How to Work with a Passive-Aggressive Coworker | The Harvard Business Review Guide

Summary

In this insightful script, Amy Gallo discusses the prevalence of passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace and offers strategies for understanding and managing it. She emphasizes that such behavior often stems from a desire to avoid conflict or a lack of perceived power. Gallo provides practical tips, including avoiding labels, focusing on underlying messages, not retaliating in written communication, and seeking team support to foster a more productive work environment.

Takeaways

• 😐 Passive-aggressive behavior is common in workplaces and can even be exhibited by great colleagues at times.
• 🤔 The coworker exhibiting passive-aggressive traits may not be doing it on purpose and might not even be aware of it.
• 🤝 Understanding the motivations behind a passive-aggressive coworker's behavior can lead to less painful relationships.
• 😣 Common passive-aggressive behaviors include not following through on commitments, sending uncommitted emails, and giving backhanded compliments.
• 🤷‍♂️ Defining passive-aggressiveness involves indirect communication of thoughts or feelings instead of being upfront.
• 💭 Passive-aggressive behaviors may stem from a desire to avoid conflict or from feeling powerless in a situation.
• 🙅‍♂️ Avoid labeling a coworker as passive-aggressive as it can cause defensiveness and is unlikely how they see themselves.
• 🔍 Focus on the underlying message of a passive-aggressive coworker's behavior rather than the behavior itself.
• 📝 When responding to passive-aggressive communication, keep it professional and avoid engaging in the same behavior.
• 👥 Seek support from the team to address passive-aggressive behaviors, as collective action can be more effective.
• 📚 The tips provided are from the book 'Getting Along--How to Work with Anyone, Even Difficult People', suggesting further reading for those interested.

Q & A

What is the bad news about passive-aggressive coworkers according to Amy Gallo?

The bad news is that you can't avoid passive-aggressive coworkers as they are present in almost every workplace, and even great colleagues may act passive-aggressively at times.

What is the good news about dealing with passive-aggressive coworkers as mentioned by Amy Gallo?

The good news is that your colleague is probably not being a jerk on purpose, and understanding their motivations can make the relationship less painful.

What is the definition of passive-aggressive behavior in a workplace context?

A coworker is behaving passive-aggressively when they are not straightforward about their thoughts and instead use indirect methods to convey their thoughts or feelings.

Why do people exhibit passive-aggressive behavior, according to Gabrielle Adams?

People exhibit passive-aggressive behavior to cushion feedback, soften a blow, avoid offending others, or because they don't want to engage in conflict or confrontation.

What are some common reasons that lead to passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace?

Common reasons include feeling powerless in a situation, lacking a voice or say in decisions, and the fear of rejection or the desire to be perfect.

What is the first tip Amy Gallo gives for dealing with a passive-aggressive coworker?

The first tip is to avoid calling them passive-aggressive, as it's a loaded phrase that may make them angry or defensive, and instead try to understand what's going on with them.

What should you focus on when a passive-aggressive coworker is communicating indirectly?

Focus on what they are trying to say, rather than their behavior, and try to get to the heart of their message.

How should you respond to written passive-aggressive jabs from a coworker?

Keep your responses professional and short, and try to avoid responding in a similar tone. It's better to have a phone call, video call, or in-person conversation instead.

What is the purpose of getting support from the team when dealing with a passive-aggressive coworker?

Getting support from the team can help create positive peer pressure and public accountability, which can be effective in changing the coworker's behavior without making them feel singled out.

What is the main advice Amy Gallo gives for not taking passive-aggressive behavior personally?

The main advice is to remember that if you feel targeted, it's likely that the coworker treats others similarly, and their behavior is more about them than about you.

What book does Amy Gallo reference for additional tips on working with difficult people?

Amy Gallo references her book 'Getting Along--How to Work with Anyone, Even Difficult People' for more tips on dealing with challenging coworkers.