Data Scientist Exposes Men & Women’s Real Dating Preferences

Summary

This insightful script explores the surprising lessons from data on achieving success in dating. It highlights the advantage of being an extreme version of oneself to attract polarized interest, rather than aiming for average appeal. The speaker emphasizes the importance of psychological traits over superficial ones for long-term happiness, suggesting that focusing on shared similarities can increase dating success. The discussion challenges conventional dating strategies, advocating for a shift in priorities towards genuine compatibility and happiness.

Takeaways

• 😎 The most successful daters are often conventionally attractive people like Brad Pitt and Natalie Portman, who effortlessly attract attention.
• 🌟 For those not conventionally attractive, being polarizing can be beneficial in dating. Embrace an extreme version of yourself to attract those who are really into you.
• 📊 The speaker emphasizes the importance of being authentic and 'nerdy' in his own dating life, which attracted his partner who appreciates that quality.
• 🤔 The data suggests that trying to appeal to everyone by toning down unique traits might be counterproductive in the dating world.
• 🔢 In online dating, even those with lower attractiveness ratings have a significant chance of success when they ask out people who are more attractive, especially for women.
• 💌 The key to dating 'out of your league' may involve being an extreme version of oneself and asking a large number of people out to increase the chances of getting a positive response.
• 🧐 A study of 11,000 couples revealed that psychological factors like secure attachment style, growth mindset, and conscientiousness are more predictive of relationship happiness than superficial traits.
• 💔 There is a disconnect between what people find attractive in dating apps and what actually leads to long-term happiness in relationships.
• 🏆 The competition for conventionally attractive partners is fierce, and even if one succeeds, there may be underlying psychological reasons for their availability.
• 🤝 People are drawn to those who are similar to them in various aspects, including race, religion, education, and even shared initials, which can be leveraged in dating strategies.
• 💡 The advice to focus less on superficial traits and more on finding someone with good psychological qualities can make dating easier and more fulfilling.

Q & A

What is the main point made by Christian Rudder in his book 'Dataclysm' regarding successful daters?

Christian Rudder argues that the most successful daters are typically conventionally attractive individuals like Brad Pitt and Natalie Portman. However, there are also people with extreme looks, such as those who shave their heads or have unconventional hair colors, who do surprisingly well in dating due to their polarizing appearance.

What strategy does the speaker suggest for individuals who are not conventionally attractive to improve their dating success?

The speaker suggests that individuals who are not conventionally attractive should embrace an extreme version of themselves to become polarizing. This way, while some people may be turned off, others will be genuinely attracted, increasing the chances of finding a compatible partner.

How did the speaker apply the concept of being an 'extreme version of oneself' in his own dating life?

The speaker applied this concept by fully embracing his nerdy personality. He ordered an iPhone case with a happiness chart to constantly remind himself to make data-driven decisions, which is a reflection of his geeky nature.

What is the significance of the study led by Samantha Joel in predicting romantic happiness?

Samantha Joel's study, involving 11,000 couples and multiple variables, found that psychological variables such as secure attachment style, growth mindset, conscientiousness, and life satisfaction have some predictive power on romantic happiness, while superficial traits like conventional attractiveness and partner's height have little to no predictive power.

What does the speaker suggest about the relationship between physical attractiveness and long-term relationship happiness?

The speaker suggests that there is a disconnect between physical attractiveness and long-term relationship happiness. While people are often drawn to beauty, it is the psychological traits that are more likely to contribute to a happy and successful relationship.

What is the advice given by the speaker regarding the pursuit of dating someone who is more attractive or desirable than oneself?

The speaker advises to be an extreme version of oneself and to ask out many people. By doing so, even with a small chance of success per individual, the overall probability of finding a match increases significantly.

How does the speaker describe the competition for individuals with highly desirable traits in the dating market?

The speaker describes the competition as ferocious, noting that the pursuit of these individuals can lead to a significant amount of time spent single and potentially complaining about the lack of success in dating.

What is the role of similarity in dating according to the speaker?

According to the speaker, similarity plays a significant role in dating. People are drawn to others who share similar traits, such as race, religion, education level, and even something as trivial as sharing initials, which can give a bonus in online dating.

What is the concept of 'Jewish privilege' mentioned by the speaker, and how does it relate to dating?

The concept of 'Jewish privilege' refers to the speaker's observation that the quality of his dates was higher within the Jewish community due to a similarity bias, even though religion was not a significant factor for him personally.

What is the speaker's final advice for individuals struggling with dating?

The speaker's final advice is to care less about superficial traits and focus on finding someone with good psychological traits that can lead to long-term happiness. He also suggests using strategies and taking advantage of any 'privilege' to increase dating success.