When People Keep Letting You Down | Dr. Omar Suleiman
Summary
TLDRIn this speech, the speaker addresses the challenges of maintaining friendships and relationships in the face of betrayal and disappointment. He emphasizes the importance of mixing with people, promoting goodness, and maintaining trust despite hardships. Drawing from the Prophet's teachings and experiences, he encourages patience, integrity, and resilience. The speaker advises against becoming jaded or retaliating with bad behavior, urging listeners to trust in Allah's justice and strive to be a beacon of trustworthiness and kindness, even when others disappoint. Ultimately, he calls for high personal standards and seeking Allah's reward in all interactions.
Takeaways
- 🙌 It's natural to feel jaded after experiencing betrayal and hardship in relationships.
- 🙏 The Prophet Muhammad (Sall alaihi wasallam) emphasized the importance of mixing with people and being patient with their shortcomings.
- 🌟 Injecting excellence, trust, and good language into spaces lacking these qualities is encouraged.
- 💔 Nice and honest people often face disappointment and betrayal, but should strive to remain virtuous.
- 📜 On the Day of Judgment, those who wronged others will have to compensate their victims, possibly losing their good deeds.
- 🤝 The Prophet advised lending one's reputation and name to Allah, letting go of worldly concerns for a greater reward.
- 🛡️ Even in betrayal, one should not retaliate or betray others; uphold a higher standard of integrity.
- 🦸 The Prophet's example teaches not to remind others of past favors done for them, maintaining humility and sincerity.
- 💬 Trustworthy and honest people may become rare, but one should strive to be that dependable person.
- 🌿 Rather than becoming cynical, aim to be the positive change you wish to see, maintaining hope in Allah's reward.
Q & A
What is the main topic addressed in the script?
-The main topic is how to deal with feelings of disappointment and betrayal in relationships and the importance of maintaining integrity and trust despite negative experiences.
What is the advice given to someone who is tired of friendships and relationships?
-The advice is to remember the teaching of the Prophet, who said that mixing with people and enduring the hardships that come with it is better than shunning them. It is important to continue injecting excellence and trust in spaces that lack them, despite past betrayals.
How does the script suggest one should deal with being wronged or betrayed?
-It suggests that one should aim to be the disappointed rather than the disappointing, to not retaliate in kind, and to leave the matter to Allah for justice in the afterlife. One should also strive to maintain integrity and not become like those who have wronged them.
What example does the script give to illustrate the Prophet's trustworthiness?
-The example given is when the Prophet Muhammad, even while his enemies were plotting against him, still returned their entrusted possessions to them before migrating to Medina, demonstrating his unwavering integrity and trustworthiness.
How does the script explain the decline in trustworthiness over time?
-The script notes that as time progresses, it becomes harder to find trustworthy people. The Prophet mentioned that in a group of 100 camels, only one would be suitable for a journey, implying that trustworthy individuals become rarer over time.
What does the script suggest about having expectations of people?
-The script suggests lowering expectations of people to avoid disappointment and instead placing hopes and seeking reward from Allah. This helps to manage the inevitable letdowns that come from human interactions.
How should one respond to insults and harm from others, according to the script?
-One should give their reputation to Allah and not retaliate in kind. This means enduring insults and harm without seeking revenge, trusting that Allah will provide justice.
What analogy does the script use to describe people in a deteriorating society?
-The script uses the analogy of people being like leaves with thorns, meaning that in a deteriorating society, one is likely to get hurt even if they try to avoid trouble.
What is the significance of the Hadith about the 100 camels?
-The Hadith about the 100 camels signifies that finding trustworthy people is rare. It emphasizes the importance of striving to be that one trustworthy individual among many.
What is the ultimate message about dealing with betrayal and maintaining trust?
-The ultimate message is to hold oneself to a higher standard, maintain integrity, and seek Allah's reward and justice. Despite being wronged, one should not become jaded or retaliate but continue to embody trust and righteousness.
Outlines
🤔 Coping with Disappointment and Isolation
The speaker discusses a comment from a listener who is tired of friendships and social interactions due to past betrayals and disappointments. He refers to a teaching of the Prophet, highlighting that engaging with people and facing hardships is better than avoiding them. The focus is on bringing positive qualities to environments lacking them, and the challenges nice and honest people face.
😟 Facing Betrayal and Maintaining Integrity
The speaker reflects on the inevitability of being wronged and emphasizes the importance of not retaliating in kind. He shares a narration about a time when trust was common but has now diminished. The speaker advises lending one’s name and reputation to Allah, highlighting the concept of being wronged yet maintaining integrity and the ultimate reckoning on the Day of Judgment.
🚶♂️ Striving to Be Trustworthy Despite Challenges
The speaker discusses how trust and integrity have deteriorated over time. He emphasizes the importance of maintaining trustworthiness and good character, even when others do not. He shares examples from the Prophet’s life, who remained trustworthy even when others betrayed him. The message is to uphold a higher standard of behavior regardless of others' actions.
💪 Overcoming Hurt and Setting a Higher Standard
The speaker encourages people to not let past hurts lead them to treat others poorly. He stresses that while it is natural to be cautious after being wronged, one should aim to be the change they want to see in the world. He advises placing hopes in Allah's reward and maintaining integrity. He ends with a prayer for strength and righteous companions.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Friendships
💡Betrayal
💡Trust
💡Prophet Muhammad
💡Hardship
💡Patience
💡Integrity
💡Justice
💡Day of Judgment
💡Forgiveness
Highlights
A brother questioned the need for friendships due to past betrayals and feeling jaded.
Prophet's teaching: Mixing with people and tolerating hardships is better than shunning them.
Emphasizes bringing excellence, trust, and good language into spaces lacking these qualities.
Prophet's example: No one tolerated more abuse than the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W).
Important lesson: Be patient with people and maintain good character despite being wronged.
Illustration of the Prophet's patience and his refusal to betray others even when betrayed.
Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) never reminded others of his past favors to them.
Importance of maintaining trustworthiness and integrity, even in adverse situations.
The analogy of 100 camels: Only one in a hundred people are reliable, emphasizing the rarity of trustworthy individuals.
Advocates for being the one trustworthy person despite widespread untrustworthiness.
Avoid punishing others due to the pain inflicted on you; strive to maintain good character.
Seek justice appropriately but turn to Allah for recompense when wronged without recourse.
Lower expectations in people and place hopes in Allah's reward.
Encourages giving one's reputation and name to Allah, focusing on His judgment rather than people's opinions.
Advises seeking forgiveness from Allah when wronged and maintaining a higher standard of behavior.
Transcripts
dear brothers and sisters last week in
the uh first I spoke about this concept
of friends and I got a comment after
from a brother he said well what if I
just don't want any friends what if I'm
just tired of being around people and at
this point in my life I've been through
so many friendships so many
relationships where I always feel like
I'm the one that's giving more or I
always feel like it ends up in some sort
of betrayal someone Tak taking advantage
of me and at this point I'm just sick of
people and it reminded me instantly of
aith of the
Prophet that the one who mixes with the
people and encounters what naturally is
some of the hardship that comes when you
deal with people is better than the one
who shuns the people and does not
tolerate what comes from them is not
patient with the hardship that comes
from them and that
obviously is speaking about encountering
people and mixing with the people in a
healthy way injecting injecting
excellence in spaces that lack
Excellence injecting trust in spaces
that have been poisoned by betrayal
bringing good language to places where
foul language is normal bringing Allah's
remembrance to places where he is not
remembered all of these things is what
is being spoken about and obviously no
one tolerated more abuse than the
prophet Sall alaihi wasallam despite who
he
was right nice people generally get
taken advantage of honest people
generally end up in situations that they
regret and so a question comes up you
know what am I supposed to do what am I
supposed to do I have gotten to a
certain age in my life you they talk
about the innocence of someone who's
Young by the time you've gone through
enough business Partnerships and
relationships and friendships you're
just done you become a very jaded person
and of course with some may Allah
subhana T help them that's even
marriages right betrayal and marriages
and hardship that comes through that may
Allah subhana wa tala ease that pain and
and allow us to have healthier marriages
without betrayal and infidelity and some
of the things that people encounter
despite doing everything they're
supposed to do in a marriage so it it
can leave you as a very jaded person so
where do we go from here and I want to
actually reflect on some of the
analogies from the prophet and his
companions and then what that means
means for us something constructive in a
few minutes I found a beautiful
narration
from he said that I remember living
amongst people and they were like leaves
with no Thorns meaning you walk around
and you don't have to worry about
something pricking you right I lived
amongst honest people I know what it was
like to be in a generation of honest
God-fearing people he
said and then I saw saw it change
completely where there are thorns
everywhere and I don't see just innocent
leaves I'm going to get pricked right
and left even if I'm not doing anything
he said
uh which my translation would be the
best thing if you mess with them they'll
mess with you too okay if you if you if
you kind of agitate or if you criticize
or if you give advice it'll come back
towards you as
well but the problem is that if you
leave people alone they won't leave you
alone so you can you know get in the
game basically and you can muscle your
way through the way that people deal
with each other and you're not going to
come out clean right they're going to
get right back at you even if you're not
a just in general it's going to be tough
or even if you leave people alone they
will not leave you alone right you don't
get involved in any trouble you don't do
anything to agitate or to aggravate you
just keep to yourself and still people
are going to talk about you still people
are going to mess with you still people
are going to make claims about you
you're still going to find yourself in a
mess because people have become
collectively Messier and so they said
to
okay what are we supposed to do when
that time
comes he said loan them your name
for a day in which you will be
impoverished you'll be in poverty loan
them your name let them have it let them
speak about you let them say things
about you let them you know take shots
at you let them
prick because there will come a day of
poverty the prophet Sall wasallam
mentioned that that those people that
have a lot will have such little on the
day of judgment except for those of
course who were people of Charity and
goodness and the prophet s mentioned Al
a bankrupt person on the day of judgment
some people will show up on the day of
judgment with Salah with prayer with
fasting with all types of good deeds and
it will all go away in front of their
eyes cuz it's a credit card all these
people that you
hurt they're all going to line up one by
one and take your good deeds until
you're left with nothing may Allah
subhana protect us from being amongst
them and a person says Allah I I have
nothing left now you go into debt on the
day of judgment people will come and put
their sins on you because you have no
more Good Deeds for them it's a
terrifying situation so was saying to
his students he's saying listen just let
them have at it but know that there will
come a day that you'll get it back it'll
be paid back to you the prophet Salli
wasallam also spoke to this idea of the
quality of
people sort of deteriorating when he
said
Prophet said people are like a set of
100 camels out of a 100 you'll only find
one that's good for a journey and if you
think about people you can only rely on
one person out of 100 now of course as
time goes on trust Withers Integrity
Withers people will constantly
disappoint you the point is to be the
disappointed and not the disappointing
people will constantly wrong you the
point is to be the one who is not the
one who's killed not killing the one who
is wronged not wronging because if you
wrong someone your price to pay is on
the day of judgment if you are wronged
that doesn't mean we tolerate an
atmosphere of an atmosphere of
wrongdoing that doesn't mean that we
turn a blind eye to Justice and tell
people be patient when they're being
wronged that means that for ourselves in
these natural situations we'd rather be
on the side of being harmed rather than
harming because Allah subh compensates
and Allah subhana prosecutes on the day
of judgment right so you can only find
one out of 100 that's suitable for a
journey and it's to the point
that when he's talking about the loss of
the loss of trust in particular over
time he said there will come a time on
this
Earth that people will have such a hard
time finding a trustworthy person a
person of am a person of trust that
they'll start to say somewhere over
there in in this city in this in this
town There's a trustworthy person so
whether it's in business or whatever it
may be like you go over there and you'll
find someone despite the overall
increase in population there are more
Muslims around but there are less
trustworthy people so you got to go find
them and it becomes uh it becomes a
thing it becomes a
rare you know a rare prize to the one
who is able to find someone that's
trustworthy how many times times do you
engage in business how many times do you
do something with another Muslim and you
think mashallah this is going to go
great two years later you're in front of
our
offices asking for help because that
person flipped on you right took
advantage of you wronged you it's sad it
is a very sad situation and the prophet
Salli wasallam gave us
instructions first and foremost through
his own
behavior and I want you to think about
being jaded how a person can get to a
point where they're jaded and just
disappointed because they're constantly
let down when stood up on a Safa and the
prophet s alaihi wasallam said look if I
was to tell you people that there is an
army coming from the other side we all
know this Hadith they'd say what of
course you're a we believe you for 40
years wasam was their am and he
continued to
be throughout the entirety of his life
for 40 years you trusted me for 40 years
I helped you out for 40 years I was
there for you and then they act like
they don't know him you know it's very
interesting Subhan Allah one of my my
teachers in s he said there is not a
single narration of the Prophet sallai
wasallam reminding individually someone
from the days of ignorance about some
good that he did for
them meaning like hey remember I
remember you you know pointing to
someone I remember when you were going
through this I was the one that loaned
you money
the prophet used to get people out of
debt remember when you were in hardship
I was the one that you came and talked
to remember when you needed this I was
the one that did this
because don't be that person that
negates their charity by what remember
when I got you remember this and
remember that no when the prophet s
wasallam helped people he helped them
because of who he was not because of who
they were so even after Islam when they
turned their backs on him do you know
how many nasty Secrets the prophet s
could have probably brought out from
those people you know how he probably
could have humiliated Abu jahal and ABAB
and some of those people by mentioning
some things that he surely knew from the
past you know how he could have put some
people down and say remember when I did
this for you you were nobody and I was
there for you and everyone's taking
their shots at the prophet Sall alaihi
wasallam now he didn't do it why he set
a different standard for
himself Prophet said when someone
entrusts you with something then fulfill
their
trust don't betray those who betray you
don't act in like manner with people
that act in a certain way with you if
you need to end that relationship end it
we talked about that last week but don't
become that person don't justify your
own bad behavior by that person's bad
behavior towards you and that's why
Subhan Allah even in the hij I mean I
know we say this but imagine they're
trying to kill the prophet s alaihi
wasallam but at the same time they're
storing their amanat with him they're
storing their trusts with him the same
people that are plotting a plot to take
him out have their most precious
possessions with him because they know
that even in those circumstances no
one's more trustworthy than him what did
the prophet s wasam do did he say you
know what since you're kicking me out of
meca I'm going to take this with me to
Madina no he leaves behind and he says
go return this to this person go return
this to this person go return this to
this person and risk your life in the
process by the way because we hold
ourselves to a different standard I'm
not going to become like that person I'm
not going to become like that standard
I'm not going to subject myself to
that Rose above it not just after Islam
but even before
it and that's from
his and the prophet s wasallam
understands that it's only natural that
as time goes on look you can you can get
to a point where you're just sick of
people where you start to act towards
people even unintentionally sometimes
with a new meanness and a crudeness and
a harshness
and a suspicion because of what was done
to you and we learned from the prophet s
alaihi wasallam that don't punish people
with the pain that was inflicted on you
it's not fair it's not fair you know
Subhan Allah sometimes people become
monsters in society and what's the first
excuse especially you know if if the
person fits a certain profile well when
they were kids and this and this
happened that doesn't excuse anything no
one carries the burden of another person
you don't get to inflict pain on someone
else because it was inflicted on you
that's not the way that this works
there are ways to seek Justice and Islam
has mechanisms of Justice we're not a
religion that says Overlook justice but
at the same time when there is an
inevitable wrongdoing that has no
recourse in this life we turn to Allah
subhanahu wa'ta'ala and we seek it in
the next life so don't punish people
with the pain that was inflicted on you
also seek to be the difference that you
want to see in people around you when
you read the Hadith of the 100 camels
tell yourself I'm going to be the one
camel I don't just read that and say
yeah you
know and indeed we say that but most
people I meet are very messed up people
99 out of 100 right no say what does it
take to be the one out of the out of the
100 because the prophet
said every generation of my um has
people that that lead the way not just
in as well and character as well they
refuse to succumb to nastiness and the
practices and things that have become
acceptable amongst the people they just
don't do it so I'll be the Dependable
friend I'll be the one that's
trustworthy even if that's going to cost
me something of this D I'll be that
person but I won't lose my I won't lose
my Hereafter and hopefully I will seek
something from the sight of Allah subhah
wa tala in the process also Subhan Allah
sometimes we penalize people in our
lives that come afterwards that may be
just as honest as us or better than us
we we all see ourselves as the good
people right so just make that
assumption that if I'm not the person
that's wrong wronging and I've been the
one that's wrong sometimes other people
come up in in our Liv and and we don't
treat them right because I can't trust
again I don't know if I can love again I
don't know if I can move on from this I
don't know if I can establish a
friendship again let me say that that is
natural Allah does not burden a person
beyond their scope it is natural that
when you've been betrayed when you've
been wronged when you've been
disappointed when you've been it takes
time to build that however don't
preclude the
possibility's loving relationship with
the ANS after the Betrayal of his own
people that's something and yes he's
wasallam and that standard is there but
you know what we aim for that standard
it's possible Right Allah took away from
the prophet s wasallam through the
process of this criteria that came with
the religion his uncles but he got
abak right he got people
like he got others sallallahu alaihi
wasallam that Allah put in his path as a
result also lower your expectations in
people as a whole and place your hopes
in the reward of Allah subhana wa tala
there are going to be times that people
are going to let you down we as
Muslims I mean that was the the the
Acumen the the way that we approach the
prophet S wasallam I took with the
prophet Salli wasallam on the basis I
will never ask people for anything I'm
going to try to be the person that helps
people I'm going to try to be the upper
hand I'm going to try to be the person
that puts themselves in a situation
where they lift people up out of their
vulnerability rather than ending up in
too much vulnerability myself I'm going
to try to be a person that helps others
that tries to set the standard try to
not be in that situation where you will
have these expectations of people they
will disappoint you place your hopes in
the reward from Allah subhana and I end
with the reput with the saying
of about particularly reputation
and name he continues and he
says he said you give your name to Allah
subh give your give yourself to Allah
subhana tala give your reputation give
your name to Allah subhana wa tala so if
someone after that comes and they insult
you and they say things about you or
they hurt you or they whatever it is
give that to Allah subhah wa tala right
does that mean again that you can tell
someone who's being harmed seek it in
the no you try to help that person
because that's the point right they
shouldn't have to ask for recourse for
themselves you set up systems and
Community Systems of Justice where those
that are wronged don't have to sit on
the sideline and just look towards the
Allah will fill in the Gap but when it's
you and a person goes through these
inevitable things in life you know what
I'm going to leave it to Allah subhana
and the ending of
this if you did wrong then seek
forgiveness from
Allah don't justify and say everybody's
dirty I'm going to jump into it myself
no hold yourself to that higher
standard when you mess up seek
forgiveness from Allah subhah wa taala
may Allah subhah wa tala allow us to
hold ourselves to a higher standard may
Allah subhanahu wa taala allow us to be
rewarded on the day of judgment and may
Allah subhana wa tala bless us with
righteous companions righteous people in
this life that will encourage us to do
good and may Allah subhana allow us to
pass through the tests in which our
integrity is put on the line may Allah
subhana wa tala allow our Dean and our
character to remain intact with whatever
it is that comes towards us in this
life
[Music]
for for
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