13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do 📖 Summary
Summary
TLDRThis video script offers insights from Amy Morin's book '13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do', guiding viewers on building resilience. It emphasizes avoiding self-pity, not giving away control to others, embracing change, focusing on controllable aspects, and not seeking constant approval. The script also advises against fearing risks, dwelling on the past, repeating mistakes, resenting success, giving up easily, avoiding solitude, feeling entitled, and expecting instant results. These principles aim to cultivate mental fortitude and navigate life's challenges effectively.
Takeaways
- 😀 Don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself; it leads to negative emotions and overlooks the good in life.
- 💪 Replace self-pity with gratitude to improve psychological and physical health.
- 🚫 Don't give away your power to others; it makes you dependent on others for your feelings and self-worth.
- 🔄 Embrace change and avoid sticking to routines that are bad for you; identify pros and cons of change to facilitate adaptation.
- 🚶♂️ Focus on what you can control, your behavior and attitude, and let go of the need to control everything else.
- 🙅♀️ Stop people-pleasing to avoid damaging relationships and losing sight of your values.
- 🤔 Take calculated risks and balance emotion with logic to avoid missing out on opportunities.
- 🔄 Don't dwell on the past; shift your thinking to the present and future to avoid missing out on life.
- 📝 Learn from mistakes by studying them and creating a plan to avoid repeating them.
- 🎉 Celebrate others' success and focus on cooperation to avoid resentment and maintain your values.
- 🚫 Don't give up after the first failure; change your perspective on failure as part of the journey to success.
- 🧘♀️ Embrace solitude and use it for increased productivity, journaling, and meditation to gain emotional benefits.
- 🙅♂️ Avoid the sense of entitlement by developing self-awareness and recognizing the harm it can cause to your work and personal life.
- ⏳ Adjust expectations and practice patience to avoid the pitfalls of expecting immediate results.
Q & A
What is the main message of the book '13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do' by Amy Morin?
-The main message of the book is to provide strategies for building mental strength by avoiding certain behaviors that can undermine resilience and personal growth.
Why is it suggested not to waste time feeling sorry for yourself according to the transcript?
-Feeling sorry for oneself is considered a waste of time because it leads to more negative emotions, causes one to overlook the good in life, and is often a form of procrastination where individuals avoid facing life's struggles.
How can volunteering help reduce feelings of self-pity as mentioned in the transcript?
-Volunteering helps reduce self-pity by shifting one's focus from personal problems to helping others, making it difficult to feel sorry for oneself when actively engaged in serving the needs of others.
What are some of the negative consequences of giving other people power over your emotions as per the transcript?
-Giving others power over your emotions can lead to dependence on others for emotional regulation, letting others define your self-worth, and becoming overly sensitive to criticism.
Why is it important not to shy away from change according to the transcript?
-Not shying away from change is important because it allows for learning new things and personal growth. Avoiding change can lead to stagnation and make it harder to adapt when necessary.
What is the problem with focusing on things you can't control as mentioned in the transcript?
-Focusing on things you can't control can lead to unnecessary self-blame and damage relationships. It's important to remember that the only thing one can control is their behavior and attitude.
How does the transcript suggest dealing with the fear of taking calculated risks?
-The transcript suggests balancing emotion with logic when making decisions, giving oneself time to think about the decision, and considering the actual risks involved compared to the perceived risks.
What are some of the issues with dwelling on the past as per the transcript?
-Dwelling on the past can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and anger, and it prevents one from enjoying the present and preparing for the future.
How can one avoid repeating mistakes according to the transcript?
-To avoid repeating mistakes, one should study the mistake to understand what went wrong, create a plan to avoid old behaviors, and find ways to hold oneself accountable, such as keeping a journal.
What is the problem with resenting other people's success as mentioned in the transcript?
-Resenting other people's success can cause one to lose focus on their own path, damage relationships, and lead to feelings of bitterness and a sense of being victimized.
Why is it suggested not to give up after the first failure according to the transcript?
-Giving up after the first failure can become a bad habit and strengthen the idea that failure is unacceptable. It's important to change the way one thinks about failure and view it as part of the journey to success.
What are some benefits of alone time as per the transcript?
-Alone time can increase productivity, provide an opportunity for self-reflection through journaling, and allow for meditation which has emotional benefits such as reducing negative emotions.
How can one overcome a sense of entitlement as suggested in the transcript?
-Overcoming a sense of entitlement involves developing self-awareness of one's sense of entitlement, recognizing and challenging thoughts that indicate a belief in being owed something, and learning to accept responsibility for one's actions.
What is the issue with expecting immediate results as per the transcript?
-Expecting immediate results can lead to taking shortcuts and experiencing negative emotions when expectations are not met. It's important to create realistic expectations and practice delaying gratification.
Outlines
😢 Overcoming Self-Pity and Embracing Gratitude
This paragraph discusses the importance of not indulging in self-pity following a tragedy, such as the death of a best friend. It emphasizes the futility of wallowing in sorrow and suggests that self-pity leads to negative emotions and a loss of appreciation for life's positives. The summary of '13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do' by psychotherapist Amy Morin introduces strategies to combat self-pity, such as volunteering and practicing gratitude, which have been linked to improved psychological and physical health.
💪 Taking Back Control and Adapting to Change
The second paragraph explores the concept of personal power and the detrimental effects of giving it away to others, which can lead to emotional dependency and sensitivity to criticism. It advises taking back control by forgiving those who have hurt you and suggests critical evaluation of feedback received. Additionally, it addresses the fear of change and the reluctance to break from familiar routines, proposing proactive steps such as listing pros and cons to facilitate adaptation.
🚫 Letting Go of Control and People-Pleasing
This section delves into the issues arising from an obsession with control and the desire to please everyone, which can strain relationships and obscure personal values. It points out that focusing on things beyond one's control can lead to self-blame and relationship damage. The paragraph also highlights the pitfalls of people-pleasing, such as sacrificing important relationships and losing sight of one's values, and encourages setting boundaries and prioritizing self-respect.
🚀 Embracing Risk and Learning from Failure
The fourth paragraph encourages taking calculated risks, arguing against the avoidance of risks due to emotional bias. It provides statistical evidence to challenge fear-based decision-making, such as the comparison between the risks of flying and driving. The summary also addresses the fear of failure, suggesting a reframing of failure as a part of the journey to success and the importance of learning from mistakes to avoid repeating them.
🔄 Moving On from the Past and Avoiding Resentment
This section advises against dwelling on past mistakes and the negative emotions associated with them. It suggests shifting focus to the present and future by setting goals and engaging in productive activities. The paragraph also warns against resentment towards others' success, which can distract from personal growth and harm relationships, advocating for cooperation and celebrating others' achievements instead.
🧘♂️ Valuing Solitude and Rejecting Entitlement
The final paragraph discusses the benefits of spending time alone, such as increased productivity and emotional reflection, and counters the fear of solitude by encouraging practices like journaling and meditation. It also addresses the negative impact of feeling entitled, which can lead to complacency and bitterness, and emphasizes the importance of developing self-awareness to overcome such attitudes.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Resilience
💡Self-pity
💡Gratitude
💡Power
💡Change
💡Control
💡People-pleasing
💡Risk
💡Past
💡Mistakes
💡Success
💡Failure
💡Solitude
💡Entitlement
💡Expectations
Highlights
Coping with life's tragedies by becoming a more resilient person.
Book summary of '13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do' by Amy Morin.
Don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself; it leads to negative emotions and overlooks the good in life.
Change behavior to reduce self-pity by volunteering and practicing gratitude.
Gratitude impacts both psychological and physical health, including immune system benefits.
Don't give away your power to others; it makes you dependent on others for your feelings.
Forgive people to take back your power and evaluate feedback critically.
Accept change as a part of life and identify the pros and cons of making changes.
Don't focus on things you can't control to avoid unnecessary blame and damaged relationships.
Avoid people-pleasing to prevent damaging close relationships and losing sight of your values.
Don't fear taking calculated risks; balance emotion with logic to make better decisions.
Dwelling on the past prevents you from enjoying the present and preparing for the future.
Study and create a plan to avoid repeating mistakes and hold yourself accountable.
Resentment of others' success can lead to a lack of focus on your own path and damaged relationships.
Change your mindset about failure to see it as part of the journey to success.
Don't fear alone time; it can increase productivity and provide emotional benefits.
Avoid feeling entitled to prevent a lack of hard work and feelings of victimization.
Create realistic expectations and practice delaying gratification to avoid expecting immediate results.
Transcripts
imagine you are out one day doing a
normal routine when suddenly
you get a call your best friend died in
a tragic car accident
how would you cope with having your life
permanently changed in the blink of an
eye give this video your focused
attention for the next 10 minutes
so you can become a more resilient
person who can handle life's tragedies
this is a book summary of 13 things
mentally strong people don't do
by the psychotherapist amy marin
let's get into thing one don't waste
time feeling sorry for yourself
imagine you break both your legs you hop
on the wheelchair and contemplate that
you will be in this wheelchair for the
rest of your life
how would you react the reason people
feel sorry for themselves when they find
they're in a bad situation is because
they are procrastinating
they do not want to face life struggles
they choose to believe that they don't
have control over their circumstances
and they play the victim card
the problem with feeling sorry for
yourself is that it's a waste of time
it leads to more negative emotions and
it causes you to overlook the good in
your life
to reduce feelings of self-pity you need
to change your behavior
to stop feeling sorry for yourself
volunteer to help a worthy cause
it's hard to feel sorry for yourself
when you're serving hungry people in a
soup kitchen or spending time with the
elderly residents in a nursing home
and secondly exchange self-pity for
gratitude
gratitude not only impacts your
psychological health but it can also
affect your physical health
a study found that people who feel
gratitude don't get sick as often as
others
they have lower blood pressure and
better immune systems
thing two don't give away your power
i want you to think about someone you
dislike really picture it in your mind
how much time do you think about how
much you dislike them
how much power does this person have
over your mental energy
giving other people the power to control
how you think feel and behave makes it
impossible to be mentally strong
the problems with giving away your power
is that you depend on others to regulate
your feelings
you let others define your self-worth
and you become sensitive to criticism
to take back your power forgive people
who have taken your power
and think before you react if you tend
to react negatively
take deep breaths and excuse yourself
from the situation
finally evaluate feedback critically ask
yourself
what evidence is there that this is true
why might this person be giving me this
feedback
thing three don't shy away from change
how well do you accept change are you
able to change your habits
environment or behavior when the need
arises or will you stick to the same old
routines because it feels familiar
even if it was bad for you you tend to
justify a bad habit by convincing
yourself what you're doing
isn't that bad when you're in a bad
situation
you worry that making a change might
make things worse
the problem with shying away from change
is that one you won't learn new things
and two the longer you wait the harder
it will get
so here's how to not shy away from
change you want to
identify the pros and cons of changing
create a list about the potentially good
and bad
outcomes of making a change thing 4
don't focus on things you can't control
trying to control everything starts as a
way to manage anxiety
if you know you have everything under
control what's there to worry about
the problem with wasting energy on
things you can't control is one that you
unnecessarily blame yourself for
everything
and two being a control freak damages
relationships
remember that the only thing you can
control is your behavior and attitude
thing five don't worry about pleasing
everyone do you say yes to nearly
everything people ask of you
we try to please people because of two
things fear
and learned behavior people pleasers are
afraid of conflict
therefore they try to avoid it by trying
to make everyone happy
sometimes a desire to avoid conflict
stems from childhood
if you were raised by parents who were
constantly arguing you may have learned
that conflict is bad
and keeping people happy is the best way
to prevent arguments
the problem with people-pleasing is one
that it damages relationships with
people close to you
imagine your friend asks you to go out
for the day to watch a movie or play
golf
but if you do that your spouse will get
angry because you two already made plans
in situations like these people-pleasers
will sacrifice a relationship with the
people closest to them to please
others and number two you lose sight of
your values
you'll stop doing what's right and only
focus on making people happy
whether it's good or bad to stop
pleasing everyone
you must determine who you want to
please it's not your job to keep
everyone happy
thing six don't fear taking calculated
risks
we avoid taking risks because emotion
prevails over logic
and we don't think about risks instead
we base our decisions on emotions or
habits
think back to a time when you made an
impulsive decision
for example buying something expensive
you didn't need
or maybe you sent an embarrassing text
to that woman you were obsessing over
in times like these we need to restrain
ourselves from making impulsive
decisions
give yourself time to think about the
decision sleep on it
if it's an important decision give
yourself a week to think things through
the problem with fearing risk is that
you won't be extraordinary without
taking calculated risks
if we don't take risks we are likely
missing out on great opportunities
to reduce fear you need to a balance
emotion with logic
many passengers are so afraid of flying
they choose to drive long distances to
get to a destination
their decision to drive is based on
emotion not logic
there is only one in an 11 million
chance that you will die in an aeroplane
crash
however there is a one in 5 000 chance
that you will die in a car crash over
the same distance
if you're going to take a risk wouldn't
you want the odds in your favor
thing seven don't dwell on the past
do you think about all the things you
should have done differently
thinking about the past won't fix your
problems guilt shame and anger are just
a few of the feelings that can keep you
stuck in the past
you might think well if i stay miserable
long enough
i'll eventually be able to forgive
myself this
won't work the problem with dwelling on
your past
is that you miss out on the present and
you can't prepare for the future
so to not dwell on the past you need to
shift your thinking
give yourself something else to think
about like watching a one percent better
video instead
or establish goals for the future it's
impossible to dwell on the past if
you're planning for the future
chapter 8 don't repeat your mistakes we
make the same mistakes due to being
impulsive and stubborn
the problem with repeating mistakes is
that you won't ever reach your goals
and your friends and family may get
tired of hearing you complain
so to avoid repeating mistakes number
one you want to study the mistake
take some time to evaluate your mistake
and figure out what went wrong
what could have you done better and
number two create a plan
be on the lookout for old behavior find
a way to hold yourself accountable
by keeping it journal thing nine
don't resent other people's success
occasional jealousy is normal
but resentment is unhealthy we resent
other people's success
because we want what they have it could
be a nicer car
or a better house the problem with
resenting other people's success is that
you'll stop focusing on your own path to
success
you'll damage relationships and abandon
your values
to stop resenting other people's success
focus on cooperation
rather than competition and number two
practice celebrating other people's
accomplishments
thing 10 don't give up after the first
failure
you might have the feeling that if you
fail once you're most likely to fail
again
so you don't bother trying again giving
up after the first failure can become a
bad habit
each time you quit you strengthen the
idea that failure is bad which will
prevent you from trying again
to avoid giving up change the way you
think about failure
here are some thoughts about failure
that will likely discourage you from
trying again
failure is unacceptable i'm either a
complete success
or a complete failure replace the
irrational thoughts with these realistic
reminders
failure is often part of the journey to
success and
i can handle failure thing
11 don't fear alone time
you might think that spending time alone
is a waste of time
you'd rather not think about your
problems so you distract yourself with
work and other activities in your life
here's what the research says are the
benefits of alone time that you might be
missing out on
solitude at the office can increase
productivity this study found that most
people in the study performed better
when they had some privacy
to not fear solitude you must practice
tolerating silence
with practice it will become easier use
your alone time to write in a journal
about your goals and feelings
and number two meditate meditation has
been linked to a variety of emotional
benefits
including helping to reduce negative
emotions
thing 12 don't feel like the world owes
you anything
we all want our fair share in life but
the idea that you're owed something just
because of who you are
or being a know-it-all can harm your
career and personal life
we feel the world owes us something
because social media feels mistaken
beliefs about self-importance
and over-indulgent parenting prevents
children from learning how to accept
responsibility for their behaviour
the problem with the sense of
entitlement is that you'll be less
likely to work hard when you're busy
complaining that you're not getting what
you're owed
and when you don't get everything you
want entitlement can lead to feelings of
bitterness as you'll think you were
victimized
to not be entitled develop
self-awareness of your sense of
entitlement
look for thoughts such as i'm not
following that law because it's stupid
i'm more valuable than others there's
always been something
really special about me thing 13
don't expect immediate results we expect
immediate results
because we underestimate how long change
takes and we overestimate our abilities
the problem with expecting immediate
results is that you may be tempted to
take shortcuts
that leads to negative emotions when
your expectations aren't met
to stop expecting immediate results
create realistic expectations
and practice delaying gratification
before we recap
know that i'm building
onepercentacademy.com which will have
paid video
courses to help you become one percent
better
let me know in the comments and number
one problem you're having in life that
you need the most help with
let's recap in today's video you learned
to not waste time feeling sorry for
yourself don't give away your power
don't shy away from change don't focus
on the things you can't change
don't worry about pleasing everyone
don't fear taking calculated risks
don't dwell on the past don't repeat
your mistakes
don't resent other people's success
don't give up after the first time
don't fear alone time don't feel like
the world owes you anything
and don't expect immediate results
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