The brain in love | Helen Fisher

Summary

This script delves into the neuroscience of romantic love, exploring brain activity in individuals experiencing love's euphoria and heartbreak. It discusses the reward system's role, comparing love's allure to addiction, and highlights the universality of love across cultures and species. The speaker also ponders the enduring nature of love, even after decades of marriage, and the biological underpinnings that might influence our choice of partner.

Takeaways

• 🧠 The study of 'madly in love' individuals with fMRI has shown brain activity in the ventral tegmental area (VTA), which is part of the brain's reward system and is associated with wanting, motivation, focus, and craving.
• 💔 Post-breakup individuals show increased activity in the same brain regions associated with intense romantic love, suggesting a stronger desire for the person post-rejection.
• 🔍 Activity in the brain's reward system increases when one can't get what they want, which in the context of love, can lead to a heightened sense of attachment and motivation to win over a partner.
• ❤️ Romantic love is described as a powerful drive and an addiction, with characteristics such as focus, obsession, craving, and the willingness to take risks for the beloved.
• 🎯 The speaker suggests that romantic love is a basic mating drive that helps individuals focus their mating energy on one person at a time, conserving resources and initiating the mating process.
• 🌍 Anthropological evidence indicates that romantic love is a universal human experience, found in 170 societies across the world.
• 📚 The speaker's research has expanded to include long-term couples who claim to still be in love, finding similar brain activity patterns as those newly in love, even after 25 years.
• 🐘 The concept of 'animal favoritism' suggests that animals also exhibit selective preferences in mating, hinting at a biological basis for attraction that may extend to humans.
• 💊 Romantic love is compared to a powerful substance, influencing the brain in ways that can be both wonderfully addictive and horribly distressing.
• 🤔 The speaker is investigating why individuals fall in love with specific people, considering factors such as personality types associated with brain chemical ratios.
• 🔬 A questionnaire has been developed to understand the biological pull towards certain individuals, potentially shedding light on the mysteries of attraction and compatibility.

Q & A

What type of brain activity was observed in people who were madly in love during the functional MRI brain scanner study?

The study observed activity in a region near the base of the brain called the ventral tegmental area (VTA), which is part of the brain's reward system and is associated with wanting, motivation, focus, and craving.

How does the brain's response to romantic love differ from its response to cocaine?

While the same brain region becomes active during romantic love and cocaine use, romantic love involves a more profound obsession that possesses the individual, leading to an inability to stop thinking about the loved one and a loss of sense of self.

What are the brain regions activated in people who have been rejected by someone they love?

In addition to the region associated with intense romantic love, activity was found in areas associated with calculating gains and losses, and in regions related to deep attachment to another individual.

What is the significance of the temple in Tikal, Guatemala, in relation to the concept of love?

The temple was built by Jasaw Chan K'awiil in honor of his wife, and it is designed such that during the equinoxes, the sun casts the shadow of one temple onto the other, symbolizing the couple's love and connection even in death.

What percentage of college students reported having been rejected by someone they loved or having rejected someone who loved them?

Almost 95 percent of both men and women reported having experienced both scenarios.

How does the speaker describe the nature of romantic love based on their research?

The speaker describes romantic love as a basic mating drive, an addiction with characteristics such as focus on the person, obsessive thinking, craving, and a willingness to take risks.

What is the role of the ventral tegmental area (VTA) in the brain during romantic love?

The VTA is involved in the brain's reward system, producing dopamine, which is a natural stimulant, and is associated with wanting, motivation, focus, and craving.

What is the speaker's view on the universality of romantic love across cultures?

The speaker believes that romantic love is universal, as anthropologists have found evidence of it in 170 societies, and no society has been found without it.

What is the speaker's perspective on the impact of understanding the brain mechanisms of love on personal experiences of love?

The speaker suggests that understanding the brain mechanisms of love does not spoil the experience of love, comparing it to knowing the ingredients of a chocolate cake and still enjoying it.

What is the speaker's current research focus regarding the reasons why people fall in love with one person rather than another?

The speaker is working on understanding the biological factors that might pull people towards certain individuals, such as the expression levels of dopamine, serotonin, estrogen, and testosterone, which they believe are associated with four broad personality types.

Outlines

00:00

🧬 The Neuroscience of Love

The speaker introduces a series of studies involving brain scans of people in different stages of romantic love. They describe an experiment with individuals who are madly in love, happily in love, and those who have recently experienced a breakup. The narrative then shifts to a historical account of a Mayan Sun King's love story, symbolized by the alignment of two temples during equinoxes. This sets the stage for a broader discussion on the universality of love across cultures and its powerful influence on human emotions and actions, including the capacity for love to cause both joy and pain.

05:01

💔 The Persistent Passion of Unrequited Love

This paragraph delves into the obsessive nature of romantic love, particularly when it is unrequited. The speaker shares the challenges faced by the research subjects who had been recently rejected, highlighting the difficulty of moving on from such intense emotions. The brain imaging data reveals continued activity in regions associated with romantic love, suggesting that rejection can intensify feelings rather than diminish them. The speaker also touches on the brain's reward system, which paradoxically becomes more active when the desired partner is unattainable, and discusses the brain's response to loss and the tendency to take risks for love.

10:02

🐘 Love Across Species and the 'Chemistry' of Attraction

The speaker broadens the discussion to include the concept of love in the animal kingdom, suggesting that animals also exhibit selective preferences in mating. They argue that attraction, even if fleeting, involves the same brain regions and reward chemicals as in humans. The speaker reflects on the personal impact of their research on love, expressing that understanding the science behind love does not detract from its magic but rather deepens their appreciation for it. They also introduce a new experiment involving long-term couples, revealing that the brain regions associated with romantic love remain active even after many years.

15:03

🤔 The Pursuit of Understanding Love's Mysteries

In the final paragraph, the speaker discusses ongoing research aimed at understanding why individuals fall in love with specific people. They mention a collaboration with Match.com and the development of a questionnaire designed to explore personality types based on the brain's chemical balance. The speaker is intrigued by the biological factors that might influence whom we are attracted to and is compiling data from millions of people who have taken the questionnaire. They conclude by emphasizing the importance of understanding the biological and psychological aspects of love and the challenges it presents in human relationships.

Keywords

💡Functional MRI

Functional MRI, or fMRI, is a neuroimaging procedure that measures and maps the brain's activity by detecting changes associated with blood flow. In the video's context, it is used to study the brain's response to different stages of love, such as being 'happily in love' or 'just been dumped.' The script mentions the use of fMRI to observe brain activity in 37 people experiencing various states of love.

💡Ventral Tegmental Area (VTA)

The ventral tegmental area is a region in the brain involved in reward, motivation, and attention. It is part of the brain's reward system and is associated with the release of dopamine. In the script, the VTA is highlighted as the area showing activity in people who are 'happily in love,' indicating its role in the experience of romantic love.

💡Dopamine

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter responsible for reward and pleasure. It is produced in certain areas of the brain, including the VTA, and is associated with the feeling of being in love. The script describes how the A10 cells in the VTA, which produce dopamine, are active in the brains of those experiencing romantic love, drawing parallels to the effects of cocaine.

💡Reptilian Core

The 'reptilian core' of the brain refers to the more primitive areas associated with basic drives and instincts, such as the brain stem and parts of the limbic system. The script uses this term to describe the part of the brain where the VTA is located, suggesting that romantic love is linked to our most fundamental desires and motivations.

💡Obsession

In the context of the video, obsession refers to the intense, consuming focus on a loved one that characterizes romantic love. It is described as possessing individuals, causing them to lose their sense of self and to be unable to stop thinking about the other person. The script illustrates this with the line 'You can't stop thinking about another human being.'

💡Rejection

Rejection in the context of the video refers to the experience of being dumped or not reciprocated in love. It is associated with increased activity in the brain's reward system, which paradoxically intensifies feelings of love rather than diminishing them. The script discusses how people who have been rejected show activity in the same brain regions as those who are 'happily in love.'

💡Nucleus Accumbens

The nucleus accumbens is a region of the brain involved in the brain's reward system and is associated with pleasure, motivation, and the anticipation of rewards. In the script, it is mentioned as the area that becomes active when individuals are calculating their gains and losses after a romantic rejection, reflecting the brain's response to loss and the potential for risk-taking.

💡Attachment

Attachment in the video refers to the deep emotional bond that forms between individuals in a romantic relationship. It is linked to suffering and crimes of passion when the attachment is broken by rejection. The script describes how regions of the brain associated with attachment show activity in people who have been rejected, indicating the depth of the emotional connection.

💡Addiction

The concept of addiction in the video is used to describe the intense and compulsive nature of romantic love, which shares characteristics with substance addiction, such as focus, craving, and the willingness to take risks. The script explains that romantic love can be both a wonderful and a horrible addiction, depending on its progression.

💡Animal Favoritism

Animal favoritism is the term used in the script to describe the selective preferences that animals exhibit in choosing mates. It suggests that animals, like humans, have preferences and do not mate indiscriminately. The script mentions that ethologists have identified various terms for this behavior, indicating that selective attraction is a widespread phenomenon in the animal kingdom.

💡Chemistry.com

Chemistry.com is a dating site mentioned in the script that was created based on the understanding of brain chemistry and its influence on romantic attraction. The site uses a questionnaire to assess individuals' levels of certain chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, estrogen, and testosterone, which are believed to influence personality and compatibility in relationships.

Highlights

37 individuals in love were studied using functional MRI brain scanners, divided into 17 happily in love and 15 who had been recently dumped.

A third experiment involves studying couples who claim to still be in love after 10 to 25 years of marriage.

The Mayan Sun King Jasaw Chan K'awiil built a temple in Tikal as a testament to his love for his wife, symbolized by the shadow play during equinoxes.

Anthropological evidence shows romantic love exists in 170 societies, with no society found devoid of it.

Almost 95 percent of college students have experienced both rejecting someone they love and being rejected by someone who loves them.

The poem by an anonymous Kwakiutl Indian from 1896 is considered one of the most powerful love poems, capturing the intense emotions of love.

Romantic love is described as one of the most powerful sensations on Earth, with the potential to cause both elation and suffering.

The ventral tegmental area (VTA) and A10 cells, associated with the reward system, were found active in people happily in love.

Romantic love is compared to an addiction, with the brain's reward system showing increased activity when the desired partner is unattainable.

Brain activity in regions associated with calculating gains and losses is observed in individuals who have been rejected in love.

The deep attachment felt in love is linked to brain regions that become active even after rejection, leading to intense focus and motivation.

Romantic love is characterized as a drive and an addiction, with the potential for both positive and negative impacts on individuals.

Animals also exhibit selective mating behaviors and 'animal favoritism,' suggesting a biological basis for attraction.

The speaker's understanding of love has deepened through their research, but it has not diminished their experience of it.

Long-term romantic love is confirmed by brain scans showing activity in the same regions as new love, even after 25 years.

A new experiment aims to understand why individuals fall in love with specific people, considering biological and personality factors.

Chemistry.com, a dating site, uses a questionnaire to assess dopamine, serotonin, estrogen, and testosterone levels to predict romantic compatibility.

The speaker emphasizes the biological basis of love and the importance of understanding the brain mechanisms that guide our romantic choices.

Transcripts

I and my colleagues Art Aron and Lucy Brown and others,

have put 37 people who are madly in love into a functional MRI brain scanner.

17 who were happily in love, 15 who had just been dumped,

and we're just starting our third experiment:

studying people who report that they're still in love

after 10 to 25 years of marriage.

So, this is the short story of that research.

In the jungles of Guatemala, in Tikal, stands a temple.

It was built by the grandest Sun King, of the grandest city-state,

of the grandest civilization of the Americas, the Mayas.

His name was Jasaw Chan K'awiil.

He stood over six feet tall.

He lived into his 80s,

and he was buried beneath this monument in 720 AD.

And Mayan inscriptions proclaim that he was deeply in love with his wife.

So, he built a temple in her honor, facing his.

And every spring and autumn, exactly at the equinox,

the sun rises behind his temple,

and perfectly bathes her temple with his shadow.

And as the sun sets behind her temple in the afternoon,

it perfectly bathes his temple with her shadow.

After 1,300 years, these two lovers still touch and kiss from their tomb.

Around the world, people love.

They sing for love, they dance for love,

they compose poems and stories about love.

They tell myths and legends about love.

They pine for love, they live for love, they kill for love, and they die for love.

As Walt Whitman once said, "O I would stake all for you."

Anthropologists have found evidence of romantic love in 170 societies.

They've never found a society that did not have it.

But love isn't always a happy experience.

In one study of college students, they asked a lot of questions about love,

but the two that stood out to me the most were:

"Have you ever been rejected by somebody who you really loved?"

And the second question was:

"Have you ever dumped somebody who really loved you?"

And almost 95 percent of both men and women said yes to both.

Almost nobody gets out of love alive.

So, before I start telling you about the brain,

I want to read for you

what I think is the most powerful love poem on Earth.

There's other love poems that are, of course, just as good,

but I don't think this one can be surpassed.

It was told by an anonymous Kwakiutl Indian of southern Alaska

to a missionary in 1896.

And here it is.

I've never had the opportunity to say it before.

"Fire runs through my body with the pain of loving you.

Pain runs through my body with the fires of my love for you.

Pain like a boil about to burst with my love for you,

consumed by fire with my love for you.

I remember what you said to me.

I am thinking of your love for me.

I am torn by your love for me.

Pain and more pain --

where are you going with my love?

I am told you will go from here.

I am told you will leave me here.

My body is numb with grief.

Remember what I said, my love.

Goodbye, my love, goodbye."

Emily Dickinson once wrote, "Parting is all we need to know of hell."

How many people have suffered

in all the millions of years of human evolution?

How many people around the world

are dancing with elation at this very minute?

Romantic love is one of the most powerful sensations on Earth.

So, several years ago, I decided to look into the brain

and study this madness.

Our first study of people who were happily in love

has been widely publicized,

so I'm only going to say very little about it.

We found activity in a tiny, little factory near the base of the brain

called the ventral tegmental area.

We found activity in some cells called the A10 cells,

cells that actually make dopamine, a natural stimulant,

and spray it to many brain regions.

Indeed, this part, the VTA, is part of the brain's reward system.

It's way below your cognitive thinking process.

It's below your emotions.

It's part of what we call the reptilian core of the brain,

associated with wanting, with motivation, with focus and with craving.

In fact, the same brain region where we found activity

becomes active also when you feel the rush of cocaine.

But romantic love is much more than a cocaine high --

at least you come down from cocaine.

Romantic love is an obsession, it possesses you.

You lose your sense of self.

You can't stop thinking about another human being.

Somebody is camping in your head.

As an eighth-century Japanese poet said, "My longing had no time when it ceases."

Wild is love.

And the obsession can get worse when you've been rejected.

So, right now, Lucy Brown and I, the neuroscientists on our project,

are looking at the data of the people

who were put into the machine after they had just been dumped.

It was very difficult actually, putting these people in the machine,

because they were in such bad shape.

(Laughter)

So anyway, we found activity in three brain regions.

We found activity in the brain region,

in exactly the same brain region associated with intense romantic love.

What a bad deal.

You know, when you've been dumped,

the one thing you love to do is just forget about this human being,

and then go on with your life -- but no, you just love them harder.

As the poet Terence, the Roman poet once said,

he said, "The less my hope, the hotter my love."

And indeed, we now know why.

Two thousand years later, we can explain this in the brain.

That brain system -- the reward system

for wanting, for motivation, for craving, for focus --

becomes more active when you can't get what you want.

In this case, life's greatest prize: an appropriate mating partner.

We found activity in other brain regions also --

in a brain region associated with calculating gains and losses.

You're lying there, you're looking at the picture,

and you're in this machine,

and you're calculating what went wrong.

What have I lost?

As a matter of fact, Lucy and I have a little joke about this.

It comes from a David Mamet play,

and there's two con artists in the play,

and the woman is conning the man,

and the man looks at the woman and says,

"Oh, you're a bad pony, I'm not going to bet on you."

And indeed, it's this part of the brain,

the core of the nucleus accumbens,

that is becoming active as you're measuring your gains and losses.

It's also the brain region that becomes active

when you're willing to take enormous risks for huge gains and huge losses.

Last but not least, we found activity in a brain region

associated with deep attachment to another individual.

No wonder people suffer around the world, and we have so many crimes of passion.

When you've been rejected in love,

not only are you engulfed with feelings of romantic love,

but you're feeling deep attachment to this individual.

Moreover, this brain circuit for reward is working,

and you're feeling intense energy, intense focus, intense motivation

and the willingness to risk it all, to win life's greatest prize.

So, what have I learned from this experiment

that I would like to tell the world?

Foremost, I have come to think

that romantic love is a drive, a basic mating drive.

Not the sex drive --

the sex drive gets you looking for a whole range of partners.

Romantic love enables you to focus your mating energy

on just one at a time, conserve your mating energy,

and start the mating process with this single individual.

I think of all the poetry that I've read about romantic love,

what sums it up best is something that is said by Plato

over 2,000 years ago.

He said, "The god of love lives in a state of need.

It is a need, it is an urge, it is a homeostatic imbalance.

Like hunger and thirst, it's almost impossible to stamp out."

I've also come to believe that romantic love is an addiction:

a perfectly wonderful addiction when it's going well,

and a perfectly horrible addiction when it's going poorly.

And indeed, it has all of the characteristics of addiction.

You focus on the person, you obsessively think about them,

you crave them, you distort reality,

your willingness to take enormous risks to win this person.

And it's got the three main characteristics of addiction:

tolerance, you need to see them more, and more, and more;

withdrawals;

and last: relapse.

I've got a girlfriend who's just getting over a terrible love affair.

It's been about eight months, she's beginning to feel better.

And she was driving along in her car the other day,

and suddenly she heard a song on the car radio

that reminded her of this man.

Not only did the instant craving come back,

but she had to pull over from the side of the road and cry.

So, one thing I would like the medical community,

and the legal community, and even the college community,

to see if they can understand, that indeed, romantic love

is one of the most addictive substances on Earth.

I would also like to tell the world that animals love.

There's not an animal on this planet

that will copulate with anything that comes along.

Too old, too young, too scruffy, too stupid, and they won't do it.

Unless you're stuck in a laboratory cage --

and you know, if you spend your entire life in a little box,

you're not going to be as picky about who you have sex with,

but I've looked in a hundred species,

and everywhere in the wild, animals have favorites.

As a matter of fact, ethologists know this.

There are over eight words for what they call "animal favoritism:"

selective proceptivity, mate choice, female choice, sexual choice.

And indeed, there are now three academic articles

in which they've looked at this attraction,

which may only last for a second,

but it's a definite attraction,

and either this same brain region, this reward system,

or the chemicals of that reward system are involved.

In fact, I think animal attraction can be instant --

you can see an elephant instantly go for another elephant.

And I think that this is really the origin

of what you and I call "love at first sight."

People have often asked me

whether what I know about love has spoiled it for me.

And I just simply say, "Hardly."

You can know every single ingredient in a piece of chocolate cake,

and then when you sit down and eat that cake,

you can still feel that joy.

And certainly, I make all the same mistakes that everybody else does too,

but it's really deepened my understanding

and compassion, really, for all human life.

As a matter of fact, in New York, I often catch myself

looking in baby carriages and feeling a little sorry for the tot.

And in fact, sometimes I feel a little sorry

for the chicken on my dinner plate,

when I think of how intense this brain system is.

Our newest experiment has been hatched

by my colleague, Art Aron --

putting people who are reporting that they are still in love,

in a long-term relationship, into the functional MRI.

We've put five people in so far,

and indeed, we found exactly the same thing.

They're not lying.

The brain areas associated with intense romantic love

still become active, 25 years later.

There are still many questions to be answered

and asked about romantic love.

The question that I'm working on right this minute --

and I'm only going to say it for a second, and then end --

is, why do you fall in love with one person, rather than another?

I never would have even thought to think of this,

but Match.com, the Internet dating site,

came to me three years ago and asked me that question.

And I said, I don't know.

I know what happens in the brain, when you do become in love,

but I don't know why you fall in love with one person rather than another.

And so, I've spent the last three years on this.

And there are many reasons that you fall in love with one person

rather than another, that psychologists can tell you.

And we tend to fall in love with somebody from the same socioeconomic background,

the same general level of intelligence, of good looks, the same religious values.

Your childhood certainly plays a role, but nobody knows how.

And that's about it, that's all they know.

No, they've never found

the way two personalities fit together to make a good relationship.

So, it began to occur to me

that maybe your biology pulls you towards some people rather than another.

And I have concocted a questionnaire to see to what degree

you express dopamine, serotonin, estrogen and testosterone.

I think we've evolved four very broad personality types

associated with the ratios of these four chemicals in the brain.

And on this dating site that I have created, called Chemistry.com,

I ask you first a series of questions

to see to what degree you express these chemicals,

and I'm watching who chooses who to love.

And 3.7 million people have taken the questionnaire in America.

About 600,000 people have taken it in 33 other countries.

I'm putting the data together now,

and at some point -- there will always be magic to love,

but I think I will come closer to understanding

why it is you can walk into a room and everybody is from your background,

your same general level of intelligence, good looks,

and you don't feel pulled towards all of them.

I think there's biology to that.

I think we're going to end up, in the next few years,

to understand all kinds of brain mechanisms

that pull us to one person rather than another.

So, I will close with this.

These are my older people.

Faulkner said, "The past is not dead, it's not even past."

Indeed, we carry a lot of luggage from our yesteryear in the human brain.

And so, there's one thing that makes me pursue my understanding of human nature,

and this reminds me of it.

These are two women.

Women tend to get intimacy differently than men do.

Women get intimacy from face-to-face talking.

We swivel towards each other,

we do what we call the "anchoring gaze" and we talk.

This is intimacy to women.

I think it comes from millions of years

of holding that baby in front of your face,

cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words.

Men tend to get intimacy from side-by-side doing.

As soon as one guy looks up, the other guy will look away.

(Laughter)

I think it comes from millions of years sitting behind the bush,

looking straight ahead, trying to hit that buffalo on the head with a rock.

I think, for millions of years, men faced their enemies,

they sat side-by-side with friends.

So my final statement is: love is in us.

It's deeply embedded in the brain.

Our challenge is to understand each other.

Thank you.

(Applause)