Middle Class and Homeless | David Raether | TEDxAmherst

Summary

In this heartfelt speech, a former TV writer shares his journey from success to homelessness, reflecting on his fall from a lucrative career, personal loss, and eventual resilience. Once a writer for hit shows like 'Roseanne,' he describes the pain of losing everything, including his home and family, and the humbling experience of living on the streets for nearly two years. He speaks about the lessons of hunger, resourcefulness, and overcoming shame, emphasizing that poverty is painful but not shameful, and ultimately celebrates his personal growth through hardship.

Takeaways

• 🏠 The speaker was homeless for nearly two years, not due to addiction or crime, but because of financial failure and career loss.
• 📉 The speaker's career in TV writing collapsed after stepping away to focus on family, as the TV industry shifted towards reality programming and reduced opportunities for sitcom writers.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 The speaker had eight children and took time off from work to restore balance in his family, but struggled to find work when he tried to return to television.
• 💼 Despite having a successful career and earning significant money, the speaker's fortunes changed, and he applied for over 2,500 jobs without success, eventually losing his house to foreclosure.
• 🛌 The speaker shares the emotional and physical challenges of homelessness, describing how he slept under stairwells and in parking lots, learning to ‘defeat the night’ each day.
• 🥪 The speaker describes hunger as a complex and profound state, explaining how it leads to a strange, calm acceptance after a few days of not eating.
• 📚 The speaker learned that material possessions are replaceable, but what he missed most during his homeless years was having a room, a bed, and the people he loved.
• 🛏️ The speaker emphasizes the value of simple things like a bed, describing it as a personal paradise and source of comfort.
• 😔 The speaker discusses the shame often associated with poverty in America, but argues that being poor is not shameful—rather, it is painful and challenging.
• 💪 The speaker is proud of surviving homelessness, saying that those years were formative and helped him understand his own resilience and ability to endure hardship.

Q & A

What is the speaker's background before becoming homeless?

The speaker was a TV writer for about 12 years, including a stint on the show 'Roseanne,' where they worked on 11 episodes. They made a significant income, up to $300,000 a year, with an additional $650,000 one year for creating TV show ideas.

How did the speaker’s career and financial situation deteriorate?

After stepping away from TV to focus on their family, the TV industry changed, with the rise of reality shows and a decrease in sitcoms. By the time the speaker tried to return to TV, jobs were scarce, and they struggled to find work, sending out over 2,500 resumes without success. This led to financial ruin, losing their house to foreclosure.

What led the speaker to homelessness?

After years of financial decline, losing their home, and being unable to find work, the speaker’s wife returned to Germany with some of their children. The speaker arranged for their two high-school children to stay with families, which left them without a place to stay, eventually becoming homeless.

What emotions did the speaker experience on their first night of homelessness?

The speaker described feeling stung, embarrassed, and humiliated, comparing it to being punched in the face unexpectedly. Despite their attempts to minimize the situation by telling themselves it wasn’t so bad, the reality of being exposed and vulnerable set in.

How did the speaker manage daily life while homeless?

The speaker learned to 'defeat the night' by finding safe and quiet places to sleep, such as parking garages. They became resourceful and learned to navigate the challenges of homelessness, adapting to their new reality over the course of two years.

What lessons did the speaker learn about hunger during their time on the streets?

The speaker learned that true hunger, the kind experienced after several days without food, is a complex and profound state. It brings a strange calm and lack of anxiety as the body and mind adapt to the situation, though it is not a pleasant experience.

What does the speaker say about material possessions after losing everything?

The speaker reflected that material possessions are completely replaceable. After once owning a large house filled with items, they were left with only a wallet their daughter made in school. The speaker emphasized that material things can always be bought again.

What was the most important thing the speaker missed while being homeless?

The speaker said that the one thing they truly missed was having a room, a bed, and the people they loved. They spoke about how there is nothing better than having a bed, a safe and private place where they could rest and feel protected.

How does the speaker view the concept of shame in relation to poverty and homelessness?

The speaker learned that being poor and homeless is not shameful, although in America, it is often treated as such. They came to be proud of their experience, emphasizing that while being poor is painful and devastating, it is not something to be ashamed of.

What is the speaker’s overall message at the end of their talk?

The speaker conveyed that their years of poverty and homelessness were some of the best because they learned resilience, endurance, and what they were truly capable of. They also expressed optimism, knowing they would have a great story to tell once they overcame those hardships.

Outlines

00:00

🏠 Overcoming Homelessness and a Shattered Life

In 2009, the speaker was homeless, sleeping under a stairwell in a Pasadena parking lot. If someone had told him that within six years he'd be speaking to students at a prestigious university, he would have dismissed it. He was not homeless due to addiction or crime but due to the failure of his career, financial ruin, and family breakdown. The speaker had been a successful TV writer for shows like 'Roseanne,' making large sums of money, but that life didn't translate well into his role as a father and husband. Ultimately, he found himself alone and homeless for nearly two years, a profound experience that shaped his perspective on life.

05:03

📉 The Collapse of a TV Career

After taking time off to focus on his family, the speaker tried to return to TV writing, only to find that the industry had drastically changed. Sitcoms had largely been replaced by reality shows, and staff sizes had shrunk. At 50 years old, the speaker found it nearly impossible to find work in an industry that viewed him as 'no longer funny.' Between 2005 and 2011, he sent out over 2,500 applications and resumes, but received no job offers. The family’s financial situation worsened, and by 2006, they lost their house to foreclosure. His wife, a German citizen, moved back to Germany with their younger children, leaving him homeless.

10:05

🛌 Learning to Survive the Streets

The first night of homelessness was jarring and humiliating for the speaker. With no home, he wandered the streets of Pasadena and ended up in a park, struggling with the realization that he was no better than the other homeless people around him. Fear of danger, like being attacked or arrested, led him to find a safer place in a parking garage under a stairwell, where he slept. This became his routine for the next two years. Through this experience, he discovered his own resilience, resourcefulness, and the sobering reality of hunger, which transforms after days without food into a strange, calm acceptance of the situation.

15:05

💼 Losing Everything but Gaining Clarity

Reflecting on what he lost, the speaker shares that material possessions are ultimately replaceable. Once wealthy, with a large home and many belongings, all he now had left from his past life was a wallet his daughter had made for him. What he truly missed was not the stuff but having a room, a bed, and being surrounded by loved ones. He expresses how a bed became a symbol of comfort, safety, and home. It's the simple things, like a bed to sleep in, that are irreplaceable and invaluable.

😔 Overcoming the Shame of Poverty

The speaker concludes by discussing the shame he felt while being homeless. He hid his situation from his children and dressed normally to avoid uncomfortable questions. He realized that in America, poverty is often viewed as shameful, but through his experience, he learned that poverty is not something to be ashamed of. It's painful and devastating, but not a reflection of personal failure. He is proud of having endured homelessness, as it was a testament to his resilience. This period of his life, though difficult, showed him what he could survive and gave him a story of strength and survival.

Keywords

💡Homelessness

Homelessness refers to the state of lacking a stable place to live, a core theme in the video as the speaker shares his personal experience of living on the streets for nearly two years. He explains how homelessness shaped him, taught him resilience, and stripped away the societal shame attached to being poor and vulnerable. His journey of adapting to life without a home, such as sleeping in a parking garage, exemplifies the harsh reality of being homeless.

💡Shame

Shame is a deep sense of embarrassment or humiliation, which the speaker initially feels due to his homeless state. He explains that in America, poverty is often linked with shame, and he tried to hide his circumstances from others. However, he concludes that poverty and homelessness are not shameful, but painful and difficult. Overcoming this shame allowed him to see his vulnerability as a source of strength.

💡Resilience

Resilience is the ability to endure and recover from difficulties. The speaker's experience with homelessness tested his resilience, teaching him that he was more resourceful and able to survive hardship than he had imagined. Despite losing almost everything, including his career and home, he learned to 'defeat the night' and endure the daily struggle of homelessness.

💡Career Collapse

Career collapse refers to the complete breakdown of the speaker's successful career as a television writer. He was once making hundreds of thousands of dollars, but after stepping away to focus on his family, the industry shifted, and he struggled to find work when he tried to return. His fall from financial stability to poverty highlights the unpredictability of life and the consequences of career-related decisions.

💡Family

Family is central to the speaker's narrative, particularly the tension between his career and his role as a husband and father. He initially prioritizes his work over his family, leading to personal and financial ruin. After taking time off to restore balance in his family life, he finds that his career is no longer viable. His experience underscores the importance of family support during hardship, as his wife Marina and children played pivotal roles in his life decisions.

💡Television Industry

The television industry represents the speaker's former career and the rapid changes it underwent during his time away. He explains how the rise of reality TV led to a significant reduction in the number of sitcoms and job opportunities, making it impossible for him to find work again. This shift in the industry serves as a backdrop to his personal downfall.

💡Poverty

Poverty is a key theme, representing the financial and emotional hardship the speaker faces after losing his house and career. He talks about the painful process of losing his possessions and home, and how poverty is not only a lack of money but also a loss of stability and identity. He contrasts his earlier life of luxury with his later life of survival, emphasizing that poverty is not shameful but deeply difficult.

💡Resourcefulness

Resourcefulness refers to the ability to find solutions in challenging situations. The speaker describes how he learned to survive during his homelessness by figuring out where to sleep safely and how to navigate life without a home. This ability to adapt and make the best of his dire circumstances became a crucial skill for him during his two years on the streets.

💡Hunger

Hunger is used both literally and metaphorically in the video to describe the speaker's experience with going without food for several days. He explains how true hunger transforms from anxiety and desperation into a strange calm acceptance. Hunger becomes a symbol of the deeper emotional and physical deprivation he experienced while homeless, illustrating the psychological effects of extreme poverty.

💡Loss

Loss permeates the speaker's story as he recounts losing his career, home, financial security, and the material possessions that once defined his life. His ultimate realization is that while material things are replaceable, the most important things he lost were the comfort of a bed and the presence of the people he loves. This highlights the emotional toll that loss takes beyond the material.

Highlights

In 2009, the speaker was homeless, sleeping under a stairwell in a Pasadena parking lot.

Reflecting back, the speaker could never have imagined addressing university students years later.

Speaker's career was as a TV writer, with notable experience working on the show 'Roseanne.'

Earning up to $300,000 a year, he seemed successful but felt a disconnect between work success and family life.

Balancing TV writing and parenting proved difficult; his work hours left little family time.

Took time off from work to rebuild his family relationship but struggled to re-enter the industry due to the rise of reality TV.

From 2001 to 2002, the TV industry shrank significantly, with sitcom opportunities decreasing.

Despite sending over 2,500 applications, he couldn’t secure a new position in the entertainment field.

After foreclosure, his wife and some children moved to Germany while he was left homeless in California.

Sleeping on benches and stairwells, he had to adapt to a new, challenging daily routine.

Learned resilience, humility, and resourcefulness while being homeless, which shaped his outlook on life.

Speaker discusses the psychological depth of true hunger, especially after going days without food.

Lost all physical possessions, retaining only a handmade wallet his daughter crafted.

Realized that material items are replaceable, but his most valued things were a bed, room, and family.

Embraced his experience of homelessness and destitution as transformative, realizing it is not shameful to be poor.

Transcripts

[Music]

so um in 2009 on this very evening I was

crawled underneath a stairwell in a

underground parking lot three stories

down in Pasadena California and I had my

head on a napsack I had my coat as a

blanket I was trying to fall

asleep and if on that night someone had

snuggled up next to me and whispered to

me hey in six years you're going to be

standing in an auditorium at the

University of Massachusetts one of the

great public universities of America and

you're going to be talking to the

students there I would have turned to

that person and said of

course

naturally I was homeless and not briefly

I was homeless off and on I lived on the

streets for nearly two

years I was neither a drug addict nor an

alcoholic nor was I a criminal but I had

committed one of the basic American sins

I had

failed over the course of about eight

years my career ended my savings

vanished we lost the house then my

family broke apart and I ended up

homeless and alone

it was an incredible

experience and uh one that has shaped me

in many

ways I uh the reason it was so hard for

me was I I was a TV writer so the fall

was really

tremendous I was a I wrote on television

for about 12 years including a stint on

Rosanne where I worked on1 episodes of

that great

show so uh if you're wondering is TV

comedy writing a great job are you

kidding it's the greatest job ever

invented you sit around in a room with

eight eight or 10 other SM smart funny

equally neurotic people arguing about a

script all day long and then at some

point you walk down to the stage and you

get to see actors rehearse your speech

rehearse your lines see see this this

thing you've written come alive then on

tape night there's a studio audience of

real people and they're laughing at

stuff you wrote that's being said by

these great actors and then afterwards

you go to a saloon and you commiserate

and you get and you and you just

congratulate yourself over and over it's

the greatest job

ever

except it

wasn't now I made a lot of money as a TV

writer um I uh as a writer producer

you're compensated on an episode basis

and in the late '90s I was making about

$300,000 a year then there was one year

where a studio paid me another

$650,000 just to come up with ideas for

TV series it was Heaven except it wasn't

for my family it wasn't for my wife

Marina and it wasn't for my eight

children that's just yeah that's right

[Music]

eight just as a side note I would just

say there was no religious or

philosophical reason for it we just had

eight kids but

anyway um now the skill set that I had

as a as a TV writer you know being a

wise weisenheimer guy who could always

argue all day long that really didn't

apply that it wasn't a transferable

skill set to a real family with a real

wife and real kid

when you have uh I mean I was paid a lot

of money to come up with great lines for

a sitcom dad to say to his sitcom

daughter who was going through a sitcom

crisis that doesn't transfer real well

when you're dealing with a real daughter

and real sons and a real

wife and the burden of plus the hours

were tremendous I would work from 10: in

the morning of until 3:00 a.m. the

following morning the easy the easy days

were tape nights where we ended around

around

11:00 so I was barely at home the house

wasn't really a home for me it was a

place I checked in on on the

weekends and my wife Marina was really

struggling so I needed to step away I'd

made a lot of money I'd done real well

it was time for me to focus on my real

job which was husband and father and so

I took a couple of years

off and it was great I restored balance

to my

family I was happy things calmed down

then I decided you know what it's time

for me to go back to

television well television had other

ideas in the time that I was out on my

uh leave to be a father reality

programming

boomed and in 2001 2002 there were 403

sitcoms on

television uh two years later

when I was thinking of returning they're

now about 30 and the staff sizes had

shrunk dramatically by 2007 2008 there

were 18 sitcoms left on

television Plus at this point I was Now

50 which they don't they don't really

tell you this until you get to that

point at 50 you're officially no longer

funny

so anyway so I just couldn't find work

there was impossible to me for me to

find work so I thought well I'll just do

I'll just find other work writing or

editing

jobs I sent out between 2006 2005 I

should say and 2011 I did a search on my

my email

accounts looking for the word resume or

application I sent out

2541 applications or resumés and I got

no

jobs so by

2006 we were in big trouble we lost our

house to

foreclosure now I should just say

this when you you when you lose your

house to foreclosure you actually you

don't lose the house the house doesn't

go anywhere you're the one who's lost

you're the one who has to

leave we struggled for another couple of

years and by 2008 we were absolutely

broke I had four children still at home

two in high school and two in middle

school and Elementary School Marina my

wife is a German citizen so she said

look why don't I just go to Germany I we

can live off the benevolence of the

German welfare state and so I found

places families for my two who were in

high school to stay while I tried to see

if I could get something

going and that left me homeless I had no

place to stay say now the first night

you're

homeless it has this stinging feeling

like you've just been punched in the

face you know like when you're in eighth

grade and you're fighting you know the

slow fat kid and and you're you're like

you're going to beat him up and all a

sudden he hits you in the face and you

didn't I mean like how did that happen

to me how did I get punched in the face

by that kid it

hurts it's embarrassing it's

humiliating and so then you just go home

and you come home and your mother's

making soup and she asks how your day

was and you say it was fine just leave

me alone and you go to your room and you

lie in her bed except on this

night there was no one making soup for

me there was no home to go to there was

no

bed I was

homeless so I thought well Passad it's a

nice night I'll go for a walk so I

started walking around this won't be so

bad I can do this

and all these other lies that you would

tell yourself to try to make it feel

like you weren't really going through

this I ended up in a

park and um you know it's like it's

about midnight now D was starting to

settle on the benches of the I sit on

the park

bench and uh I see there's a homeless

man over there with his shopping cart

and stuff AR out and I'm

think seems to have figured it out

and then I thought nah you know I'm not

like him I'm better than him except I'm

not better than him I am him I'm the

exact same person as

him maybe I can so I sit there on the

bench and for about an hour maybe it's a

few minutes my head starts to droop I

start to fall asleep then I wake up I

don't want to sleep on the bench I'm too

exposed someone could come along and

beat me up take my back back or maybe

the police would come and arrest me for

sleeping in the park or maybe a coyote

would attack I mean I've seen Coyotes

out in the city at this time of night

they're always on some

Mission maybe they just go for garbage

or an old weakened

animal hey wait a

minute maybe in this light I look like

an old weakened

animal so I decide to get up and I go

walk some more and there it is a parking

garage I walked down into it I walked

around and I found a space under the

stairwell it was dark it was quiet it

was still warm from the heat of the day

I laid down put a backpack put my head

down on my backpack covered myself with

my

coat and slowly almost effortlessly

I finally fell

asleep I had defeated the

night and that's what I did and had to

do for the next two years every day I

had to defeat the

night I learned a lot of things about

myself when I was homeless I learned

that I'm more resourceful than I ever

knew I'm significantly less respectable

than I imagined

and I'm far more resilient than I ever

dreamed I also learned something

interesting about

Hunger um now I'm talking about Hunger

the int the physical or psychological

state of hunger you know of all the

psychological States you can be in

intellectual fervor erotic desire

religious Joy uh fear

anger hunger is the most complex and

profound now by hunger I don't mean je I

didn't have lunch today I'm

starving that's not hunger that's

hungry hunger is what you experience

when you go three four five days without

eating much and the first few days you

have a lot of anxiety you're thinking

constantly about food you're edgy you're

desperate you're on uh you don't know

what's going to happen but around the

third or fourth day you start this calm

sort of starts to come over you it

starts to almost just fall on

you you start to not worry so much your

clothes start to drape on you which is

not a bad

feeling but it's not a it's a sort of

bliss but it's not a pleasant Bliss it's

it's just an it's just a bliss where

there's no an anxiety you're just

relaxed do you know there's no solution

your

problem so you're just going to let it

go you're just going to experience what

you're going to

experience and that's

it what have I what did I what did I

take from from being uh from when I went

through well in some senses I took

nothing from being homeless and poor I

mean literally

nothing before I uh when when I was

doing well I had a five bedroom 4,000

foot house in San Marino California

which is one of the wealthiest suburbs

in in California it was full of books

and art and appliances and grand piano

and clothes and I had three cars and

after

it I show you this is what I have left

this is all I have left from that

life this is a

wallet this is a wallet my daughter made

for

me in a leather crafting class when she

was in sixth grade 20 years ago this is

it this is all I have

left one of the things I learned about

all this stuff I

have is that stuff is completely

replaceable

they have stores now that are selling

stuff you can just go there buy all of

it bring in your house and you you got

everything that you used to have you can

get it

back but the the one thing that I really

wanted that the one thing that I truly

missed was a room and a bed and the

people I

love you know let me just say this about

a bed

there is nothing better than a

bed this is my

place this is where I go these walls are

my protection this I crawl under this

the blankets at night I put my head and

on that pillow and I fall asleep this is

my

Aiden it's my Paradise

the other thing I learned about during

my years and really this is the final

thing I'd like to point about is about

shame I hid my situation from virtually

everyone I used to dress like this I

looked like a normal

person

um because one reason is I didn't want

my children have to add uncomfortable

questions about what was going on with

their father but the other thing is that

in America

it is shameful to be

poor and one of the things I learned in

the two years that I lived on the street

is no it's not shameful to be

poor being poor and homeless and

vulnerable is

painful difficult and devastating but it

is not

shameful I am proud that I was poor and

homeless I am proud that I was

vulnerable and alone because those years

were the best of

me and I know what I can get through I

know what I can endure and I'll have a

great story when I get to the other side

thank you

[Applause]

[Music]