After This You'll Change How You Do Everything! - Tony Robbins
Summary
TLDRThe speaker emphasizes the importance of focusing on what truly matters in life, such as personal development, health, relationships, and business mastery, rather than trivial pursuits. They argue that emotions, intimate relationships, and financial stability are crucial to living a fulfilling life. The speaker also highlights the significance of spiritual growth and giving, suggesting that these elements contribute to a sense of aliveness. They stress that most people are not successful or fulfilled because they dabble rather than master key areas of life. The speaker encourages viewers to measure their success by their ability to achieve and fulfill, and to make decisions that lead to a life of abundance and joy.
Takeaways
- 🚶♂️ Prioritize Personal Development: The speaker emphasizes the importance of focusing on personal growth rather than minor or trivial matters.
- 💪 Master Physical Health: The body is the foundation for all other aspects of life, and maintaining it is critical for success and vitality.
- 💰 Financial Mastery: Achieving financial stability and abundance is essential to live without stress and to share and give freely.
- 💞 Importance of Relationships: Intimate relationships are a source of great joy and pain, and mastering them is crucial for a fulfilling life.
- 🏆 Mastery Over Dabbling: Most businesses and individuals dabble rather than master their field, which is why many do not achieve long-term success or enjoyment.
- 🌱 Spiritual Growth: Spirituality is about living and giving, and it should lead to personal growth and contribution to others.
- 🧘♂️ Control Over Emotions: Emotions play a significant role in life quality; mastering them can lead to a more positive and fulfilling life.
- 🎯 Setting Life Targets: Identifying and pursuing personal goals and dreams is essential for a directed and meaningful life.
- 🌐 Understanding Human Needs: Recognizing and balancing the six human needs (certainty, uncertainty, significance, love, growth, contribution) can guide life decisions.
- 🤔 Reflecting on Metrics: Evaluating life by certain metrics, such as personal state and fulfillment, is more important than superficial achievements.
- 🛠️ Science of Achievement: There is a skill set to achieving goals, which can be learned and applied to manifest one's vision into reality.
- 🎨 Art of Fulfillment: Fulfillment is a personal and diverse experience, unlike achievement, which follows more universal principles.
- 🔄 Decisions Over Conditions: It is the decisions we make, rather than the conditions we encounter, that have the most significant impact on our lives.
- 🙏 Focus on Service: Redirecting focus from oneself to serving others can alleviate suffering and bring about a more beautiful state of being.
- 🌈 Appreciation Over Expectations: Trading expectations for appreciation can lead to a richer and more fulfilling life in the present moment.
Q & A
What are the key areas of life that the speaker suggests people often neglect?
-The speaker suggests that people often neglect areas such as personal development, health, relationships, business mastery, financial stability, and spiritual growth, instead focusing on trivial matters like celebrity gossip.
According to the speaker, why is it important to focus on personal energy and vitality?
-The speaker emphasizes that personal energy and vitality are foundational to all aspects of life, including relationships and business. Without a strong foundation in these areas, success in other areas is less likely.
What does the speaker mean by 'mastering your emotions'?
-Mastering emotions, according to the speaker, means being in control of one's emotional state and ensuring that it is conducive to a positive and fulfilling life. It involves not letting negative emotions like anger or frustration dominate one's life.
Why does the speaker argue that most businesses fail?
-The speaker argues that most businesses fail because they are run by dabblers rather than masters. They do not fully commit to mastering their craft, which leads to a lack of success and enjoyment.
What is the speaker's view on the importance of money management?
-The speaker believes that mastering money management is crucial so that it does not become a source of stress. It allows for a life of abundance where one can do, be, give, and share without financial constraints.
What does the speaker suggest about the relationship between personal growth and giving?
-The speaker suggests that personal growth and giving are interconnected. As one grows, they feel more alive, and when they give, they feel even more alive, indicating a spiritual state of fulfillment.
What are the 'six human needs' that the speaker identifies?
-The speaker identifies six human needs as certainty, uncertainty, significance, love, growth, and contribution. These needs are universal and influence individuals' goals and behaviors.
How does the speaker define an 'extraordinary life'?
-An extraordinary life, according to the speaker, is one where an individual masters the skill of achievement and the art of fulfillment. It's not just about achieving goals but also about feeling fulfilled and enjoying the journey.
What is the speaker's advice on dealing with suffering?
-The speaker advises that suffering can be ended by shifting focus from oneself to serving something greater, such as one's family, mission, or life purpose. This change in focus can instantly alleviate suffering.
What is the significance of the speaker's mention of Robin Williams?
-The mention of Robin Williams serves as a poignant example of how achieving success does not guarantee fulfillment or happiness. Despite his accomplishments, Williams struggled with personal issues that led to his tragic end.
What is the core message the speaker wants to convey about decisions?
-The core message is that decisions have a profound impact on our lives, often more so than external conditions. The speaker encourages making the decision to live in a beautiful state, regardless of circumstances.
Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of living in the present moment?
-The speaker emphasizes living in the present moment because it allows individuals to experience joy and fulfillment now, rather than always striving for future happiness that may never come.
What does the speaker mean by 'wealth is a decision'?
-The speaker suggests that wealth is not just about financial abundance but also about a state of mind. One can feel wealthy by appreciating what they have and living in the present moment, regardless of material possessions.
Outlines
🌟 Prioritizing Life's Essentials
The speaker emphasizes the importance of focusing on what truly matters in life, rather than getting caught up in trivial pursuits. They argue that physical health, emotional well-being, and meaningful relationships are paramount, as these foundations influence all other aspects of life. The speaker critiques the common mistake of valuing material wealth and fame over personal development and intimate connections. They advocate for mastering key areas of life, such as health, emotions, relationships, business, and spirituality, rather than merely dabbling in them. The message is clear: to live a fulfilling life, one must prioritize and excel in the areas that contribute most to personal happiness and growth.
🎯 The Art of Fulfillment and Achievement
This paragraph delves into the dual concepts of achievement and fulfillment, asserting that while many are adept at the 'science of achievement'—strategies and skills to attain goals—true fulfillment is an art that is more elusive and personal. The speaker highlights the tragic example of Robin Williams to illustrate that even immense success does not guarantee happiness. They stress the importance of making decisions that lead to a beautiful state of being, suggesting that suffering is a choice that can be overcome by focusing on serving others and living in the moment. The ultimate message is that an extraordinary life is one lived on one's own terms, with both the mastery of achievement and the heartfelt experience of fulfillment.
🌈 Choosing Joy in the Face of Uncertainty
The final paragraph discusses the human capacity for joy and fulfillment, even amidst life's inevitable hardships and uncertainties. The speaker challenges the belief that external circumstances dictate our happiness, instead proposing that our internal state of mind is what truly matters. They offer advice to shift focus from self-obsession to service, which can alleviate suffering and bring about immediate joy. The speaker encourages viewers to make the decision to live in a beautiful state, appreciating the present moment and finding ecstasy in simple pleasures. The takeaway is that wealth and success are not the keys to happiness; rather, it is the appreciation of life's moments and the decision to live joyfully that lead to a rich and fulfilling existence.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Personal Development
💡Mastery
💡Emotions
💡Intimate Relationships
💡Dabbling
💡Abundance
💡Spirituality
💡Fulfillment
💡Decisions
💡Suffering
💡Appreciation
Highlights
People often focus on trivial matters rather than personal development.
The importance of mastering one's health and well-being as the foundation for success in other areas of life.
Emotions play a crucial role in determining the quality of life, regardless of external achievements.
Intimate relationships are a key area where life's most significant joys and pains originate.
The concept of mastering time effectively rather than merely crossing off tasks on a checklist.
Most businesses fail because they dabble instead of mastering their craft.
The necessity of mastering money to live without financial stress and with abundance.
The importance of spiritual growth and contribution to one's sense of aliveness and fulfillment.
The average person often lacks fulfillment in key life areas such as health, relationships, and business success.
The idea that everyone has different values and measures of success, which should be respected.
The significance of mastering the state of one's emotions as a critical skill for a better quality of life.
The role of one's worldview and values in shaping their life's direction and destination.
The identification of six universal human needs that drive behavior and decision-making.
The impact of social media on the pursuit of significance over love and genuine connection.
The distinction between the science of achievement and the art of fulfillment for an extraordinary life.
The importance of making decisions that control one's life more than external conditions.
The concept that suffering is a choice and can be alleviated by focusing on service to others.
The idea that wealth is a state of mind and can be experienced in the present moment.
The emphasis on living in the present and appreciating the current moment for true fulfillment.
Transcripts
in people's lives there's only maybe a
half dozen seven eight
categories that really matter most
people you know they major in minor
things
they focus on stuff that doesn't matter
they know more about this celebrity
going in and out of rehab than they do
about their own personal development
but i look at say if you look at your
body without that everything else is out
the door you don't want to be a richest
man in the graveyard that's not going to
do it if there is
energy if there's vitality of their
strength it's going to show up in your
relationship it's going to show up in
your business show up in your life
that's you've got to master you can't
dabble it's too important emotions
are everything i mean you got a ton of
money you got everybody loves you and
your primary emotions are pissed off and
frustrated then your life's pissed off
and frustrated doesn't matter if you've
got a billion dollars or a million
people loving you
your life is not great relationships
intimate relationships especially it's
where the most juice in life comes from
is where the most pain comes from most
people
it's worth mastering instead of dabbling
you know really looking at what are you
going to do with your time
and mastering your time instead of
having a checklist you cross it all off
you can
mistake movement for achievement i want
to squeeze out of that time what
matters that creates value for me and
for everyone i care about love
what about your career or your business
and the mastery of that dabbling well
most businesses are dabblers that's why
they don't make it 96
you know any 10-year period of time four
percent make it that doesn't mean
they're profitable
and it does not mean they're enjoying
themselves all right or they're getting
anybody else to feel good
really mastering money so that it's it's
not a question in your life you can do
and be and give and share as much as you
want you're not stressed about it you
live in a place of abundance and then
spiritually
really i think i don't tell people to
believe spiritually but i believe
that ultimately whatever you believe
you've got to live it and it should lead
to
growing and giving if you're growing you
feel alive
if you're giving you feel ten times more
alive and i think
if someone can celebrate and give then
that spiritual state so to me
those are the areas i look at mastering
you know business
for sure but it's the areas of life that
matter most and
most of where we spend our time doesn't
make people feel fulfilled that's why
the average person
is not fit and healthy the average
person is not in a relationship where
they have tremendous passion
you know i'm not a dummy i'm not a
positive thinker i know the truth the
average person is not successful in
business the average person is not
earning what they want to earn
but you know what very few people have
those things but a few do a few
are happy fulfilled spiritually alive
financially strong their business is
growing they have
passionate love affairs and i'm obsessed
with finding the few who do and find out
what they do different teaching to
everybody
everyone's going to measure themselves
differently because everyone values
things differently
some people value success or
significance
some people value love more some value
just basic levels of certainty
so when i look at the specific metrics i
really look at
metrics of what are the things that need
to be measured to know if your life is
going to work or not
so i look at it as our whole lives are
guided moment to moment by the state
rent
learning how to change your state not
[ __ ] not fake but to go from
pissed off frustrated freaked out to
back in your center
or creative or determined or something
that's going to move you forward it's
going to create a better quality of life
for you and others
that's a critical skill set so moment to
moment in life is controlled by our
states
you know if you're an angry state you're
going to respond differently than if
you're feeling playful
but what controls those states long term
is your model of the world
your world view and i look at that as
having as a metric three things that i
look at i look to see first what are the
targets you're after
the target is everybody has everyone has
different goals and dreams and desires
but as i traveled around the world to
100 countries i started going holy [ __ ]
i'm seeing the same problems
what's underneath it i began to see that
there are these same six human needs
that we all have the same needs
we all have a need for certainty that we
can avoid pain and we can have some
pleasure some comfort
we all need uncertainty we need variety
or we feel dead inside if you're totally
certain you're bored if you have
total variety you're like freak out and
it's not a balance it's learning
which of these you need more as a person
everyone's developed a different set of
values in that area um need of the need
for significance
to feel unique special important they
need to feel loved the need to grow and
they need to contribute
some people value certainty at the top
of their list that's their
center of their target i don't want to
do anything else i know it's going to
work i don't do anything unless it's the
same if you change anything they freak
out
if certainty is the number one thing on
your list everyone has the same needs
but if it's number one i know how your
life's gonna be i can predict the
direction of your life and therefore the
destination to some extent
if you're driven by love first you want
certainty too but love is higher you're
gonna behave very differently
than if you're driven by significance i
have to be the one
so i look to see which of those needs
are the top two on your list because
they control your life
the two that most people have 90 of the
planet if you said
of all these needs
which one do you really focus on most
day day-to-day everybody wants love what
do you focus on most people focus on
being significant we live in a facebook
world where people fake their life
put new filters make it look different
than it really is tell stories that you
know
are totally full of it to make
themselves look good because we live in
this kind of false world where
significance is more important than love
and it separates us and the other one
that we see most often is certainty
people want to be certain before they
can do something
you couldn't have started a business
like you had if you were absolutely
certain before you started you can never
build a business with that
you can never build a great relationship
because if it's based on certainty then
everybody's got to stay the same never
change which means you're never going to
grow which means you're going to be
miserable
so my metrics are i want to find out
what's driving you
i want to see is it healthy or unhealthy
you can have two people be driven by
significance though and do it with a
different set of rules that's the second
piece i measure the beliefs or rules of
how to fulfill that target
but i want to be more clear about
something an extraordinary life is life
on your terms
and there's two parts part one to have
an extraordinary life is
mastering the skill of the science of
achievement
how do i take what i envision and make
it real and how do i do that quicker
faster better easier the ability to
manifest
what you come up with and make it real
like you've done with your company yes
that's a skill set i spend unbelievable
amount of time helping people do it
faster quicker better
showing the shortcuts teaching in the
strategies modeling what works
you can save yourself a decade but
i would submit to you that having done
this for 38 years
with you know 50 million people at this
stage
i can tell you that the science of
achievement there are a lot of people
that are damn good at that
and they still don't have an
extraordinary life they have an
extraordinary life you see it as
extraordinary but i get the phone call
from the multi-billionaire
who tells me he wants to do this thing
on his business but what he really find
out is he's miserable as hell and he's
hoping somehow i'm going to rub off on
him on that side too
and so i give him what he asked for the
change in his business but i also get
what he needs which is the change inside
of him
so the second skill is the art of
fulfillment if you want extraordinary
life you can't just achieve you got to
be fulfilled as simplistic as that
sounds but it's an
art it's not a science it's a science to
making money come on
any age any color any background any
gender if you do these things you'll
have an abundance of money you do these
things you're going to have too much
month at the end of the month you're
going to financial stress
right body everyone's biochemically
different but you and i both know
there's fundamental rules
laws there's a science in the body you
violate that science you're going to
have disease you're going to have low
energy you align with that you're going
to have an abundance of energy it's
going to affect everything in your life
it's a science
fulfillment's not like that fulfillment
is as different as our human beings you
wanna know what
god or the universe likes look at the
jungle look at the forest
right it's diverse right so
most people think well i want to get
that because they've been modeling
somebody else and that might work on how
to achieve something it'll never work
for what a fulfill you how many people
you know
like you got what you thought you wanted
and you weren't fulfilled
and that i always tell people success
without fulfillment is the
ultimate failure the ultimate failure
because if you go out something and you
fail and you're an achiever you don't
fail you go i learn something i'll just
try something else i'm gonna still get
there but when you succeed and you're
not happy
so a perfect example this i mentioned in
the seminar you were there because it
hit me about it
what about a year and a month ago we
lost what i consider a national treasure
robin williams
and i ask people how many love robin
wins everybody racing
all around the world right he made
people laugh people are touched by him
so how good was he at the science of
achievement i mean he
wanted to be a great comedian make the
whole world laugh he did he wanted to
have his own tv show he didn't want the
number one show he did it
he wanted to make movies he did he
wanted to have an academy award
for not being funny dramatic and he did
it right he did it
yeah he said he wanted a beautiful
family he achieved everything
and he hung himself and i know recently
someone's saying well you know
he had dementia he had drug abuse he had
alcohol abuse most of his life because
he made everybody happy but whom
himself that's the ultimate failure so
if i had no other message to offer your
viewers
and you let me give it to him right now
i'll tell you what i believe
i believe our lives are controlled by
one force decisions
i certainly believe in force greater
than myself call it god if you will
grace whatever you want to call it the
universe
but i also believe it gives us choices
and the decisions we make
control us much more than the conditions
we meet it's not the conditions it's
your decisions
decisions what to believe decisions what
to do decision what to give
i say to people think about you know
look back 10 years
ago five years ago 15 years ago and
think of a decision you made
that if you would have made a different
decision you'd have a totally different
life today
better or worse i don't know but totally
different the most important decision
you can make
above any on the face of the earth is
deciding
that no matter what happens in your life
no matter what happens
you're going to live in a beautiful
state the decision
to say i am not going to suffer that if
suffering arises
pain is one thing suffering is another
suffering is when you're like
suffering could be worry it could be
anger can be frustration it's anything
that takes you out of a beautiful state
and here's what people don't get
you can end suffering by stop focusing
on yourself and focus on something you
want to serve greater than yourself your
children your
wife your mission your life you can get
out of it in an instant because the
nature of the human mind
is to constantly compare things your
mind
your brain is a two million year old
device and it is not designed to make
you happy it's designed to make it
so designed to make you survive right
and that's why it's always looking for
what's wrong
it used to be what's wrong a
saber-toothed tiger so i can protect
myself now people are worried about what
people think about them or do they have
enough money
when two-thirds of the planet lives on
two dollars a day right and you're
making 38 thousand dollars you're
rich the poorest of the poor in our
country are considered rich that's not
i'm not saying they should stay that way
right but you can only build on success
my goal would have you consider
something
life is short we don't know how short
it's going to be
but if you only had a week to live
i bet you wouldn't allow yourself to
suffer over a little crap that makes you
crazy normally i think you would
probably spend time with those you love
you would do what you love you take on a
sunset
you'd smell the air you were taking
everything in those final moments that
you possibly do so my thing is why wait
right right why wait why not just decide
that if i start to suffer i know the
solution because
suffering is me obsessing about me you
might say it's not me i'm worried about
my kids because they're not doing well
no you're worried that you haven't done
enough for your kids it's about you
still right yes
you know you're worried about what was
done or what you should have done or
what shouldn't have done and you can end
that
in an instant by becoming aware of it
and saying i have made the most
important decision of all
right i'm going to live in a beautiful
state because here's what's going to
happen
anybody watching you may lose a family
member you probably will
somebody may get cancer your business
may
the government might change the rules
they might change things radically you
can't even do anything about it you
might go bankrupt you might get divorced
i don't say anybody will but no sure
no one knows what's going to really
happen in your life life's full of
uncertainty but here's what you can know
you can decide no matter what happens
you could have a great time if
somebody like victor frankl can be
locked up in auschwitz
and come out of that an experience
finding joy
in the middle of auschwitz then human
beings have a capacity they've undersold
themselves on
we think that the outside world
determines how we feel if if
people have to behave a certain way if
your husband or your wife or your kids
or your coworkers or whoever your boss
has to behave a certain way for you to
be happy and if they don't you're
unhappy then you're always going to be
unhappy because the more people around
you the more they're going to change
that because they're all human
right my invitation is as great as it is
to achieve
more important to enjoy and if you can
enjoy every moment in that state when
you're feeling
loving and playful and passionate and
curious and awe
you treat other people 100 times better
when you're feeling frustrated pissed
off
overwhelmed worried stressed or feeling
sorry for yourself
you're going to be a better parent
you're going to be a better lover you're
going to be a better business person
you're going to have a better life
so my soliloquy is decide
decide today and actually say what if i
cut it off what if i said i'm not
willing to settle and i'm just going to
live in a beautiful state doesn't mean
you won't feel bad and it means you
won't stay there you
instantly change but what the hell is
success it's hitting an expectation
and i always tell people man trade your
expectations for appreciation it's a
whole new world instantly
if you can appreciate this moment if you
can't find ecstasy in this moment in a
conversation with a friend and looking
in your wife's eyes
being with your children going on a run
if you can't find
xc now i'm here to tell you more money
more people more love more business more
anything is not going to give you more
you got if you can't do it here now
you're not going to do it there when you
got more
so why not do it now and have a rich
life right now i tell people
money that's one thing like having
financial abundance there's skills
that's a science
but wealth it's a decision it's like you
can be wealthy right now
i live in fiji a good portion of time
there are these villagers there
they're the richest people i know
they're happy they laugh they love they
don't give a damn about the economics
other people say they're poor
when i first went there was trying to do
things for them like what are you
talking about i'm so
happy wealthy people come over from the
united states and they go travel around
and try to figure out what to do and
they're going to spend
nine month you know years to do this and
this and this so they can finally sit
down and be happy and the jean guy
goes why don't you sit on the beach
right now dude experience it
why spend the nine years why not have it
now that's my invitation
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you
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