#PSY|面對渣男一類人要特別小心!辨識世紀賤男的心理形成!|#五分鐘心理學
Summary
TLDRThis video explores the psychological makeup of 'bad boys' and why they can be attractive, focusing on evolutionary psychology and the Dark Triad traits. It discusses how narcissism and a sense of entitlement can be appealing, while also highlighting the risks for those with anxious attachment styles. The video aims to educate viewers on recognizing and protecting themselves from potentially harmful relationships.
Takeaways
- 😀 The video discusses the psychological structure and formation of 'bad boys' and advises on how to protect oneself from them.
- 👤 The concept of 'bad boys' is not gender discriminatory; the focus is on male perspectives due to different mate selection criteria in men and women.
- 🧬 Evolutionary psychology plays a role in understanding the different reproductive strategies of men and women, which can influence their behaviors in relationships.
- 💪 Men are often portrayed as having a 'come-one-come-all' attitude due to the lower biological cost of reproduction compared to women.
- 🤔 The script challenges the notion that women want to 'tame' a 'bad boy', suggesting it may stem from a desire for a strong, resourceful partner.
- 📊 The 'Dark Triad' of personality traits (Machiavellianism, Narcissism, and Psychopathy) is used to understand the appeal of certain men who may be perceived as 'bad boys'.
- 💡 Narcissism, one of the Dark Triad traits, is associated with a sense of entitlement and proactive behavior, which can be attractive on the surface.
- 🔮 The script suggests that a healthy self-esteem and narcissism can be closely related, but the latter can lead to manipulative and exploitative behaviors.
- 🚫 The video warns against the potential for individuals with dark personalities to be good at short-term relationships but poor at maintaining long-term ones.
- 👀 It highlights the importance of recognizing and managing one's 'dark side' as a sign of maturity, rather than being dominated by it.
- 💔 Anxious attachment style individuals are particularly vulnerable to 'bad boys' due to their heightened fear of abandonment and need for constant reassurance.
Q & A
What is the main topic of the video script?
-The main topic of the video script is the psychological structure and formation of 'bad boys' or 'cad men', and how certain individuals can protect themselves from such personalities.
Why does the script focus more on 'cad men' rather than 'cad women'?
-The script focuses on 'cad men' because it is primarily aimed at a female audience, and it discusses the different mate selection criteria and pressures that men and women face due to evolutionary psychology.
What is Evolutionary Psychology and how does it relate to the discussion of 'cad men'?
-Evolutionary Psychology is a branch of psychology that explores how evolutionary pressures, such as survival and reproduction, influence human psychological states and structures. It relates to 'cad men' by explaining the different reproductive strategies men and women might adopt due to the different costs they bear in reproduction.
What are the typical traits of men that are considered attractive according to the script?
-According to the script, men who are considered attractive typically possess resources and are generous, as these traits indicate the ability and willingness to provide for a partner.
What is the 'Dark Triad' in psychology and how is it connected to the concept of 'cad men'?
-The 'Dark Triad' in psychology refers to three personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. It is connected to 'cad men' as these traits can contribute to manipulative and exploitative behaviors in relationships.
Why might some women be initially attracted to narcissistic men?
-Some women might be initially attracted to narcissistic men because of their sense of entitlement and proactive behavior, which can be perceived as confidence and assertiveness.
What is the difference between a healthy self-esteem and narcissism as discussed in the script?
-A healthy self-esteem involves respecting one's own needs and expressing desires, whereas narcissism is characterized by an exaggerated sense of entitlement and a belief of superiority, often leading to exploitative behaviors.
What is the 'Behavioral Inhibition System' and how does it relate to the victims of 'cad men'?
-The 'Behavioral Inhibition System' (BIS) is a psychological mechanism that prompts avoidance of potential threats or negative outcomes. It relates to the victims of 'cad men' as individuals with a strong BIS might be more anxious and fearful of abandonment, making them susceptible to manipulation.
Why are individuals with an Anxious Attachment style particularly vulnerable in relationships with 'cad men'?
-Individuals with an Anxious Attachment style are vulnerable because they fear abandonment and may tolerate poor treatment or become overly accommodating in relationships to avoid their anxiety, which 'cad men' can exploit.
What advice does the script offer for individuals who find themselves in a relationship with a 'cad man'?
-The script advises individuals to be self-aware and to question their motivations for staying in a relationship. If the primary reason for continuing the relationship is to avoid fear and anxiety, it suggests that they should consider leaving the relationship.
How can the audience apply psychological knowledge to their love lives as suggested by the script?
-The audience can apply psychological knowledge to their love lives by understanding the psychological traits and behaviors associated with 'cad men', recognizing their own attachment styles, and using insights from the script to make healthier relationship choices.
Outlines
😀 Introduction to 'Player' Psychology and Gender Dynamics
The video begins by addressing the stereotype that 'men are not bad, women don't love' and delves deeper into the psychological structure and formation of 'player' men. The host, Peter, introduces the concept of evolutionary psychology, which explores how evolutionary pressures like 'survival of the fittest' affect human psychology. He explains the different reproductive costs for men and women, suggesting that men can be more promiscuous due to the lack of physical limitations compared to women. The video also touches on the idea that women tend to be more selective in choosing partners who can provide resources, which is linked to attractiveness. The host emphasizes that while these traits might seem positive, they can also lead to 'player' behavior.
😎 Narcissism and the Appeal of 'Player' Men
This paragraph explores why narcissistic men might be attractive to women, focusing on the psychological state of narcissism. It highlights the sense of entitlement that narcissists possess, believing they deserve a lot, which makes them proactive and assertive in pursuing their desires. The video discusses the fine line between healthy self-esteem and narcissism, noting that narcissists often overestimate their abilities and are not afraid to showcase themselves in social settings. The host also mentions that while narcissistic traits can be appealing in the short term, they can be detrimental to long-term relationships due to the individual's self-centeredness and lack of empathy.
🤔 The Evolution of Women's Attraction to 'Player' Men
The video script discusses the idea that young women may be more attracted to men with dark personalities, but this tendency changes as they grow older and gain more life experience. It references a psychologist's view that a complete person needs some dark aspects to face challenges and protect themselves, suggesting that maturity involves understanding and controlling one's dark side. The host criticizes the stereotype that young women are attracted to 'player' men and later seek stability, arguing that it's an oversimplification. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing the difference between genuine dark personality traits and those that are merely a facade of cowardice.
😓 The Vulnerability of Anxious Attachment Styles in Relationships
The final paragraph addresses the vulnerability of individuals with anxious attachment styles in relationships, particularly in relation to 'player' men. It explains that people with anxious attachment styles are afraid of losing their partners and may go to great lengths to avoid abandonment, which can lead to a cycle of manipulation by their partners. The video mentions the behavioral inhibition system and how it can be exploited by those with dark personalities to control and manipulate others. The host warns that relationships based solely on avoiding fear and anxiety are unhealthy and encourages self-awareness and consideration of leaving such relationships.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Evolution Psychology
💡Dark Triad
💡Narcissism
💡Sense of Entitlement
💡Proactive
💡Anxious Attachment Style
💡Behavioral Inhibition System (BIS)
💡Machiavellianism
💡Psychopathy
💡Gaslighting
Highlights
The video discusses the psychological structure and formation of 'scumbags' and who should be particularly cautious of them.
The host, Peter, introduces the concept of evolutionary psychology and how it influences mating strategies and behaviors.
Men are generally more promiscuous due to the lower cost of reproduction, potentially leading to more offspring.
Women are more selective in choosing mates, seeking those who can provide resources and support.
Traits like resourcefulness and generosity are attractive to women, as they signal the ability to provide support.
The idea that men want their partners to be their first, while women hope for their partners to be their last, is explored.
The video addresses the Dark Triad personality traits (Machiavellianism, Narcissism, and Psychopathy) and their relation to attractiveness.
Narcissism, a component of the Dark Triad, is linked to a sense of entitlement and proactive behavior.
Healthy self-esteem is contrasted with narcissism, highlighting the fine line between confidence and arrogance.
The video discusses the challenges of maintaining long-term relationships for those with dark personality traits.
The importance of understanding and controlling one's dark side is emphasized for personal growth and maturity.
Young women are more susceptible to the attraction of dark personalities, but this tendency changes with age and experience.
The concept of 'Anxious Attachment style' is introduced, explaining its characteristics and susceptibility to manipulation.
The Behavioral Inhibition System (BIS) is discussed, explaining its role in relationship anxiety and vulnerability.
The video warns against relationships driven solely by the avoidance of fear and anxiety, suggesting self-awareness and potential departure from such relationships.
The host invites viewers to engage with the MindForest App for further discussions on love and psychology.
Transcripts
各位觀眾大家好
俗語有云 男人不壞, 女人不愛
這條片想再講得深入一點
想跟大家講一下渣男的心理結構和形成
還有究竟什麼人應該要特別小心渣男呢
如果你真是這類人 我們又可以怎樣保護自己呢
如果想知道我們需要留意的是什麼呢
就記得看到最後
如果大家是第一次收睇五分鐘心理學的話
你好 我是主持Peter
在五分鐘心理學中 我們會運用心理學知識
去回應各種社會、生活
以至關係對我們的詰問
使得心理學成為香港人的思想裝備
building resilience for the times
今天的影片講渣男
首先大家可能有第一個問題
究竟這件事是不是性別歧視呢
為什麼只講渣男不講渣女
而的確這條片主力是應該拍給女觀眾去看
原因我不是說世上只有渣男沒有渣女
而是我想跟大家講
就是男跟女擇偶條件有些分別
有機會再探討另一個性別的面向
在心理學上有一個叫做演化心理學Evolution Psychology 的分支
它基本上就是探討演化壓力
就是那種適者生存的壓力
會怎樣影響人的心理狀態和結構
例如繁衍後代這件事
男女各自要付出的代價是很不同的
為什麼男人可以不負責任「𡁻完鬆」
就是因為他們不會經歷懷胎十月
理論上他們可以擁有的後代是可以比女性多很多
甚至之前有一些說法
很多人其實都是成吉思汗的後代
就是因為當他們侵略其他民族的時候
他處處留種
於是很多人都是他的後裔
但是這件事女士是不可能這樣做的
因為她有生理上的限制
如果要最大化
去繁衍自己的基因
男女的策略當然會有一點不同
男士普遍是來者不拒
盡量最大化 發生性行為的機會
反而女性相對是一個比較嚴格篩選的角色
她希望會找到一個持續提供資源的人
她要排除一些不良的特質
只留下一些最強大而且能夠提供資源給自己的男性
這也跟吸引力很有關係
一般來說有資源和大方這兩個男性的特質
對女性來說喜好是挺高的
因為你會見到其實就是滿足兩個元素
第一就是他有能力的
二來願意分一些資源給你
所以這兩個普遍來說是有吸引力的男性特質
各位觀眾會說這樣都不太渣
有能力又願意分享 這些往往是好事來的
我不知道大家有沒有聽過一個說法
就是每一個男人都想對象是他第一個女人
每個女人的想像就希望對象就是他最後一個男人
甚至可能有時他們會有一些想像
就是沒錯 他以前是個渣男
但是假如我可以去收服他就最好了
等我成為他最後一個伴侶
之前在網上聽過一些說法
我認為是有幾分道理的
雖然不是一個科學的實相
為什麼女士很多時候都可能有這種幻想呢
試想想之前那個男士
就是他的繁殖能力
你用最原始的理路去說
是很強的嘛
例如你可以收服他
令他對你一心一意給資源你
然後接著你繁衍出來的後代
就會具有像他那樣的特質
雖然演化心理學這個門派
就一直被說是事後孔明
即我們無辦法做實驗去驗證這個論據
孰真孰假
但其實講法可以說是不無道理
你可以追源到這種心理的形成
為何會這樣
當然有一樣事情我要跟大家講
心理學是一個描述性的descriptive 科學
就是我們形容到的那件事是怎樣
就不代表它應該是這樣的
絕對不是為了出軌去開脫
因為我一向都覺得傷害人和欺騙的事
我們做得越少越好
剛剛講完一些
演化心理學的推論
我們不妨可以看看一些
實證研究 Empirical studies
怎樣去判斷男性的吸引力
在心理學上一個人渣不渣
一般來說會用黑暗人格三角 Dark Triad
這個概念去理解的
我不詳細講因為之前也拍過影片講過黑暗人格三角
但其實你進一步這樣看
黑暗人格三角 Dark Triad裡面一個人格特質
自戀 Narcissism 是跟表面上的吸引力
是有最大的關係
換言之其實女性有一種傾向
是會給一些自戀的男士去吸引的
為什麼自戀的男士在女性眼中來講可能比較吸引呢
我們就要更加深入講解
其實自戀的心理狀態是怎樣一回事
首先自戀的心理狀態
其中一個就是叫權利意識 Sense of entitlement
覺得自己值得擁有很多東西
覺得自己值得擁有很多東西
你自不而言
你就會樂於去爭取自己擁有的東西
換言之其實這種行為
是會令他們更加積極主動的 proactive
和更加勇於去追求
也不會害怕去提出自己的要求
或者不同類型的需要
你會發現健康的心理狀態
和自戀有時候真的是一線之差
一般來說一個健康的人格形成
當然我們是需要尊重自己的需求
也需要說出自己想要什麼
但是你會發現一個很強的權利意識Sense of Entitlement
因為覺得自己值得擁有的心態
其實我們都會做某些行為
很多時候有些事情你願意去爭取
自然大一點機會爭取到
無論是資源甚至性關係都是遵循這個原則
有這個自戀型人格的人
對於自己能力的評價是非常高
他會有一個信念 自己是優勝過其他普通人
不管他們的實力如何
你會見在一個社交場合或者對人的場合
他都是很不害怕展示自己認為很有料子的一面
當然他有沒有真材實料那個就是後話
但至少他不介意展示那一面
就算他沒有什麼內涵 在表面上
可能我們都會覺得他是一個很有能力和權力的人
你會不會發覺這些自戀特質
就像剛剛說的其實正常健康的人格和自戀
有時候都真的是一線之差而已
就是例如什麼叫自信、自戀、自大
其實很多時候是視乎你的程度之分
以及你有沒有把其他人放在眼內
但可能對一些自戀人的對象
特別是一些短期的關係
其實我們有時未必分得清楚
俗語有云「路遙知馬力,日久見人心」
這句說話在戀愛市場
亦是同樣道理
所以普遍來說
黑暗人格很強的人
他追逐一些短線的戀愛關係
的確幾有優勢的
當然亦有些另外的研究
其實他們比較難去維持一個長遠的戀愛關係
這件事情也是事出有因的
因為你會發覺就是當你將那種自己很有能力
和很強的權利意識擺在一起
就是他的人會變得復仇性很強的
例如一對情侶之間
或者不要說情侶了
任何關係之間其實都是一個Give and Take的關係
我們是平等的
有時候我們要給一些出來
但我們也要拿一些回來
但例如一個人他的自我中心傾向是很強的話
他就會覺得其他人為他付出是理所當然的
但當反過來你要他付出的時候
其實他的感覺和普通人會有一點不同
怎樣為之公平呢
就是其他人付出
然後我享受那個才是你的公平
而這個關係可以持續多久
或者怎樣會進入一個最惡劣的狀態呢
我想其中就視乎其他特質和配套
例如那人除了黑暗人格之外也很有能力
或者他操控人心這個黑暗人格的傾向有多強
馬基維利主義 Machiavellianism
或者他人有多冷血 即黑暗人格三角的精神病態 Psychopathy
你發覺當這些人格特質聚集一身
而那個人有一個好的外表和一個良好社交技巧的話
這個人都真的可以很恐怖
他覺得自己值得擁有比一般人多
他亦樂意和有能力操縱別人
他即使看到別人受傷亦不覺得自身有損害
而且他亦能了解到甚麼會令其他人受影響
兼且專登去做那些事
是一個很容易擺佈他人的狀態
剛剛說了學術層面的分析
但如果最簡單
我覺得怎樣可以偵測到這些操縱者
覺得有一種自己值得擁有更多的感覺
而我覺得這類人在日常生活中
不同大小面向上去呈現出來
就例如日常互動去餐廳點餐
或者在工作場合
他會不會覺得別人遷就他才是正常
如果有這種心理特質的話
我不夠膽說一定會
但有幾大機會
令他發展成一個渣男
講完渣男那邊
我們再講一下
受害者那邊究竟心理狀態是怎樣
我不知道大家有沒有聽過一個流行通俗的講法
就是「埋單論」
指女生比較年輕的時候
大多數會跟更吸引的渣男發展關係
去到二三十歲的時候
她就要安定下來
當然這是一個具侮辱性
以及批判的說法
我絕對認為不應該草率地將這種故事
或標籤放在女性身上
但這樣的故事背後
亦都可能反映了一些心理傾向
的確有研究指出
當女士比較年輕時
比較容易受一些黑暗人格強的男性吸引
但這個傾向隨著年紀漸長
閱歷增加就會慢慢改變
當然我們可以有不同的方式解讀
其中一種我認為幾合理的解讀方式
有一個心理學家Jordan Peterson也說過
一個完整的人我們需要有些黑暗的面向
例如一個家庭可以說是一個社會群體
有時候他們要共同面對一些難關
或者甚至抵禦外敵
抵禦外敵可以是如戰爭般
比較物理上的層面
但亦可以是人際互動的層面
身邊有人對你們不利
而當你要去抵禦外敵的時候
有時候你要展現自己黑暗面
基本上這個就是「黑暗知道善良是怎樣的
但善良不知道黑暗是怎樣」的講法
如果你無黑暗面的話好多位呢
很多時候你會落於下風
我認為這是一個成熟男人應該要具備的能力
就是要能了解並控制自己的黑暗面
兼且在有需要的時候運用你的黑暗面
這是成熟的其中一個特徵
你會發覺例如
當人在青少年時期或者比較年輕的時候
一些渣男很多時候他這個黑暗面
是一種懦弱的偽裝
就是你會見到他對一些弱者
就表現得很有型 說話好像很敢言
不怕尖酸克薄地去說話
但是真的對著一些有權力的人
他就縮頭烏龜
我想這些例子在香港絕不陌生
我自己見到都挺鄙視的
但有講法就是當女士比較年輕的時候
她分辨不到這些渣男特質
以及真正融合可控黑暗面的分別
所以有時她就會被黑暗人格去吸引
用常理去理解
可能其實是與人生閱歷的關係
試過跌過痛過哭過你就會明白
你開始了解到成熟的黑暗面有何價值
而且我覺得其中一個關鍵就是
其實兩件事真的很相似
就是有時候自大和自信
真是一線之差
最後我覺得一類人要特別小心
疑似渣男的人
就是有焦慮型依戀的人 Anxious Attachment style
焦慮型依戀的人有甚麼特徵
你會好怕在關係裡失去一些東西
一些行為表徵
就是可能要無事無刻去知道對方的行蹤
很害怕對方拋棄自己
自己的所作所為
有時會將自己放到很卑微
就好像只能這樣去維繫段關係
最近看到一篇論文
就是說這類人的行為壓抑系統
Behavioural Inhibition System 是特別強的
什麼叫做行為壓抑系統呢
意思是人主要有兩類大的動機
一個就是我們要拿些東西回來
行為激活系統 Behavioural Activation System
一個就是我們要避開一些
例如一些焦慮的情緒
行為壓抑系統 Behavioural Inhibition System
我想大家會理解到
當你的行為壓抑系統啟動的時候
你在抑制什麼呢
就是對方拋棄你
對方拋棄你的概念會感覺到焦慮
所以我們會盡一切所求
去避免這些焦慮去發生
無論是更加滿足對方也好
文章大家有興趣大家可以自己看
但我覺得它指出了一個挺精警的點
就是在戀愛的世界那裡
的確有些人是喜歡快來快去
例如好像一夜情一樣
不知大家認不認同這種戀愛模式
但有時的確是男歡女愛的情事而已
雙方可能其實沒有受傷害
可能只是他們的行為激活系統比較強
我們要拿一些東西回來的系統
性是其中一種令到我們會有歡愉的東西
自然而然我們會想要得到
其實這些不算是渣男
我們只可以說他的戀愛觀比較開放一點
但我覺得最嚴重是哪一些呢
就是例如我不知道大家有沒有看到這樣的組合
就是男生就是渣男
但對象就多數是幾純情
兼且對自己有很強焦慮感的那類人
我發覺呢這種組合就是最大問題
就是你會見到渣男能夠察覺到
女仔有些特質
可以不斷地運用煤氣燈效應控制她
這個女生就好像只能付出自己的全部所有
金錢肉體時間等等付出所有
大家聽過這些例子吧 有時候收場收得蠻惡劣的
發生什麼事呢
就是受害方的行為壓抑系統 BIS 很強
如果對方有黑暗人格去察覺到這些特質
他就可以操弄你的焦慮感
例如知道對方喜歡自己
專登要對方做一些事
才令自己情感上可得到滿足
表露自己的情緒出來
這樣對方就會很容易上癮
也會陷入圈套
為什麼說出這件事
如果你覺得自己在這樣的關係裡面
自我覺察一下
如果有一個發展對象
就是我覺得這個男同女都通用
她令你走前一步的原因
或者令你持續投入的原因
如果僅僅是為了避開一些恐懼和焦慮的話
我覺得就真的要小心點留意一下
這樣是相當可悲的
考慮脫離那段關係
我覺得如果一段關係
你做的一舉一動
其實都只是為了避免對方拋棄你
其實是很可悲的
就是想跟大家分享這些
不知道大家會不會喜歡我講愛情心理學
一樣如果大家有關於愛情上的問題
又想應用心理學知識
都可以下載我們的MindForest App
去跟它談談心
我們今天的時間差不多十六七分鐘
我們下次再見
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