An Autistic Man who will Always Need Support and his Loving Parents
Summary
TLDRIn this heartwarming transcript, Darius, an 18-year-old autistic man, shares his love for rice and harmonica music with his family and friend Chris. His mother discusses Darius's sensory needs, stimming behaviors, and the challenges of autism acceptance. She also reflects on the joys of autism, which have led her to appreciate life's small pleasures. The conversation touches on Darius's fixations, communication efforts, and the family's hopes for societal understanding.
Takeaways
- 👦 Darius is an 18-year-old autistic individual who enjoys simple pleasures like touching his mom's hair and playing with harmonicas.
- 🍚 Darius has a strong preference for rice, mentioning it repeatedly and expressing excitement about having it tomorrow.
- 🤗 Darius engages in stimming behaviors, which are self-stimulatory actions that help him calm down and regulate his anxiety.
- 👨👦 The family has a deep understanding and acceptance of Darius's autism, with his mother expressing that he cannot hide his autism and should be himself.
- 👨👨👦 Darius's mother also has a younger brother with autism, indicating a possible genetic predisposition in the family.
- 👕 Darius has issues with clothing, preferring not to wear them, which can lead to social challenges.
- 🗣️ Darius's mother is teaching him to speak in full sentences to improve communication with others who may not understand his autism.
- 🌱 The family has learned to appreciate the little things in life through Darius's unique perspective, such as enjoying the sensation of grass or sand.
- 🤔 Darius's mother expresses concern for his future, especially considering the age gap and her desire to be around to care for him.
- 👀 Darius's mother has learned to read his non-verbal cues over the years, which has helped in understanding his needs and communication.
- 👨👩👦👦 The family dynamic includes a balance of patience and understanding, with Darius's father also showing acceptance and adaptation to his son's behaviors.
Q & A
Who is Darius and what condition does he have?
-Darius is an 18-year-old autistic individual. His family describes his behaviors, including stimming and sensory preferences, as part of his autism.
What is Darius's favorite food, and how does he express this?
-Darius's favorite food is rice, and he repeatedly says 'Rice tomorrow' throughout the transcript, showing his excitement and anticipation for eating rice.
How does Darius’s mother describe the purpose of his stimming?
-Darius's mother explains that stimming helps him calm down, regulate his anxiety, and connect with the world. She emphasizes that it’s a form of self-expression and regulation for him.
What challenges does Darius's mother face when taking him out in public?
-One of the main challenges is controlling Darius's fast eating, as he loves food. Additionally, there is concern about his loud stimming and his discomfort with wearing clothes, which can lead to socially awkward situations.
How has autism changed the perspective of Darius's mother on life?
-Darius's mother says that autism has made her appreciate the little things in life, such as rolling in grass or noticing cherry blossoms. She feels that autism has helped her slow down and pay attention to the world around her.
What does Darius's mother want people to understand about stimming?
-She wants people to understand that stimming is a natural behavior for Darius and that it shouldn't be hidden. She hopes to raise awareness so that people don’t judge him when they see him stimming in public.
How does Darius’s father feel about his son’s stimming now?
-Darius's father mentions that he has grown accustomed to Darius's stimming. Although it used to bother him in certain situations, like when watching TV, he is now more patient and accepting of it.
Why does Darius's mother emphasize teaching him to speak in full sentences?
-Darius's mother wants to teach him to speak in full sentences so that others can understand him more easily. While she understands him regardless, she wants him to be able to communicate clearly with the outside world.
What impact has caring for Darius had on his father's life?
-Darius's father mentions that caring for Darius has made him take better care of his own health because he wants to live as long as possible to ensure that Darius is cared for.
How does Darius's mother handle situations where he removes his clothes in public?
-Darius's mother explains that this behavior used to be more frequent, and it would surprise people at gatherings. She has worked with him to keep his clothes on when leaving his room, especially in public settings.
Outlines
😄 Loving Interactions and Sensory Comfort
The first paragraph showcases a heartwarming interaction between Darius, his mother, and Chris. Darius is seen expressing his desire for rice tomorrow repeatedly, indicating a possible fixation on routine or comfort food. His mother explains that Darius finds sensory comfort in touching her hair, which helps alleviate his anxiety. The conversation also hints at Darius's stim behavior, where he hums and engages in self-stimulatory actions, which his mother hopes others will understand as a natural part of his being autistic. The exchange between Darius and Chris is filled with humor and patience, emphasizing the importance of acceptance and understanding of autistic individuals.
👨👦 The Journey of Raising an Autistic Child
In the second paragraph, Darius's mother discusses the challenges and joys of raising an autistic child. She mentions teaching Darius to speak in full sentences to improve communication and ensure he is understood by others. The conversation delves into her concerns for Darius's future, especially regarding his care when she is no longer around. The mother also shares her personal experience of having a younger brother with autism, drawing parallels between his regression at 18 months and Darius's behaviors. The narrative is a blend of personal anecdotes and a mother's deep love and concern for her son.
🌟 Embracing Simplicity and Finding Joy
The third paragraph highlights the family's positive outlook on life with autism. Darius's mother describes how autism has taught her to appreciate the simple pleasures in life, such as rolling in grass or feeling sand. She contrasts this with societal expectations and the challenges of ensuring Darius wears clothes and behaves appropriately in public. The discussion also touches on Darius's fixation on food and the difficulties it presents when dining out. The overall tone is one of acceptance and finding joy in the unique experiences that autism brings to their lives.
👕 Navigating Social Norms and Public Perceptions
The final paragraph addresses the social challenges faced by Darius and his family. His mother talks about teaching Darius to wear clothes, especially when leaving his room, to align with societal norms. She shares anecdotes of social faux pas, such as Darius undressing in public, which can lead to misunderstandings or dangerous situations. The conversation emphasizes the importance of educating others about autism and the need for patience and understanding. The summary ends on a positive note, with the mother expressing hope that people will see Darius as awesome, reflecting a desire for societal acceptance and inclusivity.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Autism
💡Stimming
💡Sensory
💡Anxiety
💡Communication
💡Fixation
💡Regression
💡Acceptance
💡Awareness
💡Inclusion
💡Non-verbal cues
Highlights
Darius' love for rice is a recurring theme throughout the conversation.
Darius enjoys touching his mother's hair, which is soothing for him.
Darius' mother plays the harmonica, and Darius hums along, indicating a shared musical bond.
Darius' stims, or self-stimulatory behaviors, are a way for him to calm down and regulate himself.
Darius' mother is actively trying to teach him to speak in full sentences to improve communication.
Darius' father expresses patience and understanding towards his stims.
The family dynamic includes a supportive environment where Darius is encouraged to be himself.
Darius' mother shares her concerns about his future and the need to take care of her own health to be there for him.
Darius' mother reflects on the challenges of having an adult son who is autistic.
The conversation reveals a history of regression in Darius' younger brother, similar to Darius' experience.
Darius' mother discusses the importance of understanding non-verbal cues in autism.
Darius' stims are not just a private behavior; they occur in public and are part of his identity.
Darius' mother hopes that people will see Darius as awesome when they meet him.
The transcript highlights the difficulties of managing public behaviors, such as Darius' tendency to remove his clothes.
Darius' mother has learned to read his non-verbal cues and respond appropriately.
The conversation ends on a light note, with Chris complimenting Darius' feet smell.
Transcripts
- Alright Darius, come on. Come sit with Mommy.
- [Darius] Rice tomorrow.
- Okay, rice tomorrow. Come over here.
- [Darius] Rice tomorrow. - Yes.
- [Darius] Rice tomorrow. - Alright.
(harmonica chords play) (laughter)
[Darius' Mom] Come sit by me. Come on. Yeah.
You wanna touch my hair?
He loves touching my hair so he's gonna touch it. Come on.
(harmonica chord plays) Let me put the harmonica up.
I'm gonna put that there. (Darius humming)
- [Chris] Did you say he loves touching your hand?
- Yeah. Hair.
- [Chris] Hair.
- He's gonna be touching it. (Darius humming)
You're so gassy.
- Rice tomorrow.
- [Chris] Why do you think he likes touching your hair?
- It's like a sensory for him and it gives him, like,
pleasure and calms his anxiety.
- Rice tomorrow.
- Rice tomorrow.
- [Chris] Does he talk - Rice tomorrow.
about rice a lot?
- He loves rice.
He wants rice tomorrow.
Rice tomorrow, right?
Do you want rice tomorrow?
- Rice tomorrow.
- Yes, he loves rice. That's his favorite food.
- [Chris] Are you excited for rice tomorrow, Darius?
- Are you excited about rice? (laughs)
Are you excited? You want rice?
Yeah, he wants rice.
Yes! Yes, sit down. (Darius laughs)
Sit down, yes! (claps)
(Darius laughing)
- [Chris] Hey, Darius.
- Darius. Darius. Darius. How are you?
It's nice- (Darius laughs)
It's nice to be here with you today.
- (laughing) Yeah.
(Darius hums)
- You see like now he's stimming. He's in his own zone.
- [Chris] How long will he do that for
if he's just left by himself?
- He can do it for hours. He can do it for hours.
- [Chris] Do you have any idea
as to what he's thinking during that time?
- I dunno. I really dunno.
(humming stops)
What are you thinking?
What are you thinking about?
Huh? What are you thinking about?
Hi. Hey, what's up? (laughs)
(Darius and Chris humming)
- I'm trying to match your pitch.
(Darius and Chris humming)
- [Chris] If somebody sees him out in public
and he's stimming, what do you hope they think?
And understand? (harmonica squeaks)
(Darius humming)
- If people see him,
I don't think a lot of people know about stimming.
So people probably stare and look.
Y'know, that's why I try to spread awareness
about stimming and what it is.
- [Chris] Let's start by describing it.
What is it, why does he do this?
- It helps him calm down, helps him regulate himself.
Anxiety, you know.
Kind of connect with the world I think.
(Darius and Chris humming)
People think that you should not show it.
Y'know, it's for private, your home.
"You should stim in the house. Don't show people stimming."
But he's gonna stim outside 'cause he has no control.
He cannot hide it. He cannot mask his autism.
He's autistic (laughs). He can't hide it.
He's just being him, he's being Darius. He has no clue.
So he doesn't know when he gets outside he has to be quiet.
He doesn't know that he can't walk
back and forth or make the sounds.
- [Chris] Do you think he realizes there's a difference
between him and most other people?
- I think he think other people are different (laughs).
It's like "What are you doing?" (laughs)
(Darius and Chris humming)
(Darius laughs)
- We're pretty good.
(Darius and Chris humming)
(Darius' dad laughs)
(Darius hums rhythmically)
- [Chris] What do you think when your son stims?
- I'm more patient with it.
It used to bother me when I was, like,
maybe watching a show or something
and it gets a little too loud and I'm like, "Oh, boy."
But this is, like, maybe, like, a little while back.
Now it's like, "Eh."
- [Chris] You've grown accustomed to it.
- Yeah.
- [Chris] Can I ask you a question, Darius?
What's your favorite movie?
- [Darius' Dad] What is his favorite movie?
- What's your favorite movie?
My favorite movie is-
- Go- Go- Go-
- The Golden Girls is not your favorite movie (laughs).
I should not watch the Golden Girls around him.
I'm a Golden Girl fan,
fanatic - Rice tomorrow.
- And he sees me- - Rice tomorrow.
- Shoulder, shoulder. - Rice tomorrow.
Touch my shoulder. What do you want?
- Rice tomorrow.
I, rice tomorrow.
- I. - Want.
- Want. - To.
- Rice. - Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow.
- [Chris] Are you teaching - Rice tomorrow.
him to speak in full sentences?
- Yes.
- Mhmm.
(Darius begins groaning)
- Why is that important to you?
- Because it's important because I want
other people to understand him.
You know, like I understand him no matter what he says,
but I want other people to understand
so he can say "I want..."
'Cause if if he said rice, no one knows.
Y'know, so I want him to, like, try to say "I want, I need,
I want to go to the car, I wanna go outside."
Because if he just says "Outside,"
people don't know what he's saying.
So I understand, but he has to go out in the world
and y'know, communicate with others.
- My biggest worry, (Darius hums rhythmically)
'Cause he's the reason I started taking
better care of myself.
'Cause I said, "I need to take my own health more serious
to stick around as long as I can
because I have a son who needs to be cared for."
So really as far as Darius goes,
that's the only thing I ever, like, worried about.
'Cause I'm like "Okay, you know, the inevitable.
You're not here forever and he needs to be cared for."
So that's where my attention goes
'Cause I'm 30 years older than he is and, y'know,
I'm trying to stick around as long as I can.
I mean we all want to stick around and be healthy
but even more so for him, even more so.
(Darius and Chris humming)
(Darius laughs)
- It's fun.
(Darius laughs)
(Darius and Chris humming)
- [Chris] What's it like to have an
18 year old autistic son?
(harmonica music plays)
- I mean today I was looking at him,
he was sitting by my bed.
He's a grown man.
And when I'm walking with him I gotta hold his hand.
So it's like I'm holding a grown man hand.
Y'know, he walking, he's bigger than me
and it's like people might think I'm his girlfriend.
- [Chris] What happens if you don't hold his hand?
- He probably go his own direction.
(Darius babbles)
- [Chris] Is Darius the first autistic person you've known?
- No, my younger brother, he's four years younger than I am
and it happened the same way at like 18 months.
He was almost two years old,
'cause he was progressing normally
and then at 18 months he, like, just lost it.
- [Chris] Tell me about the regression when you
first started to notice symptoms of autism.
- I think it was about 18 months
and he stopped responding to his name
and he stopped singing.
He started more humming and making sounds though.
He still loved music.
But he just stopped responding to his name.
He wasn't interested in other little kids.
- [Chris] And he was prior to that?
- Yes, he was.
And then like I said, he was singing Blue's Clues.
He talked, he walked early.
He had no choice 'cause he grew up with,
my sister had a kid and they were the same age.
And she would like fall (harmonica chords play)
on top of him and he's like "I gotta get outta here."
But he had to walk away (laughs).
Darius, you're so silly. (Darius laughs)
- Yeah, I just noticed his focus was off.
Like, 'cause he used to be real focused like,
"Darius come here." He'd run over there to you.
You'd talk back and forth with him.
And then I just noticed that like, "Hey, Darius."
And then he wasn't responding to his name
and you'd be talking to him and he'd be like.
That's like you talking to me
and I'm like, you know,
it's more like you're not even talking like
My focus is like (Darius laughs)
everywhere else but you.
That's what what I picked up on, his focus.
- He didn't, like, socialize with other kids.
'Cause before that, when I took him to the little gym
he would play with other kids.
And once he, you know, regressed and everything
he showed no interest (harmonica squeals)
in other kids.
- [Chris] Was it a gradual thing
or was it kind of like a night and day thing?
- It was like a overnight thing.
One day he was doing everything
and then the next day he wasn't.
(Darius yells)
(Darius and Chris humming)
- Handshake?
(Darius hums)
(Chris mimics Darius)
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
(Darius and Chris hum)
- [Chris] Is autism Darius's only diagnosis?
- Yes. He just autistic, yes.
(Darius yelling)
And whatever that is (laughs).
Greatness. Great-ism. Autism and great-ism.
[Chris] Does he stim in his room all the time?
- All the time.
And sometimes we laugh because it's funny, like.
Like now. It's like, "What are you saying?"
(Darius and his mom singing)
- It's a blessing though. It made me really like,
you know how they say "You stop and smell the flowers?"
That's how autism is, like you really start
appreciating the little things in life.
Like I never paid attention to the world around me.
Like Darius likes to roll in grass so we roll in grass.
He likes to pick up sand and feel it.
I never paid much attention to that.
Like the cherry blossom, he takes them and blow 'em.
I never paid attention to the nature
and enjoy the world like that.
And that's the good thing about autism.
Like you, you really get to enjoy the world.
You pay attention to stuff
that you never paid attention to before.
- [Chris] Why do you think (harmonica chords play)
Darius likes the harmonica so much?
- I think he likes it because he kind of does the stimming.
Like with his vocal stims, he makes sounds and I think
he's making the same sounds through the harmonica.
- [Chris] Do you love the harmonica, Darius?
- Rice tomorrow.
- Rice tomorrow.
- Rice tomorrow.
- Rice tomorrow.
- Two rice tomorrow.
- Two rice?
- Two rice.
(Darius and Chris humming)
(humming stops)
(Darius and Chris laughing)
(Chris and Darius humming)
- Rice tomorrow.
- Rice tomorrow. You're gonna get rice tomorrow.
When you come home from school you can have rice, okay?
And move over.
- [Chris] Does he fixate on things like that a lot?
- Yes, especially food.
- The only thing that, like, bothers me when we are out
is if we go out to eat, he eats so fast.
You gotta control his eating. That's about it.
Like as far as the stimming (Darius stammering)
or anything like that,
I hope he doesn't get too loud, but y'know.
And really that's like, you know,
it doesn't bother me (Darius hums)
but you know, you kinda trying to be considerate
to everyone else, y'know.
But it doesn't bother me at all.
- Yeah, like when I take him out, food is a big issue.
Like he likes to grab and get more
and it's, like, difficult when it comes to food.
He loves food.
So food is our biggest issue.
(Darius and Chris humming)
(Chris stops humming) (Darius stops humming)
(Darius and Chris humming)
(Chris stops humming) (Darius stops humming)
- [Chris] Darius is 18.
Over the course of his life there's been a lot
of knowledge spread about autism.
Would you say we're at a good place in society?
Are people generally accepting?
- I think we still have a lot of work to do.
In 2023...Trev, go see what he doing.
He doing something in there.
- [Chris] Does he different things in the bathroom?
- Yes. He dump out soap and stuff like that,
and flush the toilet paper and stuff like that.
Yeah, I think in 2023 you would think
we have come a long way.
But it's a lot of work to do. It's a lot.
Darius does not like to wear clothes, so it's hard.
So I tell him like, "Darius, when you come out your room
you have to have clothes on."
So he wants to run around without any clothes on,
he doesn't like shoes.
So that's hard, you know, it's like
no one wants to see a grown man (laughs).
Yeah, no one wants to see a grown man.
- [Chris] Have there been situations where you've had to
explain that or something similar to other people?
- Yes, a lot, like it's, it was a time when, like,
we would have a party and in the middle of the party
he would take off his clothes
and all the girls would go running (laughs).
"Oh my gosh, Darius," and he was younger,
but it was a surprise for people to see him like that.
'Cause one minute he's dressed, and he's very fast with it.
So he's dressed, fully dressed and then he's nude.
So it's like wow (laughs) no one expected him to be nude.
- Now if a kid does that, it's still kind of like
socially unacceptable, but it's a kid.
If an adult does that, it can lead to dangerous situations
if people don't understand what's happening.
- Yeah. And that's why, that's one thing I really
wanted to work with, with him, with keeping his clothes on.
So he knows now like if he wants to eat,
come out his room, he has to have underwears on.
So I got to that point where he understands
that he needs to wear underwears when he leaves his room.
So I let him, a lot of people may feel like
he should have underwears on all day
but if he's in his room, I let him slide a little bit.
- Sometimes he doesn't want to be bothered
and I don't mess with him.
Like I look he's really into something
I just leave him there.
Sometimes I look and then he laughs
and then like I know it's, that's my cue to go in there.
It's okay to play.
- [Chris] So you've learned to read his
non-verbal cues over the years?
(Darius hums)
- Well, his non-verbal cues.
It's a guessing game for me and it's like sometime
I just do the process of elimination.
And like he, basically with me, he has to do a lot more work
to get me to understand him.
But I kind of like bringing it out of him though.
- [Chris] When somebody meets Darius for the first time
what do you hope they think?
- That he's awesome (laughs).
- I'll say I don't think about it.
Cause again, my view of it (harmonica chords play)
is like I don't view him as different.
I just, like, recognize his limitations,
I understand his limitations (Darius babbles)
but I really don't treat him-
- When was a little younger I was worried about it.
When people would meet him, what they would think
and how they would accept him.
You know? 'Cause people judge a lot.
Like right now at 18 this is Darius
and he's always (indistinct).
But when he was younger I thought about it like,
"What are they gonna think of Darius?
How are they gonna treat him?"
And one thing that people did when he was younger,
a lot of people do this, they like to,
they'll come up to him and say "Hi, I'm Mary,"
and you know, he would like push them away,
and cause people wanna be nice,
but don't, like, come up to him
and get in his face right away.
You know, a lot of people like to do that
- Yeah, but they don't know though.
- Yeah. A lot of people like to do that
so that's the hard part, 'cause he would like push you away
or something like that.
(Darius and Chris humming)
(Chris stops humming) (Darius stops humming)
- I had a great time spending time with you, Darius.
Thank you for hanging out with me and singing with me.
Your feet smell lovely.
(Darius laughs)
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