If you're single but want a girlfriend, this video was literally made for you…
Summary
TLDRThe speaker reflects on personal growth in dating, overcoming insecurities, social anxiety, and lack of experience. They share how taking consistent action, such as approaching women and gaining social skills, helped build confidence despite ongoing challenges. They emphasize the importance of 'building a garden'—focusing on self-improvement, purpose, and character development—rather than chasing relationships. By prioritizing self-growth, one naturally attracts healthier relationships. The speaker concludes by encouraging viewers to work on themselves, cultivate their 'garden,' and trust that the right person will eventually come into their lives.
Takeaways
- 💪 Overcoming insecurities and social anxiety has been a major challenge, but it's something that can be improved over time.
- 👥 Gaining experience in dating and social interactions was a priority, leading to actions like messaging more women and going on more dates.
- 😓 Despite actively approaching women, insecurities, social anxiety, and nervousness still persist, but taking action despite fear has been key.
- 🚶♂️ Consistent action and practice led to less overthinking and anxiety, showing gradual improvement in confidence.
- 🧠 The biggest lesson learned is the importance of taking action despite fear and discomfort, leading to personal growth and better results.
- 🌸 The metaphor of ‘chasing butterflies with a net’ vs. ‘building a garden’ represents a shift from desperation to self-improvement and building personal value.
- 📈 Prioritizing purpose and personal growth over chasing women leads to attracting higher quality relationships naturally.
- 🌟 Building character and a fulfilling life is essential to being ready for a meaningful relationship when the right person enters.
- 💔 Personal experience showed that putting women as the top priority led to dependency and emotional struggles when things didn’t work out.
- 🌱 The key takeaway is to cultivate personal growth and build a life worth living, which will eventually attract the right partner naturally.
Q & A
What were some of the biggest struggles the speaker faced in his dating life?
-The speaker faced struggles such as insecurities about his appearance, taking things personally, social anxiety, and a lack of experience in dating and social interactions.
What was the plan the speaker and his friend came up with to improve his dating life?
-The plan involved messaging more girls on Instagram, cold approaching more girls in public, going on more dates, and gaining more experience in a short span of time.
How did the speaker's approach to dating change after implementing the plan?
-Despite still feeling insecure and nervous, the speaker continued to take action by asking girls for their numbers and putting himself out there, which led to increased confidence and social skills.
What is the metaphor of 'chasing butterflies with a net' as described by the speaker?
-The metaphor of 'chasing butterflies with a net' represents the speaker's previous approach to dating, characterized by attachment issues, prioritizing girls over his own life, and desperation, which led to less success in dating.
What does the speaker mean by 'building a garden'?
-'Building a garden' refers to focusing on personal growth, character development, and maximizing one's life, which in turn attracts the right partners.
How does the speaker suggest one should prepare for the perfect partner?
-The speaker suggests that one should build their character and maximize their life to create a 'garden' that is attractive to the perfect partner.
What was the turning point for the speaker in his approach to dating?
-The turning point was when the speaker realized that he needed to focus on cultivating his own life and character rather than just chasing after potential partners.
What is the importance of being ready for the perfect partner according to the speaker?
-The speaker emphasizes the importance of being ready for the perfect partner to ensure that they have a 'garden' to stay in, otherwise, they may leave if the person is not prepared or has not cultivated their life.
What was the consequence for the speaker when he prioritized a girl over his own life?
-When the speaker prioritized a girl over his own life and she left, it felt like he had nothing because he had no other aspects of his life to fall back on.
What advice does the speaker give for attracting higher quality partners?
-The speaker advises to focus on cultivating one's own 'garden' or life, which will naturally attract higher quality women.
What is the key takeaway the speaker wants the audience to have from his experience?
-The key takeaway is to focus on building one's own life and character first, which will lead to better relationships and attracting the right partners.
Outlines
😟 Overcoming Personal Struggles in Dating
The speaker reflects on their personal struggles with dating, including insecurities about appearance, social anxiety, and a lack of experience. They share how these challenges made social interactions and dating difficult. Despite these struggles, the speaker sought improvement by taking action, such as messaging girls on Instagram, cold approaching women, and going on more dates. Even though these efforts didn't immediately eliminate insecurities or anxiety, the speaker emphasized the importance of consistently putting themselves out there to gain experience.
💪 Taking Action Despite Fears
Although anxiety and nervousness remained, the speaker persisted in taking action by asking women for their numbers and socializing. Over time, they realized that continuing to act despite fear and discomfort led to gradual improvement in their confidence and social skills. They recall a particular instance where they approached a woman for YouTube footage, noting how their nervousness had lessened compared to previous experiences. The speaker highlights how facing challenges has helped them develop stronger character.
🦋 The Butterfly Metaphor: Chasing vs. Building
The speaker introduces a metaphor for dating, comparing their former approach—'chasing butterflies with a net'—to their new mindset of 'building a garden.' Previously, they focused on external validation, leading to attachment issues and desperation, which repelled potential partners. However, the speaker began prioritizing personal growth, focusing on their purpose and self-improvement. They emphasize that by building a fulfilling life (the 'garden'), they can naturally attract higher-quality partners without needing to chase them.
🌷 The Garden and Readiness for Love
The speaker asks the audience to imagine meeting a perfect partner who leaves because they were unprepared. They use this to explain that without building a solid foundation in life (the 'garden'), one cannot expect a relationship to thrive. They warn that without cultivating personal growth and purpose, a potential partner might leave, as there would be nothing substantial for them to stay for.
🎮 Lessons from Personal Experience
Sharing a personal story, the speaker reflects on a time when they were addicted to video games, junk food, and had no clear life goals. During this period, they placed their entire focus on a girl who entered their life. When the relationship ended, they were left feeling empty, as they had built no life outside of the relationship. This painful experience taught them the importance of cultivating a fulfilling life independently of any romantic relationship.
🌻 The Importance of Building a Strong Life
The speaker concludes by reinforcing the value of self-improvement, emphasizing that building a fulfilling life (the 'garden') not only attracts better relationships but also enhances personal well-being. They argue that focusing on cultivating one’s garden is essential for attracting the right partner and avoiding chaos in relationships. The speaker leaves the audience with a motivational message: by putting in effort and being patient, they can create a life worth living and attract the right person when the time is right.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Insecurities
💡Social Anxiety
💡Experience
💡Action
💡Confidence
💡Prioritizing Purpose
💡Building a Garden
💡Chasing Butterflies with a Net
💡Character Development
💡Maximizing Life
💡Attracting Quality Women
Highlights
The speaker acknowledges their insecurities regarding appearance and sensitivity to judgment from others.
They discuss their struggle with social anxiety, particularly when interacting with others.
The speaker admits to having a lack of experience in dating and initiating conversations with women.
To address these issues, the speaker and a friend devised a plan to gain more experience and build confidence by engaging in more social interactions.
They describe taking proactive steps, like messaging more girls on Instagram, approaching women in public, and going on more dates.
Despite taking action, the speaker still faced insecurities, social anxiety, and nervousness, indicating that progress was gradual.
They emphasize the importance of continuing to take action, despite fear and discomfort, as a way of building confidence and social skills.
Over time, the speaker noticed improvements in their confidence, finding that their nervousness decreased as they continued to practice.
The speaker learned to 'take action despite fear,' which helped them become more comfortable with approaching women.
They introduce the metaphor of 'chasing butterflies' versus 'building a garden,' suggesting that rather than chasing women, one should focus on self-development.
The idea of 'building a garden' involves prioritizing personal growth and purpose over romantic pursuits.
The speaker reflects on a past relationship, where they were dependent on the girl due to a lack of personal purpose, which ultimately led to the relationship's failure.
They explain that building a strong foundation in one's life can naturally attract higher-quality relationships.
The speaker encourages listeners to cultivate their lives so that they are ready when the right person comes into it.
The closing message is one of empowerment, urging others to work on themselves to achieve their goals and attract fulfilling relationships.
Transcripts
over the past month or so I've been
figuring out a lot when it comes to
dating but it hasn't always been that
way some of the biggest struggles that
I've had in my life has been things like
insecurities when it comes to the way
that I look and when it comes to just
taking everything so personally when
someone was judgmental or whatever
someone else said I've also struggled a
lot with social anxiety and would just
feel so uncomfortable whenever I would
talk to literally almost anybody and I
also just had a lack of experience when
it comes to putting myself out there
introducing myself and talking to more
women just having a better and more
quantitative dating life so I lacked
experience in that area but I wanted to
improve all of those things so me and my
friend we came up with a plan to
actually gain more experience to have
more confidence when it comes to women
and also to build more social skills so
what we did was message more girls on
Instagram we went and cold approach more
girls in public we went on more dates
and we just gained a ton more experience
and that was literally in the span of
like a week or two but even though I was
doing all of those things some of the
struggles were not leaving because I
still felt insecure sometimes I still
had some social anxiety and I was still
nervous even though I started to do
those things more and more but despite
all of those things I did and continue
to do something and what I do is still
take action I still ask girls for their
numbers and I still put myself out there
despite all the social anxiety
insecurities and nervousness and I
learned that when you do that you won't
only just get more girls but I learned
that I'm also slowly becoming more
confident and I'm developing more social
skills because of doing all those things
and I'm also teaching myself to take
action despite fear just the other day I
was about to cool the approach and ask
this girl for a number because we wanted
to get some b-roll footage for YouTube
but this time was different because most
of the other times I was way more
nervous and I had to think about it a
lot more but this time I thought about
it a lot less and I felt a lot less
nervous I still felt nervous it still
wasn't perfect but regardless I still
went up to her with hardly even thinking
about it and that was because all the
challenges that I faced and the
character that I developed through
facing those challenges and through all
those things I learned something that
completely changed my life I learned
that when it comes to dating I had two
choices I could either chase the
butterflies with a net or I could build
a garden and have the butterflies come
to me and chasing the butterflies with a
net was what I used to do and what that
looked like was things like attachment
issues or putting girls first on my
priority list I was also just desperate
and all those things they just led to
getting less girls but instead of doing
that I started building a garden and
what that looked like for me was
prioritizing my purpose above women I
started building my character and
actually maximizing my life and
something that relates to that that I
think is beneficial to imagine and that
you can imagine with me is imagine the
perfect girl comes into your life she's
beautiful she's supportive she's caring
and she's a 10 out of 10 in every aspect
you can imagine her being a 10 out of 10
in but what if when that girl comes into
your life you weren't ready and because
of you not being ready she just left and
she left because you didn't build your
garden and if there's no Garden in the
first place then there's nothing the
butterfly can even stay in so it makes
sense that it's just going to leave so
instead of doing that we should actually
build a garden we should build our
character and maximize our life so that
the woman the perfect woman when she
comes into her life she has a garden
that she can actually come into but if
you do the opposite it's just going to
end in more chaos and I've learned this
from experience I remember when there
was this one girl and pretty much at
this time when this girl came into my
life I was addicted to video games I was
addicted to junk food I was overweight
and I just had a bunch of issues and I
pretty much had no life I had no purpose
I had nothing that I was striving for
and I just put girls number one on my
priority list so when she came into my
life she pretty much became my life and
then some things happened and I had some
family issues and some hardships that
came into my life and I opened up to her
I gave my trust to her and she just left
and because I had no life and she became
my life when she left it felt like I had
nothing and that just brought a ton of
more issues but when you build a life
when you cultivate a garden that the
women can actually come into I learned
that you won't only just have better
relationships but you will also start to
naturally attract higher quality women
and the main thing that I want you to
walk away from this with and that has
personally changed my life is we should
focus on cultivating and building our
garden first and depending on what type
of garden you build will dictate the
butterflies you attract so put in the
work to cultivate your garden and build
your life so when the right girl comes
you will be ready and I also just want
to say that you are fully capable of
achieving great things and actually
cultivating your garden and building a
life that is worth living and once you
do those things I believe that you will
with enough patience and effort attract
the woman of your dreams I genuinely
hope you got some value out of this one
and as usual keep working hard to make
you Fe yourself proud click and watch
this right now and I will see you in the
next video
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