America's forced marriage problem | Fraidy Reiss | TEDxFoggyBottom

Summary

The speaker shares a deeply personal and powerful story of escaping a forced marriage within the insular ultra-orthodox Jewish community in Brooklyn, where she was groomed for marriage from a young age. She details the abuse she endured and the legal and social systems that kept her trapped. She eventually founded Unchained at Last, a nonprofit organization that helps women escape forced marriages. The speaker also highlights the alarming issue of child marriage in the U.S., advocating for legislative changes to end forced and child marriages, and urges individuals to join the fight to protect vulnerable girls and women.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker escaped a forced marriage in an ultra-orthodox Jewish community in Brooklyn, New York, despite being declared dead by her family for leaving.
• 😀 Forced marriage, often hidden within communities, is a serious human rights issue in the U.S., especially among insular religious groups.
• 😀 The speaker was groomed from childhood for marriage, with limited education focused on domestic duties and religious practices.
• 😀 The pressure to marry was overwhelming, with the speaker having no real choice in the matter and limited time to decide about her engagement.
• 😀 The speaker endured an abusive marriage, where she faced physical violence, reproductive control, and limited personal and financial rights.
• 😀 The family and religious community rejected the speaker when she attempted to escape, leading to shunning and social isolation.
• 😀 The speaker founded Unchained at Last, an organization dedicated to helping women escape forced marriages in the U.S. and beyond.
• 😀 Unchained at Last has helped women from various backgrounds, including conservative Christian and Muslim communities, escape forced marriages.
• 😀 The issue of child marriage in the U.S. is alarming, with some states allowing marriage under 18 and no minimum age for petitioning for a foreign spouse.
• 😀 Child marriage is often tied to forced marriage, and it severely impacts young girls' health, education, and overall well-being, with lifelong consequences.
• 😀 Efforts are ongoing to end child and forced marriage in the U.S., with Unchained at Last pushing for legislation to close legal loopholes and protect minors.

Q & A

What is the main topic discussed in the transcript?

The transcript focuses on the speaker's personal experience with forced marriage, abuse, and escape from an ultra-orthodox Jewish community in Brooklyn. It also raises awareness about child and forced marriage in the United States and advocates for legal reforms.

How did the speaker's family react when she attempted to escape her abusive marriage?

The speaker's family declared her dead and shunned her after she escaped, which is a form of honor violence. This emotional and social punishment left her isolated from the people she once loved.

What were some of the restrictions the speaker faced during her upbringing in the ultra-orthodox Jewish community?

The speaker was raised with strict religious values, had limited education focused on God, cooking, and sewing, and was forced to sign a paper promising not to take driver's education or college entrance exams.

What role did the matchmaker play in the speaker's marriage?

The matchmaker played a significant role in selecting the speaker's potential spouse. Although she was told she had a choice, the match was limited to the options presented by the matchmaker, and the process was controlled with minimal personal agency.

What were some of the key challenges the speaker faced in her marriage?

The speaker endured domestic violence, including physical abuse, and was denied reproductive rights, financial independence, and the ability to work. She was also trapped in the marriage due to religious laws that prevented her from divorcing her husband.

What is 'honor violence,' and how did it manifest in the speaker's life?

Honor violence refers to violence committed to protect the perceived honor of a family or community. In the speaker's case, it manifested as being shunned by her family after she escaped her abusive marriage, effectively declaring her dead and cutting off all communication.

How does child marriage impact girls in the U.S.?

Child marriage in the U.S. often leads to severe health, psychological, and social consequences, including higher rates of disease, psychiatric disorders, poverty, and physical abuse. It also drastically reduces the likelihood of completing education and achieving financial independence.

What specific legislative issues contribute to the continuation of child marriage in the U.S.?

In 23 U.S. states, there is no minimum age for marriage, and the federal government does not specify a minimum age for petitioning for a foreign spouse. These legal loopholes allow adults to marry minors, often leading to forced marriages.

How does the organization 'Unchained at Last' assist women escaping forced marriages?

Unchained at Last helps women escape forced marriages by providing support and resources, including legal assistance, and working with the U.S. State Department to rescue women and girls from such situations. They have helped women from various cultural and religious backgrounds.

What is the significance of the speaker's story in the context of American human rights?

The speaker's story highlights the hidden issue of forced and child marriage in America, a human rights abuse that is legal in all 50 states. It serves as a call to action for lawmakers, advocates, and the public to end these practices and protect vulnerable individuals from harm.