Highlights
Matthew Perry, best known for his role as Chandler in the hit TV show 'Friends,' discusses his journey to sobriety and the impact of addiction on his life.
Perry shares his first experience with alcohol at the age of 14, which marked the beginning of his struggles with addiction.
He talks about how his addiction progressed from drinking every night to more severe substance abuse, despite his success as an actor.
Perry reflects on the power of fame and how it was unable to fill the void that addiction had created in his life.
He emphasizes the importance of not keeping addiction a secret and seeking help, as isolation can be detrimental to recovery.
Matthew candidly discusses his multiple stints in rehab and the realization that addiction is a disease, not a moral failing.
Perry shares how writing his memoir was a therapeutic process and a way to help others by sharing his experiences and insights.
He reveals that while he is grateful for the success of 'Friends,' he does not want it to define his legacy; instead, he wants to be remembered for helping others.
Matthew discloses the dark side of fame, including the loss of privacy and the constant scrutiny that can exacerbate personal struggles.
Perry talks about the role of his upbringing and early experiences with medication on his later addiction issues.
He shares stories of camaraderie and competition with fellow actors, including a humorous anecdote about a potential fight with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.
Matthew discusses the influence of Michael J. Fox on his career aspirations and the pressure of living up to the success of 'Back to the Future'.
Perry reflects on the importance of honesty and vulnerability in writing his memoir, as a means to connect with and support others facing similar challenges.
He highlights the significance of the support system and the role it plays in the recovery process, urging those struggling with addiction to reach out.
Matthew shares his experience of being on life support and the profound existential questions that arose from his near-death experience.
Perry expresses his hope that his story can inspire others to confront their addiction and seek the help they need to recover.
Transcripts
um I want to congratulate Matthew off
the top for having his first number one
bestseller
[Applause]
and I just wanted to say what a warm
welcome to a fellow Canadian
very nice to be back here it's lovely to
have you I've been looking forward to
this and congratulations on the book I
really enjoyed thank you very much how's
the process been of just talking about
it it's been you know what it's all
about is helping people and I've heard
already five stories of people that read
the book and checked into treatment
well I thought what we could do is kind
of start from the beginning
um the uh have a drink should we just
have a drink yeah why not yeah no yeah
yeah good idea
um the book is called friends and uh
friends lovers and the big terrible
thing and the big terrible thing is of
course your struggles with addiction
over the years that you talk about in
this book
um it's a it's a dark book it's a real
book it's a very funny book but again
um there's there's reality there and
there's Darkness there and I want to
start kind of where all that began which
is the first time you had a drink you
write about yeah you were 14 in the
backyard somewhere in Ontario right
Ottawa you were with a couple of buddies
what do you remember from that night uh
well I mean I mean that was pretty heavy
I was with uh my best friends of the
Murray brothers and uh we decided we
didn't know what we were doing you know
and uh they got some beers and I got a
bottle of wine called anwar's baby duck
is the name of it and I drank the entire
bottle
and lay in the ground and looked at the
skies and just felt better than I ever
had in my entire life and I thought to
myself this is probably what normal
people feel like all the time
well who are normal people you no
um
you know peop people who just walk the
face of the Earth people and I finally
felt at home for the very first time as
soon as I drank alcohol I just I just
loved it and I had a much different
reaction than the murders did and I had
a much different reaction than normal
people have normal people
have a drink and I feel a little you
know woozy and then they you know go
home and go to work I have a drink and
for the first time in three weeks the
life life seems to make sense
and why would you not want to drink if
that happened to you all the time you
know so you realized in that moment that
other people seem to be responding to
booze this way and I'm responding in a
different way yes but I didn't
understand it at all because I was 14
years old and I didn't I didn't know it
was happening to me
um I just knew I had some issue with
this thing and it's a progressive
disease so it gets worse and worse as
you get older so I didn't you'd think I
would have a drink the very next night
but I didn't and then you know as I was
like 18 19 20 then it really started to
kick in I was drinking every night it
was a secret I would drink with my pals
I would race to a liquor store at
quarter to two so I could have alcohol
at my house and drink more than I did
with my friends and
um it just became this roller coaster to
ride that I didn't understand but even
at the beginning Matthew you talk about
how like even when you were a little
baby
there were you still had an experience
with pills uh it's tough because I don't
I'm going to tell you a story and I
don't blame my parents at all for this
and you'll see why but I was a colicky
kid and I used to cry all the time and I
was constantly crying and my parents
took me to a doctor and he was an older
doctor and he wore a white coat and he
said if your baby's crying just give him
this and they said okay and it was
phenobarbital
which is a major barbiturate and a very
addictive thing and I was 30 days old
and they gave it to me for 30 days so
from 30 to 60 and there's pictures of me
looking like knocked out like my face
was all squinched I was like and they
would laugh because you know Stone
babies are fun I guess but I know that
it affected my sleep for ever I don't
really sleep that well and I'm pretty
sure it's because of that but if I was a
parent and it was
1970 and I was given this by a doctor
and the baby stopped crying I would do
it too but you know now it's like well
you [ __ ] crazy and what do you what
do you feel when you start disclosing
that kind of thing in the book like that
that like what occurred to you when you
heard that story about when you were a
baby
um it was an interesting thing writing
the book
was pretty easy writing the book it was
like cleansing it was like a wonderful
experience I just wrote all these
terrible things I got them down on the
page and
um but reading it
was almost impossible it was like I
disassociated a little bit and I looked
at this book which I had to read Because
I had to do the audio the next day you
had to do it out loud and I had to do it
out loud yeah
um but I looked at the book and I was
just like this guy has had like the most
torturous life I can't believe it and
then I realized it was mean that I was
talking about and you know it was I I
literally had to sleep in a different
room I was working on a laptop and I I
moved the laptop into my living room so
I could sleep that night because it was
so powerfully dark and for so long I
didn't know what was going on I do now
um and that's why the best thing about
me is I can
[Music]
um
help people if they asked me to
um yeah I can
wonderful things happen in my life I'm
incredibly grateful for all of them but
that's the ticket for me is helping
people on a large scale or helping you
know one guy and seeing the light turn
on and him understanding what is
happening because that's the problem you
don't know what's happening you can't
share with anybody because something's
wrong and they might make you stop which
you don't want to do yeah you know a
friend of mine said
you know if the if you're drinking and
like the police came to your door and
said if you drink tonight we're going to
take you to jail yeah you'd start
packing for jail because you have to you
have to drink you can't not drink yeah
you know and the other thing man is I
didn't want this and I didn't I didn't
want to have this problem you know no
and it's so cunning baffling and
Powerful alcoholism and addiction and
you know a lot of people say because the
reason this book has done so well and
been taken into the hearts of so many
people is because everybody's starting
to know or have
Addiction in their life people have the
brother or a sister or grandfather or a
close friend who has Addiction in their
life and they need to know from the
addict's point of view
in this case me
how horrible it is and how they're not
weak we're not weak I'm a pretty strong
resilient guy but it has nothing to do
with weakness it's a disease that we
have and we don't know that we have it
and if somebody says just stop you know
you want to punch him in the face
because they don't know you know Nancy
Reagan had this Nancy Nancy Reagan had
this slogan that said just say no just
say no yeah and you're like well idiot
if I could just say no I wouldn't have
to go to 9 000 AAA meetings I'd just be
at home saying no all the time the
um that I mean that comes up pretty
early on in the book and it's an
interesting thing to read the book as a
Canadian because I think that we get
some context from it that perhaps
American audiences wouldn't necessarily
get like you very early on in the book
talk about that your mom your mom worked
for the Prime Minister that Mom worked
for prime minister Trudeau and that you
say that like he was the most
charismatic man had stolen your mother
from you in the daytime
well she she was you know Alex and Jenny
In The West Wing you know that's what my
mother was for uh Pierre Trudeau and she
was beginning to become a little bit of
a celebrity herself being seen with him
a lot you know and I always have this
image of this big Ballroom like this
room like this this big ballroom and my
mother walking in and taking all sort of
the glory because she was beautiful and
people just knew her and and I was like
five feet behind her and all I wanted
was for her to turn around and you know
focus on me and like be with be with me
you took me and
it's I I want I want I want your company
I want you to help help me I'm a kid you
know and uh she never really did that
and what I realized
as an older guy is that I've I still do
that a little bit what do you mean it's
the it's the it's and this is all part
of addiction and all that stuff but
I still want the unavailable the person
who's not turning around I still like
want that person to turn around and
notice me and
that forms as a guy who doesn't drink or
do drugs that's some that's like a
little bit of a drug for me when a girl
goes I don't want you oh no I do want
you
um
you know it's a little bit of a drug for
me because all I wanted was for her to
turn around or mention me on the news
yeah whatever yeah and she you know
she didn't do anything wrong she didn't
she was just doing a job but that's
something that you know from a young age
it hurt me and then there's this other
Canadian I mean there's also the the
Justin Trudeau part of the book where I
really got a kick out of which is that
you grew up with the Prime Minister
currently yeah
anyway
you may have beat him up yeah it's I
don't know it's still unclear whether
you beat him up or not the Murray
brothers that I spoke about earlier
remember those cuts yeah yeah I would
like them to stand up are they here yeah
Brian Chris
come on you have to stand up stand up
stand up for a second one more time one
more time give him a round of applause
okay so that's here's the deal with them
those guys are my best friends since
third grade
and they and I started talking in this
kind of interesting way
maybe you're familiar with it
but we would say to each other could
that could that teacher be any meaner
could I have more of an attention
and I took that way of speaking
and made like a hundred million dollars
off
[Applause]
these two very very nice guys
they did not do that
but they're nice about it you know I
mean you expect somebody to be kind of
mean about that but they're just great
and I love you guys and
um you know the Murray Brothers also
were there when I first drank so you
know [ __ ] you
[Laughter]
potentially potentially beat up the
Prime Minister that's their story is
that is that I beat up
uh prime minister truth
and you know it's possible and uh it
became a Twitter thing where he I said
it on Twitter I guess and he responded
yes and wouldn't you want to punch
Chandler in the face
and I think we should have another
battle is what he said and I immediately
wrote back you have your own Army
you win good luck in all your endeavors
stop writing to me run your country so
I'm not sure if it happened another
Canadian who means a lot to you in more
of like um
and more of like a path that you sort of
started to follow and something you
started to Aspire to was was Michael J
fox right he he
he was not just in he was not just like
an actor you liked but he sort of
represented something you wanted to
Aspire to yeah Michael J fox and I was
young I'd done a couple of plays in
school and Michael J fox was it man at
the when I was in ninth grade Michael J
fox had just done Back to the Future and
like there was smoke coming out of my
ears I was so jealous of this guy right
and he had at the time the number one TV
show and the number one movie at the
same time
so he was huge and I don't know anybody
else who's done that except me
[Laughter]
[Applause]
you had you had that with the whole nine
yards
out and Friends of course and
they were number one at the same time so
I thought that was pretty cool and maybe
only Canadians get to do that yeah they
choose one Canadian every 30 years
that's right yeah the next one is being
born right now yeah I wish I was there
for that yeah me too
um
um so we'll we'll get to friends in in a
second but before you get the role in
friends you move to Los Angeles yeah uh
you go to school you act in school and
plays and next thing you know you have
an aptitude for acting you start to get
this attention for being an actor you
shoot a movie with River Phoenix you're
shooting a sitcom with Valerie
Bertinelli uh you're hanging out with
this new kind of crew of of buddies yeah
Hank Azaria is is one of them you know
he is guy on Simpsons yeah yeah yeah and
uh who are the other guys who are they
uh David Pressman was a friend of mine
I'll talk about him in a bit uh and
Craig bierco yeah who uh was the
funniest guy and I you know I thought
that I was the funniest guy and I was
just like a little second behind Craig
pierco and he was a little better
looking than me and we all loved him but
hated him because he would get all these
jobs and stuff
um do you want me to tell him that story
now I was I mean whatever you tell
whatever you want go ahead yeah I can
speak freely oh yeah you know the prime
minister is not here okay so you can do
it everywhere that's fine I don't know
you may know this story do you know the
story about Craig bierko
some no you don't okay so the a pilot
season in Los Angeles is a very
important time for actors where they do
all the new shows so you get hired to be
in a new show and if they like it it
gets on the air but you have to do a
pilot first so my business manager
called me and said you have no money
and I said how about a little warning
what what's going on and so I called my
manager and I said I need money you got
to give me a job right away and the job
that they got me was called LAX 2194
and it was about baggage handlers
in the year 2194. did you hear the
Applause someone tried to applaud yeah
I've seen that yeah yeah
and I wore a futuristic shirt and there
were little people wearing wigs and they
were the people in the futuristic people
whatever it was awful but they paid they
paid me the money that I needed to drink
more and eat more and all that stuff so
then a script called friends like us
started to
started to make its way around the
people and
I saw a character in it that was me and
we all know which character that was and
uh I was like I am this guy I am
Chandler you got to get me in to
audition because I'll get it because he
talks exactly like I do and they said we
can't send you in you're attached to the
baggage handler show
and I kept trying kept trying and a
couple of my friends said you're so much
like this guy can I read this with you
and can you show me how to do it
and I did show them how to do it and I
was like don't don't hit that word hit
that word and you'll get it and they got
really close to getting the part based
on that so I was I was just miserable I
knew the show wasn't going to get picked
up I'm reading friends like us it's so
good it's character driven Courtney Cox
is already in it it's like Jim Bros is
directing it it's got all this stuff so
Craig bierko
calls Hank Azaria and I and says can you
please come to meet me at this
restaurant at 10 o'clock in the morning
I've just been offered two shows and I
need your help
to decide which and my first inkling was
[ __ ] you
I don't want to see your success and
vote on it
so
so Hank and I both showed up he had two
scripts in his hand friends like us
and a show called best friends that was
the other show both directed by Jim
Burrows the best director in town and we
read through both scripts and you know
I wanted to
but I'm not a jerk so I said you know
you have to do friends like us and so
did Hank
and then we went our separate ways and
Hank went to the gym because he was
always going to the gym and we Craig and
I went to uh Trader Vic's which uh Fred
Siegel which is a clothing store and
this is back when people were using pay
phones
1994 nobody had a phone
so he picked up the pup the the phone
the pay phone and called his agent with
me two feet away from him and took the
other show
and I said see ya
and I raced home and I was like the
part's still available they don't have
anybody it starts Monday please please
get me in I'll know I'll get it and uh
somebody finally saw the baggage handler
show
and it was not going to get picked up
mostly because it was about baggage
handles
so I was what's called a safe second
which means their Show's not going to
get picked up so we'll hire them for our
show and my manager called me and said I
got very good news for you you you're
reading for Marta Kaufman the executive
producer of friends tomorrow morning and
I was like oh my God I knew my life was
going to change
and I went in there on a Wednesday and I
read for Marta Kaufman and David Crane
and Kevin bright then on Thursday I read
for the producers and then on Friday I
read for the network which was the final
thing there's like 45 people in the room
and there were some other people reading
for Chandler but I knew this was my job
and I and I did it and I did it in my
way and I and I got it and then we
started on Monday that's how fast it all
was and I was the last actor hired in
1994.
the final one and then we started on
Monday and you know the rest is history
[Applause]
foreign
how much of you when you say that
character you said when I when I that
character came up it was me it was
already me but then you I mean as you
referenced earlier you bring your style
of speaking from you and your friends
like what do you bring of yourself to
that character
I mean it really was
what Chandler was originally was
supposed to be an obser a sarcastic
Observer of everybody else's lives
that's what it said in the breakdown so
basically Chandler like had the final
laugh line after a scene and all I
brought to it was the way that the
Murrays and I spoke that was the
different way and I had done four shows
before that and tried to do it and they
were like talk like a normal person
I
think this might be funny you might want
to try it
and
um
you know I brought to it
you know there was a line like I don't
somebody said something about
genitalia
being in somebody's house or something
and the line was well I don't want that
guy in my refrigerator
near my refrigerator and I said well I
don't want that guy near my refrigerator
and they were like whoa what's that keep
going why did you say that why'd you say
it that way
and uh so that was sort of where
Chandler was born
and then he had to wear a lot of sweater
vests yeah there was a lot of sweater
vests a lot of ska fashion back then you
know what I mean like you're like a bass
player in a Ska band you know like big
listen say something else I don't know
what that is
hold on bass player and skobin
and have a pen
it's the CBC we can't quite afford that
um
Trudeau so here's the thing
um
I tried to help you
how did Chandler change as the person
playing with him starts to struggle with
addiction more and more during the
he didn't change what was changing was
me
I had a rule that I would never drink or
do drugs while working because I had too
much respect for the five people that I
was working
with so I was never wasted when I was
working also it would totally turn off
the timing and it would it would it
would just be awful but I did work
extremely hungover and you know at one
point I was shaking so much that if I
was going to cross if I was going to go
from the bookshelf to the table I'd have
to kind of quickly do it and put my hand
on the table so I wouldn't shake and you
know it got it got that bad
um
but Chandler never changed the writing
never changed it was my ability to pull
off
this addiction that I didn't understand
um years later I was in a treatment
center in a detox Ward and I was coming
off of many many many drugs and I picked
up the Alcoholics Anonymous book for the
first time in my life and I read
drinkers think they're drinking to
escape but what they're really doing is
trying to get over a disease they don't
know they have
it's actually they say they're trying to
get over a mental disorder they don't
know they have and I went
that's me I can't believe it this book
was written in 1939 and it's about me
it's about the guy who drove to the
liquor store according to two so he
could drink alone it's about all these
habits about why my reaction was
different than the Murrays when we drank
that day when I was 14 we were all 14.
um it separated me from the normal man
so it was a great day
on the one hand
but on the other hand it meant one day
at a time I have to stop drinking
forever and I thought well this is the
only way I've ever enjoyed anything in
the 20th century
and I have to give it up or you know
it's going to kill me so I I gave it up
for a long period of time and
we'll talk about this I'm sure but
you know the insanity of having another
drink a couple years later and starting
this whole thing all over again
was insane I was insane I am insane but
interestingly enough only in this area
like I'm a pretty logical fellow in
every area but this one yeah and I know
logistically exactly what's going to
happen and I still do it
um
and I couldn't understand that and just
a brief
lesson in alcoholism for you guys that
don't know and addiction of course
um
it's a disease that's the first thing I
didn't know in 1956 I think the American
Medical Association said it was a
disease and
um it's a two-prong disease two things
happen to me and 10 million other people
in the United States
if it's an obsession of your mind
so what that means is you think of a
martini and then slowly but surely it's
the only thing you can think about you
can't think about anything else I got to
get a martini I know I'm supposed to be
over here working but I got to get
another Martini out of the martini
Martini martini
and then once you take that Martini you
break the
um membrane of
sobriety and once you do that
the obsession the obsession is gone but
the allergy of your body which is the
second part of the disease takes over
and says oh now we're drinking
I'm going to make you drink as much as
you did last time and more it's
Progressive so I'm gonna make you drink
more than you did last time and you
can't stop I could not stop unless I was
locked away somewhere and at times I
would call drug dealers and have drugs
brought in to the place I was locked up
in because I was desperate and begging
for drugs because the only way I had to
feel better
and I did not I mean it makes you forget
too it's counting baffling and Powerful
so that thing that I read in the book
you know alcoholism
you know didn't care about that and
alcoholism did not care that I was on
friends and alcohol just did not care
about any of that [ __ ] they just
alcoholism wants you alone it wants you
sick and then it wants to kill you
in the book I I say I compared to the
Joker
because the Joker just wants to see the
whole world burn
and so does alcoholism and addiction
and it took over Decades of my life and
I pray to you if you worry that you're
having this problem or you know somebody
that is raise your hand find somebody
who's smarter than you about this and
talk to them and be honest about it
because the secrets are what kill us
as soon as I
I mean he was pulled out of me by
somebody the first time I admitted it
but I was taking 55 bike in a day
I weighed 128 pounds
I was on Friends getting watched by 30
million people and that's why I can't
watch the show because I was like
brutally thin
and
um
being beaten down so badly by the
disease so I went to Hazelden I went to
my first rehab I didn't really learn
anything I kind of just imitated Michael
Keaton the whole time so I was like what
do I have a problem with them
alcohol
um
and I and I was placed in some kind of
spiritual guys office and we talked a
little bit and as we were done talking
he turned around he I he turned me
around and said just remember it's not
your fault
and I went what
he said it's not your fault and I would
say that again
it's not your fault and I said what do
you mean it's not my fault I'm the one
who's doing it what do you mean and he
explained
addiction and alcohol to me and he saved
my life
because I then knew that it wasn't my
fault that it was that I wasn't weaker
it wasn't my will that was screwed up it
was that I have this disease and I need
to get help and
you know the thing that always makes me
cry and I hope I hope I don't cry here
is that it's not there it's not it's not
fair
it's not fair it's not fair that I had
to go through that I had to go through
this disease while the other five didn't
they got everything that I got
but I I had to fight this thing and
still have to fight this thing
so just to end this on a good note there
are people that will help you and get
their help it doesn't go away
it never goes away
[Applause]
I love you too
I think I think it helps us not to know
each other
you you all but you you also in the book
talk about
how you thought that so there's a scene
in the book where you pray to God and I
want to talk about the two times you
pray to God in the book but I want to
talk about the first time okay the first
time you say something like
like if you make me famous what is it
so I was in my apartment and I read an
article about uh somebody famous and he
was in trouble for doing something and I
want I said to myself I was all alone I
said to myself what does he care he's
famous he doesn't care about this little
thing he's famous the answer to
everything is being famous and then for
the first time in my life I knelt down
and prayed
and that prayer
was
please God make me famous you can do
anything you want to me just make me
famous
three weeks later I got friends
and God did not forget about the second
one but what sticks out to me about that
is that it is just that there's a couple
of moments in the book where you go
I really thought that being famous I
thought that having the number one TV
show I I had everything I'd always
wanted and it wasn't Matthew it wasn't
able to fill the holes I think that was
a that was a powerful realization for
you yeah I mean I I had the American
dream happened to me I got the great job
I was good at it I had a I bought a
house I the house had a pool and you
know I was at the American dream and I
really really liked it
loved it for about six months and then I
walked in my house and went oh man
this is not fixing
this problem that I have how is that
possible
and I wanted to finish the Craig bierco
story because it was really pivotal and
it it was important
um so Craig bierko after he didn't get
friends and friends was on for two years
and was a massive hit Craig didn't speak
to me for those two years
I would call him he wouldn't return
my calls and he just didn't want to be
my friend anymore
um so two years into it he called me up
on the phone and said can we meet I'd
like to talk with you I said of course
yes great
um so he came over to my apartment and
he said
I'm sorry that I have not called you in
two years I could not handle
that you got rich and famous on a show
that I turned down we were both good
enough to get that role and I said of
course we were but let me tell you
something pal
it doesn't do what we all thought it
would do
and we were 24 years old having that
conversation and he didn't believe me
nor would anybody believe me but it was
true that's why I said to him I wanted
to help him out I wanted to say you know
it's not it doesn't solve the problem
you know Jim Carrey did a really good
quote a couple years ago a few few years
ago and he said I want everybody to get
their dream all their dreams come true
everybody so that they could know that
it's not the answer
and it's hard to
that's one of the main reasons I bought
that I wrote I didn't buy it I wrote it
I I bought it you bought it yeah
you know one of the main reasons I wrote
the book was I wanted people to you know
understand that and not many books have
come from the side of the addict and
you know told the story from that side
before certainly not somebody who's been
on one of their favorite shows or
whatever and you know that message is
very is very powerful because
I I thought it would fix everything and
you know it didn't I still wanted to
drink every day
you you talk in the book about how you
were one of the first if not the first
celebrity to be open about going to
rehab about going to rehab during
friends about needing to get help during
friends yeah that wasn't my choice
though that was just
that was just magazines and stuff taking
pictures of me and finding out and I
lost my anonymity that way and at the
time I thought anonymity was pretty damn
important but I was the first kind of
high level
um celebrity to go into a rehab so they
were very interested in that I was on
the cover of everything and it was it
just made everything harder on the other
end it made things easier because I
couldn't exactly go to a bar and go can
I put Martini please as I was on the
covers of everything what is it what
does that do to you I spent a lot of
time in the past little while talking
about how Fame can be dehumanizing how
that when you become a famous person
some of your humanity is robbed from you
most people in this audience in fact I'd
say everybody in this audience if they
had a problem they would be able to get
help for that problem without having
cameras in their face and without having
people [ __ ] screaming at them asking
them questions about are you still
drinking or you know all this stuff
while you're walking down the street
what is that what does that do to you
what does that do to you when you're
already struggling with this and you
have this other
layer to it a really quick answer to
that it's fine when you're doing fine
and when you're not doing fine it's one
of the most awful things in the world
because you have to lie and pretend that
you're doing well and you don't even
understand why you have to do that but
the key thing is that the reality of I'm
going to be famous and it's going to
make me happy
you know is wrong it does do some great
things what you want is an on off button
that's what you want you want to be able
to turn it off when you want to and turn
it on when you do and fellas
I will tell you that if you do get to
play Chandler on TV the women start to
walk up to you
hold on let me just uh let me just write
that yeah that's okay hold on play
Chandler on okay I used to think you've
spent half my night trying to think of
the line what would the line be to go to
the girl and then I was like oh the
girl's right here hi
it's it's lovely to hear you talk about
the show because in in the book you talk
about how in the past you had a
complicated relationship with looking
back on friends in the book you liken it
to the way that Nirvana never played
Smells Like Teen Spirit or that Led
Zeppelin didn't like playing Stairway to
Heaven you know they had a hit song and
they didn't like to play it on stage is
is are these two processes related like
the coming to peace with that and
talking to us so openly by the time on
the show and uh yeah I'm in a little bit
but I didn't watch the show and haven't
watched the show because I could go
drinking opiates
drinking cocaine like I could tell
season by season by how I looked and I
don't think anybody else can but I
certainly could and that's why I don't
want to watch it because that's what I
that's what I see that's what I noticed
when I watch it but I'm I I think I'm
gonna start to watch it because
it
it really has been an incredible first
of all it was an incredible ride but
it's been an incredible thing to watch
it touch the hearts of different
generations and
like all these like
[Applause]
it's become this important significant
thing and you know I would I I think I
would watch that again it was really
funny and all the people were nice and
I've been too worried about this and I
would you know I want to watch friends
too it it
um
you you start the book
friends lovers in the big terrible thing
and the first thing you do is declare I
should be dead
and then a few pages later you ask
yourself the question why am I alive
yeah
I'm curious if writing the Memoir helped
you answer that question
yeah definitely
um
the reason that book's any good is I was
just setting out to help people
um
they say I've heard that if you're
having anxiety you have depression one
of the ways out of that is doing
something creative
so I said okay and I
started writing on my notes app in my
phone
two thumbs and economical that's the way
to do it eventually but I'm faster that
way than this so I wrote about 140 pages
that way over the next like 10 12 days
touching on all these subjects and then
sent it out to my agent and manager and
they said this is very good but it needs
to be 150 more pages
so I got depressed and thought Oh I
thought I was done and then I switched
over to my iPad and I started really
filling this out and making it you know
but my goal was always when I wanted to
stop I was like God this is too much
it's too much stop
um I always went to no fat no matter how
far down the scale I've gone
I'll be able to help somebody who's gone
down that far too
so I kept going
and that's the only reason I kept going
what what does helping other people give
you in your own Journey then
it is I can't describe it it's something
spiritual it fills your heart you see
the lights coming on for a new person
who didn't understand that guy
didn't have the guy who said it's not
your fault
I said that to him
and then I saw this look of
you know this look of
relief that it wasn't his fault and we
started talking in a completely
different way
um
and I get as much help
from talking to 600 people as I do to
one person it gives me the juice the
same amount
um and I think when I lay in this
hospital bed
for five months I had to figure out
well first of all I was putting on an
echo machine
an ECMO machine does all your breathing
and does all your heart work it's a
machine that does that and it's what
doctors and people call the Hail Mary it
never works people put this on this
machine and they die but it you know
it's it works occasionally and
five people had an ECMO machine that
night and the other four died
and I survived and my parents were told
that I had a two percent chance of
making it through the night
so I'll have to live the rest of my life
knowing that my parents heard those
words
and
when something like that happens you'd
think you'd be filled with gratitude
yeah right yeah I'm so lucky to be alive
that's not what it is you don't feel
that way you feel pissed you feel pissed
off you know it's why did this happen to
me and like God and like I vomited into
my respirator and you talk to anybody in
the medical profession and go that guy's
dead there's no way that that guy with
that combination of things survived and
as I started to get better and I started
to get better like you know we were told
by doctors that I was so messed up down
there that they couldn't even
operate for another year and a half
until everything was okay enough to go
back in and so I had to live my life
that way and with really unfortunate
things happening and and you know I
never thought I'd get to sit up here I
never thought I'd it's crazy that I
wrote a number one bestseller you know
I mean it's pretty cool that's pretty
good man pretty good you said in the
book I think you have to have all your
dreams come true to realize they're the
wrong dreams what what are they that's
the product stole from Jim Carrey I
guess what are the what are the dreams
now the dreams now the best thing about
me Bar None is if somebody comes up to
me and says I can't stop drinking can
you help me I can say yes and follow up
and do it
that's the best thing
and
I've said this for a long time when I
die
I don't want friends to be the first
thing that's mentioned I want that to be
the first thing to mention and I'm going
to live the rest of my life proving that
do you want to do some
wanna do some audience questions yeah
you guys ask some questions let's answer
questions I'm done I'm off the clock
well we start with this one okay all
right
do you have any favorite spots to visit
in Toronto uh going to Leaf games
sorry sorry for the Leafs yeah they're
well yeah
yeah Habs fan you know well you've
you've had your time
[Music]
if your book had a soundtrack what would
it be
don't give up
which is a Peter Gabriel
listen to this song when you get home
Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush
and it's just beautiful I don't know if
you've heard it this is a long time ago
but it's beautiful and the you know it's
saying don't give up I mean it's yeah
come on I mean how am I not gonna like
that but the video music video of that
was just them
hugging each other and the camera just
went around until the song was over and
it was so cool and I love that
I've been writing like when I signed the
book I always put don't give up there
because you shouldn't give up
you should I don't know that's a less
that's a less good inscription yeah you
should give up yeah
um Matthew you actually should give up
Matthew Perry
okay
I waited maybe give up uh it's very
wrinkles uh Daria asks Daria okay asks
what advice do you have for people who
are trying to become sober
IA where are you
Darian
hi Daria
just wanted you to get a little Applause
um well we've touched on this which is
uh don't keep it a secret
uh you know raise your hand and say
you're suffering you you are drinking
and you can't stop and then it's like
the disease goes well if you're going to
tell somebody about it don't go away for
a while and that's the way it works but
the Jesus disease always comes back
but that's my advice have it stop be a
secret raise your hand ask for help
and when you start going to AAA meetings
don't leave an AAA meeting until you
know which one is next
that's that's my big hint in a
Amanda asks did you learn anything new
about yourself through the process of
writing this book
yeah I learned
how how
close I came to death
and how often that happened
and how I just never want to do it again
Tiffany asks
how would you like to be remembered I
would like to be remembered as somebody
who
lived well loved well
um
was a Seeker
and
is Paramount thing is that he wants to
help people
that's that's what I want
but I think I'm saying that too much but
it's true well but I think that I think
that's a good a good way to wrap things
up because I guess what I wanted to say
at the end was that
you have already helped us so much I
read a lot of books I have yet to see
one as
honest
and truly vulnerable as this one
and I I know it's also your way of
helping us again
so thank you so much for it thank you
Perry everybody
[Applause]
all right
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