analyzing Gwan-hee's popularity in Single's Inferno 3 - with realistic lessons
Summary
TLDRThe video script from 'The Brief SES' discusses the allure of toxic men in dating, exemplified by a character named Guan from the Netflix show 'Singles Inferno'. It delves into why women might find such men attractive, despite their harmful behaviors. The script explores themes of validation-seeking, blame-shifting, and manipulative honesty, while also acknowledging the paradox of finding these individuals charming. It concludes by reminding viewers to be discerning about real-life relationships, drawing parallels between the show's scenarios and potential real-life toxicity.
Takeaways
- 😀 The video discusses the appeal and confusion surrounding 'toxic' yet charming men, exemplified by a character named 'Guan' from the Netflix dating show 'Singles Inferno'.
- 🔍 It highlights how men like Guan can be seen as honest about their feelings, but this honesty might be superficial and used to avoid processing their emotions deeply.
- 💬 The script points out that 'asking for validation' is a common trait of toxic individuals, as it can be a way to seek ego-boosting reassurance without genuine emotional engagement.
- 👀 It explains that women might misinterpret these validation-seeking behaviors as signs of interest, which can be initially endearing but later reveal themselves as manipulative.
- 🤔 The video suggests that Guan's behavior of shifting blame and avoiding responsibility for his actions is a toxic pattern that can be harmful in relationships.
- 🗣️ It critiques the idea that being honest about feelings, even if they change frequently, is always a positive trait, arguing that it can be used to manipulate and avoid commitment.
- 😡 The script describes how Guan's actions can lead to women feeling guilty and apologizing for his behavior, which is a sign of emotional manipulation.
- 😢 It touches on the emotional impact of such behavior, with examples of women on the show feeling upset and manipulated, despite the show's short time frame.
- 👍 The video acknowledges that Guan has positive traits, such as being caring and fun, but argues that these do not negate his toxic patterns in dating.
- 🧐 It emphasizes the importance of recognizing and filtering out toxic behaviors for one's well-being, even if the person displaying them has redeeming qualities.
- 📺 Lastly, the video reminds viewers that dating shows are for entertainment and may not reflect genuine decision-making, urging them to be discerning about real-life relationships.
Q & A
What is the main topic of the video script?
-The main topic of the video script is discussing the character of 'Guan' from the Netflix dating show 'Singles Inferno' and analyzing why some women find toxic men adorable.
What does the speaker suggest about the communication style of 'Guan' type of men?
-The speaker suggests that 'Guan' type of men often ask for validation through hypothetical questions, which at first may seem adorable but are actually a form of self-entertainment and ego feeding.
Why do some women initially find the 'if boy' behavior endearing?
-Some women initially find the 'if boy' behavior endearing because they interpret his questions as an effort to express interest, which can create a playful sense of competition and jealousy.
What is the paradox mentioned by the speaker regarding people like Guan?
-The paradox is that people like Guan are addicted to the chase and the validation they receive, but if a partner is too easy, they lose interest because the anticipation and satisfaction decrease due to predictability.
How does the speaker describe the shift of blame by Guan?
-The speaker describes the shift of blame by Guan as a toxic pattern where he becomes upset when not immediately receiving validation and later blames others for his reactions, avoiding responsibility for his feelings.
What does the speaker mean by 'they lie with just enough truth'?
-The speaker means that Guan and similar individuals may tell partial truths to manipulate situations to their advantage, making their potential partners feel like they are genuinely interested, even when they are not.
According to the speaker, why is Guan's honesty not an excuse for his behavior?
-According to the speaker, Guan's honesty is not an excuse because he uses it to avoid processing his feelings and to manipulate others, making his behavior toxic despite his apparent honesty.
What does the speaker believe about Guan's choice of his final partner?
-The speaker believes that Guan only made up his mind when his final partner started refusing to give him the validation he wanted, which made him realize he had to work for her validation.
Why does the speaker say Guan is a good example of an adorable yet toxic person?
-The speaker says Guan is a good example because he has many endearing traits like being caring and fun, but these qualities do not negate his toxic patterns in dating and relationships.
What advice does the speaker give regarding the behavior seen in the dating show?
-The speaker advises to take the show with a grain of salt but not to ignore similar toxic behaviors in real life, as they can lead to bigger problems if not addressed.
What is the speaker's final message to the viewers?
-The speaker's final message is to be conscious of the purpose of dating shows for publicity and not to overlook genuine toxic behaviors in real-life relationships.
Outlines
😤 Deciphering Toxic Charm: The 'If Boy' Phenomenon
This paragraph delves into the perplexing appeal of 'toxic' individuals in dating culture, exemplified by a character named Iguana from the Netflix dating show 'Singles Inferno.' The speaker critiques the show's portrayal of such individuals, who despite exhibiting red flags, manage to attract attention. The term 'if boy' is coined for those who frequently ask for validation in a manipulative manner, which can initially seem endearing but later reveals a pattern of self-serving behavior. The speaker also touches on the paradox of such individuals being drawn to the chase and the validation it provides, and how this dynamic can be both enticing and ultimately toxic in relationships.
😠 Shifting Blame and the Illusion of Honesty
The second paragraph examines the behavior of individuals like Guan, who shift blame and avoid responsibility for their actions. It discusses how Guan's impatience and reaction to Haong's need for time to think were indicative of his toxic patterns. The speaker argues against the narrative that Guan's constant change of feelings is a sign of honesty, suggesting instead that it's a manipulative tactic to keep potential partners invested. The paragraph also addresses the broader issue of how such behaviors can be more harmful in real-life scenarios, where there are no time constraints to force decisions.
😌 The Paradox of Adorability and Toxicity
In the final paragraph, the speaker acknowledges the complexity of human behavior, recognizing that even individuals who exhibit toxic patterns can also possess endearing qualities. Guan is presented as an example of someone who, despite his toxic dating behaviors, is also seen as caring and fun. The speaker emphasizes the importance of not villainizing individuals to justify cutting them out of one's life, but rather recognizing that their presence may be detrimental to one's well-being. The paragraph concludes with a reminder to viewers to take dating shows with a grain of salt, but to remain vigilant about toxic behaviors in real-life relationships.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Toxic
💡Honesty
💡Validation
💡If Boy
💡Dating Show
💡Red Flag
💡Manipulative
💡Chase
💡Persona
💡Blame Shifting
💡Adorable
Highlights
Discussing the appeal of toxic men and their behaviors in the context of the Netflix dating show 'Singles Inferno'.
The paradox of finding toxic men adorable due to their audacity and the entertainment they provide.
Asking for validation as a form of communication that can be initially seen as adorable but later becomes toxic.
The indirect communication style of women and how it can lead to misinterpretation of a man's intentions.
The 'if boy' phenomenon where men ask hypothetical questions for validation rather than genuine interest.
The toxic pattern of shifting blame and avoiding responsibility for one's feelings and actions.
The manipulative nature of lying with just enough truth to avoid accountability.
The importance of recognizing and addressing toxic behaviors in dating, even if the person appears adorable or charming.
The role of honesty in dating and how it can be misused to manipulate potential partners.
The impact of a man's indecision and how it affects the women involved, leading to confusion and frustration.
The idea that a man's constant need for validation can be a sign of insecurity and immaturity.
The concept of 'guan' and how it represents the archetype of a charming yet toxic individual.
The psychological aspect of why some women may be drawn to men who are bad for their well-being.
The importance of self-awareness and recognizing one's own toxic patterns in relationships.
The role of the chase and validation in the dating dynamic and how it can lead to unhealthy behaviors.
The potential for genuine change and growth in individuals who exhibit toxic behaviors.
The responsibility of viewers to take dating shows with a grain of salt and not to overlook real-life toxic behaviors.
Transcripts
if he's toxic it doesn't matter if he's
honest sometimes a man is only honest
about the smallest changes in his
feelings because loudly announcing them
to the world excuses him from actually
processing them hi girlies welcome to
the brief SES where we talk about dating
pop culture and dating in pop culture
today we're talking about the most
popular pick on Netflix newest dating
show singles Inferno he may have Charmed
you he may have made your blood boil he
did mine but if you're here I'm sure
you've come across a few guys as
frustrating as him in real life yes
we're talking about iguan he I've seen
countless comments on social media
complaining about the way he got picked
by three beautiful women all while being
a walking red flag and the thing is
there are many men like him in real life
and if you're not used to dealing with
them it can be very confusing why they
managed to get away with so much
toxicity so today let's take a look into
this season of singles Inferno and try
to figure out why so often
we girlies find toxic man adorable
before we start I just want to say that
all reflex aside gu he is by for the
most interesting contestant on this show
to me so let's take a few seconds to
thank him for entertaining us with his
audacity to say and do absolutely
whatever the hell he wants all right so
don't forget to hit the like And
subscribe button because it means the
world to me without further Ado let's
Dive Right into our debrief session
number one they asking for validation is
a form of validation asking for
validation has to be the most prominent
way of communication for a guanhe kind
of guy there is a decent reason why the
panelists called him the if boy because
he gets asking hypothetical questions at
first they appear to be pretty adorable
but why do we find this adorable most
women compared to men have a more
indirect way of communication yes I know
that there are always exceptions but in
the heterosexual dating scene it is
particularly true that our gender group
it's better at reading between the lines
and understanding the implications so
when talking to an if boy we tend to
read into his questions and interpret
them as His effort to express interest
stay with me here for example when he
asks if you get to choose between me and
Warick for a date who would you choose
like something that he would ask but we
wouldn't take the question as it is we
might interpret it as I'm interested in
you so I'm trying to figure out if
you're more interested in me or you're
more interested in warning so there is a
playful sense of competition and
jealousy there which makes it pretty
Pleasant and adorable at first soon
after we figure out that it's not an
expression of interest at all it's just
his way of offering opportunities for
the women to feed into his ego in other
words he entertained himself with
validation from his suitors all of them
and it becomes toxic when he almost
never lived up to the standards that he
set for his potential Partners there are
countless examples in the show but here
are just a few that I can think of that
one time when he wants haam to answer
him quickly without being able to make
up his mind about her and then he wants
mini to pick Jin sock on a date just to
comfort him because he doesn't really
see jino as a thread and then on the
very last day when he still cannot make
up his mind about who he would choose he
asked his son if she regrets anything
expecting that she would give him
comfort and express her regret over
having chosen one instead of him so as I
said he never live up to the standards
that he set for his potential partners
and as a viewer we can easily see how
frustrating this type of behavior is
because we get to see him repeat the
same path pattern with every woman he's
interested in but that is obviously not
the case for the women on the show so to
us when the man constantly asks for
validation that is a form of validation
in itself in other words we feel
validated that the guy is asking for our
validation and sometimes that thought
does not work for us but here's a
paradox in my little Theory people like
Guan he are addicted to the chase they
love the slightly anxious feel in when
they ask for validation and the
satisfaction when it is given to them
but if the partner is too easy they
don't feel like they need to ask and so
obviously there wouldn't be as much
anticipation and satisfaction because
they could already predict what will
happen that is exactly why Guan ended up
choosing his son because no matter how
much haong and Mii try to give him the
validation that he asked for his s
naturally saw right through him this
might be an unpopular opinion but I
truly believed that Guan only made up
his mind when his son started refusing
to give him the validation he wanted
that's when he realized that he had to
work for her validation and he did just
that by choosing her in the final round
number two they shift the blame and get
away with it the first thing that raised
a red flag for me was how Guan got
visibly upset when haong wanted to take
some time and think through her answers
at first I thought hm maybe he just
really like her and that he wanted to
make sure that she was as into him as he
was into her that obviously was not the
case as the show went on it became clear
to me that it was just one of his many
toxic patterns what he really cared
about was again getting the validation
he wanted and once he didn't have it
right away he acted up the turning point
in his situationship with ha Jang was
when she called him out on his toxic
pattern she was 100% on point I don't
even find haong harsh at all she was
just being very straightforward but what
made me officially red flock this guy
was the fact that he couldn't just tell
her that he'd lost interest after that
conversation instead he was very
avoidant which compelled her to
apologize he later blamed her for
apologizing and making things weird I
just hate that this happened to my girl
haong because I absolutely adore her
straightforward and hilarious nature
there was no good reason for her to feel
guilty because she had a good reason
reason to be mad and this happens a lot
number three they lie with just enough
truth this one is tricky okay so be
patient with me here I know that the
panelists consistently compliment guan's
honesty and they explain on his behalf
that his feelings simply change every
time he spends one-on-one time with a
woman but I think that's quite a naive
take I mean I don't blame them obviously
it's their job to make things light for
us viewers but as a woman trying to
navigate the complicated dating world I
think that Guan he knew exactly what to
say to make his potential Partners feel
like he was going to choose them which
led to their continuous investment in
him I also think that even if he was
indeed oblivious to his actions it's not
okay it's just simply not okay for a man
to be toxic as long as he seems
oblivious to how toxic he is so I don't
buy any of the narrative if he's toxic
it doesn't matter if he's honest
sometimes a man is solely honest about
the smallest changes in his feelings
because loudly announcing them to the
world excuses him from actually
processing them as I say I think one he
knew what he was doing when he
constantly told the woman on the show
how he was leaning towards them is a lie
with just enough truth to get him out of
trouble later you might think that he's
not lying he was indeed leaning towards
them and he said he had not made up his
mind yet he might not have lied with his
words but rather with their implications
again this works on many women because
we are good at understanding
implications sometime too good for our
own good do you see how everything makes
sense now so what do I mean when I say
some man lie with the implications of
their words let's think about the
context of guan's statements whenever he
was with someone he would constantly
bring up what he disliked about the
other women to comfort his current
partner that they were a better match
for him in the last episode he went as
far as discussing being in a
relationship outside of the island thus
leaning towards you say in that context
implies that there is a very little
chance that he change his mind as we
know in fact he was doing this to more
than one person making his behavior very
insincere and honestly borderline
manipulative a lot of people shame nji
for her Persona on the show but honestly
I don't blame her crying at inappro
moment aside she's rightfully upset in a
lot of situations I get it okay at the
end of the day it's just a dating show
right people only had so much time to
get to know each other but here's the
thing this Behavior exists in real life
and without the 10day deadline many men
would drag it out and drain your energy
for months and years on end in other
words if this happens to any of us in
the real world it would be much more
harmful number four they are genuine
adorable people shocking right is there
such a thing as genuinely adorable men
who are also toxic yes okay stay with me
I love calling people out on their toxic
patterns but the truth is that we all
have toxic patterns and it is up to us
to filter out the people who are toxic
to our well-being guane has many
adorable traits he's caring he's fun to
be around and he seems like a good
friend I think he is the perfect example
of how an adorable and Charming person
can simply be toxic to your well-being
or toxic when it comes to dating you
don't have to villainize a person to
justify cutting them out of your life a
person doesn't need to be a villain to
be cut off forever sometimes you're just
regular humans who happen to make you
feel like and to sum things up may
I just say that the most conscious
viewers understand that the purpose of
these dating shows is merely for
publicity so it's very very unlikely
that the decision made on the screen I
want 100% genuine but you know at the
end of the day we girlies would rather
get mad at a man's Persona on a random
dating show than a man who waste our
time and energy in real life so take the
show with a grain of salt but don't take
it lightly when your man is displaying
Ean behaviors because that might lead to
bigger problems later that's all the T
thank you so much for tuning in to the
brief SES leave a comment for me if you
want to hear my take on anything around
dating pop culture and dating in pop
culture I had fun today and I hope you
did too see you next time
[Music]
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