Belonging, A Critical Piece of Diversity, Equity & Inclusion | Carin Taylor | TEDxSonomaCounty
Summary
TLDRThe speaker shares a personal story about unconscious bias and how it inspired a lifelong dedication to fostering belonging in diverse spaces. They emphasize that belonging is unique for each individual, driven by factors like psychological safety, empathy, and acceptance. The speaker introduces a framework called 'VIBE' (Value, Inclusion, Belonging, Equity) to create inclusive environments where people can thrive. They encourage others to cultivate belonging in their circles, highlighting that when these conditions are met, individuals can flourish and contribute more effectively.
Takeaways
- 🤔 Unconscious bias can affect everyone, including those who are often judged themselves.
- 🙌 Belonging is deeply personal and varies for each individual based on their unique experiences.
- 💡 Psychological safety is essential for people to feel valued and share their true selves in any environment.
- 🤝 Empathy, compassion, and care are crucial in fostering a sense of belonging in communities and workplaces.
- 💪 Belonging isn't a passive experience; individuals must also lean in and communicate their needs for belonging.
- ✅ Acceptance of one’s authentic best self helps build a sense of belonging and inclusion.
- 🔗 Connection to others and a greater purpose is vital for fostering belonging and ensuring everyone feels wanted.
- ❤️ Feeling embraced, valued, and appreciated is an important component of belonging.
- 🌟 When conditions for belonging are in place, people are more creative, energetic, and driven to contribute.
- 🚀 Belonging enables individuals to thrive and change their environment for the better, promoting positive change in groups.
Q & A
What initial experience made the speaker realize the impact of unconscious bias?
-The speaker realized the impact of unconscious bias after attending a sales conference where she judged a white male executive's talk on diversity. Later, she learned that the executive was gay, which made her reflect on how she had judged him based on appearance, just as others had judged her throughout her life.
What lesson did the speaker learn from her experience with unconscious bias?
-The speaker learned that she had been doing to others what people had done to her all her life — judging based on appearance. This led her to commit to never making another person feel undervalued because of what they looked like.
Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of belonging in the workplace?
-The speaker believes that belonging is crucial because it fosters a positive employee experience, helping people thrive, feel valued, and be more productive in their roles. Belonging creates an environment where people can bring their authentic best selves to work.
What is the speaker’s framework for addressing belonging in the workplace?
-The speaker developed a framework called VIBE, which stands for Value, Inclusion, Belonging, and Equity. This framework aims to foster a culture of belonging in workplaces.
What mistake did the speaker make when initially trying to define belonging?
-The speaker’s mistake was trying to find a single, universal definition of belonging for everyone. She learned that belonging means different things to different people, and what makes one person feel like they belong may not work for others.
What are the five basic conditions for creating a sense of belonging, according to the speaker?
-The five basic conditions for belonging are psychological safety, empathy, acceptance, connection, and feeling embraced.
Why is psychological safety important for belonging?
-Psychological safety is crucial because it fosters trust, allowing people to share their feelings without fear of judgment. It creates an environment where people feel comfortable being open and honest, contributing to a sense of belonging.
How does the speaker describe the role of empathy in creating belonging?
-The speaker emphasizes that empathy, care, and compassion are essential in creating belonging, especially after the challenges of recent years. Leaders and colleagues need to show genuine concern for each other's well-being.
What does the speaker mean by 'authentic best self' in the context of belonging?
-The speaker encourages bringing one's 'authentic best self' to work, meaning the parts of a person that contribute positively to the workplace. She clarifies that not every aspect of one’s 'whole self' is appropriate for the workplace, but the best, most productive aspects should be welcomed.
What can individuals do to enhance their sense of belonging when the five conditions are in place?
-Individuals can take proactive steps to change their environment by introducing themselves to colleagues, expressing their needs, and contributing positively to interactions. By doing so, they help create a more inclusive environment and influence others to be more open and welcoming.
Outlines
🤔 Personal Bias and Realization of Belonging
The speaker begins by sharing a personal story about unconscious bias during a sales conference. She recalls her frustration listening to a white male executive discuss diversity, only to learn that he was gay, which highlighted her own biases. This experience led her to reflect on how she had been judged based on her appearance and how she, in turn, had started judging others. This realization sparked her passion for belonging and shaped her work in diversity and inclusion.
🌍 The Complexity of Belonging
The speaker explains that 'belonging' is subjective and differs for everyone. She shares personal examples of feeling like she belongs, such as not being judged for her hairstyle or tattoos, and being shown empathy after a traumatic event. She emphasizes that belonging is a two-way street and requires active participation. The speaker notes that it's essential to understand one's own sense of belonging and communicate what makes them feel included.
💡 The Five Conditions for Belonging
The speaker introduces the five key conditions necessary for fostering a sense of belonging: psychological safety, empathy, acceptance, connection, and feeling embraced. These conditions create an environment where people feel valued, safe to express themselves, and respected for their individuality. She highlights how these elements enable creativity, engagement, and thriving in a workplace. Without them, individuals can experience psychological harm, trauma, and isolation.
👐 The Power to Change Belonging
The speaker concludes by stressing that individuals have the power to change the status quo around belonging. She contrasts two scenarios—one where a person is welcomed and another where they are ignored—to illustrate how inclusion fosters engagement. By taking proactive steps to connect with others, individuals can influence their own sense of belonging and positively impact their environment. The speaker urges the audience to create the conditions of belonging in their circles to help others thrive.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Belonging
💡Unconscious Bias
💡Psychological Safety
💡Empathy
💡Authentic Best Self
💡Connection
💡Inclusion
💡Equity
💡Judgment
💡Vulnerability
Highlights
The speaker asks if anyone has ever felt like they didn't belong, followed by asking if they've ever made someone else feel the same way.
The speaker shares a personal story about feeling alienated at a sales conference where she was one of the few women and the only African-American woman, while the topic was diversity.
The speaker realizes her own unconscious bias when she dismisses the speaker at the conference based on his appearance, only to learn he is gay.
After reflecting on her experience, the speaker commits to never making another person feel undervalued based on their appearance.
The speaker explains how this experience inspired her to explore the importance of belonging and its relevance in diversity work.
The speaker introduces the idea of belonging as a critical part of diversity and inclusion, which led her to create the framework VIBE: Value, Inclusion, Belonging, and Equity.
She emphasizes that belonging cannot be defined the same way for everyone, as it is different for each individual depending on their unique experiences.
One example of belonging for the speaker is being able to wear braids or natural hair at work without feeling judged or alienated.
The speaker highlights that belonging is a two-way street and individuals must also actively communicate what makes them feel like they belong.
The five conditions for belonging include psychological safety, empathy, acceptance, connection, and feeling embraced.
The speaker explains psychological safety as creating an environment where people feel trusted and safe to express their emotions, good or bad.
Empathy and compassion are essential in leadership, especially after the challenges of recent years.
The speaker emphasizes the importance of acceptance for our 'authentic best selves,' explaining that there are parts of our personality we leave at home.
Connection involves not only being connected to people and a purpose, but also feeling wanted in a group or workplace.
The speaker closes by urging listeners to actively create conditions for belonging in their circles, emphasizing that when people feel they belong, they thrive and soar.
Transcripts
[Music]
thank you
i have an important question has anyone
out there ever felt like they didn't
belong
almost everybody's raising their hands i
have another important question has
anyone out there
ever made someone else feel like they
didn't belong
i certainly have and i'll start there i
was at a sales conference once it was a
sales conference about 300 people in the
room
i'm one of about 10 women
i'm one of two african-americans and i'm
the only african-american woman in the
room
and the topic of conversation that day
just happened to be diversity
so i remembered sitting in the front row
and
i remembered steam coming out of my ears
because i'm sitting there looking at
this typical white male executive talk
about diversity and i sat there thinking
you are going to talk to me about
diversity
no that's not going to happen
so as i was sitting there i couldn't
receive this person's message i mean as
a matter of fact today i have no idea
what that conversation was even about
but i do know that i couldn't receive
his message and i'm a really curious
person so during a break i walked up and
i said mike you know what i really can't
receive your message and he said why not
and i said because of what you look like
and he said i'm gay
it was the first time that unconscious
bias really hit me upside the head but i
really didn't understand the impact of
that story until i got home later that
evening i was sitting down i was about
to take my first bite of food and i
burst into tears
because what i realized
is what i had done to mike
people had been doing to me my entire
life
they had been judging me simply by what
i look like and i in turn had started to
do that to other people
it was that day that i said i would
never make another person feel
undervalued for who they were simply
because of what they look like
and i share that story with you because
it's what drives me around this topic of
belonging and it's actually what spurred
me to start to think about the
importance of why the notion of
belonging really mattered to people
so i want to talk a little bit about
that so a few years ago and by the way
i've been doing diversity work for a
really long time about 15 20 years
and a few years ago there was a new
topic that was or a new term that was
actually introduced into the diversity
arena and it was this term called
belonging and i was super excited
because i felt that as we were talking
about inclusion and diversity there was
something that was missing and for me it
was belonging and now i finally knew
exactly what it was
and so
i wanted to go and find the secret sauce
of belonging because what i thought
because i wanted to solve problems for
the world and i thought that if i could
solve for belonging for all people and
find that secret sauce i could help to
transform
corporations and workplaces and cultures
and i could ensure that every single
person in the workplace
had a really positive employee
experience
i was so excited about this word
belonging i created a whole structure
around it it's called vibe
value inclusion belonging and equity for
all that's a talk for another day
and so as i sought to actually find this
common definition of belonging i thought
if i can just solve for belonging for
the entire world i'll kind of have that
secret secret size i'll bottle it up
maybe make some t-shirts maybe some cool
tennis shoes or mugs or something maybe
make a couple of dollars
um and so i went on the search to find
the common definition a common
definition that could apply for
everybody around the world didn't matter
what your race was your gender your
physical ability your sexual orientation
whether or not you were an immigrant it
really didn't matter this thing called
belonging was going to be the best thing
for everybody
so as i search for this common
definition i will admit that was my
first big mistake
let me tell you some lessons that i
learned as i was going along this
journey of belonging and i was trying to
discover this for myself
the first thing is that there are five
basic conditions that must be in place
for just about each and every one of us
to feel like we belong there are five
things that i feel must be in place for
me
and i'll share those five things in a
few minutes
the second thing that i learned and it
was a huge mistake and that was trying
to define belonging in a single way for
all people i couldn't do that because
belonging means different things to
different people what makes me feel like
i belong doesn't necessarily make you or
you or you feel like you belong
belonging is different for each and
every one of us so some things that make
me feel like i belong
one of those things is i can walk into
work one day sporting my braids and i
can walk in the next day with my natural
hair and people not look at me like i'm
an alien
because that's actually happened before
or people gloss over me because they're
afraid to say something because i've
changed my appearance a little bit
right
but when i can come in and do that that
makes me feel like i can belong
or when i go into an executive meeting
and i roll up my sleeves because it's a
hot day and i want to show off my tattoo
i don't want to be judged for my tattoo
because my tattoo is special to me it
means something really important to me
and i don't want to hide that part of me
another thing that could make me feel
like i belong
is if i walk into work after a traumatic
event has happened within my community
and one of my workmates leans in and
says hey
how are you today
that makes me feel like i belong now
those might not be the things that make
you feel like you belong but one of the
important things that i also found was
that belonging is a two-way street and
what i mean by that is we have to
understand our own sense of belonging
belonging isn't something that we can
sit back and have something done to us
we must participate and in order to do
that you must know who you are as an
individual in order to feel in or in
order for you to be able to articulate
what makes you have a sense of belonging
those conditions those five conditions
that i talked about which i'm going to
talk about in a minute those must be in
place and that must be what other people
do but you must also lean in and be able
to tell people what it's going to take
for you to feel like you belong
because as i said it's different for
every one of us
the other thing that i discovered about
belonging is that when those five
conditions are in place and i still
don't feel like i belong the power is in
my hands i am the decision maker around
how i can actually turn the tables and
ensure that i do feel like i belong and
i want to share some tools and tips for
that as well and then lastly and this is
the most important thing and this is
what my talk is all about and that is if
you want people to thrive
create the conditions for belonging
these are the five tenets or conditions
that i talked about the first one is
psychological safety psychological
safety must be in place because that
that's what drives that sense of trust
for us in the workplace or in the
communities that we are in or at our
church or at our synagogue or even on a
team that we are on that's psychological
safety that place where i can actually
share how i'm feeling regardless of how
i'm feeling the environment is such that
people are going to welcome how i'm
feeling whether or not it's good or bad
they're willing to listen to the
experiences that i have
and they're willing to they're willing
to lean in to understanding those
experiences as well psychological safety
must be in place
the second thing is empathy if we
haven't learned anything over the last
couple of years it is that empathy and
care and compassion needs to stand tall
when we are leading other people and
when we are engaging with other people
we've got to go back to that sense of
care about one another and in some cases
we've actually lost our place there but
empathy that care that compassion has to
be in place for most of us as well
acceptance is the next thing we need to
be accepted for our out for our
authentic cells
and i use our authentic cells and our
authentic best selves
for a reason not our authentic whole
selves because there is a thing about
bringing our whole self to work right
there are parts of me that should be
kept in the closet that we actually
don't want to come out and when karen
wants to be me nasty karen taylor on a
monday
my colleagues shouldn't have to deal
with that that person gets to stay at
home but my authentic best self that's
the person that we want to show up every
single day because that's a person who's
going to who's going to help us thrive
in the workplace as well
the next one is about connection and
connection is about a couple of things
it's about being connected to the people
it's about being connected to a bigger
purpose
but for me this connection was even more
so about feeling wanted
people wanted me to be in that room that
is an important element of belonging for
me to feel that connection with other
people regardless of how i am feeling
that particular day
that need for connection in all of us is
something that is prevalent when you are
building a culture of belonging
and then lastly
the notion of feeling embraced and some
people think embraced hmm but think
about this think about what it feels
like when you get that big warm warm
embrace from someone that really loves
you you feel valued you feel respected
you feel appreciated and that's critical
when it comes to belonging
so these things are really important for
just about any single person to feel
like they belong
but the important thing is when these
things are at play this is when your
energy level rises this is when you lean
in at the table this is when your
creativity and your innovation thrives
this is when you want to be at the table
and people want to hear your voice
because it's infectious the way that
you're showing up
okay that's what that feeling of
belonging is all about because when
these things are not in place you can't
have a feeling of belonging when
psychological safety is not in place
psychological harm is and when
psychological harm is that place
emotional and mental trauma is actually
playing out as well no one can thrive or
feel like they belong when they're being
traumatized
right similarly if you feel disconnected
how can you actually feel like you can
thrive or like you can belong if you
feel disconnected from people and
purpose
right if you're not
appreciated
and respected
for your contributions as a person and
as an individual
how are you going to feel
like you belong
so as long as these things are in place
we all have an opportunity to feel like
we belong because
when the opposite is in place
that's when we sit back
that's when our voices are not being
heard
that's when we feel
we're not a part of the system
i don't know about any of you but that
certainly isn't a place that i can live
for a very long time and
imagine that you're actually the only
one
you're the only black person you're the
only woman the only man you're only
white person the only person with a
disability
it doesn't matter because when you're
the only one now you actually are
feeling isolated and you have no one
that you can actually reach out to and
talk to because that safe environment
that psychological safety peace
is not at play
and that is not an environment that
people want to stay or can thrive in
all sounds doom and gloom but i promise
it's not
because what i also believe is that you
can actually change status quo
when you when those five tenants that
peace is in play for you
and you are in your feeling
psychological psychologically safe you
can actually change the status quo if
you're feeling like you're not belonging
because imagine that you're sitting
around a room
and imagine that there's one seat left
at the table
and you go and you sit there and let's
say that the two people standing next to
you sitting next to you greet you and
they say hello welcome to the meeting
how are you doing they want to hear your
voice you're in a place where you can
thrive your energy is high
now imagine that you walk into the room
it's that same room that same one seat
is left
but this time no one says anything to
you
no one says hello
no one introduces himself no one cares
about your opinion in the meeting okay
that's a very different feeling
that's a place where people can't thrive
but if that's at play
you can actually change status quo and
here's why if those five things are in
play you can introduce yourself to the
people next to you
you can lean in and you can say i want
to hear your voice a little bit more
you can change your attitude and when
you change the system around you
is going to change as well
when you act differently
if you are more positive
that will be infectious to people and
they will be more positive around you so
you actually can change the outcomes of
your own belonging if peace is at play
so
i want to give you a few things to think
about
as we close this day
over the last few years
we've lost our sense of humanity
our sense of connection
our sense of caring for one another
our sense of coming together
and making this a greater world for all
people
ensuring that there is inclusion
belonging and equity for all of us it
doesn't take much
and so i leave you with this one
question
what are you going to do
to ensure that you are creating
the conditions of belonging in the
circles that you run in because i
guarantee you when you do
create that sense of belonging
it allows people that opportunity to
thrive
it allows people
to do what they do best and i guarantee
you that if you want people
to thrive
create that sense of belonging and then
sit back
relax
and watch people soar
[Music]
you
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