If You're Struggling with LOW SELF-ESTEEM - WATCH THIS | Jay Shetty
Summary
TLDRThe transcript discusses how ego manifests in both high and low self-esteem, with ego often driving extremes. The conversation delves into how ego pushes individuals to view themselves as either superior or inferior. It emphasizes that true balance comes from self-honesty and service to others, which shifts focus away from self-centeredness. By engaging in acts of service, individuals discover more about themselves and contribute meaningfully to others. The speaker also reflects on balancing personal goals with maintaining humility, highlighting the importance of focusing on the process rather than the outcome.
Takeaways
- đ€ Low self-esteem and lack of confidence can be linked to ego, which manifests in extremes like thinking you're either the best or the worst.
- đ The Bhagavad Gita discusses ego as being at both extremes â either thinking you're superior or inferior to everyone else.
- đŻ Ego seeks to put you either at the top or the bottom, distorting your sense of balance and self-awareness.
- đ The antidote to ego is self-honesty, being truthful about what you're good at and what you're not.
- đ§ Focusing on oneself and centering on personal pain reinforces ego and leads to more suffering.
- đĄ Serving others helps you learn more about yourself and can diminish the ego by shifting focus away from self-centeredness.
- đ§ Success often comes from serving others by solving problems, whether through charity, music, or innovation.
- đ Balancing the desire for success with the need for humility requires focusing on the process, not the outcome.
- đ Writers and creators must detach from future results and focus on perfecting their craft in the present moment.
- đ A meaningful life comes from purpose and service, and success is often a byproduct of focusing on helping others, not personal gain.
Q & A
What is the concept of ego as discussed in the script?
-The ego is described as pushing individuals to extremes. It manifests either by making someone feel superior ('I am the best') or by making them feel inferior ('I am the worst'). The ego doesn't allow for balance or reality and always seeks to place the individual at the top or the bottom.
How does the ego relate to low self-esteem or lack of confidence?
-The ego can still be present in people with low self-esteem or lack of confidence. It pushes them to feel like they have the worst life, or that they are worse than everyone else, reinforcing a self-centered focus that keeps them from finding balance and reality.
What is the antidote to ego, according to the script?
-The antidote to ego is self-honesty. This involves acknowledging one's strengths, weaknesses, and areas where one is average. Honesty helps people avoid the extremes of ego, whether that is feeling superior or inferior.
How does focusing on oneself contribute to ego, even when feeling like a failure?
-Focusing on oneself, even when feeling like a failure, contributes to ego because it centers all attention on one's own pain. By constantly immersing in self-centered thoughts, one amplifies their suffering instead of finding balance.
How does helping others remove the focus from oneself and reduce ego?
-Helping others shifts the focus from oneself and reduces ego by allowing people to engage in service. When individuals help others, they experience different aspects of themselves and grow from these interactions, breaking free from self-centered thinking.
Why is service important for personal growth?
-Service is important for personal growth because it helps individuals learn more about themselves through their interactions with others. By serving others, people expand their understanding of their own capacities and discover new parts of their character.
What is the relationship between success and service, as explained in the script?
-Success is closely tied to service, as successful individuals solve problems for others. Whether in business, music, or philanthropy, success often comes from fulfilling the needs of others, which builds lasting relationships and accomplishments.
How can individuals balance serving others while still seeking personal success?
-Individuals can balance serving others while seeking personal success by focusing on the process, not the outcome. The script emphasizes that it's important to serve with the intent to help, while separating from the desire for praise or results. By doing so, success becomes a byproduct of service.
How did the speaker deal with the pressure after achieving initial success?
-The speaker struggled with the pressure after a viral video, fearing they would not live up to the success of their previous work. This led to self-doubt and a temporary pause in creating content. However, they overcame it by focusing on serving others rather than on the outcomes.
What is the key to overcoming the fear of not living up to past success?
-The key to overcoming the fear of not living up to past success is to focus on the preparation, process, and practice, without becoming attached to the result. The speaker emphasizes that while individuals can control their effort, the outcome is beyond their control, and detachment from the result leads to growth.
Outlines
đ€ Exploring Ego in Low Self-Esteem
The speaker discusses how low self-esteem and lack of confidence can actually stem from an ego issue. Drawing on insights from the Bhagavad Gita, itâs explained that ego manifests in extremesâeither believing you're the best or the worst. This dichotomy drives self-centeredness and the antidote is self-honesty, where one acknowledges both strengths and weaknesses. The conversation emphasizes that being overly focused on oneself, whether in a negative or positive light, fuels ego, which can be mitigated by serving others.
đ The Impact of Service on Humility
The speaker shares a personal reflection on maintaining humility amid success and discusses the balance between desiring success and serving others. They highlight how focusing on the customerâs pain and needs, especially in sales, leads to better outcomes. The speaker recounts moments of self-doubt following viral success but realized that stepping away from ego and returning to a mindset of service helped them continue creating. The Gita's teachings on controlling the process, not the result, guide this balance between ambition and selfless action.
đ§ââïž Finding Purpose Through Mental Wellness
This section transitions into discussing purpose, noting that lack of purpose can manifest in feeling pressure to know oneâs life path, losing interest in life, and feeling disconnected from one's skills. The speaker introduces Calm, a mental health and wellness app, which offers tools like meditations and sleep stories. The speaker has partnered with Calm to offer a series called âThe Daily J,â which provides short, effective tools to improve mindset and mental health.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄEgo
đĄSelf-honesty
đĄService
đĄEmpathy
đĄAttachment
đĄProcess
đĄLow self-esteem
đĄSelf-centeredness
đĄPurpose
đĄSuccess
Highlights
Low self-esteem and lack of confidence can be manifestations of an ego issue.
Ego can manifest as either an inflated sense of self-importance or an extreme self-deprecation.
Ego pushes individuals to extreme positions, avoiding balance and reality.
Self-honesty is the antidote to ego, involving a balanced view of one's strengths and weaknesses.
Service to others can help mitigate ego by shifting focus away from oneself.
Gandhi's quote about finding oneself in the service of others emphasizes self-discovery through altruism.
Helping others allows for self-growth and understanding, contrary to the misconception of selflessness.
Success, whether financial or otherwise, is rooted in service to others.
Service is not limited to charity; it can be a continuous act in everyday interactions.
Empathy is crucial for effective service, as it aligns the server with the needs of others.
The process of creation should be driven by service, not the anticipation of outcomes.
Control over the process is within an individual's power, while the outcome is not.
Living in service means focusing on the preparation and practice, rather than the potential result.
Attachment to outcomes is a form of ego, whereas service is about the act of giving without expectation.
The desire to share valuable experiences is not ego-driven but stems from a place of service.
Striking a balance between wanting success and being sensitive to the response involves focusing on empathy and service.
The concept of being addicted to the process but detached from the outcome is key to navigating success and service.
Three signs of a lack of purpose include feeling pressured to know one's life path, disinterest in one's own life, and uncertainty about one's skills.
Purpose and meaning in life provide guidance and structure, which can be supported through practices like meditation and mindfulness.
Transcripts
i just said this this week to somebody
look at me like i was crazy and i talked
about i said some of your low
self-esteem and your lack of confidence
is actually an ego issue that you have
and the person stared back at me like
how in the world is someone with no comp
or low confidence or low self-esteem
struggling from an ego issue and i don't
know that i articulated it well enough
although it's in one of the podcasts
that i've released one of my solo
podcasts but you articulate it
right on so talk about that for a second
yes
it's an interesting concept and it's
talked about in the bhagavad
bhagavad-gita another monk text and and
in the book it talks about how like
ego
is demonstrated in two ways so ego is
either i am the best in the world and i
think i'm better than everyone
or ego says you're the worst in the
world you're the worst than everyone
you're you're much worse than everyone
or you say my life is the best and the
greatest
my life is the worst right my life is
far worse than anyone else so the ego
likes to push you to the extreme it
doesn't like to give you balance and
honesty and reality it likes to it wants
to make you feel like you've got the
worst life in the world and no one else
understands it no one gets there only
you get in you get the worst or you're
the best and no one else gets you you're
untouchable
and and people miss that they're like
how does that make sense exactly like
you said but it does make sense
because the ego wants to be the top
or the bottom but the top of the bottom
yes he doesn't just want to be at the
bottom
of the bottom yeah it's going to be the
bottom of the bottom of the bottom but
the top of the bottom right well yeah
and so we get lost in that and we don't
think of it as ego yeah and that's why
the only antidote to either ego
is
self-honesty is being honest and honesty
is i'm good at these things i'm great at
these things and i suck at these things
right that's honestly like and we could
all sit down me and you could sit down
with a list of our skills
and map out what we were great at what
we were average at and what we knew we
were terrible at yes and that's honesty
that keeps you so away from either ego
do you think part of it too is that when
you're suffering from my life is the
worst that you're focusing on you and
you're centering on you and there's an
ego connection to that too and that this
pathway you talked about earlier about
getting into the service of other people
yeah removes you from you which begins
to remove the ego absolutely i mean
that's a huge point you just made right
there like you just dropped some serious
like there's like a you know please
don't underestimate that point
everyone's listening like
the the challenge with all
self-centeredness is that all you then
indulge yourself in is your own pain
well very good right you just indulge
you just submerge and like immerse
yourself in pain because it's all about
you yeah and you know i think gandhi
said it best is that you find yourself
when you lose yourself in the service of
others
and what i love about that statement is
that
what he means by that is and and empaths
get this mixed up sometimes so i want to
clarify because a lot of people who are
empaths who are listening like jay i'm
always trying to help people but then i
get screwed over so here's the answer
you're not helping people so that they
can thank you
you're not helping people so that they
can be grateful to you you're helping
people because you know it's the right
thing to do but more importantly you're
helping people because you get to
understand and experiment and experience
different parts of yourself
when i helped
kids growing up in india that were that
didn't have food and we were giving them
free food i learned so much about myself
when i was able to go and give talks
that help people or now i make videos or
podcasts you learn more about yourself
when you help people
you don't learn anything about yourself
when you're just sitting there
filling out a quiz going who am i what
am i like you don't figure but you learn
about yourself when you help people
and and this is what we don't realize i
can't remember who said it recently it
was someone saying about jeff bezos but
they were saying that
you know the scale at which you succeed
is the depth of the problem you solve
and so even if you look at someone like
jeff bezos who's extremely successful
he's successful because he solved a
problem
that many people have bill gates is
successful because he solved the problem
so even if you look at monetary success
even if you look at financial success it
comes from service
any success comes from service a
musician is famous because they're
serving they're serving you by
understanding your feelings making music
you now feel comforted so you follow
them they have served you wow so don't
think of services just charity and
giving money which are beautiful things
which we all should do but don't just
limit your life to thinking i serve on
the weekends or i serve once a year you
can serve every moment this podcast is
the same no question right it's your
service because you're serving people by
giving them an alternative to just
watching some trash show
but they're actually here learning from
you and learning from the people that
you bring on the show i've watched you
to that point this is a personal thing
because i'm i'm such a believer that
you're you move the needle in the world
that you can help change consciousness
i'm in my little way people say why do
you in my small way i would love to
think i'm uh like in that ocean that you
see out there like a drop of water and
altering the consciousness of
the world just just a skosh not me but
who i can share with people and my own
messages and i believe you're one of
those people and so i will tell you
as i've watched this meteoric rise of
yours
i've actually privately a few times
not every day but a few times i've
actually prayed for you that you
that you would keep this level of
humility and so this is an interesting
thing i wanted to ask you but it will
serve everybody else there is this
balance isn't there of wanting this book
to do well
right you don't want to sell two copies
you want to do very well
when you put a video out
there's probably of this there's got to
be a little part of you that's like how
well did it do
and i think that line right there i'm
not even sure
if you or i know the answer entirely but
do you
struggle with that balance of i'm doing
this in the service of people
yet i'm sensitive to the response of
what i'm doing because i think someone
listens right now who's going to have a
present sales presentation tomorrow they
want to be in the service of that person
but there's this part of them that is in
that balance we've talked about earlier
about what's the response going to be
how am i going to be received i want
people to like me i want to how do you
navigate that that's a great question
man that's huge and and the answer let's
take that sales person
the more time that person spends
in empathy
their customers pain
and what the customer is really looking
for
the better they're going to be received
so that service mindset always helps
because if you're thinking about and
this is what it comes and i said this to
my team when we were writing the book
and everything i was working on i said
if i sit here right now
and all i'm thinking about while i'm
writing the book is being a best-selling
book
then guess what i'm now not writing the
book i'm now living in the future and
i'm not living in the present and so the
only way to make this a best-selling
book is to do the process properly and i
don't think and this is what i do and
this is the only thing that's helping me
and again i go through all the time
after my first video went viral three
four years ago
i stopped creating because of the
pressure that i wouldn't be able to live
up to it wow so i actually got scared
because i was like oh well what if the
next video doesn't do as well everyone's
going to think i'm tanking like you get
into that self-doubt and that self and i
got into that space where i was just
thank you for being honest about it yeah
no really like genuinely i didn't want
to make a video again because i was like
this video just got 40 million views
like how am i ever going to beat that
right and you get scared i'm not putting
anything out i'm just going to stop and
then i started to realize i was like
well now i'm not living in service
anymore
i'm living out of ego and i'm living for
feeling a certain way and guess what i'm
not feeling better by not putting
anything out yeah and actually if i just
serve more i'll learn more so the way
i've made sense of it and there's a
verse in the gita that explains it too
is that you have full control
over the preparation
the process
and the practice
but you have no control
over the potential result but all of
those three things are the result in and
of themselves
and so if you get addicted to the
process of writing the practice of
connecting with the right people who can
help share your work and hey like you
said i am focused on the process of
making sure that the most people in the
world have the opportunity to buy this
book
but then if they choose not to buy it i
can't control that but i can control
making sure that it's in front of
everyone and that i believe in the
context and that to me is not attachment
that to me is not
uh ego that to me is
trying to live your best life i mean
like you know if you didn't just try if
you're like i wrote this book but who
cares yes i mean that's not service
either because the way i explain it and
i'm not i'm not claiming that this is it
and i'm not trying to say i'm it i'm
trying to say that i think we all feel
this way
if
you or me see an amazing movie we want
to tell everyone about it
if you read an amazing book you want to
tell everyone about it if you found the
cure to cancer you tell everyone about
it
for me i got to live an incredible life
thanks to these amazing teachers i met
i just want to tell everyone about it
like that's all i'm doing yes but i want
to tell everyone because of how powerful
it was brother that's the best
description i've ever heard of there's
this line i've always tried to teach of
you want to have outcomes but yet you
need to separate from them yeah and
that's a difficult thing when people are
trying to achieve different things that
was perfectly stated
absolutely being addicted to the process
of it but actually separating from what
you can't control i absolutely yeah
absolutely love it here are three signs
you're struggling with a lack of purpose
number one you feel pressure to know
what you want to do with your life
number two you've lost interest in your
own life and feel disconnected number
three you don't know what your skills
are or you feel you lack them hope is
not lost you can get through this having
purpose and meaning in our lives helps
guide us through the ups and downs and
creates structure in our day-to-day life
that's why i've partnered with calm the
leading app for mental health and
wellness the app has a library with
thousands of meditations songs to help
you relax and focus and sleep stories to
help you get a good night's rest and now
you can find the daily j
a daily series where i'm sharing proven
tools and techniques to improve your
mindset and mental health in a matter of
minutes
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