How A Lack Of Confidence Leads To The Friendzone | Episode 015 Video Game Addiction

Summary

The video script discusses the authenticity of online relationships and how they shape gamers' expectations and confidence in real life. It highlights the tendency of gamers to 'give to get' in romantic pursuits, leading to resentment and toxicity when their efforts are not reciprocated. The script emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, honest communication, and building confidence to avoid these unhealthy patterns and foster genuine connections.

Takeaways

• 🌐 Internet-formed relationships are considered authentic and can shape gamers' comfort levels in the digital space.
• 🔍 Gamers may feel judged in the real world based on appearance, wealth, or race, which can be uncomfortable after being accustomed to online anonymity.
• 💔 Lack of online friends can lead to gamers feeling scrutinized and judged, which can impact their confidence in real-world interactions.
• 🎮 Gamers often feel more confident behind a computer screen than in real life, which can affect their ability to form romantic relationships.
• 🤝 Gamers may adopt a 'giving to get' mentality in relationships, doing favors and kindnesses with the expectation of reciprocation.
• 🚫 The 'giving to get' approach can backfire, leading to resentment when the desired outcome, such as a romantic relationship, is not achieved.
• 💔 Rejection after significant investment in a relationship can be particularly painful and can damage a gamer's self-confidence.
• 🔄 Repeated rejection can lead to a pattern of increased investment in hopes of avoiding rejection, which is counterproductive.
• 🚫 The resentment from unrequited investment can foster negative attitudes towards women and contribute to online toxicity.
• ❓ It's important for gamers to question their motivations for giving and whether they are doing so with the expectation of getting something in return.
• 💡 Honesty and clear communication about feelings from the beginning of a relationship can prevent misunderstandings and emotional investment without reciprocation.

Q & A

What is the main concern discussed in the script regarding online relationships formed by gamers?

The script discusses the authenticity of online relationships formed by gamers and how these relationships can shape their comfort levels and expectations in the real world. It highlights the potential discomfort and lack of confidence gamers may experience when transitioning from online interactions to face-to-face relationships.

Why do gamers often feel judged in the real world?

Gamers often feel judged in the real world because they are used to being seen for who they are online, without being judged based on their appearance, wealth, or race. This contrast can lead to feelings of discomfort and a sense of being scrutinized when they interact with others in person.

What is the 'giving to get' pattern described in the script?

The 'giving to get' pattern refers to the behavior of gamers who invest time, effort, and resources into a relationship with the hope of receiving something in return, such as romantic interest. This pattern often involves doing things for someone without explicitly expressing romantic intentions, which can lead to misunderstandings and resentment.

Why does the 'giving to get' pattern often end poorly for gamers?

This pattern often ends poorly because the person receiving the kindness may not be aware of the gamer's romantic intentions. As a result, they may not reciprocate in the way the gamer hopes, leading to feelings of resentment and disappointment. This can also affect the gamer's confidence and their approach to future relationships.

What is the potential impact of the 'giving to get' pattern on a gamer's self-confidence?

The 'giving to get' pattern can significantly impact a gamer's self-confidence. Rejection after investing heavily in a relationship can lead to feelings of betrayal and regret, which can further decrease their confidence in approaching future romantic interests.

How does the script suggest gamers can improve their confidence in real-world relationships?

The script suggests that gamers should work on their confidence by being honest with themselves and others about their feelings and intentions from the beginning. It also implies that focusing on building genuine connections rather than expecting something in return can help improve their confidence.

What is the role of self-awareness in avoiding the 'giving to get' pattern?

Self-awareness is crucial in recognizing whether one is engaging in the 'giving to get' pattern. Gamers should reflect on their motivations for being kind or helpful to others and whether they are doing so with the expectation of receiving something in return.

Why is it important for gamers to be clear about their intentions in relationships?

Being clear about intentions is important to avoid misunderstandings and to ensure that both parties in a relationship have the same expectations. This can prevent feelings of resentment and disappointment that can arise from unmet expectations.

What are some strategies gamers can use to build confidence in real-world interactions?

Strategies include practicing self-awareness, setting realistic expectations, and engaging in activities that boost self-esteem. Additionally, gamers can benefit from seeking support from friends or professionals to help them navigate real-world relationships more confidently.

How can gamers avoid the cycle of resentment and disappointment in relationships?

Gamers can avoid this cycle by being upfront about their intentions, managing their expectations, and not investing in relationships with the sole purpose of receiving something in return. Developing a genuine interest in others and valuing relationships for their own sake can also help.

Outlines

00:00

🎮 The Authenticity of Online Relationships and Gamers' Real-World Challenges

This paragraph discusses the authenticity of relationships formed online and how they shape gamers' comfort levels. It highlights that gamers, accustomed to being judged by their online personas rather than physical attributes or wealth, can struggle with real-world interactions where they face judgment based on appearance and other superficial factors. The speaker notes that the more time spent online, the less confident gamers become in the real world, which can affect their ability to form romantic relationships. The paragraph also touches on the tendency of gamers to 'give to get' in relationships, where they invest time and resources hoping to level the playing field and win affection, which often leads to resentment and unrequited feelings.

05:02

💔 The Consequences of 'Giving to Get' and Building Resentment in Gamers' Relationships

The second paragraph delves into the negative consequences of the 'giving to get' mentality, which can lead to resentment and anger when expectations are not met. It describes how gamers, after investing time and effort into a relationship with the hope of a romantic outcome, may feel betrayed and regretful when they are rejected, especially after doing so much for the person they are interested in. This pattern can result in a cycle of repeated investment and rejection, further damaging self-confidence and potentially leading to toxic behaviors online, such as misogyny and resentment towards women. The speaker advises gamers to be honest with themselves and others about their intentions and feelings from the beginning, and to work on building confidence rather than relying on excessive giving as a means to secure a relationship.

Keywords

💡Authenticity

Authenticity refers to the quality of being genuine, real, and not false or imitation. In the context of the video, it is used to describe the nature of relationships formed through the internet, which are considered to be true and based on the individual's personality rather than superficial qualities. The speaker mentions that these relationships are 'really authentic' and 'amazing,' highlighting the importance of forming connections that are not based on appearance or material wealth.

💡Confidence

Confidence is a belief in one's own abilities, qualities, and judgment. In the video, it is discussed in relation to how gamers can feel more confident behind a computer screen than in real-world interactions. The lack of confidence can lead to a pattern of 'giving to get,' where gamers invest time and resources hoping to gain affection in return. The script uses the phrase 'lose confidence in who they are as a person' to illustrate how the online environment can affect self-esteem in real-life scenarios.

💡Scrutiny

Scrutiny is the act of examining something in detail, often critically. The video script talks about how gamers, accustomed to the anonymity of the internet, may feel uncomfortable and judged when exposed to real-world scrutiny based on appearance, wealth, or other superficial factors. The term is used to convey the discomfort and judgment that can arise in social situations, contrasting with the acceptance often found in online communities.

💡Investment

In the video, investment is used metaphorically to describe the time, effort, and resources a person puts into a relationship with the expectation of receiving something in return. The script describes how gamers may 'invest' in a romantic interest by doing favors and showing kindness, hoping that this will lead to a romantic relationship. The term is used to highlight the potential for resentment and regret when these investments do not yield the desired outcome.

💡Rejection

Rejection is the act of refusing to accept, consider, or approve something. The video discusses the pain of rejection in the context of romantic relationships, particularly when a gamer has invested heavily in a relationship with the hope of it becoming romantic, only to be told, 'I think of you like a friend.' The script uses rejection to illustrate the emotional consequences of the 'giving to get' pattern and its impact on self-confidence.

💡Toxicity

Toxicity in this context refers to harmful or detrimental behavior, attitudes, or environments. The video script connects the pattern of 'giving to get' with feelings of resentment and hatred towards women, which can contribute to online toxicity. The term is used to describe the negative outcomes of unrequited investment in relationships and the emotional backlash that can result from perceived betrayal.

💡Betrayal

Betrayal is the act of breaking a trust or promise. In the video, the term is used to describe the feeling of gamers when their investments in a relationship are not reciprocated as they had hoped. The script mentions 'a sense of betrayal' to convey the emotional pain that can arise when someone feels they have been led on or misled about the nature of a relationship.

💡Romantic Relationships

Romantic relationships are intimate connections between individuals that involve emotional and often physical closeness. The video script discusses the challenges gamers face in forming and maintaining romantic relationships due to their online habits and lack of confidence. The term is central to the video's theme, as it explores how the dynamics of online interactions can affect one's approach to and experiences with romantic relationships in the real world.

💡Entitlement

Entitlement is the belief that one has a right to something, often without considering the needs or rights of others. The video script uses the term to describe how gamers may feel entitled to a romantic relationship after investing time and resources into someone, even if that investment was not explicitly communicated as a bid for romance. The term helps to illustrate the potential for misunderstanding and resentment in relationships.

💡Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is the trust in one's own abilities and judgment. The video script suggests that working on self-confidence is a solution to the pattern of 'giving to get' in relationships. It is mentioned as a key factor in overcoming the fear of rejection and in approaching romantic interests directly, rather than through indirect investments of kindness and resources.

Highlights

Online relationships are authentic and can shape gamers' comfort with self-representation without physical appearance or societal status.

Gamers may feel judged in the real world based on appearance and other qualities, leading to discomfort and loss of confidence.

The transition from online to real-world interactions can be challenging for gamers due to the difference in social dynamics.

Gamers often invest time and resources into relationships with the expectation of a romantic return, which can lead to resentment.

Lack of confidence can cause gamers to 'give to get' in relationships, performing acts of kindness with the hidden motive of winning affection.

The pattern of giving with the expectation of receiving can result in feelings of betrayal when the desired outcome is not achieved.

Gamers may experience a cycle of investment and rejection, which diminishes their self-confidence and increases the likelihood of repeating the pattern.

The resentment from unrequited investment can lead to anger and contribute to online toxicity, particularly towards women.

The transcript suggests that gamers should be aware of their motivations in relationships and avoid the 'giving to get' mentality.

It is important for gamers to be honest with themselves and others about their feelings and intentions from the beginning of a relationship.

Confidence plays a significant role in how gamers approach relationships, and building self-confidence is suggested as a solution to the 'giving to get' pattern.

The transcript discusses the negative impact of repeated rejections on gamers' self-esteem and their approach to future relationships.

Gamers are advised to reassess their behaviors and consider whether they are giving out of genuine kindness or with an expectation of return.

The transcript emphasizes the importance of clear communication and setting proper expectations in relationships to avoid misunderstandings.

Gamers are encouraged to work on their self-confidence to overcome the fear of rejection and to approach relationships with authenticity.

The transcript highlights the potential for a vicious cycle of investment, rejection, and resentment, and the need to break this cycle for healthier relationships.

The discussion points towards the need for self-reflection among gamers to understand their relationship patterns and make necessary changes.

Transcripts

we talked a little bit about how

relationships that are formed through

the internet are actually really

authentic and I think that that's an a

really amazing thing but it also shapes

what gamers become comfortable with

since they're used to being kind of seen

for themselves and not judged based on

their appearance or how much money they

have or the color of their skin when

they do move out into the real world

they start to get exposed based on those

qualities and they can feel like they

get judged very easily and that can

become really problematic so a lot of

times when people you know when people

don't have a lot of friends online they

get used to kind of moving into a into a

public area and being kind of

scrutinized by other people and you kind

of get used to that scrutinize ation and

that judgment I think what happens with

gamers is since they spend so much time

online that scrutiny starts to become

really uncomfortable for them and they

start to lose confidence in who they are

as a person and I know that I mean we've

talked a little bit earlier but I know

that a lot of you guys have trouble

moving with confidence in the real world

whereas you feel so much more

comfortable and so much more confident

when you're behind a computer screen and

so the more time you spend behind a

computer screen the less confident you

become in the real world and that can

really cause problems for relationships

especially romantic relationships and

one of the biggest problems that gamers

have with romantic relationships is that

they're they're gamers tend to give in

order to get and I'll explain what I

mean by that

so let's say that you're you're a gamer

and you know you spend a lot of time

online and then you're also a college

student and you meet a girl and you

think she's cute and you like her but

since you kind of don't have confidence

you sort of feel like oh you know you're

not as attractive as some of the other

dudes in the college or you don't have

quite as much money or you don't dress

as nice and so you kind of see these

deficiencies in yourself and you're

attracted to this girl so what do you do

as a gamer you end up trying to level

that playing field in your mind when

you're dealing with the girl you tend to

think

oh I I mean she's not gonna if I ask her

out she's gonna say no so what I need to

do is I need to get her to like me more

so that when I ask her out she's gonna

say yes so then what happens is a gamer

usually starts out sort of being

friendly right he doesn't ask her out at

the beginning but you start hanging out

with her and then you start doing stuff

for her like if she needs a ride because

it's raining or something like that you

give her a ride when she has trouble

like studying for things you tutor her

you buy her meals you start to be like

her this really nice guy and you start

to do things because you don't feel

confident enough to ask her out you

start to do things for her and all the

while in your mind this is towards this

goal of getting her to like you and so

you're investing all of this stuff into

this relationship with the hope that

you're gonna get something out of it and

so the help that you give her the kind

of kindness that you show her has this

ulterior motive and if you guys are

really honest with yourselves you'll see

that that's the case of getting

something back and what happens then she

ends up dating someone else and then you

resent that guy right and then she calls

you up one night and she's like oh like

the guy that I'm dating he's such an

and then you listen to her talk about

her boyfriend problems and then this

thought pops up in your mind well all of

those things that are wrong with him are

right with me I wouldn't treat you like

that I treat you like gold I'd respect

you and you start to think that how can

she not see that I'm the perfect person

because I do all of this stuff for her

and her boyfriend doesn't and so

then what happens is at some point all

of this stuff that you've invested in

the relationship and everything that

that you kind of put into this

relationship all of the sacrifices

you've made for her we're kind of

building up building up building up and

then you want something in return and

then what happens is is you ask her out

right you finally like you reach this

point where you can't take it anymore

and you ask her out and then what does

she do she says no I think of you like a

friend right that's the line I think of

you like a friend and this pisses gamers

off to no end it pisses the out of

you right because like you've been

friends

and you guys hate that and why is that

so resentful it's because you never

wanted to be friends owned and you

invested so much into this relationship

because you would you were afraid that

she was gonna turn you down at the

beginning and then you invest all of

this time in this effort in this money

into getting her to like you and then

she rejects you and that rejection is so

much more painful because you've

invested so much you spent the last year

of your life taking care of this girl

and then she turns you down and then

that makes you really really angry hurts

your self-confidence causes a lot of

gamers to be really resentful towards

women and causes a lot of the toxicity

that we see online in that toxicity that

hatred of women comes from a sense of

betrayal and a sense of regret in a

sense of like an investment that you've

lost and so that's really really toxic

and really dangerous and the worst thing

about that is after this happens to you

one time you feel less confident in

yourself and it becomes harder to ask

out the next girl so then what happens

is you repeat the whole pattern because

whereas before you know she had a 20%

chance of saying yes if you asked her

out now the next girl has a 10% chance

because you've already been rejected

once and not only were you rejected you

were rejected after you did so much for

that girl so the second time around

you're like okay now I have to do even

more to get her to like me and so the

second time around gamers invest even

more and what you guys do is then you

know you buy her flowers for Valentine's

Day as a friend and when she gets dumped

by her boyfriend and stood up you're

there you're the knight in shining armor

and you do everything for her and so you

invest and invest and invest in this

relationship but you're investing in it

with sort of the idea of her being your

girlfriend but you never make that clear

to her and so she kind of thinks of you

as a friend because you actually don't

ask her out at the beginning right

you're just like this nice guy and you

want her to see your value and so that's

really dangerous because you have to be

careful about whether you're someone who

gives to get and if you're giving to get

something in return

chances are that's gonna end poorly and

you're gonna resent that person for it

because in a sense they don't know

what you're doing right they just think

that you're a nice guy and that doesn't

entitle you to anything but it makes you

feel entitled because in your mind it's

an investment and you're looking at for

a return if you're doing something out

of the kindness of your heart that's

fine but if you're really doing

something out of kind the kindness of

your heart you shouldn't be expecting

something in return so one of the most

dangerous patterns that gamers can fall

into is this pattern of giving to get

and take a look at your interactions

with women and see if that's actually

what you do why are you so nice to them

to begin with why do you buy them dinner

and buy them gifts and spend so much

time like finding this perfect piece of

jewelry for a female friend of yours

it's because you've got feelings for her

if you've got feelings for her why don't

you ask her out it's because you're

terrified she's gonna say no and since

you're terrified you invest all this

stuff but that just leads to regret and

it turns into hatred and over time the

more that this happens and I've seen

this happen with a lot of you guys

several times each time it happens it

gets a little bit worse and a little bit

worse and a little bit worse and then

it's just really catastrophic so one of

the things that you guys have to

understand about relationships is be

honest with yourself about with a way

that you feel towards another person and

be honest with them and do it from the

get-go if they're gonna reject you they

may reject you and that's okay but the

chances that you know you invest

something and then magically they're

gonna wake up one day and love you are

actually really small and I know it's

painful to think about but see if you

fall into this pattern are you someone

who gives to get and if you are does

that have to do with confidence and if

it does have to do with confidence the

solution is not to give more the

solution is to work on your confidence

and a little bit later we'll talk about

how to do that