Why Your Life Is So Boring - 4 Habits To Find Fulfilment

Summary

This video script explores the concept of self-actualization, as introduced by Abraham Maslow, and its role in finding daily fulfillment. The speaker discusses the challenges of the mundane and the importance of actively seeking fulfillment in one's life journey. They share four habits to cultivate self-actualization, emphasizing the need to find joy and meaning in everyday activities, diversifying sources of fulfillment, building a positive influence circle, and practicing patience. The script encourages viewers to redefine their understanding of success and happiness beyond traditional milestones.

Takeaways

• 🔄 It’s easy to feel unfulfilled when life seems monotonous and lacks clear progression.
• 📚 Life can be divided into three parts: childhood and education, a long period of work, and finally retirement.
• 😟 The uncertainty of what’s next in life can be daunting.
• 🏔️ Maslow’s hierarchy of needs places self-actualization at the top, suggesting fulfillment comes after all other needs are met.
• 🚀 Self-actualization should be a daily action, not just an end goal.
• 💬 Seek fulfillment daily by engaging in activities that bring joy and move you closer to your goals.
• 🤝 It’s important to find fulfillment in multiple areas of life, not just from a single passion.
• 🌟 Surround yourself with positive influences and distance from negative people.
• ⌛ Be patient and understand that fulfillment often takes time and persistence.
• 🔄 Even in unfulfilling times, keep striving as patience and effort can turn them into fulfilling experiences.

Q & A

What is the main concern expressed by the speaker about their life?

The speaker is concerned about feeling a lack of fulfillment in life due to the monotony of daily routines and the uncertainty of what comes next in their life journey.

What is the three-part narrative the speaker describes about their life?

The three-part narrative includes childhood and studying, a 30 to 50-year period of work with progression but no grand change, and the final part of getting old and having more time to do what one wants.

What is the concept of self-actualization as introduced by Abraham Maslow?

Self-actualization is the idea of achieving a sense of fulfillment and realizing one's full potential, which sits at the top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Why does the speaker feel that the concept of self-actualization as an end destination is problematic?

The speaker believes that viewing self-actualization as an end destination detracts from the ability to find fulfillment in everyday life and makes it seem unattainable until all other life goals are met.

What are the four habits the speaker suggests to help build a sense of self-actualization in daily life?

The four habits are: 1) Making self-actualization a daily action, 2) Finding fulfillment in multiple areas of life, 3) Building a circle of positive influence, and 4) Being patient with the process of finding fulfillment.

How does the speaker recommend starting the day to incorporate self-actualization?

The speaker suggests starting the day by actively thinking about where and how one will find fulfillment during the day, setting intentions for activities that will bring joy and move them closer to their goals.

What is the importance of seeking out opportunities to do what you love according to the speaker?

Seeking out opportunities to do what you love is important because it allows you to create moments of fulfillment for yourself and to realize your potential in the present, rather than waiting for a future time.

Why does the speaker advise against focusing on a single passion for fulfillment?

The speaker advises against this because fulfillment can be found in multiple areas of life, not just a single passion. This approach reduces the pressure of finding one thing to provide all fulfillment and allows for a more balanced and happy life.

What role does the speaker suggest that building a circle of positive influence plays in achieving self-actualization?

Building a circle of positive influence is crucial as it helps to surround oneself with people and media that inspire and motivate towards fulfillment, while disassociating from negative influences that can drain energy and hinder progress.

Why is patience important in the journey towards self-actualization according to the speaker?

Patience is important because the journey towards self-actualization is long and involves periods of less fulfillment. Being patient allows one to endure tough times and to appreciate the growth and progress that comes with time.

What does the speaker suggest if someone is unsure about what activities they enjoy doing?

The speaker suggests asking oneself what they would do if money were not an option and identifying activities that make them lose track of time. These reflections can help uncover what one truly enjoys and can find fulfillment in.

Outlines

00:00

🔍 Seeking Fulfillment Beyond Routine

The speaker reflects on the feeling of lack of fulfillment in life due to repetitive daily routines and the uncertainty of the future. They describe life as a three-part narrative with childhood, a long middle period of work, and old age. The middle period, which includes work and progression, lacks a clear next step, causing fear and unease. The speaker was inspired by the concept of self-actualization from Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which suggests that fulfillment is at the peak of human motivation, after basic needs, love, and esteem are met. The speaker aims to share habits to cultivate self-actualization daily, rather than as an end goal.

05:03

🌟 Cultivating Daily Fulfillment Habits

The speaker emphasizes the importance of making self-actualization a daily action, sharing personal examples of seeking opportunities to contribute and build relationships at work. They argue that it's possible to find fulfillment in the present, regardless of career stage, by actively seeking out and doing what one enjoys and is good at. The speaker encourages identifying activities that one loses themselves in and suggests considering what one would do if money were no object. They also stress the importance of finding fulfillment in multiple areas of life, not just a single passion or professional success.

10:05

🤝 Expanding Positive Influences for Fulfillment

The speaker discusses the significance of surrounding oneself with positive influences and disassociating from negativity to foster a sense of fulfillment. They suggest a two-track strategy of reducing interactions with energy-draining individuals and increasing time spent with those who contribute positively to one's life. Additionally, the speaker advocates for consuming media that provides positive influence and motivation. The speaker also highlights the importance of patience, acknowledging that finding fulfillment is a long-term process and that it's crucial not to be disheartened by short-term setbacks.

Keywords

💡Self-Actualization

Self-actualization is the realization or fulfillment of one's talents and potentialities, considered as a drive or need present in everyone. In the video, it refers to the highest level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, where individuals strive to achieve a sense of fulfillment and purpose in their daily lives. The speaker emphasizes making self-actualization a daily action, finding fulfillment in small, everyday tasks rather than seeing it as a distant goal.

💡Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a psychological theory proposed by Abraham Maslow, comprising a five-tier model of human needs, depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid. In the video, it serves as a framework for understanding how different levels of needs, from basic physiological ones to complex self-actualization, must be met for individuals to achieve fulfillment. The speaker discusses the importance of not seeing self-actualization as a final destination but as an ongoing process.

💡Fulfillment

Fulfillment refers to the feeling of satisfaction or happiness as a result of fully developing one's abilities or character. In the video, the speaker talks about the challenge of finding fulfillment in daily life, especially during the long middle phase of one's career. They suggest building habits that create a sense of fulfillment through meaningful daily actions and relationships.

💡Career Progression

Career progression is the process of advancing in one's professional life, typically through gaining experience, skills, and promotions. The speaker in the video addresses the concern that career progression often seems like a monotonous journey without clear milestones. They advocate for actively seeking fulfillment and opportunities for growth in one's current role rather than waiting for future career milestones.

💡Daily Habits

Daily habits are the routines and behaviors that individuals consistently perform each day. The speaker emphasizes the importance of building daily habits that contribute to a sense of fulfillment and self-actualization. Examples include setting daily goals that align with personal values and seeking opportunities to add value in professional interactions.

💡Positive Influence

Positive influence involves surrounding oneself with people and content that inspire and motivate personal growth and fulfillment. In the video, the speaker highlights the significance of building a circle of positive influence, distancing oneself from negative individuals, and consuming uplifting media. This practice helps maintain a positive mindset and supports the pursuit of fulfillment.

💡Patience

Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious. The speaker in the video stresses the need for patience in the journey toward fulfillment, acknowledging that not every moment will be fulfilling and that persistence is required to achieve long-term satisfaction. They provide examples of how initial challenges in projects, such as starting a YouTube channel, require patience to see eventual success.

💡Interpersonal Relationships

Interpersonal relationships refer to the connections and interactions between individuals. The video emphasizes finding fulfillment through meaningful interpersonal relationships, such as being a supportive friend or family member. The speaker points out that these relationships can provide significant fulfillment outside of professional achievements.

💡Multi-Area Fulfillment

Multi-area fulfillment is the concept of finding satisfaction in various aspects of life, rather than focusing on a single passion or goal. The speaker encourages viewers to seek fulfillment in multiple areas, such as personal relationships, hobbies, and professional life. This approach helps create a balanced and satisfying life.

💡Goal Setting

Goal setting involves identifying specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound objectives. In the video, the speaker discusses the importance of setting daily and yearly goals that contribute to long-term fulfillment. They provide examples of how setting and working toward these goals can create a sense of purpose and direction in life.

Highlights

The feeling of lack of fulfillment in life can stem from a monotonous routine and uncertainty about the future.

Life is often viewed in a three-part narrative: childhood and studying, work, and retirement.

The middle part of life's narrative, involving work, can feel stagnant without clear signs of progression or evolution.

Self-actualization, as introduced by Abraham Maslow, is the ultimate goal at the top of the hierarchy of needs.

Grace Beverley's audiobook 'Working Hard, Hardly Working' discusses the concept of self-actualization in daily life.

Self-actualization should not be seen as an end destination but as a part of the journey.

Four habits are suggested to integrate self-actualization into daily life, rather than as a distant goal.

The first habit is making self-actualization a daily action, starting the day with intentions to find fulfillment.

Seeking opportunities to contribute and build relationships at work can lead to a sense of fulfillment.

It's important not to wait until a later stage in life or career to start doing what brings fulfillment.

Finding fulfillment does not require loving every aspect of one's daily life but actively seeking enjoyable activities.

People can find fulfillment in multiple areas of life, not just through a single passion or career.

The idea of a single purpose can be limiting; fulfillment can be found in various aspects of life.

Building a circle of positive influence is crucial for maintaining a sense of fulfillment.

Disassociating from negativity and surrounding oneself with positivity can enhance one's sense of fulfillment.

Patience is essential in finding fulfillment, as not all periods in life will be fulfilling, and growth takes time.

Even tasks that initially seem unfulfilling can become rewarding with time and persistence.

The video concludes with an encouragement to find fulfillment in everyday life and to set ambitious goals for personal growth.

Transcripts

so

[Music]

so i think it's pretty easy to feel

you lack fulfillment in life when you

feel like you're just doing the same old

stuff day in day out like

life when you live it and you've got a

job at least and there's no kind of

clear next step in your journey as i am

currently finding it's kind of scary

what is next where do i go from here or

is my life now for the next 30 to 50

years just day in day out doing work

trying to progress in my career somewhat

doing more or less the same stuff each

and every day when i look at my life it

kind of falls into this three-part

narrative i had childhood and studying

and this kind of world where everything

was laid out before you you knew what

your next step was get to this point

where the middle of my kind of narrative

is a 30 to 50 year period of work and

doing similar things obviously there's

progression but there's no grand change

or evolution that is immediately obvious

at least when you look in from the

outside and i think that uncertainty of

that path is difficult and i'm

definitely finding that and the third

part of the narrative is then like

getting old i guess and having like more

time again to do the stuff you want to

and you get to that point in your life

and it's like yeah okay like i've worked

all this time so i've achieved the end

destination of being retired and having

money and being able to provided like i

don't have crippling arthritis in my

knees go and do some traveling but

surely like that cannot be a destination

that we're focused on at this age we

surely need to find fulfillment in our

day-to-day lives every single day even

in this middle section of our story and

these were exactly the thoughts that i

was having just a couple of weeks ago

walking along the train platform on my

way home around 11 30 p.m having worked

a really long couple of weeks and

thinking you know like what am i doing

and i was listening at the time to an

audiobook grace beverly's working hard

hardly working and she mentioned this

idea of self-actualization

and this idea was first put out there

into the world by abraham maslow the

american psychologist who is famous for

maslow's hierarchy of needs which he

introduced in his 1943 paper a theory of

human motivation so self-actualization

sits right at the very peak of maslow's

hierarchy of needs so we need to have

food and water then we need to have

safety then we need to have love and

relationships then we need to make sure

that we feel a sense of esteem and pride

in our work and we need to make sure

that we feel valued in the community in

which we exist and then right at the

very top we can finally pursue a sense

of fulfillment in everything that we do

and that bit is a self-actualization bit

the problem that grace talks about in

her book with this idea of the hierarchy

of needs though is that in places

self-actualization this feeling of

fulfillment this feeling of really being

proud of everything that we're doing and

wanting to do the very best and feeling

like we're achieving kind of big things

it's right at the top it's right at the

end destination once we've done all of

these other things in our life and that

means that it does feel exactly like

that like a destination to be reached

like we will somehow feel fulfillment

once we have done all of these things

once we have achieved our goals once we

have got to a place once we've got

literally to the summit of the mountain

that we're all climbing and that takes

away from our ability to self-actualize

on a daily basis to find fulfillment in

the everyday so i want to share with you

the four habits that i've really been

building over the last year and i hope

that these four habits will help you

build into your daily life a sense that

you are actively for yourself creating

fulfillment creating self-actualization

as part of the journey rather than

conceiving of it as the end destination

the pinnacle at the top of the mountain

at the end of your journey so my first

habit is to make self-actualization

a daily action it's something that you

can do and practically that means that

each and every morning i have so far

this year been starting my day either on

my commute to work or when i'm walking

to the gym or when i'm on my morning

stroll by thinking actively about places

that i'm gonna find fulfillment in my

day and things that i'm gonna do that

are gonna bring me not only joy but move

me closer to the goals that i've set for

this year the things that i at the end

of the day then will be able to reflect

back on and feel like yes i did that and

i feel really good about where i'm going

in that part of my life so to give you

an example at work i absolutely love

having the opportunity to talk to more

senior people and share my ideas and

really feel like i'm contributing so i

have actively been trying to seek out

opportunities where i can really add

value to them and on one of the matters

i've been working on every time there

has been a point that i've been asked to

look into and they've been like okay can

you just research this i've actively

made an effort to then call the

associate afterwards once i've sent my

kind of finding email just saying like

let me just talk you through this and

i've built up a relationship with this

person i'm not taking their time they

respect me and know now that i'm able to

add value and that's because i really

enjoy talking through things adding

value and feeling like i'm really

involved it would be so easy for me not

to do that to feel like oh that'll come

later in my career i'll find that sense

of fulfillment in three years time when

i'm more senior but fundamentally i can

create that for myself now it's

something i find fulfilling two

important points you do not have to find

every or even the majority of the things

you do in your day-to-day life

fulfilling in order to be

self-actualizing everyone including

grace beverly who's a ceo of multiple

successful companies including me who

makes videos and does all this like

seemingly cool stuff like there is so

much rubbish that comes with

running a business or being an

influencer or doing a job or being a

student like everything has bad elements

and you don't have to love all of them

but what you do have to do is actively

seek out ways in your daily life to

build in the things that you love doing

you're never too early in your career or

in your life to be offering to do the

things you are really good at and really

enjoy doing and find fulfillment doing

so if you love research offer to

everyone in your department to do

research for them if you love personal

interaction offer to take cool notes

like literally send out an email to

everyone you've worked with saying if

you ever have a call and need someone

say a cool note i'm more than happy to

do it so you can get involved in that

interpersonal interaction and

potentially get invited to meetings if

you do a good job realize that it is up

to you and you alone to start creating

the moments for yourself when you are

doing what you like doing most and

ultimately it's only up to you to make

sure that you're realizing your

potential and finding that fulfillment

and it doesn't just have to be at work

if you really love helping people then

volunteer at the weekend if you love

talking or sharing information teaching

which i personally absolutely love i

have chosen to make these videos you

could do exactly the same and the second

point is if you feel like you're

thinking yeah but i don't know what i

enjoy doing i don't really have any

hobbies i don't really have anything

that i really enjoy ask yourself two

questions the first one is what would i

spend my time doing if money were not an

option and you might think like oh yeah

i go and lie on a beach for the rest of

my life doing nothing that is not true

you would get bored like what would you

actually choose to do and then on top of

that i think you can also ask the

question what are the activities that

when you're doing them

you find you lose yourself you don't

feel the need to eat or sleep you just

kind of get into this rhythm and once

you're going you don't stop think about

those two questions what are the answers

and what activities do you enjoy doing

and then find ways to do those

activities it doesn't matter in what

context really it just matters that

you're doing those things that you're

good at and that you find you lose

yourself in next up i think it's

absolutely crucial that we all get into

a habit of finding fulfillment in

multiple areas of our lives i think we

tend to focus excessively on the idea of

a single purpose the idea that you have

to find your passion you have to find

the one thing that you really love and

that will bring you fulfillment scrap

that realize that you can find

fulfillment in being an exceptional

parent or brother or friend in talking

to your friend when they're in a dark

place and you're really helping them and

making them feel better find fulfillment

in that that is a fulfilling thing and

you should realize that or if you're

watching tv with your partner think

yeah i'm really happy right now doing

nothing i'm just loving drive just five

by the way the show that beth and i

currently watching so good definitely

gonna be an f1 fan after it anyway you

can find genuine fulfillment in feeling

like huh i'm really happy right now it's

not like you have to find a single

passion and that's the only source of

fulfillment you can have interpersonal

relationships can provide you with

fulfillment as can your professional

life as can hobbies outside of your

professional life as can volunteering

there's so many different things that

people can prioritize and want to be

good at and once you realize that and

stop attaching your entire self-worth an

entire sense of fulfillment to

professional fulfillment i think that's

a hugely liberating thing and something

that over the last 24 months has been a

huge focus for me and it has made me so

much happier so remember very very few

people find their life fulfillment from

one single passion instead most people

find many things that they think are

really important to them over the course

of their lives and then they actively

seek to feel fulfilled in doing those

things

third is to build your circle of

positive influence and that means

thinking on a daily basis about the

people that you associate with

disassociating from the negative

basically moaners who do nothing but

find problems in their lives and don't

try to solve them and then at the same

time trying to build up positive

influences that you are consuming in the

media i think it's almost impossible to

feel fulfilled where when you are in a

team that is focused on negatives that

does not do much to try to solve its

problems no one in the team is finding

fulfillment in anything they're doing

because they're just constantly moaning

about everything that is wrong it's so

hard then for you to break the mold and

to be positive and to feel optimistic

about those things so i think build that

two-track strategy as a habit really in

your daily life thinking is this person

a drain on my energy and just interact

less with that person it doesn't mean

you have to break up with them and say i

never want to speak to you again just

talk to them less spend less time with

that person and on the flip side spend

time with positive people with people

who are also pursuing a sense of

fulfillment who find problems and want

to solve them and second everyone pretty

much has access to videos on youtube

hopefully mine podcasts audio books

reading papers everything that we're

consuming is a choice as to

how we see the world find things that in

your life give you positive influence

and motivation to find fulfillment and

my fourth and final habit is to be

patient i have in the past made myself

feel deeply unfulfilled because i

generally focus on relatively short

periods of time i'll have a bad week or

a bad month at work because i'll be

working doing something that isn't

hugely fulfilling that might be you know

a bit of a dull task frankly and i'll

then focus on that having been really

busy and just decide that you know i'm

completely unfulfilled by life and i

really hate it and then like two weeks

later i feel so much happier and better

with things and suddenly start to feel

really fulfilled because i'm doing more

interesting things at work and i'm doing

stuff outside of work i think being

patient and having

the kind of realization actually your

career is a very long time this middle

piece of the narrative is actually

relatively longer than we often feel

like it is

and i think just being patient being

able in those kind of tough times to say

it's okay like i will get back to

finding things that are fulfilling even

if right now i'm not hugely fulfilled

it's hugely powerful generally at the

start we're not that good at things and

it's difficult to find fulfillment when

you know you're working really hard on

something and not seeing results but as

you progress if you are patient and you

stick for example with this youtube

channel you know if after five videos i

had thought i have no one watching them

i found this horrendously hard i've had

to put in tons of work got no results

yeah i've been learning stuff i've been

so focused on like trying to improve and

putting pressure on myself i haven't

really enjoyed it actually it took

patience and it took 20 or 30 videos for

me to really find my flow and still at

times i find it difficult but i think

what i'm trying to say is

patience is essential i think to find

fulfillment in things where at times

things won't be fulfilling and you need

to not get yourself too down about that

it's okay and second there may be

opportunities to find fulfillment in

things that initially you find

unfulfilling if you fundamentally

dislike what you're doing or something

that's in your life you should stop it

life is too short but you absolutely

should first of all give it a good

chance because you never know some of

the things that are least fulfilling to

start with may ultimately end up being

extremely fulfilling so thanks so much

please do let me know what you thought

of this down in the comments give it a

like if you enjoyed it and if you did

like it you're probably also going to

like my video that i made at the start

of 2022 about how to change your life in

a year how to make your life what you

want it to be set really ambitious goals

build really positive habits and crush

it i look forward to speaking to you

again very very soon