Dating In The Modern World: 7 Essential Actions | Naftali Moses
Summary
TLDRThis video script addresses the alarming rise in divorce rates and the superficiality of modern relationships. It urges viewers to confront their insecurities, embrace vulnerability, and seek genuine connection over ego-driven interactions. The speaker emphasizes the importance of shared values, honesty, and the ability to resolve conflicts in building a strong, lasting relationship. It challenges the audience to ask deep, meaningful questions early in dating to foster authenticity and mutual growth.
Takeaways
- 📈 The modern relationship landscape is increasingly unstable, with high divorce rates and a focus on superficial aspects rather than deep connection and family values.
- 🚂 The speaker warns of being on a 'train heading off a cliff', implying that many are unknowingly part of a destructive pattern in relationships that needs to be addressed.
- 🤔 The importance of self-awareness is emphasized, suggesting that understanding one's own insecurities is crucial before entering a relationship.
- 💔 The script criticizes relationships that are based on ego and appearance rather than mutual growth and support, pointing out that these are often unfulfilling.
- 👤 It stresses the necessity of having a relationship with oneself first, as a foundation for building a healthy relationship with another person.
- 🔦 Insecurities should be brought into the light rather than avoided, as they are parts of oneself that need understanding and acceptance.
- 🌱 A growth mindset is promoted, where confronting and dealing with insecurities and conflicts are seen as opportunities for personal development.
- 🤝 The value of honesty and vulnerability in communication is highlighted as essential for building trust and a strong relationship.
- 👪 The concept of 'family' as a shared value and goal is presented as a cornerstone for a constructive and long-lasting relationship.
- 💡 The speaker encourages asking deep, potentially uncomfortable questions early in a relationship to ensure compatibility and shared values.
- 🚫 It warns against the dangers of projection and manipulation in relationships, advocating for acceptance of the other person's true self.
Q & A
What is the main issue discussed in the script regarding relationships?
-The script discusses the high divorce rate and the superficial nature of modern relationships, which often lack depth, challenge, and romance, leading to dissatisfaction and failure.
Why does the speaker believe that people should be aware of their insecurities in relationships?
-The speaker believes that recognizing and addressing insecurities is crucial for personal growth and for building a strong foundation in a relationship, as they can otherwise lead to manipulation and misunderstanding.
What does the speaker suggest is the initial step in understanding relationships?
-The initial step, according to the speaker, is to have a relationship with oneself, which involves self-awareness and acceptance of one's insecurities.
Why is it important to be vulnerable in a relationship according to the script?
-Vulnerability is important because it allows for honesty and authenticity in a relationship. It fosters a freeing state where there are no expectations on oneself or the other person, leading to a deeper connection.
What is the role of conflict resolution in a relationship as per the script?
-Conflict resolution is vital as it tests the strength and maturity of a relationship. The ability to resolve conflicts effectively indicates a commitment to growth and a deeper understanding of each other.
What does the speaker mean by 'casting a projection' in the context of relationships?
-Casting a projection refers to the act of imposing one's own desires and expectations onto a partner, rather than accepting and understanding who they truly are, which can lead to disappointment and manipulation.
Why is it suggested to ask serious questions early in a relationship according to the script?
-Asking serious questions early on helps to establish a foundation of honesty and acceptance. It prevents misunderstandings and manipulation by ensuring both parties understand each other's values, expectations, and past experiences.
What are some of the serious questions suggested by the speaker to ask in a relationship?
-The speaker suggests asking about sexual history, views on raising children, relationship with one's family, past relationships, and personal values and visions for the future.
What is the significance of shared values and vision in a relationship as discussed in the script?
-Shared values and a common vision are significant as they form the basis for building a life together. They ensure that both partners are working towards the same goals and can support each other through life's challenges.
How does the speaker define attraction in the context of a relationship?
-The speaker defines attraction as a fundamental aspect of a relationship, emphasizing its importance in creating a deep and meaningful connection. Lack of attraction can lead to dissatisfaction and potential infidelity.
What is the final advice given by the speaker regarding dating and relationships?
-The final advice is to be real, honest, and to not settle for less than what one truly desires in a relationship. It encourages individuals to embrace their authentic selves and to seek partners who align with their values and vision.
Outlines
🚨 The Crisis of Modern Relationships
The speaker addresses the high divorce rate and the superficiality of modern relationships, which often prioritize appearance and ego over genuine connection. They emphasize the importance of self-awareness and vulnerability in building a strong relationship. The audience is encouraged to confront their insecurities and to be honest with themselves and their partners. The speaker warns against the manipulative tendencies that arise from a lack of self-acceptance and the potential for such behavior to damage relationships.
🌟 Embracing Vulnerability and Honesty
This paragraph delves into the concepts of vulnerability and honesty as foundational for a healthy relationship. The speaker argues that being vulnerable is not about burdening others with one's emotions but about being authentic and open. They stress the importance of asking serious questions early in a relationship to gain a true understanding of one's partner, including their sexual history, family dynamics, and past relationships. The speaker also discusses the negative impact of projections and the need to break free from them to foster genuine connection and acceptance.
🔍 The Importance of Acceptance and Communication
The speaker discusses the transformative effect of acceptance and communication in relationships. They share personal anecdotes about how their approach to dating has evolved, moving from a manipulative and superficial attitude to one that values honesty and vulnerability. The importance of asking deep, probing questions is reiterated as a means to truly understand a partner and to eliminate projections. The speaker also touches on the significance of sexual compatibility and shared values as cornerstones of a successful relationship.
🛡 Building a Life on Shared Values
In this final paragraph, the speaker wraps up their message by emphasizing the importance of shared values and a mutual vision for the future in a relationship. They argue that without a common understanding of what is important in life, it's impossible to build a meaningful and lasting partnership. The speaker also discusses the role of attraction and respect in maintaining a healthy relationship and the necessity of being willing to face challenges and conflicts together. They conclude by encouraging the audience to be real, honest, and unafraid to inconvenience others for the sake of true freedom in relationships.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Relationships
💡Insecurities
💡Vulnerability
💡Narcissistic
💡Authenticity
💡Projection
💡Conflict Resolution
💡Accountability
💡Attraction
💡Values
💡Self-Awareness
Highlights
The increasing divorce rate and the need for self-awareness before entering a relationship.
Modern relationships often lack depth, being more about appearance and ego rather than genuine connection.
The importance of having a relationship with oneself as a foundation for healthy relationships with others.
Insecurities should be faced and brought into the light rather than avoided or hidden.
Vulnerability is key in relationships, allowing for honesty and growth without expectations.
The necessity of a growth mindset when dating, being open to confronting and resolving issues.
The value of asking serious questions early in a relationship to avoid future misunderstandings.
The concept of 'projection' in dating and its negative impact on genuine connection and understanding.
The importance of resolving conflict effectively as a measure of a relationship's strength.
The role of honesty in building a strong foundation for a relationship.
The significance of shared values and vision for the future in a lasting relationship.
The role of attraction in compatibility and the potential issues of settling for less.
The idea that challenges and conflicts in a relationship can be opportunities for growth and connection.
The importance of being real and authentic in dating rather than adhering to superficial standards.
The potential red flags and warning signs to watch out for in relationships, suggesting a deeper discussion.
The transformative effect of embracing honesty and acceptance on the dating experience.
The empowerment that comes from understanding and confronting one's insecurities in relationships.
The emphasis on the importance of communication and self-awareness in building a constructive life and relationships.
Transcripts
we live in a world where more and more
people can't hold their relationships
and the divorce rate seems to be
climbing higher than 60% every day
there's a lot of things that I want to
tell you here that are going to feel a
little eerie and I want them to trigger
you and the reason why I want that to be
the case is because you are most likely
on the train that is heading off the
cliff and it's not a fun thing to hear
that you're driving off of a cliff but
it's a good thing to hear before you
drive off of it officially now the
modern relationship that we see a lot of
in the world nowadays is actually not
one that's fulfilling it's not one
that's challenging and it's not one
romantic either it's all photogenic it's
all about ego and it has nothing to do
with people coming together under the
basis of family so remember if
relationships are just about you and how
you feel about the other person well
then congratulations you're going to
marry a narcissistic psychopath and
whenever you change and it doesn't look
so good on them they're going to
manipulate you so let's avoid all of
those things and I think even most
importantly let's start creating a
constructive life now just so you
understand anything about relationships
is it initially starts with a
relationship with yourself so there's a
few things to understand when going into
this video if you don't accept that you
have a lot of insecurities and that
perhaps women and if you're a woman then
perhaps men trigger a lot of those
insecurities you're going to need to
have the ability to be vulnerable with
them sometimes you guys have to do the
most difficult thing possible don't just
say you're ready when you're not it
makes you less self-aware except that
you're not ready now so that when you
are you can choose the person that you
want to be it can no longer just be a
convenient decision which really
destroying a lot of people's
relationships is that they actually have
no basis of how they should be dating
and I want to give you guys some really
good tips to do that you know especially
if you're coming in and you're really
not feeling like oh I have all the
answers congratulations you're not
supposed to have all the answers it
wouldn't be exciting if you did she'd be
boring the date would be boring you're
already God everything's not interesting
let's just accept that yeah you're
coming in here with humanity and by the
way that's the same kind of space that
you would hope she comes in with too
some of these things are going to feel a
little bit antagonizing but that's good
it typically means that we're going into
the right direction here first and
foremost I always talk about this and
I'll just say this again the purpose of
this is so that you guys can realize
that your partner or whoever you're on a
date with is going to reflect things
that you do not know about yourself so
before you go ahead and say you know I'm
not ready to date I'm going to avoid
dating as a whole these things
journaling cannot solve it just won't
it's going to be something that's going
to come up on the spot and you need to
be willing to deal with it so I'm going
to deal with the first and foremost part
insecurities what exactly are they
here's what you need to understand about
insecurities a lot of those things are
parts of you that you don't want to
shine a light on so opposed to looking
at insecurities is something that's not
okay look at them as a part of you that
needs a level of light because you know
if your nose becomes this thing where
you know Adrien Brody has a nose of
noses well guess what it's actually
distinguishable to him you know I had a
friend and he has a big nose and big
ears at first it was an insecurity of
his but then once he owned it right he
shined a light on it he realized it
actually his trademark and that's how we
know him and his family and he had a
daughter recently and his daughter has
the same nose and ears and he loves her
for it cuz it's clearly his baby it has
the same look from his family over years
and years so really the insecurity is
not to look at you as the problem but
try to shine a light on it and these
things will pop up in the midst of the
date and now you have two things you can
get angry and protect that or you can
start maybe accepting that there's going
to be something that you confront in the
other person and that you're willing to
confront in yourself have the growth
mindset when you step into a date not
here to make a safe space for everybody
you're here for you and purely for you
and this kind of level of selfishness is
going to actually make you not only
desirable on a date but if it's a sh
date well you've grown so it's a win-win
for both of you stop trying to be so for
everyone and I recommend that you start
realizing that if your dates aren't
going very well it's probably not
because you're awkward and if you ever
feel like you're being awkward it's
probably because you're holding back the
honest intentions that you have because
of the insecurities that you're afraid
to confront about yourself so the whole
point of it is to do that going back to
what I was saying about insecurities I
really mean this they're not a problem
they need light and they need attention
when you're working with them think of
them more as wounds that need to heal
and they heal when you communicate them
and stand by them you need to be the one
to stand by them so now we can already
get into it you know I would say the
worst part is is that most people are
not being honest with each other so
before we get into what exactly you're
going to need to do I want you to
understand the value system that you're
going to need to have when coming into
this there needs to be family meaning
that this is beyond you this is about
something that's bigger than you that
you will not place an expectation on a
single entity to meet all of your needs
and that you'll begin to realize that
you two are coming together to
constructively build something if that
is not the case by which you guys are
coming together then you are accepting
the usage of another person until it's
convenient to find out what you want to
do with them you guys are going to both
need to share share a desire to grow if
you don't have that anytime where
there's
confrontation Deuces so a desire to grow
means that somebody is willing to
investigate this part of themselves even
if it's triggering if you do not have
that desire to grow and share that with
others anything that you do that's real
is going to push them away because
that's an opportunity to grow it's also
an opportunity to get closer the next
one is vulnerability this is a value and
when I mean it's a value and I'm going
to Define vulnerability for you it is
truth in being it isn't you going look
at me here's all of my emotions and
dumping them on somebody it's a very big
difference that's actually burdensome
being vulnerability is a freeing state
by which there is no expectation on
yourself or the other person on the
behavior that you have it's real and
it's honest so the second principle that
we have is vulnerability but that
vulnerability principle is also I guess
you could say compounded with honesty
and that's why I really want you to look
at it being honest so if you don't have
a desire to grow and that your core
value isn't honesty well you got
yourself a serious problem and now the
third one is of course well this is
going to be one of the most important
ones you're ability to resolve conflict
I promise you don't know them until you
challenge them if there's a problem and
you guys cannot resolve the conflict and
you guys are worse for it and you shut
down and you turn away from each other
and you drive the way home not saying a
word to her or her not saying a word to
you then what you are pretty much
rewarding is that there will be no
inconveniences in their life and at any
point where you say something that can
create a fight you will avoid it the
true test of a relationship is your
ability to resolve the conflict and get
down to the bottom of it the beauty of
this is that not only can you see each
other you can fight for each other and
there's so much Beauty in that now what
kind of goes into I could say the more
superficial thing level one if you don't
accept that you are going to be
manipulative number one and number two
that you're going to cast a projection
on nearly every woman that you find
attractive and what it means to cast a
projection means all of the repressed
things that you want her to be you will
make her listen to that everything that
your projection is you will want to make
her meaning that you're not listening
and if you're not listening well you
could say goodbye to all seduction you
could say goodbye to all confidence
because what you like listening to is
everything that you want her to be not
who she is now you're kind of boring and
predictable all she needs to do is
understand that you're under the whim of
her perfect gaze and all of that Mojo
and seducing you to not even think for
yourself because now you no longer have
values or principles so you need to
understand that when coming into this
relationship if you want to find love
you need to accept them first now the
more attractive they are the harder that
projection is going to be to break which
means the more serious the questions you
need to ask and now this is what's going
to trigger a lot of your scar you're
probably going to go well there aren't
that many attractive women or there
aren't that many attractive Partners or
people that I find attractive well
that's the whole point you live in a
world with scarcity that's going to
change your authentic behaviors meaning
you're going to manipulate people more
so take accountability of that so the
second thing that you guys need to
establish here which is once you guys
have acceptance how are you guys going
to get acceptance you need to ask
serious questions and I promise you and
you want to know the thing that's really
tearing people's lives apart they
haven't talked about where they want to
be married they never talked about when
they want to be married they never
talked about how they they want to raise
their children they never talked about
their sexual history they never talked
about their past relationships and do
you want to know the tragic part about
when people do they ask these questions
when it's too late when they're living
with them when their ring is on their
finger when somebody's pregnant and
you're telling me that maybe somebody
shouldn't tell you on the other side of
a screen that you should wake the up and
start being real with the people in
front of you and perhaps maybe start
taking more initiative taking more
action asking more of these questions
and you're doing it because you want to
accept the person not manipulate them
this is something I did you know in my
life you might think it doesn't work I
used to think it didn't work either you
know when I came up with this I was
scared a lot of my dates would look like
me performing for them thinking I
created a safe space I had a bunch of
secret intentions that I would stack on
them and I would never really know who
they are and it was so great for them
because they were laughing and giggling
and I'm there performing like a circus
clown when really all of the things that
would have allowed me to see them were
on the other side of these questions so
the way that my dates used to look you
know wait till the third or fifth date
after you've casted a projection and
slept with them four or five times and
then find out the truth what do you
think happens you're like this you're
like hitting your looking for a
dildo to put in your ass you're
making yeah I was that guy I would
genuinely go on dates with girls and the
second they would tell me anything
remotely dark about themselves I'd be
like okay we we better work on that and
I would take no accountability for any
of my behavior Behavior the second I
find out their body count do you want to
know what's funny I usually have a
friend that would ask me and and you
want to know what I would do I'd be like
bro bro it's not that high chill chill
chill what do you think happens because
of course it's going to be three times
the number you thought so don't think
that's going to change the way that you
see them and once it changes the way
that you see them you're going to feel
the symptoms of betrayal for no reason
at all and then she's going to be there
going what I'm just being honest with
you and you're like no you're not you're
actually hurting me in the name of
honesty so what are you rewarding
dishonesty all of those things are
problematic and the worst part of it all
is it makes you manipulative and it also
makes you think you don't need to take
accountability for these things and it
makes you run away from truth and it
makes you a weak man I don't want to see
that anymore and this needs to stop by
you just having a little bit of courage
to break the projection once you first
meet them and by the way do it with the
girl you want to hook up with just like
the girl you want to marry it will make
you an honest man not a perfect one I'm
here for real not for perfect and I
think that once we have real we can
start working towards an ideal and I
think you could remember those two
things once there's real there's an
ideal when there's fake you're in the
dark thinking that you're living your
perfect life no you're manipulative and
you're toxic so I never used to accept
women and what end up happening is I
would manipulate them and then that
would honestly hurt me and it would hurt
them and then I would keep dating the
same girl with a different name for the
next 3 years until they took
accountability to realize that perhaps
maybe I should be honest now the way
that my dates look now is and I mean
this I'm very vulnerable I'm very honest
they'll get in my car and I'll look at
them and I'll go holy hell what was God
thinking when he made you and that's the
first thing that comes to my head and
you know the second thing I'll say after
that is okay this is going to sound
crazy which is called setting a frame
I'm going to ask ask you these questions
and she goes why do you want to ask me
crazy questions so soon and it's like
well because I'm trying not to
manipulate you you're so hot and then
she she'll probably laugh and find it
admirable because I am being vulnerable
I'm communicating the attraction and I
don't really care if she thinks it's
leveraging but I'll also be honest and
she goes well why do you want to ask
these questions and I said they're going
to sound intense and the reason why I
ask these questions is because I want to
accept you not make you how I want to
see you I want to listen to you not
listen to who I want you to be then the
date
starts you better own who who you are
you better cuz if you don't these things
will feel like an attack on the other
person and they will feel attacked so
you need to feel connected to these
questions so the questions that I
typically ask are in relationship to
sexual history how you want to raise
your children what is your relationship
with sex and that's really good with
what's your relationship history because
you can really see what that
relationship is you ask them not do you
love your family don't load a question
like that ask them real questions and
those questions are what's your
relationship with your family and then
also what's your relationship with your
past relationships if they speak
negatively about these people if they
always have something to say about them
you already know that right now you're
learning a lot about the person and not
only are you learning about the person
your projection is gone you're probably
not thinking about the hard clothes
tonight you're thinking about oh my God
being honest with the person is not as
hot as I thought it was I liked making
love to fantasies not people because it
turns out people are pretty hard to love
if you really know them so opposed to
rewarding dishonesty reward acceptance
and start asking these questions that
really show you somebody's investigation
of themselves and remember if you're not
somebody that really cares to know these
answers you're probably psychotic and
wants to keep using others to fill these
voids that are so deep and so dark that
not even you feel like you're worth
loving the second one and this is going
to be very important if you guys don't
have sexual compatibility and
personality compatibility there's no
relationship and the reason why I'm
saying this is is because sex has
broughten more couples together than the
church or any institution ever has
because it's quite literally our basal
function it's our biological function to
reject the notion that sex is bringing
you guys to together would be rejecting
the notion that there wasn't something
to the fact that your Gene pools
complete each other and perhaps that the
thing that's going to make you feel the
most connected to life is going to be
that space that you guys share it's not
a problem to lust your partner it's a
beautiful thing and if there's no
respect in that space then it's of
course a problem and it just exists on
its own so what I often notice is that
you guys need to understand how powerful
attraction is if you're not attracted to
them do not be with them do not be with
them and the reason why I'm saying this
is because you will manipulate them
after the fact and also you could tell
them the truth I'm not that attracted to
you but there's lot of your personality
that makes you more
attractive nope that up in fact what you
should do is just understand yourself
that this person isn't for you why
because attraction is that damn
important and you should make that one
of your values and you shouldn't settle
for less because if you want to know
what happens once you do settle for less
you can start saying hello to hookers
prostitutes and cheating on your partner
and if you want to reward that behavior
keep doing that and of course the last
one this is going to be the next 50% of
what makes this the most important your
values and your vision of the the future
you will need to share those values I
promise you this is going to be how you
raise your family this is going to be
the things that you ask from yourself
and the things that you ask from her
it's going to be the reason why you guys
can build a life together think about
how beautiful that is without that
vision and without those
values there's no life that you can
build together I think that this gives
an opportunity for people to respect one
another because you guys are willing to
challenge one another so I want to kind
of wrap this up so you guys can really
see how this works I'm also going to
leave a little bonus of red flags and
watch outs but the beauty of this is is
now you meet somebody you share these
core values you accept them you find out
who they are you ask the questions you
enjoy the day throughout that process
you start realizing that your values and
your connection to those values makes
you somebody who's able to be challenged
when you guys interact with that
challenge you can resolve that conflict
and you could see what the truth about
each other not just who you say you are
to one another you could also see how
good you guys are at solving problems
which is why men and women come together
there's going to be a lot of problems in
the Horizon of your life and how about
maybe you start showing a spark of what
you could be to Day by knowing who they
are by accepting them by understanding
how important attraction is and by
establishing the values and vision for
your life moving forward if you guys
share the core value of family and that
you're willing to go through with that
and you understand the importance of sex
you can create a beautiful life by which
you build with somebody and that not
only will your challenges not be
something that are enjoyable you will
look forward to the fight because it's
an opportunity to get closer to the
parts of yourself that are embodied in
the opposite sex in front of you if you
want to continue dating the way that the
world tells you to date be sweet be nice
and don't be real I want you to be real
and if you need to be harsh and you need
to inconvenience others for Freedom
itself so be it
تصفح المزيد من مقاطع الفيديو ذات الصلة
The Effects of Social Media on Relationships | Mayurakshi Ghosal | TEDxYouth@DAA
Matthew Hussey — Set Better Intentions and Break Unhealthy Dating Habits | Prof G Conversations
Joshua Graham-Tough Love
This Is Why So Many Women Are Single | Men Are Waking Up & Rejecting Women
The hidden truth about human connection | Dan Foxx | TEDxChelmsford
CYBERBULLYING PSA "953K - Inspiring Action Against Cyberbullying" - MusEffect & Azure Antoinette
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)