I never want to feel small again • Taking up space as an artist

Summary

The speaker reflects on the transformative power of art in overcoming personal struggles. They recount the emotional journey of battling self-criticism and the dark clouds of self-doubt, only to find solace and strength in their creative process. Through painting, they symbolize the duality of their inner battles, where their art serves as a mirror to their resilience and a testament to their growth. The paintings become a form of self-embrace, a reminder of their capacity to be both strong and tender, and a declaration of their desire to be seen and to occupy space assertively.

Takeaways

• 🎨 The speaker reflects on the feeling of accomplishment after completing a challenging task and the desire to reassure their past self.
• 🖌️ They have been working on finishing paintings, using an existing palette, which suggests a creative process and resourcefulness.
• 😔 The speaker admits to struggling with self-criticism and feeling unwell when speaking to the camera, indicating a moment of vulnerability.
• 🤯 They describe an internal battle with a critical voice that undermines their self-worth and can last for days or even weeks.
• 😞 The negative self-talk is personified as 'she' who clouds their vision and makes them feel unworthy, highlighting the depth of their internal conflict.
• 📅 The speaker mentions a recent four-day struggle with this negative voice, emphasizing the impact it has on their daily life.
• 🌞 Despite the darkness, there is an opposing force of light within them, represented by intuition, creativity, and a drive for growth.
• 💪 This positive force encourages self-care and reminds the speaker that their work is good enough, suggesting a path towards self-acceptance.
• 🎥 The act of creating, such as painting and journaling, serves as a therapeutic outlet and a way to document personal growth.
• 🌈 The speaker finds balance in embracing the duality of their experiences, recognizing that strength and softness coexist within them.
• 🤗 They view their paintings as a form of self-comfort, a reminder of their strength and the desire to be seen and take up space in the world.

Q & A

What does the 'aha' moment mentioned in the script refer to?

The 'aha' moment refers to the realization and relief one feels when looking back at a past challenge that seemed difficult at the time but is now overcome, prompting a desire to comfort one's past self.

Why did the speaker decide to use their existing palette for finishing drawings?

The speaker decided to use their existing palette to finish drawings because they already had it, and it seemed like a practical and resourceful decision.

How does the speaker describe their relationship with themselves when they are being overly critical?

The speaker describes their relationship with themselves as being very tough and mean, acknowledging that they can be their own harshest critic.

What does the speaker refer to as 'she' in the script?

The 'she' referred to in the script symbolizes the speaker's inner critic or negative self-talk, which brings out feelings of insignificance and self-doubt.

How often does the speaker mention that the 'dark cloud' aspect of themselves appears?

The speaker mentions that the 'dark cloud' aspect appears at least once a month and can sometimes stay longer, impacting their self-perception and mood.

What does the speaker do when they feel overwhelmed by negative thoughts?

When overwhelmed by negative thoughts, the speaker wants to disappear and become unseen, indicating a desire to escape from their current emotional state.

Why does the speaker feel that talking to the camera is difficult at times?

The speaker feels that talking to the camera is difficult because it can be an emotionally vulnerable act, and they may not always be in the right mental state to express themselves comfortably.

How does the speaker describe the role of their creativity and intuition in overcoming negative feelings?

The speaker describes creativity and intuition as a source of light and strength that helps them counteract negative feelings, showing up in their writing, painting, and videos to remind them of their worth.

What does the speaker consider their paintings to be?

The speaker considers their paintings to be a form of self-comfort, like hugs that take time to form but have a lasting impact, providing comfort to themselves and potentially others.

How does the speaker view the purpose of creating art in relation to their personal struggles?

The speaker views creating art as a way to manage and balance their personal struggles, using it as a tool to express and reconcile with their inner conflicts and to remind themselves of their strength and potential.

What is the speaker's ultimate desire regarding their self-perception and presence?

The speaker's ultimate desire is to be seen, to take up space, and to never feel small again, indicating a wish for self-assertion and self-worth.