122. How To Be More Confident and Calm in Your Communication: Managing the "ABC’s" of...

Summary

This podcast episode from Stanford Graduate School of Business focuses on overcoming communication anxiety through the ABCs of anxiety management: effective behavioral and cognitive techniques. Host Matt Abrahams discusses strategies like mindfulness, reframing negative thoughts, deep breathing, and physical warm-ups to enhance confidence and competence in high-stakes situations. Listeners are encouraged to create personalized anxiety management plans to optimize their communication skills.

Takeaways

• 🎓 The Stanford Graduate School of Business offers a LEAD online program for business professionals to enhance their skills and innovation mindset, with applications accepted until February 7th.
• 🗣️ Effective communication is closely tied to confidence, with competence being perceived by the audience when one is confident, but it's important to avoid overconfidence or arrogance.
• 🔍 Anxiety is the primary barrier to confident communication, affecting a significant majority of people in high-stakes situations, both spoken and written.
• 🧘 Mindfulness techniques can help manage anxiety by acknowledging negative feelings and recognizing that feeling nervous is normal.
• 💡 Professor Christian Wheeler emphasizes that it's normal to feel anxious in spontaneous situations and that the problem arises when we feel bad about being anxious.
• 🤗 Kelly McGonigal suggests reframing anxiety as a signal that we care, which can shift our perspective on the purpose of communication.
• 🌀 Deep breathing, especially emphasizing exhalation, can help control the autonomic nervous system and reduce anxiety's behavioral symptoms.
• 🏋️ Physical warm-ups, like those used in sports, can also be applied to communication to help calm the body and prepare for speaking.
• 💭 Cognitive symptoms of anxiety, such as flustered thinking or negative self-talk, can be mitigated by changing our mindset and using positive affirmations.
• 📋 Creating an Anxiety Management Plan (AMP) with 3-5 techniques from effective, behavioral, and cognitive categories can help individuals manage their anxiety in high-stakes communication scenarios.
• 📝 Encouragement to test and iterate on personal AMPs, sharing successful strategies with the Think Fast, Talk Smart community for collective learning.

Q & A

What is the Stanford Graduate School of Business LEAD online business program?

The LEAD online business program is a year-long online initiative by Stanford Graduate School of Business, where participants can refine their fundamental business skills, connect with a global network, and develop an innovation mindset.

What is the deadline for applying to the LEAD program mentioned in the script?

The application deadline for the LEAD program is February 7th.

Who is Matt Abrahams and what does he teach at Stanford Graduate School of Business?

Matt Abrahams is a lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business, where he teaches Strategic Communication.

What is the core equation for confident communication according to Matt Abrahams?

The core equation for confident communication is 'confidence equals competence', meaning the more confident a person is, the more competent and credible they appear to their audience.

What is the biggest barrier to confident communication as discussed in the script?

The biggest barrier to confident communication is anxiety, which affects a majority of people in high-stakes communication situations.

What percentage of people reportedly feel anxious in high-stakes communication situations?

Over 75% of people feel anxious in high-stakes communication situations.

What are the ABCs of anxiety management mentioned in the script?

The ABCs of anxiety management stand for effective behavioral and cognitive strategies, which include techniques to manage feelings, behaviors, and thoughts during stressful communication scenarios.

What does Professor Christian Wheeler suggest about anxiety and its relation to being unprepared?

Professor Christian Wheeler suggests that anxiety is a common response even when giving a planned, scripted presentation, and it becomes worse in uncontrollable circumstances like a Q&A session or making spontaneous remarks.

How does Kelly McGonigal view anxiety and how can it be reframed?

Kelly McGonigal views anxiety as a signal that one cares about the situation and suggests reframing anxiety as excitement to change one's mindset and response to the situation.

What advice does Andrew Huberman give regarding deep breathing to control autonomic nervous system responses?

Andrew Huberman advises emphasizing the exhale part of breathing to activate the calming arm of the nervous system more rapidly, and suggests doing a double inhale before a long exhale to help calm down.

What is an 'Anxiety Management Plan' or AMP as suggested by Matt Abrahams?

An Anxiety Management Plan (AMP) is a personalized strategy that individuals can use to manage their anxiety symptoms and sources, helping them to feel more comfortable and confident during high-stakes communication.

What is the recommended approach to create an effective AMP according to the script?

To create an effective AMP, one should select three to five techniques from the effective, behavioral, and cognitive categories that they believe will help them feel more at ease and confident, and then test and adjust the plan as needed.

How does the script suggest we deal with the physical symptoms of anxiety like sweating or a dry mouth?

The script suggests physical hacks such as holding a cold bottle of water to reduce sweating, sucking a lozenge, chewing gum, or drinking warm water to combat a dry mouth.

What is the significance of reframing negative self-talk as discussed by Alia Crum and Alison Wood Brooks?

Reframe negative self-talk into positive affirmations to redirect thoughts and approach speaking with a more positive mindset, which can help in reducing anxiety and enhancing communication.

What is the purpose of the 'Think Fast, Talk Smart The Podcast' as described in the script?

The purpose of 'Think Fast, Talk Smart The Podcast' is to provide insights and techniques to help individuals communicate more effectively and confidently, particularly in high-stakes situations.

Outlines

00:00

🎓 Stanford LEAD Program Introduction

Jenny introduces the Stanford Graduate School of Business's LEAD online program, emphasizing its year-long duration and focus on developing fundamental business skills, fostering a global network, and cultivating an innovation mindset. Applications are open until February 7th, and interested individuals can learn more by visiting the provided website. The paragraph transitions into a discussion on effective communication, with a focus on the importance of confidence, as taught by Matt Abrahams, and introduces the Think Fast, Talk Smart podcast.

05:00

🗣️ Overcoming Communication Anxiety

Matt Abrahams discusses the equation of confidence and competence in communication, noting that overconfidence should be avoided. He highlights anxiety as the primary barrier to confident communication, with a significant majority of people experiencing it in high-stakes situations. The ABCs of anxiety management are introduced as a framework for addressing this issue, with 'A' standing for acknowledging feelings and normalizing anxiety through mindfulness techniques, as exemplified by Professor Christian Wheeler's insights on spontaneous management.

10:02

💪 Behavioral Techniques for Anxiety Management

The paragraph delves into behavioral strategies to manage anxiety, such as deep breathing exercises as recommended by Andrew Huberman to control the autonomic nervous system. Other behavioral hacks include using large gestures to combat shakiness, holding a cold object to reduce sweating, and physical warmups to prepare for communication. The importance of warming up both voice and body is emphasized, drawing on advice from GSB Professor Jeffrey Pfeffer and theater practitioners.

15:03

🤓 Cognitive Approaches to Anxiety Reduction

Cognitive symptoms of anxiety, such as flustered thinking or negative self-talk, are addressed with mindset adjustments. Stanford's Alia Crum and Harvard's Alison Wood Brooks suggest reframing stress as potentially enhancing rather than debilitating, and relabeling anxiety as excitement. Positive affirmations are recommended to counteract negative self-talk, redirecting thoughts towards a more positive outlook on communication.

📝 Creating an Anxiety Management Plan (AMP)

Matt Abrahams encourages the creation of a personalized anxiety management plan (AMP) to leverage in high-stakes communication scenarios. The plan should consist of three to five techniques from the effective, behavioral, and cognitive categories. He shares his own AMP, which includes acknowledging normal anxiety, holding a cold bottle of water, and affirming self-worth. The importance of testing and iterating the plan is stressed, and listeners are invited to share their plans for potential inclusion in a collective resource.

🌟 Encouraging Personal Anxiety Management

The final paragraph wraps up the episode by reiterating the importance of managing anxiety to improve communication and audience focus. Listeners are urged to develop their own anxiety management plans based on the ABCs framework. The podcast production team is credited, and listeners are encouraged to engage with the podcast on various platforms, including subscribing, rating, and sharing it with their networks.

Keywords

💡LEAD online business program

The LEAD online business program is a year-long initiative by Stanford Graduate School of Business designed to refine participants' fundamental business skills. It emphasizes the development of an innovation mindset and the expansion of a global network, which is crucial for deepening one's impact as a leader. In the script, it is mentioned as a solution for those looking to enhance their leadership capabilities.

💡Strategic Communication

Strategic Communication is a course taught at Stanford Graduate School of Business, which focuses on the art and science of effective communication. In the context of the video, it is the foundation for the discussion on confident communication and overcoming anxiety in high-stakes situations, as taught by Matt Abrahams.

💡Confidence

Confidence, in the video, is presented as a critical component of effective communication, equated to competence. It is the belief in one's abilities which influences how credible and convincing a communicator is perceived by the audience. The script warns against overconfidence or arrogance, suggesting a balanced approach.

💡Anxiety

Anxiety is identified as the primary barrier to confident communication, with the script highlighting that a significant percentage of people experience it in high-stakes situations. It is discussed in terms of its behavioral and cognitive impacts on communication and as something that can be managed through various techniques.

💡Mindfulness

Mindfulness, as referenced in the script, involves acknowledging and accepting negative feelings without judgment. It is one of the techniques suggested for managing anxiety by reminding oneself that feeling anxious is normal, especially in high-pressure scenarios.

💡Behavioral symptoms

Behavioral symptoms refer to the physical manifestations of anxiety, such as a rapid heart rate or sweating, which can affect performance. The script discusses methods to manage these symptoms, including deep breathing and physical warm-ups, to calm the body and mind.

💡Cognitive symptoms

Cognitive symptoms impact the brain's functionality during stressful situations, potentially causing flustered speech or memory lapses. The script suggests reframing negative thoughts and adopting positive affirmations to counteract these symptoms and improve communication.

💡Anxiety Management Plan (AMP)

An Anxiety Management Plan (AMP) is a personalized strategy that individuals can use to mitigate the effects of anxiety during communication. The script encourages creating an AMP with a combination of effective, behavioral, and cognitive techniques to enhance comfort and confidence.

💡Positive affirmations

Positive affirmations are statements that individuals repeat to themselves to foster a positive mindset. In the script, they are recommended as part of an AMP to refocus negative self-talk and promote a more optimistic approach to communication.

💡Autonomic nervous system

The autonomic nervous system controls involuntary bodily functions, such as heart rate and digestion. The script mentions controlling this system through breathing techniques to induce calmness and reduce anxiety's behavioral symptoms.

💡Reframing

Reframing is a cognitive technique discussed in the script where individuals reinterpret their anxious feelings as excitement or a sign that they care deeply about the communication. This mental shift can help in reducing nervousness and enhancing performance.

Highlights

Stanford Graduate School of Business offers a LEAD online business program to develop fundamental business skills and an innovation mindset.

The LEAD program is accepting applications through February 7th, with more information available at grow.stanford.edu/lead.

Confidence in communication is linked to perceived competence, but overconfidence should be avoided.

Anxiety is the biggest barrier to confident communication, affecting a majority of people in high-stakes situations.

The ABCs of anxiety management include effective behavioral and cognitive strategies to handle communication stress.

Mindfulness techniques can help in acknowledging and normalizing anxiety during communication.

Anxiety can be reframed as a signal that one cares about the communication outcome, as suggested by Kelly McGonigal.

Deep breathing, particularly emphasizing exhalation, can activate the calming part of the nervous system.

Physical gestures or movement can help reduce shakiness associated with adrenaline during presentations.

Holding a cold object can lower core body temperature and reduce nervous sweating and blushing.

Dry mouth can be countered by sucking a lozenge, chewing gum, or drinking warm water before speaking.

Physical warmups are recommended to calm oneself before communication, as suggested by Jeffrey Pfeffer.

Changing one's mindset towards stress can transform it from debilitating to performance-enhancing.

Reframing anxiety as excitement can be an effective coping strategy for high-stakes communication.

Positive affirmations can help refocus negative self-talk into a more positive mindset for communication.

Creating an anxiety management plan (AMP) with 3-5 techniques can help individuals manage communication anxiety.

Testing and iterating the AMP allows individuals to find the most effective techniques for their personal needs.

Listeners are encouraged to create and share their own anxiety management plans for feedback and improvement.

The podcast concludes by emphasizing the importance of managing anxiety to enhance communication effectiveness.

Transcripts

[SOUND] Hi listeners, Jenny here.

You often ask us how you can learn

more about the topics we cover and

deepen your impact as leaders.

I want to take a quick

minute to suggest one solution.

Stanford Graduate School of

Businesses LEAD online business

program.

In this year long online program

participants hone fundamental

business skills.

They connect and

tap into a global network and they

emerge with an innovation mindset.

LEAD is now accepting applications

through February 7th so go check it

out at grow.stanford.edu/lead now

to learn more.

>> When it comes to effective

communication confidence is key.

[MUSIC]

I'm Matt Abrahams and I teach

Strategic Communication at Stanford

Graduate School of Business.

Welcome to this quick

thinks episode of Think Fast,

Talk Smart The Podcast.

Confident communication boils down

to a simple equation,

confidence equals competence.

The more confident you are the more

competent and credible your

audience will see you as.

Of course,

you can take this to an extreme and

I am certainly not suggesting that

we all be overconfident or arrogant

when we interact with others.

Believe me, I work and

teach in Silicon Valley and

I spend a lot of time talking about

confidence versus arrogance.

Now, the biggest barrier to

confident communication is anxiety.

Most people, upwards of

75% of people feel anxious in high

stakes communication situations be

it written or spoken, in-person or

virtual with large audiences or

small, synchronous or asynchronous.

I think I covered all the bases

there.

Today with the help of clips from

experts from previous Think Fast,

Talk Smart episodes,

I hope to provide you with several

communication anxiety management

techniques to help you feel more

comfortable and

confident when you communicate.

As a guide to help us learn these

techniques, we'll be talking about

the ABCs of anxiety management that

stands for effective, behavioral,

and cognitive.

Effective symptoms relate to how we

feel and respond when stressed or

under pressure to perform well.

Many of us feel intensely negative

when we find ourselves in

high-stakes communication

situations.

We often feel that once these

negative feelings starts we can't

do much to stop them.

It feels like a like a train has

left the station yet

there are a few things we can do.

For example, we can use techniques

that come from the study of

mindfulness, that encourage us to

acknowledge unhelpful or negative

feelings that arise and remind

ourselves that feeling anxious and

speaking is completely normal.

In fact,

it is unnormal not to feel nervous.

Also, these negative feelings do

not define us.

As Professor Christian Wheeler

shares in episode 18 when he talks

about his

class on spontaneous management.

>> A lot of people feel anxious

even giving a planned scripted

presentation in front of others and

how much worse is that when you're

dealing with circumstances that

you can't completely control.

Such as a question and answer

session that goes differently than

you anticipated or just being asked

to make spontaneous

remarks about something.

Sometimes when we get in these

situations where we can get

a little anxious and then we get

anxious about being anxious.

>> Yeah. >> We feel bad about being

anxious and

that's where the problem starts.

There's nothing wrong

with being uncomfortable.

The problem is with your discomfort

at being uncomfortable.

And so, we work on exercises

teaching people to be in that

situation and to respond in that

situation with a sense of calm they

can acknowledge that they feel a

little bit anxious but they're not

going to dwell on it and they're

going to trust their minds to

bubble up the necessary responses

that they have in that moment.

>> By becoming aware of your

feelings and how they impact you,

you create a sense of agency which

provides you with the ability

to reframe your negative

thoughts in a more positive way.

Another effective technique comes

from Stanford lecturer and award

winning author Kelly McGonigal,

who in episode 69 shares how she

sees her anxiety as a signal.

>> What I have come to value about

anxiety is it's a sign that I care.

So, for example, when I start to

feel anxious now, I will say to

myself my heart is in it.

The purpose of any really

interesting communication should be

for the other person to have

interesting thoughts in

their own head about your work.

It's not to convince them that

your work is right or important or

that you know everything about it.

They are having their own

interesting spontaneous thoughts

and questions,

that's the measure of success.

>> Beyond effective

experiences of anxiety that we can

address through acknowledging and

reframing our fear and reminding

ourselves that it is normal and

natural we need also to address

behavioral symptoms and sources.

Behavioral experiences, as the name

suggests, relate to behaviors such

as rapid heart rate, sweating,

stuttering, and so many more.

One tried-and-true method to

address behavioral anxiety issues

is deep breathing.

Andrew Huberman,

host of the Huberman Lab podcast in

episode 66, shared his thoughts on

controlling our autonomic nervous

system and breathing.

>> There are direct control points

through which we can control

the autonomic nervous system

meaning that we can

dial down the level of alertness or

increase the level of calmness.

When you are stressed,

you are breathing less deeply,

the most common advice is to take

a deep breath.

>> Right. >> It turns out that's

exactly the wrong advice.

>> No! >> Exhale emphasize

breathing leads to much more rapid

activation of the calming arm

of the nervous system.

And it turns out you don't just

want to exhale, you want to do

a double inhale so inhale through

the nose and then before you exhale

sneak in a little bit more air and

then do a long exhale and you

do this just one to three times.

>> Breathing in this manner slows

down your heart rate,

slows down your speaking rate and

can help you feel calmer.

Here are a few other quick tips to

reduce some of the behavioral

symptoms many of us experience.

When we get shaky,

that's adrenaline trying to move us

from threat to safety.

Use big broad gestures or

step towards your audience if

you're in person that movement will

help the shakiness abate.

Some of us, like myself,

sweat when we get nervous.

That's your core body temperature

going up, your blood is pumping

faster, your vessels are tightening

this causes your blood pressure to

go up it's like you're exercising.

By cooling ourselves down,

we can reduce the blushing and

sweating.

A great way to do this is simply to

hold a cold bottle of water or

glass of water in your hands this

reduces your core body temperature.

We've all done this in reverse on

a cold morning if we've held a warm

cup of coffee or

tea and felt it warming us up.

Some of us get dry mouth,

a great way to reverse that is to

suck a lozenge, chew some gum or

drink some warm water right before

you speak.

Finally, GSB Professor Jeffrey

Pfeffer, in episode 34 reminds us

that it is important to do physical

warmups to calm ourselves down.

>> Well, I think, when I have built

English and Suzy were co founders

and of the San Francisco Playhouse

come and teach by session

on acting with power.

They give the students fabulous

advice which I will pass on on

their behalf to your listeners and

that is to warm up.

So they talk about getting your

voice warmed up, getting

your body warmed up obviously

[INAUDIBLE] Matt, you're going to

go play football before and

particularly given our ages.

But even before you went on

the football field, you would

probably do some stretches and

some exercises to warm up.

And the same advice holds for

speech and communication you want

to warm up so that when you enter

the moment you are as relaxed and

as ready to go as you can.

>> The many people I teach and

coach find these behavioral hacks

super helpful.

Beyond effective and behavioral,

the third category that we need to

address is cognitive.

Cognitive symptoms affect our

brain's ability to function

smoothly.

We become flustered or

forgetting what we intended to say.

Additionally, we fall victim to all

of the bad things we

say to ourselves, something

academics call negative self-talk.

We can do several things to help

avoid these issues.

Here is advice from Stanford

professor Alia Crum in episode 40,

followed immediately by guidance

from Harvard Business

School Professor Alison Wood Brooks

in episode 73.

>> Most people have the mindset

that stressful situations

are inherently debilitating.

They're going to ultimately make us

sick, make us struggle,

make us crumble under pressure.

When you look at the truth about

the stress which is like most

thing very complicated, you realize

that is a simplified assumption.

It's not necessarily wrong but it's

only one way of viewing stress.

And you start to realize

that the true nature of stress

is more complex.

And in fact, there's a whole other

side of stress that reveals to

us that the body's stress response,

the mind's stress response was not

designed to be debilitating but

instead designed to help us elevate

our performance and behavior to

meet the demands we're facing.

There's a whole side of stress that

shows that it can have enhancing

qualities on our

cognitive functioning,

our physical health and on how we

behave and interact with others.

And so,

our work is not necessarily to find

out the truth of stress what is or

what isn't but to look at how our

mindsets the core assumptions we

make about it shape how we respond

in stressful situations.

And what we've shown is that if we

can get people to open their minds,

to this notion that stress can

be enhancing,

that stress can help you rise to

a newer level of understanding, can

deepen your connection with others,

can make us even physiologically

grow tougher and stronger.

Having that focus Shifts

are attention and behaviors in ways

that make that mindset more true.

So we tried a very simple coping

strategy, a very simple

intervention and the question was

can people reframe their anxious

feelings as excitement?

And it's a really simple idea but

the reason that it works is because

when we feel anxious we have this

crazy instinct that we should try

and calm down,

like really powerful.

Everybody feels like they should

calm down when they're anxious and

that's hard.

That would require that we mitigate

the physiological signs of anxiety

so you're racing heart,

sweaty palms,

faked cortisol in your body you're

trying to like push those down.

As well as move from the negative

valence, right, like a negative

emotion like anxiety and move into

the positive zone of calmness.

And that two-step move, reducing

the physiological signals and

moving from negative to positive,

it's pretty much impossible.

It's very, very hard especially

the physiological component of it.

So, instead,

what reframing as acceptance does

is it allows you to stay in that

high arousal zone you're not trying

to combat your automatic

physiological processes but instead

you're just doing this mental

reframe from negative to positive.

>> Both Alia and Alison point to

how our mindset affects how we feel

about our anxiety.

By changing our mindset,

what we focus on we can feel less

nervous and perhaps even excited.

Further we can refocus our negative

self talk by adopting positive

affirmations like I have value to

add and I've got this.

These mantras,

redirect our thoughts and

help us to be more positive in how

we approach our speaking.

With this understanding of

effective behavioral and

cognitive techniques, now we

need to put these into action and

create what I call an anxiety

management plan or AMP.

For decades now I've encouraged my

students and people I coach to

create a personalized anxiety

management plan that they can

leverage whenever they're put

on the spot to speak.

Having a plan handy helps

you manage both the symptoms and

sources that make

anxiety challenging.

An AMP serves as a recipe you

can follow to calm yourself down so

you can communicate at your best.

I hear from students from years ago

who share how they are all still

using their amps to help them.

In fact, just the other week I

heard from a student who leveraged

his plan to help him deliver what

he called a killer toast for

his brother's wedding.

I have found that the best anxiety

management plans consist of three

to five techniques that you think

will help you feel more comfortable

and confident in your high

stakes communication.

Try to pick examples from each

of the effective behavioral and

cognitive categories to

make sure you cover all the bases.

I still get nervous in certain

situations.

In fact, I was recently in

Australia presenting in front of

many distinguished Stanford

alumni and I freaked out a bit.

Luckily, I used

my anxiety management plan to

calm myself down.

My plan consists of three steps.

From an effective point of view, I

reminded myself that it's normal to

be anxious in these situations and

it reminded me that I really

care about what I'm saying.

From a behavioral perspective, I

held a cold bottle of water to help

reduce my sweating and blushing.

And then finally,

from a cognitive perspective,

I said to myself,

I have value to bring.

This plan helped me to

feel more comfortable and

to deliver a good communication.

Once you have a plan,

you next need to test it out.

Your plan is really a set of

hypotheses some may turn out to be

helpful and others less so.

Simply iterate and adjust until you

find what works for you.

We are profoundly curious about

what your anxiety management plans

might sound like.

Do us a favor, create your anxiety

management plan and then send it

to us at [email protected].

We'll collect listeners anxiety

management plans and share some of

the best practices we learn.

The bottom line is this,

there are many things we can do

to help ourselves feel more

comfortable, calm and

confident when we communicate.

This helps us do better and

it helps our audience to focus

more clearly on what we're

saying without being distracted

by our anxiety signals.

I encourage all of you to create

your own anxiety management

plans based on the ABCs of anxiety

management and I look forward to

hearing about your success.

>> You've been listening to Think

Fast, Talk Smart, The Podcast,

a production of Stanford Graduate

School of Business.

This episode was produced by H Ash,

Jenny Luna, and me, Matt Abrahams.

Our music

was provided by Floyd Wonder.

For more information and episodes,

find us on YouTube or

wherever you get your podcasts.

And please make sure to subscribe

and follow us on LinkedIn and

give us a five star rating and

tell your friends, families and

co-workers about Think Fast,

Talk Smart.

[MUSIC]