If Your Girlfriend is Doing This, BE CAREFUL - Red Flags
Summary
TLDRThe transcript discusses the importance of detailed conversations in relationships, especially for life decisions like career and marriage. It emphasizes the value of friends' and family's opinions as indicators of compatibility. A masculine perspective on love is shared, highlighting the tendency of some men to prioritize looks and seek nurturing from partners. The conversation also touches on the significance of comfort, shared habits, and mutual respect for each other's social circles in a successful marriage. It advises parents to encourage pre-marital conversations to prevent future separations and unhappiness.
Takeaways
- 📝 Detailed conversations are essential for life decisions, such as career and marriage, and should be planned for the future with potential problems discussed and ideally documented.
- 👫 Both men and women should engage in these future-oriented discussions, as they are important for understanding each other's goals and expectations.
- 🚨 Friends and family often have a clear perspective on who is right for you in a relationship, and their opinions should be considered as they know you well.
- 💔 Trusting friends' advice can be crucial, as they have often seen patterns in bad relationships that the person involved might not recognize.
- 👀 Men tend to prioritize physical attractiveness in a partner, which can sometimes overshadow other important qualities.
- 🤔 Indian men, in particular, may seek a nurturing figure in a relationship, which reflects societal norms but is not necessarily healthy for a balanced partnership.
- 💞 Women in love often look for deeper connections, such as meaning, support, and emotional fulfillment, rather than just physical attributes.
- 👪 Compatibility in lifestyle, habits, friend circles, and family values is crucial for a successful long-term relationship.
- 🔄 The importance of being comfortable with each other's daily routines and habits cannot be overstated, as it contributes to the overall harmony in a relationship.
- 🤝 In arranged marriages, which are common in India, it's vital for the individuals to have open conversations and get to know each other well before making a commitment.
- 🚫 Listening to family and friends is important, but ultimately, the individuals involved should make the final decision based on their comfort and understanding of each other.
Q & A
What is the main purpose of the podcast mentioned in the transcript?
-The main purpose of the podcast is to provide the best bits of India's smartest podcast, focusing on topics such as life decisions, relationships, and societal narratives.
Why is it suggested to have detailed conversations about life decisions?
-Detailed conversations are suggested because they help individuals to think about the future, plan for life decisions like career and marriage, and consider potential problems, which is particularly useful for those who struggle with emotional planning.
What advice is given for men when discussing emotional topics?
-Men are advised to write everything down and discuss it with their partner, as it helps them to think through emotional topics more effectively.
What is considered a red flag in relationships according to the friends' perspective mentioned in the transcript?
-A red flag is when friends express that someone is not right for you, indicating that they might have noticed negative patterns or behaviors in the relationship.
What is the masculine perspective on love presented in the transcript?
-The masculine perspective suggests that men often prioritize physical attractiveness and may seek a partner who provides tender loving care, which can reflect societal expectations.
Why is it important to consider family and friends' opinions in a relationship?
-Family and friends' opinions are important because they know you well and can provide an outside perspective, helping you to see potential red flags or issues that you might overlook when you are emotionally involved.
What is the significance of being comfortable in each other's skin when choosing a partner?
-Being comfortable in each other's skin signifies a deep level of compatibility and understanding, which is crucial for a long-term relationship as it involves daily interactions and shared habits.
Why is the friend circle important in a relationship?
-The friend circle is important because it can influence the dynamics of a relationship and compatibility, as conflicts may arise if one partner dislikes the other's social circle.
What challenges do arranged marriages in India face according to the transcript?
-Arranged marriages in India may face challenges due to a lack of prior knowledge and understanding between partners, which can lead to conflicts over lifestyle, values, and social circles.
What is the advice given for parents regarding arranged marriages?
-Parents are advised to allow their children to have conversations and get to know each other for a significant period before deciding to get married, to avoid potential issues after marriage.
What is the importance of discussing lifestyle and values before marriage?
-Discussing lifestyle and values before marriage is important to ensure compatibility and to prevent future conflicts that may arise from differing beliefs and living habits.
Outlines
🗣️ Prioritizing Future Planning in Relationships
The speaker emphasizes the importance of having detailed conversations in relationships, especially when it comes to making life decisions such as career and marriage. They suggest that people should plan their lives for the next 5 to 20 years, considering potential problems and discussing them with their partners. The advice is particularly directed towards men, who are encouraged to write down their thoughts and discuss them, as they might not naturally think about emotional aspects. The speaker also highlights the value of friends' and family's opinions in recognizing red flags in relationships, suggesting that their insights can be a clear indicator of compatibility.
👫 Balancing Personal Values and Compatibility
The discussion shifts to the importance of being comfortable with a partner's habits, lifestyle, and social circle. The speaker points out that many marriages fail due to incompatible friend circles or family values. They stress the significance of knowing a partner's basic beliefs and living styles before marriage. The speaker also addresses the challenges of arranged marriages in India, advocating for parents to allow their children to get to know each other well before making a commitment. The conversation suggests that compatibility in daily life, beyond superficial aspects like career, is crucial for a successful long-term relationship.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡detailed conversations
💡futuristic conversations
💡emotional space
💡red flags
💡masculine perspective
💡TLC (tender loving care)
💡friend circle
💡family values
💡arranged marriages
💡comfort in each other's skin
💡lifestyle
Highlights
Importance of having detailed conversations, especially about life decisions such as job and marriage, and planning for the future.
Suggestion to write down thoughts and discuss them with a partner, as it helps in organizing life plans and addressing potential issues.
Advice that friends' opinions can be a clear indicator of whether someone is right for you in a relationship.
Emphasizing the value of listening to family and friends' perspectives on relationship choices.
Observation that women in love often seek meaning, support, and ethereal qualities from their partners.
Comment on men often prioritizing physical attractiveness in a partner, which can be subjective and vary among individuals.
Insight that Indian men may seek a nurturing figure in a relationship, reflecting societal expectations.
Warning against looking for a parental figure in a romantic relationship and the importance of mutual respect and care.
Discussion on the importance of being comfortable with a partner's habits, lifestyle, and friend circle for a successful marriage.
Highlighting the significance of shared values and basic living styles in a long-term relationship.
The impact of friend circles on the stability of marriages and the importance of mutual acceptance.
The role of family values and lifestyles in determining compatibility in a marriage.
The practical challenges of arranged marriages in India and the need for open conversations before marriage.
The potential for pre-marital discussions to resolve issues before they become more serious post-marriage.
The idea that being 'in love' can cloud judgment and the importance of outside perspectives in recognizing red flags.
The notion that there is no one-size-fits-all formula for relationships, but understanding and communication are key.
The importance of knowing and understanding oneself and one's partner deeply for a successful relationship.
The impact of societal norms on relationship dynamics and the need for personal growth and understanding beyond these norms.
Transcripts
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also i would still
nudge you and myself
to try listing out certain uh
kind of rules like you one of them was
the fact that you said have detailed
conversations you know people don't have
detailed conversations because there is
this narrative all over society which
says
that no stay in the moment don't think
about the future but a life decision
like your job or a life decision like
your marriage
you have to have futuristic
conversations you have to chalk out your
life five years from now 10 years from
now 20 years from now think about all
the possible problems that can be there
ideally on paper for guys because guys
aren't able to think about emotional
things in space so write everything down
discuss it with your partner uh and and
of course while i'm talking to guys here
this applies to women as well yeah
absolutely absolutely all these very
important um
but what else what else would you add to
that table in terms of red flags for me
i feel that um
when your friends tell you someone's not
right for you that's a very very sharp
and clear-cut indicator uh i've seen
this with my friends in bad
relationships i've seen it with myself
when i had bad relationships a lot of my
friends would tell me don't be with this
person not right for you good person but
just not right for you and eventually it
broke
um so your friends have a good gauge of
who is right for you and who is not
family same uh so listen to them
secondly i'd like to give you some
masculine perspective on love okay uh
the truth is i feel women in love are
nicer creatures in terms of
they look for meaning they look for
support and they they're very sure of
what they want they want more ethereal
things from their partner a lot of guys
are often after the looks
like if the girl is pretty that's more
than half the battle one yeah and every
guy has a subjective definition of what
looks good
uh but if that particular girl crosses a
certain threshold of their version or
their definition of good looks usually
they'll at two
now if the girl wants to build on top of
that the girl basically
i'll tell you one more thing i've
noticed about indian guys not so much
guys abroad but a lot of indian guys
want that little tlc from their uh
ladies i mean i'm sure even ladies want
the same
yeah of course tlc's tender loving care
like very
uh like you kind of a lot of indian guys
i have noticed at least in my own
friends circles they kind of want a bit
of a mom in a relationship
which says a lot about our society which
i don't think is right i think you
should not look for a parent in a
relationship you should
yeah but in most cases this is what i've
seen that if the girl looks good to a
certain degree
and if she's very sweet to the guy and
takes care of him initially in the
relationship most guys like fall flat
and then they don't listen to family
members they don't listen to their
friends and often i have noticed that
those relationships break but please
correct me if i'm wrong or anything like
that have you noticed any other patterns
uh
there are a lot of patterns when we uh
but again
since i am i come a lot from the legal
space as well inc along with the
emotional space
um i think each case has its own you
know specific yeah unique specifics uh
it we can tie up all a lot of researches
and all a lot of analysis into one thing
uh but again repeating there's no
formula as such
but you brought out a very important
point your friends
your family
they know you
they know you in and out you may be in a
zone where you are
you know completely in love obsessed and
everything can't see through shades and
everything even if they are visible uh
you know red flags you wouldn't see that
but yes you must you should listen to
people who know you the best uh that's
very important more than that what i am
seeing a lot happening nowadays ranveer
is
these
um
like
love
care all of those things are fine
marriage
a long-term marriage now i'm not married
so people would probably question me how
is she giving yarn on marriage but then
i have seen endless marriages falling
apart so i perhaps probably i think
you're in authority on the subject so i
i wouldn't call myself an authority but
then yes i have endless experience of
especially why i didn't work so that
gives you a lot of uh context yeah
perspective into what could have
worked or what could make things work
the most important thing for you when
you choose a partner is
if you're absolutely comfortable in each
other's skin on a daily basis
it's not about the job that they have
the kind of career that they have and
all of those jazzes but just you being
with that person on a daily basis what i
mean by that is your habits
what you do what your lifestyle your
friend's circle friend circle is so
important like
i see so many marriages breaking down
right now because the guy has a certain
friend circle the girl completely abhors
that she wants to you know control him
not to be with those kind of friends
uh or vice versa the girl the guy also
just hating the friend circle that the
girl has
family values family lifestyle
what what are the basic things that you
believe in what is your basic living
style i think all of these are very
important uh
now
it's very easy to talk about these
things but the practical uh challenges
are most of marriages in india still
arrange marriages so this is not just
for men and women out there this is also
for parents
it is very important in today's time to
let your kids have a conversation get to
know each other for quite some time
before they actually decide to get
married because before marriage you can
still
sort a lot of things but after marriage
once of course it has happened then
the separation then brings a lot of
miseries
[Music]
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