how to speak so that people want to listen

Summary

This video script offers insights on how to speak with power and confidence to captivate listeners. It advises to avoid hedges and hesitations, which undermine influence and status. Instead, it encourages speaking in absolutes and using the present tense for persuasive descriptions. Lastly, it emphasizes the importance of acknowledging uncertainty at times to soften arguments and facilitate open discussions, providing a balanced approach to effective communication.

Takeaways

• 🗣️ Speak with confidence by using absolutes to convey certainty, which makes people more likely to believe and follow you.
• 🌟 Hedges like 'maybe', 'perhaps', and 'likely' undermine your influence and should be avoided for a more charismatic and convincing communication style.
• 🙅‍♂️ Refrain from turning statements into questions, as it diminishes the strength of your message and can frustrate listeners.
• 🤔 Use pauses instead of hesitation words like 'um', 'uh', and 'like' to gather your thoughts and maintain the listener's attention.
• 🔄 Transform past tense descriptions into present tense to give a sense of ongoing relevance and objectivity, making your statements more persuasive.
• 📚 Present tense reviews and descriptions, like 'the book is good', are perceived as more helpful and convincing than past tense statements.
• 💡 Strong opinions held loosely allow for open-mindedness while maintaining the power of conviction in your speech.
• 🤝 Use 'I could be wrong but' to express uncertainty when appropriate, which can soften listeners and make them more receptive to your arguments.
• 🧠 Understand that people have different perspectives on facts, and expressing doubt can help avoid argumentative chaos and foster a civil discussion.
• 🔍 Replace filler words with silence to improve the quality of communication and demonstrate control over your message.
• 🎨 The speaker emphasizes the importance of improving communication skills to avoid being perceived as boring, even when paid to converse.

Q & A

What was the speaker's profession for three years?

The speaker was an English tutor for three years, acting as a professional conversationalist to help students achieve fluency.

Why did the speaker find most people boring to listen to?

The speaker found most people boring because they often use hedges and hesitations that undermine their ability to influence and convey certainty.

What is a 'hedge' in the context of the speaker's discussion?

A 'hedge' refers to words like 'maybe', 'might', 'perhaps', 'likely', 'unlikely', 'probably', and similar terms that convey uncertainty in speech.

Why do famous judges, lawyers, and influencers speak in absolutes?

They speak in absolutes to keep their audience hooked on their every word, as it conveys confidence and certainty, which people prefer over uncertainty.

How can using hedges affect the perception of a person's status or competence?

Using hedges can lower the perceived status or competence of a person, as it suggests uncertainty and lack of conviction in what they are saying.

What is the effect of turning statements into questions?

Turning statements into questions can undermine the certainty of the statement, making it seem less decisive and more ambivalent.

What is the psychological impact of using filler words like 'um', 'uh', and 'like'?

Using filler words can convey uncertainty and weaken the speaker's message, making them appear less confident and potentially less persuasive.

Why is it beneficial to turn past tense descriptions into present tense?

Turning past tense descriptions into present tense implies that the assessment is ongoing and potentially objective, making the speaker's point more persuasive.

What is the significance of using the phrase 'I could be wrong but' in a conversation?

Using 'I could be wrong but' softens the listener, indicating that the speaker is open to different perspectives and is not overly dogmatic, which can make their arguments more convincing.

What is the psychological term for the phenomenon where people resist persuasion by digging in their heels?

The psychological term for this phenomenon is 'reactance', which triggers an internal desire to oppose or resist the persuasion attempt.

How can expressing doubt at the right time enhance the persuasiveness of an argument?

Expressing doubt at the right time provides social lubrication, making the listener more receptive and open to the speaker's perspective, thus enhancing the persuasiveness of the argument.