How youth sports coaching needs to change | Finnley Pratt | TEDxSaintAndrewsSchool

Summary

The script narrates a young athlete's journey with a bullying coach, detailing the emotional turmoil and loss of passion for the sport of softball. It emphasizes the importance of coaches fostering a supportive environment to maintain athletes' love for the game. The speaker shares personal experiences and cites research to argue for the need to value coaches based on their character, not just their ability to win. The narrative concludes with a call to action to hold coaches accountable and support young athletes in their sports endeavors.

Takeaways

• 😀 Young athletes can experience intense anxiety when joining a new team, especially when coaches are intimidating.
• 🤔 Aggressive or backhanded comments from coaches can confuse players, blurring the line between passion and anger.
• 😥 Over time, harsh treatment from coaches can diminish a player's love for the sport, leading to anxiety before practices.
• 🏅 Coaches should be valued for their character, not just for their ability to bring success to a team.
• 🙌 A supportive team and love for the game can sometimes compensate for a toxic coach but may not be enough in the long run.
• 📉 Bullying coaches can negatively impact players' confidence and performance, pushing them to seek praise rather than improvement.
• 🧠 Athletes often self-criticize, making supportive coaching essential for both their skill development and mental well-being.
• ❤️ A good coach uplifts, inspires, and shapes players into better people on and off the field.
• 🛑 The sports culture's focus on winning can discourage kids from continuing to play when coaches don't provide reasons to stay.
• 🌟 Players' love for the game can be destroyed by toxic coaching, making it crucial for coaches to invest in the personal growth of their athletes.

Q & A

What was the speaker's initial reaction to the new coach?

The speaker was initially confused as to why they felt so nervous around the new coach, despite hearing only positive things about them during tryouts.

How did the coach's behavior affect the speaker's teammates?

The coach's aggressive backhanded compliments towards the other girls made the speaker question what was wrong with their performance.

What emotions did the speaker experience during practice?

The speaker experienced dread and anxiety before going to practices due to the coach's unpredictable emotions and ridiculing comments.

How did the team dynamics change over time?

As time went on, the speaker grew closer to the girls on the team, which helped to mitigate the negative feelings associated with the coach's behavior.

What was the impact of the coach's attitude on the speaker's love for the game?

The coach's attitude began to overshadow the speaker's love for the game, leading to a questioning of whether they wanted to continue playing.

What is the difference between a 'bully coach' and a coach who pushes you to be your best?

A bully coach belittles players, which is different from a coach who pushes you to be your best and provides constructive criticism.

How does being singled out and belittled affect a player's confidence and behavior?

According to an article by Mike Edgar, being singled out and belittled can cause a player's confidence to fall and they may start craving praise rather than focusing on good performance.

What is the importance of a coach's role in developing others?

Coaching and developing others is considered one of the top three most important leadership positions, as per research done by the corn fairy Institute.

Why do some athletes stop playing sports at a young age?

A study by The Washington Post found that 70% of kids decide to stop playing competitive travel sports by the age of 13, often due to a lack of support for playing for fun and not being given a reason to stay.

How can a coach positively influence a player's development?

A good coach molds, inspires, creates, and influences the player to become a better person on and off the field, not just in terms of their sport.

What are some of the long-term effects a coach can have on an athlete's mental health?

The speaker recalls messages and lessons from their coach that were unrelated to the sport, which were memorable due to the way they were delivered and have had a lasting impact on their mental health.

How did the speaker's feelings towards their sport change over time?

The speaker's feelings towards softball shifted from associating it with fun and happiness to associating it with belittlement, fear, and a chore.

What is the significance of a player's identity in relation to their sport?

Falling out of love with a sport can take away a player's identity, causing them to struggle with their self-image and the sport they once loved.

Outlines

00:00

🥎 The Impact of a Bully Coach on a Young Athlete's Experience

The first paragraph introduces a young athlete's journey with a new softball team. The athlete experiences heightened anxiety due to the coach's aggressive and backhanded comments. Despite initial excitement, the coach's behavior casts a shadow over the team's morale. As the season progresses, the athlete forms bonds with teammates, but the coach's unpredictable and ridiculing comments erode the athlete's love for the game. The narrative highlights the psychological impact of a bully coach on young athletes and questions the idolization of coaches based solely on their ability to bring success to a team, advocating for a focus on character as well.

05:01

🏆 The Power of Positive Coaching and Its Lasting Effects

The second paragraph delves into the long-term effects of coaching styles on athletes. It emphasizes the importance of positive coaching, contrasting it with the negative experiences of the athlete under a bully coach. The paragraph discusses societal pressures and cultural expectations that can lead athletes to quit sports, particularly the focus on winning over enjoyment. It also touches on the idea that coaches who prioritize player development over their own reputation can have a profound impact on an athlete's life. The narrative shares personal experiences of the speaker, including a move to a new coach that led to a toxic relationship, ultimately causing the athlete to lose love for the sport. The paragraph concludes with a call to action to hold coaches accountable for their actions to support young athletes in maintaining their passion for sports.

Keywords

💡Nerves

Nerves refer to feelings of anxiety or unease, often experienced in new or challenging situations. In the video, the speaker describes the initial nervousness felt on the first day of practice with a new team, which is a common emotion among athletes. The script highlights how nerves can be heightened by the behavior of a coach, suggesting that a coach's demeanor can significantly influence an athlete's emotional state.

💡Coach's Attitude

Coach's attitude encompasses the demeanor, behavior, and communication style of a coach towards their athletes. The video emphasizes the negative impact of an aggressive and belittling coach, contrasting it with the positive influence of passionate and supportive coaching. The script illustrates how a coach's attitude can either enhance or diminish an athlete's love for their sport.

💡Backhanded Compliments

Backhanded compliments are remarks that appear to be positive at first but contain a hidden, negative implication. The video script describes how the coach's use of such comments towards other girls' skills creates a negative environment. This term is used to highlight the coach's passive-aggressive communication style, which can undermine athletes' confidence.

💡Passion vs. Anger

This concept contrasts the positive, motivating force of passion with the destructive impact of anger. The speaker reflects on past experiences with coaches and notes a difference between those who push athletes to excel out of passion versus those who seem to act out of anger. The video suggests that true passion from a coach can inspire athletes, while anger can lead to a toxic environment.

💡Anxiety

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. The script discusses the speaker's growing anxiety about attending practices due to the coach's unpredictable and often negative behavior. This keyword is central to the narrative as it illustrates the emotional toll that a coach's attitude can take on an athlete.

💡Character

Character, in this context, refers to the moral and ethical qualities of an individual, particularly a coach. The video advocates for valuing coaches not just for their ability to bring success to a team but for their character, which includes traits like empathy, fairness, and supportiveness. The script suggests that a coach's character is crucial for fostering a love of the game in young athletes.

💡Bully Coach

A bully coach is a term used to describe a coach who uses intimidation, humiliation, or belittling tactics to control or motivate athletes. The video script draws attention to the negative effects of such coaching styles, which can lead to decreased confidence and a loss of love for the sport. The concept is used to critique coaching methods that prioritize winning over the emotional well-being of athletes.

💡Love of the Game

Love of the game refers to the intrinsic motivation and joy that athletes derive from participating in their sport. The video script details how a coach's negative attitude can erode an athlete's love for their sport, leading to disengagement and potentially quitting. This phrase is central to the message that coaches should nurture athletes' passion for their sport.

💡Mental Health

Mental health in the context of the video pertains to the psychological well-being of athletes, which can be affected by the stress and anxiety induced by a coach's behavior. The script mentions the speaker's decision to quit the sport due to the negative impact on their mental health, underscoring the importance of a supportive coaching environment for maintaining athletes' well-being.

💡Accountability

Accountability implies the responsibility and obligation of coaches to act in the best interest of their athletes. The video calls for holding coaches accountable for their actions to ensure they foster a positive and supportive environment. The script suggests that by being accountable, coaches can contribute to the ongoing love and success of athletes in their sports.

💡Supportive Coaching

Supportive coaching is an approach that emphasizes encouragement, positive reinforcement, and the development of athletes' skills and character. The video contrasts this with the negative experiences of the speaker under a bully coach, highlighting the importance of supportive coaching for maintaining athletes' love for their sport and their overall well-being.

Highlights

The speaker describes the anxiety of a 13-year-old on the first day of practice with a new team.

Mention of the coach's aggressive backhanded compliments that create confusion and unease.

The realization that the coach's behavior seemed more out of anger than passion.

The development of closer relationships with teammates, which helps mitigate the negative feelings towards practice.

The coach's attitude begins to overshadow the speaker's love for the game of softball.

Parents' common responses to children wanting to quit sports due to a negative experience.

The call to idolize coaches for their character, not just their ability to bring success to a team.

The importance of recognizing the emotional journey when learning a new skill or sport.

The negative impact of a bully coach on players' confidence and their desire for praise.

The high regard society places on coaching as a leadership position and the responsibility that comes with it.

The speaker's personal experience with a bully coach and the emotional turmoil it caused.

The idea that coaches should uplift and support athletes, not just focus on skill development.

The lasting impact of a coach's messages and how they are delivered, with emotions playing a key role.

The statistic that 70% of kids quit competitive sports by age 13, with cultural pressures being a factor.

The speaker's personal decision to quit competitive softball due to a toxic coaching relationship.

The loss of identity and the struggle to maintain a connection with a sport once loved.

A call to action to hold coaches accountable and to promote positive coaching for the love of the game.

The conclusion of the speaker's competitive softball journey and the hope for positive change in coaching.

Transcripts

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

it's the first day of practice with your

new team and excited nerves have

replaced the blood flowing through your

13-year-old body as you stand in the

Outfield waiting for a ball to fall into

the pocket of your

glove the nerves you experience as you

step up to bat in front of new people

are natural but since everyone at

tryouts had nothing but amazing things

to say about the coach you're confused

as to why your nerves are an all-time

high it's just fielding and hitting you

could do this in your

sleep you go through the first practice

and it's all right but the coach's

aggressive backhanded compliments

towards the other girls skills as they

go through the drills takes you back

what was wrong with what they were doing

you're used to having passionate and

hard coaches who will push you to your

best ability but her actions didn't seem

like passion

they seemed like

anger as the days of practice in

occasional tournaments over the weekend

turn into weeks and then months you

start to grow closer with the girls on

your team this along with your love for

the game helps make up for the feeling

of dread and anxiety you get before

going to practices anxiety for the

unveiling of your coach's unknown

emotion of the day and the ridiculing

comments that would be made about your

performance as softball tournaments take

hold of your summer your coaches

attitude starts to take hold of your

love for the game do you even want to

play

anymore parents frequently respond to

finding out their kid doesn't want to

play a sport anymore with maybe if you'd

practice more you would have enjoyed it

or just hold out for a few more months

and then see how you feel in reality the

kid doesn't want a few more months

because they've been feeling this way

four

months now maybe you've been lucky

enough to have a coach who changed not

only your performance but also increased

Your Love of the Game

but what about the coaches who have

ruined the Love of the Game for kids we

need to stop idolizing coaches purely

because they bring success to a team and

instead start idolizing them for their

character so kids can continue to love

the

game by a show of hands how many of you

have played a sport

before all right so a decent amount okay

and now how many of you have had to

learn or improve on a new or specific

scale for the sport you work or are

playing or maybe if you don't play a

sport perhaps it was for the school work

or theater project you're involved

in all right okay so about everyone in

the room can relate in some way so even

if you don't play a sport you're all

familiar with the idea of learning or

strengthening a new skill awesome great

we're already off to a really good start

now I want you to remember your emotions

while learning this new skill was there

frustration because you didn't get the

skill right the first time hope

hopefulness because you knew you could

eventually do the skill excitement

because you were just so eager to learn

something new or was it fear you don't

want your coach or boss to yell at you

for an imperfect attempt at something

completely new to you an article by Mike

Edgar from sport Psychology today claims

when players are singled out and

belittled by their coaches not only do

their confidence levels fall but they

also begin to Crave praise rather than a

good

performance so if the emotion Was Fear

you like myself and many others who play

sports may have experienced a bully

coach for clarification a bully coach is

not to be confused with a coach who

pushes you to be your best and gives you

constructive

criticism according to research done by

the corn fairy Institute which is an

innovation Center focused on

Illuminating key trends and drivers of

human performance most people hold

coaching and developing others as one of

the top three most important leadership

positions so if developing others is

held to such a high standard why do we

just expect players to endure this

treatment of bully

coaching as an athlete I am my biggest

critic and nine times out of 10 if I

make a mistake I already know what I did

wrong and will work to fix my error in

the next rep athletes are the first to

get down on themselves when they make

mistakes which is why for peak

development of their skills their Love

of the Game and their character coaches

need to be the ones who uplift and

become their supporters for a good coach

never just coaches they mold Inspire

create and influence the player to

become a better person on and off the

field to athletes coaches become one of

the most present people in their lives

and because of this there are a lot of

effects both good and bad that they can

have on the player specifically

mentally I can still remember messages

and lessons my coach has taught me

completely unrelated to my sport such as

how there's no such thing as perfect

just almost perfect and to stop saying

sorry after every little thing you do

wrong but what made these messages and

lessons so memorable that 6 years later

I would still remember them it was the

way they were delivered Linda Flanigan

in her article for the Atlantic backs

this idea by explaining when a coach is

giving a message to a player If the

message carries emotions such as anger

sadness or even excitement the player

will pay more attention to its delivery

rather than the actual

message The Washington Post also did a

study and published an article about why

70% of kids decide to stop playing

competitive travel Sports by the age of

13 as someone who stopped playing

competitive softball around 15 years old

I was interested in two of the things

that they mentioned because they related

to a few of the thoughts that I had

myself before

quitting the first was how our culture

no longer supports older kids playing

for the fun of it and the second was the

idea that most kids leave Sports because

no one has given them a reason to

stay if our culture in athletics isn't

supporting kids playing for fun and

instead is so focused on winning or else

you're not good then why would coaches

go completely against the sports culture

and chance their reputation being

ruined how many coaches are there who

truly care more about developing their

players than their reputation in winning

streak in an article by Julie Julie

Davis colen on the power of positive

coaching she says we do more for those

who appreciate us and invest in us

simply because we feel better about it

before I even moved to Florida I no

longer wanted to invest my time into

practicing because I didn't feel any

investment coming back and if I didn't

feel any investment coming back when I

was putting in the work how would that

change if I wasn't putting in the work

with my confidence and my abilities

already low from not feeling trusted by

my coaches back in New Hampshire I moved

to Florida where my new coach made me

feel like I was in a toxic relationship

with the way she went back and forth

between making me love and hate her it

was confusing when I would be on the

verge of not being able to breathe

because of my asthma and she would tell

me to stop being a baby and that I

obviously needed the running only to act

like my best friend and say that we

should go to lunch a few minutes later

or when she would belittle my skills by

saying if you can't hit a Target then

you should just quit while it was

pouring rain and the ball was wet this

wasn't the game of softball 8-year-old

me used to love doing anything remotely

related to softball felt like a chore

and I knew deep down that I couldn't

sacrifice my mental health trying to

convince myself myself I still loved a

game I had lost love for a long time

ago I no longer Associated the sport of

softball with fun practices a form of

socialization and a sport that made me

happy I now Associated the game with

belittlement fear before going to

practices and something I no longer

wanted to put time

into one of the hard things about

falling out of love with a sport is that

it takes away a player's identity you're

stuck between ignore them and just push

through or trying to keep your identity

by saying I play X

Sport I have no idea where I'd be in my

softball career today if IID felt more

supported by my coaches and it's

something I think about all the time

would my love for the sport have come

back would I have played in high school

would I be in the commitment process

like 8-year-old me had dreamed of for me

my competitive softball Journey has

ended but for others their Journeys and

their sports are just beginning let's be

the ones who hold coaches accountable

for their actions so we can guide them

to be better and create the change that

gives other young athletes the ability

to continue loving their game thank you